Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE artwork

Porn, Betrayal, Sex and the Experts — PBSE

252 episodes - English - Latest episode: 3 days ago - ★★★★ - 112 ratings

Two sex addicts in long-term successful recovery are ALSO world-class mental health professionals who specialize in porn and sex addiction recovery. Drawing on 40 years of combined personal and professional experience, Mark and Steve get RAW and REAL about HOW to overcome addiction, heal betrayal trauma and save your marriage. If you're struggling with addiction—we get it. Recovery is hard. We've been there. We'll help you take the fight to your addiction like never before. If you're married to an addict—we KNOW what it's like to nearly destroy a marriage! We'll help you understand the world of your husband's addiction and begin healing your betrayal trauma, regardless of what he decides to do. You don't have to stay stuck. You don't have to keep suffering. We've made all the mistakes so you don't have to. Take back your life. Take back your marriage. Let's do this together! This is the PBSE podcast. 

Sexuality Health & Fitness Mental Health betrayal trauma infidelity cheating overcome porn addiction overcome sex addiction nofap porn addiction recovery your brain on porn porn addiction treatment marriage
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Episodes

How Can "Love" and "Attraction" Evolve Through Disclosure and the Recovery/Healing Process?

March 26, 2024 14:00 - 35 minutes - 24.7 MB

Episode 221 comes in response to the heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener struggling after the disclosure of her porn and sex addicted partner. Have you ever felt the flame of love flicker and feared it might go out? That's the heart of our latest episode where we peel back the layers on rekindling romance in the wake of a porn/sexual addiction disclosure. We share our own stories of navigating the rough seas of love post-recovery, offering listeners raw insights on how marriages can not...

How Can my Family & Friends Support Me & My Partner in Recovery? How Much Should We Share & with Whom?

March 19, 2024 12:00 - 30 minutes - 20.7 MB

In Episode 220, Mark & Steve talk about a challenge in porn/sex addiction and betrayal trauma healing that is all about a "third party"—the family and friends of the addict and partner. Here's a situation submitted by a PBSE listener— Hey guys. Would you consider doing a podcast episode about advice for friends or family trying to support the addict and/or the betrayed partner? It’s like I want to send my friends a guide around [how they can support me] Eg: being “supportive no matter what”...

I Have Habitually, Continually Lied to My Partner! Is There Any Hope for Me and Us?

March 12, 2024 12:00 - 35 minutes - 24.4 MB

In Episode 219, Mark & Steve get super passionate in addressing a heart-felt, yet tragic submission from a PBSE listener. Here's what he had to say— Hi, I would love it if you guys could do a podcast around the effects of years of lies and trickle truths on a full disclosure? I've been a PA for 18 years roughly and i've had a hard time coming to terms with my addiction and its consequences. My partner and i have been together 4 years and she found out 1.5 years ago that I was being unfaithf...

As an Addict, are you “Weaponizing your Weaknesses” as a Reason to NOT Commit to and Live “Real” Recovery?

March 05, 2024 13:00 - 33 minutes - 22.9 MB

In Episode 218, we address two similar questions that we received from partners who are in betrayal trauma healing as a result of their addict spouse's sex/porn addiction behaviors. Here's an excerpt from each of the questions submitted— Partner #1—My husband and I have been together for 3 years. In  late 2022, I found out he had been emotional cheating/porn-using our entire relationship. It continued until the fall of 2023. I have given him feedback on what I need from him to start trustin...

After Deeply Betraying Her, How do I Help my Partner Feel Truly “Chosen” Again?

February 27, 2024 13:00 - 34 minutes - 23.4 MB

We want to thank a courageous partner for submitting the situation and question for Episode 217. Here's what she shared— Hi Mark and Steve, I want to thank you for making this podcast and continuing to tackle these hard topics in a way that is so relatable for recovering addicts and being compassionate for partners. My question relates to sexual intimacy and bringing that back into a relationship that has been crushed by porn and sex addiction. We have been married 15 years and have 2 kids,...

Is this Coupleship Issue a Dual Sex Addiction? Or Something More?

February 20, 2024 13:00 - 28 minutes - 19.7 MB

Episode 216 is in response to a very courageous, transparent submission by a parter who is seeking to heal from the betrayal of a sex/porn addicted spouse AND also overcome her own sexual addiction. Her's what she sent in to PBSE— Hello Mark and Steve! Thank you for all the work and dedication that you have put into your programs and podcasts and for providing the community with invaluable tools and resources! Thank you for sharing your wealth of knowledge. I have an unusual/embarrassing qu...

What Came First—His Emotional Disconnectedness or His Addiction?

February 13, 2024 13:00 - 31 minutes - 21.4 MB

In Episode 215, a PBSE listener asks some very-often-wondered-about questions regarding addiction and related mental, emotional and relational behaviors— I’m wondering what comes first….the chicken or the egg? Do men who already have narcissistic tendencies (born or developed in childhood) gravitate to sex/porn addiction more frequently given their insecure nature and need for validation? Or, has excessive porn use led to an increase in narcissistic tendencies in men? Could this be one reas...

My Partner’s Porn Addiction Ruined Our Sex Life! Can/Should We Seek a Total “Sexual Reset”?

February 06, 2024 13:00 - 31 minutes - 21.4 MB

In Episode 214, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener who finds herself in an all-too-common situation. After several years of marriage, her spouse has owned up to his porn addiction and is in active recovery. However, during their entire relationship, his porn addiction ruined what could've been healthy, connected, mutually-satisfying sexually intimacy. Now, they both want things to be very different going forward. Here are the questions she submitted to PBSE— -  In what ways could we ...

Am I Just Too Insecure and Sensitive About What He Does in His “Private Time”?

January 30, 2024 13:00 - 30 minutes - 21.2 MB

In Episode 213, Mark and Steve tackle a very heart-felt and all-too-common situation submitted by a PBSE listener who is suffering under the heavy burden of betrayal trauma—while at the same time being criticized and discounted by family, friends and other people on social media. Here's what she vulnerably shared— Mark & Steve, I have listened to every episode of your podcast and I wait on the edge of my seat the days in between them. Your words have helped my significant other and I so imm...

“Healthy, Connecting Sexual Dynamic”? You Be the Judge.

January 23, 2024 13:00 - 34 minutes - 23.8 MB

In episode 212, Mark and Steve respond to a tragic situation submitted by a PBSE listener. As opposed to a structured podcast, Mark & Steve spontaneously share their raw, passionate feelings as they read and comment on each part of this partner’s submission; ask a LOT of hard-hitting questions; and relate to their own addiction/recovery experiences and the experiences of the many couples they’ve worked with over the past 20+ years. Here’s the PBSE listener's submission—  Hi guys! I just wan...

Can He Ever “See” Me Physically & Sexually like He does His Porn Fantasies?

January 16, 2024 13:00 - 31 minutes - 21.9 MB

Episode 211 is in response to a very raw and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. She is about to turn 40, is married to a guy who struggles with porn/sex addiction and they have 3 children. About 10 years ago, she found out that he had been regularly viewing porn for the first decade of their marriage. She was devastated and let him know she considered it cheating. In the years that followed, every time she would bring it up, he promised to stop but never did. He gaslit her and claimed...

Is There a Correlation Between ADHD & Porn/Sex Addiction? Can You Cope with Both Collaboratively?

January 09, 2024 13:00 - 33 minutes - 23.1 MB

In Episode 210, Mark & Steve address an issue that comes up often in porn/sex addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—the challenges of ADHD that seem to often correlate with, and/or accompany addiction. This episode is in response to a situation submitted by a PBSE listener— "I have heard there is a correlation between ADHD and addiction. Have you noticed this in your practice, and what is your advice to both addict and partner on how to cope and battle through both issues collabora...

You Get to Decide What Level of Intimacy You Want in Your Relationship.

January 02, 2024 13:00 - 22 minutes - 15.7 MB

Episode 209 is in response to a very complex, awkward, embarrassing, infuriating and painful situation submitted by the partner of a porn/sex addict. He IS in initial recovery, BUT when he finally started "trickle disclosing" his past "addiction behaviors," this led her to do some "detective work" to find out more. In searching his computer, phone, Internet search history, etc., she discovered a devastatingly DARK SIDE to him that she didn't know about and would never have assumed! But, sh...

Can “Emotional Cheating” be Worse Than Sexual Betrayal?

December 26, 2023 13:00 - 38 minutes - 26.5 MB

This episode (#208) is in response to a very vulnerable and heart-felt submission by a PBSE listener. Here's her situation— "You may have already covered during previous episodes and I have just not been able to find it, but could you do a podcast on emotional cheating? This was a big part of my relationship and devastated me more than finding out about his pornography habits. This woman wasn’t something he turned to occasionally, she was someone he contacted daily. All day. Even much earli...

How Do My Partner and I Successfully Navigate a “Therapeutic Separation”? How Do We Do This Well?

December 19, 2023 13:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MB

In Episode 207, Mark & Steve address a situation and concern sent in by a PBSE listener who finds herself in a very painful, difficult and complex situation. Here's how she describes it— "Hey guys, firstly thank you so much for your podcast - it’s helping more than you will ever know. My question is about separation and how to do this well. I found out four months ago, while I was 8 months pregnant, that husband of 7 years has a severe sex addiction. I moved out with our 2 year old and in w...

The More I Learn About His “Disgusting Past” the Less I Want to Have Sex with Him! How Can We Ever Recover From This?

December 13, 2023 04:00 - 29 minutes - 20.6 MB

We know that the title to Episode 206 is hard-hitting! But, this is very close to a "quote" from a PBSE listener who is a partner in betrayal trauma healing. Here's the very raw and real situation and question she sent to us— "Hi Mark and Steve, My husband and I are coming up on one year since D-Day. We’ve each been in individual therapy and 12 step groups: he for his addiction, me for betrayal trauma. One of the problems is that we haven’t had a formal therapeutic disclosure and more and m...

What is the Betrayed Partner’s Responsibility in Rebuilding a Relationship?

December 05, 2023 13:00 - 35 minutes - 24.4 MB

In Episode 205, Mark and Steve tackle a VERY sensitive, but crucial topic. This episode comes in response to a porn/sex addict in recovery who wrote the following— "Hi there, I just want to start by saying thank you for your work in this area of addiction. I'm an addict and I've been in a relationship for the past 4 years. I've betrayed my partner several times during that time. I've been to treatment and I've come a long way since those early days in the relationship. I've stopped my damag...

How to have a Healthy Couples Dialogue in Tackling Sexually Triggering Topics

November 28, 2023 13:00 - 28 minutes - 19.5 MB

In Episode 204, Mark & Steve take on what is often a very difficult topic for couples—talking openly, authentically and non-defensively about all aspects of their sexual relationship. This episode is in response to a situation and question sent in by a PBSE listener. Her partner is in active, genuine recovery from porn/sex addiction and doing a lot of things right. Yet, there are some aspects of his behavior that she is unsure about. Here's how she describes the situation— "My question toda...

How Can an Addict and Partner Stay “Safe” During Holiday Trips and Vacations?

November 21, 2023 13:00 - 35 minutes - 24.7 MB

In episode 203, Mark and Steve tackle an issue that is often extremely challenging for both the individual who is in recovery from porn/sex addiction AND for their partner who is healing from betrayal trauma. That issue is—Trips and Travel—during the holidays as well as trips and vacations throughout the year. -  WHY can trips and vacations be SO triggering for both the addict and their partner?! -  HOW  is safety created for addicts AND their partners when the addict travels "solo"? -  ...

I Have Been Betrayed by So Many Men! What Steps Can I Take Going Forward to NOT be Hurt Again?!

November 14, 2023 13:00 - 34 minutes - 23.9 MB

Episode 202 is in response to a deeply traumatic situation and heartfelt questions sent in by a PBSE listener. For over 40 years, this dear woman has been betrayed, gaslighted, lied to, disrespected and dismissed by the men in her life, starting with her own father. Now, much older and wiser, IF she enters into a future relationship, she doesn't want to set herself up for the pain of the past. Here's how she expressed this deep concern— "I don't EVER want these types of relationships again!...

Why do Betrayed Partners Feel Unsafe? What does it take to Feel Safe Again and Why is this Critical to Healing?

November 07, 2023 13:00 - 31 minutes - 21.6 MB

In episode 201, Mark and Steve address a very genuine and vulnerable cry for help from a woman who was severely betrayed by her husband. Her message and questions were lengthy, so here's a summary of what she submitted to PBSE— -  Our PBSE listener had a good friend who was temporarily living in her home. Her husband had an affair with the friend while she was staying there.  -  When confronted, the husband and friend both blamed our listener for the situation, claiming it was because our ...

Episode 200!!! What Does it Mean to “Dare” in Your Relationship?

October 31, 2023 12:00 - 36 minutes - 24.8 MB

This is PBSE's 200th episode!  We (Mark & Steve) want to express our deepest appreciation to all of our PBSE listeners in more than 185 countries world-wide. YOU are the reason we are so passionate about this cause and dedicated to bringing you our weekly podcast. Thank you, thank you, thank you! One of the great passions that fuels our counseling work and the PBSE Podcast is the opportunity to help couples mend their broken relationships and move forward to be closer and more connected tha...

You Can Rewire Your Subconscious Mind—and Break Out of Porn/Sex Addiction!

October 24, 2023 12:00 - 23 minutes - 15.9 MB

In Episode 199, Steve is on the road traveling so Mark is flying solo on the PBSE podcast.   Everyday we think, talk and act on "autopilot" in SO many ways! All of this is "hard-wired" in the subconscious mind's computer.  And one of the most powerfully hard-wired programs the subconscious mind’s computer can contain is ADDICTION. Addiction is all about reacting on autopilot. We encounter stress, discomfort, pain, disappointment, shame, fear, failure and any number of other negative feeling...

SPECIAL EPISODE! For My Recovery & My Partner’s Healing—How Can I Stop “Scanning in Public”?

October 17, 2023 12:00 - 1 hour - 46.1 MB

Episode 198 is a very special episode!  You will notice that this episode is much longer than what is typical for PBSE. That's because we're doing a "re-broadcast" of a special "on-location" Dare to Connect session we did for addicts in recovery back in January 2023. We are doing this in response to a request made to us by a current PBSE and D2C subscriber— "Mark and Steve, the other day [in my Reddit group], I shared how my addict spouse had learned to not scan and objectify and the tools ...

Sick and Tired of the Roller Coaster Ride of Porn/Sex Addiction? Here Are Some Simple Tools to Start Breaking Free.

October 10, 2023 12:00 - 25 minutes - 17.5 MB

After years or decades of feeling stuck in the endless "addiction cycle," it can be easy to become weighed down in hopelessness and the seeming "inevitability" of continuing relapse.  In Episode 197, Mark Kastleman  shares some simple, yet powerful tools to begin breaking free from the shackles of porn/sex addiction. For well over a decade, these tools have been tested and proved with thousands of addicts across the globe. Perhaps they can help you or someone you love in the fight to be free...

My Spouse “Fooled” Me and Everyone in Our Family for Years! Now I Can’t Stand to Even Look at Him! Is there any Hope for us?

October 03, 2023 12:00 - 33 minutes - 23.3 MB

Episode 196 is in response to a very raw and painful situation shared by the spouse of a porn/sex addict. Here's what she had to say— Hi and thank you both so much for what you do, I found you through the worst time in my life by the grace of god. I am in my second marriage with a man who is ten years younger than myself. I poured my heart and soul into this marriage, and I have recently found out all the secrets he has kept from me for years. He has fooled everyone, my entire family, even ...

What is the Difference Between “Codependence” and Authentic Feelings & Boundaries?

September 26, 2023 12:00 - 32 minutes - 22.3 MB

There is an old, antiquated psychology model that is unfortunately still referenced by too many people out there regarding how porn/sex addiction impacts a spouse/partner. That old model is called, "Codependency." For many years, Mark and Steve have practiced a far more effective and correct model and approach known as, "Betrayal Trauma." A PBSE listener who is the partner of a porn/sex addict, sent in a situation and questions around the misguided use and even "weaponization" of the term ...

How Can a Porn/Sex Addict in Recovery, most effectively project His Authenticity and Higher Self?

September 19, 2023 12:00 - 36 minutes - 25.3 MB

In Episode 194, Mark and Steve respond to what may be the most brief situation and question ever submitted to PBSE. It comes from a sex addict trying to reconcile with his partner. Here's his submission— "How can I reconcile my infidelity and my care for women’s rights? My wife says that I’m lying to myself, but I feel like I do care about #metoo. Like, wtf???" In this episode, Mark and Steve get raw and real about HOW a porn/sex addict in recovery can most effectively project his authenti...

What is “His” Role and “Her” Role in Rebuilding Trust?

September 12, 2023 12:00 - 32 minutes - 22.5 MB

In Episode #193, Mark & Steve talk passionately about a super-crucial part of addiction recovery and betrayal trauma healing—rebuilding trust! This episode was created in answer to the following situation sent in by a sex/porn addict actively seeking recovery and yearning to rebuild trust with his partner— "Hello, I have been listening for a few months now and have a question. A little back story, I have been as far as I know addicted to sex/porn for most of my life (about 30 years). Until ...

Should I Marry My Porn-Addicted Fiancé or Move On?

September 05, 2023 12:00 - 31 minutes - 21.7 MB

We KNOW this is a VERY intense episode title! We decided to tackle this topic because it was submitted by a PBSE listener who is engaged to a porn addict and wants to know if she should proceed or end the relationship. Here's how she describes her situation— "Hi, I really appreciate this podcast and what it offers—as a partner of a porn addict, it gives me valuable insight on what we are both going through. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years. About 3 years ago, I found out about his ...

What Happens when Porn Use/Sex Addiction is Blamed on the so-called “Inadequacies” of a Partner?

August 29, 2023 12:00 - 23 minutes - 16.3 MB

In Episode 191, Mark and Steve take on what is an extremely difficult and painful topic for the partners of porn/sex addicts. This episode is in response to a PBSE listener vulnerably and transparently describing a very hurtful and traumatic situation and history she is facing with her partner. During their relationship, he has regularly chosen to access porn and other sexual behaviors outside of the loyalty and faithfulness of their committed relationship. When he immerses himself into thos...

After My Lying and Gaslighting, My Partner Won’t Believe Me! How Do I Show True Empathy & Rebuild Trust?

August 22, 2023 12:00 - 32 minutes - 22.5 MB

In Episode 190, Mark and Steve take on some excellent questions asked by a PBSE listener. He is in good, solid, active recovery from porn/sex addiction and alcoholism. He is doing a LOT of right things and amassing some really good sobriety. But, based on his long history of addiction, lying, gaslighting, etc., she is having a hard time believing that he is doing as well as he claims. Here's part of what he shared— ". . .  she doesn't believe it was possible for me to cut back like I claim ...

Boundaries, Trauma and “Long-Distance-Sex”–Where do We Go From Here?

August 15, 2023 12:00 - 38 minutes - 26.3 MB

In Episode 189, Mark and Steve answer three critical questions sent in by a PBSE listener who is trying to balance her own healing from sexual trauma and her relationship with a 15-year-porn-addict who refuses to get into recovery.  And he insists on a long-distance, "digital/cyber" sexual relationship. Here's her situation— "My partner and I are long distance. He has been a porn addict for the last 15 years and due to unrelated circumstances, refuses to get into formal recovery right now, ...

Will Confronting my Addict’s "Acting-Out Partners" Help Me Heal?

August 08, 2023 12:00 - 34 minutes - 23.4 MB

Episode 188 addresses a PBSE Listener's painful situation and heart-felt, crucial questions: "Hi Mark and Steve, Firstly I want to thank you for hearing my previous question about my addict partners "empathy Button" being broken. Your podcast really reiterated that we are on the right track. Our disclosure day was with a Sex Addiction Specialist and we are both in ongoing therapy working through our individual journeys as well as our journey together.  Today I have a question geared more t...

What Place Does “Edging” Have or Not Have in Healthy Recovery and Healing a Relationship?

August 01, 2023 12:00 - 29 minutes - 20.3 MB

In Episode 187, Mark & Steve take on a topic and question from a PBSE listener that hasn't been specifically addressed on the podcast before. Here's what a listener submitted— "Hi Mark and Steve - long time listener now and I've recommended your podcast many times to others in recovery. Thank you for all you professionalism, vulnerability, and all the resources you've put together! My question today is about so-called "edging" which refers to masturbation without orgasm. There seems to be c...

My Partner’s Definition of “What is Porn” is Different from Mine—We are at an Impasse—Now What?!

July 25, 2023 12:00 - 35 minutes - 24.2 MB

In episode 186, Mark & Steve address a very difficult and sensitive topic sent in to PBSE by the partner of an addict in recovery— "My husband and I have been in healthy recovery for an extended amount of time. He thinks someone can be objectified whether they have clothing or not, so if he wants to watch a movie where he knows there is a scene with nudity—that has nothing to do with the topic of a movie—as long as HE knows his intent and purpose for watching the movie, it doesn’t break his...

My Porn/Sex Addict Partner’s “Empathy Button” is Broken! What Can I Do?

July 18, 2023 12:00 - 30 minutes - 20.8 MB

The title for Episode 185 may sound a bit strange—"My Porn/Sex Addict Partner’s 'Empathy Button' is Broken! What Can I Do?" Actually, the idea of a "broken empathy button" comes from a PBSE listener who sent us the following situation and plea for help— "I am the betrayed partner of a sex addict and we are around 2 months into our journey at this point—very early days. So far I have to say my partner seems to be doing all the right things and listening to the podcast has somewhat reinforced...

How can we Connect When My Partner Acts Out and Then Goes to Shame—Silent, Stoic and Self-Absorbed?!

July 11, 2023 12:00 - 30 minutes - 21.2 MB

In Episode 184, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's situation and question. This is a VERY common situation that MANY partners describe who are struggling under the heavy burden of Betrayal Trauma— "My husband acts out & then completely turns inward about how awful of a person  he is & in turn I feel like he pushes me away. How do I as a partner in betrayal react to this? His silence & ignoring me makes me so angry. I know that the opposite of addiction is connection & my husband ha...

“Clearing Away the Wreckage of Your Past"—Recovery Lessons from Steve’s Metal Detecting Trip

July 04, 2023 12:00 - 30 minutes - 21.1 MB

Almost 30 years ago, when PBSE co-founder Steve Moore was 13-years-old, his father was killed in a plane crash. This traumatic event played a big role in Steve developing an addiction to pornography as a young teen. A few weeks ago, Steve traveled to his father's plane crash site to "uncover the wreckage of his past." In this special episode, Steve relates his experience directly to how crucial "uncovering and clearing away the wreckage of your past" is to recovery and healing— -  “Scanning...

I Want My Addict Partner to SUFFER; to Feel TERRIBLE like I do! Is that Normal? How Can I Stop this Feeling?!

June 27, 2023 12:00 - 30 minutes - 21 MB

In Episode 182, Mark and Steve respond to a very authentic, vulnerable and VERY direct question from a PBSE listener— "Can you address this question on your podcast?  I want my partner to suffer the same hurt as he inflicted on me. I actually want him to feel terrible. Why do I feel this way. How can I stop feeling this way? " -  What does "Betrayal Trauma" look like and feel like when you are the partner of a sex/porn addict? -  Why does Betrayal Trauma feel "crazy;" create "emotional va...

Evolve from Treating the “Symptoms of Addiction” to a Real & Lasting “Change of Heart & Mind."

June 20, 2023 12:00 - 28 minutes - 19.4 MB

In episode 180, Mark and Steve address an insightful inquiry from a porn/sex addict seeking a real and lasting change of heart and mind in his recovery. Here's how he describes his situation— "Hello! I am a recovering porn addict, and I have been listening to your podcast for the past six months or so. I have had a CSAT for the past nine months and started going to 12-step meetings around the same time. The recovery process has been hard, but I have begun to finally uncover some of the need...

Should I Pay Off My New Spouse's "Porn Debt" So We Can Have a Solid Financial Start?

June 13, 2023 16:00 - 33 minutes - 22.7 MB

We KNOW this episode title sounds crazy! But, many partners of porn/sex addicts face some hard decisions about where to "draw boundaries" as they try to navigate the relationship moving forward. In this episode, Mark and Steve respond to a PBSE listener's genuine concerns and questions about discovering her new spouse has tens of thousands of dollars of credit card debt as a result of his years of online addiction. She accurately refers to this as "financial infidelity" on top of all the o...

Is There a “Statute of Limitations” on Feelings, Betrayal Trauma and Disclosure?

June 06, 2023 12:00 - 28 minutes - 19.6 MB

In Episode 178, Mark and Steve address an all-too-common situation and question faced and asked by porn/sex addicts in recovery and their partners seeking to heal from betrayal trauma—"Should there be a limit on how long and how many times difficult feelings can be felt, expressed and processed; how long and how many times betrayal trauma can resurface, be confronted and shared; how long before Disclosure cannot be asked for, or additional Disclosures requested? Is there a "statue of limitat...

How do I Stop Comparing Myself to Porn and His Sexual Fantasies?

May 30, 2023 12:00 - 28 minutes - 19.5 MB

In Episode 177, Mark and Steve address a very heart-felt question sent in by a PBSE listener— "My partner recently came clean to me about porn addiction and online disloyalty, as well as checking out my friends. He insists that these other women's appearances have very little to do with his sexual attention towards them, and he wasn't even really attracted to them. He says it was all about the pornographic dynamic he projected onto them. Do you have any episodes that could help me stop comp...

If “Sex is Optional,” How can a Couple Possibly Stay Connected?!

May 23, 2023 12:00 - 25 minutes - 17.2 MB

In this episode Mark and Steve address a super common question—if "sex is optional" in a relationship, then how can a couple possibly stay connected?!  This question actually came in recently from a PBSE listener. Here's how she asked it— "Hi, I’ve been binge listening to your podcast for a few days now to try to understand my partner’s addiction. I have been able to take away a ton of great stuff, but I have a question. You often say that sex is optional. I think I understand the sentiment...

How Can We Avoid the Traps and Pitfalls of Addiction Recovery and Betrayal Trauma Healing?

May 16, 2023 12:00 - 25 minutes - 17.3 MB

Episode 175 finds Steve and his wife on vacation on the island of Hilo in Hawaii. Hilo is the site of an actual "active" volcano. While there, they observe that there are limited "solid footpaths" around the volcano and a LOT of areas of "thin crust" where the lava is flowing one or two inches below the surface! The surface "looks" solid, but step on it and BAM! you plunge through the crust and into the molten fire! In this episode, Mark & Steve take the Hilo location and terrain and creat...

What Keeps us Stuck in Addiction and What Does “Real” Recovery Look Like?

May 09, 2023 12:00 - 28 minutes - 19.9 MB

The partners of sex/porn addicts can find it difficult or near impossible to discern whether or not their partner is still "stuck in addiction" or in actual "real recovery." Here's how a PBSE listener describes this frustrating, painful experience— 1 year ago, iIfound my husband of almost 25 years has been addicted to porn our whole marriage and he had racked up  tens of thousands in debt that included monthly subscriptions for Viagra, for cam girls and gambling. He has struggled with ED fo...

What Happens When we “Weaponize” What Could be “Healthy Boundaries”?

May 02, 2023 12:00 - 27 minutes - 19 MB

Healthy Boundaries are CRITICAL to our individual happiness and authenticity—AND—to our connection as a couple. But when we're not experienced with setting and holding healthy boundaries and/or we've spent our lives "going along to get along," it can be all-too-easy to "weaponize" what could otherwise be healthy boundaries—sabotaging our own authenticity and and connection in our couple-ship. This episode is in response to a situation sent in by a PBSE listener— My husband starting reading...

“Normal Human Attraction” vs. “Toxic/Betraying Lust”?

April 25, 2023 12:00 - 29 minutes - 20 MB

In Episode 172, Mark and Steve tackle a topic that is extremely difficult, triggering and traumatizing for the partners of porn/sex addicts and even for the addicts themselves—the line between "attraction and lust." This episode is in response to a situation and questions submitted by a PBSE listener— Hi Mark and Steve, The PBSE podcast really has been such a Godsend helping inform my husband and I of the possibility of hope and healing. We had our 4th D-day a few months ago, but in some wa...

What can I do about “Random ED Symptoms” in Sexual Intimacy with my Partner?!

April 18, 2023 12:00 - 24 minutes - 16.9 MB

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is a VERY common challenge among those struggling with porn/sex addiction AND also common for addicts in recovery. The discussion in Episode 171 is in response to a question from a PBSE listener— Hello, I’m an addict in recovery. I’m in good solid recovery I listen to multiple podcasts a day I go to therapy once a week, im working on an empathy workbook in my free time and trying really hard. I’ve been free from porn for 60 days. Since d day I had one slip up about...