Parental Development
130 episodes - English - Latest episode: 5 months ago - ★★★★★ - 35 ratingsParenting is one of the hardest jobs we'll ever have. Dr. Leah Featherstone, clinical psychologist, and her sister, Beka Dean both grew up in a very traditional, conservative family, with a parenting style to match. Through her education and experience, Leah has moved away from that approach and now uses principles of attachment, relational neurobiology, and positive parenting to raise her own kids. The sisters talk through this new approach, with the goal of promoting cooperation and enhancing relationships between adults and the children they help to nurture, support, and raise.
Homepage Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed
Episodes
Break the Cycle
January 18, 2023 10:00 - 44 minutes - 30.5 MBThe whole concept of this type of parenting is staying aware of our reactions as parents and having some insight into where those reactions come from and how we can make changes to respond to our kids in more healthy, respectful ways. This episode covers a specific example of how Leah is doing that work for herself with her son, and provides some ideas for ways to engage in our own healing work that can, in turn, change the trajectory of our children and our relationship with them. We all w...
ADHD
January 11, 2023 10:00 - 44 minutes - 30.5 MBWe're back! After taking a much needed break, we're back to discuss one of the most common diagnoses for kids: ADHD. There has been a significant increase in the number of ADHD diagnoses over the last 5-10 years, leading us to question: Is it really increasing? Are we getting better at diagnosing? Is there increased awareness? Are we overdiagnosing? There is an increased awareness that ADHD-like symptoms are often the result of a disrupted attachment, largely due to the brain changes that ...
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
December 14, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.4 MBThis week goes over all the common holiday issues we often face with our kids, including unwanted touch, food, getting gifts, and boundaries! Overall, let's lower our expectations - our kids are going to be a disaster. Give them (and yourself) grace! I care more about my relationship with my kids and what they think about me than family members I see a couple times a year. Kids should be in charge of their own bodies! If adults get their feelings hurt because a small child doesn't want t...
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays
December 14, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.4 MBThis week goes over all the common holiday issues we often face with our kids, including unwanted touch, food, getting gifts, and boundaries! Overall, let's lower our expectations - our kids are going to be a disaster. Give them (and yourself) grace! I care more about my relationship with my kids and what they think about me than family members I see a couple times a year. Kids should be in charge of their own bodies! If adults get their feelings hurt because a small child doesn't want t...
Climb Every Mountain
December 07, 2022 10:00 - 52 minutes - 36.2 MBMy kid won't stop climbing everything!!! This week talks about a common issue parents face, particularly with young kids, but gives a different perspective on what might be driving this behavior in our littles. What in the Week - while we want our kids to understand how their behavior impacts others, it's also important to help them understand that they are not responsible for the reactions and feelings of other people. When all we do is chase the behavior of our kids instead of trying to ...
Conscious Manipulation
November 30, 2022 10:00 - 37 minutes - 25.5 MBThis week's episode talks through ways parents use dishonesty and threats to manipulate the behavior of their kids. In this week's 'What in the Week,' we again talk through ways to hold boundaries for our kids while being gentle and validating the feelings and reactions to our kids. There's a difference in trying to manage how our kids feel about boundaries and managing their behavior. Gentle parenting does not allow kids to do whatever they want. It DOES allow kids to have whatever reacti...
Kids Say the Darndest Things
November 23, 2022 10:00 - 28 minutes - 19.7 MBOn this episode, we have our very first guest: Leah's 9 year old son, Lincoln! He shares his unique perspective on ways grown ups can help our kids manage emotions and learn ways to handle stress. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the convers...
Don't Take Your Love Away
November 16, 2022 10:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MBMany parents use their relationship as a bargaining chip and tool to manage their kids' behavior, which can be problematic. This episode talks through this strategy and some of the unintended consequences that might come as a result, and gives alternative ways to prioritize our relationship with our kids. Often because we recognize how important attachment is for our kids, we then turn around and use that same attachment as a way to try to change kids' behavior and 'teach them a lesson.' T...
Suicidal Thoughts
November 09, 2022 10:00 - 50 minutes - 35 MBThis episode is tough, but important. After a local completed suicide by a teenager, we wanted to talk about lessons learned and ways to protect our kids as much as possible. All of this information illustrates clearly the importance of starting to have hard conversations with your kids from an early age. The teenagers I talked to talked about how bad their mental health is and how their parents respond to them whenever they talk about their struggles. Overall, teenagers feel invalidated an...
Boundaries
November 02, 2022 09:00 - 47 minutes - 32.8 MBWe're back! We took a brief hiatus because of stuff going on in our lives, but we're excited to have a conversation about boundaries!! Some people who don't understand this type of parenting believe there are no boundaries for our kids, and even parents who do parent this way struggle to know how to hold a boundary in a safe, connected, supportive way. If we can start to expect that our kids will have a negative reaction to the boundary, it can make it easier to respond with respect and con...
Boundaries
November 02, 2022 09:00 - 47 minutes - 32.8 MBWe're back! We took a brief hiatus because of stuff going on in our lives, but we're excited to have a conversation about boundaries!! Some people who don't understand this type of parenting believe there are no boundaries for our kids, and even parents who do parent this way struggle to know how to hold a boundary in a safe, connected, supportive way. If we can start to expect that our kids will have a negative reaction to the boundary, it can make it easier to respond with respect and con...
REPLAY: One More Thing I Wished I'd Said
October 26, 2022 09:00 - 53 minutes - 36.9 MBIn this episode, Leah finishes explaining Polyvagal Theory, and how the ladder helps us understand the state we and our kids are in - Safe and Connected, Fight or Flight, or Collapse/Shut down. The sisters talk about the importance of us staying in "Safe and Connected" so we can bring our kids with us, into the only state where they can actually hear us, listen to us, follow directions, and solve problems. We must pay attention to and insert cues of safety for our kids, such as tone of voice...
REPLAY: She Blinded me with Science
October 19, 2022 09:00 - 47 minutes - 32.5 MBIn this episode Leah really nerds out on the neuroscience associated with this type of parenting - did you know we have more than 5 senses?! She discusses several different theories and research, including the science of interoception, Allan Schore's paper on regulation and attachment, and Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory. While this information may be difficult to take in and fully understand, it also supports many of the ideas and interventions associated with parenting our kids from thi...
Teachers
October 12, 2022 09:00 - 54 minutes - 37.4 MBWhere are our teachers? This episode is specifically for you! We've gotten questions about how you might implement this type of parenting/relationship building in a classroom, so we decided to talk about it! Before we can talk about classroom management strategies, we HAVE to remember the brain science associated with our kids. If you're not familiar with that, listen here, here, and here! When kids (or adults) have flipped their lid, they are incapable of learning new information, making g...
Teachers
October 12, 2022 09:00 - 54 minutes - 37.4 MBWhere are our teachers? This episode is specifically for you! We've gotten questions about how you might implement this type of parenting/relationship building in a classroom, so we decided to talk about it! Before we can talk about classroom management strategies, we HAVE to remember the brain science associated with our kids. If you're not familiar with that, listen here, here, and here! When kids (or adults) have flipped their lid, they are incapable of learning new information, making g...
Girls, Girls, Girls
October 05, 2022 09:00 - 42 minutes - 28.9 MBThis episode continues our discussion about gender and parenting, talking through how to raise resilient girls. Overall, we want our daughters to own their voice and opinions, be confident in their thoughts and feelings, and to understand their worth and that it's not dependent on anyone else. Similar to boys, we want to avoid most of the gender stereotypes, including clothing, toys, and activities. We always want to model healthy relationships and gender roles/norms. How you structure yo...
Boys Become Men
September 28, 2022 09:00 - 47 minutes - 32.5 MBThis episode talks about some things to consider for those of us raising boys within this style of parenting. Most of our boys get messages throughout their childhood that value strength, minimizing emotional expression, and leadership. This teaches them to ignore their emotions and the messages their body is sending, for the sake of appearing strong and in control. Emotional intelligence has generally been determined to be greater in girls when compared to boys. We tend to expect height...
Next Generation
September 21, 2022 09:00 - 35 minutes - 24.5 MBIn this episode Leah and Beka talk about their own parents - what they think about the podcast and gentle parenting, and how this process has impacted their relationship. We also discuss how to navigate relationships with family members who may not agree with everything "gentle parenting" related. It's important to remember that families of origin have the greatest impact on kids, so even if your children are with other people or family members often, parents and guardians have the greatest...
Next Generation
September 21, 2022 09:00 - 35 minutes - 24.5 MBIn this episode Leah and Beka talk about their own parents - what they think about the podcast and gentle parenting, and how this process has impacted their relationship. We also discuss how to navigate relationships with family members who may not agree with everything "gentle parenting" related. It's important to remember that families of origin have the greatest impact on kids, so even if your children are with other people or family members often, parents and guardians have the greatest...
Social Skills
September 14, 2022 09:00 - 50 minutes - 34.5 MBThis episode talks about how social skills develop for our kids, and ways we can support them through that development! Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram
Who Are Parents?
September 07, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.2 MBWe believe that lots of people "parent" our kids, even if they're not their parents. This episode talks through some of the considerations with these scenarios and what to think about if you're "parenting" a child. It's important to remember that a child's family of origin always has more influence over that child than anyone else, including relatives, peers, or teachers. We make a distinction between LOGISTICS, like eating, screen time, etc. and FELT SAFETY like sleeping, bedtime, etc. E...
A Different View
August 31, 2022 10:00 - 44 minutes - 30.3 MBThis episode talks through the science and practical steps of a young boy who has difficulty controlling his anger, even though he's remorseful for his behavior. We're patnering with the Soothing Snuggler to do a give away!! Keep an eye on our social media next week! This episode builds on previous episodes (here and here) that cover basic brain development. It's important to remember that in a stress response, the parts of the brain that are responsible for learning are not online. 1. G...
Welcome To My World
August 24, 2022 10:00 - 44 minutes - 30.8 MBSo much happened this week in Leah's family, we needed an entire episode to talk through it all! Follow up on a talk about weight, body image, health How to give your kids opportunities to safely make mistakes instead of just saying 'no' How to respond when your child swears How to respond to self-harming behaviors Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram Subscribe,...
Body Image
August 17, 2022 10:00 - 38 minutes - 26.5 MBThis episode talks through how to talk about weight changes, health, and body image with our kids. How we talk about our bodies and the bodies of others sets the stage for how our kids think and talk about their own bodies. It's important to pay attention to the subtle messages we're giving, even inadvertently. When there are noticable weight changes, be careful about how you talk and ask about the changes, being intentional to avoid placing judgment on the change - "you look great," "wow...
Back To School
August 10, 2022 09:00 - 30 minutes - 21 MBAs our kids head back to school,this episode gives some tips and tricks to make this time of year a little less stressful and little more connecting with our kids. To help with the stress associated with back to school, try these things: 1. Prep - give them as much information as you know - what will drop off/pick up look like? Who is their teacher? What will their classroom look like? What is their schedule for the day? 2. Forecast - Forecast different scenarios - what's it going to be lik...
Validation
August 03, 2022 09:00 - 46 minutes - 31.7 MBThere has been quite the dust up in the Gentle Parenting community over the last week, which triggered Leah enough that she needed to talk about it! There seems to be a real misunderstanding of the meaning of the phrase "validating emotions." To validate simply means to ACCEPT. It doesn't mean all emotions are right, positive, feel good, etc. At the same time, emotions are different than thoughts. While we always want to validate the emotion (I'm sad), we don't necessarily have to validat...
Validation
August 03, 2022 09:00 - 46 minutes - 31.7 MBThere has been quite the dust up in the Gentle Parenting community over the last week, which triggered Leah enough that she needed to talk about it! There seems to be a real misunderstanding of the meaning of the phrase "validating emotions." To validate simply means to ACCEPT. It doesn't mean all emotions are right, positive, feel good, etc. At the same time, emotions are different than thoughts. While we always want to validate the emotion (I'm sad), we don't necessarily have to validat...
It's About Us
July 27, 2022 09:00 - 34 minutes - 23.4 MBIn this episode Leah does her own work, in front of everyone. Illustrated by an interaction with her 9-year-old, she works through her own history and how it impacts her responses to her own children. We often assign very negative intentions, motives, and behaviors to our kids when they are incredibly young, setting the stage to maintain these negative beliefs about them as they age. The messages we got as children seems to determine the negative attributes we assign our kids. As a chil...
There's Another Way
July 20, 2022 09:00 - 53 minutes - 36.8 MBNow that we've encouraged you to stop using physical punishment, this episode gives specific ideas related to other discipline techniques. We talk through specific questions from parents about what to do to address back talk, sucking fingers, damaging property, and more! Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!! Follow us on social media to join the conv...
Stop Hitting Kids
July 13, 2022 09:00 - 51 minutes - 35.6 MBThis episode addresses parenting and discipline using pain and physical punishment. The research is very clear about how physical punishment alters brain structures and functioning and causes kids to feel unsafe and as though they have to survive these interactions. If you're not clear on typical chlidhood brain development, start here! Spanking may lead to short term behavior change but doesn't teach kids what to do differently. You can look at research studies here, here, and here to gi...
No Biting
July 06, 2022 09:00 - 36 minutes - 25.4 MBThis episode talks through really challening behaviors including biting, hitting, and spitting. Most of us understand this behavior is somewhat normal but often don't know how to respond in a way that is helpful. If you're not familiar with typical childhood brain development, go back and listen to this episode. This is important when thinking about many of the negative behaviors our kids display in early childhood. Our young kids are unable to take the perspective of others, which means ...
Dear Single Moms
June 29, 2022 09:00 - 38 minutes - 26.6 MBThis episode talks through a really sensitive subject, and Beka and Leah do their best to have an honest conversation about the challenges of being a single parent, and how to navigate some of those situations. If abuse is happening in your relationship, your children know more than you think they do, and there is very clear research about the impact this can have on children. Until everyone is safe in their relationships, and able to get out of survival mode, no additional changes can happ...
No Quitting
June 22, 2022 09:00 - 47 minutes - 32.7 MBParents often ask if they should let their kids quit sports, clubs, lessons, etc. We fear that if we let them quit they'll be quitters forever and never learn to work hard. In this episode, Leah and Beka talk through their thoughts on this and ways to teach these skills. All skills are taught: Gradually over time Through Multiple repetitions With Several different inputs It's important, as always to chase the why when your kids' behavior changes. Understanding WHY your kid wants to quit so...
Sibling Rivalry
June 15, 2022 10:00 - 46 minutes - 31.8 MBWhen our kids fight with one another it can be so draining and super challenging to know what to do in those moments. This episode talks through ideas for how to intervene and help our kids develop skills. Our kids' first exposure to developing social skills is their relationship with their siblings. This gives them the opportunity to practice their skills in conflict resolution, apologizing, empathy, etc. This means that the fighting our kids engage in with one another is completely norma...
Sibling Rivalry
June 15, 2022 10:00 - 46 minutes - 31.8 MBWhen our kids fight with one another it can be so draining and super challenging to know what to do in those moments. This episode talks through ideas for how to intervene and help our kids develop skills. Our kids' first exposure to developing social skills is their relationship with their siblings. This gives them the opportunity to practice their skills in conflict resolution, apologizing, empathy, etc. This means that the fighting our kids engage in with one another is completely norma...
Mental Health
June 08, 2022 10:00 - 47 minutes - 32.7 MBMental health has been thrust into the national conversation over the last few weeks, often leading to suggestions, ideas, and conclusions from people who do not work in the field and have no experience with the system. This episode does not involve much about parenting, but Leah provides some education and insight into the system and possible solutions moving forward. There is a difference between mental health and mental illness. We all need to focus on our mental health and wellness, and...
Hard Conversations
June 01, 2022 10:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MBIt's been a really challenging week for all of us, and many of us are questioning how to talk to our kids about some of the really hard things going on in our world. This episode talks through some of those concerns and gives some thoughts and suggestions on how to approach this. Like most things, the degree to which you talk to your kids about certain topics or situations depends on their age. If you do decide to start a conversation, here are some suggestions and things to think through: ...
Hard Conversations
June 01, 2022 10:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MBIt's been a really challenging week for all of us, and many of us are questioning how to talk to our kids about some of the really hard things going on in our world. This episode talks through some of those concerns and gives some thoughts and suggestions on how to approach this. Like most things, the degree to which you talk to your kids about certain topics or situations depends on their age. If you do decide to start a conversation, here are some suggestions and things to think through: ...
Food, Glorious Food
May 25, 2022 10:00 - 49 minutes - 33.8 MBThese statistics about our kids' relationship with food and their bodies are heartbreaking, and led Beka and Leah to talk about food and how to use different tools to promote healthy relationships with food, body autonomy, and interoception. It's important that we don't use food to motivate, reward, or soothe our kids, so those messages don't get hard wired as they enter adolescence and adulthood. It's also important that we build our kids' interoception, which includes: Letting them ea...
Rupture and Repair
May 18, 2022 10:00 - 36 minutes - 24.9 MBAs parents, we often beat ourselves up when we experience a rupture in our relationship with our children. This episode explores the idea that ruptures are inevitable and can even be healthy for relationships, because they give us opportunities for repair. Attunement is one of the main goals in this type of parenting, and according to Dan Siegel, "when we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another." Ruptures, or failing ...
Little Liars
May 11, 2022 10:00 - 46 minutes - 31.9 MBWe all want to raise honest kids and when they lie it can be really hard to know how to respond or what to do! Lying is a very normal part of child development and there are lots of reasons they engage in this type of behavior. Here are some reasons kids are dishonest: 1. They can't separate fantasy from reality 2. They're trying to relate to others 3. They're projecting their feelings onto other people 4. It doesn't feel safe to tell the truth Ultimately, we can't control what comes out o...
Triggered
May 04, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.5 MBThis episode covers a listener question about how to stay calm and regulated when our kids trigger us, including trauma triggers. It's first important to differentiate typical triggers that bother us as parents and those that are related to traumatic memories. Typical behaviors that challenges us as parents include whining, hitting, throwing things, etc. and we talk through some ideas on how to address that behavior. Trauma triggers are something different, and create a response in our ne...
Triggered
May 04, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.5 MBThis episode covers a listener question about how to stay calm and regulated when our kids trigger us, including trauma triggers. It's first important to differentiate typical triggers that bother us as parents and those that are related to traumatic memories. Typical behaviors that challenges us as parents include whining, hitting, throwing things, etc. and we talk through some ideas on how to address that behavior. Trauma triggers are something different, and create a response in our ne...
On the Same Page
April 27, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.4 MBThis has been the most asked question we've ever received: How do I get my partner/spouse on board with this style of parenting? Research has demonstrated there are generally four different types of parenting, based on differing levels of demandingness and responsiveness. Research has also shown that an authoritative style of parenting generally leads to the most positive outcomes in our children, such as school achievement, social skills, depression, delinquency, and more. Leah does a dee...
On the Same Page
April 27, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.4 MBThis has been the most asked question we've ever received: How do I get my partner/spouse on board with this style of parenting? Research has demonstrated there are generally four different types of parenting, based on differing levels of demandingness and responsiveness. Research has also shown that an authoritative style of parenting generally leads to the most positive outcomes in our children, such as school achievement, social skills, depression, delinquency, and more. Leah does a dee...
Time To Go Potty
April 20, 2022 10:00 - 36 minutes - 25.1 MBIn this episode we answer all your potty training questions! Potty training can be confusing and overwhelming as a parent, and something that can lead to judgment from others if our kids don't do it at the "right" time." The average age kids are potty trained is 27 months, but is typical anytime between 18 months and 3 years old. It's important to wait to see some signs that your child is ready to start potty training, such as: 1. Interested in the whole process 2. Ability to tell you befo...
Separation
April 13, 2022 10:00 - 43 minutes - 29.6 MBSeparation anxiety is a normal developmental stage for kids, usually peaking around 18 months and resolving between the age of 2-3. Sometimes kids struggle with separation for a longer period of time or in ways that make it difficult to leave them regularly. In this episode, Beka and Leah talk through ways our kids struggle with separation, ways to help them work through that process, and the importance of preparing them for upcoming separation. At its core, separation anxiety is a fear tha...
Separation
April 13, 2022 10:00 - 43 minutes - 29.6 MBSeparation anxiety is a normal developmental stage for kids, usually peaking around 18 months and resolving between the age of 2-3. Sometimes kids struggle with separation for a longer period of time or in ways that make it difficult to leave them regularly. In this episode, Beka and Leah talk through ways our kids struggle with separation, ways to help them work through that process, and the importance of preparing them for upcoming separation. At its core, separation anxiety is a fear tha...
Let Me Sleep
April 06, 2022 10:00 - 34 minutes - 23.6 MBIn this episode we talk through the importance of sleep for us and our kids, and how to promote better sleep habits. Sleep hygiene is important to set the stage for positive sleep behaviors and prepare our minds and bodies for sleep, making that transition a little easier. This includes monitoring food and drink intake before bed, limiting screens, and making sure beds are only used for sleeping; not punishment. Sleep training is often a big argument in the parenting world, and there are m...
Tantrum
March 30, 2022 10:00 - 47 minutes - 32.7 MBTantrums can be one of the most challenging things to manage as a parent. They seem to come out of nowhere and can feel almost impossible to stop. This episode talks through some of the science behind tantrums and what parents can do to try to manage them a little better! It's important to remember that tantrums are a healthy, normal part of a child's development. They allow young children to express their feelings and learn new ways to manage them, even when the behavior that comes with th...