Church of Lazlo Podcasts

Wednesday, 02.24.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 25, 2021 00:04 - 1 hour - 102 MB

We know more about the Tiger Woods accident but we're still confused about a few things. *A listener sends us screenshots from some scary emails he's been getting. Makes us want to cover up our webcams. *Doomscrolling! Ted Cruz wants us to start respecting each other. *Is it harder to quit drinking or facebook? *Lazlo just got rich with AMC stock. *It's Wednesday and that means....GET TO KNOW US! *Why are people so petty when their relationships end? *Julia can do anything you can do better. ...

Tuesday, 02.23.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 23, 2021 23:55 - 1 hour - 110 MB

Slimfast teaches us how to save a choking dog. *Does everyone have a "court stuit"? Does it still fit? *If someone is attracted to you, there's now a way to find out for sure without asking. *Doomscrolling! *Julia is worried that her boyfriend is gonna to sleep walk one night and hurt her. *Which one of us is most likely to be kidnapped? *Cam Newton has a lot more patience than the rest of us. *Guy wins $60k at the casino and later gets show in his hotel room by some would-be thieves. *A CNN ...

Monday, 02.22.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 23, 2021 00:12 - 1 hour - 106 MB

How was your weekend? Slimfast yelled at a girl scout and Lazlo says he did the right thing. *How do you try to figure out people's names you're supposed to already know? We have some tips! *Headlines! The storms in Texas are over but now come the insurance claims. Half a million Americans have died from COVID. Teachers need to learn how to mute their mics in Zoom meetings. *Angry guy yells at families for waiting in line at a food pantry. They arrested him. Good. *If you've seen the Cecil Ho...

Friday, 02.19.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 20, 2021 00:05 - 1 hour - 104 MB

Lazlo's excited about an album that came out today and somehow it turns into him making fun of Slimfast. *Science has come up with a list of the most hated bands of all time. Radiohead and Mumford are on this list, just to give you an idea. *Headlines! Ted Cruz still can't explain why he's so unlikeable, should companies be allowed to fire you for not getting vaccianted (yes), we try a new Tik Tok challenge, and a thingy landed on Mars. *What do men and women want to change most about their s...

Thursday, 02.18.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 19, 2021 00:14 - 1 hour - 100 MB

Heck of a show today! Texas doesn't have power so Ted Cruz is flying to Mexico for a little getaway. *Why do dogs sniff your crotch? We just found the answer. *It's 2021 and that means good parents do their parenting on Tik Tok. *Headlines! DUI prison parties, the face waxing challenge, and teachers donating kidneys! *We take a little test to figure out who was the poorest kid on this show. (It's Slimfast) *Gen Z is ripping millennials again and they're pretty good at it. *Lazlo still hates l...

Wednesday, 02.17.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 18, 2021 00:06 - 1 hour - 102 MB

It's Wednesday and we've all learned a lot about the Texas power grid this week. Also, Rush is dead. The radio guy, not the band. The band died after they put out Signals but that's just my opnion. *Turns out that a popular sex toy was originally used to clear acne and even fix crazy. Here's some other items with weird origins. *Headlines! We learn a lot about the royal family today, and we discover we've been very un-woke about breastfeeding. *It's already Wednesday and that means...GET TO K...

Monday, 02.16.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 17, 2021 00:00 - 1 hour - 97 MB

Sucking on a chili dog, sucking on a chil-i dog. Sucking on a chili dog, sucking ona chili dog. Oh yeah, sucking on a chili dog. Sucking on a chili dog, sucking on a chili dog. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Tuesday, 02.16.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 17, 2021 00:00 - 1 hour - 97 MB

Sucking on a chili dog, sucking on a chil-i dog. Sucking on a chili dog, sucking ona chili dog. Oh yeah, sucking on a chili dog. Sucking on a chili dog, sucking on a chili dog. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Friday, 02.12.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 13, 2021 00:16 - 1 hour - 98.4 MB

The last show before the long weekend and we think you folks are really gonna enjoy it. *Timberlake is crying a river on Insta and Lazlo ain't happy about it. *Make Teachers Old And Ugly Again! *Headlines/Doomscrolling! Did an MIT guy kill a Yale guy? Britney's dad got his day in court, conservationists want us to stop milking toads, and Slimfast came across a truly strange story that just can't be real. *A bunch of women have come together to tell men all the things they need to know about t...

Thursday, 02.11.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 11, 2021 23:40 - 1 hour - 87.8 MB

We are all over the place today. *The zoom cat lawyer is getting canceled. *Headlines! The CDC wants us to wear two masks, Borat 2 might win an oscar, and you gotta hear the story about the old man throwing dead animals on a grave. *Bruce Springsteen got a DUI and the story sounds fishy. *Here's the things people look for in a partner. They sound picky as hell. *What's your dream job? Lazlo and Slim's are weird and kind of creepy. *Slimfast wants to start an OnlyFans. *Lazlo got a sneak peek ...

Wednesday, 02.10.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 11, 2021 00:01 - 1 hour - 107 MB

We're back! Lazlo wasn't feeling good yesterday but the whole gang is here now. Lazlo got his new car delivered and it wouldn't start when he left for work today. *Julia tells you everything you need to know if you want to stalk an ex. *Doomscrolling! Trump's current impeachment moves forward, we update you on the Gorilla Glue lady, and a guy swallows his airpod and doesn't even realize it until he can't take a drink of water. *Mark Cuban wants to drop the national anthem before Mavericks gam...

Monday, 02.08.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 08, 2021 23:59 - 1 hour - 102 MB

Raise your hand if you aren't hungover today. Good to have everyone back. Time for a quick recap of the weekend and of course the game. *You ever been scammed? Why do scams seem so obvious when you're not the one being scammed? Lazlo has the answer. *Headlines! There was a football game yesterday, a guy tried to flirt with a judge but it didn't help his case, and how to spot when someone on Zoom is checking you out. *Julia has a business idea she came up with this weekend. Turns out everyone ...

Friday, 02.05.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 06, 2021 00:14 - 1 hour - 99.9 MB

It's Friday baby! Slimfast didn't invite Lazlo over to watch the game. Lazlo pretends to care. *How the hell do you make new friends when you're 30+? *Headlines! Marilyn Manson had a little visit from the police this week. America is divided and we all know it. But now we have to get our own pillows? *Slimfast is a Country Psychic!! *Nick Wright is back and he's giving Lazlo a $30k watch!! *Couples that watch TV together stay together. *Slimfast is scared to have a checkup but his doctor is h...

Thursday, 02.04.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 05, 2021 00:04 - 1 hour - 103 MB

We start the show off complaining about COVID and kids being out of school. *People are feeling frisky during lockdown. They're trying new things and even making love to their significant others! *Headlines! Good news about the vaccine! Chicken and waffles are worth a felony and jail time. *Julia has "tremors". We call her Shakes. Turns out her tremors have an origin story and it involves exploding houses! *Want to make money from home? Too timid to do porn online? Just take pictures of your ...

Wednesday, 02.03.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 04, 2021 00:03 - 1 hour - 88.6 MB

It's Wednesday! Yesterday, we mentioned that Tulsa is offering people $10k to move there. First, Mississippi would like you to consider their new offer. *Turns out Screech had a couple of dying wishes. Do you have a dying wish? Should you? *Headlines! Looks like grandma could be getting that vaccine soon. The first 23k people to show up at the game this year get free PPE!! *It's Wednesday and that means it's time to GET TO KNOW US!! *Another white celebrity screwed up his life by saying the ...

Tuesday, 02.02.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 02, 2021 17:45 - 1 hour - 106 MB

It's a thousand degrees in this studio and I'm getting angry about it so this is gonna be a quick description. I mean, why can't I have some control over the temp in here? I'm not asking them to keep is 65 in July. I'd just like to be comfortable. I'm drinking Gatorade like I'm an NBA player and I don't even stand up to work. Speaking of which, Lazlo got me hooked on that sugar free Gatorade and now I can't get enough of it. I drink it every night. Actually, I wonder if that's why my stomach ...

Monday, 02.01.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

February 01, 2021 18:15 - 1 hour - 101 MB

Welcome back! *Slimfast wants to be Lazlo's emergency contact. *Headlines! Don't buy silver! Or do. It's up to you. Dustin Diamond is dead and we can't process that. A former Q'Anon dude apologizes to Anderson Cooper for thinking he drank baby blood. Jerry Garcia High School! *This is where we talk about chins. What would you do if you lost your chin? Lazlo is gonna tell you what he thinks chinless people should do. It's something else. *Is it ever a good idea to get married? Lazlo says no an...

Friday, 01.29.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 30, 2021 12:30 - 1 hour - 83.9 MB

It's Friday and we all know what that means! Time to take your coporate sensitivity training! *We also discuss the future, talk Gamestonk with Nick Wright, and Slimfast is a Country Psychic! See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Thursday, 01.28.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 28, 2021 20:00 - 1 hour - 95.9 MB

*Did you get rich off any of this GameStop stuff? We didn't but Lazlo managed to make some coin off a hot tip from Slimfast. *What caused all of this day trading crazienss? Horny men. Seriously, that's what some people think. *Headlines! Joe Biden something something environment. The SEC might change the rules so that average people can't profit off the stock market like this again. If we told you "whites only" cemeteries were still a thing in the U.S., would you believe us? Those instant COV...

Thursday, 01.28.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 28, 2021 19:00 - 43 minutes - 40 MB

*Did you get rich off any of this GameStop stuff? We didn't but Lazlo managed to make some coin off a hot tip from Slimfast. *What caused all of this day trading crazienss? Horny men. Seriously, that's what some people think. *Headlines! Joe Biden something something environment. The SEC might change the rules so that average people can't profit off the stock market like this again. If we told you "whites only" cemeteries were still a thing in the U.S., would you believe us? Those instant COV...

Wednesday, 01.27.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 27, 2021 18:00 - 1 hour - 85.6 MB

Welcome to the podcast! It's Wednesday and we're ready to get started! *Julia broke into a house last night. Something about a dog and a salad but you'll just have to listen. Lazlo has to break into his own car all the time, except when his car is missing from his driveway. *Hostile Sexism vs Benevolent Sexism. Do you know the difference? Here's an easy way to remember, if you think you're being nice then it's probably benevolent and if you're being a jerk then it's hostile. *Headlines! Every...

Tuesday, 01.26.2021

January 26, 2021 21:30 - 1 hour - 94.1 MB

Someone got in trouble with the law last night...*Who do you hate for no good reason? *Forced Monkey Labor is the best headline you'll hear about all week. *Slimfast thinks multiple divorces is a sign of optimism but Lazlo disagrees. *Are you going to miss anything about COVID life? See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Monday, 01.25.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 25, 2021 20:15 - 1 hour - 96.3 MB

We're back! It's Monday and our key cards to get into the building still worked today! *KC and Tampa are the last two teams standing and Lazlo predicted it. *Sports can bring out the worst in people. Let's discuss the official list of things that make people act like a#*^oles. *Headlines! Let's play a game today. Did Slimfast read past the headline? *The text line is pointing out that Julia's voice sounds familiar. *Nick Wright is on the show and he's in a great mood....mostly. *Julia wants t...

Friday, 01.22.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 22, 2021 19:30 - 31 minutes - 29.2 MB

It's Friday and and everyone is in a great mood! We cover a lot of topics like sex robots, underground stripper parties, and stealing $1 million dollars from a single neighborhood grocery store. But an admission from someone on the show today left us all shocked and disorientated. How could a story about paperback books and a neighborhood stormwater drain deal such a mental grievous blow? Listen and find out. Have a great weekend and don't forget......Everybody Wang Chung! See omnystudio.com...

Friday, 01.22.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 22, 2021 19:30 - 31 minutes - 29.2 MB

It's Friday and and everyone is in a great mood! We cover a lot of topics like sex robots, underground stripper parties, and stealing $1 million dollars from a single neighborhood grocery store. But an admission from someone on the show today left us all shocked and disorientated. How could a story about paperback books and a neighborhood stormwater drain deal such a mental grievous blow? Listen and find out. Have a great weekend and don't forget......Everybody Wang Chung! See omnystudio.com...

Thursday, 01.21.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 21, 2021 19:30 - 1 hour - 84.3 MB

It's Thursday and I'm racing against the clock! My laptop is at 1% and if I don't get this posted before it dies then it'll be another hour before it goes up! *Kids are stupid. *Headlines are full of news! *Julia learns a few things about Lazlo. *Would you rather take relationship advice from someone who's been in one long-term relationship or someone who's been in fifty? *The lottery pact. *Lazlo thinks his neighbor is hot! *I think we made it...Everybody wang ch See omnystudio.com/listener...

Wednesday, 01.20.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 20, 2021 19:30 - 1 hour - 81.8 MB

Pls send feet pics. *It's Wednesday and Biden is officially POTUS! *We got our first letter from a Texas prison! This is a great sign! Oh, and Jeriney apparently responds to those letters. And dates their authors. *Headlines! Trump says he'll be back, Lil Wayne got a pardon, and the guy who purposely ruined 500+ doses of the COVID vaccine is in less trouble than a jaywalker. *Nick Wright is on the show! Time to recap last weekend's playoffs and preview the championship games coming up this we...

Tuesday, 01.19.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 19, 2021 18:15 - 1 hour - 76.8 MB

We're back and there's a new face at the bar! Say hello to Julia as she joins the show from her studio in Detroit. Speaking of Detroit, we're on in Detroit now! This means Slimfast can make jokes about Lazlo's mom and she will be able to hear it! This changes everything. Also, we break the news to Lazlo that his hero is (Ben Affleck) is having a bad week. *Everyone thinks about disappearing sometimes and starting over. What's your plan? *Headlines! DC is on lockdown and the military is kickin...

Friday, 01.15.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 15, 2021 18:45 - 1 hour - 82.6 MB

It's Friday! Do you know what that means?? That's right, it's the weekend. I always knew you were smart. You knew all your shapes and colors before any of the other kids in class. Anyway, do you get excited about the weekend or did that go away after high school? Well we're gonna tell you how to Make Your Weekends Great Again! (trademark pending) (or is it a copyright? whatever, it's pending) If you're still not excited, maybe it's time to talk to a doctor. We discuss that as well. *Headlines...

Thursday, 01.14.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 14, 2021 17:45 - 1 hour - 91.9 MB

People around the world are struggling because of the pandemic but Lazlo is doing great! He just bought a new car!! *Armie Hammer is having a hell of a week. *Headlines! Trump gave a speech from his office and he says he hates violence. We just doubled our vaccine supply! A business owner pulls a gun on someone for wearing a mask. *Sea shanties are all the rage on Tik Tok and Slimfast doesn't want to miss out. *Teachers are taping up kids, spraying kids with Lysol, and ranting about ANTIFA. A...

Wednesday, 01.13.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 13, 2021 18:15 - 1 hour - 77.8 MB

Welcome back! Grab a seat and get comfortable. We're talking about the Tiger Woods documentary on HBO. Did you watch it? *Why is Facebook such an angry and evil place? *Headlines! Trump;s getting impeached again, girl scout cookies are making somebody rich, Aaron Rodgers is gonna host Jeopardy, and a teacher it Florida is in trouble for spraying Lysol on her students. *The story of a fairy tale throuple. *Get to know us! We tell you are deepest and realest thoughts on life. *We don't always r...

Tuesday, 01.12.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 12, 2021 18:15 - 1 hour - 88.4 MB

It's Tuesday! Can you believe it? Just a few more days and some of you will be living that three-day-weekend life! Did you watch the College Football game? Me neither but Lazlo did. Does anyone know where we could buy a COVID vaccine? Like skip the line? *If someone asks you to tell your best story involving the cops, what's your go-to? *Headlines! Impeachment is nigh, corporations are ending their contributions to many republicans, and why is there a tank driving down the street? *You ever f...

Monday, 01.11.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 11, 2021 18:45 - 1 hour - 83.4 MB

You showed up! Whew. I'm always afraid you're gonna leave. How was your weekend? Did you leave the house? Just watch football? Perfect. *A Russian man fought (and killed) a wolf with his bare hands. *What do you do when your loved one says they want to "have a little work done"? *Headlines! Arnold is the leader we need, not that we deserve. Impeachement 2.0. Dozens of people have been charged since last week's riot. Trump's been banned from social media. COVID is kicking our ass. *Is Olive Ga...

Friday, 01.08.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 08, 2021 17:45 - 1 hour - 91.5 MB

*It's Friday! Slimfast is officially a dumb conspiracy theorist. *A man was so horny.. [How horny was he!?] He was so horny, he dug a tunnel from his house to his paramour's bedroom. Horny always wins. *Headlines! Police are still looking for suspects from the DC Riot. DNA leads investigators to the grave robber's home and they found skulls and other body parts. *A teacher in Kentucky is arrested for raping an 8th grade student. *Kids are more likely to learn about sex from watching porn than...

Thursday, 01.07.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 08, 2021 12:30 - 1 hour - 92.5 MB

*Lazlo thinks America is actually stronger today and he explains why. *Warning: This discussion may make some people feel old. We go over a list of movies, songs, and albums turning 20 this year. *Headlines! We recap Wednesday's riot at the capitol and then dicuss the media's reaction. *A man sues because Kings Hawaiian Rolls aren't made in Hawaii. *NFL tight end Travis Kelce says he could barely pay rent his rookie year because he was bad with money. What do you waste money on? *Slimfast dec...

Thursday, 01-07-2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 08, 2021 10:45 - 13 minutes - 12.5 MB

*On the show today.....Lazlo thinks America is actually in a better place now and he explains at the top of the show. *These songs, albums, and movies are all turning 20 this year. Warning, this segment may make some listeners feel old. *Headlines! What the hell happened yesterday. Slimfast gives you a full recap of the events in DC and then we discuss people's reactions. *A man sues King Hawaiian Rolls for not being made in Hawaii. *NFL tight end Travis Kelce said he could barely pay rent hi...

Wednesday, 01-06-2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 06, 2021 23:30 - 1 hour - 83.7 MB

Not America's best day. Let's hope tomorrow will be better. Stay positive kids. See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Tuesday, 01.05.2021- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

January 05, 2021 18:15 - 1 hour - 88.7 MB

Everyone is in a great mood today and happy to see each other. So have a seat at the bar and let's chat. *Slimfast is trying to buy used electronics for his gf's b-day present and Lazlo is advising against it. Also, has anyone noticed that there seems to be a certain influx of "bad people"? *All this talk about "bad people" got us talking about Facebook and how terrified we all are of it. *We realize that all have similiar New Year's resolutions. When you were young, what were you looking for...

Monday, 01.04.2020- The Church Of Lazlo Podcast

January 04, 2021 18:00 - 1 hour - 91.6 MB

*We're back and it feels sooooooooo good! How was everyone's break? Are we working on any new year's resolutions? *Lazlo convinced Slimfast to take out a loan (just like he did) to pay off Christmas debt. Now they're both spending moeny like Silkk the Shocker in 1998. *Did you watch anything good over the break? A bunch of cool movies were supposed to come out last year and they got pushed back to 2021. We've got a list of the ones we're most excited about. *Headlines!! A recording came out o...

Thursday, 12.17.2020- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

December 17, 2020 23:30 - 1 hour - 91.3 MB

*Only two more shows in 2020. Normally we would be totally checked out by now but I think we all forgot that we only have a couple days left. *Let's read some of your complaints. Oh, and let's just check to see which cities are sending the complaints. Oh. Oh dear. *Headlines! That stimulus money is so close I can almost taste it! Winter storms are slamming the northeast. Are we on in the northeast? Then let's move on. A cute kid from Austin is doing her part to make sure kids have a great Chr...

Wednesday, 12.16.2020- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

December 16, 2020 18:30 - 1 hour - 90 MB

Are you in a good mood? We're in a good mood today. The holidays are near and we all took are meds today. Of course, we have to start with Tom Cruise. We appreciate the guy's passion but would he yell at co-stars that way? Perhaps he would. I don't know the guy. We don't run in the same circles. *Hulu is doing a series about the Pam and Tommy sex tape from 1998. Apparently that sex tape is the reason Kim K is famous today. Just listen to the discussion. We'll explain. *Headlines! Another vac...

Tuesday, 12.15.2020- The Church of Lazlo Podcast

December 15, 2020 18:30 - 1 hour - 97.6 MB

"Dear Diary, it's been almost a week and I still can't get any of my podcast descriptions to upload. I will continue to try but alas, my optimism and patience are waning." Welcome to the podcast! A new study says people are sleeping a lot less during the pandemic. How can that be? All we do is sleep? Is there something wrong with us? *Houses of the future are here. We discuss an article about all the futuristic stuff people want in their homes. *Headlines! Biden said something today, Mitch sa...