Divorce University Online
302 episodes - English - Latest episode: 11 days ago - ★★★★★ - 31 ratingsTammy (Child Custody Coach) shares her experience and insights gained from her own divorce and subsequent step family. She also worked alongside her late husband, Attorney Thomas D. Ferreira, for over 15 years as a paralegal and mediator before beginning her child custody coaching practice in 2019. Thomas passed away on May 1, 2023 and Tammy continues to share the wisdom she gained from Thomas through the years as well as her own perspective. Tammy specializes in helping parents who are dealing with co-parents that have high-conflict personality traits such as narcissism, borderline personality disorder and bipolar.
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Episodes
Trust the Process
July 03, 2024 23:54 - 28 minutes - 39 MBTrust the Process – Episode 297 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Trusting the process can be very difficult, especially when you have a negative outcome in your first interaction with the Court. Many times, our own emotional patterns work against us in trusting the process. There are reasons that the Court does things in particular order and in a particular way. Understanding that will help you feel less anxious and more confident in presenting your case. To learn more about how I c...
Expectations vs Reality in Child Custody
June 27, 2024 20:15 - 28 minutes - 39.3 MBExpectations vs Reality in Child Custody – Episode 296 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When we are dealing with child custody issues, we have expectations of our children, our co-parent and most of all the Court. But when our expectations don’t match reality, we end up feeling all kinds of negative emotions like frustration, anxiety, depression, anger, sadness, and the list goes on. Shifting your expectations to more closely match reality will lower stress and frustration around th...
Finding a Narcissist’s Kryptonite
June 18, 2024 22:50 - 27 minutes - 37.5 MBFinding a Narcissist’s Kryptonite – Episode 295 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Dealing with a narcissist is all about regaining the emotional power. There are ways that you can do this, even if it feels impossible. In this episode, I’ll give you my top three tips to accomplish this and one of them you will be able to start immediately! To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a free strategy session at www.divorceuniver...
What You Say vs What You Do
June 11, 2024 16:38 - 27 minutes - 37.2 MBWhat You Say vs What You Do – Episode 294 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Are you consistent? Consistency creates credibility with the Court. Often, we recognize inconsistency in our ex, the Courts, or other professionals but it’s easy to miss your own inconsistent behavior. When the Court feels that your words match your actions, you have a better chance of getting a successful outcome. To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please s...
The Power of Doing Nothing
June 04, 2024 16:42 - 25 minutes - 34.7 MBThe Power of Doing Nothing – Episode 293 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Have you ever heard the analogy of how turning the nose on an airplane, even as little as one degree, before takeoff can land the plan in a completely different destination hundreds of miles away? Well, the same is true in your child custody case. The decisions you make, or avoid making, in the beginning of your case are often the decisions that have the greatest outcome in your case. And if you’re already off...
Early Decisions Are the Most Impactful
May 30, 2024 16:13 - 28 minutes - 38.6 MBEarly Decisions Are the Most Impactful – Episode 292 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Have you ever heard the analogy of how turning the nose on an airplane, even as little as one degree, before takeoff can land the plan in a completely different destination hundreds of miles away? Well, the same is true in your child custody case. The decisions you make, or avoid making, in the beginning of your case are often the decisions that have the greatest outcome in your case. And if you’re...
Your Life is a Story
May 23, 2024 01:34 - 26 minutes - 36.3 MBYour Life is a Story – Episode 291 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We don’t realize on a daily basis that we are writing the words, paragraphs, pages, and chapters of our life story. The struggles and trials become so consuming that we lose sight of the big picture. What lessons are you learning that will strengthen you or create a positive model for your children or build the life of your dreams? We have no idea when the story will end so we have to take personal responsibility fo...
When Child Custody Feels Overwhelming
May 14, 2024 16:53 - 31 minutes - 42.8 MBWhen Child Custody Feels Overwhelming – Episode 290 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The issues in child custody are not great in number, but great in detail. Many small decisions are needed to resolve the overall problems. It’s like being pecked to death by chickens! So, what do you need to focus on and how do you best manage all the tedious details. In this episode, I’ll help you create a strategy to wade through the details with confidence and ease. To learn more about how I can ...
Creating Child Custody Magnets
May 08, 2024 04:33 - 26 minutes - 35.9 MBCreating Child Custody Magnets – Episode 289 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. One of the challenges separating parents face is creating two worlds for their children. Many times, parents feel it’s best to leave the children in the family home and not force them to transition between homes. And if you have teenagers, they can be very resistant to transitions due to their own selfish motives. So, if you’re the parent that leaves the family home, how can you “magnetize” your world to d...
It Won’t Always Be This Way
April 23, 2024 23:12 - 27 minutes - 37.1 MBIt Won’t Always Be This Way – Episode 288 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We tend to feel like our day-to-day life is static and that whatever we are going through will last forever. However, life is contact change. So, if you’re in a rough season or trial, the good news is that it won’t last forever and if you’re in a good season, the lesson is to cherish it because it won’t last forever either. We are approaching the one-year anniversary of losing Thomas and in this episode, I’ll...
Exchanging the Children
April 18, 2024 03:00 - 30 minutes - 42.5 MBExchanging the Children – Episode 287 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Even though exchanges of children generally happen one to three times per week depending on your parenting schedule, we rarely seem to talk about how to have them go smoothly. These exchanges are obviously stressful for divorcing or separating parents but they can be exponentially stressful for the children. In this episode, I’ll give you strategies to help ensure a smoother transition, less stress for you and le...
The Nature of the Narcissist
April 10, 2024 02:38 - 26 minutes - 35.8 MBThe Nature of the Narcissist – Episode 286 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Understanding the nature of the narcissist is one of the keys to managing them effectively. Narcissists do not see the world the same way a non-narcissist sees the world. Our values and morals don’t typically match the values and morals of the narcissist. To win the game, you must understand the rules. To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a fr...
3 Tips for Testifying in Your Child Custody Case
April 05, 2024 20:45 - 27 minutes - 37.9 MB3 Tips for Testifying in Your Child Custody Case – Episode 285 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Giving testimony on the witness stand is one of the most stressful parts of a divorce or child custody case. But there are strategies you can use to help you stay calm and make a good impression on the Court. To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a free strategy session at www.divorceuniversityonline.com/vip-coaching. Thanks...
Change of Circumstances in Child Custody
March 27, 2024 04:14 - 27 minutes - 37.8 MBChange of Circumstances in Child Custody – Episode 284 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. How do you know if your child custody situation has a material or substantial change of circumstances? What are Judges looking for? In this episode, I’ll share some stories on past cases and talk about some of the more common circumstances that Judges tend to see as a substantial change. To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a free ...
Do Judges Understand Narcissism?
March 20, 2024 00:16 - 28 minutes - 39.6 MBDo Judges Understand Narcissism? – Episode 283 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you are dealing with a narcissistic or high conflict ex, it can be frustrating to try and get the Court to understand that your ex is a narcissist. If we could just get the Judge to understand what we’re dealing with, that would solve the problem, right? But, are we even asking the right question to start with? To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, pl...
False Allegations In Child Custody
March 13, 2024 03:58 - 35 minutes - 49.4 MBFalse Allegations In Child Custody – Episode 282 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Many parents deal with false allegations from the other parent. This can come in many forms. Sometimes, it comes through the child, sometimes we are dealing with it in our communication with the other parent, and sometimes, we are dealing with it in the courtroom. No matter what your situation, I’m going to share some tips to help you effectively deal with these false allegations while protecting your ...
Overthinking In Child Custody
March 05, 2024 17:22 - 27 minutes - 38 MBOverthinking In Child Custody - Episode 281 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. If you are an overthinker like me, then you probably analyze everything your co-parent does or says. And you’re always trying to figure out their agenda. Overthinking would seem to give you a logical advantage but in reality, it often results in an emotional disadvantage. So, why do we do it? And can we stop? To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please sched...
Narcissists vs. Empaths
February 28, 2024 23:41 - 27 minutes - 37.3 MBNarcissists vs. Empaths - Episode 280 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. It is very common for a person that is an empath to end up in a relationship with someone with narcissistic qualities. The two people have often experienced similar childhood traumas but the effects of the trauma manifest in completely opposite ways. This is why the push and pull of the relationship tends to continue into coparenting relationships. The only way to break the pattern is to find healing and then beg...
Nesting in Child Custody
February 22, 2024 00:05 - 28 minutes - 38.7 MBNesting in Child Custody - Episode 279 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Nesting is a parenting arrangement where the children remain in the home and the parents rotate in and out. This is an uncommon arrangement and is rarely used by the Court. However, it can be necessary for financial arrangements or when you have an ill or special needs child. In any case, there are things you can do to improve your chance of success and many of the same strategies can be effective in regular par...
What Toddlers and Narcissists Have In Common
February 14, 2024 00:39 - 29 minutes - 40.9 MBWhat Toddlers and Narcissists Have In Common - Episode 278 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Many of the behaviors we experience with our toddlers are reflected in similar behaviors from narcissists. And while we expect bad behavior from our toddler, it’s not so cute once a person reaches adulthood. The good news is that we can learn effective strategies for dealing with a narcissist by looking at parenting techniques we use to handle our toddlers. To learn more about how I can suppo...
Why Narcissists Win In Court
February 07, 2024 17:09 - 32 minutes - 44.5 MBWhy Narcissists Win In Court - Episode 277 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Court can be a scary process when we are afraid that our ex will be able to charm and manipulate to get their way. And the Court does have limited time and resources to try and figure out what is going on in your case. But, there are things you can do to make it easier for the Court to see your ex’s true colors. To learn more about how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please sc...
Have I Screwed Up My Case
January 30, 2024 23:42 - 25 minutes - 35.4 MBHave I Screwed Up My Case - Episode 276 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We are all human. And when you’re going through a divorce or child custody case, you are a human under immense amount of stress. Unfortunately, we sometimes make mistakes that us feel like we’ve screwed up the entire situation and that we will never recover. But the good news is that people love a good redemption story. So, you can totally recover from the situation eventually if you are using the correct strat...
The Calm Before the Child Custody Storm
January 24, 2024 02:29 - 27 minutes - 37.7 MBThe Calm Before the Child Custody Storm - Episode 275 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When dealing with a high-conflict co-parent, we often see cyclical patterns of behavior and emotions. So, when things are really calm or quiet, we are sometimes waiting for the other shoe to drop, so to speak. There are things we can do in the calm that will help prevent the storm, delay the storm, or at the very least, help us successfully weather the storm. To learn more about how I can support ...
Breaking Toxic Patterns in Child Custody
January 17, 2024 01:07 - 33 minutes - 46.3 MBBreaking Toxic Patterns in Child Custody - Episode 274 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. We usually think of toxic patterns in the context of romantic relationships. When a relationship ends and there are children involved, we often see the toxic patterns of behavior continue through the co-parenting. If you weren’t able to break those patterns during the relationship, how can you break them now that trust is at an all-time low? To learn more about how I can support you in achieving ...
Weathering the Seasons of Child Custody
January 10, 2024 00:12 - 29 minutes - 40.1 MBWeathering the Seasons of Child Custody - Episode 273 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When we are struggling in our child custody and co-parenting situation, it often feels like the struggle will go on forever. But the only thing in life that is constant is change. And, like everything else, your child custody and co-parenting is a constantly evolving situation. Want to know what to expect? To find out how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedu...
Breaking Up With Narcissism
January 04, 2024 17:16 - 29 minutes - 41 MBBreaking Up With Narcissism - Episode 272 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When we are in a relationship with a Narcissist, we actually become addicted to this type of toxic relationship. Our body goes through chemical changes that are similar to addicts. In this episode, I’ll talk about how to stop the addictive cycle and break up with narcissism once and for all. To find out how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a free strategy session ...
Does Grey Rocking a Narcissist Really Work?
December 20, 2023 05:32 - 27 minutes - 38.1 MBDoes Grey Rocking a Narcissist Really Work? - Episode 271 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. “Grey Rock” is a common technique for handling a narcissist. This technique has a lot of useful points such as disengaging, minimizing contact, and not reacting. However, the Court wants you to cooperate and support the other parent. So, how do you manage both? How do you have good boundaries that insulate you from narcissistic behaviors while also making your Judge happy? To find out how I ca...
Presenting Evidence in Child Custody Court
December 14, 2023 22:58 - 31 minutes - 42.6 MBPresenting Evidence in Child Custody Court - Episode 270 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. One of the most effective ways to present your evidence in Court is by telling the “story” of your case. Most people mistake this for lots of details and background but as they say, less is more. You have a handful of tools and limited time to help the Judge understand your situation well enough to make a decision. How you choose to use those resources will determine your custody outcome. To fi...
3 Tips for Success in Child Custody Court
December 05, 2023 21:29 - 31 minutes - 43.5 MB3 Tips for Success in Child Custody Court - Episode 269 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Almost everyone is nervous when speaking in Court, even attorneys. Whether you’re representing yourself or you have an attorney, it’s important to take steps to help you feel comfortable in the courtroom and successfully present your information to the Judge. Tune in as I share 3 time-tested strategies anyone can use to help them present confidently in Court. To find out how I can support you in...
What Is Your Biggest Failure?
November 28, 2023 22:58 - 26 minutes - 35.7 MBWhat Is Your Biggest Failure? - Episode 268 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Failures in life happen to everyone and they can teach us some of our greatest life lessons. If you feel like you failed in your relationship, in your co-parenting, or even in your parenting, this episode is for you. Learning to take your failures and turn them to lessons can help you create a greater vision and purpose for your life. Failure is a stepping stone to victory, even in custody. To find out how ...
Narcissists Never Change
November 22, 2023 00:05 - 32 minutes - 45.2 MBNarcissists Never Change – Episode 267 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When we deal with high-conflict personalities, we frequently think that if we choose the right words or the right logic to deal with them that it will change their behavior. Or, we hope that as they mature and learn lessons throughout life that they will become easier to deal with. However, the chances of narcissistic behaviors changing is practically nil and yet we continue to hold on to hope. Join me as I help...
Reducing Conflict With A Narcissist
November 15, 2023 01:05 - 26 minutes - 37 MBReducing Conflict With A Narcissist – Episode 266 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Reducing conflict is difficult to do with a co-parent but it becomes even more difficult when you are dealing with someone who has a high-conflict personality like a narcissist. In this episode, I’m going to share 5 tips that will help you to reduce conflict and increase peace with your narcissistic co-parent. This wisdom came from some writing Thomas had done and I felt compelled to share his wisdom ...
Why Did You Choose A Narcissist?
November 08, 2023 23:27 - 27 minutes - 37.7 MBWhy Did You Choose A Narcissist? – Episode 265 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Understanding why you chose a narcissistic partner is the key to not repeating the mistake! We are often looking to the other person to validate us, to shore up our insecurities or to make us feel better about ourselves. But as the relationship wears on, we often find ourselves with a person who is suddenly feeding every insecurity that we have about ourselves. You must do the work to discover your own c...
When Your Narcissistic Ex Lies In Court
November 01, 2023 15:23 - 26 minutes - 36.7 MBWhen Your Narcissistic Ex Lies In Court – Episode 264 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Lies from the ex is without a doubt the most common complaint we hear from clients during the court process. Why does this happen and is there anything you can do about it? The solutions are often counter intuitive but there are steps you can take to help you rebut the lies. In this episode, I’ll give you five strategies to help combat the narcissists lies. To find out how I can support you in ach...
Understanding Discovery – Interrogatories, Subpoenas, Documents
October 24, 2023 09:30 - 24 minutes - 33.4 MBUnderstanding Discovery – Interrogatories, Subpoenas, Documents – Episode 263 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Discovery is one of the most complex issues to understand in any divorce or child custody case. What is it? How do you respond to it? I’ll help shed some light on this topic so you can understand the basics and navigate how to respond to it. To find out how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a free strategy session at www.divorceu...
An Attorney for the Child in Custody Cases
October 18, 2023 00:33 - 26 minutes - 36.5 MBAn Attorney for the Child in Custody Cases – Episode 262 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. In child custody cases, the child will sometimes be assigned their own attorney. The attorney is called different things in different states but your biggest questions have less to do with the name and more to do with how to deal with this expert in your case. Sometimes, we want to know how to get an attorney assigned to our child or how to why this attorney was assigned to our case. Tune in to...
Defending Yourself Against Your Co-Parent
October 10, 2023 22:11 - 28 minutes - 39.4 MBDefending Yourself Against Your Co-Parent – Episode 261 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Do you live in defense mode and constantly wonder what you’re co-parent is trying to pull next? Or maybe you have constant stress and anxiety from dealing with them. Or you get that knot in the pit of your stomach every time you get a new message from them. And yet, you have to co-parent. In this episode, I’ll help you defend against your co-parent’s attacks and help you achieve inner peace in t...
4 Tips for Negotiating With A Narcissist
October 03, 2023 17:36 - 24 minutes - 33.9 MB4 Tips for Negotiating With A Narcissist – Episode 260 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Negotiating with your ex is always tough but all the more when you are dealing with a high-conflict personality like a narcissist. There are always extra rules of “dos” and “don’ts” in these high conflict situations. Learning the top four will help put you on a path to successful negotiation of your case. After all, there is so much value in being done! To find out how I can support you in achiev...
Child Custody Trials
September 26, 2023 19:25 - 32 minutes - 44.2 MBChild Custody Trials – Episode 259 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Having a court trial on any aspect of your case is stressful but child custody tends to produce lots of anxiety because it impacts your children. This episode is going to give you a big picture view of what to expect from the process. I will also share some resources on where you can find additional information specific to your state/county. We’ll also talk about giving testimony and general guidelines to follow in ...
3 Ways to Get More Parenting Time
September 20, 2023 01:17 - 27 minutes - 38.3 MB3 Ways to Get More Parenting Time – Episode 258 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. If you want to get more parenting time with your kids, you have to start by understanding what the Court wants from you. If you aren’t doing your part, you most likely won’t succeed in getting more time. In this episode, I’ll give you 3 strategies to help increase your chances of getting more parenting time. To find out how I can support you in achieving success in your custody matter, please schedule a...
Your Co-Parenting Campaign Strategy
September 13, 2023 04:54 - 30 minutes - 41.7 MBYour Co-Parenting Campaign Strategy – Episode 257 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. So often we are looking for the one trick or shortcut that will solve our problem. But if life was as easy as one trick or one shortcut, everyone would have success in every aspect of their lives. Each area of your life requires a strategy and disciplined follow through. Are you succeeding in your co-parenting relationship? Maybe you need a new campaign strategy. To find out how I can support you in a...
When You Resent Your Co-Parent
September 06, 2023 04:56 - 30 minutes - 41.6 MBWhen You Resent Your Co-Parent – Episode 256 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Do you feel like you are doing everything to try and help your co-parent in order to make things better for your child? If so, I’m guessing your co-parent isn’t exactly grateful for your help. These types of situations can lead to feelings of resentment, much like they did during the relationship. You do all you can and nothing is good enough. The real question to ask yourself is, are you doing this for yo...
Co-Parenting with a Narcissist is Exhausting
August 30, 2023 09:30 - 28 minutes - 38.8 MBCo-Parenting with a Narcissist is Exhausting – Episode 255 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Is your narcissistic co-parent controlling your life? Do you feel constantly exhausted and emotionally drained? Many parents feel this way when they are dealing with a narcissistic co-parent. It can become all consuming and steal your joy. Join me in this episode to learn what you can do to eliminate the anxiety and stress in your co-parenting relationship. To find out how I can support you i...
9 Rules of the Child Custody Game
August 23, 2023 03:13 - 22 minutes - 31.2 MB9 Rules of the Child Custody Game – Episode 254 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Could you win a game if you didn’t know the rules? Probably not unless it was sheer luck. Yet, people frequently head into child custody court without being educated on how the process works. And while custody isn’t a “game” in the sense of being fun, it is a “game” in that there are rules, and you need an effective strategy. In this episode, I will give you nine rule to help you win the game. To find o...
You Can’t Afford to Screw It Up
August 16, 2023 01:06 - 26 minutes - 36.8 MBYou Can’t Afford to Screw It Up – Episode 253 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When is the best time to have a map? Before you enter the woods. And yet, I am contacted by people every day that have gotten a outcome in Court that they are unhappy with and now want to know how to fix it. In that situation, you’re now fighting an uphill battle. You can accomplish much greater outcomes if you know what to do right from the beginning. But don’t worry, if you have screwed it up, I’ll shar...
Is Your Co-Parenting Causing Stress For Your Child?
August 09, 2023 01:18 - 27 minutes - 37.5 MBIs Your Co-Parenting Causing Stress For Your Child? – Episode 252 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Many times parents unintentionally put their children in the middle in their co-parenting relationship. It’s easy to consider things from your own viewpoint and make parenting decisions that you feel are best for your child. But in co-parenting situations the child’s perspective is an additional viewpoint that must be considered, lest you do things that cause them to be put in the midd...
5 Secrets to Influence Your Judge
August 01, 2023 09:30 - 29 minutes - 40.1 MB5 Secrets to Influence Your Judge – Episode 251 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. Influencing your Judge is one of the most important skills you can learn for your court case. In order to have the strongest influence possible you have to understand how your Judge views the case, what information is important and relevant, and what information is not relevant. Giving your Judge too much information only leaves them frustrated and trying to sort through the volume of facts. In this epi...
The Struggle is Real in Child Custody
July 25, 2023 19:43 - 30 minutes - 41.5 MBThe Struggle is Real in Child Custody – Episode 250 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you are struggle with child custody and co-parenting issues, it can be exhausting. When your children are young and living at home, parenting them is central to your life. So, when this core piece of your life is connected to constant negativity and harassment from your co-parent, it can begin to suck the joy from your life. In this episode, we’ll explore how to overcome the struggle and regain...
Trapping the Narcissist in Child Custody
July 18, 2023 19:09 - 28 minutes - 39.7 MBTrapping the Narcissist in Child Custody – Episode 249 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. The first thing most clients say once they see a court document from their ex is “this is full of lies”. How can you expose the lies without looking like you are crazy or being in attack mode against your ex? If you take head on approach to this situation, it usually backfires. You need to make a “Judo move” to get out of the way and let your narcissist destroy themselves. In this episode, I’ll s...
5 Mistakes that Will Hurt Your Child Custody Case
July 11, 2023 23:28 - 24 minutes - 33.9 MB5 Mistakes that Will Hurt Your Child Custody Case – Episode 248 of the Divorce University Online Podcast. When you make mistakes that hurt your court case, you end up with an uphill battle in trying to recover. The best time to have a map is before you enter the forest. Likewise, the best time to learn how to handle your case is before you actually go to Court. The last thing you want to do is leave your Judge (aka the decision maker in your case) feeling frustrated and angry with you. You o...