Say The Things

075: Persuasive Communication

Does it feel like no one hears what you are saying and your words are not initiating change? Listen to the 7 steps to improve your persuasive communication.   Quotes and Links “If you can't convince them, confuse them.”  Harry S. Truman  “You have to get around and listen to what people are saying.  Dewey learned that in ’48.  He didn’t listen, he just talked - and he didn’t say much either.” Harry S. Truman https://www.highconflictinstitute.com

074: Maybe: Is It Helping?

We have all know the phrases “the power of yes” or “the power of no” and we often respond to invitations with “maybe”.  Listen in as I discuss why use use “maybe” and how we can be clearer in our communication and still allow the flexibility of “maybe”.      “There is no communication that is so simple that it cannot be misunderstood.”― Luigina Sgarro

073: Allow Life to Happen

Allowing life to happen isn’t something that comes naturally to many of us.  Today I discuss what we can control and four questions to ask ourselves to let go of our should, would, coulds and allow life to unfold.     Episode Resources and Links Allow by Danna Faulds https://www.shaunaniequist.com https://tinybuddha.com/blog/4-questions-let-go-allow-life-to-happen/

072: What's Behind Your Anger

We seem to be a lot of angry people.  Is anger what we are actually feeling or are we hiding behind other emotions and expressing anger because it's safe?  Today we discuss what may be behind our anger and ways to discuss these emotions with people we have relationships with.  

071: Words: Our Most Powerful Force

This episode kicks off Season 2.  Words are a powerful force.  Many of us have little to no training in communication and our relationships show it.  Let’s spend intentional time this year and consider how we can use our words to be a powerful positive force in our lives and the lives of the people we know and love. Episode Quotes and Links:  https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “Words are singularly the most powerful force available to humanity.  We can choose to use this fo...

070: Second Anniversary

This week marks the two year anniversary of this podcast.  I share with you what’s been happening in my life behind the scenes over the last two years.     Episode links and resources “Sometimes you plodded through life with nothing changing from one month to the next no matter how much you yearned for a revolution to erupt beneath your feet. And sometimes your whole world imploded and rebuilt itself in a matter of seconds.”  ― Laura Kaye, https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_wri...

069: Noticed Isn't Seen

We want to be seen, heard and understood.  Are we displaying information thinking we are being seen and really only being noticed?  Today is a quick rant about the difference between being noticed and being seen.     Episode Links and Quotes https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “Don’t confused getting noticed with being seen.” Tanya Geisler

068: Advocate

We hve more access to the public cries for what is wrong in the world, in our country.  Advocate is a positive term, many advocates I’ve witnessed are not.  Listen to today’s episode for a few ways to become a positive advocate for the things that move you.   Episode Quotes and Links “No voice is too soft when that voice speaks for others.” Janna Cachola  https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/

067: Let Me Clear My Throat: I'm Not Trying to Be Rude

We often being hard to hear or say conversations with "I'm not trying to be" and then are whatever we just said; whether it be rude, offensive, mean.  Offering criticism isn't easy.  Listen to a few ways to offer criticism in a positive way.  Episode Quotes and Links: “The prase ‘don’t take this the wrong way’ has a zero percent success rate.” May 26, 2022 Life Hacks Calendar https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/  

066: Let Me Clear My Throat: Stop Labeling Everything

Not every behavior needs a diagnosis or title from the DSM-5. I see and hear people calling every selfish person a narcissist.  Join me today as I discuss a few differences between selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed and narcissists.   Episode links and resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “There’s a reason narcissist don’t learn from mistakes and that’s because they never get past the first step which is admitting that they made one.”  Jeffrey Kluger

066: Let Me Clear My Throat: Stop Labeling Selfish as Narcissist

Not every behavior needs a diagnosis or title from the DSM-5. I see and hear people calling every selfish person a narcissist.  Join me today as I discuss a few differences between selfish, self-centered, self-absorbed and narcissists.   Episode links and resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “There’s a reason narcissist don’t learn from mistakes and that’s because they never get past the first step which is admitting that they made one.”  Jeffrey Kluger

065: Let Me Clear My Throat: Let's Be Honest

Let’s be honest… If I’m being honest… I’m not lying… Do you hear or speak those words and question the honesty of the other words of the conversation? Join me for a quick ‘just for thought’ episode about why we and others use the phrases “Let’s be honest, If I’m being honest…” Episode links:  https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ Let Me Clear My Throat https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JG9ZwhxSXs

064: Find and Use Your Voice: A Review of The Things

We have been discussing ways to implement more of you, your heart and mind into your relationships buy finding and using your voice.  Today is a quick review.  Episode Quotes, Links and Resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “The only way to find your voice is to use it.” ~Jen Mueller Top Gun: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeK7NQnulbM Pretty Woman (not the exact one I wanted, but it will do ;) ) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhBEgkLUcgk

063: Successful Strategies for Difficult Conversations

We often tell stories of the words we say, what about the things we don’t say?  Difficult conversations are difficult.  Listen to some strategies to help you find and use your voice in difficult spaces.   Episode Links & Resources  https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “All the things we don’t say, all the words we swallow, and it makes nothing but trouble.” Anna Quindlen   Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most; Douglas Stone https://www.americanexpres...

062: Let Go of Past Hurt

How do we speak up about pain and hurt from the past?  Listen in to four ways to take an active role in handling past hurts in your relationships.     Episode links and resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ https://safire-rose.com/books-and-media/poetry/she-let-go https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WyF8RHM1OCg https://www.instagram.com/p/CcTfp_tvcg_/

061: Conflict to Conversation

Have you ever found yourself caught in conflict and can’t find a resolution?  This episode gives you insight into what percentage of our arguments have actual solutions.  You learn about the three types of problems and I provide a new way to approach conflict to turn it into conversation.   https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   Episode Quotes and Resources:   “The way you reach people is by finding common ground, separating ideas from identity and being genuinely open to p...

060: Cover Words

A cover song is a new recording or performance of a song by an artist other then the original composer.  There are no original thoughts and words.  This episode is about ways to use other people’s words that have met you where you are to gain confidence in finding and using your voice.   https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   Episode Quotes and Resources: “Cover versions, that’s my forté, that’s all I ever used to do.  When you play your own songs, it’s quite scary, ‘cause ...

059: Apology: Right and Wrong

We all give and receive apologies. We know bad ones, do we know how to offer good ones?  Today I discuss   six components of a successful apology words that ruins an apology how to apologize for past mistakes. Episode Quotes and Resources:  Never forget the nine most important words of any family -  I love you. You are beautiful. Please forgive me. ~H. Jackson Brown Jr.  Never ruin an apology with an excuse. ~Benjamin Franklin Apologizing does not always mean you’re wrong...

058: Disturb the Sound of Silence

Silence has it’s place in our relationships.  What about the silence that is more like a cancer growing and distancing us from intimacy in our relationships.  Listen how we can apply the lyrics written by Paul Simon to our lives each and every day.  Have the courage to disturb the sound of silence.         https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   Sound of Silence: Simon & Garfunkel https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NAEppFUWLfc  Sound of Silence: Disturbed https://www.youtu...

Find Your Voice

057: Find Your Voice

Conformity

Today, I discuss the pros and cons of conformity, ways to be aware of it in your life.  Does conforming have a positive or negative effect on us?  Episode Quote & Resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.  If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened.  But no price is too hight to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzche “Group conformity sca...

056: Conformity

Today, I discuss the pros and cons of conformity, ways to be aware of it in your life.  Does conforming have a positive or negative effect on us?  Episode Quote & Resources: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.  If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened.  But no price is too hight to pay for the privilege of owning yourself.” Friedrich Nietzche “Group conformity scare...

055: Speak From The Heart: What Does Your Heart Leaking?

The words we speak, thoughts and reactions we  have; they come from what lives in our heart.  When we have anger, bitterness, judgement, resentment, comparison and envy in our heart it leaks into our words and out into the world.  The world has enough of that, let’s learn to people that Say The Things from a place of light, love, forgiveness and curiosity instead.  Listen for ways to heal your heart to move from leaked darkness to beacons of light.     Episode Resources & Quotes: “Never ...

055: Speak From The Heart: What Does Your Heart Leak?

The words we speak, thoughts and reactions we  have; they come from what lives in our heart.  When we have anger, bitterness, judgement, resentment, comparison and envy in our heart it leaks into our words and out into the world.  The world has enough of that, let’s learn to people that Say The Things from a place of light, love, forgiveness and curiosity instead.  Listen for ways to heal your heart to move from leaked darkness to beacons of light.     Episode Resources & Quotes: “Never tr...

054: Are You Open to Today?

We are a few weeks into the new year. How open are we to today’s experiences and opportunities if we are burdened with the trials of yesterday or last year? Listen to become aware of how we carry yesterday into today.  Episode Quotes, Links and Resources:  “Why do you stay in a prison when the door is so wide open?”  ~ Rumi Right Now: Van Halen   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DLQawHJ38Sc Newton’s Law of Motion Desire map; Daneille LaPorte https://daniellelaporte.com

053: What I learned in 2021

There are different approaches to reflecting on the past.  Today’s episode shares a few perspectives and 5 things I learned in 2021.    https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   Episode Quotes:  “Never look back unless you’re planning to go that way.” Henry David Thoreau   “I’ll look back on this and smile because it was life and I decided to live it.” ~Unknown   “There’s a voice that doesn’t use words.  Listen.”  ~Unknown    “It is not the strongest of the speci...

052 What do You Want?

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions.  Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love.  Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want.     Quotes:  “A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna   You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

What do You Want WHOLE

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions.  Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love.  Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want.     Quotes:  “A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna   You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

What do You Want WHOLE

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions.  Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love.  Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want.     Quotes:  “A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna   You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

What do You Want WHOLE

The year is coming to a close, some make time to dream of the upcoming year creating vision boars, deciding words or phrases or resolutions.  Knowing what we want is pivotal in creating a life we love.  Listen to this short episode to hear questions to consider to help you determine what you want.     Quotes:  “A lot of people are afraid to say what they want, that’s why they don’t get what they want.” ~Madonna   You get in life what you have the courage to ask for - Oprah

051: Scar Tissue:

For every physical injury we endure, scar tissue develops; it’s a natural part of the way our body heals and protects itself from future injury.  Does emotional scar tissue develop after emotional scars?  Take a listen and consider how handling emotions can help us heal from the emotional scars in our lives.  Show Quotes and Resources:  “Look at me, he said ‘your scars are not your shame, they are your story.’ He smiled, “and I love stories.” ~Atticus “Never be ashamed of your scars....

050: Resist Resistance?:

Resistance, we may avoid it; it feels like a struggle.  What if we have it wrong?  Resistance is a necessary stage in personal growth.  Without it, we don't achieve true acceptance.   Listen in as I offer some insight to what I've discovered about resistance that may help us get more comfortable and propel us forward in personal growth. Show Links, References and Quotes:  “Resistance to reality is an unwillingness to see things are they truly are.  It’s the struggle you’re in when you fi...

049: Just Say Thank You:

Accepting and receiving help can be uncomfortable.  Today’s episode covers six reasons accepting help is hard and offers a few suggestions on how to get comfortable receiving help.    Thank you, Lindsay for this message and thank you for loving and caring for me like you do.     Links and Quotes:  https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   “In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it...

048: Why We Settle:

Settling, we do it for our own reasons.  There are times to settle and times to soar.  Consider a few ideas of ways to change from settle to living the life you want.     Things to consider: 1.  Where are you settling? 2.  What do you want? 3.  How can you plan to succeed?      Episode Quotes:  “To my fellow women:  Please don’t settle.  Not in a job you hate, not in a town where you don’t feel at home, not with friendships that aren’t real, and especially, especially not w...

047: Lessons from Ted Lasso

Ted Lasso is the topic of today’s episode.  My love of the writing, cast members and dynamics is huge.  One outstanding trait of the characters, they all say the things.  They say the things and  listen to one another.  They hear each other and it’s wonderfully uplifting thing to observe; even if it is fiction.  The interaction and communication is attainable in our lives.    Things to consider: 1.  Do you have people in your life that hold you accountable for your words and actions?  ...

046: Things We Don't Say:

  We say an average of 10,000 words every day, yet there are many things left unsaid.  What happens when we quit sharing with those closest to us words that matter?  We sweep what matters under the rug.  Listen to things I’ve swept under the rug, suggestions for approaching how to bring to light words we hid and the cost of sweeping the words of our heart under the rug.    Resources and links:  https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/534347   https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagm...

045: What's On the Back of Your Player Card?:

A few months ago while talking to my brother he said the phrase “Everyone thinks they are better than the stats on the back of their player card.”  We are quick to judge others and give ourselves a break in this area.  Self-awareness can be a tricky beast.   How would your behavior change if your actual performance in relationships was reported like the statistics of a baseball player?     Focusing on bringing the best you into relationships to give love, honor, respect to those around y...

044: Listen:

Ever felt lonely and wanted a way out?  Lonely for me was a lack of connection, feeling unheard and unseen.  Listen in for a brief explanation of loneliness.  Learn a few ways we can use active listening to combat loneliness.     Resources & Quotes https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “I promise you, there is something worse out there than being sad—and that is being alone and being sad.”  Ted Lasso  (Apple TV) “Listening is a magnetic and strange thing, a creative force....

043: Let Your Guard Down:

We want to be seen, heard and understood, yet it is difficult to let or put our guard down.  We must learn to live a life with people that’s unguarded.  Note: Not everyone is safe to be unguarded, employ healthy boundaries.     Three Things I’ve Learned and Practiced: 1. Give what you want in relationships. 2. Have hard conversations (yes, say the things) 3. Accept help   Episode Quotes and Links: “I can see it in your face.  You’re somewhere below the surface.  So you hide y...

042: Tired of Being Tired?

Are you tired of being tired?  Today I discuss the difference between sleep and rest.  Saundra Dalton-Smith, MD and author of Sacred Rest: Recover Your Life, Renew Your Energy, Renew Your Sanity, provided me much needed insight to move beyond exhaustion.   IN THIS EPISODE: Discover the 7 Types of Rest Ways to rest to overcome exhaustion and fatigue Tips to implement rest into your life https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   Resources: https://riskandinsurance.com/fat...

041: The Impact of Negative Thoughts

Research shows 80% of our thoughts are negative.  How does the cycle of negative thoughts keep us held in a place of being unaware of the beauty of life around us?  There will always be storms in life, do we focus more on the force of the storm, the death grip on our umbrella or do we take time from doing and struggling to see beyond the umbrella, the beauty that exists because of the storm?   Connect with me on IG: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ Episode resources and l...

040: Making Decisions

Decisions are all around us.  Do we make the decisions we need to make as we need to make them allowing life to unfold or do charge ahead not fully aware of our needs and direction?  Consider taking a breath, softening, allowing space for imperfection.   Connect with me @NicoleHagman_writes on IG “It only take a reminder to breathe, a moment to be still, and just like that, something in me settles, softens, makes space for imperfection.  The harsh voice of judgment drops to a whisper and...

039: Do You Validate?:

Validation is the act of helping someone feel heard and understood. It's a powerful relationship tool, we all need.  Validation can boost joy and excitement, end arguments and conflict, build connection, calm fears, squelched concerns.  Listen to get an understand of what validation is, isn’t , what is invalidation.  Let’s say the things that build healthier, stronger relationships.   Episode Quotes & Links: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/ “If you put your validation i...

038: Hope:

Hope, a universal term with two meanings.  How do we frequently use ‘hope’?  Listen as we discuss reason for hope, types of hope, and 7 downsides of hope and what hope needs.     Connect with me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   Episode Links & Resources: “Those who know how close the connection is between the state of mind of a man—his courage and hope, or lack of them—and the state of immunity of his body will understand that the sudden loss of hope...

037: Advice:

Show Notes: When people in our lives are struggling, we offer advice to help, or we have walked similar paths and share what worked for us. We love to give advice and hate to receive it.  What is the disconnect? How do we making offering advice advantageous to our relationships?  Let’s learn to say the things in ways people accept and deepen relationships. 4 Types of Advice Reasons to no longer give advice 4 Types of Social Support Ways to offer advice Connect with me on Instagram:...

036: Talk to Strangers

How often do you find yourself sharing intimate details with seemingly perfect strangers?  Someone to Talk To by Mario Luis Small asks who we trust with our most personal information.  Three reasons we may talk to strangers over those closest to us:  1.  Closest relationships can be most complex 2.  Seeking shared experience 3.  We need to talk - now.     Why trusting strangers feels comfortable when we may need to wait: 1.  Shared physical space 2. Get lost in sharing stories ...

035: You've Got A Friend in Fear

We are told ‘do not be afraid’.  We know most fear is negative and over exaggerated.  What can we learn about fear to honor it, assess it to have a healthy understanding and relationship with it?    Understanding how fear works in our mind and body and strategies to have a healthy relationship with fear.  Use fear to propel us into living not postpone our life.   Quotes from this episode: “Never trust your fears, they don’t know your strength.” ~Athena Singh  “The fears we don’t face...

034: Associate with Anger:

Anger is an emotion we have all sensed, our expression of it differs.  Do you erupt or stuff?  How can anger be an ally.      “I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name was grief.”  ~unknown   “You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You?” A Few Good Men   https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/fact-or-fiction-nasa-spen/   Anger is your ally - Juna...

033: Emotional Processing Style

Our face expresses emotions we are often reluctant to share.  Scientific research is proving unprocessed emotions are the root of almost all physical illness.   There are two type of thinking or processing;  Internal or External.  Determine your processing style, ways to communicate to loved ones your processing needs and ways to be proactive to process your emotions best way for you.     Find me on Instagram @ https://www.instagram.com/nicolehagman_writes/   “A face is more honest t...