Divorce University Online

Anxiety and Stress in Child Custody

Anxiety and Stress in Child Custody – Episode 247 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Anxiety and stress are two of the most common complaints I hear from co-parents dealing with a high-conflict ex. The day-to-day interaction with a difficult co-parent can leave you feeling exhausted and drained. If you have that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach every time you receive a communication from them, then you know what I’m talking about. What if you could find away to have the interac...

Getting the Upper Hand in Child Custody

Getting the Upper Hand in Child Custody – Episode 246 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Do you feel like your co-parent has had the “emotional upper hand” through your entire relationship? And now that dynamic has continued throughout your co-parenting even though you are no longer in a relationship? This is a very common feeling when we’ve been involved with a high-conflict personality such as a narcissist, borderline, antisocial, etc. In this episode, I’ll share how you can put an ...

What is a Child Custody Evaluation

What is a Child Custody Evaluation – Episode 245 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. What is child custody evaluation? A custody evaluation can be one of the most nerve wracking experiences of any child custody case. Many parents have no idea what to expect or how to succeed in this arena. And once you mess it up, there are no do overs! In this episode, I’ll walk you through a high-level view of what to expect and how to bring up your points of concern about the other parent with the e...

Child Custody is a Mental Game

Child Custody is a Mental Game – Episode 244 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. What is an attorney’s biggest fear? And when they handle a case, what weapons do they use to help them prepare for the mental warfare of Court? As the client or a self-represented party, what are the strongest tools you have to help you win your case? Whether you’re goal is to leverage your attorney and give them the ammunition you need, or to win in you self-represented case, I’ll help you learn what weap...

Perspective with Thomas’ Ex Wife

Perspective with Thomas’ Ex Wife – Episode 243 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. This week I’m joined by Special Guest, Emillie, who is Thomas’ Ex Wife. We discussed the history of her divorce and subsequent co-parenting with Thomas and me over the past 17 years. Sometimes, when you’re having conflict with your ex, the skill of being able to shift your perspective and look at things from their side can help you navigate the situation in a more amicable way. I learned a couple things ...

Pulling Your Fat Out of the Fire

Pulling Your Fat Out of the Fire – Episode 242 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you hit a peak of frustration in your divorce or child custody case, you may decide it’s time to retain an attorney or file a motion with the Court to help you resolve the issues. But, what if there were steps you could take to help you keep from getting to that point. What if you could deal with your co-parent without stress or anxiety and learn how to communicate effectively. How much would that i...

Grief Is A Process

A Love Story

A Love Story – Episode 240 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. This week I’m sharing a bit about mine and Thomas’ personal life. I’ll share a couple of funny stories from our early days and talk about he progression of our life and our business. Even when life seems hard and unfair, there is joy to be found if we can focus on what’s possible for us. For more information, please visit www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

The Tragic Ending

The Tragic Ending – Episode 239 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Life is nothing if not constant change. This episode is our most personal yet. On May 1, 2023 the world lost the most beautiful soul known as Thomas D. Ferreira. Join me (Tammy) for my first solo episode. The pain is raw and real right now but I’m here and we’ll push through together. If you’d like to support our family through this tragic time, our greatest need is financial. So, please share our gofundme link:  https...

REPLAY: Are You Ready For Your Court-Sponsored Child Custody Mediation?

REPLAY:  Are You Ready For Your Court-Sponsored Child Custody Mediation? - In Episode 91, of the Divorce University Online Podcast, we talk about child custody mediation that is conducted by the Court, not a private mediator. Whether your Court system keeps the mediation private or has the mediator report to the Judge, there are certain things you should do and say and certain things you should not. If you want things to go your way, you need to be prepared with an effective strategy for c...

Appeals

Appeals – Episode 238 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. People are commonly unhappy with their court results, and we get asked lots of questions about appeals. Appeals are extremely complex, very time consuming, and if you have an attorney, very expensive. If you don’t have an attorney, you’ll be paying in the form of your own time. And yet, appeals have an extremely high denial rate. Why is that? We’re sharing our perspective to give you some insight as to whether filing an appeal i...

On a Scale of 1-10, How Jerky Is Your Ex?

On a Scale of 1-10, How Jerky Is Your Ex? – Episode 237 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We all feel like our ex is the worst but when you start hearing the stories of what other people deal with, you often find yourself grateful that your ex isn’t worse. We get asked “How bad is my ex compared to what you see?” on almost a daily basis. So, in this episode, we’ll share some of our more extreme stories so you can rate your ex on a scale of 1-10. For more information, please visit www...

Matching Your Attorney with Your Goals

Matching Your Attorney with Your Goals – Episode 236 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When someone is searching for an attorney to handle their divorce and/or child custody case, it is common for that person to be in somewhat of an emotional crisis given the breakdown of their family. Often we rely on friends and family for a referral. But even if the attorney was a good choice for your friend or family member, that does not mean the attorney is a good fit for you. So, how do you ch...

Ex Parte/Emergency Child Custody Hearings: To File or Not to File

Ex Parte/Emergency Child Custody Hearings: To File or Not to File – Episode 235 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The decision on when and if to file for an emergency hearings in child custody cases is a difficult decision not only for parents, but for attorneys as well. In this episode, we’ll talk about the reality of the statistics and how to evaluate whether or not it’s appropriate for your situation. We’ll share our process for evaluation these choices that has come from 15 years...

Mediation with a High Conflict Ex

Mediation with a High Conflict Ex – Episode 234 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We frequently get asked if mediation will work with a high-conflict personality such as a narcissist or borderline. In fact, most of the time, it works better than the Court process. In this episode, we’ll share strategies on how to negotiate with a high conflict person and tips to help ensure you get the best result possible? For more information, please visit www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks fo...

Move Away and Relocation Requests in Child Custody

Move Away and Relocation Requests in Child Custody – Episode 233 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Move away (also called Relocation in some states) requests are complicated. In this episode we’ll discuss the factors the court considers and what you can do to strengthen your case, whether you’re the parent that wants to move or the parent who wants to stop the move. Join us for a deep dive on this complex issue. For more information, please visit www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Than...

Killer Strategies for Custody Motions

Killer Strategies for Custody Motions – Episode 232 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When we think of child custody motions we tend to think of preparing our documents and declaration as well as presenting in Court or communicating with our attorney on what to expect. But crafting a winning motion starts far in advance of actually filing the motion. You need to build your case through long-term strategies to increase your odds for a win when you finally get your day in court. For mo...

Child Custody: Bonding vs. Discipline

Child Custody: Bonding vs. Discipline – Episode 231 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Co-parenting situations often make parents feel as if they are in a competition with the other parent for their child’s affection. We see parents try to deal with this in a number of ways, some over discipline, some talk to the child about the other parent, and others don’t discipline at all. And yet, all of these approaches create a whole list of unintended consequences, not the least of which is p...

Happiness: Your Moral Obligation to Your Children

Happiness: Your Moral Obligation to Your Children – Episode 230 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. During divorce and child custody issues, many parents worry about their children’s happiness. But we often forget about our own happiness. Your happiness, or lack thereof, is a continuous daily example for your kids. So, it’s important to be the best example you can be. Going through a negative life experience can make it near impossible. In this episode, we’ll share tips to help you be ...

Co-Parent Communication: Mom vs. Dad

Co-Parent Communication: Mom vs. Dad – Episode 229 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Communication with your co-parent is a struggle for many people after a divorce or break up. Not only do we come at things differently as a mother or father, but we also must consider how the Court views our communication. In this episode, we’ll share the top mistakes people make and how you can modify your communication to have peace with your co-parent and gain credibility with the Court. For more ...

Are You Addicted to Drama?

Are You Addicted to Drama? – Episode 228 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The patterns that occur during relationships often continue long after the break up. Most people tend to focus on the other person and what the other person is “doing to them”. But the other person and their behaviors are out of our control. So, how do you stop the patterns of emotional abuse, attacks, manipulation, hysteria and drama? For more information, please visit www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks ...

Are You Relying on Your Children for Your Happiness?

Are You Relying on Your Children for Your Happiness? – Episode 227 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you experience a divorce or breakup and have to start sharing your children between two households, it can be devastating. Suddenly, yourself home alone with no idea what to do. Don’t get us wrong, the quiet can be nice, the extra time for sleep is a bonus and the chance to do things you can’t do with the kids is a perk. But, it can also be emotionally difficult to be away from y...

Make a Clean Break

Make a Clean Break – Episode 226 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We’ve all heard the cliché, “Make a Clean Break”. But this can prove to be sage advice especially in romantic relationships. It can prove hard to do especially when you’re trying to co-parent with the person that you’re trying to make a clean break from. So, how do you accomplish both? For more information, please visit www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

Parallel Parenting with a High Conflict Ex

Parallel Parenting with a High Conflict Ex – Episode 225 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The concept of Parallel Parenting was based on observing young children at play. Young children do not tend to have interactive play, they tend to play the same game or toy side by side. When you apply this to the model of parenting for high-conflict parents, “side by side” parenting reduces conflict and allows each parent to create their own separate “worlds” for the children – resulting in ca...

What to Say in Court

What to Say in Court – Episode 224 of Divorce University Online Podcast. Public speaking is a fear that people often rank higher than death itself. When you have to do it in Court, in front of a Judge, your ex, their attorney, and the subject is your life, well, fear almost doesn’t come close to describing it. Aside from the fear of public speaking you also have to figure out what to say, what not to say, when to speak, when not to speak. No wonder we all have anxiety before a court date. In...

Creating Your Game Plan

Creating Your Game Plan - Episode 223 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Any time you’re dealing with complex situations, you need a game plan to be successful. It’s always good to be flexible and to be able to adapt to changing situations but if you don’t know what the end goal is or how to get there, then your leaving things to chance. Divorce and child custody issues are too important to leave to chance. They impact your entire life and can effect your overall happiness. So, it wou...

Are You Waiting for Permission?

Are You Waiting for Permission? - Episode 222 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Often, when you’ve been in a controlling and manipulative relationship, you develop a pattern of feeling like you need permission for everything you do. You can learn to tap into your authentic self and live the life you desire but it requires doing something different. You must face your fear and create the intention you desire for your life. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversity...

REPLAY: Out of the Mouth of Babes

Out of the Mouth of Babes - In this BONUS Episode, we decided to give you a more personal look at divorce from the viewpoint of children, specifically our own. We have invited our four boys to join us in studio this week to share their experiences of our divorces. Tammy’s two sons, Dalton, age 29, Kevin, age 24 and Thomas’ two sons, Isaiah, age 16 and Isaac, age 15 talk about the impact our divorces had on them. The boys were 15, 11, 2, and 1 at the time of our divorces and given their wide ...

Is Your Ex Stealing Your Happiness?

Is Your Ex Stealing Your Happiness? - Episode 221 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. During divorce, it’s easy to blame your ex for everything that is happening. And, while many things may be their fault, focusing on those things only makes you more unhappy. Why is that? And more importantly, are there solutions? Join us to find out. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

Is It Time to Change Course in Your Custody Case?

Is It Time to Change Course in Your Custody Case? - Episode 220 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results. Yet, we often see people make this mistake in their Court case. If you aren’t getting the results you want, maybe it’s time to change course. But, you don’t want to change course randomly, you need to have a specific, planned path from where you are now to where you want to be in your case. For ...

Understanding the Motion/Request for Order Process

Understanding the Motion/Request for Order Process - Episode 219 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this episode, we talk through the court process for motions, also known as a Request for Order (RFO). We’ll cover the logistical aspect of filing the motion, how to determine your arguments, writing your declaration, and speaking in Court. This comprehensive overview will give you a basic understanding of the process and help you succeed in Court if you are self-represented. For more...

Are You a Perfectionist in Your Child Custody Case?

Are You a Perfectionist in Your Child Custody Case? – Episode 218 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Most parents want what is best for their children, although we have different ideas about what is best. Many times in our quest for the perfect outcome for our children, we lose sight of the reality of our situation. We frequently fail to explore acceptable alternatives and to see the positive lessons that we model for our children despite our negative circumstances. For more informati...

Knowledge vs. Wisdom in Child Custody

Knowledge vs. Wisdom in Child Custody – Episode 217 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Attorneys obviously have lots of knowledge of the law, however, that doesn’t necessarily mean they have wisdom. And most people going through a divorce, don’t have the wisdom they would normally have about situations because of the extreme emotions experienced during divorce and child custody issues. It’s important to understand the difference between knowledge and wisdom so you can build your suppo...

Disciplining Your Child Won’t Hurt Your Custody Case

Disciplining Your Child Won’t Hurt Your Custody Case – Episode 216 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Parents frequently ask us about discipline techniques and how they should or should not discipline their children during custody cases. We all secretly want our children to like us better than the other parent and we’re afraid the child will prefer the more permissive parent. Some of these issues depend on the strength of your bond and some depend on the age of the child. In this epis...

Standing Your Ground in Child Custody Cases

Standing Your Ground in Child Custody Cases – Episode 215 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Often in child custody cases, we see one parent who is sick and tired of the other parent’s crap! Can you relate? But being overly inflexible can also increase conflict and cause you to look uncooperative to the Court. So, the secret is to strike a balance between being kind and cooperative while also being able to draw clear healthy boundaries. So, what does that look like in a practical sens...

Start Creating

Start Creating – Episode 214 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Last week, we focused on how to stop negative thoughts. However, once you’ve accomplished stopping the negative thoughts, how do you move forward into creating the life you want? How do you make a permanent shift in your mindset that allows you to build a post-divorce life that you love? What strategies will increase your changes for happiness and success? For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonli...

Stop Imagining

Stop Imagining – Episode 213 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Are you constantly worried about “what if”? What if I lose custody? What if the Court gets it wrong? What if I don’t have enough money to cover my bills? Many divorcing people are plagued by “what if” simply because divorce is such an unknown for most people. And the unknown creates uncertainty and fear. In this episode, we talk about these fears and how you can stop them. For more information, please visit us at www.divo...

Everybody Hates Me

Everybody Hates Me – Episode 212 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Many times people are in a terrible state of mind in the beginning of their divorce or child custody case. That can lead to some equally terrible behavior. If you make this mistake, it can start to feel like everybody hates you, from your ex, to your kids, to the Judge. But do they really or are you just caught in a case with a bad reputation? And either way, how do you turn it around? For more information, please vis...

Every Problem Has a Solution

Every Problem Has a Solution – Episode 211 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In divorce or child custody issues, much of the discussion centers on who is to blame for various problems. To solve problems, we need solutions, not blame. In this episode we talk about how to reframe your thinking into focusing on the problem. By doing this, you can find a solution to most any problem you face. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

Marital Hatred

Marital Hatred – Episode 210 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In this episode, we discuss the concept of “Marital Hatred”, a term coined by a therapist named Terrence Real. According to Real, there is a certain amount of hatred for your spouse that is normal in a marriage. But as many of us have experienced, that hatred can hit a tipping point that ultimately leads to divorce. Then you’re dealing with divorce hatred, which becomes the ultimate slippery slope. For more information, p...

The Divorce Storm

The Divorce Storm – Episode 209 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We weather many “storms” in our life. Sometimes they are physical storms such as natural disasters and sometimes they are emotional storms. In this episode, we draw some parallels between the two and discuss the critical need to make the right decision at various stages. Decisions that, in a natural disaster, can mean life or death and that, in an emotional disaster, can feel like life or death. For more information, p...

Men vs. Women

Men vs. Women – Episode 208 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. As men and women, we come at life from very different perspectives. As we work with divorcing couples, we see recurring parents of conflict that comes during the relationship, at the point of breakup, and especially after the split. And yet, the Court expects us to set aside our feelings and “act like adults”, which means get along. In this episode, we help you view both perspectives, which may help you have a better under...

The Humbling Experience of Raising Children

The Humbling Experience of Raising Children – Episode 207 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When we’re new to parenting we have a vision of the future with our children. But what happens when your vision meets your reality, and they look nothing alike. No one signs up to be a parent half the time. When you are dealing with child custody issues, reality can become further and further from your vision for your children. You aren’t alone. For more information, please visit us at www.div...

Nothing Succeeds Like Success

Nothing Succeeds Like Success – Episode 206 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. A big part of success is momentum. But how do you gain momentum when it feels like life is only handing you lemons?  Of course, you make lemonade. Join us as we discuss “making lemonade” even in the midst of trials like divorce. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

Who Can Do It? Anyone

Who Can Do It? Anyone – Episode 205 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you see other people succeeding, whether in family life, career, or a hobby, it’s easy to think about how lucky that person must be. What we don’t see is all the time, effort and energy that went into their accomplishment for days, months, or even years. The good news is, if you have a dream, you can accomplish even if you’re in the midst of divorce or child custody chaos. For more information, please visit us...

My Child Hates Me

My Child Hates Me – Episode 204 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you’re struggling to maintain a relationship with your child in a co-parenting situation, it’s easy to start claiming parental alienation. But, family systems are much more complex than simply blaming one parent. If you’re alienated or being accused of alienation, this episode will give you insight into the possible reasons why and what you can do to fix it. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniv...

Happiness Makes You a Better Parent

Happiness Makes You a Better Parent – Episode 203 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Happy parents are better parents. Happy parents produce happy children. You owe it to yourself and your children to intentionally cultivate happiness regardless of your present circumstances. So, how can you be happy despite the inherent negativity of divorce and child custody issues? For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

Your Hidden Power

Your Hidden Power – Episode 202 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Your hidden power is something available to everyone and it can be a huge help, not only during divorce but in any life crisis you are experiencing. Listen now as we explore your hidden power and give examples of how you can use it to your advantage. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!

Why Your Children MUST Be in Therapy

Why Your Children MUST Be in Therapy – Episode 201 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Therapy is something we always suggest to divorcing parents for their children. Today, we discuss therapy in the context of the emotional strain on children of transitions and the emotional damage that’s done when one parenting isn’t meeting the needs of the child. And, why the Court is often ill-equipped to recognize these nuances. For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline...

Best Interest of the Child

Best Interest of the Child - Episode 200 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Best interest of the child is one of the most misunderstood concepts in family law. The law varies state to state and Thomas, of course, is only licensed in California. But this concept has many commonalities and in this episode, we’ll help you understand what Best Interest of the Child is and what it isn’t.  For more information, please visit us at www.divorceuniversityonline.com. Thanks for listening!