Why Kindness should be your superpower #23

Find Your Voice

English - May 27, 2019 04:55 - 34 minutes - 79.9 MB - ★★★★★ - 40 ratings
Mental Health Health & Fitness Education Self-Improvement confidence entrepreneur business anxiety adversity mindset passive income fulfillment mental health health Homepage Download Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed

Previous Episode: Using exercise to help your Mental Health #22

Next Episode: 4 Signs you have a Victim Mentality #24

Find your voice - Episode 23 "She's just a normal girl" by Kelli Doorne #23

Tagline: "Even when times are tough, she still believed that kindness was her super power and that's what got her through... " - Kelli Doorne

Kelli Doorne, has finally found her voice, and I am the first to say YES!

Kelli bravely, opens up and shares her story of how she left home in her teenage years and became homeless. Realising that she was opting to run away when things got bad during her young years, Kellis fight of flight response never saw her stand up take account and fight.

But things have moved on so much because, even as a struggling teenager who couldn't find her way in life she always relied upon her Kindness and believed deep down that this would supersede all her problems and see her through. In agreement with her thoughts, we both emphasise what a better place the world would be if we could all just be kind to one another and help each other more often, because it's the right thing to do.

On a final note, knowing how much courage this took from Kelli to openly come onto the podcast and share her story I want to acknowledge her for her bravery, for the work she does in Milton Keynes and wish her all the best in the future.

I also would urge you all to follow her journey but just don't tag her into anything that is related to Octopus!

Thanks for listening

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Have an awesome day & #JustDeuit & #FindYourVoice

[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren do a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host Aren

of the show himself mr. Aren do what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so firstly I just want

to begin once again by saying thank you

to every single one of you who have

taken time out of your day to try and

listen to our episodes I hope you find

them inspiring and motivating and I hope

they at least add some level of

information or tangible actions and

steps that you can incorporate in your

life now moving on to today's episode

again this is somebody who I think is

perfect for this show it's somebody

who's struggled to almost find her voice

and somebody who has suffered with some

level of adversity but also in terms of

just sharing her story up until today

she's found her voice and alongside that

she's also in a position now where she

wants to have a positive impact on

people who are perhaps going through

similar situations so this is a

fantastic story with Kelly who suffered

with homelessness and quite a few other

ups and downs as well in her life but

more importantly what I really loved

about this story was how it kind of

segwayed into human qualities and we

ended up speaking a lot about kindness

now I'm not sure about you guys

listening but I personally think

kindness is one of the number-one

attributes that we should all what we

shouldn't be born with really but I

suppose some of us can perhaps learn to

be more kind but I think if you all had

that in the back of our heads in all our

day-to-day actions I think the world

would just be a better place so without

further ado let's get this episode on

its way so firstly I just want to

welcome Kelly to the show today and I

want to thank the listeners for tuning

so Kelly how are you doing today yeah

good Erin thanks thanks so much

have me you're very welcome you're very

welcome so Kelly I'm myself actually we

both had a couple of drinks over the

weekend I had in mind 48 hours before

and you can probably still hear it in my

voice but Kelly obviously sounds much

better than myself so it's great to have

you finally here

we have had to rearrange a few times all

my fault that's all right well I'm just

glad that you're here today because I

think your story is going to be very

inspiring for a lot of people and I

think to get it started basically what

we can do is if you wouldn't mind is

just give the listeners a little bit

about yourself a little bit about your

journey your story and what basically

brings you on the show find your voice

today all right okay well first of all

it's absolutely terrifies me

but the reason I'm on here today is I am

using my story of when I was homeless

when I found myself homeless at 16 to

raise awareness and money to support a

local charity that goes a long way to

helping the poverty and homelessness

situation in Milton Kings I'm quite a

private person really but sometimes you

just have to use what you've got in

order to get results

so I guess my my journey starts really

in Nigeria which is where I was born I

was born is there be no quite a loving

family and but my dad was an alcoholic

and we went through some some troubling

times but the most of what I remember as

a as a youngster really was my mum and

her strength not not too much about my

my real dad and we I have another sister

and a brother who's disabled mum had a

lot on a plate and we spent a lot of

time why spend a lot of time kind of

being ferried about between my Nan's

house and my mum's house and kind of

having two homes I guess mm-hmm so he

yeah eventually mum kicked dad out for

there for the final time and we we moved

quite

few miles away to be moved up to Newport

Pagnell which is just on the outskirts

of Milton Keynes that stage of my life

was where it is interesting I felt

really ostracized out of place and

different from everybody I'd grown up in

in London my mother in North London and

I felt a bit rough I felt like so rough

around the edges and all my new friends

had pretty long blonde hair and there

was me with like brown spiky hair and i

felt quite different but nevertheless we

kind of made it you know we made it we

made it through really my mum my sister

and I um just by keeping quite tight and

but then but then things started to

change and I don't know you know what

your experience offers being a teenager

but actually with the hormones and

changes and friend groups and you know

expectations and all different stuff

comes into your life and at that point I

kind of started to break away from my

family and my sister had moved out and

she was she was my rock my mum had a new

boyfriend

and soon to be married they had a new

baby and everything kind of changed for

me and instead of dealing with it I at

13 I found raves and I started going out

raving instead right so that was really

the point in my life where you know I

start to pay a bit too hard and a bit

too young and it was at a point when I

think it's like 19 3 maybe a little no

not 93 sorry a little bit later when my

my sister was a couple of years old then

incident happened where I thought I

thought that I might have have really

hurt my little sister and I and I

freaked out

and instead of once again dealing with

it and talking to my family

I just ran away and I ran away from home

nobody knew where I was I didn't know I

didn't quite understand it myself

and by just yeah I had to escape so I

ended up sleeping in hostels under a

bridge one night and it was a is pretty

terrifying it's pretty terrifying

Wow but I don't even know to start with

that there's so many things that I want

to pull out from your story there if we

just quickly go on that a last bit that

you mentioned so you were sleeping in

hostels you were sleeping under bridges

how long did this period lasts for well

it's our monastery no don't I can't

quite remember and it's gonna be like a

couple of weeks where I was I had

literally nothing no home no nothing I

was surviving by as I go into the hostel

they give me a cup of tea and a biscuit

in the evening I remember then I had to

go and sleep in these dormitories and

they have like plastic sheets from the

bed and you know I was sixteen years old

only 16 years old and I was actually run

away from home for about six months went

back tried living at home and then ran

away again because but obviously

ostracized myself at that point quite

drastically but the period of actually

like being entirely homeless was

probably a few weeks my first steps

going to the church eating lunch is is

lonely so lonely Wow I mean I can only

imagine I've heard I've heard stories

and we have been very fortunate to have

had somebody who suffered with

homelessness on this show earlier when

we first started and it's even the way

you described it now it almost sounds

horrific I mean even at home in my own

comfort of my own home when when the

heating's low you feel that straight

away so to imagine as a very young

teenager 16 year old having to cope with

that but one of the things that I found

prevalent from your story and a couple

of times you mentioned it was whenever

something was going wrong you were

almost running away as opposed to kind

of facing your fear yeah and the

I want to point that out just for the

audience as well because obviously we've

spoken offline as well and you coming on

this show has has taken the immense

courage so I fully appreciate and I'm

very grateful you're sharing this story

because I know what it's like to have

anxiety to have shyness to kind of find

your voice if we use the cliche and I'm

very grateful that you're in a position

now obviously wiser from the experience

and everything that you've been through

to now use your voice to do the great

things like you mentioned the local

charity that you're now working with in

Milton Keynes which is fantastic because

I'm sure that's gonna help people who

may be in a similar situation to

yourself

on that note though are you finding if

for instance you went through some

adversity today are you still doing the

whole fight-or-flight thing and are you

able to kind of stay there and fight or

you still seeing yourself fleeing from

the situation my my natural stay is is

to walk away absolutely it is to walk

away and I sometimes that's a that's a

strength sometimes you know not fighting

is M is always a good thing not to fight

but at the same time sometimes when

you're going through situations you you

and especially if when you're young you

need somebody to help you face those

problems and I don't think I had the

support structure around me at that time

to help me do that and learn those

skills potentially think that though the

point of why I want to share my story

and it's that what knife wasn't awful

for me it really wasn't you know I was

probably a grumpy teenager hopefully a

little bit jealous that this new fellow

had moved into my house and there was a

baby and you know not the attention

wasn't on me and it sounds really daft

but you know I was a normal child I

didn't get into too much trouble or pop

from going right in I didn't get into

too much trouble but this still happened

it was I was still on the streets and it

can happen to anyone any point in their

life and I think it's important for

everybody to recognize that homelessness

doesn't just happen to drug addicts you

know it doesn't happen to people that

you

you think it happens - it happens to

anybody absolutely I think you just you

said a very important point there so

we're always one decision away from

being the situation that you were there

so I would never see someone homeless

whether they drinking or whatever

they're doing as somebody who is a

druggie or somebody who's got an alcohol

problem I would just see somebody who's

probably just made that one bad choice

and then as a spiral has seen themselves

in that in that predicament or in the

situation so I think that's that's a

really really useful point and you also

obviously you've got the self-awareness

now and that probably comes through life

and experience that you're a confused

teenager you've sinned in an alcoholic

father and and all the impact that

alcohol can have on families especially

up to that extent you've then finally

moved away from that situation only for

then your sister to leave you and then

all of a sudden your mom's found a new

fellow like you said got a new baby then

all of a sudden you're kind of feeling

almost lost and like you said jealous

and I think yes that's probably

something that we'd all be lying if we

said we never fallacy at some stage you

know Aren absolutely absolutely I mean

I had my younger brother was probably

nine years young again probably don't

remember the exact days but I'm sure

there were moments when he's probably

getting all the attention and I'm

jumping around thinking hey what about

me what about me over here and then

again it comes down to your circle so

the one thing I say I was very fortunate

with is my parents sent me to grammar

school not my choice but it's very rare

at least growing up for myself to have

grammar school students who were going

to do crazy things on the night I I mean

the most exciting thing we ever did was

revised for her exams or yeah absolutely

or do a bit of extra studying so I

suppose although at that time I hated it

it's probably kept me from doing crazy

things because I was very easily

influenced as a kid so I'm very very

fortunate for that but I just think it's

nice of you now to be in this position

we're obviously you've learnt a lot and

you said something else I thought was

brilliant it was sometimes it's a

strength to obviously walk away and just

to counter that as well sometimes you

have to fight as well and sometimes we

have to also realize that any adversity

we get through life if we can just hold

on and maybe persevere through that it

becomes a brilliant gift and it becomes

something that will make you so much

more resilient to life because whether

you admit it now or not is it just those

few years

you've lived on the streets and the

experiences that you've overcame it

makes you such a stronger person I think

when you when you look at things I

business it yeah they say

fail fast so sometimes walking away is

the is the best thing you can do but

sometimes you just need to stick out for

that one minute more to get the results

that you want and that happens in both

life and business I'm saying I could

have stayed at home at that point when I

thought I'd hurt my sister and faced it

and I could have just stayed eat living

in a you know in a loving environment I

don't know what my life would have been

like if I'd done that you know instead

of wandering around the streets not

knowing this back in 1996 our and I

didn't know what the time was even and

so yes it's been walking around the

streets at that point in my life this is

silly at the same time from a selfish

perspective if you had stayed in that

loving environment and not going into

this homeless world you wouldn't be on

national today to share your story and

also to kind of inspire other people

because like you said there's so many

other people out there making probably

the same decisions as yourself and if we

can just make them maybe think twice or

maybe understand why they're doing it

because as a teenager sometimes we just

we don't even know why we do the things

that we do so I think that's really

important okay fantastic so you've

touched on business towards the end of

that and you said obviously this times

where we need to just try that one more

time or there are times where we need to

move away what's a day like for you now

obviously you know I'm hoping it's not

under bridges and it's not insurance so

what's a day my life like I've Kelly I

could say that I'm in a lovely warm

loving home again now and I have two

children so they're both teenagers and

14 and very soon to be 16 and and I'm

with my fiance and we're getting married

next year but congratulations thanks

very much and routine for me freaks me

out

I read the word routine like okay this

has me so

much as I probably do have one I try not

to think about it too much I don't even

like the fact that my diary tells me

what to do quite stubborn that's

interesting yeah and but I'm quite

creative I like I like making stuff up I

like doing what I need to do at the time

and going with my feeling and so yeah

the word routine freaks me out

does it bring out your rebellious side

for you think no I just don't want to do

it yeah I just say I don't want to do

that right now I want to do something

else and but I'm sure I have one I mean

I always cup of coffee into first thing

in the morning okay after that it's what

I need to get done rather than what I

should know what I don't set routine for

myself understood and what what do you

do for work and business now and so I do

I am a marketing coach so I coach new

businesses on marketing but I work for a

couple of law firms as well on their

brand and marketing fantastic they'll be

useful for the audience as well

listening okay brilliant so we've

obviously touched on probably your

biggest adversity now in life in terms

of confused teenager finding herself

harmless in a place where we wouldn't

probably wish anyone to be in that

actual moment sleeping rough and not

knowing where your next meal is coming

from well not knowing what the time was

as you said what's the biggest lessons

that you've learned in that experience

that you can share with the audience ask

for help yeah I think there's some of

the things I didn't do I didn't know how

to ask for help

I remember one days that were going into

their hostel and I the person he was

there the night support person turned

out to be my month Mike one of my school

friends mums Wow and I mean I would have

thought that I would have been so

embarrassed like cripplingly embarrassed

but you know what

it wasn't embarrassed I was grateful

just to see a face that I recognized and

I think if I look back on my time I

could have just said to her I need help

you know get me back my family I need I

need something to help me

and I didn't and so at that point then

although you were running away from you

still wanted to come home it wasn't a

kind of a matter of you wanted to get

away from that situation you just he was

almost like a cry for help would you say

yeah

yeah definitely I was just I was so

terrified that I'd hurt my sister at

this point of my life I didn't know for

sure whether she was hurt or not it

turns out that she wasn't turns out that

what I had going on in my head was

completely made-up and she was

absolutely fine but I was just so scared

that I've done something wrong and I had

to that's why I ran away Wow and that in

itself is a lesson I think for everyone

and something that I've probably

experienced more times than most is that

we sometimes overthink things and we

think this person is thinking this other

soar this person's going through this

when really all we need to do is

literally ask them the question is

everything all right

haven't done something wrong and also

owning it and I think this is something

that I've really kind of got to grips on

during my adult life I mean I'm nearly

40 now and so just owning your problems

yes you make a mistake that's okay we

all make mistakes it's like hey you know

some mistakes are worse than others but

you've got to own it you've got to take

responsibility for it and then you have

to either you know resolve it or move

forward you can't let your mistakes keep

you in the in the past I think that's a

brilliant point yeah absolutely take

accountability for what you have and I

think the more accountability you can

take for your mistakes providing that

you learn from and you don't keep

repeating the same ones it actually

gives you a sense of power and I suppose

people will look at you in a different

way you'll look at yourself in a

different way because otherwise you're

effectively you just passing the power

over to someone else and you're almost

afraid to take that so I think that's

that's a brilliant yes exactly

thank you for sharing that okay so

things are going well for you now which

is lovely to hear you've done you've got

a suit to be 16 year old and a 14-yard

and you get married next year so great

news for them and I hope everything's

okay yeah absolutely I hope everything I

was amazing for that but I want to ask

you what's your biggest fear then right

now

octopus is right okay not expecting that

yeah really I can't look I can't stand

up this is I think they're way too

clever and and I think they're aliens

but if you put them aside I think it's

my children and if when my children grow

up I don't want them to reflect on it

and say you could have done better for

us and I just want to make sure that

they're happy secure and that they are

inspired that they are grounded you know

and above all I think kind kindness that

they take kindness in through their life

and I think that's that's my biggest

fear and my biggest challenge I'm sure

you do a wonderful job on that and I

think kindness is it's probably the

number one thing my mom ever taught me

and I'm very very grateful for that and

I think I'm sure you're doing the

exactly same so there's probably nothing

to worry about

but the thing we probably should worry

about is octopus's thinking thinking

ahead now you haven't booked a honeymoon

have you anywhere close to like the

ocean or anything no we are the wedding

is going to take place right in up in

the top of the outs so we're quite nice

and safe from any octopi fantastic okay

I was not expecting to answer I've never

heard anyone say that have you actually

seen octopuses on land that isn't that a

good thing because I'm they can help you

out in the kitchen no point taken for it

taken well at least you're in them

you said the Alps did you yeah I don't

Kelly well well I was sure the best for

next year is are with that and looking

forward to follow you in your journey so

you're doing marketing now and you

definitely sound like you're in a much

better place in terms of your mindset

and your ability to reflect on

everything that's going on in your life

what's your biggest sense of motivation

and inspiration on a day to day basis

other than your kids because I know

you're gonna probably say your kids as

your first answer so let's choose a

different answer actually I wasn't okay

when an my name has been one of the

biggest most their biggest and most

inspiring figures in my life

she's not with us anymore sorry Taylor

and she passed away five years ago

in June by still hear her every day

every choice I make every signs have

went up thinking about that but she was

so inspiring and the way that she

handled herself for the people her

tenacity setting up businesses

everything about her was it was amazing

without trying to put her on a pedestal

she was simply the best person I've ever

known

so she inspires me and motivates me

every single day that's brilliant I love

it um I was gonna say I'm very sorry to

hear that brace it's a lovely message

that you said how you still here and you

take that and I'm sure she's probably

looking down whatever you believe in in

terms of God spirituality or something

but I'm sure she's looking down as she's

very very proud eating at me going in my

head I think if she approves that then

I'm happy if I think she wouldn't not so

much it's probably a brilliant way to

almost act out your days because you're

almost thinking you would never want to

let her down and obviously you want her

name to be remembered in a nice way so

your actions and everything that you do

in the world I mean I know we're all our

own people but I think you're almost

living for her as well if that makes

sense

so yeah I think that I think that's a

beautiful message okay brilliant Kelly

so we are actually moving along very

quickly today and we're actually at the

fun part of the show so this is the bit

where I think you were a little bit

anxious about because I'm gonna be

asking you all sorts of very very easy

questions but I suppose when when the

time is on it can get a little bit

overwhelming but I'm sure you're gonna

be fine indecisive right okay so I take

that back then we might have a bit of a

struggle here but let's see how we get

we're gonna do probably 60 to 90 seconds

of just very well I was gonna say easy

but let's see how it goes are you ready

yeah brilliant okay we're gonna go in

three

one okay what did you eat for breakfast

I haven't eaten today if you could

relive one day again what day would it

be Oh crikey that's a hard one and AH I

have two children that's really tough I

think the first time I ever helped my my

baby in my arms I would relive that day

again the first time I ever helped my

baby and I loved it

the ability to fly or be invisible

invisable is sneaky but I think like but

I think I'd like the feeling of flying

some swaying who do you admire most in

the world it's still mine own money or

fame and money your proudest moment I

don't know I don't know I can I pass I

just don't know if we can do a few yeah

okay your favorite food my favorite food

is cheese choice okay

speak or languages or be able to speak

to animals how can you choose like

languages I guess languages if you could

abolish one thing in the world what

would it be and Trump good answer okay

what song best describes your life

what song surprised me hey hi oh I don't

know titles

I could probably hum it you're welcome

to sing it if you want I can't think of

one more pass if you had an extra hour a

day how would you spend it on the sofa

with my fellow Netflix or YouTube

Netflix your favorite TV show ever

friends there's a pretty consistent I

was gonna say yeah I think that's the

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