Divorce University Online
302 episodes - English - Latest episode: 11 days ago - ★★★★★ - 31 ratingsTammy (Child Custody Coach) shares her experience and insights gained from her own divorce and subsequent step family. She also worked alongside her late husband, Attorney Thomas D. Ferreira, for over 15 years as a paralegal and mediator before beginning her child custody coaching practice in 2019. Thomas passed away on May 1, 2023 and Tammy continues to share the wisdom she gained from Thomas through the years as well as her own perspective. Tammy specializes in helping parents who are dealing with co-parents that have high-conflict personality traits such as narcissism, borderline personality disorder and bipolar.
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Episodes
Listener Questions Answered
July 12, 2022 09:00 - 37 minutes - 51.3 MBListener Questions Answered – Episode 199 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this episode, we answer several listener questions. The topics include appearing in Court, financial considerations when determining custody and grandparent rights. We also give a shout out to one special listener. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!
But…….I’m Right!
July 05, 2022 21:22 - 33 minutes - 45.6 MBBut…….I’m Right! – Episode 198 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you know you’re right and the other parent is wrong, it can be very hard to disengage from a disagreement. This is true in any relationship whether a marriage or not but it becomes even more of a problem during divorce. Being right can be important, especially if the safety of your children is at risk. But many times, we’re giving our energy to an argument that ultimately doesn’t really matter. So, how do you dete...
Seashells By The Seashore
June 28, 2022 19:29 - 30 minutes - 42.2 MBSeashells By The Seashore – Episode 197 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this episode, we share a heartwarming story about a father that regularly took his children to hunt for seashells on the beach. For his daughter, these became very fond memories and she even kept her collection of seashells as an adult. But her father had a secret about the adventures that the daughter never learned until her father became elderly. How can this secret help you in your custody and coparenting...
Are You Chasing Sunk Costs?
June 21, 2022 20:33 - 30 minutes - 42.5 MBAre You Chasing Sunk Costs? – Episode 196 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Sunk cost is an economic term used to describe costs that in the past and should not be considered in the current financial analysis of a project to help determine whether the project is worth pursuing financially. This theory can be applied to divorce to help you determine whether you should continue fighting or consider letting go. In divorce this issue reaches far beyond financial aspect because divorce al...
Children Caught In The Middle
June 15, 2022 00:04 - 37 minutes - 52.1 MBChildren Caught In The Middle – Episode 195 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Studies show that conflict between co-parents is one of the things that does the most damage to children post divorce. Sometimes one parent is manipulating or lobbying the kids intentionally and sometimes parents just have difficulty getting past their own emotions or recognizing what is happening. In this episode we give some examples and talk about how you can handle this issue, whether it’s a mistake you...
Law Of Attraction
June 07, 2022 17:19 - 34 minutes - 47.4 MBLaw Of Attraction – Episode 194 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this episode we talk about the Law of Attraction and how it applies in divorce. Have you attracted this crap storm in your life? Or are you being intentional in moving your life forward out of the negative and into the positive? Join us as we discuss how you can use the law of attraction principles to help you turn your divorce into a positive foundation for growth. For more information, please visit us at www.divorc...
Lighting Your Fire
May 31, 2022 16:44 - 34 minutes - 47.7 MBLighting Your Fire – Episode 193 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this episode we talk about how to find motivation before, during and after divorce. Many times people know divorce is inevitable but have a hard time motivating themselves to take the first step. Once you’re “up to your eyeballs” in divorce it gets even harder to see the long-term picture. So, how do you stay focused and set goals that will get you where you want to go? For more information, please visit us at www....
Starving the Beast
May 24, 2022 17:25 - 34 minutes - 47.5 MBStarving the Beast – Episode 192 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. “The Beast” can be any high-conflict personality issue you are dealing with in your ex. Women often feel that their ex’s are narcissistic, although some men do as well, and many men we encounter feel that their ex is a “crazy chic” or has borderline personality disorder. Regardless of what type of high-conflict personality you’re dealing with, we’ll give you strategies to “Starve the Beast”. For more information, plea...
Child Custody Fears
May 17, 2022 19:22 - 35 minutes - 48.6 MBChild Custody Fears – Episode 191 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Children are often at the center of high-conflict cases. Our minds can run wild with all the different fears, concerns and wondering how to protect our children. And sometimes, the Court doesn’t share our concerns. Why is that? And how do we objectively know when our fear is irrational and when it is valid? This topic is art more than science and we’ll do our best to break it down for you in this episode. For more inf...
Child Support and Verbal Agreements
May 10, 2022 19:57 - 27 minutes - 37.4 MBChild Support and Verbal Agreements – Episode 190 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Verbal agreements can be a great way to stay out of Court when both parties have the integrity to follow through with their agreements. All too often, we get a call after one party has failed to hold up their end of the bargain and the other party is left wondering how to right the wrong. In this episode, we’ll talk about the pros and cons of verbal agreements and what happens when you find yourself ho...
Your Divorce Song
May 03, 2022 17:21 - 38 minutes - 52.7 MBYour Divorce Song – Episode 189 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this light-hearted episode we share our own divorce songs and talk about some of our favorites. We’ll also share other humorous coping strategies we employed along the way to help us cope with the hurt and anger during our divorces. We’ll even pull a few skeletons out of the closet and share a couple of our not so proud moments. We hope this one adds a few laughs to your day! For more information, please visit us at...
Brevity Is Effective
April 26, 2022 18:49 - 30 minutes - 42.3 MBBrevity Is Effective – Episode 188 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In almost every single case we see, the parties say too much! They say too much to each other, in Court, and in their written statements to the Court. It’s easy to do because we feel like we have so many important things that need to be said to the Court and our ex. But brevity wins the day and creates the best outcomes both in Court and in your co-parenting. So, how do you decided what to say and what not to say? F...
Pointless Anger
April 19, 2022 22:09 - 33 minutes - 45.7 MBPointless Anger – Episode 187 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Anger can be a helpful emotion, especially in Divorce and Child Custody situations. Anger always covers hurt and can be helpful in keeping us functioning in the midst of great emotional pain. But can your anger become more harmful than helpful and how can you tell if it’s reached that point? For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!
Legal Strategy vs. Life Strategy
April 12, 2022 19:20 - 28 minutes - 38.5 MBLegal Strategy vs. Life Strategy – Episode 186 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Divorce puts most people in a state of sheer survival. Your lawyer’s job is to assist you in navigating the legal process and to help you get the most favorable results in your case. But what about your life? Sadly, the legal process usually has little consideration of the practical aspects of your day-to-day life. So, how do you make sure your legal strategy work WITH your life strategy and not against i...
Destroying Your Ex
April 05, 2022 15:59 - 34 minutes - 47.8 MBDestroying Your Ex – Episode 185 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The legal process can leave you feeling like you want to destroy your ex or take them down. Let’s face it, we often fantasize about it. And sometimes, the support you have around you, lawyers, coaches, family members, etc. only fan the flames of that fantasy. We’re told how to document, how to get the upper hand, how to win in Court. But destroying your ex may not be the best strategy for winning in Court, or in life....
Child Custody Declarations: Biggest Errors
March 29, 2022 20:49 - 33 minutes - 45.9 MBChild Custody Declarations: Biggest Errors – Episode 184 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Most of our discussions around writing child custody declarations for Court involve how to outline your points and present your concerns to the Court. But today, we’ll talk about the biggest errors we see and what not to do when writing declarations. We’ll also share examples of some of the common mistakes we see from client. For more information, please visit us at divorceuniversityonline.com....
5 Easy Steps to a Win-Win
March 22, 2022 22:54 - 36 minutes - 50.1 MB5 Easy Steps to a Win-Win – Episode 183 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The first step to finding a win-win is to figure out what is essential, or non-negotiable, for you. Once you decide if an issue is essential or trivial, you know whether it is worth your time and effort to come up with win-win solutions. We’ll give you a five-step framework to help you to determine if an issue is essential. If it’s not essential then it may be what the Court frequently refers to as a “garbage i...
Don’t Drink and Post!
March 16, 2022 22:20 - 31 minutes - 43.2 MBDon’t Drink and Post! – Episode 182 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Social media posts are one of the most common exhibits used in family law cases. It’s become acceptable to share (sometimes too much) on social media but the rules change when the Court becomes the authority in your case. In this episode, we’ll discuss when it’s ok to use social media and when it’s not and the best way to eliminate the potential problem completely. This episode may contain some tough love so brace ...
Therefore What?
March 09, 2022 02:59 - 29 minutes - 40.7 MBTherefore What? – Episode 181 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Over and over we see people stuck in arguments based on their position. They clearly disagree and yet the continue to set forth their logical arguments for their position. In this situation there are really only two options to stop the insanity. One, is to agree to disagree. Two, is to shift the discussion into a problem-solving discussion. What creative solutions can we come up with that would solve this problem in a way...
Thinking On Your Feet
March 01, 2022 13:53 - 34 minutes - 47.4 MBThinking On Your Feet – Episode 180 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Thinking on their feet is something attorney’s often have to do in Court and it comes up when we are working with coaching clients, especially if they are self-represented. It’s important to understand concepts around Court and co-parenting so that you can apply those concepts in any situation. Otherwise, you prepare what you believe is important but as soon as you’re asked a question that you didn’t prepare for, yo...
FEAR NOT
February 22, 2022 17:47 - 34 minutes - 47.4 MBFEAR NOT – Episode 179 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. So many divorcing people are driven by fear. They are often worried, “what if” this happens or “what if” that happens. It can overtake you and cause you to behave in ways the end up creating the very outcome you were trying to avoid. So, how can you stay present focused and ditch the fear? Join us now to find out. For more information, please visit us at divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!
Do Your Actions Match Your Word?
February 15, 2022 10:07 - 38 minutes - 52.7 MBDo Your Actions Match Your Word? – Episode 178 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In Court, credibility is everything. If your actions do not match what your telling the Court, then you are hurting your credibility. This can have a negative impact on your case even when the “presentation” of your information went well. We’ll share some examples in this episode and some tips to help you keep your credibility intact. For more information, please visit us at divorceuniversityonline.com. ...
Why Isn’t My Judge Listening?
February 09, 2022 02:02 - 28 minutes - 39.3 MBWhy Isn’t My Judge Listening? – Episode 177 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Going to Court is almost always a difficult experience emotionally. But, if you also leave feeling like the Judge didn’t listen to you, you are not alone. In this episode, we’ll talk about how to get inside the Judge’s head and understand what they are looking for. We’ll also give you helpful tips for presenting your case in a way that you can get the Judge to hear you. For more information, please visit us...
How Can I Protect Myself?
February 01, 2022 17:11 - 30 minutes - 42.2 MBHow Can I Protect Myself? – Episode 176 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When clients ask how they can protect themselves, they are usually referring to the other parent. We often feel stress and anxiety in dealing with our ex. It’s common to feel like they are playing “gotcha” and even if they have an attorney, we may feel like the attorney is playing “gotcha” on their behalf. Join us as we share strategies you can use to bring calm and peace to your interactions while responding in...
When to Stop Fighting
January 25, 2022 20:33 - 30 minutes - 42.2 MBWhen to Stop Fighting – Episode 175 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Divorcing people tend to have conversations where each person is advocating their “position”. Much of the communication we see involves multiple paragraphs back and forth between the parties. The emotional exhaustion takes it’s toll on your entire life. In this episode, we explore what needs to be responded to and what you can safely ignore to save your sanity. For more information, please visit us a divorceunivers...
No Means No
January 18, 2022 10:00 - 30 minutes - 42.1 MBNo Means No – Episode 174 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Much of the conflict between co-parents comes from “beating a dead horse” so to speak. We often see people argue back and forth endlessly, whether by email, through a messaging app, or text messages, and repeating their disagreements on an issue. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree in order to have peace. In this episode, we’ll help you recognize when you’re stuck in repetitive conflict and give you tools to end it peace...
Jack of All Trades, Master of None
January 11, 2022 22:52 - 34 minutes - 47.9 MBJack of All Trades, Master of None – Episode 173 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. It seems daily life is a constant go, go, go and it can be difficult to manage everything that’s coming at us. And yet many of us have a hard time saying no and end up overcommitting ourselves. When we add divorce to that equation, it can make us want to crawl into bed and stay there. In this episode, we talk about how to do less and how to make sure what you are doing is the most important thing. For ...
Starting Small
January 04, 2022 22:05 - 31 minutes - 42.7 MBStarting Small – Episode 172 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Divorce, like many challenging life events, is overwhelming for most people, especially in the beginning. It changes so many aspects of your life that you don’t know where to start putting out all the fires. In this episode, we’ll discuss starting small to avoid overwhelm and building on prior action to gain momentum in moving through your divorce from both an emotional and practical perspective. Shout out to James Clear,...
Don’t Get Too Close to the Edge
December 22, 2021 02:57 - 29 minutes - 40.7 MBDon’t Get Too Close to the Edge – Episode 171 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Many couples have parenting differences during their relationship that become more magnified through a divorce or separation. Sometimes parents find themselves worried about their children when the children are in the other parent’s care or they do not agree with decisions the other parent makes. This conflict can cause untold harm in your co-parenting relationship. Today, we’ll discuss what concerns you ...
What Is a Through Line?
December 07, 2021 23:37 - 31 minutes - 43.8 MBWhat Is a Through Line? – Episode 170 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Through Line is a term you’ll be familiar with if you have acting experience. When someone portrays a character they develop a through-line for the character that helps guide them in predicting how a character will behave in various circumstances. In applying this to our own life, how do we respond in various situations, especially a crisis like a divorce? Is your through-line helpful? Or has it been chopped int...
New Beginnings
November 30, 2021 18:02 - 32 minutes - 44.9 MBNew Beginnings – Episode 169 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Most people that go through a divorce or breakup feel like everything is falling apart. We tend to focus on the loss, the loss of family, the loss of finances, the loss of who we were in that relationship. But life becomes hopeful again when you shift your perspective to the future. With Divorce comes the opportunity for a fresh start, a new beginning. How exciting! For more information, please visit us at divorceuniversi...
What Is A Forensic Expert?
November 23, 2021 18:16 - 35 minutes - 48.8 MBWhat Is A Forensic Expert? – Episode 168 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Divorce comes with all kinds of jargon and terms that most people have never heard of, including “forensic expert”. We tend to think of a crime scene when we think of the word forensic but in the Court system, a forensic expert is usually brought in for a financial issue or a custody issue. This person is an “expert” in their respective field. They can be brought in by the Court or by one or both of the partie...
What Is It Worth?
November 16, 2021 17:34 - 28 minutes - 39.3 MBWhat Is It Worth? – Episode 167 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The value of something extends far beyond its financial value. Things often have intangible value to us such as emotional value. A “get all you can” mentality is common in divorce. But sometimes we overlook the cost. If what you are getting outweighs the cost of it, then is it really worth it? From a numbers perspective, that’s easy to determine. But, when it comes to emotions, there is a lot of grays. We’ll help you s...
Biggest Divorce Mistakes
November 10, 2021 01:51 - 31 minutes - 43.7 MBBiggest Divorce Mistakes – Episode 166 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We often hear from people, wow, I wish I had found you years ago when I was going through my divorce! That comment is usually followed by a story about some big mistake they made that could have been avoided if they had only known it was a problem. So, today, we’re going to share the biggest divorce mistakes we see that cause people undue financial and emotional strain and don’t necessarily lead to better outcom...
Top Ten Divorce Questions
November 03, 2021 00:19 - 36 minutes - 50.4 MBTop Ten Divorce Questions – Episode 165 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Got questions? Today, we have answers. We answer the top ten questions we get about divorce including where to file, who should file first and questions about cost, property division, custody, and support. We’ll give you a big-picture overview that will help you get headed in the right direction. For more information, please visit us at divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!
One More Thing…………
October 26, 2021 16:56 - 31 minutes - 43.9 MBOne More Thing…………. – Episode 164 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We see this problem in many, many cases. Parties will work very hard to reach an agreement on issues and then one party wants to ask for changes. Asking for a change isn’t always a problem but if one change leads to another leads to another……..you might end up blowing the deal. In order to avoid problems, you need to go into your negotiations with a game plan and an understanding of the art of divorce negotiations. F...
Affairs – From Each Perspective
October 19, 2021 09:00 - 36 minutes - 49.5 MBAffairs – From Each Perspective – Episode 163 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Many relationships break down due to one party having an affair. This issue is very emotional and can cause blockages that keep you from being able to discuss or settle your divorce case. And while the emotions run high for both parties, we tend to focus more on the “wronged” spouse, for obvious reasons. Today, we’re going to discuss this topic from both perspectives and how it creates problems for both p...
Are You Giving Away Your Power?
October 12, 2021 09:00 - 33 minutes - 46.5 MBAre You Giving Away Your Power? – Episode 162 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Divorce has a way of making anyone feel powerless. Powerless to control your situation, the other person, your kids, etc. We often see people after the divorce or breakup who are unknowingly continuing to give away their power. This comes in many forms such as engaging in conflict with your ex, worrying about what they say or what they’ll think, or what they may say to the children. Today we’re going to h...
Be A Drama Destroyer
October 05, 2021 09:00 - 34 minutes - 46.7 MBBe A Drama Destroyer – Episode 161 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Let’s face it, divorce or a breakup often includes ongoing, relentless, crazy-making drama. Conversations that you replay in your head about what you could have said or should have said. You may walk around seething with anger or frustration and your ex’s drama ends up robbing you of even more time because you are wasting it thinking about them. The key is to shift your focus from their drama to your success. We’ll ...
One is the Loneliest Number
September 28, 2021 09:00 - 34 minutes - 48 MBOne is the Loneliest Number – Episode 160 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Does it feel like everyone around you is happily married or in a happy relationship? Are you managing the burden of the kids, the finances, the pets, and every other aspect of daily life by yourself? It can be quite lonesome for many people, especially if we’re not looking to jump back into the dating pool right away. In this episode, we’ll help you manage this phase of divorce in a positive way that you can ...
Raising Self-Reliant Children After Divorce
September 21, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 44.6 MBRaising Self-Reliant Children After Divorce – Episode 159 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Most parents have concerns about how divorce will negatively impact their children. We want to do all we can to set them up for future success. Post-Divorce Parenting plans are a great tool to create self-reliance, resilience, and confidence in children. Again, as adults, we tend to look at the negatives, but a properly structured parenting plan can provide stability and continuity for your c...
Are You Seeking Closure?
September 14, 2021 09:00 - 26 minutes - 36.2 MBAre You Seeking Closure? – Episode 158 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Closure is something many people struggle with after the divorce. We want our pound of flesh. We want the other person to understand what they’ve done. Divorcing parties are often seeking closure through the Court process though they almost never realize that is what they are after. So, how can you get the closure you’re seeking and if you can’t get it, how can move forward? For more information, please visit us...
Two Strategies for Winning
September 07, 2021 16:43 - 38 minutes - 52.3 MBTwo Strategies for Winning – Episode 157 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Almost all high-conflict (and expensive!) divorces involve at least one party, and sometimes both, using a “negative strategy”. A negative strategy involves tearing the other person down, telling the Court what a horrible person or parent they are, and engaging in all manner of mudslinging. So, how do you beat them at their own game? You use a different strategy, one that is built for long-term success and wil...
Understanding the Psychology of Divorce
August 31, 2021 15:50 - 25 minutes - 34.4 MBUnderstanding the Psychology of Divorce – Episode 156 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Why is there so much conflict in divorce? If the marriage is over, why can’t we just walk away peacefully and leave each other to live our lives? Having conflict is the flip side of the intimacy and connection in a marriage. Not caring would allow us to walk away but because we do care, we have conflict. So, how do you disengage when your emotions are working against you? Join us as we discuss wh...
How to Embrace Your Inner Awesomeness!
August 24, 2021 18:38 - 28 minutes - 39.7 MBHow to Embrace Your Inner Awesomeness! – Episode 155 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. If you are in a co-dependent relationship or perpetually have a victim mentality, then you are not embracing your inner awesomeness. Embracing your inner awesomeness is feeling confident, worthy, and empowered. This is easier said than done when you are going through an inherently negative life experience such as divorce. So, how do you get there? Join us as we dive into this topic. For more infor...
I’ve Been Served with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. Now What?
August 17, 2021 09:00 - 33 minutes - 46.1 MBI’ve Been Served with a Domestic Violence Restraining Order. Now What? – Episode 154 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Domestic Violence Orders are, unfortunately, a very necessary part of the judicial system. But when you’re the one being accused, it can be very stressful, particularly when you feel like the allegations are false. Domestic Violence Orders can impact your ability to see your kids, your career, your ability to rent a place to live, your ability to own a firearm, and ...
I’m Self-Represented. How Do I Prepare for a Court Hearing?
August 10, 2021 09:00 - 42 minutes - 58.7 MBI’m Self-Represented. How Do I Prepare for a Court Hearing? – Episode 153 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Most people get nervous before Court (Here’s a secret: Even attorney’s get nervous!) Attorney’s often appear very smooth and well-spoken but what we don’t see is the hours of preparation that went into that one court hearing. It’s hours! And if you don’t believe us, just look at your attorney bill! So, what steps does an attorney go through to prepare for a Court hearing and h...
Are You Flexing Your Emotional Muscles?
August 03, 2021 18:01 - 44 minutes - 60.6 MBAre You Flexing Your Emotional Muscles? – Episode 152 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Let’s face it, when divorce first hits you, you often feeling like crawling in a hole and not coming out. We want to withdraw and shut down. When that happens, we become emotionally weaker and the divorce process requires emotional strength. So, how can we flex our emotional muscles in a way that builds strength, confidence and courage? If you’re still in that place of emotional struggle, this is...
How to Win in Mediation
July 27, 2021 17:21 - 40 minutes - 55.5 MBHow to Win in Mediation – Episode 151 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In our experience, no one truly wins in divorce. Everyone usually walks away from the process feeling like things were unfair or like they just didn’t get the outcome they were wanting. But the beauty of divorce mediation is that, unlike Court, you can find opportunities to create win-win outcomes. With preparation, you can advocate for your own interest while focusing on problem-solving for the benefit of both...
Presenting Documents to Win in Child Custody Court
July 20, 2021 16:36 - 39 minutes - 53.6 MBPresenting Documents to Win in Child Custody Court – Episode 150 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Understanding how to present evidence to the Court is where we see many self-represented people struggle. There are rules for what can present when you can present it, and how you must present it. In this episode, we’ll give you a few simple guidelines that will help you present your case like a pro! And if you already have professional help, this will help you understand how you can b...