Speculative Grammarian Podcast
298 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 7 years ago - ★★★★★ - 11 ratingsSpeculative Grammarian—the premier scholarly journal featuring research in the neglected field of satirical linguistics—is now available as an arbitrarily irregular audio podcast. Our podcast includes readings of articles from our journal, the occasional musical number or dramatical piece, and our talk show, Language Made Difficult. Language Made Difficult is hosted by the SpecGram LingNerds, and features our signature linguistics quiz—Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics—along with some discussion of recent-ish linguistic news and whatever else amuses us. Outtakes are provided.
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Episodes
Dialect Continuum Language Studies
July 25, 2014 12:08 - 4 minutes - 4.39 MBDialect Continuum Language Studies; by Psammeticus Institute; From Volume CLIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2007 — Psammeticus Institute—the Language Education branch of linguistics publishing powerhouse Psammeticus Press—allows you to harness the amazing transformative power of dialect continua in your own personal language learning. By attending a Dialect Continuum Language Studies course, you can slowly but surely transform the language you speak into the language you wa...
The Symptoms and Warning Signs of Framework Psychosis
July 18, 2014 12:08 - 3 minutes - 3.3 MBThe Symptoms and Warning Signs of Framework Psychosis; by Dr. Pill, M.D.; From Volume CLV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2008 — Framework Psychosis, a new and dangerous affliction sweeping through academia like wildfire, is the unhealthy (and unfounded) belief that one’s framework, whatever it may be, is the one true framework. As a public service, I have written up a set of guidelines that will allow concerned individuals to identify those suffering from Framework Psychosis. ...
Degenerative Grammar—Our Current State of Linguistic Degradation
July 04, 2014 19:00 - 4 minutes - 4.14 MBDegenerative Grammar—Our Current State of Linguistic Degradation; by D. T. R. O’Rait, D. Bauch, and Wayne N. DeKay; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — Since the 1950s, linguistics has been wild with excitement over Chomsky’s insights, collectively known as “generative grammar.” As all non-linguists know, however, grammar as speakers encounter it in daily life is actually degenerative. (Read by Peter Carrillo.)
On Linguistic Death Cults
June 27, 2014 16:12 - 2 minutes - 2.58 MBOn Linguistic Death Cults; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2011 — For those not familiar with the casting of pods in which some of the editors of SpecGram engage, I feel obligated to comment on a story we recently discussed, in which it was reported that the last two speakers of Ayapaneco refuse to talk to each other (“Language at risk of dying out—the last two speakers aren’t talking” by Jo Tuckman, The Guardian, April 14, 2011). This...
The No. 1 Linguists’ Detective Agency
June 20, 2014 12:08 - 8 minutes - 8.14 MBThe No. 1 Linguists’ Detective Agency; by Keith W. Slater; From Volume CLXIV, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, February 2012 — M̥ma Makutsi had just poured the tea. Red bush tea for M̥ma Ramotswe, and ordinary tea for M̥ma Makutsi, who preferred ordinary tea and had told M̥ma Ramotswe so, though not until after a long period of uneasiness and indecision. That had been in the early days of the Agency, before M̥ma Makutsi had become an Assistant Detective and had become engaged to the morph...
University Sues Self for Plagiarism
June 13, 2014 12:08 - 2 minutes - 2.31 MBUniversity Sues Self for Plagiarism; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — The University of Texas at Austin has filed suit against itself for theft of intellectual property. A countersuit, also by the University against itself, demands recompense for emotional damages. The University expects a net windfall of at least $12 million from these lawsuits. (Read by Trey Jones.)
Compound Nouns for Frances
June 06, 2014 12:08 - 3 minutes - 3.27 MBCompound Nouns for Frances; by Keith Slater and Kean Kaufmann; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — Frances and her baby sister Gloria were playing dodge ball in their front yard when Albert came along. Albert was pulling a toy wagon with a large picnic hamper in it. (Read by Keith Slater.)
Speculative Grammarian—Our Story
May 30, 2014 12:38 - 1 minute - 1.74 MBSpeculative Grammarian—Our Story; by Trey Jones; From the Speculative Grammarian “About Us” web page — The august journal Speculative Grammarian has a long, rich, and varied history, weaving an intricate and subtle tapestry from disparate strands of linguistics, philology, history, politics, science, technology, botany, pharmacokinetics, computer science, the mathematics of humor, basket weaving, archery, glass blowing, roller coaster design, and bowling, among numerous other, less obvious fi...
The Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Arika Okrent
May 23, 2014 12:09 - 4 minutes - 4.15 MBThe Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Arika Okrent — My guest today is Arika Okrent, linguist, author of In the Land of Invented Languages, fan of conlangs and, I think, conlangers, speaker of Klingon and Hungarian, signer of ASL, and contributor to Mental Floss and Slate’s Lexicon Valley, where she writes about conlangs, ASL, old fonts, and even makes a decent case for the use of “I could care less”.
The Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Philip Resnik
May 23, 2014 12:08 - 3 minutes - 2.79 MBThe Patented SpecGram 5 Minute Interview: Philip Resnik — My guest today is Philip Resnik, a professor at the University of Maryland, with joint appointments in the Department of Linguistics and at the Institute for Advanced Computer Studies. Phillip is the director of the University of Maryland Computational Linguistics and Information Processing Laboratory, and a researcher and consultant with extensive experience in natural language processing and text analytics, specializing in combining ...
Grrr!
May 16, 2014 12:12 - 45 seconds - 3.17 MB VideoGrrr!; by Trey Jones—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
I Study Linguistics
May 16, 2014 12:11 - 56 seconds - 3.77 MB VideoI Study Linguistics; by Vince Wilson—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
We Didn’t Start the Satire
May 16, 2014 12:10 - 1 minute - 8.87 MB VideoWe Didn’t Start the Satire; by Audie O. & Hannah Graham—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
Studying Abroad
May 16, 2014 12:09 - 1 minute - 6.77 MB VideoStudying Abroad; by Tuuli Mustasydän—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
Rasmus McRask of the Clan McRask
May 16, 2014 12:08 - 34 seconds - 1.99 MB VideoRasmus McRask of the Clan McRask; by Rasmus McRask—from The Speculative Grammarian Essential Guide to Linguistics Video Contest
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIV
May 02, 2014 12:08 - 55 minutes - 50.9 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIV — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by once again by returning guest Devan Steiner. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss whether or not all the forms of "to be" in Indo-European languages are derived from Arabic roots (hint: they're not!), and take on Comprehensive Exam Questions in computational linguistics, pidgins, phonology, and more.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIII
April 25, 2014 12:08 - 46 minutes - 42.9 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XXXIII — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined by returning guest Devan Steiner. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss how physicists rediscovered glottochronology and have used it to date the Iliad less accurately than philologists already had, and in the spirit of such cross-disciplinary enterprise, they offer a helping linguistic hand to other fields, like math, biology, astronomy, and chemistry.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXII
April 18, 2014 12:08 - 1 hour - 57.1 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XXXII — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone again in this episode. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss their prescriptive confessions, whether science is generally screwed, and whether linguistics is a science and thus also screwed.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXXI
April 11, 2014 12:08 - 49 minutes - 45 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XXXI — The SpecGram LingNerds go it alone in this episode. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss word aversion and random interesting linguisticky factoids.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXX
April 04, 2014 12:08 - 34 minutes - 31.8 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XXX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined yet again by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a prescriptive terrorist, and our favorite SpecGram articles.
Language Made Difficult, Vol. XXIX
March 28, 2014 12:08 - 54 minutes - 49.7 MBLanguage Made Difficult, Vol. XXIX — The SpecGram LingNerds are joined again by Madalena Cruz-Ferreira. After some Lies, Damned Lies, and Linguistics, the LingNerds discuss a proposal for a new character for "the", and reflect on the coolest features English could have.
Remembering Better Times
March 21, 2014 12:08 - 2 minutes - 2.4 MBRemembering Better Times; by Herbert Theodore Howlingstonshire, XII; From Volume CLXIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2012 — It wasn’t long ago that the editors and staff of Speculative Grammarian could be found enjoying a snifter of brandy and a fine cigar in the Henry Suite of the Pāṇini Memorial Hall and Arcade in genial collegiality (or collegial geniality). Back in those days, we would gather together and pass the stogie and snifter around and chat about the golden days o...
SpecGram Suzie!
March 14, 2014 12:08 - 3 minutes - 2.91 MBSpecGram Suzie!; by Psammeticus Entertainment; From Volume CLIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2008 — Psammeticus Entertainment proudly presents... SpecGram Suzie! (Read by Trey Jones and Sheri Wells-Jensen.)
Frog and Toad Teach Linguistics
March 07, 2014 13:08 - 2 minutes - 2.07 MBFrog and Toad Teach Linguistics; by Keith Slater and illustrated by Kean Kaufmann; From Volume CLXIII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2011 — Frog was sitting in his office. He looked at his watch. He saw that it was 10:00. “This is a fine time for a morning coffee,” said Frog. “I will invite Toad to join me in the faculty lounge.” (Read by Keith Slater.)
Kill All Phoneticians
February 28, 2014 13:08 - 1 minute - 2.27 MBKill All Phoneticians; by Die Lingulelen; From Volume CLXIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2014 — The taste of love is sweet / When two syntacticians meet / But can our love survive / If we don’t agree how to derive? (Performed by Die Lingulelen.)
Riches of Embarrassment
February 21, 2014 13:08 - 2 minutes - 2.17 MBRiches of Embarrassment; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXVII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2013 — Every young, eagerly partying Facebook user has, at some point, woken up one morning to discover that they have posted online an ill-conceived and spectacularly embarrassing series of photos, drunken rantings, or worse. What, you may ask, would be the analog for a staid and proper philologist of the early 15th century? (Read by Trey Jones.)
The I in Team
February 14, 2014 13:08 - 3 minutes - 2.95 MBThe I in Team; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXVI, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 2013 — The writers of business books, corporate cheerleaders in HR, and other reprobates like to say that “There is no I in team,” meaning, of course, that every team member should put aside their own ego and pull for the common good. It’s a lovely sentiment—if you prefer your sentiments with a healthy dose of treacle—but it is, among many other unpleasant characteristics, ambiguous. (Read by ...
To the Computational Linguists
February 07, 2014 16:11 - 2 minutes - 2.39 MBTo the Computational Linguists; by The Managing Editor; From Volume CLXV, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2012 — First, why isn’t there more Computational Philology out there? Okay, I know no one is going to actually answer that, and most computational linguists don’t even know that Computational Philology exists. Kids these days—no respect for their elders, and no knowledge of the classics! (Read by Trey Jones.)
Linguistic Cocktails
January 31, 2014 13:08 - 6 minutes - 6.55 MBLinguistic Cocktails; by The SpecGram Mixologists; From Volume CLX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2010 — Interest in cocktails has had a resurgence lately, with people trying new combinations and reviving forgotten blends. We shouldn’t forget the long history the grand subfield of Mixological Linguistics has. Here is a mix of old favorites and new delights. (Read by Trey Jones.)
The Assumption of Slang
January 24, 2014 13:08 - 4 minutes - 4.13 MBThe Assumption of Slang; by Jonathan “Ði ’Phone” van der Meer; From Volume CL, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, October 2005 — It will come as no surprise to anyone to hear that cliquish groups—such as gangs, glee clubs, and various academic fields—seek group-defining language to set themselves apart from the rabble. The motivation, however, is so strong that these groups will manufacture such language if none exists, and will retro-fit existing language (eg, fat → phat) or even mistakes ...
Public Service Announcement from The Ministry of Silly Sounds
January 17, 2014 13:08 - 4 minutes - 4.21 MBPublic Service Announcement; by The Ministry of Silly Sounds; From Volume CLXVI, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, November 2012 — The Ministry of Silly Sounds wishes to inform the public that the following sounds have been collaboratively developed in EU laboratories or successfully replicated from aberrant non-major languages. All of them will soon be released to the public and thus become available for borrowing or wholesale phonological restructuring projects. As some sounds may have d...
An Apology to Mathematicians
January 10, 2014 13:08 - 2 minutes - 2.13 MBAn Apology to Mathematicians; by Yahya Abdal-Aziz; From Volume CLVII, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2009 — It has been brought to our attention that the ‘Lettres to the Editour’ in the special “Canada Day” edition of SpecGram, Vol CLI, No 3, is an imperfect translation of the ‘Letters to the Editor’ to be found (cunningly!) on the same page. (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)
The Hidden Language of Public Seduction—An Anthropological Linguistic Study of Spanyol
December 27, 2013 13:08 - 10 minutes - 9.92 MBThe Hidden Language of Public Seduction—An Anthropological Linguistic Study of Spanyol; by Claude Searsplainpockets; From Volume CLIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2007 — Earlier this year, in preparation for fieldwork in Mozambique, Chad, and Japan, I decided to review some Spanish-language pedagogical audio materials. As I was listening intently and re-acquainting myself with this beautiful language, I was quite surprised to hear many seemingly innocuous phrases presented...
The Original English Movement
December 20, 2013 13:08 - 2 minutes - 2.23 MBThe Original English Movement; Announcement; From Volume CXLIX, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2004 — For decades descriptive linguists and professional prescriptivists—technical writers, editors, and English teachers—have been at war. As most linguists know all too well, the prescriptivists say that descriptivism is at best a weak philosophy of usage, and at worst an invitation to grammatical chaos. However, too many prescriptivists maintain what is, to descriptivists, an illogica...
Review of “The Semantics and Pragmatics of Voice Systems: A Functional Analysis”, by Carrie Cameron
December 16, 2013 12:07 - 3 minutes - 2.97 MBReview of “The Semantics and Pragmatics of Voice Systems: A Functional Analysis”, by Carrie Cameron; by Zoltan Lazar; From Volume I, Number 2, of Babel, April 1990 (Read by Keith Slater.)
A Review of Wailin’ Jennings’ “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linguists”
December 13, 2013 13:08 - 1 minute - 1.67 MBA Review of Wailin’ Jennings’ “Mommas Don’t Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be Linguists”; by Praenomen Gentilicium Cognomen, Esq.; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — Well-known kʌn.trɪ.n.wɛs.tʌrn star Wailin’ Jennings—son of famed rhotacism and blues crooner Moanin’ Jennings and grandson of beloved buggie-wuggie icon Hollerin’ Jennings—has released a groundbreaking new album. (Read by Trey Jones.)
People with Lack of Original Research Ideas (PLORI)
December 09, 2013 13:08 - 2 minutes - 2.82 MBPeople with Lack of Original Research Ideas (PLORI); Advertisement; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, December 2013 — People with Lack of Original Research Ideas in Linguistics (PLORI), is a national support group for postgraduates and early-career researchers in the broad field of linguistics who are affected by the negative psychosocial, physical and academoprospective effects of Lack of Original Research Syndrome (LOR-Syndrome). (Read by Tuuli Mustasydän.)
Recision and Precall—Accuracy Measures for the 21st Century
December 02, 2013 12:07 - 4 minutes - 4.66 MBRecision and Precall—Accuracy Measures for the 21st Century; by Jonathan van der Meer; From Volume CLII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2007 — Thanks to a decades-long case of physics envy and the advent of cheap computational power, linguistics has devolved from a cultured gentlemen’s pseudo-science into a debased money-grubbing quasi-science. (Read by Jonathan van der Meer.)
On Saving Endangered Languages as Part of Doing Doctoral Research
November 25, 2013 13:08 - 2 minutes - 2.17 MBOn Saving Endangered Languages as Part of Doing Doctoral Research; by Albertrinette Q. Yue-Ramirez; From Volume CLXIV, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, June 2012 — Searching for a dissertation topic gives one an abundance of time for introspection. And watching old TV programs. Personally, I get my jollies through archived episodes of The Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island, and Hogan’s Heroes. Those were great shows, let me tell you. Can’t get enough of them! (Read by Zac Smith.)
Ozymandian semicolon.. lying in the sand.. An Ode to the Two-Dot Ellipsis..
November 22, 2013 13:09 - 1 minute - 1.58 MBOzymandian semicolon.. lying in the sand.. An Ode to the Two-Dot Ellipsis..; by J.. K.. Eats..; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — Thou still incomplete bride of punctuation.. (Read by Trey Jones.)
The Traditional Grammarian as Poet
November 22, 2013 13:08 - 19 seconds - 566 KBThe Traditional Grammarian as Poet; by Ted Hipple; From Volume CLXVIII, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, September 2013 (Read by Trey Jones.)
Paramount Seeks To Leverage Linguistic Capital
November 15, 2013 13:08 - 1 minute - 1.77 MBParamount Seeks To Leverage Linguistic Capital; by SpecGram Wire Services; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005 — Attempting to leverage the success of its Klingon monopoly, Star Trek owner Paramount Pictures has been making aggressive advances on the world’s minority languages. Offers for majority ownership of such diverse languages as Eastern Yugur, Basque, and Mofu are reported by knowledgeable sources as running well into the tens of millions of US dollars. (Read...
Language Death by Speaker Rejection—More Case Studies
November 12, 2013 13:08 - 4 minutes - 4.18 MBLanguage Death by Speaker Rejection—More Case Studies; by William Carlos Williams Carloses Williamses; From Volume CLXV, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, August 2012 — In a previous article I introduced a new mechanism of language death: that by which languages actively reject their speakers, rather than the other way around. I have discovered a number of additional examples of this phenomenon, and I summarize them here. (Read by Trey Jones.)
On Some Acoustic Correlates of Isoglossy
November 08, 2013 13:08 - 4 minutes - 4.31 MBOn Some Acoustic Correlates of Isoglossy; by Robert L. Rankin; From Lingua Pranca, June, 1978 — At the very end of Anton Chekhov’s play The Cherry Orchard there is a reference to a peculiar sound. (Read by Cathal Peelo.)
Language Death by Speaker Rejection—A Few Case Studies
November 05, 2013 13:08 - 5 minutes - 4.82 MBLanguage Death by Speaker Rejection—A Few Case Studies; by William Carlos Williams Carloses Williamses; From Volume CLXV, (165) Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2012 — Much recent work has focused on the death of languages worldwide. Such sad events are almost invariably attributed to a conscious decision by the speaking population to reject their language in favor of some more prestigious tongue, often in pursuit of the opportunities for education and economic advancement that the p...
The European Dialects of Cheese
October 29, 2013 12:08 - 4 minutes - 4.52 MBThe European Dialects of Cheese; reviewed by Ms Carpone; From Volume CL, Number 3, of Speculative Grammarian, July 2005 — This comprehensive study of European Cheese dialects contains chapters on historical reconstruction, olfactory linguistics, politics, dialectology and geography. The authors carried out extensive field and cellar research, investigating far flung Swiss cottages, Welsh valleys and French chateaux to collect the necessary data to compile this encyclopaedic tome. (Read by Kei...
Tridekavalent Verbs of Telenovelity in Mydlováskji
October 25, 2013 12:08 - 3 minutes - 3.95 MBTridekavalent Verbs of Telenovelity in Mydlováskji; by Śūnyatā Qoɣusun; From Volume CLIX, Number 1, of Speculative Grammarian, May 2010 — This summer I set out to do some introductory fieldwork on an endangered minority language in Mexico of possibly Slavic origin, called Mydlováskji by its speakers, and referred to as simply “lengua eslávica”, “Slavic language” or “lengua Ruski”, “Russian language”, by the local Spanish-speaking majority population. My efforts were thwarted by the fact that ...
The Original Language of Winnie-the-Pooh
October 18, 2013 12:08 - 9 minutes - 8.71 MBThe Original Language of Winnie-the-Pooh; by Aureliano Buendía; From Volume CXLVIII, Number 4, of Speculative Grammarian, March 1998 — The text known in English as “Winnie-the-Pooh” occurs in dozens of different languages. Scholars have long debated the question of what was the original language of composition. One of the most popular hypotheses has been that the original text was written in English. The present paper will use textual evidence to demonstrate the impossibility of that hypothes...
Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary
October 16, 2013 12:08 - 2 minutes - 2.49 MBDavie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary; Advertisement; From Volume CLXVI, Number 2, of Speculative Grammarian, January 2013 — Davie Dunnit’s Disparaging Dictionary — Practical Prescriptivism at its Finest! (Read by Trey Jones.)
Dates in the Month of May that Are of Interest to Linguists
October 11, 2013 12:08 - 3 minutes - 3.57 MBDates in the Month of May that Are of Interest to Linguists; by James D. McCawley; From Lingua Pranca, An Anthology of Linguistic Humor, June, 1978 — May, the month in which Goodspeed day is celebrated, by recently established tradition, can be seen from the following to be a linguistically auspicious month. (Read by Brianne Hughes.)