Triggered

This episode covers a listener question about how to stay calm and regulated when our kids trigger us, including trauma triggers.

It's first important to differentiate typical triggers that bother us as parents and those that are related to traumatic memories.  Typical behaviors that challenges us as parents include whining, hitting, throwing things, etc. and we talk through some ideas on how to address that behavior.

Trauma triggers are something different, and create a response in our nervous systems that makes it much harder to manage and respond appropriately.  Ultimately, a trauma response happens when your system and brain believe you are in danger, so safety and survival are the ONLY goals.  Sometimes this can lead to a flashback, which is not just a memory, but a re-experiencing of a traumatic experience. When this happens, any parenting is challenging, particularly this style of parenting that requires increased insight and regulation.

It is understandable and to be expected for parents to have to remove themselves from difficult situations whenever they are triggered. Some steps to help in these situations:
1. Leave the situation to regulate
2. Return and connect
3. Hold the boundary

A few extra tips to get regulated and activate your vagus nerve:
1. Gargling
2. Humming/Singing
3. Massage
4. Put cold water on your face
5. Deep, audible breathing

You can find more information about these activities here, here, or here.

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