Speculative Grammarian Podcast
298 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 7 years ago - ★★★★★ - 11 ratingsSpeculative Grammarian—the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics—is now available as an arbitrarily irregular audio podcast. Our podcast includes readings of articles from our journal, the occasional musical number or dramatical piece, and our talk show, Language Made Difficult. Language Made Difficult is hosted by the SpecGram LingNerds, and features our signature linguistics quiz—Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics—along with some discussion of recent-ish linguistic news and whatever else amuses us. Outtakes are provided.
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Episodes
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIX
October 05, 2012 12:08 - 42 minutes - 39.2 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Madalena Cruz-Ferreira for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss the fact that German speakers can’t say “squirrel” and whether “modulo” is the nerdiest preposition. Finally, they give more Prescriptivist Confessions.
Variation in the English Indefinite Article
September 15, 2012 12:08 - 6 minutes - 6.28 MBVariation in the English Indefinite Article; by Tim Pulju; From Volume XVI, Number 4, of Psammeticus Quarterly, August 1989. — The problem of variation in the English indefinite article between the forms “a” and “an” has long vexed linguists. In his 1933 classic, “Language”, Bloomfield cited this case as an example of free variation at the morphological level, saying, “There seems to be no principled basis for predicting which form occurs in which contexts.” This solution was accepted by the ...
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVIII
September 05, 2012 20:16 - 42 minutes - 38.9 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XVIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Editor Emeritus Tim Pulju for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics; and then he sticks around for the rest of the podcast, again. They also discuss otovermology and whether Burushaski is Indo-European, and interview Tim about his early days with SpecGram.
Hunting the Elusive Labio-Nasal
August 25, 2012 12:08 - 6 minutes - 5.98 MBHunting the Elusive Labio-Nasal; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLI, No 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2006. — The now well-known clicks found in certain African languages must have come as quite a shock to the first European linguists who heard them. Many of the sounds were familiar, of course, but the idea that they could be a component of language had to have been hard to believe. Even now the languages of Africa have secrets to share—note the recent addition of “right hook v”...
The Language of Prehistory
August 15, 2012 12:08 - 8 minutes - 8.12 MBThe Language of Prehistory; by Merritt Greenberg and Joseph Ruhlen; From Volume CLI, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, October 2006. — Sticks and stones may break my bones and words used to hurt a lot, too. (Read by Keith Slater.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVII
August 05, 2012 16:08 - 41 minutes - 38.1 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XVII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Editor Emeritus Tim Pulju for Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics; and then he sticks around for the rest of the podcast. They also discuss aggressiveness in teenage girls caused by the character limitations of social media and the information density of various languages, as well as exploring a number of phonetical things you know that you may not know that you know.
Descriptivism X!
July 25, 2012 12:08 - 5 minutes - 5.22 MBDescriptivism X!; by Ldaxin Kushtaka; From Volume CLX , Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2011. — Most practicing linguists (and even many who have gotten pretty good at it) will declare a philosophical allegiance to descriptivism, while harboring a number of prescriptivist pet peeves. Even the Managing Editor of Speculative Grammarian has admitted “a strangely compelling need to abandon my Descriptivist Idealism in favor of Prescriptivist Tyranny.” (Read by Trey Jones.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XVI
July 15, 2012 12:48 - 39 minutes - 36.1 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XVI — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Scott Yarborough for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss doing NLP “from scratch” and automated news story writing, as well as exploring a number of language-related conspiracy theories.
Noam Chomsky’s Syntactic Structures (Review)
July 05, 2012 12:08 - 1 minute - 1.8 MBNoam Chomsky’s Syntactic Structures (Review); by Robert E. Lee; From Volume XVI, Number 3 of Psammeticus Quarterly, May 1989. — This slim volume, first published in 1957 and occasionally reprinted since then, has attracted surprisingly little attention in linguistic circles. It is unfortunate that this is the case, for in the book Chomsky proposes a truly innovative approach to syntactic problems which have plagued linguists since the days of Bloomfield. (Read by Keith Slater.)
Book Review: Point’s A Grammar of the Lederhosen Tai
July 05, 2012 12:08 - 3 minutes - 3.01 MBBook Review: Point’s A Grammar of the Lederhosen Tai; by Enrich Barbarosa del la Boca, Ph.D; From Volume CLII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2007. — After her landmark lexical study of the Frog-eating Aika in 1999, this year Point has given us another extensive monograph on the Migratory Tribes of Thailand. While other minorities in Thailand are torn between integrating into the larger society and maintaining their unique cultural identities, the so-called Migratory Tribes have ...
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XV
June 26, 2012 12:08 - 45 minutes - 41.3 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Scott Yarborough for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss bio- and linguistic diversity, the likability of simple names, and give high-quality sample answers to common linguistics comprehensive exam questions.
Review of Pulju’s An Optimality-Theoretic Account of the History of Linguistics: Past, Present, Future
June 15, 2012 12:08 - 6 minutes - 5.93 MBReview of Pulju’s An Optimality-Theoretic Account of the History of Linguistics: Past, Present, Future; by TJP, Lecturer in Linguistics and Classics, Dartmouth College; From Volume CLI, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — It is a great sorrow to those of us who remember the glory days of Psammeticus Press—those fabled days when it was the leading linguistics publisher in the world—nay, what is more, in the entire history of the world—it is, I repeat, a great sorrow to us to witn...
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Γ
June 15, 2012 12:08 - 2 minutes - 2.21 MBThe Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Γ; by The SpecGram Council of Sages; From Volume CLXIV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2012. — In this third of three installments, we share with you the proverbial wisdom of ancient sages of philology and linguistics, honed and refined through the ages by the folk wisdom and common sense of the masses. Should you sense a contradiction, recall also that “Proverbs run in pairs.” (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIV
June 05, 2012 12:08 - 36 minutes - 33.7 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by guest Gabe Olsen for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss how our brains make other people less boring, the likability of left-handed- vs right-handed-typed words, and a book about hyperpolyglots.
Is Translation Possible? The Answer Rhymes with Noh
May 20, 2012 12:08 - 4 minutes - 3.91 MBIs Translation Possible? The Answer Rhymes with Noh; by Trent Slater; From Volume CLVIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2010. — While translation studies continues to grow as a field, with benefits being felt not only in applied linguistics but also in the world-at-large, one obvious fact continues to be overlooked. Scholars who pore over the results of the process called “translation” omit to tell their readers of the theoretical questioning of the very object of their study....
Reconstructed Proto-Franco-Sino-Indonesian: Eleven Examples
May 20, 2012 12:07 - 3 minutes - 3.66 MBReconstructed Proto-Franco-Sino-Indonesian: Eleven Examples; by Tim Pulju; From Volume XVI, Number 3, of Psammeticus Quarterly, May, 1989. — In 1986, I published in Psammeticus Quarterly (Vol. XII, No. 4) an article entitled “Similarities in Form and Meaning in French, Chinese, and Indonesian,” which noted several similarities in form and meaning in French, Chinese, and Indonesian, and suggested that someone do further research to determine whether the languages were genetically related. (Rea...
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Β
May 20, 2012 12:06 - 2 minutes - 2.19 MBThe Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Β; by The SpecGram Council of Sages; From Volume CLXIV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2012. — In this second of three installments, we share with you the proverbial wisdom of ancient sages of philology and linguistics, honed and refined through the ages by the folk wisdom and common sense of the masses. Should you sense a contradiction, recall also that “Proverbs run in pairs.” (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XIII
May 10, 2012 12:08 - 35 minutes - 32.9 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by guest Gabe Olsen for some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics. They also discuss chimpanzee gestures and the shutter-upper gun, and indulge in more Prescriptivist Confessions.
The Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Α
April 27, 2012 14:10 - 2 minutes - 2.05 MBThe Collected Wisdom of Linguists, Part Α; by The SpecGram Council of Sages; From Volume CLXIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2012. — In this first of three installments, we share with you the proverbial wisdom of ancient sages of philology and linguistics, honed and refined through the ages by the folk wisdom and common sense of the masses. Should you sense a contradiction, recall also that “Proverbs run in pairs.” (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Spaghetti or Lasagna for Linguists
April 27, 2012 14:10 - 4 minutes - 3.93 MBSpaghetti or Lasagna for Linguists; by The LSA Committee on Comestibles in Linguistics; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011. — In order to understand various types of linguists better, we conducted a controlled experiment. Very simply, we asked each linguist “Do you want spaghetti or lasagna for dinner?” We think the replies we got are instructive, and so we are sharing them with you. (Read by Elliott Hoey.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XII
April 07, 2012 13:06 - 30 minutes - 28.1 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XII — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss goat and other mammalian accents, and liberal vs. conservative linguistics. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics with repeat guest Sheri Wells-Jensen, and have another visit with Mr. Linguist.
Ph.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (2009)
March 20, 2012 14:23 - 1 minute - 1.58 MBPh.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (2009); by Saudade Gezellig; From Collateral Descendant of Lingua Pranca, October 2009. — Historical & Comparative Linguistics ... Computational Syntax ... Sociolinguistic Semantics ... Documentary Linguistics (Read by Trey Jones.)
Ph.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (1978)
March 20, 2012 14:22 - 30 seconds - 600 KBPh.D. Qualifying Examination for Linguistics (1978); by Keith Mountford; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — Historical ... Theoretical (Read by Trey Jones.)
Gavagai with Peppers
March 20, 2012 14:21 - 1 minute - 1.51 MBGavagai with Peppers; by Rob van der Sandt; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005. — Many tasty gavagai recipes were brought from the jungle by linguists and missionaries in the first half of the 20th century. After the publication of Quine’s Word and Object they gained popularity among philosophers, though the book’s underlying idea was soon attacked from linguistic circles. As an unfortunate consequence, gavagai recipes emanating from the Massachusetts Institute of ...
Language Acquisition Device Found
March 20, 2012 14:20 - 2 minutes - 2.85 MBLanguage Acquisition Device Found; by R. Davis; From Volume CLI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — At a recent press conference in Istanbul Prof. I. Jones, chief on-site archeologist at an excavation of an Upper Paleolithic site in central Turkey, made an announcement that stunned the linguistics community: a language acquisition device, or “LAD” has been found. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XI
March 10, 2012 15:40 - 33 minutes - 30.6 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XI — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss how vowels control your brain, and whether toddlers listen to themselves, or are just stupid. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics with guest Sheri Wells-Jensen, and discuss their futurological visions for English.
Feature Girl Episode 1
February 20, 2012 21:11 - 4 minutes - 3.83 MBFeature Girl Episode 1; by Friday Night Linguistics — Linguistic superhero Feature Girl enjoys a night out.
Speech Disorders as Indicators of Potential for Lyrical Success
February 20, 2012 21:10 - 3 minutes - 3.57 MBSpeech Disorders as Indicators of Potential for Lyrical Success; by Ozzie Tchomzkij; From Volume CLI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, April 2006. — In recent decades, there has been a subtle shift in popular music, as the idea that the human voice itself can be considered an instrument, rather than merely a delivery system for lyrics, has gained widespread acceptance among the general public. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Val Harmony
February 10, 2012 13:45 - 2 minutes - 2.23 MBVal Harmony; by Edgar Allan Slater; From Volume XVI, Number 1 of Langue du Monde, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, September 1991. — It was many and many a year ago, In a tower of ivory, That a maiden there lived who I did love, By the name of Val Harmony (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
The Phonetician’s Love Poem
February 10, 2012 13:44 - 47 seconds - 1.22 MBThe Phonetician’s Love Poem; by Epiphanios o Phantasiopliktos; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — Sweet modulations of fundamental frequency / Air particles dancing to and fro (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Love Queries of a Linguist
February 10, 2012 13:43 - 58 seconds - 1.02 MBLove Queries of a Linguist; by John Miaou; From Volume CLVII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, November 2009. — If I were a stop, would you be my explosion? If I were a nasal, would you be my syllabification? (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
My Love is Like a Colorless Green Simile
February 10, 2012 13:42 - 55 seconds - 1.01 MBMy Love is Like a Colorless Green Simile; by Rasmus Burns; From Volume CLXIV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2012. — O my love's like a colorless green simile That's newly sprung from your lips. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
How Do I Love Thee? Let Me Draw a Tree Diagram
February 10, 2012 13:41 - 1 minute - 1.17 MBHow Do I Love Thee? Let Me Draw a Tree Diagram; by Alex Savoy; From Volume CLXI, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, March 2011. — How do I love thee? Let me draw a tree diagram— I was maundering, lonely as a bilabial trill, When I first heard your voice—(some breathy strange tongue) I was love-struck at once—(after all, I was young) (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
Stepfather Goose, or, Just Take a Gander
January 20, 2012 15:12 - 58 seconds - 1.25 MBStepfather Goose, or, Just Take a Gander; by U No Hu (alias Carleton T. Hodge) ; From Lingua Pranca, June 1978. — This little phone had high tone, This little phone had low, This little phone was nasalized, This little phone was not so, ... (Read by Trey Jones.)
The Learner’s Task
January 20, 2012 15:11 - 1 minute - 3.27 MBThe Learner’s Task; by K. Slater; From Volume I, Number 1 of Linguist of Fortune, The Journal of the Linguistic Society of South-Central New Caledonia, November 1990. — Some say it isn’t any fun to imitate another’s tongue; while idioms and turns of phrase can often baffle and amaze the novice who must learn their ways. (Read by Keith Slater.)
Gothic for Travellers
January 20, 2012 15:10 - 1 minute - 1.87 MBGothic for Travellers; by A Judzis, the Visigoth; From Volume CXLVII, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, April 1993.. — Hints for the traveller: The Goths are a very friendly and gregarious people. They will be quick to invite you to their homes for special ceremonies and entertainments. They also have hot tempers, so don't turn down an invitation to go home with a Goth. Good conversation starters are death, torture, eating and drinking. (Read by Daniel Nuance and Trey Jones.)
The Linguistic Rapture
January 11, 2012 18:03 - 1 minute - 2.25 MBThe Linguistic Rapture; by LaTim ElHaye and Leeeerooooy Jiŋkins; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — We have been watching with interest the ongoing debate in Speculative Grammarian over the so-called “ultimate truth” of cosmolinguology. The arguments for and against the various linguistic bangs, crunches, rips, freezes, and bounces have been fascinating, but all are ultimately hollow and meaningless because they are made by theolinguistically uniformed phys...
An Editorial Comment on ElHaye and Jiŋkins
January 11, 2012 18:02 - 1 minute - 1.72 MBAn Editorial Comment on ElHaye and Jiŋkins; by Butch McBastard and Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLXI, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, February 2011. — We, too, have been “watching with interest” the “ongoing” cosmolinguological “debate” among several well-known and well-respected physolinguists. As supporters of free speech and vigorous debate, the editors of Speculative Grammarian encourage and support the energetic exchange of ideas, even when those ideas are tripe. Thus, we felt ...
The Linguistic Doomsday
January 11, 2012 18:01 - 1 minute - 1.97 MBThe Linguistic Doomsday; by Dr. X. Nibiru; From Volume CLX, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, January 2011. — While the parallels between physics and linguistics, between the physical universe and the linguoverse, are useful as a metaphorical lens through which to contemplate the role and fate of language, the parallels are far from complete. Unlike the physical universe, which is cold and at best apathetic toward the fate of humans, the linguoverse is warm and alive and intimately linked t...
The Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse
January 11, 2012 18:00 - 3 minutes - 3.44 MBThe Linguistic Singularity and the Linguistic Multiverse; by Mikio Chachu; From Volume CLX, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, December 2010. — The tripe piles higher and deeper in the pages of SpecGram, a journal I once respected, as so-called “linguophysicists” barely worthy enough to utter the name of our noble profession spew out wholly inappropriate and wildly unsupported theories of Big Linguistic Crunches, Rips, Freezes, and Bounces. While the immature pretenders to cosmolinguistics p...
Language Made Difficult, Vol. X
December 21, 2011 00:03 - 37 minutes - 34.3 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. X — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss Danish and its vowels, and Proto-Ape-Wave. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and confess their prescriptive tendencies.
The Linguistic Big Bounce
December 11, 2011 20:13 - 2 minutes - 2.11 MBThe Linguistic Big Bounce; by Dyman Freeson; From Volume CLX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, November 2010. — I have watched with horror over the last several issues as the wrong-headed, ill-conceived, tripe-laden discussion of the ultimate fate of the linguoverse has unfolded in the pages of this once proud journal. Block’s Linguistic Big Crunch, Saygone’s Linguistic Big Rip, Tipler and Barrow’s Linguistic Big Freeze—all are once-enlightening but no-longer–enlightened models of our ling...
The Linguistic Big Freeze
December 11, 2011 20:12 - 1 minute - 1.81 MBThe Linguistic Big Freeze; by John Tipler and Frank J. Barrow; From Volume CLIX, Number 4 of Speculative Grammarian, September 2010. — It is with some disappointment that we feel obligated to submit this article to the previously respectable Speculative Grammarian, which has now been demoted to the position of Purveyor of Meta-Tripe. (Read by Serena Nuance.)
The Linguistic Big Rip
December 11, 2011 20:11 - 2 minutes - 2.1 MBThe Linguistic Big Rip; by Charlie Saygone; From Volume CLIX, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2010. — In the June 2010 issue, Block claims that there is an impending “Linguistic Big Crunch.” I am appalled that SpecGram would allow such tripe to be published. (Read by David J. Peterson.)
The Linguistic Big Crunch
December 11, 2011 20:10 - 3 minutes - 3.57 MBThe Linguistic Big Crunch; by M. Adam Block; From Volume CLIX, Number 2 of Speculative Grammarian, June 2010. — In my role as Physologist at the High-Energy Pronoun Accelerator, I have been charged with the complex task of determining the physical laws of language. Throughout my long and distinguished career these first three days on the job, I have come to a startling conclusion: the universe of language as we know it will ultimately and spectacularly conclude in a Linguistic Big Crunch. (Re...
Language Made Difficult, Vol. IX
November 20, 2011 14:00 - 27 minutes - 24.8 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. IX — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss parrot naming practices and "discuss" the "loss" of "cursive" "handwriting". They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and Ask Mr Linguist about the legitimacy of the word "funner".
In space no one can hear you scream
November 10, 2011 13:00 - 52 seconds - 1.17 MBIn space no one can hear you scream; by Keith W. Slater; From Volume CXLVIII, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, February 1998. — I opened my ears and the stars came down / speakers of languages I once called exotic / but now call data (Read by Keith Slater.)
Je suis /hoze/
November 10, 2011 13:00 - 3 minutes - 3.21 MBJe suis /hoze/; by Chesterton Wilburfors Gilchrist, Jr.; From Volume CLVII, Number 1 of Speculative Grammarian, August 2009. — Once again I am compelled to relate the tale of graduate students who have displayed shocking behaviour in the pursuit of linguistic analysis. I have written previously of some students who left me flabbergasted after proposing an analysis of Spanish "hola" as an inflection of a back-formed infinitive "holar", meaning “to be greeted”. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Language Made Difficult, Vol. VIII
October 20, 2011 12:00 - 24 minutes - 22.6 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. VIII — The SpecGram LingNerds discuss the "oldest" words in English and whether kids really are better than adults at learning languages. They also investigate more Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, and Ask Mr Linguist about a mythical beast called the "thesaurus".
A New Mechanism For Contact-Induced Change
October 11, 2011 18:35 - 12 minutes - 11.2 MBA New Mechanism For Contact-Induced Change; by H.D. Onesimus; From Volume CL, Number 3 of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005. — Modern contact linguistics has demonstrated an impressive ability to account for language change and the emergence of new languages with a remarkably small number of mechanisms: bilingualism, creolization, borrowing, and convergence (also known as “smart drift”). (Read by Keith Slater.)