All Therapists are Jerks, and . . .
168 episodes - English - Latest episode: 7 months ago - ★★★★★ - 40 ratingsThe quote "All Therapists Are Jerks" from Marsha Linehan, creator of Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), refers to the fallibility agreement within consult groups. The mission of the podcast is to help educate on the use of DBT skills and philosophy and to make them more accessible to the average listener and in particular those with loved ones who struggle with emotion regulation difficulties.
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Episodes
Ramblings of a Quarantined Mind
November 02, 2020 13:26 - 42 minutes - 24.6 MBEpisode 71. Ramblings of a Quarantined Mind. Apologies to the Listener. You may have been expecting accumulating positives in the long term, and that is not what this is about. Ulland and Jo discuss trying to get back in the saddle of recording when COVID hits close to home, and it ends up being about ‘Merica, the world, and trying to vote from a wise mind place. It may feel like they are asking the impossible in today’s world.
Val 6.2: Death
October 06, 2020 13:12 - 38 minutes - 23.4 MBEpisode 70. Val 6.2 Death. Life after death. Kidding. In this episode Ulland and Jo wrap up the death talk. Ulland tries to monetize the Podcast with Tacos. Ulland talks about his liver… like who approaches living this way?! Jo comments to Ulland “You did a major cliff hanger from that episode to this episode—I almost forgot.” Some cliffhanger, Ulland, some cliffhanger.
Val 6.2: Death
October 06, 2020 13:12 - 38 minutes - 23.9 MBEpisode 70. Val 6.2 Death. Life after death. Kidding. In this episode Ulland and Jo wrap up the death talk. Ulland tries to monetize the Podcast with Tacos. Ulland talks about his liver… like who approaches living this way?! Jo comments to Ulland “You did a major cliff hanger from that episode to this episode—I almost forgot.” Some cliffhanger, Ulland, some cliffhanger.
Val 6.1: Death
October 01, 2020 02:49 - 31 minutes - 19.6 MBEpisode 69. Val 6.1: Death 1. Ulland and Jo review Immortality Projects and how they are related to values. Ulland provides the only initial conditions for which he might chose to extinguish his flame—he’s desperately hoping to never become a vampire, because, let’s be honest, life is mostly routine and boring. He makes yet another mistake: the title of the Raymond Carver’s last book of poetry is “A New Path to the Waterfall.” Worth a read if poetry and brutal, honest self-reflection are you...
Val 6.1: Death
October 01, 2020 02:49 - 31 minutes - 20.3 MBEpisode 69. Val 6.1: Death 1. Ulland and Jo review Immortality Projects and how they are related to values. Ulland provides the only initial conditions for which he might chose to extinguish his flame—he’s desperately hoping to never become a vampire, because, let’s be honest, life is mostly routine and boring. He makes yet another mistake: the title of the Raymond Carver’s last book of poetry is “A New Path to the Waterfall.” Worth a read if poetry and brutal, honest self-reflection are your...
Val 5.2: Rejection
September 09, 2020 13:45 - 1 hour - 36.1 MBEpisode 68. Val 5.2: Rejection. Ulland starts by inadvertently blaming Jo for difficulty starting to record due to generalized shenanigans. What a dum dum. The partnership continues a dialogue about rejection and limits and how they pertain to relationships and codependency. This episode addresses more relational aspects of rejection.
Val 5.1: Rejection
August 31, 2020 13:48 - 45 minutes - 29 MBEpisode 67. Val 5.1: Rejection. The partnership discusses the Paradox of Choice and how limits around choices may lead to more happiness. Rejection of infinite options may lead to creative choices, and increased commitment to a couple activities, leading to mastery. DBT, viewed as rigid by some outsiders, allows for the freedom and creativity of its practice. This episode addresses more philosophical aspects of rejection.
Val 4: Failure.
August 25, 2020 14:24 - 43 minutes - 21.4 MBEpisode 66. Val 4: Failure. Ulland and Jo welcome failure. Such a good way to learn. Fail hard, fail fast, fail often. Ulland’s son plays the cello so no one can hear it, but Jo. Multiple examples of failure are given, including science and how each of Jo and Ulland risked and failed to arrive where they are today.
Val 4: Failure
August 25, 2020 14:24 - 43 minutes - 23.1 MBEpisode 66. Val 4: Failure. Ulland and Jo welcome failure. Such a good way to learn. Fail hard, fail fast, fail often. Ulland’s son plays the cello so no one can hear it, but Jo. Multiple examples of failure are given, including science and how each of Jo and Ulland risked and failed to arrive where they are today.
Val 3.3: “Kill your ‘self’,” says the Buddhist.
August 10, 2020 14:08 - 55 minutes - 31.6 MBEpisode 65. Val 3.3: “Kill your ‘self’,” says the Buddhist. Ulland and Jo review avoidance of uncertainty, which can happen from a threat to our identity. Buddhist’s offer the solution of minimizing our identity being such a focus—the attachment of who we think we are or how others expect us to be. Ulland and Jo give several personal and impersonal examples of situations that may challenge identity.
Val 3.3: “Kill your ‘self’,” says the Buddhist
August 10, 2020 14:08 - 55 minutes - 32.9 MBEpisode 65. Val 3.3: “Kill your ‘self’,” says the Buddhist. Ulland and Jo review avoidance of uncertainty, which can happen from a threat to our identity. Buddhist’s offer the solution of minimizing our identity being such a focus—the attachment of who we think we are or how others expect us to be. Ulland and Jo give several personal and impersonal examples of situations that may challenge identity.
Val 3.2: Meaning in Uncertainty
August 03, 2020 14:13 - 28 minutes - 17.1 MBEpisode 64. Val 3.2: Meaning in Uncertainty. Ulland and Jo discuss meaning and how subjective it is compared to an objective universe. Ulland likens the evolution of the mind being a house with multiple additions. They discuss how meaning can be either positive or negative. Jo discusses how meaning has to adapt and change sometimes, and life can teach us that some values were not effective enough for each of us.
Val 3.1: Uncertainty
July 28, 2020 13:31 - 41 minutes - 22.5 MBEpisode 63. Val 3.1: Uncertainty. Ulland and Jo gossip about their familiar friend Uncertainty. No one knows when the episode will start for sure. Neither do they it seems. Ulland tries while Jo is ruthless for at least “tuna . . . half minutes.” Jo retorts, “Turn-about is fair play.” The beginning suggests a possible failure—they might be ahead of themselves here with this one, since Failure will be the third value discussed. Eventually.
Val 2: Accountability
July 15, 2020 01:22 - 55 minutes - 33.2 MBEpisode 62. Val 2: Accountability. Ulland and Jo define accountability. Examples are given. Ulland discusses the complexity of accountability in treatment with an example of how systems struggle to be accountable at times when clients become stuck in treatment.
Val 1: Shi**y and Good Values
July 14, 2020 03:37 - 35 minutes - 18.8 MBEpisode 61. Val 1: Shi**y and Good Values. Ulland and Jo start the conversation about values in a theoretical sense. They review values that are helpful and then shift to talking about some substitutes for good values.
Happiness = Problems to Solve
June 22, 2020 14:22 - 43 minutes - 27.4 MBEpisode 60. Happiness = Problems to Solve. Ulland and Jo discuss how problems are necessary for growth and positive emotions. They discuss dialects and the Biosocial Theory as relevant to how our country is suffering in recent moments—how abuse of power has directly affected minorities. They ask for those less directly effected to quietly listen and make space for the expression of grief. They also suggest that values show us which problems we need to work on. And there are no easy answers f...
First World Problems
June 01, 2020 13:47 - 44 minutes - 19 MBEpisode 59. First World Problems. Ulland and Jo review the mediocre life. They review technology and the overwhelming amount of choices we have and how that has not led to happiness. The effervescent optimist Ulland makes the statement, “The vast majority if your life is boring.” He concludes his case with the wisdom that exceptional people poop, too. “I’m a primitive animal!” Finally accept the mundane by living in mediocristan and consider the backwards law.
Theory(s) of Stuckedness
May 25, 2020 02:47 - 29 minutes - 16.8 MBEpisode 58. Theory(s) of Stuckedness. Ulland and Jo re review Jo’s Theory(s) of Stuckedness. This had been discussed in the previous episode of Turning the Mind. More examples are given and some different examples to high lite how awareness is often central to being stuck, as well as other factors for why change is so difficult.
Pefrectionism: Body Image, OCD, OCPD and Anger
May 19, 2020 14:00 - 32 minutes - 20.3 MBEpisode 57. Pefrectionism as it Relates to Body Image, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and anger. Ulland and Jo discuss some ways that perfectionistic thinking can reinforce concern for the appearance of one’s body. OCD is also discussed as it can be common for individuals who also have body image issues, and shares some similar thought patterns. OCPD is discussed as a different process than OCD, and how it is related to anger and conflict in relation...
Prefectionism: Depression, SAD and GAD
May 13, 2020 14:32 - 33 minutes - 20.1 MBEpisode 56. Prefectionism: Depression, SAD and GAD. Ulland and Jo discuss perfectionism and how it relates to depression and the most common anxiety disorders people experience. They review how social anxiety can be influenced by perfection in parents and adults who are critical of adolescent experiences. Ulland shares at least one socially traumatic experience from middle school—there are so many of them, really, to choose from.
Perfecionism: Thoughts and Behaviors
May 11, 2020 15:25 - 22 minutes - 13.7 MBEpisode 55. Thoughts and Behaviors of Perfecionism. Ulland and Jo review thoughts and behaviors strongly associated with perfectionism. Look for these in yourself and in other people. Try and reduce them if you can. Will you accept the challenge?
Origins of Perfectionism
April 27, 2020 14:10 - 41 minutes - 25 MBEpisode 54. Origins of Perfectionism. Ulland and Jo decide to take on perfectionism. With mistakes. This episode reviews what it is, what it looks like, and where it may come from. Some skills are suggested. Ulland complains about Facebook. Again.
Bloopers for Assumptions
April 27, 2020 12:45 - 6 minutes - 3.82 MBBloopers for Assumptions. Ulland hits record and Jo doesn’t know as usual, since no one tells no one what to do. A short conversation unfolds about how assumptions of intent are made and then often argued ineffectively in conversations with others. Suggestions for what to do are made, and not just becoming an old, really old Zen Master.
Dialectical Responses to Trauma
April 21, 2020 01:04 - 40 minutes - 24.5 MBEpisode 53. Dialectical Response to Trauma. Ulland and Jo discuss common responses to trauma. The dialects are drawn similarly to how the Secondary Targets are drawn, and Ulland will have to talk with IT about getting a picture up on the website. Please review the Secondary Targets in Episode 19 to see how similar these dialects are, with regards to how emotions are processed. For instance, apparent competence also occurs with invalidation of emotion, or emotional over control.
The Three Buckets of Shame
April 08, 2020 14:04 - 46 minutes - 27.9 MBEpisode 52. The Three Buckets of Shame. Ulland and Jo review Jo’s insightful idea about three major ways that shame can manifest itself. Perfectionism, fear of being seen and taking up too much space in the world. Several examples are given. Jo even does opposite action to shame after saying “Um” like, seriously, way too many times. Jo steps into her light, and her shame. Not for the faint of heart. Ulland reveals that at one time he was, indeed, 2 legit to quit.
The Forgotten Pandemic
April 01, 2020 12:01 - 38 minutes - 23.7 MBEpisode 51. The Forgotten Pandemic. Ulland and Jo review statistics regarding mental health burden, and cost. Some of the statistics reviewed suggest that mental health has been and continues to be quite prevalent, and cost effective to treat. Much suffering could be prevented if we chose to be concerned with mental health after the COVID pandemic. Currently, as a society we would rather invest in treatment and research of less common, less impactful illnesses.
The KingVirus
March 29, 2020 23:40 - 48 minutes - 30.5 MBEpisode 50. The KingVirus. Ulland and Jo discuss some statistics about COVID, suggesting different perspectives of the reality we find ourselves in. As always, listeners are referred to skills they may find helpful. Keep isolating even if boring, anxiety provoking or . . . lame. And stay healthy.
Assumptions
March 15, 2020 22:58 - 41 minutes - 26.5 MBEpisode 49. Assumptions. Ulland and Jo review the assumptions within DBT—the secret sauce. These are the components that can be some of the most difficult to be sure a system, or group have whereas more attainable for an individual therapist with a humanist bend. They review the treatment, skills, and client assumptions of DBT.
Behavioral Chain Analysis
March 10, 2020 13:10 - 38 minutes - 23.8 MBEpisode 48. BCAs. Ulland and Jo review Behavioral Chain Analysis. They also review missing link analysis. Examples are provided as are the reasons for why BCAs are necessary to overcome behaviors that are difficult to change.
Fidelity
March 02, 2020 04:54 - 22 minutes - 13.8 MBEpisode 47. Fidelity. Ulland and Jo discuss fidelity with DBT. Is it DBT? The five major components are reviewed, including skills group, individual therapist, diary cards, crisis coaching and consultation group. Hopefully consumers have a better idea of what to look for.
Diary Cards
February 23, 2020 12:47 - 53 minutes - 32.8 MBEpisode 46. Diary Cards. At the request of a listener, Ulland and Jo review the importance of diary cards in DBT for many reasons, including metrics, follow through with skills, setting the agenda, etc.
BKRVW03: Irresistible
February 21, 2020 04:38 - 40 minutes - 26.6 MBBKRVW03: Irresistible by Adam Alter. This book reviews addictive behaviors, from defining how they are possible without substances. How they are started and influenced with a primary focus on games and social media as modern examples. He also reviews how these types of media have been designed to be addictive. He provides many great examples and provides some helpful tips for preventing and changing addictive behaviors.
Outtakes for Happiness Episodes
February 15, 2020 17:45 - 3 minutes - 1.92 MBOuttakes for the Happiness episodes. WARNING: Some choice words are said in this short outtake. Apparently, Ulland and Jo see different things in the chapter they reviewed. Like . . . entirely different things seem relevant to each of them. Phenomenology at its best or worst, depending on your perspective.
Happiness 1.2
February 15, 2020 17:34 - 57 minutes - 34.4 MBEpisode 45. Happiness Part 2. Ulland and Jo complete their discussion of concepts relevant to the happiness formula; H = S + (V+C), as found in Jonathan Haidt’s book, “The Happiness Hypothesis.” We discuss adaption, the hedonic treadmill and smaller things that lead to happiness in the moment which is necessary to help build a life well-lived.
Happiness Part 1
February 11, 2020 02:33 - 1 hour - 36.6 MBEpisode 44. Happiness Part 1. Ulland and Jo discuss the happiness formula H=S + (V+C), as found in Jonathan Haidt’s book, “The Happiness Hypothesis.” They discuss the set point, voluntary activities and conditions that seem to matter the most to having a contented life.
Happiness 1.1
February 11, 2020 02:33 - 1 hour - 39 MBEpisode 44. Happiness Part 1. Ulland and Jo discuss the happiness formula H=S + (V+C), as found in Jonathan Haidt’s book, “The Happiness Hypothesis.” They discuss the set point, voluntary activities and conditions that seem to matter the most to having a contented life.
Black Friday Dog Adoption Cliffhanger
February 03, 2020 04:54 - 25 minutes - 15.8 MBEpisode 43. Black Friday Dog Adoption Cliffhanger. Ulland shares with Jo and viewers the outcome of the 2020 resolution to adopt a canine buddy. Damn. It was hard. And, wouldn’t you know it? Opinions. Everyone’s got one.
How to End a Relationship
February 01, 2020 23:55 - 21 minutes - 12.5 MBEpisode 42. How to End a Relationship. Ulland and Jo discuss ending relationships when patterns of communication as discussed in previous episode seem impossible. They review setting limits as a good starting point and then how to bring in the skills of interpersonal effectiveness. Things are more complex if the relationship involves children. Often relationships are not sustainable when others are engaged in behaviors that are against our values, or lead us to behave against our values.
BKRVW02: Digital Minimalism
January 29, 2020 03:37 - 37 minutes - 25 MBBKRVW02: Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. This is a helpful book reviewing how we can change our behaviors with digital media in ways that benefit our lives. Cal does a wonderful job looking at the pitfalls of social media and “Attention Engineering” and how that can impact our lives negatively. He offers practical ideas to implement towards regaining our lives back in more meaningful ways then trying to live through digital interfaces. It is worth a read if you are considering changing ho...
How to Keep a Relationship Part 2
January 28, 2020 03:52 - 25 minutes - 15.9 MBEpisode 41. How to Keep a Relationship Part 2. Ulland and Jo complete their discussion of habits and patterns for healthy communication. This episode reviews role-reversals, and valuing emotional intimacy. These episodes will be followed by an episode reviewing how one ends a relationship from a DBT perspective.
How to Keep a Relationship Part 1
January 23, 2020 04:10 - 37 minutes - 21.5 MBEpisode 40. How to Keep a Relationship Part 1. Ulland and Jo review habits and patterns of healthy communication which lay the foundations for relationships worth keeping. They review a dialectical approach, stress tolerance, integrity, wisdom, sharing emotional space, accountability, and self reflection.
BKRVW01: Drunk Tank Pink
January 19, 2020 23:44 - 24 minutes - 15.1 MBBKRVW01: Drunk Tank Pink by Adam Alter. This is the first book review by Ulland for this podcast. Due to having a life to live, and in this case the Packers needing to win one more game today to be in the Superbowl, Jo is not present. This book is worthy of a read for ease and interest. There are lot of interesting ideas for how humans are easily influenced by environment in both good and not so good ways. This is a good book to read if you want to know what lights or colors are best for y...
Kool-Aid Anyone?
January 13, 2020 03:26 - 19 minutes - 11.8 MBEpisode 39. Not a cult? Why so much Kool-Aid? In this episode Ulland and Jo review how DBT may be confused as being a closed group, often misunderstood by other treatment providers from other models. It has been accused as being cult-like from outsiders—just like most cults are accused of being cults from outsiders. They review Theo Dorpat’s book on Gaslighting, Double Binds, and Covert Control in psycho analysis. The unit has a culture of care, but not a CULTure. And . . . the Kool-Aid IS d...
Black Friday Dog Adoption
January 05, 2020 04:08 - 26 minutes - 15.9 MBEpisode 38. Black Friday Dog Adoption. In this episode Ulland discusses his family’s difficulty adopting a previously not-so-loved canine. Jo provides moral support and some feedback with respect to dialectical approach, catching missed opportunities and repairing in the moment. We review the importance of grieving the loss of pets. Children learn how to deal with loss and be more able to grieve future losses.
Interview 2: Matt
January 03, 2020 22:42 - 51 minutes - 32.8 MBEpisode 37. Interview2: Matt. In this episode Ulland and Jo invite Jo’s good friend Matt to a conversation. Matt skips the “pleasantries,” willingly jumping into the deep end. He shares the importance of healthy adults, particularly when our own parents are struggling emotionally. He discusses how people in their suffering unintentionally cause suffering in others, which leads to a discussion of how it can be difficult to grieve loss because the common assumption that we must also be angry. ...
Effective New Year!
December 30, 2019 01:03 - 27 minutes - 16.3 MBEpisode 36. Welcome to 2020, if we are not there already. In this episode Ulland and Jo discuss New Year’s resolutions. Jo provides some helpful pointers at how to view resolutions more as intention, and how to use behaviorism to lead to greater success with change. We review how any change is best accomplished through connecting intent within values.
Happy Holidays if That's Your Thing
December 16, 2019 04:28 - 36 minutes - 18.5 MBEpisode 35. Happy Holidays. In this episode Ulland and Jo talk a little about the holidays which leads to a discussion about fitting back into a family system after experience personal changes. In general, they suggest decreasing expectations, practicing radical acceptance and keeping a dialectical stance. Both explain that there often can be a sadness to radical acceptance of distance in relationships around the holidays. There can be a new stillness to be found through practicing being ski...
Interview 1.3
November 30, 2019 22:24 - 1 hour - 35.5 MBEpisode 34. While in Atlanta at the 2019 ISIT DBT conference, Ulland and Jo finish an interview with Izzy and Julianna, a mother-daughter dyad from a family they worked with over two years ago. They share what it was like to transition home and adjust to life as usual. They discuss how it was to be more congruent with emotion and far more skillful than before, sometimes in relationships that are not reinforcing of emotional vulnerability and effectiveness.
Interview 1.2
November 30, 2019 22:21 - 48 minutes - 27.9 MBEpisode 33. While in Atlanta at the 2019 ISIT DBT conference, Ulland and Jo continue an interview with Izzy and Julianna, a mother-daughter dyad from a family they worked with over two years ago. They share what it was like as an individual and family to learn and apply DBT to their life and the challenging family work they were open and willing to take on. Izzy discusses how the idea of learned helplessness broke her stuckedness so she could pursue change with a passion.
Interview 1.1
November 30, 2019 22:16 - 26 minutes - 15.1 MBEpisode 32. While in Atlanta at the 2019 ISIT DBT conference, Ulland and Jo interview Izzy and Julianna, a mother-daughter dyad from a family they worked with over two years ago. They share what it was like deciding to come across the country to a 12 week, high fidelity DBT residential program.