Heal from Infidelity
147 episodes - English - Latest episode: 1 day ago -Heal from Infidelity is a podcast dedicated to teaching women how to heal their lives from the inside out after betrayal in their marriages. Life Coach Andrea Giles combines her own personal experience and coaching wisdom to help women move past their biggest hurdles of learning to trust themselves (and others) again. She will teach you how to create a life you never dreamed possible. You’ll be amazed at what you are capable of when you learn how to powerfully help yourself. For more information, visit andreagiles.com.
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Episodes
Validation Dependency | Ep #96
August 12, 2022 09:00 - 19 minutes - 14 MBValidation is something we all enjoy as humans. We want to feel connected, heard, and seen. For many of us though, especially if we were shot down a lot as kids, we grow into validation dependence and have difficulty functioning if someone is not constantly telling us how great or right we are. In this episode, you’ll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy validation, how to spot it in yourself and your partner, and how to strengthen your own sense of self so you won’t be as ...
Intimacy After Infidelity with Amanda Louder | Ep #95
July 29, 2022 09:00 - 39 minutes - 27.9 MBSome questions that come up a lot with clients is, “What about sex after finding out? Is it bad to be intimate? What if I don’t want to? What if I do?” To answer these questions, I interviewed sex coach Amanda Louder. Amanda Louder is a Certified Life Coach who helps women from conservative Christian backgrounds love their sex life. She helps women embrace their sexuality to help them strengthen their relationship with themselves, their spouse, and God. In addition to being a coach, Aman...
Letting Go | Ep #94
July 15, 2022 11:21 - 21 minutes - 15.3 MBA question I get asked regularly is about letting go - how to let go of the pain and hurt of infidelity. In this episode, I will cover things we hold on to, why we hold onto them, and how to let them go. You’ll learn how your brain is trying to protect you from future harm and what to do to quiet it down. Infidelity can be trauma-inducing, and the more you understand the ways this shows up for you, the easier it will be to heal. Interested in joining the August group of Know in 90? Com...
Releasing Shame | Ep #93
July 01, 2022 09:00 - 32 minutes - 22.8 MBShame. An emotion we all feel but no one wants to talk about. It’s heavy, all-consuming, and keeps us isolated and stuck. This episode is all about letting go of shame. First, you’ll learn about the origins of shame and how it often pretends to be useful. You’ll learn how shame sabotages our efforts to heal and doesn't allow us to see things as they really are. Want to know what the cure is to shame? Give this episode a listen and you’ll have real steps to take to manage the shame of you...
While You Are Waiting (On Him) | Ep #92
June 17, 2022 09:00 - 16 minutes - 11.5 MBIn the aftermath of infidelity, there can be a period where you wait and watch. Sometimes there is waiting to see how much initiative our partners take, and sometimes we are just waiting to feel calmer before we make big decisions. Either way, there are things you can do to help settle your mind during this space. In this episode, you’ll learn four things you can do during this time to help keep your mind focused on why you are waiting and what you are waiting for. Please click the b...
Stories of Hope | Ep #91
June 03, 2022 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.3 MBDo you ever wonder if you can ever really truly move forward from the darkness you are feeling? A question I get a lot is, “Can I really do this?” and “Will I ever feel normal again?” Yes, my friend. I promise. In this episode, you’ll hear the stories of four past clients of mine who have moved forward and are thriving. Some stayed in the marriage, some did not. But all are happy and doing well. There is hope, and they all did some things that ensured that they were moving forward fr...
The Comparison Trap | Ep #90
May 27, 2022 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.4 MBOne thing I hear all the time from my clients is that they struggle with comparing themselves to their spouse's affair partner. It can get to the point where they can’t be in public with their spouse because they worry so much about what the spouse may be thinking about other women they see. It can be crippling. In this episode, you’ll learn why we compare, and how you can help yourself navigate it. Even though comparing is a very natural thing to do, you’ll come away with tips to help you...
The “Polite” Marriage | Ep #89
May 20, 2022 09:00 - 21 minutes - 15.2 MBHave you ever looked at a couple and thought, “They look so happy and in love,” only to find out that they had major problems and were going through divorce? It is likely that couple was engaged in a “polite” marriage. They may check all the boxes and genuinely look very happy together. They may show each other public affection and seem fond of each other. But there are likely issues underneath. In this episode I go through two different kinds of “polite” marriages and share the differen...
Am I Settling? | Ep #88
May 13, 2022 09:00 - 17 minutes - 12.5 MBDo you wonder if you are settling in your relationship? Do you feel shame and guilt when you think about it? In this episode, I clear up what it means to settle and help you drop any negative feelings around the idea. In real examples, you’ll be able to recognize if you have some things to shake up or if your job is to just keep going exactly as you are and keep trusting the process. Rather than looking for outward signs of settling, you’ll learn what it feels like inside of you, and h...
Lying and Mind Masking | Ep #87
May 06, 2022 09:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MBDo you ever cover up how you feel and what you are thinking? This is called mind masking, and we all do it. In this episode, we’ll dive in to why we all lie, either my commission or omission. But some lies can be more blatant, deliberate and harmful than others. As deceit is a part of infidelity, understanding it is important. You’ll also learn areas you may not be being completely honest in. Lastly, you’ll learn how to spot lying and what to do about it. Please click the button to sub...
Receiving Love | Ep #86
April 29, 2022 09:00 - 18 minutes - 13.5 MBFor many of us it is easy to give, but harder to receive. Why is this? In this week’s episode you’ll get an inside look into your brain and why you resist love and other good things. Hint: It is because of your thoughts about you, thoughts about others, or beliefs of how the world works. Want to know how to become more open to love? And how it is hurting you not to be open to it? Make sure to give this episode a listen. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episode...
Reclaiming Your Life After Loss with Ashlee Boyson | Ep #85
April 22, 2022 09:00 - 49 minutes - 34.4 MBIn this episode, I interview special guest Ashlee Boyson. Ashlee Boyson is the author of the blog and book series titled “The Moments We Stand,” in which she shares her family's journey of healing after the infidelity and murder of her husband Emmett in 2011, just months after giving birth to their fifth baby. Ashlee has been given the unique experience of sharing Emmett’s story on Dateline, Dr. Phil, American Monster, Investigation Discovery, True Crime Daily, and several other murder m...
The Messy Middle | Ep #84
April 15, 2022 09:00 - 25 minutes - 17.8 MBDo you ever get frustrated that you are not further along than you think you should be? Do you have moments where you feel like you are back at square one? While this is all normal, in this episode I will teach you about “the messy middle,” the space between where you are and where you are going. This space can feel very uncomfortable, frustrating, and like you are taking a step backwards. Listen to understand the crucial steps to moving from the messy middle to the other side where you ...
Runaway Thoughts | Ep #83
April 08, 2022 09:00 - 20 minutes - 14.6 MBDo you have thoughts that you can’t seem to keep at bay? You are just going about your day, and something comes to mind that you can’t stop thinking about? Then you need to go ask, or go look at phones, emails and messages on a frantic search for answers. Sound familiar? Although this is very common, it can be a setback to healing and moving forward. In this episode you will learn the difference between helpful things to watch out for and ones that will lead you nowhere. You will also know...
Mental Strength | Ep #82
April 01, 2022 09:00 - 33 minutes - 23.3 MBAs common as hearing about mental strength may be, we don’t often hear about it in reference to infidelity. We talk a lot about feelings, healing, forgiveness, and moving on. But where does mental strength come in? Developing mental toughness is everything when it comes to infidelity. When we get hurt, our brains want to keep us safe from future pain by giving us all the warnings of any real or perceived danger. After experiencing infidelity, it can become difficult to get out of thought l...
Developing Friendships After Infidelity with Jewel Hohman | Ep #81
March 25, 2022 09:00 - 40 minutes - 28.5 MBIn the aftermath of infidelity, relationships often change. While there are many reasons for this, it can be painful and lonely. We are all wired for connection - we seek and crave it, yet it can seem harder than ever to make solid friendships. In this episode, I interview guest Jewel Hohman about the importance of friendship and some practical ways of developing new relationships that last. Jewel Hohman is a friendship expert and a professionally certified coach. She helps people stop o...
Self-confronting | Ep #80
March 18, 2022 10:45 - 18 minutes - 13.2 MBIt is human nature to see faults in others, and much more difficult to see it in ourselves. In this episode, I’ll teach you why self-confrontation is an essential ingredient to growth, intimacy and healing. We can ask others to tell us what we want to hear, but it does not promote real growth. Self-confrontation allows us to see ourselves as we really are rather than what we want to see. Even though it can be painful, it allows us to expand into fuller, more mature versions of ourselves....
Self-soothing | Ep #79
March 11, 2022 10:54 - 23 minutes - 16.9 MBTo show up as our best selves in any relationship, we must know how to calm ourselves down when emotions become overwhelming. Many of us have been taught that it is the responsibility of our partner to help calm us when in reality, it is our own. In this episode, we’ll go in deep as to why learning how to self-soothe ultimately is the greatest gift you can give yourself as you navigate infidelity or any other challenge. When we don’t give someone else responsibility for how we feel, we get...
High Desire/ Low Desire | Ep #78
March 04, 2022 10:00 - 21 minutes - 15 MBIn every relationship there will be issues that one of you will care more about than the other. This is normal. Where we get ourselves in trouble is when we get into marital gridlock and stay in it. In this episode, I will cover various ways high desire/ low desire shows up in marriage and other relationships and why we respond the way we do to our loved ones. When we understand our reactions better, we are better able to decide how we want to show up and stand up for the things that matte...
Holding Onto Yourself | Ep #77
February 25, 2022 10:00 - 32 minutes - 22.6 MBDo you have moments (or days, or weeks) where you feel small, invisible and not at all like “yourself?” As flawed humans, it can be very easy to lose ourselves when faced with conflict yet learning the art of holding onto ourselves is what will help us move forward the most. In this episode, you’ll learn what it means to hold on to yourself and why this is a game-changer for healing relationships. Instead of deferring to your spouse to let you know who you are and if you are okay, you’ll l...
Sliding Door Moments | Ep #76
February 18, 2022 10:00 - 24 minutes - 17.5 MBEvery relationship has moments in time that make all the difference in which way the relationship goes. We either show up for ourselves or we don’t. We show up for our spouse or we don’t, and the consequences can be monumental. In this episode, you’ll learn about “Sliding Door Moments” and how these small snippets in time often determine the direction of our lives. Once we can identify what those moments are (the ones where we self-betray and the ones where either we don’t show up the way ...
How to Know You Are Healing | Ep #75
February 11, 2022 10:00 - 24 minutes - 17.2 MBOn the healing journey following infidelity, it can feel like you are not making any progress at all. It can be discouraging, overwhelming and downright depressing at times. So how do you know if you are progressing? Unlike other goals we make like losing pounds, earning a certain amount of money, etc. the healing process is less straight-forward to measure. In this episode, you’ll learn 3 ways to check in with yourself and measure your growth. You’ll be able to identify areas where you ha...
January Announcement
January 07, 2022 11:42 - 3 minutes - 2.75 MBBe sure to listen to this announcement as Andrea will be sharing some upcoming changes that will interrupt the show temporarily. Please click the button to subscribe so you don't miss any episodes and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! For transcripts and other available downloads, please visit our website at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2022 Andrea Giles
Trust After Betrayal with Melissa Snow | Ep #74
December 31, 2021 10:00 - 29 minutes - 21.1 MBIn this episode, Andrea is a guest on the “Love Starts Here” podcast with life coach Melissa Snow. This episode covers the tough topics of how to trust again and whether or not it is a wise decision to do so, and the importance of building up trust in yourself first before deciding to trust someone else. We also discuss Andrea’s #1 tip for how to decide to stay or leave so you can make that decision without second guessing yourself. Melissa Snow is a Certified Life Coach who helps wome...
Co-Parenting with Mikki Gardner | Ep #73
December 24, 2021 10:00 - 29 minutes - 20.6 MBIn this episode, Andrea is interviewed by Life Coach Mikki Gardner about how to put emotion aside and show up as the kind of parent you want to be after infidelity. This will be useful wherever you are on your journey. When emotions are running high, it can be very difficult to think clearly, especially when it comes to parenting our children. You want what is best for them, but we also may be in “survival mode,” not really seeing the big picture. This episode will help you navigate the ...
Gratitude, Pain and a Baby | Ep #72
December 17, 2021 10:00 - 19 minutes - 13.6 MBA few themes of this podcast are that we always have choices even when we feel we don’t, that the hardships we experience can catapult us towards our greatest growth, and that we can create the future we want. In this episode, Andrea gets personal with her recent experience of welcoming a new baby girl into the world and how it has enforced in her mind that things are always working in our favor. As difficult as infidelity and betrayal can feel, Andrea reminds her listeners that they have ...
Untangling with Aimeé Gianni | Ep #71
December 10, 2021 10:00 - 39 minutes - 27.7 MBDoes your relationship ever feel so tangled up with your spouse that you don’t know what thoughts and feelings are his and which are yours? In this episode, I interview guest therapist and Master coach Aimeé Gianni about what untangling is, how to spot it, and how to untangle. Most of us were raised to believe that we are responsible for the feelings of others. “Did you hurt their feelings?” is a question we were probably all asked. The problem this creates is that we can end up spending m...
Wisdom from the One Who Strayed with Elisa Fucci | Ep #70
December 03, 2021 10:00 - 37 minutes - 26.5 MBHave you wondered why your spouse strayed and if your marriage can ever be good again? You don’t want to miss this episode. Show guest Elisa Fucci shares, with transparency and honesty, her experience with infidelity and how her marriage is now better than it ever was before. She shares why she strayed and how she had to go through the difficult work of understanding herself and why she was prone to getting attention outside the marriage. For those of you who want to stay, but wonder if ...
Differentiation | Ep #69
November 26, 2021 10:00 - 26 minutes - 18.8 MBWhat kind of home did you grow up in? Were you allowed to speak your mind, be your own person and choose how you wanted to spend your time? How you related to your family as a child largely affects what kind of adult relationships you have. In this episode, I’ll be talking about a concept called differentiation which is all about our ability to keep hold of our own thoughts and feelings around those we care about without getting sucked into their thoughts and feelings and making them our o...
Effective Communication | Ep #68
November 19, 2021 10:00 - 23 minutes - 16.5 MBClear, open communication can be a hard skill to learn for anyone, but can be especially difficult for someone who has felt betrayed by their spouse. Yet it is a vital skill to learn, regardless of if you choose to stay married or not. In this episode, we’ll go into detail about why it can feel so unsafe to communicate with your partner, and how to help yourself feel safer. We’ll also discuss ways to enter the conversation, and when to shut it down. You’ll learn how to be a better advoca...
Accountability and Responsibility | Ep #67
November 12, 2021 10:00 - 26 minutes - 18.9 MBHow do we know if our spouse is taking responsibility for their infidelity? How do we know if we are really moving forward or just doing the same things we have always done? How long do we wait for something to happen before we make something happen ourselves? These are questions I hear a lot, and ones that are important to answer. Part of re-building trust after infidelity is knowing that our partner is not only being transparent with the facts, but also holding themselves accountable for...
Avoiding Mistakes | Ep #66
November 05, 2021 13:05 - 22 minutes - 15.8 MBWhat if making mistakes is not a problem? What if the real problem is what we make those mistakes mean, or what others make them mean that we then internalize? In this episode, I’ll uncover a few of the reasons we are so afraid to make mistakes, and how we can build our own tolerance and resilience to the things we judge ourselves for. When we understand the difference between using mistakes as weapons to punish ourselves with and as tools to help us grow, we can open up to taking risks, s...
Why We Are Afraid to Want | Ep #65
October 29, 2021 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.6 MBIn this episode, I’ll uncover why it feels safer to avoid wanting, and teach you what avoiding this question is costing you. You’ll come away with some strategies to use to tap into your own desires and wants, along with a strong reason “why” for pursuing the answer to that question. Please click the like button above and leave a review if your favorite podcast app has that ability. Thank you! More information at https://andreagiles.com/podcast/ © 2021 Andrea Giles
Dating After Divorce with Sade Curry | Ep #64
October 22, 2021 09:00 - 51 minutes - 35.6 MBAlthough many of my clients choose to stay with their spouses after infidelity, many decide to leave their marriages. Over time, some of them decide they want to start dating again. There is much fear, trepidation, and often self-doubt that can surface. In this episode, I am interviewed by fellow coach and dating after divorce expert, Sade Curry. I share my personal story of dating my current husband and some of the challenges I dealt with. To be sure, dating can be an opportunity to see...
Choices | Ep #63
October 15, 2021 09:00 - 26 minutes - 18.4 MBWhen life as we know it is turned upside down, it becomes very easy to believe we are alone, powerless, and a victim to what has been handed us. While we have been the victim of the deception of another, we tend to forget that in all things, no matter what, we still have choices. In this episode I will share through powerful analogies how we can use our own strength and wisdom to harness the power of the brain. When we learn how to manage our own brain, we take control back in our lives an...
Love or Attachment? | Ep #62
October 08, 2021 09:00 - 22 minutes - 15.7 MBIs it love or attachment? Many of my clients want to stay in their relationships because they can’t imagine life without the other. Or their spouse says they want to stay married but my clients don’t feel safe or loved by their spouse. This can lead to a lot of confusion for everyone involved. If you wonder if you are truly in love with your spouse or just the idea of him, this episode is for you. Or if you wonder if your spouse is attached to the idea of you or of being married, but may n...
What About the Kids? | Ep #61
October 01, 2021 09:00 - 26 minutes - 18.6 MBAs parents, we naturally want to protect our children from hurt and pain. We want them to be happy and thriving, right? So when we are trying to make decisions like if we should stay married or not, or feel the pain of sending them to another parent’s home, or deciding how much information to share with them, it can feel very uncomfortable. In this episode, I will shed some light on new ways to think about your children. You’ll hear client experiences, my own experience, and some perspecti...
How to Ask Good Questions | Ep #60
September 24, 2021 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.9 MBDo you know how to question your own brain? Do you challenge your own thoughts? Some of us are pros at challenging others’ beliefs but struggle to challenge our own. Learning to ask your own brain good questions is a skill that will serve you for the rest of your life. Rather than taking your thoughts at face value, a good question encourages digging deeper. This is where the truth comes out about what we are making things mean and how we are holding ourselves back. We can only change th...
Grief | Ep #59
September 17, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 22.8 MBGrief. It’s an emotion we all experience as part of life. If we form attachments to anything, we risk feeling grief if we lose the thing we are attached to. Regardless if you choose to stay married or not following infidelity, grief is something that has to be processed to be able to move forward with life. In this episode, you’ll learn various stages you may be in with grief, what to look out for, and how to move forward. You’ll learn how grief can pretend to be other emotions, and why ...
Self-compassion | Ep #58
September 10, 2021 11:21 - 22 minutes - 16 MBAre you good at showing compassion to others? How do you feel when someone else is suffering? For many of us, compassion for others comes naturally. But when it comes to self-compassion, it can be much harder. Why is this? In this episode you’ll gain an understanding about why self-compassion can feel scary and threatening. When we really understand something, it becomes easier to see our own behaviors and learn how to navigate our own painful experiences and emotions. Self-compassion ca...
Wants and Needs | Ep #57
September 03, 2021 09:00 - 25 minutes - 18.2 MBMost of us have been taught that we should decide what we want and need out of relationships, communicate those things to our partners, and expect them to come through for us. Unfortunately, this sets us up for a whole lot of disappointment. In this episode, I’ll be going over the difference between wants and needs, and how to get those met. Instead of waiting for someone to take care of us, you’ll learn how to advocate for what you want without handing that responsibility over to someone ...
Closure | Ep #56
August 27, 2021 09:00 - 17 minutes - 12.8 MBSomething I often hear from clients is that they just want closure. They want to hear the apology. Know why it happened. Be free from all of it so they can move forward. Sounds good, right? We all want certainty, and we believe it would feel good to wrap up this messy, difficult time in our lives with a bow and put it behind us forever, whether we stay married or not. The problem with this is we often give the responsibility of this to someone else, thinking that if they just acknowledge...
The Cost of Indecision | Ep #55
August 20, 2021 09:00 - 30 minutes - 21.3 MBCan you think of a decision you are putting off? Most of us aren’t very good at making decisions. We get in our own way by second-guessing ourselves, doubting our ability to decide, and worry about getting it wrong. In this episode we’ll be diving in to why we drag out decision making, and look at how much it is costing you to put it off. There are many seemingly good reasons we put decisions off, but it always comes at a price to ourselves. You’ll also learn about how to make decisions ...
Influence vs. Control | Ep #54
August 13, 2021 09:00 - 22 minutes - 15.7 MBWe all like to know how things will turn out. Our brains crave certainty, and because of this we often believe that if we can control things, we can dictate how they will turn out. But there is a better way, especially when it comes to trying to control other people. We can influence others by how we show up around them, and it is far more powerful (and likely to get us the results we actually want) than trying to control them. In this episode, we’ll talk about the difference (sometimes ...
Understanding Infidelity with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife | Ep #53
August 06, 2021 09:00 - 48 minutes - 33.7 MBThis week I am joined by Jennifer Finlayson-Fife to discuss the intricacies of infidelity. There are many misconceptions surrounding infidelity, and those misconceptions can keep you stuck. In this episode, we take a closer look at how infidelity can be the catalyst for growth in both parties, why people engage in infidelity, and how to recover from it. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach as well as a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor in the state ...
When to Leave a Marriage | Ep #52
July 30, 2021 09:00 - 25 minutes - 18.1 MBIn this episode, I share my thoughts on when it may be time to consider ending a marriage. Although in truth we can leave a marriage whenever we want, there are a few specific questions to evaluate within yourself and your spouse that will ultimately serve you in the future after the decision is made. While divorce can be a very hard thing to consider, let alone go through with, if one leaves for reasons they feel solid about, it sets them up for healing and a positive outcome on the other...
Knowing Yourself | Ep #51
July 24, 2021 21:59 - 23 minutes - 16.6 MBDo you know who you are? When is the last time you answered that question? Most of us go through life thinking that who we are is what others define us to be. Knowing ourselves is the most important work we will ever do. The more we learn who we are, both strengths and weaknesses, the more we are able to accept all of us and challenge ourselves to grow. This in turn allows us to show up in relationships the way we want to, not the way we feel pressured to or expected to. Listen to this e...
Finding Safety in Your Body with Sariah Bastian | Ep #50
July 16, 2021 09:00 - 57 minutes - 39.8 MBMost of us don’t know how to feel. We find all kinds of creative ways to block our emotions, mostly because we weren’t taught how to feel, or were shut down when we did express a feeling. In this episode, guest Sariah Bastian will share her story of going from years of unhealthy marriages and being cut off from herself to becoming an expert in finding safety inside her own body. Sariah is a betrayal trauma expert, as well as a master yoga instructor. With over 15,000 hours of instruction...
Attachment Theory | Ep #49
July 09, 2021 09:00 - 36 minutes - 25.8 MBWe all deal with problems in different ways, but attachment theory can shed some light on why you do the things you do, and why infidelity has affected you in the way that it has. In this episode, you’ll learn what attachment theory is and the three different types of attachment. You’ll also learn how to develop into the kind of attachment that will help you show up in your intimate relationships the way you want to and that will have the most impact. Most of all, you’ll learn how to hav...
Abundance vs Scarcity | Ep #48
July 02, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 22.5 MBIf you listen to podcasts and read self-help books, you have probably heard the terms “abundance mindset” and “scarcity mindset.” However, in this episode I will be talking about each of those things and how they pertain to you and your life. There are four areas where we experience abundance and scarcity (time, money, relationships and health). When we learn how to experience abundance in one area, it often trickles to the others. It is a way of being and thinking. When you understand w...