EQ Gangster

#364: What Is The Opposite of Anxiety or Anxiousness? It's Not Relaxing!

What is the opposite of stress or anxiety?  I immediately thought it was being relaxed.  What are the consequences of telling someone that is feeling stressed or anxiousness to “just relax”?  The opposite of stress & anxiousness is actually mindfulness & presence.  How good are you at remaining present & mindful when you are feeling stressed & anxious?  How can you get better at that?  What are 1 or 2 things you can do to improve in this area?  What mindfulness tools or techniq...

#363: CEO, Author, Special Forces West Point Grad, Jason Van Camp on Leadership in Combat & With the NY Jets.

Here is the actual episode w/Jason Van Camp - Author of Deliberate Discomfort & CEO of Mission Six Zero. Here are some additional questions I asked Jason. I discuss some of the other questions in the previous episode.  When did you start developing your self-awareness?  How have you developed your humility?  What have you learned about leaders as the CEO of Mission Six Zero? What has been one of your most enjoyable clients to work with & why or most difficult & why? He shared: ...

#362: My Insights From Recent Interview With Author, CEO & West Point Grad, Jason Van Camp.

These are some of the lessons & insights I gleaned from my recent interview with West Point Special Forces Officer & Author of Deliberate Discomfort, Jason Van Camp. Here were some of the questions I asked him:  What was the toughest thing emotionally about West Point for you?  How did you grow as a leader from West Point to your conventional Army time?  What did you learn about yourself as a leader during your conventional time?  When did you start becoming self-aware as a leader?...

#361: Real Client Story, Applying Grace, Patience, Curiousity & Trust in a Valley

Here are 4 principles that I shared with a client that is going through a deep valley. GPCT 1.) Grace 2.) Patience 3.) Curiosity  4.) Trust Give yourself & others grace in the valley. Be patient w/yourself & others especially while in a valley. Be curious about your valley. What can you learn while in your valley? What are you supposed to learn in your valley?  Trust the refining & sharpening process of the valley.   If you’re ready to take your emotional growth to the ...

#360: Always Be Growing, Celebrity Story.

Kathy had an award-winning celebrity reach out to her on Instagram that was really struggling with a situation on the TV show she was a part of at the time.  Kathy & I were able to provide some encouragement & insights to her when she was really struggling.  It was a blessing that both Kathy & I are actively & daily working on ourselves so that we could really provide some relevant & timely thoughts & encouragement for the celebrity.  Some thoughts / questions to consider:  Everyone ...

#359 Conversation With Top 1% Consultant On Debilitating Anxiety

A very interesting conversation with a Top 1% Global Consultant of Fortune 50 companies. It was around some debilitating anxiety that she was experiencing.  Debilitating anxiety is a very real thing. There can be many different things to consider if you or someone you know is experiencing some like this. Pursue all avenues. I encourage you to validate & affirm their emotions even if you don’t agree with them or don’t understand the intensity or severity of their mental or emotional state...

#358: A Social Awareness Fail & Missed Opportunity With Clint At a Gas Station

This is a story about me meeting a super dude at a gas station while on a road trip. He’s a military veteran turned chef and then social worker. He really is wanting to step out & eventually pursue motivational speaking. We had a great conversation & he asked me some advice on what my process is for the speaking engagements that I do.  While I gave him some ideas on how he can develop his craft of speaking, I missed a specific opportunity to encourage him & uplift him in his pursuit. ...

#357: Who Brings What Out Of You? Lessons From Observing My Teen.

Fascinating observation for me watching my teen daughter interact with two of her close homies on 2 different days this week. She spent 1 day w/one of her homies & the next day she spent w/her other homie.  Our daughter acted a little differently w/each of her friends. I hadn’t really noticed some of those nuances before.    It made me think if or how I act w/the different people that I spend time with.    Who brings what out of you?    How do you behave differently with differ...

#356: How Have You Improved At Rolling With Life? Lessons From The Mat, Professor Chad.

It’s amazing how calm & confident one can be while rolling with any size, speed or strength opponent when you have been rolling & drilling BJJ consistently for 10+ years.    That’s how Professor Chad is w/all of his students. Some of us are bigger & stronger than he is, but none of us are as skilled as he is. He is calm, cool & collected w/all of his students b/c he has learned & evolved over his 10+  year BJJ career. He’s grown every single year. He’s continued to remain teachable. He’s...

#355: 2 Real Stories of Control Freaks. What Is Your Relationship With Control?

Two stories of control freaks & some corresponding lessons: 1 story of a control freak is from my business cult days & the 2nd story of a control freak is very current - fortunately I’m not on the direct receiving end of the 2nd control freak. I do have a front row seat to the damage & toxicity of his hyper control over his adult children & business partners.    What is your relationship w/control?    How much control do you attempt to have in your personal & professional relationshi...

#354: Helping Someone Get Emotionally Unstuck, Story of a 5 Yr Old On The BJJ Mats

This is a fascinating story of helping a 5 y/o little girl get emotionally unstuck while attending her first Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) class.    It was amazing how quickly she transformed once I was able to get her emotionally unstuck.    What happened to her happens to adults frequently.    How good are we at:  Getting ourselves unstuck Getting our family unstuck Getting our friends unstuck Getting our co-workers / team members unstuck   What can we do to be better at ...

#353: Two Big Failures & Boundaries Insights.

  This episode is about one of my recent failures.    I felt like I absolutely bombed Day 3 of the Boundaries Workshop that I just completed.    I got hit with a bunch of emotions literally about my lack of Boundaries for most of my life & I was unable to compartmentalize them until after the Boundaries workshop.    I brought those heavy intense emotions with me into the facilitation of the workshop. It was a terrible experience for me. It didn’t seem like I brought my A-Game t...

#352: 3 Important Questions Discussed With A 16 Yr Old Young Man.

EQG Ep 352 3 Important Questions Discussed With A 16 Yr Old Young Man   These 3 questions stemmed from a conversation with a 15 y/o teen from our church while serving on a missions trip in the Dominican Republic last year. We finally talked about them a year later.    Here they are:    How do you want your life to turn out?  What does an emotionally healthy, strong man look like?  What does a good father look like?      If you’re ready to take your emotional growth to the...

#351: Be Where You Are. Be Who You Are.

Wow, how present & in the moment am I?    This is definitely another area I’m sucking in.    After some reflection, I’ve realized how much of my thinking is either how I’m failing or how far away I am from my life goals or how much I’m not doing or not accomplishing. All that time is taking away from me being in the moment & achieving now, accomplishing now.    It’s hard to think about what needs to happen in the moment when so much of my bandwidth has been focused on the past or...

#350: I Thought I Would've Had Life Figured Out By Now

I got hit with some heavy emotions on the way to get my car serviced. Heavy emotions like feeling behind, incompetent, insecurity, clueless, ineffective. I thought I’d be so much further along in my faith, family, parenting, finances, fitness, business, etc.    It was encouraging to remember that I work w/high achievers & high performers who also have the exact same feelings.    Are there some of them that are actually further along than me in various areas of their lives? Absolutely...

#349: How Intentionally Do You Celebrate Your Failures? Lessons From The BJJ Mats

I got tapped 3 times today by a blue belt & it was awesome! More on that later.   There were 4 purple belts, 3 blue belts and 2 white belts in my 6am BJJ class. So there was quite a bit of experience in the class. We trained guillotine chokes which is like a front headlock. They’re very unpleasant & uncomfortable.   How well are we able to differentiate between discomfort and passing out or tapping out? Our instructor, Joe, a fellow purple belt, shared that upper belts have a greater...

#346: 6 EQ Exercises To Increase Your Self-Regard & Self-Confidence

Why does it seem like so many leaders have to increase & work on their EQ aspect of self-regard?    How do you grow your own self-regard and/or those around you that are struggling with self-regard?    There are 6 exercises I like to do w/executives & leaders to help them grow their self-regard:  Origin story Victory List / “David Journal” Strengths, traits, talents & qualities Challenges Trends Inner circle Daily list   If you’re ready to take your emotional growth to ...

#347: How Emotionally Agile Are You? How Can You Change Your Perspective?

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at begin to change.”    This is a story about a friend who recently got promoted to a senior level position that is more people focused. His whole career he has been in a technical role. He has been very uncomfortable with this transition from a technical to more people-centered role.    He reached out to get some tools & growth in this area so he can fulfill his role more effectively.    He initially was not happy w/...

#346: The Empathetic Executive Managing $1B & 2000 Employees, West Point Grad, Roxanne Bernstein

Roxanne is the executive vice president and president of ACCO Brands North America, a $1Bn segment of ACCO Brands. She has responsibility for 2,000 employees located in 10 offices and 5 manufacturing facilities across the US, Canada, and throughout Asia.    She attended the United States Military Academy at West Point, New York, where she earned a bachelor’s degree in Engineering and secured 7 academy records on the Army’s track and field team.    In 2000 she earned her MBA, with hon...

#345: The Follow Up To Failure After Choking On Day 3 of the Boundaries Workshop

This is a follow-up of feeling like I completely bombed Day 3 of my recent free Boundaries Workshop.    The quick recap of that experience was I got hit w/a bunch of unpleasant emotions just before starting the presentation. I can normally compartmentalize my various emotional “spikes” but this time I wasn’t able to.   Kari, who is an EQ Mafia member & attended the Boundaries workshop, shared that me, as the presenter, doesn’t determine the value that the audience got from the worksh...

#344: On Humility With Advisor To Billionaire  Company Senior Executives, Bob McCoole

Bob McCoole is the Founder & Principal at McCoole, LLC - A Consulting Firm. Bob was the CEO of an $800 Million Construction company for 10 years. Then he was the Senior VP for a multibillion dollar healthcare company & for the past 25 years he has served as a board member and advisor for Senior Executives of a multibillion dollar international company.   Bob shares many insights about his take on leadership from his own personal experience & from observing & advising leaders for the past...

#343: Deliberate Discomfort. Lessons From The BJJ Mats

This episode is about another fellow Purple Belt who oddly enough has claustrophobia.    He asked me to roll two times in a row for 5 - 6 min each roll just so he could practice getting smashed by me. My BJJ game is adding a lot of pressure to people when I’m in a dominant position. It’s very uncomfortable. He literally asked for it. He knew what he was getting into.    What can you learn about pursuing deliberate discomfort?  What can you learn about yourself about pursuing delibe...

#342: Life Lessons from the BJJ Mats, Senior USAF Leader, Purple Belt Joe

This episode comes from a great conversation I had with a fellow BJJ Purple Belt and and Active Duty Air Force Senior Enlisted Leader.    He has an amazing mindset & shared some really impactful points w/me after our rolls on the mat.    The reason he shared BJJ was he was getting complacent from doing so well in the military, he wanted to another challenge. He wanted to fail again.    The 2nd reason he started BJJ was because he got sick & tired of beating himself up & he though...

#341: The Real Business Impact of Cultural Intelligence, DEI & Political Correctness with Csaba, Founder of ICQ Global

You do NOT want to miss this episode. Csaba (“Chahbah”) shares some amazing insights about leadership, personal development, failure, tension, conflict, DEI & political correctness.    Csaba is a British/Hungarian entrepreneur, author, speaker and executive coach based in the UK. He is the founder of ICQ Global, a people development organization with over 200 licensed partners in 45 countries.   Csaba is the developer of the multi award-winning Global DISC and GROWTH Zone models an...

#340: How Is Your Childhood Affecting You and To What Extent Is It Affecting You?

One of the biggest insights I’ve gleaned from the hundreds of leaders I’ve coached over the past 20 years exhibit behaviors as an adult as a direct result of their childhood.   So the question is not “Is my childhood affecting me?”    The questions are:  1.) How is my childhood affecting me?  2.) To what extent is my childhood affecting me?    One of the leaders I’m coaching right now is 20+ years into his career & is in a very bad spot in his personal life. The current chall...

#339: How Are Breathing & Staying Calm Related? Lessons From the BJJ Mats.

I was able to breathe through my nose through every single BJJ roll tonight except for 1 roll.    The “White Belt Spazz” syndrome on the BJJ mats leads them to almost hyperventilate. The more intensely they breathe & the more out of control their breathing, the less clearly they think & the closer they get to completely losing cognitive control. This inevitably leads them to a full-blown panic response. As we get stressed or anxious, the quicker our breathing.  How intentional are yo...

#338 Everyone Has a Story. Teacher Shares Very Challenging Environment_1

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#337: What I Learned About EQ From a Hunter

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#336: Another Recent Failure & Consistent Trigger of Feeling Overwhelmed

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#335: Simplify The Struggle (A BJJ & Life Lesson).mp3

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#334 How Controlling Are You_ What Is Your Relationship With Control__1

#333: How Vulnerable Should You Be? A Vulnerability Audit

#332: A Culture Audit & The Intersection of Culture & EQ

#331: Are Emotions That Important? How Are They Controlling You?

#330: How Do You Deal With Disappointment?

#329: What Is The Relationship Between Storytelling & EQ From TV Host, Haddie Djemal

LinkedIn.com/in/HaddieDjemal IG: @HaddieTheHost Twitter: @HaddieTheHost   Haddie Djemal is a seasoned on-air personality with over a decade of experience. Her career boasts a wide range of assignments, from hosting live, high-profile events in front of thousands, to entertaining national audiences.    Haddie first established her television presence throughout the south Texas region as a host and producer for the lifestyle show Daytime at Nine. Her engaging, upbeat, and quirky pers...

#328: What Role Does Surrendering Play In Your Growth-

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#327: What Is The Relationship Between Confidence & Self-Awareness-

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#326: Relationship Between Ego, EQ & Learning & How You Respond In High Ego Environments

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#325: Never Miss An Opportunity To Connect With Someone

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#324: Real Life EQ Exercise About 2 Massive Business Opportunities. 46 Emotions & 18 Questions.

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#323: Deliberate Discomfort

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#322: Your Vibe Attracts Your Tribe. How Do You Affect Those Around You?

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#321: Celebrating My Failures & Others Successes. An Ego Check Exercise

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#320: Huge Personal Epiphany On My Unworthiness, Self-Hatred, Self-Sabotage & Performance Based Relationship

Anyone else struggle with any of this?    I grew up Catholic. There are a lot of activities & tasks that are encouraged in the Catholic Church.    Then, I had multiple grandparents that would “talk trash” to my mom that not only negatively affected my mom, but also trickled down to me. I didn’t understand it at the time, but I knew it felt weird to hear my mom share some of her personal struggles w/me. I also witnessed it personally. It felt uncomfortable. It didn’t feel right, but I...

#319: A Personal Experience With Road Rage & Emotional Intelligence

A guy flipped me off.   And then I got pissed.   And we don’t even know each other.   And I had done nothing wrong.    I went through a series of emotions…in the span of seconds.    And eventually felt sad…for whatever that other guy was going through that he acted purely out of emotion & cussed me out & flipped me off.    Have you ever had road rage?    Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone w/road rage?    Lots of emotions are typically involved…...

EP 318: Turn Your Frown Upside Down, Personal BJJ Open Mat

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#317: What Is The Relationship Between Feeling In Control & Your Stress Levels? A BJJ Story

What is the connection between how in control you feel and how much stress & anxiety you experience?    My hypothesis is that the less control we feel we’re in, our stress & anxiety can tend to increase.   One of my Brazilian Jiu Jitsu training partners, Vince, challenged me to try different moves because I might be too much in a comfort zone based on the few moves I do.    I felt the control slipping from my grasp, as I knew he was right.    What areas of your life do you tr...

#316: The Emotional Journey of This Marine In The Loss of His Soldiers & Children, Speaker Dimyas Perdue

Dimyas’ bio: Lead of TalentSmartEQ’s military vertical, 22 years of training and leadership experience. Retired United States Marine. Served as the Senior Enlisted Advisor for the Lejeune Leadership Institute through Marine Corps University. Dimyas has expertise in communication, recruiting, ethical decision-making, and resilience. BJJ Brown Belt.   Dimyas shares a very personal & transparent journey of how he became the tremendous leader he is today.   Website talentsmarteq.com ...

#315: Consequences of Unaddressed Emotional Injuries From a BJJ Tng Partner

Convicting story from a BJJ friend of mine who was literally run over by a semi truck & the corresponding physical, mental & emotional consequences of that traumatic experience.   It really demonstrates the importance of us to go back through each phase of our life & conduct an “emotional injuries audit” to make sure that we work through conscious & even subconscious emotional injuries that may still be negatively affecting us   If you’re ready to take your emotional growth to the ne...