Validation

There has been quite the dust up in the Gentle Parenting community over the last week, which triggered Leah enough that she needed to talk about it!

There seems to be a real misunderstanding of the meaning of the phrase "validating emotions." To validate simply means to ACCEPT. It doesn't mean all emotions are right, positive, feel good, etc.

At the same time, emotions are different than thoughts. While we always want to validate the emotion (I'm sad), we don't necessarily have to validate thoughts (no one likes me). Emotions aren't something we can control, but they also don't have to control us, and it's important that we help our children learn the difference. This is done through teaching though, NOT through minimizing, punishing, or dismissing emotions.

If you struggle to believe that emotions should be validated, ask yourself this question: Do you always validate happiness? Is happiness always true and right and good in your house?

If happiness becomes the only emotion you accept, validate, and allow, your kids will believe that is the only way they can stay in relationship with you and that people only want them around when they are happy, even if that's not how they are truly feeling.

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