Masks Off For People-Pleasers & Perfectionists
255 episodes - English - Latest episode: 8 days ago - ★★★★★ - 16 ratingsA podcast for people-pleasers and perfectionists who are ready to unhook from their patterns so they can finally feel free to be their true selves and be confident. Through solo episodes and interviews, Host Kim Gross, shares tools and techniques to help listeners develop self-awareness and transform unhealthy patterns. Join us each week as we explore topics such as overcoming fear of judgement, cultivating self-compassion, and the skills for doing the healing work to create the life that you desire. www.kimgrosscoaching.com
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Episodes
Big Announcement!!
September 29, 2020 09:00 - 32 minutes - 57.3 MBTo sign up for the FREE Balancing Your Backpack course go to https://unlocking-authenticity.teachable.com/p/balancing-your-backpack In addition to announcing Balancing Your Backpack, Kim and Tia talk about values and being in alignment with your values. As the quote indicates, are you true to yourself? Do you have the courage to stay in alignment with your values or do the masks you wear keep you from doing the things in life that are really important to you? What gets in the way of staying...
Balancing Act
September 24, 2020 09:00 - 27 minutes - 48.8 MBAre you striving to have perfect balance in your life? Or, do you have no balance at all? Are you completely out of alignment and therefore, out of balance? It is difficult for over achievers, people pleasers, martys or caretakers because they are doing too much of one thing. There is little balance in their lives. It is the “shoulds” in our lives that continue to push us and we do more than be. We can easily be human doings and not human beings. It can also show up where some are not motiva...
The Thought Train
September 22, 2020 09:00 - 26 minutes - 47.5 MBHow often have you found yourself caught in a mental tailspin because of a situation that you thought was overwhelming? Have you ever noticed yourself spiral out of control because you lacked control in a particular situation? Did you notice a heavy feeling as a result of your reaction to whatever that particular situation was? Kim and Tia discuss the importance of staying in the moment or at least returning to the moment when you feel yourself going into control mode or anxiety land. It is ...
Reclaiming Your Worth
September 17, 2020 09:00 - 28 minutes - 50.8 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia continue the conversation on worthiness. They discuss how difficult it can be to know our worth and value. It can be difficult to know our value and in particular if you have a business or service and you need to charge for your time, skill, effort and energy. We can get caught in a story line of “not good enough” or “not worthy enough” and not be compensated for what we are worth. Unfortunately, in this world money is tied to worth. You can also see throughout y...
Are You Hiding?
September 15, 2020 09:00 - 25 minutes - 45.5 MBDo you feel that your life is flat? Do you feel dull or dimmed down? Another way of asking the question is do you feel like you are playing small? Does your life feel like groundhog day? Perhaps you are just spinning your wheels and feel like you are going nowhere. If you answered “yes” to any or all of these questions, you are probably cut off from your true authentic self and not living the life that you were meant to live. You are most likely wearing many masks and unable to show up in y...
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
September 10, 2020 09:00 - 42 minutes - 74.2 MBHow often have you heard yourself say, “When I lose weight , then I will be happy, when I get married then I will be happy, when I have a family then I will be happy etc… You fill in the blank. We are all chasing that pursuit of happiness. The issue is that we are not living in the present moment. The reality is that what we create in our present reality will keep showing up in our future. If we want our future to be different we must choose in the present moment what we want to manifest in ...
Cultural Conditioning & Our Masks
September 08, 2020 09:00 - 22 minutes - 39.7 MBHow often do you find yourself trying to fit in with others in order to feel accepted. Do you find yourself trying to meet other peoples’ expectations of who they want you to be rather than being your true self? Whereas, true belonging is when we can be exactly who we are and know that the people we are with will accept us completely. When we find our tribe this is when we can truly exhale and be our true selves. When we are fitting in our inner values do not match with our outer behaviors. ...
Do You Avoid Setting Boundaries?
September 03, 2020 09:00 - 34 minutes - 61.2 MBHow comfortable are you with setting boundaries with others? Are you afraid that if you set a boundary that you run the risk of being rejected? Are you afraid that if you disappoint others and don’t please that you will not feel connected to others? The problem is that when we do this throughout our lives we will just live in roles and we will lose who we truly are. We might not even know what our values are or what our interests are because we spend more of our time pleasing others. We are ...
Understanding Our Inner Child
August 27, 2020 09:00 - 40 minutes - 71.4 MBKim and Tia have an in-depth and interesting conversation about what the inner child is and how the inner child plays a part in our adult lives. The inner child is the part of ourselves that is still wounded and shows up in different ways depending on who you are. Most often the ways in which the inner child shows up is holding us back or keeping us stuck. It is usually when we are triggered or upset that the inner child shows up. As we begin to heal and develop the adult self, the adult sel...
Your Feelings Create Your Life
August 25, 2020 09:00 - 25 minutes - 45.4 MBDo you believe that to manifest what you want in your life, all you have to do is wish it or think it and therefore you will receive it? The reality is that to be a true manifestor, one must heal and clear old outdated and negative belief patterns as well as feel your pain and thus allow it to heal. If we just push down our feelings by ignoring them, we promise you that pain will not go away. That pain will stay stuck in your body and the limiting or outdated belief systems will remain in the...
Nonattachment and Surrendering
August 20, 2020 09:00 - 46 minutes - 82.9 MBHow good are you at trusting the Universe that you will receive everything that you need? Are you able and willing to release any and all attachment to the outcomes you desire? Surrender often feels so counterintuitive and yet, it is the key to manifesting what you want. It is actually resistance that blocks what we want to manifest. Our resistance and our attachments to outcomes is what blocks things from happening. It is important to recognize that our resistance can show up as fear or unw...
Attracting, Alignment and Manifestation?
August 18, 2020 09:00 - 34 minutes - 61.6 MBAre you in flow with your life? Are you aware of different signs that the Universe sends to you, and if so, do you listen? Kim and Tia talk about manifesting. They explain that we are manifesting all the time whether it is what we desire or not, we are manifesting. The Universe is forever generous in giving us lessons to learn and unless we go inward and do the work, we will continue to “invite” people and situations into our lives that are opportunities to learn and evolve. In order to trul...
1st Arrow/2nd Arrow
August 13, 2020 09:00 - 41 minutes - 74.1 MBDo you ever notice when you make a mistake or do something that maybe you wish you had not done or said something that you wish you had not said, and do you then beat yourself up for doing so? If you have, then when you beat yourself up that is a second arrow. We all make mistakes because we are human, but what we don’t need to do is shame ourselves or others when we or they make a mistake. The second arrow is what gets us stuck in our patterns because now we feel unworthy or not good enough...
Why Do We Suffer?
August 11, 2020 09:00 - 19 minutes - 35.2 MBKim and Tia share how difficult it can be to accept and take 100 percent responsibility for our reactions to what happens in our lives. It can be so hard to be aware when we are resisting other people or events. It is when we resist in our lives that we co-create our own suffering. When we can accept life on life’s terms and just remind ourselves that life is life and flow with life we have less suffering. This does not mean that we are always happy with what is happening or that we even lik...
Boundaries - What Really Are They?
August 06, 2020 09:00 - 38 minutes - 67.7 MBDo you hesitate to set a necessary boundary with another because you are afraid of the possible push back. Setting boundaries can be very difficult for the people pleaser because there may be conflict and the people pleaser does not want to disappoint. How often do you find yourself saying yes to someone when you really want to say no. If you find yourself doing this often, the consequence to yourself is that you may notice that because you are not being truthful or authentic, you run the ri...
Do You Compare Yourself to Others?
August 04, 2020 09:00 - 31 minutes - 55.8 MBKim and Tia discuss the negative effects of comparing oneself to another. Often when we compare ourselves there is a tendency to feel less than and to fall into lack. When we compare we will often create blocks and therefore, we stop our creative flow. It is a way of preventing ourselves from putting ourselves out into the Universe. It is the ego that gets in the way and it is the ego that says you are not good enough or the other is better than me. It is not about being perfect. It is about...
Are Your Limiting Beliefs Keeping You From Living Your Best Life?
July 30, 2020 09:00 - 36 minutes - 65.7 MBMany people are unable to achieve their wants and desires because they have deeply ingrained belief systems that what they want is unavailable to them. When people believe that freedom, peace, joy, abundance, success, wealth, health, love or whatever else they want is unavailable, then they will not attract those things in their lives. We must be in alignment with our truth in order to manifest all that we desire. Just having wishful thinking will not get you there. You must be aware of your...
No Pain! No Gain! Do You Choose Comfort or Discomfort?
July 28, 2020 09:00 - 34 minutes - 60.8 MBDo you typically follow the path of least resistance or do you play it safe and stay comfortable? Do you like to take risks and “rock the boat” or do you prefer predictability and safety? Tia and Kim talk about their experiences of stepping outside the box and times when they did not, because fear held them back. In order to grow we must step outside of our comfort zone and find the courage to push past the fear in order to grow. Often times what holds us back from pushing ourselves to our e...
Understanding Co-Creation
July 23, 2020 09:00 - 39 minutes - 70.9 MBHold on to your hats for this episode. Kim and Tia get real and a bit controversial. This is a difficult conversation but one that needs to be said. While we may not cause or create events that happen to us, we do have a choice about how we respond and show up to the event or stimulus. We have a part in every relationship and every outcome that comes about and that may be a hard pill to swallow for many. Like we have said before, if we accept our part and take responsibility for our part, we...
Taking 100% Responsibility
July 21, 2020 09:00 - 37 minutes - 65.7 MBHow often do you notice yourself complaining about another or pointing a finger at the other? Are you able to take responsibility for your part in these situations? As long as you blame another or believe that the other is responsible for your feelings, you allow yourself to stay in a victim mode. It is so hard to look in the mirror and ask ourselves what ownership do we have to take. How can we take 100% responsibility for whatever happens in our lives? There is so much power in taking acti...
Taking Things Personally
July 16, 2020 09:00 - 43 minutes - 77.1 MBDo you find yourself overreacting to the things that people say or do? Do you feel triggered when another gives their opinion about you? Are you creating a story in your mind that has nothing to do with the reality of what is happening? In these situations it is important to pause and ask yourself if you are taking something personally and it is important to ask yourself how important is what the other is saying or doing. If it won’t matter in five years, then it is worth letting go. Kim and...
The "Martyr" Mask
July 14, 2020 09:00 - 30 minutes - 54.5 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia have an honest and raw conversation about what it means to be a martyr. If you feel resentful because of the sacrifices that you make for others, most likely you are wearing a martyr mask. If you make sacrifices from your heart and it is genuine, you most likely won’t feel resentful. Often the martyr struggles to set boundaries and therefore, makes those sacrifices and says yes to others rather than saying “no” when you want to say no. It is so important to create...
Ep. 17: The "Martyr" Mask
July 14, 2020 09:00 - 30 minutes - 54.5 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia have an honest and raw conversation about what it means to be a martyr. If you feel resentful because of the sacrifices that you make for others, most likely you are wearing a martyr mask. If you make sacrifices from your heart and it is genuine, you most likely won’t feel resentful. Often the martyr struggles to set boundaries and therefore, makes those sacrifices and says yes to others rather than saying “no” when you want to say no. It is so important to create...
Asking For and Meeting Our Needs
July 09, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 62.9 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia discuss how difficult it can be to ask another person for what we need. In reality, it is up to the individual to meet their own unmet needs. While we can ask another to meet a need, at the end of the day it is not the other person’s responsibility to meet that need. While it is reasonable to express our wants, desires and needs, we must let it go at that and not expect the other to say yes. The other person has the right to say “no” to our request and we must not...
Ep. 16: Asking For and Meeting Our Needs
July 09, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 62.9 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia discuss how difficult it can be to ask another person for what we need. In reality, it is up to the individual to meet their own unmet needs. While we can ask another to meet a need, at the end of the day it is not the other person’s responsibility to meet that need. While it is reasonable to express our wants, desires and needs, we must let it go at that and not expect the other to say yes. The other person has the right to say “no” to our request and we must not ...
Ep. 15: The "Denial" Mask
July 07, 2020 09:00 - 27 minutes - 49 MBAre you able to look at the truth of who you are? Kim and Tia discuss how the denial mask can create separation between ourselves and others by judging and blaming others instead of taking ownership of our part and our own responsibility. We are often afraid to look at our weaknesses and take responsibility for our behaviors since it is easier to point the finger at the other. We cannot live wholehearted and authentic lives unless we begin to embrace our light and our shadow side. It is impo...
The "Denial" Mask
July 07, 2020 09:00 - 27 minutes - 49 MBAre you able to look at the truth of who you are? Kim and Tia discuss how the denial mask can create separation between ourselves and others by judging and blaming others instead of taking ownership of our part and our own responsibility. We are often afraid to look at our weaknesses and take responsibility for our behaviors since it is easier to point the finger at the other. We cannot live wholehearted and authentic lives unless we begin to embrace our light and our shadow side. It is impo...
Ep. 14: Understanding Acceptance
July 02, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 63 MBAccepting your reality can be difficult to do, but the truth is the only choice is to accept the “as is” otherwise you can create more suffering in your life. It is difficult to lean into the discomfort of the messiness that life brings. We cannot control other people, places, and things. We can only control ourselves. Life is 20 percent of what happens and 80 percent of how we respond. How do you show up and respond when reality is uncomfortable? Do you immediately go into fear, anxiety or ...
Understanding Acceptance
July 02, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 63 MBAccepting your reality can be difficult to do, but the truth is the only choice is to accept the “as is” otherwise you can create more suffering in your life. It is difficult to lean into the discomfort of the messiness that life brings. We cannot control other people, places, and things. We can only control ourselves. Life is 20 percent of what happens and 80 percent of how we respond. How do you show up and respond when reality is uncomfortable? Do you immediately go into fear, anxiety or ...
Ep. 13: Authenticity and Self Truth
June 30, 2020 09:00 - 43 minutes - 76.3 MBKim and Tia take a deeper dive into what it means to be truly authentic. They discuss how culture conditions us to fit into a mold of who we should be. It is like sheep to the slaughter house. We start out going to school, then graduating, perhaps college, get married, have a good job, have kids, then retire. This is the path for many. Rarely do we really ask ourselves what we truly want in life. Very few people follow the path less travelled. Imagine a world in which kids are taught at an e...
Authenticity and Self Truth
June 30, 2020 09:00 - 43 minutes - 76.3 MBKim and Tia take a deeper dive into what it means to be truly authentic. They discuss how culture conditions us to fit into a mold of who we should be. It is like sheep to the slaughter house. We start out going to school, then graduating, perhaps college, get married, have a good job, have kids, then retire. This is the path for many. Rarely do we really ask ourselves what we truly want in life. Very few people follow the path less travelled. Imagine a world in which kids are taught at an e...
Ep. 12: The "Controller" Mask
June 25, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 63.7 MBHow often do you find yourself living in the future? Are you living your life in the past or the future? How often can you live in the present moment? We are not taught to live in the present. The only thing we have is the present moment and to think we have control over the future or over another is an illusion. It gives one a false sense of power/control. We often feel that we need to have a sense of control, when we are in fear. Fear is the underpinning of the need to be in control. When ...
The "Controller" Mask
June 25, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 63.7 MBHow often do you find yourself living in the future? Are you living your life in the past or the future? How often can you live in the present moment? We are not taught to live in the present. The only thing we have is the present moment and to think we have control over the future or over another is an illusion. It gives one a false sense of power/control. We often feel that we need to have a sense of control, when we are in fear. Fear is the underpinning of the need to be in control. When ...
The "Shame" Mask
June 23, 2020 09:00 - 32 minutes - 58.7 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia talk about how dangerous shame can be when we hide our stories where we feel shame from others to see. Keeping those shame stories inside is like putting a cover on a petri dish and allowing something to grow. It is not our fault that we do not want to be raw and real because society has conditioned us to be afraid to be our real selves. If we do not fit into the societal norms or do something wrong, we can feel less than. It is important to share our stories in a...
Ep. 11: The "Shame" Mask
June 23, 2020 09:00 - 32 minutes - 58.7 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia talk about how dangerous shame can be when we hide our stories where we feel shame from others to see. Keeping those shame stories inside is like putting a cover on a petri dish and allowing something to grow. It is not our fault that we do not want to be raw and real because society has conditioned us to be afraid to be our real selves. If we do not fit into the societal norms or do something wrong, we can feel less than. It is important to share our stories in a...
Ep. 10: The "Victim" Mask
June 18, 2020 09:00 - 28 minutes - 46.4 MBDo you find yourself blaming or complaining about other people, places and things? Do you feel frustrated because you can’t change or control people? Do you feel like everything happens TO you? And wonder again why me? A key signature behavior that we are in victim mode is complaining and resisting the as is. As we learn to take responsibility for our reactions or responses to situations we begin to feel more empowered and less like a victim. The more we can assert ourselves and recognize ou...
The "Victim" Mask
June 18, 2020 09:00 - 28 minutes - 46.4 MBDo you find yourself blaming or complaining about other people, places and things? Do you feel frustrated because you can’t change or control people? Do you feel like everything happens TO you? And wonder again why me? A key signature behavior that we are in victim mode is complaining and resisting the as is. As we learn to take responsibility for our reactions or responses to situations we begin to feel more empowered and less like a victim. The more we can assert ourselves and recognize ou...
The 'Rescuer' Mask
June 16, 2020 09:00 - 23 minutes - 40.9 MBDo you have a difficult time watching your loved ones when they are struggling and in emotional pain? Do you feel like you want to fix peoples’ problems because you can’t bear that pain? In this episode, Kim and Tia explore that the 'rescuer' truly wants to avoid their own emotional pain, which is why they want to fix the other. When we feel anxious and fearful we often want to control the situation to try to have those feelings go away. Beginning to become comfortable with the uncomfortabl...
Ep. 9: The 'Rescuer' Mask
June 16, 2020 09:00 - 23 minutes - 40.9 MBDo you have a difficult time watching your loved ones when they are struggling and in emotional pain? Do you feel like you want to fix peoples’ problems because you can’t bear that pain? In this episode, Kim and Tia explore that the 'rescuer' truly wants to avoid their own emotional pain, which is why they want to fix the other. When we feel anxious and fearful we often want to control the situation to try to have those feelings go away. Beginning to become comfortable with the uncomfortabl...
Exploring Racism as White Women
June 11, 2020 09:00 - 46 minutes - 80.9 MBDisclaimer: this episode is a conversation between 2 white women about doing their own work around racism, deconstructing and becoming more antiracist. This conversation includes situations where we have caused harm to BIPOC through actions and words. If you are a BIPOC, we are deeply sorry for harm done in the past, now, and in the future as we continue our education and strive to be more antiracist. Our intention is to not cause more harm or trauma so want to be clear what we are sharing ...
Ep. 8: Exploring Racism as White Women
June 11, 2020 09:00 - 46 minutes - 80.9 MBDisclaimer: this episode is a conversation between 2 white women about doing their own work around racism, deconstructing and becoming more antiracist. This conversation includes situations where we have caused harm to BIPOC through actions and words. If you are a BIPOC, we are deeply sorry for harm done in the past, now, and in the future as we continue our education and strive to be more antiracist. Our intention is to not cause more harm or trauma so want to be clear what we are sharing ...
The 'People Pleaser' Mask
June 09, 2020 09:00 - 26 minutes - 48 MBIn episode 7, Kim and Tia talk about the 'People Pleaser' mask. How many of us were conditioned to be the “good girl” when we were growing up? People pleasers are raised to not assert themselves. Many of us are people pleasers because we are secretly seeking outside validation and approval. While we might think we are helping the other, the truth is that we are trying to fill something within ourselves. Culture has conditioned us to look outward instead of inward for that validation. Often ...
Ep. 7: The 'People Pleaser' Mask
June 09, 2020 09:00 - 26 minutes - 48 MBIn episode 7, Kim and Tia talk about the 'People Pleaser' mask. How many of us were conditioned to be the “good girl” when we were growing up? People pleasers are raised to not assert themselves. Many of us are people pleasers because we are secretly seeking outside validation and approval. While we might think we are helping the other, the truth is that we are trying to fill something within ourselves. Culture has conditioned us to look outward instead of inward for that validation. Often ...
The 'Perfectionist' Mask
June 02, 2020 09:00 - 24 minutes - 44.4 MBHow do you show up in your life? Are you able to be your true self? Can you show up with others and be a hot mess or do you feel like you need to show the world that everything is fine and perfect? Do you seek approval through over-achieving and over-perfecting? Kim and Tia take a deep dive and explore how we seek approval and validation from the outside rather than going inward and feeling our own validation from ourself. “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as sp...
Ep. 6: The 'Perfectionist' Mask
June 02, 2020 09:00 - 24 minutes - 44.4 MBHow do you show up in your life? Are you able to be your true self? Can you show up with others and be a hot mess or do you feel like you need to show the world that everything is fine and perfect? Do you seek approval through over-achieving and over-perfecting? Kim and Tia take a deep dive and explore how we seek approval and validation from the outside rather than going inward and feeling our own validation from ourself. “Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as sp...
Why remove our masks?
May 16, 2020 20:00 - 20 minutes - 36.6 MBNo Risk. No Reward. In this episode Kim and Tia share the benefits that are possible as you begin to remove the masks that you wear and become more authentic. You begin to feel more empowered, free, and energized. You may notice that your relationships with people begin to improve or you may even move away from relationships that no longer serve you. As you begin to take off the masks that you wear you will start to shine your light more and more. It is not an easy process to go inward and e...
Ep. 5: Why remove our masks?
May 16, 2020 20:00 - 20 minutes - 36.6 MBNo Risk. No Reward. In this episode Kim and Tia share the benefits that are possible as you begin to remove the masks that you wear and become more authentic. You begin to feel more empowered, free, and energized. You may notice that your relationships with people begin to improve or you may even move away from relationships that no longer serve you. As you begin to take off the masks that you wear you will start to shine your light more and more. It is not an easy process to go inward and e...
Ep. 4: What may happen when we wear our masks?
May 16, 2020 19:59 - 17 minutes - 32.5 MBDo you ever wonder why you feel depressed or anxious? Do you ever wonder why you don’t have fulfilling relationships in your life? Do you feel like you aren’t living your best life? In this episode Kim and Tia talk about the results/outcomes that may surface when we wear masks and cover up who we really are on the inside. Do you struggle to be vulnerable with people because it feels scary to show your real self. Vulnerability is the birthplace of true connection, but it takes courage to say ...
What may happen when we wear our masks?
May 16, 2020 19:59 - 17 minutes - 32.5 MBDo you ever wonder why you feel depressed or anxious? Do you ever wonder why you don’t have fulfilling relationships in your life? Do you feel like you aren’t living your best life? In this episode Kim and Tia talk about the results/outcomes that may surface when we wear masks and cover up who we really are on the inside. Do you struggle to be vulnerable with people because it feels scary to show your real self. Vulnerability is the birthplace of true connection, but it takes courage to say ...
Ep. 3: Why do we start wearing our masks?
May 16, 2020 19:58 - 15 minutes - 27.1 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia talk about how the masks that we wear were created and why we continue to wear them. We don’t come into this world feeling unworthy, unloveable or fearful. We come into this world pure and shining our light. Anytime you look at babies or toddlers, they are so comfortable in their skin and they do not care what others think of them. Because of our upbringing and cultural conditioning, the Ego creates masks or armour to protect the inner child. Fear of being our tru...