Masks Off For People-Pleasers & Perfectionists
255 episodes - English - Latest episode: 8 days ago - ★★★★★ - 16 ratingsA podcast for people-pleasers and perfectionists who are ready to unhook from their patterns so they can finally feel free to be their true selves and be confident. Through solo episodes and interviews, Host Kim Gross, shares tools and techniques to help listeners develop self-awareness and transform unhealthy patterns. Join us each week as we explore topics such as overcoming fear of judgement, cultivating self-compassion, and the skills for doing the healing work to create the life that you desire. www.kimgrosscoaching.com
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Episodes
Don't Rock the Boat
July 07, 2022 08:00 - 17 minutes - 30.6 MBDo you struggle to speak up and speak your truth with others or maybe even certain people in your life? Do you remember as a child being told that you were wrong or “bad” for thinking, believing or speaking what felt true for you, and thus, did not speak your truth? Are you afraid that if you speak up and “rock the boat” with others that you might be rejected or feel another’s disappointment or disapproval? All of this is normal and has happened to many of us. The truth is that if we don’t “...
What Gets in the Way of Your Wholeness?
June 30, 2022 08:12 - 18 minutes - 32 MBDo you have a felt sense or belief that you are “broken”? Do you have an inner dialogue that tells you there is something wrong with you or inherently bad about you? We have been conditioned and shamed by our caregivers that we are “broken.” In order to embrace our wholeness we must learn to embrace all parts of ourselves and integrate both the light and the dark. This path is about growing and healing and that is how we return to wholeness. As part of the July challenge which is “say yes to...
Say Yes to Yourself
June 23, 2022 08:07 - 26 minutes - 47.6 MBDo you find it hard to say yes to yourself? Do you notice that you say no when you really want to say yes? This is a very common pattern for those that tend to wear the people pleaser mask and for those that are conditioned to put other peoples’ needs ahead of their own. This conditioning can run very deep and all the way back to childhood. Kim and Tia share how this has shown up for them in their lives and the discomfort that they felt whenever they said yes to themselves. There is so much ...
I AM WHOLE
June 09, 2022 08:30 - 16 minutes - 29.1 MBIn today’s episode Kim and Tia step outside their comfort zone by doing a little promotion for their signature I AM WHOLE course as well as their Connect and Grow Summer Series. If you are interested in hearing more about these two FREE opportunities take a listen. We would love for you to join us in the Summer Series and receive support and guidance as we connect and grow. The links for I AM WHOLE and Summer Series are below. Don’t forget to continue with the monthly challenge of stepping o...
The Illusion of the Safety Mask
June 02, 2022 08:15 - 20 minutes - 37.5 MBHave you noticed yourself “playing it small” in life? Do you find yourself being afraid to step into courage and would rather be safe and comfortable? Many of us can be courageous in some parts of our lives and other parts we hide behind the mask of comfortability and safety. The problem with doing this is that we are not in alignment with our authentic self when we do this and it can cause much pain and suffering. Kim and Tia share how this shows up in their lives and they share that when t...
The "Motherhood" Mask
May 26, 2022 08:00 - 21 minutes - 39.1 MBWow!!! In this episode Kim and Tia really take off their masks and show how they overparented in the past and lost their identities as a person. Wearing the mask of motherhood can overtake who we are as individuals. Culture as well as ourselves can put so much pressure and expectations for us to show up in certain ways which can lead to wearing the perfection mask as well as the mask of motherhood. While it can be very challenging, but it is important to maintain your individual identity if...
It Takes Two to Tango
May 19, 2022 08:00 - 23 minutes - 41.3 MBTaking personal responsibility in relationships is so hard. Most of the time we just want to blame the other and point out what the other person is doing wrong all the time. Certainly whenever we feel attacked or blamed by another, we are going to most likely attack back. Here is the problem with this dynamic, it is often too difficult to have a healthy and thriving relationship. If we can’t own our part and take personal responsibility for our words, our thoughts, beliefs and actions, we wi...
Escaping On My Little Green Bike
May 12, 2022 08:00 - 18 minutes - 34 MBDo you ever feel like you just need to run away and get away from life and the people in your life? This is a very common pattern for most people. Rather than taking a “conscious timeout,” we often just run away. In this episode, Kim talks about how she learned this pattern as a child and how it showed up for her time and time again. She learned later in life after doing her inner work that there is a healthier way to respond whenever she has that feeling of wanting to run away. After all, e...
Just Hit the Easy Button
May 05, 2022 08:00 - 28 minutes - 50.2 MBDo you ever feel so overwhelmed with life and other people that you just want to “hit the easy button” and have everything be easy. Do you blame others and circumstances when you are feeling activated? It can be very challenging being around other people especially when it is your family of origin and it is normal to lose your balance and not take care of yourself especially if you have the tendency to be a people pleaser and a caretaker. Kim shares her experience of losing her balance with...
Get in the Game with Guest Megan Bendtzen
April 28, 2022 08:00 - 47 minutes - 85.3 MBAre you ready to laugh? This was such a fun and yet, important conversation that Tia and Kim had with Megan. Megan is trying to bring more fun, play and laughter into the world but in particular to the workplace. After working for years in “Corporate America,” she knew that she had a purpose in life and that she had to take that chance and jump off the proverbial cliff in order to be who she authentically is and to align with her true self. She was tired of wearing the “imposter mask” and d...
It's Never One and Done
April 21, 2022 08:00 - 26 minutes - 48 MBWhat do you do whenever people don’t agree with you? What do you do when you are faced with a situation that activates you and you can’t control the situation or the other person? How likely are you to turn inward and put the microscope on yourself? It has been said over and over that we can not control people or situations. We can only control ourselves and our reactions. Kim and Tia talk about the I AM WHOLE Process that they created that helps you go inward and recognize whether you are i...
The Do Over
April 14, 2022 08:00 - 21 minutes - 38.4 MBHow often have you said or done something to someone and instantly regretted saying or doing that thing? If you have a conflict or an argument with another, do you go back and do a repair or do you just “sweep it under the rug” and move on? Kim and Tia talk about the importance of doing a “do over” or a repair to help keep the integrity of a relationship. Kim shares an example of where she said something to her daughter that she instantly regretted and she shares how she used the I AM WHOLE...
Intentional Living with Dara Kurtz
April 07, 2022 08:00 - 45 minutes - 81.2 MBThis conversation with guest speaker Dara Kurtz covered many topics including how to cultivate healthy relationships, dealing with grief and loss, as well as surviving cancer. Dara was very vulnerable and shared the pain that she went through when she lost her mom at the age of 29 and then later shared the pain that she and her daughters endured when she got cancer at the age of 42. It was obviously a challenging time for her and her family and she was able to take this experience and turn...
The Shadow Warrior
March 31, 2022 08:00 - 33 minutes - 60 MBHow often do you use food, work, caretaking, alcohol or any other numbing activity to avoid your feelings and to avoid being vulnerable with another? Do you constantly notice that you are trying to avoid being vulnerable either because it feels too scary to be so or you feel that being vulnerable is a sign of weakness? Brene Brown states that when we choose to outrun and outsmart vulnerability and pain we are choosing a life defined by suffering and exhaustion. She also states that learning ...
The "Avoidance" Mask
March 24, 2022 08:00 - 23 minutes - 42.2 MBDid you know that avoidance is a strategy for dealing with anxiety or worry? Have you ever noticed that you go into avoidance mode whenever you feel anxious or worried? According to Brene Brown’s newest book “Atlas of the Heart,” avoidance is not benign. It can hurt us, hurt other people, and lead to increased and mounting anxiety. If this all sounds too familiar to you then you will want to listen to this episode. If you want to have more courage and confront the things that you are worryi...
Providing Possibility in Rethinking Schools with Guest Robert Astwood
March 17, 2022 08:00 - 52 minutes - 91.6 MBRobert Astwood, our guest on this episode, has an amazing and infectious, inspiring energy. Robert has such a vision for rethinking the way we school our youth and we have no doubt that his ideas and vision for changing the system will have a positive impact in the world. He is an advocate for cultivating the whole child and for providing the student with a voice in his/her education. Rather than just depositing information into the minds of these young students, he believes that the student...
Connection Over Comparison
March 10, 2022 09:00 - 20 minutes - 36.9 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia have a fun conversation about comparison. They used Brene Brown’s newest book “Atlas of the Heart” as a springboard for a conversation about what researchers call upward and downward comparison. Both Kim and Tia take off their masks and share how comparison has shown up in their lives. As Brene Brown writes, comparison is something that just happens to us and it is very normal, but what we do about it when it shows up in our lives is up to us. We can strive to ...
The "Saboteur" Mask
March 03, 2022 09:00 - 31 minutes - 56.3 MBHow many times have you told yourself that you were going to start eating healthier, start exercising, start organizing your house or reach out and meet new people and you just can’t seem to do it? It doesn’t matter what habit or circumstance it is that you try to change, you just seem to stick with what is old and familiar. Why does this happen? This is a complex and complicated topic and Kim and Tia do their best to tackle the reasons why we self-sabotage. While they do not have all the an...
Pain Is Your Power, If You Allow It with Dinuka Ranasinghe
February 24, 2022 09:00 - 52 minutes - 90.9 MBRobin Arzon, a popular Peloton instructor, often states that pain is your power. This can be true and pain can be a powerful portal to healing and growth if you let it. However, the key is learning to become aware that your pain is an opportunity for you to learn and grow. Many people allow themselves to remain in the victim role and thus get swallowed up by their pain. Let it be said that it is not an easy process to heal and transform pain or to even have the mindset that your pain is your...
The Only Way Out Is In
February 17, 2022 09:00 - 23 minutes - 41.1 MBDo you ever wonder why an event or behavior can trigger one person and that same event or behavior has absolutely no impact on another? Do you find that whenever you are activated, reactive or upset that you tend to blame another person or circumstance? The reality is that the reason we get triggered is that there is some emotional wound within us that is getting activated. Have you ever noticed that one parent can get upset by something that a child says or does and the other parent is not ...
The "Protector" Mask
February 10, 2022 09:00 - 34 minutes - 61.1 MBHow easy is it for you to let others “see into” your heart. Do you consider yourself to be guarded when it comes to allowing others to see your true self? In this episode Kim and Tia have a deep conversation about being vulnerable. We live in a culture where it is more the norm to be strong and put together. We live in a culture where vulnerability is viewed as weakness. As a result of these mindsets it is difficult to feel deeply connected to others. So, are you willing to loosen the grip ...
Compassion is the Glue with Andrea Gonzalez
February 03, 2022 09:00 - 56 minutes - 101 MBIf you want to know more about anxiety and mental well-being, Andrea Gonzalez is your person. She is a clinical psychologist who has so much wisdom. In this talk, we explored so many topics from tuning into the body and the breath to integrating all parts of ourselves. Andrea talked about the importance of having compassion for ourselves, as well as others, and that having this compassion really is the glue and key to thriving. “I am both enough and still capable of more.” ― Andrea Gonzale...
Protect Your Peace
January 27, 2022 09:00 - 19 minutes - 34.3 MBWe all have life situations going on and some of us handle them better than others. It can be hard and overwhelming to stay peaceful whenever we feel overloaded or bombarded with life. The key is to learn and cultivate a practice to be able to find peace and calm in your heart even in the midst of the storm. There are many ways that one can find peace and calm. Kim and Tia share some examples of how they find peace and groundedness when they are facing a storm. To hear and learn more, listen...
The Golden Child Mask
January 20, 2022 09:00 - 18 minutes - 33.3 MBAre you an overachiever, a perfectionist, or a people pleaser? If so, it is very probable that you were a “golden child” when you were young. As the quote states, a golden child tries to please and satisfy at least one parent and usually it is a narcissistic parent. The golden child feels responsible for their parents’ happiness. This golden child is often well behaved and fits perfectly into the saying of “be seen and not heard.” It is a tremendous burden for the golden child because he/sh...
Drop the Rope with Prachi Malhotra
January 13, 2022 09:52 - 42 minutes - 76.7 MBOur latest guest, Prachi Malhotra quotes, “drop the rope or you will get rope burn.” What does this mean? According to Prachi, if we don’t learn how to accept life and if we stay in resistance we will get “burned.” Life is constantly changing and if we resist and don’t learn how to flow with life, we will feel sorrow and or suffering. We have heard the saying that pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional. That means that we must learn to drop the resistance to what is reality unless w...
My Way Or The Highway
January 06, 2022 09:00 - 19 minutes - 35.9 MBDo you consider yourself to be controlling and sometimes aggressive? If a person confronts you, do you feel challenged and must dominate? Do you need things to be your way otherwise you will feel upset? If you answered yes to any or all of these questions you might wear the “bully mask.” To hear more about this mask and see if you identify with it listen in for more. “Be an encourager. The world has plenty of critics already.” ~ Dave Willis Go to our Teachable Online School and check out o...
Are You a Pretzel?
December 30, 2021 09:00 - 23 minutes - 42.4 MBHave you ever experienced a time or maybe it happens a lot where you allow another to completely unravel you? Maybe you have been in a situation where you allowed another to control you or manipulate you into doing something you didn’t want to do only to feel totally triggered after. This is something that happens a lot in our relationships. The key is to own our part in these situations and to fully own that we are co-creators of our lives. Sure, we can be triggered by another but we still ...
Getting Curious about Uncertainty with Sylvia Farbstein
December 23, 2021 09:00 - 47 minutes - 84.6 MBAre you able to be curious about the uncertainty of life? Or, are you the type of person who has to have everything planned out and be in control? When life throws you a “curveball” do you fall apart or can you get curious about this life situation and find the abundance or the gift that the situation has to offer? In this episode Sylvia shares her story and her son’s story and how they were able to get curious when her son Brandon was diagnosed with a rare form of dwarfism. It is an incredi...
Are You Living From the Neck Up?
December 16, 2021 09:00 - 17 minutes - 30.8 MBDo you spend most of your time living in your head? How often do you pause and check in with your heart? Do you pay attention to your body? It is normal to live inside our heads. We feel more in control when we live there. The problem is when we only live inside our heads, we ignore the heart and body. Whenever we are completely out of balance we suffer. To hear more about how we can create more balance and have more awareness around whether or not we are living in our heads take a listen. ...
Yes You Can
December 09, 2021 09:00 - 27 minutes - 48.5 MBAre you the type of person that says “yes I can” or do you repeatedly say no I can’t? If you find yourself continually telling yourself that you can’t do something or that it is too late to change something in your life, you might want to take a look at your inner dialogue. Your critical self or limiting beliefs may be holding you back. However, it is important to use discernment and really pay attention to your intuition because your gut instinct may actually be telling you that it is not i...
Is Stress Your Superpower? with Christa Bevan
December 02, 2021 09:00 - 47 minutes - 85.6 MBHow do you handle stress in your life? Does it overwhelm you or do you know how to regulate yourself? How did the role models in your life handle stress? Most often we did not have role models in our lives showing us how to regulate stress and trauma because they themselves did not know how to self-regulate. To hear more about how trauma can be passed down from one generation to the next as well as how we can transform stress into our superpower listen to this great conversation with our gue...
Grateful for the Reminders
November 25, 2021 09:00 - 23 minutes - 42.8 MBSo often when we are stuck in the muck of our feelings and or thoughts, we can’t see the gift in the lessons that are there. We want to avoid pain and move toward pleasure because our brains are wired that way. So, naturally it can be difficult to see the beauty in our pain or difficult situations. When we do our work and we heal we can begin to appreciate those reminders. As the quote by Helen Keller says, “The hilltop hour would not be half as wonderful if there were no dark valleys to tr...
Reframe Under Pressure
November 18, 2021 09:00 - 25 minutes - 46.4 MBHow do you respond to external pressures in your life? Do you have a negative “gloom and doom” reaction to external pressures? Do you have a positive perspective when you have an overwhelming amount of pressure in your life? There is a difference between good stress and bad stress. That chronic stress that lingers in our lives is unhealthy for us. However, having a dose of good stress is good for us. Having good stress is healthy for our brains. Using the reframe that was talked about in an ...
Feel Love, Be Love, Extend Love - Conscious Relationships with Carrie Jeroslow
November 11, 2021 09:00 - 51 minutes - 92.4 MBWhat is a conscious relationship? Do you have any conscious relationships in your life? Most of us were probably raised in unconscious relationships. Carrie Jeroslow is a conscious relationship coach and we had such an amazing conversation on what these relationships look like and how to cultivate them. Carrie believes that we have more than one soul mate and that a soul mate is not necessarily a romantic lover. She believes that we also have soul families and that it is our purpose to lear...
Sitting on the Stairs
November 04, 2021 08:00 - 21 minutes - 39.3 MBSo many of us have experienced trauma as young children but we never thought of it as trauma. Usually when we think of trauma we think of some huge traumatic event. Gabor Mate actually explains that trauma is a disconnection from self. So, if we frame it this way, many of you may be able to think of many times throughout your lives when you disconnected from your true self. That is the trauma and this becomes a pattern every time we feel triggered. Gabor Mate and others explain that this is ...
The Rebel Mask
October 28, 2021 08:00 - 34 minutes - 61.6 MBDo you wear the rebel mask? Do you remember being told as a child that you were a “difficult child” or a rebellious child? Do you know people in your life that might be considered rebellious? As the quote states, a child is mostly rebelling as a reaction to feeling shamed for being who they really are. No one is born being truly rebellious or “bad”. People or children become rebellious because of the shaming and conditioning that one experiences in life. If you have experience with wearing...
It Starts with Us - “A New Paradigm of Education” with Carrie Jeroslow & Jen Zash
October 21, 2021 08:00 - 54 minutes - 97.3 MBWhether you have children in school or not, you will want to hear this incredible conversation with Carrie Jeroslow and Jen Zash. They came on our podcast to talk about their new book, “ A New Paradigm of Education.” They both shared their idea of what conscious education means and looks like. While it would be a monumental endeavor to overhaul the current educational system, it is not impossible to cultivate change and that change begins with us. "When a child feels seen, heard, and unders...
Tree Wisdom
October 14, 2021 08:00 - 26 minutes - 47.4 MBIn this episode Kim and Tia talk about the difference between storms that caused us to become resilient as a way of surviving versus storms that helped us build strong roots. The difference between which direction you go in is whether you are going within trying to learn from the storms or whether you are seeking external validation. The latter is going to have weak roots and will easily uproot in a storm whereas the former will grow strong roots that can weather any storm. Listen in to hear...
To Thy Own Self Be True
October 07, 2021 08:00 - 23 minutes - 41.3 MBDo you find yourself trying to please others all the time? If so, how does that make you feel when you try to please someone else instead of being true to yourself? Nature certainly does not try to please. Nature is just nature. So why do we as humans feel that we need to please? Is it for protection? Is it just because we are conditioned to please? Or, is it part of our nature to please? To hear more about this topic tune in to the discussion that Kim and Tia have on the people pleaser mask...
Badge of Busy-ness with Jenn Taylor
September 30, 2021 07:30 - 46 minutes - 81.1 MBThis marks the 100th episode of Masks Off! We have utterly enjoyed recording this podcast and hope that you have enjoyed listening. We appreciate all of your support. In this episode we had an amazing conversation with Jenn Taylor. She offered so much wisdom on how we need to listen to our bodies and our intuition to live a more authentic and fulfilled life. When we don’t tune in to our bodies and the messages that it gives us, we end up feeling anxious and unfilled and may have chronic pain...
Ebb & Flow of Expectations
September 23, 2021 08:00 - 29 minutes - 52.7 MBDo you ever find yourself having an expectation of someone or something only to be disappointed when that expectation was not met. As the below quote by Dr. Shefali Tsabary states, we suffer when our expectations differ from reality. It is normal to have some expectations of ourselves and others and it is important to feel our feelings whatever they may be when those expectations are not met. We must not bypass our feelings and we also must be ready and willing to let go of those expectatio...
Peacemaker Mask: Part 2
September 16, 2021 08:00 - 22 minutes - 40.3 MBDo you ever avoid conflict with another just to keep the peace? In this episode Kim shares how she as a child avoided conflict in order to keep others from being upset with her. In turn she rejected her true self because she silenced her inner knowing and often did what others told her to do. This is often the beginning of losing our authentic self as we conform to what others expect us to do. To hear more about how we reclaim our authentic selves and deal with conflict with others listen in...
Double Up with Self-Kindness with Tanya Otterstein-Liehs
September 09, 2021 08:00 - 45 minutes - 80.5 MBWhat does it mean to love yourself? Are you in the habit of criticizing yourself or are you good at giving yourself compliments and self approval? Very often it is difficult for people and especially for women to have a practice of self-care. What are some ways that you can love yourself and care for yourself? To hear and learn more about self-love and self-care listen to what Tanya shares in this podcast. As a self-care and mindset coach she has helped many women in these areas. Three ta...
Peacemaker Mask
September 02, 2021 08:00 - 23 minutes - 41.3 MBHave you ever put yourself in the middle of other peoples’ conflicts when it was not your business to do so? If so, did you ever wonder why you tried to make peace when it was not your place to do so? Often we may wear the peacemaker mask because we feel anxious and our peace is in jeopardy. The truth is that we are the only ones that can bring peace to ourselves. Conflict is normal and natural. It is very possible that if you grew up in a dysfunctional home that conflict and fighting was co...
All or Nothing
August 26, 2021 08:00 - 32 minutes - 57.5 MBThis is such a profound quote by Rumi and one that can be so helpful for those that wear the perfectionist mask. In this episode Kim shares her challenges with a food program that she is on and how she realizes that she is wearing layers of the perfection mask. She shares her all or nothing thinking and when she is not succeeding one hundred percent then she can tend to fall into a pattern of just quitting or giving up because she is not perfect. The antidote to this way of being is to have ...
Empowering GenZ with Eden Gold
August 19, 2021 08:00 - 39 minutes - 71.2 MBThis amazing young woman, Eden Gold, opens up and is very vulnerable as she shares her story and now helps teens and young adults. She is determined to reach and help 1 billion teens and young adults. She has used her pain and her experiences that she experienced so far in her life to help others transform their pain and become more empowered to live a healthier life. We had a great conversation about how parents can show up differently with their teens and young adults in order to help thei...
Struggling vs Suffering
August 12, 2021 08:00 - 27 minutes - 49.2 MBIt is often said that pain in life is inevitable, but suffering is optional. Do you even notice when you are suffering? Do you find yourself complaining or feeling like a victim? Do you tell yourself stories that keep you perpetuating the cycle of suffering? Kim and Tia talk about how we can free ourselves if we can look at our experiences and ask ourselves is this happening to me or for me? One is very different from the other. When we can have the perspective that all experiences in life ...
Are You Feeding the Fire?
August 05, 2021 08:00 - 24 minutes - 44.2 MBIs pressure serving you in your life or is it hindering your day-to-day well-being? Do you feel pressure to be perfect? Do you feel pressure to meet unrealistic expectations from yourself and others? Is there an unrealistic expectation of what it means to be successful? If you answered yes to any of these questions you are not alone. Culture has put a lot of pressure on us and then we just add fuel to the fire by putting more pressure on ourselves and we often end up feeling that we are not ...
Reinvent, Reclaim, and Reimagine with Debra Lee May
July 29, 2021 08:00 - 46 minutes - 82.7 MBDo you ever feel like you have lost your voice and you just don’t feel like you are yourself? Do you ever feel like you have lost yourself and that you are not living the life that you want and desire? How often we get caught up in our roles, our patterns and living our day to day without really being authentic to who we are. Debra shares her journey and how she reclaimed her true self and how she helps women to do the same through her coaching business. To hear more about how Debra helps ot...
Mountain Tops
July 22, 2021 08:00 - 27 minutes - 49.3 MBHow many times have you been in a rut or a difficult time in your life and felt like you would never see the light at the end of the tunnel? Do you abandon self-care during these times and therefore end up feeling even more depleted? The most important thing we can do for ourselves is to take care of ourselves even if it is sprinkled throughout the day. A few minutes of breathing or stretching or drinking some extra water will actually make a difference. It is a practice of putting water in ...