Rupture and Repair

As parents, we often beat ourselves up when we experience a rupture in our relationship with our children. This episode explores the idea that ruptures are inevitable and can even be healthy for relationships, because they give us opportunities for repair.

Attunement is one of the main goals in this type of parenting, and according to Dan Siegel, "when we attune with others we allow our own internal state to shift, to come to resonate with the inner world of another." Ruptures, or failing to attune to our kids, can be big or small in relationships, and cannot be avoided. It's important that we teach our kids that ruptures can be survived and how to do them appropriately.

It's important to differentiate repairs from 1. giving the silent treatment, 2. acting like nothing happened, 3. demanding an apology, or anything else. Repairs have to be directly related to the rupture that happened, and should involve an apology on our part, and a recognition that we have fallen out of attunement.

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