Boys Become Men

This episode talks about some things to consider for those of us raising boys within this style of parenting.

Most of our boys get messages throughout their childhood that value strength, minimizing emotional expression, and leadership.  This teaches them to ignore their emotions and the messages their body is sending, for the sake of appearing strong and in control.

Emotional intelligence has generally been determined to be greater in girls when compared to boys.  We tend to expect heightened emotionality from our girls, and we often respond accordingly, which integrates those messages more and more.

We often celebrate strength, power, and toughness while minimzing emotions such as hurt, pain, embarrassment, or sadness, we teach them what is important and how one is better than the other. Without validating every emotion and allowing those to be expressed, we disconnect them from themselves, making it difficult for them to communicate, understand, and manage their emotions appropriately.

Many of the messages we send have a tendency to teach our boys that they are better than girls or girls are not as smart, strong, or capable than other boys or men.  We have to throw away virtually all stereotypes, such as colors, toys, chores, etc. We also need to teach about healthy relationships - people are not allowed to touch their body if they don't want them to, and they should not touch another person if they don't want them to.

It's unrealistic to believe that the way our kids interact and process emotions, relationships, and behaviors can automatically change when our kids become adults. Neurons that fire together, wire together, so it's crucial for us to teach them healthy, appropriate ways of expressing themselves, communicating with others, and devloping healthy relationships.

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