Parental Development
130 episodes - English - Latest episode: 5 months ago - ★★★★★ - 35 ratingsParenting is one of the hardest jobs we'll ever have. Dr. Leah Featherstone, clinical psychologist, and her sister, Beka Dean both grew up in a very traditional, conservative family, with a parenting style to match. Through her education and experience, Leah has moved away from that approach and now uses principles of attachment, relational neurobiology, and positive parenting to raise her own kids. The sisters talk through this new approach, with the goal of promoting cooperation and enhancing relationships between adults and the children they help to nurture, support, and raise.
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Episodes
Perfectionism
March 23, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.2 MBIn this episode we talk through perfectionism, anxiety, and school pressures. The way we react to our kids as it relates to grades, performance, and school sends subtle messages about how e value those things and what it means if our kids perform well or struggle in these areas. If kids believe that their performance is tied to their worth, then problems can lead to shame and other negative reactions. Like many other aspects of parenting, how we view our worth or success impacts how we resp...
Perfectionism
March 23, 2022 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.2 MBIn this episode we talk through perfectionism, anxiety, and school pressures. The way we react to our kids as it relates to grades, performance, and school sends subtle messages about how e value those things and what it means if our kids perform well or struggle in these areas. If kids believe that their performance is tied to their worth, then problems can lead to shame and other negative reactions. Like many other aspects of parenting, how we view our worth or success impacts how we resp...
The Old School Teacher
March 16, 2022 10:00 - 39 minutes - 26.9 MBSchools often struggle to implement discipline in a way we would support, and it's challenging as a parent to know how to advocate for our kids in their classrooms and with their teachers. In this episode, we respond to a text message from a mom seeking help in how to approach her daughter's teacher and address some concerning discipline practices. Using food to manage behavior can create all kinds of negative relationships with food, eating, our bodies, etc. and this is particularly probl...
It's Never Too Late
March 09, 2022 11:00 - 38 minutes - 26.7 MBIn this episode, Leah uses relationships depicted on Cheer to illustrate how attachment patterns show up in adolesence and early adulthood. Children with attachment disruptions early in life often grow into adolescents and young adults who struggle to trust reciprocal, intimate relationships. This can lead to them running from the relationship, making accusations, and avoiding any semblence of connection. Parents of teenagers often imply that they don't have to worry about attachment, or th...
It's Never Too Late
March 09, 2022 11:00 - 38 minutes - 26.7 MBIn this episode, Leah uses relationships depicted on Cheer to illustrate how attachment patterns show up in adolesence and early adulthood. Children with attachment disruptions early in life often grow into adolescents and young adults who struggle to trust reciprocal, intimate relationships. This can lead to them running from the relationship, making accusations, and avoiding any semblence of connection. Parents of teenagers often imply that they don't have to worry about attachment, or th...
Take the Opportunity
March 02, 2022 11:00 - 34 minutes - 23.5 MBIn this episode, Beka and Leah talk about the goals we have as parents, and how our response to our kids either align with those goals or not. If we can start to view our kids' behavior as an opportunity we have to teach them new skills, as opposed to think their behavior is bad, annoying, etc. we can respond differently and create improvements. There are lots of sports analogies in this one, illusatrating the importance of giving our kids chances to "shoot the free throw" in order to help ...
Unspoken Words
February 23, 2022 11:00 - 36 minutes - 25.1 MBThis episode has a whole lot of vulnerability as Leah and Beka demonstrate what it sounds like to unpack some of the subtle messages we receive as kids and start to figure out how we can resolve them to make us better parents. It's possible to believe you had a good childhood and want to do some things differently in your own relationship with your children. Both things can be true. In order to make decisions about what messages you want to keep and what you want to do differently, it requi...
Not My Responsibility
February 16, 2022 11:00 - 38 minutes - 26.5 MBOn this episode we talk about what is the responsibility of our kids, how we teach them accountability, empathy, respect, and kindness, while also making sure they understand that they are not responsible for the thoughts, feelings, or behaviors of another person. Beka and Leah talk through their own childhood experiences and the subtle messages that can create beliefs that their feelings and wants are not as important as other people's, and that other people always come before them. As pa...
Do The Work Every Day
February 09, 2022 11:00 - 39 minutes - 26.9 MBOn this episode Leah talks through a situation that happened within her family that illustrates some of the principles that guides this style of parenting. They talk through the difference between shame and guilt, and the importance as a parent to recognize when our responses to our kids can lead to shame, which is incredibly damaging to them. Much of the time, when we are incredibly angry with our kids or struggling to manage our own emotions, it is our own "stuff" coming up and about som...
Technology
February 02, 2022 10:00 - 1 hour - 42.1 MBNavigating technology and what guidelines to place on our children is one of the most challenging parts of being a parent! In this episode Beka and Leah talk through the different stats on the typical age kids are given a phone, how much time they spend on the phone, and how some parents choose to monitor (or not) their use. It's important parents understand different apps that are out there and how to monitor them - this might be a good place to start! Here's an idea for a family smartphon...
You Can't Fix Me
January 26, 2022 10:00 - 50 minutes - 34.5 MBFoster Care is such a crucial part of our system, to keep kids in a family setting when their family of origin is unable or unwilling to keep them safe at a certain point of time. It's also critical that the way kids in foster care are parented does not reinforce the negative beliefs they have about themselves, the world, and other people, which we talk about in more detail in this episode. The primary goal of foster care is to show kids that adults can be trusted, will be consistent, and fo...
We Are Not Okay
January 19, 2022 10:00 - 50 minutes - 34.8 MBThis episode is a little different and discusses the mental health needs we have as parents, our kids' mental health, and how we can best support ourselves and them, particularly as the pandemic continues to impact us. Leah discusses her experience with anxiety throughout the pandemic and Beka talks about feelings of depression she also struggled with. For many of us, as we navigate virtual learning with our kids, try to manage our work responsibilities, worry about our health, our kids' so...
What You Believe
January 12, 2022 10:00 - 50 minutes - 35 MBIn this episode, we continue our discussion about attachment, talking through the four different types: Secure, Insecure Avoidant, Insecure Anxious, and Disorganized. Our attachment pattern is with us for life, and influences how we parent our children. Attachment at its core is about safety, security, and trust, and Leah and Beka talk through how the different styles influence how we view other people and the world and what we believe about ourself! Our conversation moves in to how we sup...
Attachment
January 05, 2022 11:00 - 47 minutes - 32.9 MBIn this episode, we FINALLY talk about attachment, Leah's first love and truly what guides everything she does as a parent and a person. Attachment is a reciprocal relationship between people and begins to develop in utero and continues throughout childhood, but particularly in the first three years of life. As we respond to our babies in distress, we start to hardwire their thoughts and beliefs about themselves, other people, and the world around them. Over time, our responses to our bab...
Let's Get it Started
December 29, 2021 11:00 - 49 minutes - 33.9 MBIn this episode the sisters discuss one of the most common questions we have heard - how do I start this style of parenting? This approach is simple, it's not easy - and here are the steps Leah and Beka identify that can help start this process and make small, meaningful changes. Stop anything that uses fear to control behavior (threats, punishments, physical discipline) Fear cannot coexist with Safety and Connection - we want to choose safety and connection! Pay attention to yourself Wh...
No Means No
December 22, 2021 11:00 - 49 minutes - 34.2 MBThis episode talks through the difficult topic of sexual abuse of children; sharing some difficult statistics. To start to think about how to protect our kids and teach them that they are in control of their bodies and their level of comfort matters, Leah gives suggestions to start conversations about body autonomy. While "stranger danger" is commonly how parents talk to their children about safety, the data shows that most abuse is perpetrated by those in close relationships with children...
Tell the Truth
December 15, 2021 11:00 - 47 minutes - 32.5 MBAlmost all adults value honesty in our relationships but sometimes our discomfort makes us say dishonest things to our kids. Having conversations about adult topics is hard, including sex, race, gender norms, politics, etc. Leah talks through different ways to have some of these conversations in honest ways, while also taking into account children's age and developmental level. It's important that in our honesty we give our kids space to challenge our beliefs and values, while also influenci...
Another One
December 09, 2021 11:00 - 1 hour - 43.1 MBYou all asked so many great questions, we had to record a bonus episode to answer them all!! This episode covers questions like: How do you start? What do you do when your kids talk back? How do you handle family members who might not agree with your approach? What about those crying babies? Do you pick them up? We hope this has been helpful! As Leah mentioned, there are many books that might help give you more insight into this style of parenting. The Whole Brain Child, No Drama Disciplin...
Questions Answered
December 08, 2021 11:00 - 53 minutes - 36.5 MBYou asked, we answered! This Q&A episode covers lots of different topics, including letting your kids dress themselves, how to change a nighttime routine, timeouts, incentives/bribing, and so much more!! There were so many great questions we couldn't even get to them all, so hopefully this gives you some additional insight and help in navigating this new parenting style. Subscribe, rate, and review us on Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conv...
One More Thing I Wished I'd Said
December 01, 2021 11:00 - 53 minutes - 36.9 MBIn this episode, Leah finishes explaining Polyvagal Theory, and how the ladder helps us understand the state we and our kids are in - Safe and Connected, Fight or Flight, or Collapse/Shut down. The sisters talk about the importance of us staying in "Safe and Connected" so we can bring our kids with us, into the only state where they can actually hear us, listen to us, follow directions, and solve problems. We must pay attention to and insert cues of safety for our kids, such as tone of voice...
She Blinded Me With Science
November 24, 2021 11:00 - 47 minutes - 32.5 MBIn this episode Leah really nerds out on the neuroscience associated with this type of parenting - did you know we have more than 5 senses?! She discusses several different theories and research, including the science of interoception, Allan Schore's paper on regulation and attachment, and Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory. While this information may be difficult to take in and fully understand, it also supports many of the ideas and interventions associated with parenting our kids from thi...
Things You Can't Control
November 17, 2021 11:00 - 40 minutes - 28 MBIn this episode we talk more about examples provided in previous episodes, discussing the need for parents to "control" their kids, and a different way to view this goal through this new lens. The new goal becomes to help support, understand, and validate feelings to reach our goal. This work is hard, and if you try to do too much too soon, it can be overwhelming. Leah walks through small steps to begin this work and start to make small changes, really focusing on what are non-negotiables, a...
Mind Your Manners
November 10, 2021 11:00 - 36 minutes - 24.8 MBIn this episode we talk about all the controversial topics - apologies, sharing, and saying please and thank you! Not surprisingly, Leah does this a little differently and offers a different perspective of ways to actually teach our children how to empathize with others, be thankful, and learn how to engage with their friends in healthy ways. Ultimately, we're unable to control what our kids say, so we can use other methods to teach this, such as modeling and stepping in to do it for them. E...
Regulate
November 03, 2021 10:00 - 46 minutes - 32 MBIn this episode we discuss this powerful video of a dad coregulating his toddler through a tantrum, and how important coregulation is to help our kids to learn to self-regulate as they age. We discuss how mirror neurons impact our regulation and the development of our kids, and how negative behaviors change as kids age, and their brains develop - from the bottom up! Kids who are not processing emotions in a developmentally appropriate way may mean they haven't had the opportunity to learn ho...
Get Yourself Right
October 27, 2021 10:00 - 51 minutes - 35.4 MBIn this episode Leah talks through a real world example of this type of parenting and discipline in action. This leads into a discussion about power and control between kids and parents and the need for parents to do their own work to be able to manage their own regulation needs. Ultimately, we need to focus on our relationships with our kids, NOT their behavior! Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us ...
Say What You Need To Say
October 20, 2021 10:00 - 41 minutes - 28.6 MBIn this episode we cover: Whatever kids say is truth (to them) Don't get hung up on the power of their words All behavior is language All emotions are ok and should be validated As parents we want to be the ultimate safe space for our kids to bring all their emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. We want all of them! By validating their emotions and showing them that we are able to accept them just as they are, we teach them that our relationship and love is unconditional and is not depende...
Authority
October 13, 2021 10:00 - 56 minutes - 38.5 MBIn this episode we cover: A few listener questions Respect is Earned and Challenging Authority is ok Emotional development and regulation Flipping your lid - Dr. Dan Siegel H.A.L.T Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! We're planning a Q&A episode!! Send us your questions to [email protected]!! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or ...
Teach Your Children
October 06, 2021 10:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MBIn this episode we covered: 1. Discipline does not mean consequences 2. What about Spanking? 3. Kids Can't be Bad Submit questions to: info@parentaldevelopment Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram
If I Only Had a Brain
September 29, 2021 12:00 - 38 minutes - 26.6 MBIn this episode we covered: 1. Kids are complete people 2. Childhood Brain Development 3. Regulation/Dysregulation Submit questions to: info@parentaldevelopment Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram
We've Only Just Begun
September 26, 2021 22:00 - 17 minutes - 12 MBIn this episode we cover: 1. Who we are and how we got here 2. Basic understandings and the spirit of the podcast Topics/Information mentioned in the show: 1. Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson 2. Janet Lansbury Submit questions to: info@parentaldevelopment Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram Subscribe, rate, and review us on Podchaser, Apple, or wherever you listen to podcasts! Follow us on social media to join the conversation!!! Facebook Instagram