How to deal with overwhelm #25

How to deal with overwhelm #25 by Aren Deu

Tagline: "Overwhelm was the main driver behind my anxiety"

Overwhelm, whether it comes through your to-do list, your emotions or thoughts is something that can cripple you. It can cause undue stress that has negative connotations on your life. For me dealing with overwhelm has been an uphill struggle personally for years, but through self development and working on myself I have found ways to combat it, reduce it or at the very least recognise why it appears.

It is something that affects, children, teenagers, women, men and even the elderly but the positive thing about it, is that it can be managed. I hope these tips and tricks and me sharing my own vulnerabilities with overwhelm encourage you to never shy from your weaknesses and to express them, share them and then tackle them to grow.

I hope you all have an amazing day and get in touch via any of the social media handles below and let's connect and continue this movement.

P.s. remember any new reviews on iTunes, just send me a screenshot either on twitter, instagram or to my email and ill send you the diet and gym plan as promised. It will likely be a 7-day window due to the volume of listeners.

Thanks for listening

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[Music]

welcome to an episode of find your voice

a movement led by yours truly

Aren Deu a guy who has overcome

crippling anxiety adversity and

difficulty like so many of you in life

whose main goal now is to help you

combat your excuses take control of your

life write your own story and most

importantly find your voice so now

without further ado I welcome the host

of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's

going on people thank you for tuning in

to another episode of find your voice my

name is Aren and as always I am the

host of the show so recently I've been

getting quite a few requests to discuss

this topic that I'm gonna be speaking to

you about today overwhelmed because I

suppose when you see people on Instagram

and they're doing weird and wonderful

things almost 24 hours a day you you

start to think how on earth are they

managing to keep that going now again

I've spoken about all this previously in

relation to Instagram or Facebook being

a kind of highlight reel so don't always

take everything on 100% face value the

likelihood is there are also some bad

moments and a lot of failures along the

way and one of my failures I suppose or

should I call it learning experiences

was my anxiety and as many of you now

know because the intro reminds us every

single time in Zayat it was something

that really did cripple me for the best

part of theyi

odd years and it's not something that I

could say I've actually completely got

rid of so one of the key drivers behind

my anxiety was definitely overwhelm and

it was something that when it happened

it would come from Norway and it would

consume me in that moment and almost

paralyzed me into doing anything now

obviously through learning and working

on a lot of self-development

I'm able to now kind of at least

mitigate the impact of it but also just

try and have a few hacks that will

basically make me at least seem like a

normal functioning human afterwards so I

think it's important that obviously I'd

give you some of the causes as to why

some of us may feel overwhelmed but more

importantly just before I begin what I

want to do is just put my cards on the

table be

some of you out there might be a bit

embarrassed to speak about the things

that you're overwhelmed about so I

figured if I kind of embarrass myself

right here right now on this podcast and

then hopefully as a resort that you

won't feel as embarrassed or as shy to

share your views as well because I do

believe that sometimes when we share our

anxieties especially with the people

close to us they become more sympathetic

and they become more understanding of

our situations so one of the things that

I used to get anxious about was not

responding to messages quick enough now

this could be a text message it could be

a whatsapp or it could be an email the

level of anxiety when I send my phone

bleep and if in that moment I couldn't

respond because I was eating or I was

watching something with the missus or

whatever it was it would almost consume

me and make me very anxious especially

when I used to drive as well it's the

worst thing in the world when you hear

your text go off in the car and you're

thinking shit I need to respond

especially as an anxious wreck like

myself the second one was being late and

I remember this even as a young kid

where my auntie used to take me and my

cousin sister to school and she'd always

be late and I would be standing there

with my bags ready for school almost

getting into this unbelievable

uncontrollable mess and I'll be

stressing in case I've got told up by

the teacher he would then tell my

parents and then I get in trouble from

them so I used to have all these

scenarios player in my head and as far

as I could remember I don't think I ever

actually got in trouble but yeah belay

is it's one of the things that I really

struggle with and it's probably why one

of my pet peeves is people actually

being late the third one was my

anticipation of dogs so growing up I had

a massive fear of dogs having been

chased by one on a holiday in Canada so

I would almost make up this scenario

that every house I was gonna go and

visit or every house that I would cross

or watch me I would turn down they would

just randomly be a dog there and then

that would obviously cripple me and make

me feel like a nervous wreck to be

understand and elevate my heart rate it

made me sweaty for no reason and it

would just make that day unbearable at

least until I realized that most of the

houses I went to never had dogs and then

the final one was always just being

anxious for no apparent reason I would

wake up I'd be in an absolutely funk

I'd be feeling overwhelmed by stuff and

it was just so difficult to really

understand why I was feeling this way so

that's me

that's my cards on the table hopefully

that makes you feel a little bit better

because I can't imagine you having

anything as embarrassing as that so to

move this forward what I want to do in

this episode is to give you guys tips I

want to give you guys tips that I use

personally and tips from other experts

as well in the world to basically make

sure that you're not consuming yourself

and wasting energy on stuff that doesn't

want matter but to stops you from doing

the things that you need to be doing to

make yourself happy and fulfilled so

let's begin by thinking of the common

causes behind overwhelm and stress I

think the first one is expectation and

this is probably one of the main

number-one sources for stress and

overwhelm across the world if I'm

completely honest with you it's trying

to satisfy the expectation that we place

unnecessarily not just on ourselves but

also on others as well so sometimes

we're expecting people to idea to our

way and that's not always the case but

sometimes we also expect too much of

ourselves as well so number one is

expectation moving on to number two is

when you take on too much now if you're

anything like me and you follow me on

Instagram or through my social media

activities I'm trying to do a bit of

everything and there are times when

everything's going fine but then there

are also times when I'd do burnout and I

do still struggle with overwhelm I'm

here trying to make a social enterprise

for mental health I'm working on my

podcast I'm working on my personal brand

I'm working with clients I do a little

bit of personal training here and there

I try and work out myself I have a

property business as well and so much

more so it can become daunting

especially when you have friends and

family and just other things that you

want to be doing on a daily basis so

that's something that I would certainly

make sure that you're not trying to take

on too much and you're not trying to

solve all the world problems all at once

another one little bit similar to

expectations but it's about putting

pressure on yourself and if you're

anything like me I always kind of had

this voice in my head and he just kind

of highlights all of the things that I

do

wrong in fact that's pretty much all it

was doing at one point in time so if I

wasn't eating well enough if I wasn't

working out well enough or if I wasn't

working as hard as I should have on that

day

I would almost be lit on myself and my

self-worth and my value would almost

decrease day by day and what I realized

was that I was just trying my best as we

were love you all kind of go through

life and we try our best with whatever

resources we have available but in that

moment I could be working absolutely

fine for six days 16 hours a day and

then if I choose to have a day off I was

putting this pressure on myself that one

I needed to get to my goals a lot

quicker and to that I just wasn't worthy

of that time off and boy was that a

roller coaster of emotions and again

overwhelm and just unnecessary stress so

if that's you make sure you take off

that pressure there is a thing called

escapism and it's something that I

started to do recently and just try and

reflect back and think what are the

things that make me happy is it really

gonna make me that much happier if I end

up burning out and then all of a sudden

I can't work for X amount of days just

for the sake of working that Sunday it

just might not be and the next one is

perfectionism so I had this almost like

a a proud badge of honor that I was a

perfectionist and I suppose it was one

of the things I used to use in

interviews as a sort of when they used

to ask the question what is your

weakness because it's one of those you

can kind of turn it around but being a

perfectionist actually sabotage a lot of

my progress especially my early years

whereas now if you follow me again on

any of my social media outlets I just

kind of say what I want to say and it's

out there and I'll make a lot of

spelling mistakes I'll make a lot of

editing mistakes even on my podcast is a

couple of podcasts I'm not sure if

you've heard previously where some of

the sound is a little bit mumbo-jumbo

and yeah it's just kind of that whole

analogy of let's not try and be perfect

now let's just try and move forward 1% a

day and that certainly helps me rather

than trying to make sure everything's

perfect because let's be honest nobody

is perfect for a start and you're never

going to be perfect without trying in

the first place so the best way to do it

is by taking a swing of the bat day

after day day after day putting in those

reps and over

time you start to perfect your craft you

still probably won't be perfect but it

certainly does take that pressure off

you next up we have control now this is

one that I'm sure many of you can relate

with but if you're anything like me I'm

a little bit of a control freak so I

like to do a lot of things myself hence

why I'm kind of I suppose overworking

and when it comes to outsourcing it's

very difficult for me to kind of hand

over the control and that's not to say

I'm the greatest at what I do because

there are people who can do so many

other things I do on a daily basis so

much better but it's just handing over

that control that initial bit of saying

here you go that's something I really

struggle with in life and I'm pretty

sure many of you listening today can

obviously relate to that as well so

that's basically five I suppose

ingredients as to why people generally

feel stressed and overwhelmed okay so

now that you know what the causes are

for ends ie

and overwhelm what I'm gonna now give

you is just some tips and tricks on

things that you can do now this list

it's compiled not just through the

things that I do but it's also compiled

from a lot of research that I've been

doing over the years as well because I

am very very passionate about personal

development none of us are perfect and

it's all about trying to be better each

time so through the books that I've read

and through my own experiences I've just

clay in a list now I think there's about

10 or 15 so hopefully it won't keep you

for too long but what I would recommend

is that after this show maybe if you

just make a few notes because if some of

you are driving right now you might not

be able to recognize all of these and

then maybe just try one or two of them

every time you may feel a sense of

overwhelm in your life okay so the first

one is meditation or just taking a

moment to be still now the reason I say

taking a moment to be still is because I

don't actually meditate but I know the

benefits of it from people who do

meditate but one of the things that I've

started to do is just try and be present

in that moment now you're probably

thinking this is a little bit

counterintuitive because on one end of

the scale I have all of these things

that I need to do because the world's

gonna end if I don't do them but on the

other side you're telling me to just

take a break

yes I'm telling you to take a break and

I'm telling you to take a break for a

simple reason that you need to start to

think logically you need to start

thinking with a clear

head and you're not gonna do that in

this mumbo-jumbo fashion where you're

trying to do everything all at once

because let's face it nobody Komori

tusks our brains are wired in a way that

we actually just switch between tasks so

it's almost like a web browser where you

switching between tabs yes you can move

on to different tabs but you're going to

lose a sense of flow because you're

gonna have to find out where you were

the last time you were looking at that

web page and it just doesn't work so

what you ideally want to do is focus and

you only want to focus on one thing you

only want to focus on one thing at any

one time so anyway back to the point you

want to be still and you want to be

present in a very quick way can do this

is literally by taking notice of exactly

where you are so as I sit here now

recording this I am sitting on my sofa I

have one leg crossed and one leg on the

floor there's quite an unusual position

but I can film my feet on the floor so

it gives me that sense of touch I can

feel my forearm on my left thigh and I

can feel my lips are pretty dry as well

because it was a bit of a crazy weekend

so what about you just done there in

that very quick moment is just make

myself present in relation to my

surroundings by doing that it reduces

your stress and your ins ie as well and

it just brings your heart rate down ever

so little number to try and tick off

something straight away something off

your list and this is why a lot of

people make the bed or they work out

very quickly in the morning where they

have a point of water or they have their

vitamins first thing in the day and it's

actually one of the few things that I do

as well so all those little things are a

little point that I do in the day

because you kind of feel like you

achieve something almost instantly so

yes it might not be the highest priority

thing but just taking off those few

things certainly reduces that incredible

monumental made up by the way and list

of things in your head that you can't

physically do in one day because let's

be honest the list that we make in our

heads

it's almost made out to be a lot more

difficult and a lot more time-consuming

than it actually is the next one is

postpone anything that doesn't matter so

this is something that you can actually

adopt eisenhower's urgent an important

principle

now again just simply google this and

what it is it's basically four quadrants

and in those scenarios you have the

first one being important and urgent the

next one important but not urgent then

you have not important but urgent and

then you have not important and not

urgent now obviously if you listen to

this on a podcast it's a hell of a lot

easier to go and have a look at what it

looks like and the reason you want to do

this is because what you want to focus

on is compiling these to-do lists

compiling all these tasks that are

overwhelming you and making you feel

like you need to almost do them

instantly and start to place them in

their right boxes for example something

like doing the Hoover in your house or

speaking to a potential lead now if

you're an entrepreneur you start in your

business in my personal opinion it's a

lot more important for you to go and try

and get leads as opposed to doing the

Hoover now you could be procrastinating

by doing the Hoover and trying to work

away from it but you really want to

focus on what are the things that move

you forward one in terms of your

happiness and your fulfillment but two

in terms of producing income for you so

try to this exercise it'll take you ten

fifteen minutes but you can really start

to understand the kind of things that

you're placing into each different

quadrant now I will say in relation to

this is when you have something that is

important but it's not urgent just be

mindful that one day it will be

converging so if you don't do it at some

stage it's gonna creep up and it's gonna

comment to that to-do list that's gonna

instantly overwhelm you so make sure

that list isn't too big because

obviously as life comes on we start

adding more and more things to our life

and then when that hits you at the same

time here comes the overwhelm next one

we have is set realistic goals I've been

very fortunate to work with selling

people now who I'm now trying to coach

and help them move forward in their

lives and I am all for being optimistic

I'm all for grand Cardinals theory of

10x and trying to be the best I'm really

trying to put yourself out there and

make a difference not only to yourselves

but to society but let's be honest if

you've come from a place where you've

not made any money and then all of a

sudden you want to make 10 million

pounds in the next 12 months it's very

unlikely now I'm not here to say it's

impossible the

that's not really the purpose of this

shop what I'm here to say is and one of

the things that I want to do in this

show is to look after your well-being

and your mental and physical state so it

would be foolish of me to say yeah just

like ten million and all of a sudden

you're going to achieve 10 million

because the fact of the matter is unless

you're one of the top one or two percent

entrepreneurs in the world it's probably

gonna be very unlikely that you can be

able to facilitate a business to make

that kind of money straight away but how

realistic goals have realistic goals

that you will have maybe replace your

income for example or you would have

made half a million pounds 1 million

pounds listen the fact of the matter is

it just needs to be realistic based on

your resources your skill set the time

you have available and the actual market

itself so make sure you have a real

thing a realistic thing but the same

time do stretch yourself as well don't

go out there and say I want to make

1,000 pounds a month when really that's

pretty easy especially if you work hard

enough and you do the right things

next up lean on people and delegate and

this is a game going back to you the

kind of the Hoover example that I used

so for example I don't like doing the

housework and we're already the highest

weight for me it kind of stops my flow

I almost get overwhelmed and stressed at

the feeling that I have to do it so

initially what I used to do was a hire

someone I used to pay someone 8 pounds

an hour

she's the common bless her heart and she

used to do all the tasks that I didn't

want to do now it was them my duty to

make sure that I was bringing in income

or produces something that in the future

will bring in income that would be more

than 8 pounds an hour and that is

basically leverage so for example back

six or seven years ago I was personal

training and I was charging about thirty

five pounds and I went solve for me it

was better for me to just go and get

myself another client Rodman's walking

around the house for an hour trying to

tidy up

whereas I could just pay someone eight

pounds an hour so value your time and

lean on people or delegate so put on

your resources look at who's in your

network that you can work with and who

you can help and not only that it helps

you in return so number seven this is

changing your energy now it's really

that you get used to changing energy and

one of the things I preach on my fitness

channels is about being healthy and go

to the gym and stay inactive because

energy creates energy this might sound

really crazy but it does so have you

ever had those days where you're just

sitting around all day

you're not even hungover and you just

been watching TV you've almost watched

all season of Netflix and all of a

sudden you just feel absolutely

lethargic that's because you're not

creating any energy so in moments of

overwhelm or when you're getting overly

stressed one of the things you want to

do is change your state now Tony Robbins

does this better than anyone and you'll

see him jumping around on the stage and

I'm not necessarily saying if you're in

the workplace or you're out in public

that you need to just start jumping up

and down on the spot although that would

be pretty funny and if you do do it make

sure you tag me in on social media while

you're doing it but something as simple

as doing a couple of press ups doing a

couple of squats taking a walk taking a

jog something that will just literally

move you from where you are now create

some level of energy and just by doing

that alone it will start to relieve you

of tension it will release endorphins

and it will over time start to make you

feel less overwhelmed so you probably

see me now workout twice a day and the

reason I do that is because firstly I

like to put a win in my daily diary as

soon as I wake up because then I know if

shit hits the fan and it's a very very

difficult day full of obstacles and

problems I've still done something to

benefit my health and then the second

one normally comes after about lunchtime

once I've had half of the day of work

and then I just want to kind of think

creatively so then I go for a second

exercise session and just by doing that

one I release my stress I get to listen

to some music sometimes I have the

occasional podcast on but then as soon

as I come back from that I'm feeling

refreshed and I'm feeling creative again

and finally number eight this is where

I'm gonna leave it guys I could talk

about this for ages if you did found

this useful and you want me to kind of

do a part two because I've got like

another 20 points here please do let me

know

but the final one I'm gonna go is just

to remember in the grand scheme of

things be stressed out about whatever it

is whether it's doing the laundry

whether it's one deadline for example or

whether it's making sure the dishes are

washed is it really that important

now I know obviously we're moving the

state of overwhelm is very difficult to

think logically I fully appreciate that

but if you can just sit there maybe make

yourself present as I mentioned before

maybe change your state as soon as

you've done that and then just sit there

and think okay I'm getting overwhelmed

because I have X Y & Z to do and then

think how important are these if God

forbid I wasn't able to do it by

tomorrow or the day after would my life

be over and you'll probably realize your

life isn't gonna be over and again this

probably comes down to all the pressures

that you put on yourself the

expectations and it's just about being

more mindful in the moment so hopefully

you found this useful I again I really

do enjoy these kind of single solo

episodes because I feel I'm able to

obviously give you guys tips on what

it's actually made me bear and again the

whole premise of finding your voice is

about overcoming our adversity

overcoming our pain and trying to find

ways to move forward to not only feel

happier more fulfilled but then be able

to give back into the world so guys as

always I do thank you so much for your

time I thank you all for the reviews

again we're starting to pick up some

more reviews as well if you follow me on

social media actually that's probably

the last time I'm gonna say that today

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well it's gonna be absolutely free I

usually charge 70 pounds for it but it's

just going to be in relation to if you

can give us a review maybe share it on

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send you this free diet plan so the way

I'm selling it at the minute is one you

be doing me a massive favor by helping

expand this movement getting more people

to follow find your voice more people to

change their lives and not become

victims and like I said on the last

episode start to become a victor of the

life and really take control of it but

to you'll also look great naked so on

that note I'm gonna leave it there and I

hope you all have an incredible week and

as always thanks for listening and

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awesome day

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