Finding happiness after the death of your spouse part 1/2 #17
Find Your Voice
English - April 15, 2019 04:55 - 46 minutes - 106 MB - ★★★★★ - 40 ratingsMental Health Health & Fitness Education Self-Improvement confidence entrepreneur business anxiety adversity mindset passive income fulfillment mental health health Homepage Download Apple Podcasts Google Podcasts Overcast Castro Pocket Casts RSS feed
Find your voice - Episode 17- "Wonderfulness of Life" - Louise Blyth #17 Part 1
Tagline: "Be the captain of your fate and master of your soul"
Louise Blyth, is an incredible lady who has experienced losing the love of her life, George Blyth tragically from cancer. With cancer now affecting 1 in 2 families it is a common occurrence so many of us face in our day to day life. But unlike any other story Louise world took a massive turn upon the sad death of her spouse and soul mate.
Experiencing a supernatural event during his last few days Louise beliefs, perceptions, outlook and whole world had been turned around where she found herself finding, what she describes as "the greatest love all of us could ever know"
A 2 part special episode, this incredible story does not lean on an emotional tale which will have you in tears of sadness, despite its tragic theme. Instead, tears of happiness seeing someone recover from grief and finding a bigger purpose and understanding of her being in the world takes over the story's narrative and leaves you feeling rather refreshingly happy that in such a sad circumstance someone can continue their life in a positive, fulfilling way.
Now a widow of 2 children, Louise has created The Wonderfulness of Life which focuses on, Happiness being a choice and a state of mind.
I am sure you will all agree this story truly warranted two episodes and if anyone can take anything positive away from this, it is to cherish all the moments we have with our loves ones and find blessings in whatever cards we are dealt in life.
Thanks for listening
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Have an awesome day
#JustDeuIt #FindYourVoice
[Music]
welcome to an episode of find your voice
a movement led by yours truly
Aren do a guy who has overcome
crippling anxiety adversity and
difficulty like so many of you in life
whose main goal now is to help you
combat your excuses take control of your
life write your own story and most
importantly find your voice so now
without further ado I welcome the host
of the show himself mr. Aren do what's
going on people thank you for tuning in
to another episode of find your voice my
name is Aren and as always I am the
host of the show so before I begin this
announcement I just want to say a
massive massive massive thank you to
every single one of you who have
listened to this show I also want to say
a massive thank you to anyone who has
previously listened to his show and left
a review because it's your reviews that
I've helped us get into the news and not
worthy on iTunes now this is no small
feat this is actually an incredible
achievement and the more I research it
they're more proud I actually feel but
more importantly I'm so proud of my
guests and I'm so grateful that they
were able to share their journey but I'm
also so happy to have such loyal
listeners like yourselves to really
support this movement and that's exactly
what it is it's a movement it's about
trying to inspire people try and put a
positive beacon of light into the world
and really try and get everyone to live
their best life combat their excuses and
really change their perception and
mindset so without rambling on too much
we have a really really exciting
two-part episode coming up for you now
now this is actually our first ever
two-part episode and conscious of your
time which is obviously our biggest and
most important commodity I'm gonna jump
straight into this one okay so I just
want to start by thanking Louise for her
time and coming onto the show today to
share her story which I'm sure you're
all gonna find absolutely inspirational
so Louise how are you doing today
I'm good thank you I'm good fantastic
fantastic so I just want to say thank
you I appreciate you and I'm really
looking forward to this one so this was
actually a recommendation from somebody
else you may have
one heard previously on a podcast it's
episode number fourteen and it's my bet
daily Rylan it's something that I urge
all of you to check out because it was
actually within the first four hours it
got the most number of listen
straightaway so it's a great hit and I'd
recommend you all going back to that
however moving on now we have another
fantastic guest in Lewis so Louise I
think it's really important for the
listeners to understand your story and
understand a little bit about yourself
as well if you if you wouldn't mind if
you could just kind of give us an
insight into yourself a little bit about
your journey and what basically brings
you here today yeah no worries so and if
I'm completely honest I never thought
three even four years ago that I would
be someone that would be sat being
interviewed on a podcast talking about
the subject that I'm going to bring to
the table today which is loss
bereavement and life after living
through sort of that kind of trauma so
so my story is from nottingham from
robin hood that's where i kind of grow
up grew up and spent my childhood had a
fantastic childhood my parents really
sort of put myself over the first I was
kind of one of those people at school
that was not really super cool but also
I hope not too much of a mega geek and
you know you did did the normal stuff
kind of growing up going into nightclubs
probably too young being carried out of
nightclubs after having drink too much
so my friends before say probably too
young and went away to university at 18
where I studied French and actually
lived abroad for a year when I was 19
which was quite young and that was I
suppose my first experience if I'm being
brutally honest of life if that makes
sense so in terms of really realizing
things around loneliness relationships
being able to kind of go it alone and do
things for yourself because essentially
when you're on your own in a foreign
country you have no one else to rely on
other than yourself and I and so that
was that was really really kind of big
experience in my life and graduated in
in 2006 probably like many so you really
expect it about what life had to offer
me and had one of these huge plans
around what I thought I was gonna be and
what car is thought I was gonna drive
and what house I wanted to have hadn't
met kind of anyone special at that point
there's been a few a few boys but no one
who'd kind of really made me sort of sit
up and take notice and in 2006 I was
accepted on to a training scheme a
graduate training scheme and that was
kind of a supposed to start of where my
life really really started to change so
I I started there in September and on my
first day in fact before my my first day
on the induction day I met George who I
would fall in love with and marry so we
were part of a group of about 30 people
he will join together and we had a great
time it was like being at university you
know me we were there training together
living together all became really really
great friends but he was the guy that
kind of more than anyone else you know
was not never first I on any level I you
know I remember thinking oh my gosh this
guy's so confident you know he's really
sort of sure of himself but we just
became really great friends and we used
to would talk all the time and then it
was that that Christmas so this is the
September when we started our job and it
was that Christmas when we actually kind
of had our first kiss so he'd he'd
really really raison he said when he
first were in the business oh well I'm
gonna be I'm gonna be in Edinburgh so
I'm gonna have a hub burn a party and
we're all gonna come to Edinburgh and
have this holiday party and I remember
thinking oh my god who is this guy like
they're so confident
so anyway true to his words you know
four months later there we all were sort
of twenty or so others at his flat in in
Edinburgh and that's kind of where
George and I had our first kiss
New Year's 2006 2007 and after that you
know my life my life changed in an
instant I know for people that are
listening that of maybe you know you've
met someone that they know that they
won't spend the rest of their life with
when you meet that special person you
know really it is everything that you've
ever hoped for it is kind of like the
movies and the songs
and it's it's truly beautiful it's a
really amazing experience and we knew we
knew from the outset that we had
something special I think that often you
do you know it was more than just a
friendship it was a kind of deep
respectful sort of love it was it was it
was powerful you know and so we kind of
went on living our lives together you
know as what happens when you meet the
person that you want to spend your life
with you know you stop being you stop
being as our lives became more and more
intertwined so we we lived apart we
lived together
we vented together we bought a house
together his kind of his career went
from kind of great amazing as he kind of
charged through the ranks from corporate
perspective we were engaged in 2010 we
were married in 2011
I felt pregnant we had off this baby
quite quickly which was just a huge
blessing and we it gave birth to of this
son in 2013 so for all intents and
purposes we were the couple that that
had it all we were probably the people
and I hugely recognize this that people
look to in kind of discipline oh how
they got this you know like they've
they've met young they've both got good
jobs they're doing really well hopefully
they thought we were nice people you
know we had we had a nice house we drove
nice cars we had a you know we had we
decided we wanted to have a baby and it
just was easy we got pregnant and I had
no problems with my pregnancy so you
know we were on to a good thing life was
life was really really great and then we
decided to have another baby and I got
pregnant very easily again and shortly
after office and was born we moved house
so we relocated back to Nottingham sure
because by this point we're living down
south because that's like the street sir
I paid gold and then whilst I was
pregnant with our second son George just
had this overwhelming feeling which I
can come back to and talk about some
more and as we kept kind of maybe deeper
into the interview there that we had to
move that we had to move back to my
hometown and
um so we we bought a house when I was
six months pregnant and moved after our
son was just born to me with an 8 week
old baby at that time that's when George
started to be presenting with symptoms
that just weren't you know wasn't well
and we couldn't get to the bottom of it
he was wrong he constantly had a cold he
was always tired
he was really rundown he had low really
really low energy levels and because of
the stage and the circumstance of our
life in that we had two incredibly young
children Zoey at this point you know we
had a three-month-old baby and a
two-year-old son and you know just
Newhouse
George was commuting to London from our
house and Notting Michelle it is a big
commute you know said not you know not
for the faint-hearted
we just continually put it down to the
fact that this is what life is in your
season and you know you try and have
yeah we're rundown you know this is
having kids everyone whinges about the
tiredness and the exhaustion which is a
you know it's part of the territory of
you know you don't live with your
children but it just didn't sort of seem
to get better and there was this
continual niggle that was there and
essentially basically we pursued it and
to cut a long story short of how we
actually came to this conclusion we
decided to send George for a colonoscopy
which is a process where you basically
have a camera put up your bottom it's
not that unpleasant so he went off and
had this procedure and I mean this is
what our life was like at this point in
time our and so he decided to have this
procedure in London because he remember
him saying to me
you know I'm so busy at work what I can
do is I can go to work and then I can do
this after work and I can come back and
I can still behave at that time we
genuinely didn't think that there was a
big you know big big reason to be
concerned all of the health care
professionals had said to us there's not
a reason to be worried he's so young
he's 33 it's definitely not gonna be
bowel cancer and basically that day that
you had the colonoscopy which was the
the 9th of December 2015
he called me I was at home literally
kind of quite literally walking around
the Christmas tree and my little boy
answer and with a little Senate nurse we
putting all my fairy lights out thinking
wow you know life's amazing this is gray
and he called me and that phone call was
the moment that just shattered my life
because having your husband ringing and
say the words I've got cancer ah it was
just it felt like a time-space continuum
and I yeah it was just hideous and I
remember saying to him oh my god she
can't know this already how do you know
like it can't be which was actually the
route that I went domine when he told us
was exactly the route that all of our
friends went down afterwards when we
actually had to then tell them the news
which was just as difficult as him
having to tell me and I know now that
that's the kind of psychological
response in terms of you know plausible
denial you want to commercialise with
what you're hearing and you want somehow
to be like this isn't true this this
can't be the case this isn't us you know
do you not know who we are today and I
remember you know being on the phone
with George and crying and him saying to
me it's fine like he'd managed to have
the force I mean this is the kind of
incredible guy he was he'd had the
foresight to call my parents tell my
parents what happened before he ran me
so he could say to me after he told me
I've got cancer your mum and dad are on
the way
your mum doubt of coming over and
they're gonna be here any minute and
they're gonna be they're gonna be here
they're gonna scoop you up and I'm on my
way back from London it was just so so
so kind and so thoughtful which was just
who he was to his core
so that was December 2015 and our lives
in that instant you know I often joked
with people and say I sing the song from
Fresh Prince of bel-air oh it's probably
shows the kind of generation that I am
it was you know this Oriole upside down
because in that instant it was my life
was flipped turned upside down and yeah
it was just everything that we knew
about our life was thrown thrown on the
floor but then that you know that wasn't
the end that was the beginning of a new
life and a new existence which went on
for 11 months
so we then lived in a season of stage
four bowel cancer so when George was
diagnosed he had metastatic bowel cancer
which is base
we can circle of lingo for the fact that
the cancers bad and it spreads to
different parts of your body and in
George's case it spread to his liver
which is not good news obviously it's
one of our major organs that you need to
function so George then lived through I
think it was eight rounds of
chemotherapy followed by six weeks of
really intense radiotherapy followed by
a season of kind of watch wait let's see
where this where these horrible cells
kind of come back then he did a huge
huge surgery in the summer which is
something called the liver resection
which is essentially where you get
chopped open and all of your liver
there's got cancer and chopped out which
is kind of just the most epic surgery
you can imagine before he did that he
cycled around London and raised a lot of
money for bowel cancer UK and then he
said I remember him saying to his
oncologist you know just before he had
this liver surgery I'm gonna I'm gonna
do more bike riding and then this sort
of all looking at him like he was
completely mental eight weeks to the day
after he'd had his liver resection he
cycled from London to Paris released
more funds for Bar Council UK and then
shortly after returning home from that
boat ride he started complaining again
feeling unwell and we you know we
genuinely thought that we were on the
sort of positive track with this disease
and literally eight weeks the day after
he'd stood in front of the eiffel tower
you know holding his bike you know in
this kind of really momentous epic
photograph that I've got of him he was
dead so he he went downhill incredibly
quickly and peacefully passed away on
the 18th of November 2016 so I was 33
and I had a three year old and a ten
year olds and yes it was incredibly
incredibly hard yet was incredibly
beautiful and a moment of glory that I
never expected at the moment of his
passing so I suppose that was a real
game-changing moment when he died which
was just absolutely beautiful and
there's no other word to describe it
which is I suppose why my story's a bit
different because I think probably most
people are going to be expecting me to
say and then it was him
yes and then it was all for and I love
this season of grief and and it has been
and it was all of those things but it
was equally really beautiful because of
their the way in which George died and
what happened to all of this at the
moment of his death which I'm sort of
really excited to talk some more with
you about say and just stunned that last
bit and which we will touch on just in a
few moments time I can tell that you
were going to have that response just
from the way you were explaining your
journey and everything that you've been
through so but when I think of concern
what it's done to my family it becomes a
more of an emotional thing and it's
quite like even when you talk about it
like demeanor and everything changes
when you say you can see that you've
actually found the silver lining in this
in this journey that you've had to take
and I just find that incredible so I'm
looking forward to hearing just a bit
more about that have balls and know
about how it was one not only incredibly
hard but also incredibly beautiful I
mean I'm taking notes here because I
don't want to miss anything and I'm sure
listeners I probably think ask her this
ask her this because it's so fascinating
because what you've literally described
is a fairy tale story and it's kind of a
story that I suppose when we grow up
there's there's a thing and I was I was
doing a speech recently and I was saying
how you know how we go to school and
yeah you get your results and then you
go to secondary school then you have the
I love is then you go to university then
you get married and you have kids and
then you retire at 65 it's almost like
somewhere in a in our subconscious I
suppose we reprogram to believe we're
just going to lift or 65 when
everything's just gonna fall in place
and then what happens it comes in boom
it hits you how is he so hard yeah
that's why people struggle and I just
think yeah it's a I'm grateful that
you're sharing this story because it
would just wake people up yeah I'm very
fortunate that nothing like that has
happened to my wife or myself at this
moment but I do try and live as if that
could happen tomorrow oh yeah it would
that the nightmares that could
potentially happen so oh you mentioned
that you've been travelling for a year
as well not obviously generate so where
did you travel so I didn't travel so I
lived I mean sorry you lived you live
yeah yeah yeah and I said friendship
University and I lived in fret in France
I actually lived I need to be honest I'd
love to go back now as a 35 year old and
do I did then I lived in the noir
Weinberg
which at the time as a 19 year old he
basically like drinking wkt blue it was
completely lost of me as like a kind of
cultural experience but it was part it
was part of my my studies in terms of
what I had to do to kind of learn the
language but yeah that was that was
interesting and it's been really
fascinating actually as I've taken some
time particularly this last year because
I've been taking some time out of work
to actually I'm writing a novel actually
so I'm writing the story of what what
happened to is in that in detail because
I'm really mindful that to try and relay
it in you know an hour even in two hours
it doesn't do it justice which is why
I'm writing the story of exactly you
know all of the twists and turns and the
beauty of what unfolded but essentially
you know I've really realized that that
experience that I had in France was
really formative and actually was
equipping me with skills that I would
need kind of in the moment of George's
death and it was also interesting in
that some of the corporate experiences
that I'd had as well so often you know
people always saying it's very cliche
isn't it you know when you're having a
difficult time people often say stuff to
you like you know this all happens for a
reason or you know it's in difficulty
where you learn and you know what I
hugely believe in both of those points
but actually when you're in that
hardship and you're in that season of
struggle and people say that to you if
I'm being brutally honest sometimes it
feels like a slap in the face because
you just you just feel kind of like well
you don't know what is to be in the
situation I'm in and how do you know
that I've been positioned for such a
time as this but I think you have to I
think you have to come to that
conclusion yourself I don't think other
people can kind of impart that wisdom
into you and it's taken me to live
through the experience of my husband's
cancer and his death to wake up to life
does that make sense
and I now look at all of these
experiences that I've had the good and
the bad and go wow like I was being like
trained I was being because I was
positioned into that set of
circumstances the reason why that
happened was to serve me later and when
you start to reflect that in that way
you often see that you've done that you
did do some really great learning in me
seasons of struggle and they and they
have served to make you a more full kind
of person that can then cope and be more
resilient in times that will be even
tougher may be that you face in the
future say yeah this interesting I just
love that I just love your perspective
on things and I think because I believe
everyone gets these potential lessons
and I call it potential lessons because
yeah it's what they take from it really
and yes that you mentioned resilience as
well and yeah I I've had
I mean I'm day two you know and I feel
like I've had some ups and downs as well
in my life which I'm sure every single
person has yeah the grass is never
greener on the other side yeah
absolutely yeah I mean that's one of the
reasons for this podcast but I'm
grateful now especially in hindsight of
all the adversity and everything that
I've been through because now when
something trivial happens say for
instance in my day job or you got a flat
tire or something that would normally I
suppose dress me out five six years ago
yeah yeah it just doesn't faze me
because in the grand scheme of things do
you know what I mean you you snot
absolutely 100% yeah I'm interested in
this novel Azure which i think is gonna
be fantastic because like you said we
can't touch on everything within this
short amount of time but I think just
from listening to the opening 15-20
minutes people are going to be very
interested in hearing more about this
myself included and I think you're not
alone in what you've experienced but I'm
sure that you're very unique in terms of
how you've change your perspective and I
think if you can hopefully help other
people who have maybe been through a
similar situation to maybe look at it in
the way that you said so I want to go
back to that bit where you mentioned how
incredibly hard it was oh but then also
incredibly beautiful if you yeah yeah so
let's talk about the hardship and the
struggle first I think you have you see
that fully fully understand that then
understand the beauty if that makes
sense you have to source it in the
darkness to feel to feel the light which
sounds quite cheesy but I think it's you
know that's kind of essentially the the
heart of this story and you know that
moment that if we go back to the moment
that I described to you earlier when you
know George was diagnosed with cancer it
was hideous
and I often say to people actually that
is when my life changed and that is when
I started to grieve
because that was the moment that our
lives changed forever at that point we
were obviously still hoping there George
was gonna live to tell the tale
but even if he had lived to tell the
tale he would have been living to tell
the tale with the with the scar of
cancer and I think this is the part of
cancer that is so widely misunderstood
people want to treat it like a disease
there is a heart problem or an
orthopedic problem which is you know you
go to the hospital you have some
medicine and you get better and your
life's all okay again and actually the
reality of cancer at any stage that you
get it is that it alters the check that
your mindset and the course of your life
forever because it fundamentally makes
you realize your own mortality in a way
that you've never had to realize it
before and it also therefore because of
that makes you live your life very
differently it makes you live your life
in fear it also makes you live your life
with joy because you appreciate and have
such a broader perspective for the
amazing and wonderful variety of what
you see in everyday life because it is
you know that is where you live and in
in the everyday not in the holiday that
you've got planning for six months time
or the night out that you're really
looking forward to a couple of weeks and
and cancer really has a way of sort of
shifting your perspective and I think I
think this shift of perspective is
universal but obviously I think from my
own experience is not fertile for anyone
else he's impacted by this disease but
what's interesting is you know once you
kind of take some time to let the news
settle which you have to do and you get
news that big you know I remember for
George and I we had the classic
fight-or-flight response and we actually
chose flight so we ran away essentially
to the yorkshire dales which was where
George's mother lived and basically
spent sort of two or three days almost
in hiding trying to figure out what we
were gonna do so yeah we we ran away to
the oxidase and there we sort of like
tried to look at the situation
pragmatically so both of this had sort
of a spaceman entrained in the corporate
world because of the circumstances in
which we
which was on this kind of management
training scheme unit we'd both been
through quite vigorous corporate
training so we've done all of the you
know separate the people from the
problem how do you make a decision all
of that kind of stuff and actually we
kind of said you know what we've got to
kind of implement some of these skills
that we've been taught in terms of
facing this this beast that is cancer
and that and that's kind of what we
chose to do so when we actually sort of
approached it as if it was almost a
corporate problem and and I and I feel
like I'm I'm I'm even laughing as I say
this because it because essentially this
is what we had to do we had to look at
it as not a black dark disease that was
gonna claim our life we had to look at
it as a unwanted guest that maybe moved
into our house which is how it fell and
then it was kind of like what what we're
gonna do in this and once a guest
how are we gonna how are we gonna make
you feel part of the family and then we
don't really want them to be here but
accept the fact that they are gonna
probably eat our table now for the
foreseeable future and we can't make
them leave they're only gonna go when
they want to you know so we we looked at
you know what we could do and one of the
first things actually that we did was
and it was George's this is all
different by George not by me was he
sort of said well I'm not having cancer
and I remember saying to him what are
you talking about you know you've got
cancer like we can't we can't get rid of
it just like that and say no what I mean
is I'm not I'm not calling it cancer I'm
not I'm not going to be named as having
cancer because there's a lot in the name
I mean there's even a you know there's
the beautiful Shakespeare quote of you
know if Rose has anything else you know
I can't I can't remember it and the
baton but it's about you know if it was
caught if it was still called over but
it was cannot call the rose but it still
smells so sweet and that same that same
thinking and that same mindset is so
true cancer because the problem is is
you say cancer to people and people
think death because people are so scared
of death and actually the reality these
days is one and two people will get
cancer and also lots of people have
cancer and go on to live really
beautiful long lives also have cancer
and live really successfully with cancer
for a good number of years
but we all have this fear you know it's
essentially the Millennial tuberculosis
that you get cancer and it's literally
like then the Grim Reaper is their door
yeah so George George said to me from
the from the outset I don't want cancer
I'm not gonna have cancer I'm gonna have
a project name so we we we were sort of
like I was like okay so it was it was
like a awesome cheesy episode of The
Apprentice we were driving north and he
we were there thinking of names and
every name I came up with which I can't
remember any of the names I actually
came up with he he was beating of
dallying no that's awful that's that's
horrendous I kind of thought I can't
have this then he said out of nowhere
Invictus what about Invictus and
honestly when he said that name it was
literally like a thunderclap in the car
it was amazing like it shot waves
through my heart and I was like that's
amazing I was like why do we both know
this name a week googled it and we're
like oh it's an aftershave and then we
would you know laughing joking which
again is another you know like that is a
real great way of building resilience so
it sounds so awful and crude to say but
to try and find the fun and the smiles
and the everyday humor in amongst you
know this car crash that is your life is
so important because you're still
yourself when you still find the same
things funny and you like eating the
same sweets and the same places even
though you've got cancer
I remember we're in fits of laughter be
kind of like you know why on earth have
you chosen an aftershave advert this is
just really cheesy but then when we went
further into it we found out that
actually the original naming conventions
are coming from this amazing poet and by
Ernest Hemingway which actually I now
having a frame on my wall at home and
the line the closeout line of the poem
is this really sort of like thunderous
clothes which basically says I'm the
captain of my fate and I am the master
of my soul and those words we were just
like they were literally like boom to
our hearts we were like yes okay this is
it now we we are not having cancer so
we're having sort of project and victors
and that was the start of is I
suppose time to refrain what was
happening to is but that also didn't
mean that what was happening to us
wasn't horrible you know like there's
lots of cancer there is hideous there is
absolute sleep deprivation because
you're so anxious about everything that
you you go to bed and you can't sleep
and you're wide awake you wide awake
there's there's an easier because of
that because you're so exhausted you're
and you're trying to keep the show on
the road
you can't remember sometimes the most
simplest of things there's the the huge
impact that it has on your daily life I
mean essentially I was still on
maternity leave you know we had an eight
month old baby so I was supposed to be
the one that was being looked after
because I was up at night you know still
with a baby that didn't really know you
know day from night if I'm being
brutally honest yeah and you know then I
had to switch roles into this person
that wasn't just caring for a
two-year-old and a eight month old it
was also caring for a guy he was there
two three who had cancer which for him
was just as difficult as it was for me
because he was the the dad he was the
father figure of the family he wanted to
be able to provide and support his wife
at his children and the reality of the
cancer treatment that he had was there I
mean he had really really top-drawer
chemo which was like I remember them
saying the hospital is it's pretty much
like we're putting bleach in your veins
and he had it every 11 days so he didn't
have much downtime between treatment you
know he'd go on it he'd go on his go and
have his infusion and actually he then
had to come home with a with a bottle
attached to him which is a type of
chemotherapy that lots of bowel cancer
patients if anyone who's had bowel
cancer is listening will be familiar
with and you then basically take the
pump it's called a pump home with you
for three days so that was you know that
was a man mindful in itself because we
had to explain to our kids what was
going on that they couldn't jump on
daddy and it wasn't ever that we kept
anything secret from our children but
you know our oldest child was two years
old you know how do you explain to a 2
year old dad daddy's got cancer that
he's got this medicine on him I mean
actually and that is what we explained
to him and we had to explain what the
words meant to him but you know they
don't
at that age they don't understand what
it means they it means nothing to them
you know for all intensive purposes for
them it was like daddy had a bottle of
Cal Poly attached to him you know they
didn't get the severity of it and it was
really tough and it brought up a lot of
stuff for me around you know what do I
do in terms of work so obviously I was
off work on maternity leave I actually
went back to work because I felt so much
pressure because I was thinking you know
I don't we'd have no idea how long this
cancer journeys gonna go on for and even
though both of our employers were just
the most supportive employers B could
have ever asked for
you always have that niggle in the back
of your head that actually if this goes
on for six years seven years are they
still going to be this supportive and
list understand a and I remember saying
to George you know I've got to go back
to work George because we might be in a
position where we're only rely you know
we're relying upon my salary and you
know you can't work which he never
really wanted to face into so I went
back to work and even when I talk about
it now I genuinely don't know how I did
it I went back to work with a
one-year-old just three year old and a
husband with cancer and was kind of
doing my job as well as commuting to
London and you know running a house you
know it was absolutely exhausting and
exhausting in a way that makes your soul
eight you know it wasn't just it wasn't
just sort of tired of the way that
people say I'm tired you know it was
exhausting and it was the relentless
sort of tsunami of it all because the
way that cancer works is you kind of it
is it's a long boil disease you know it
isn't a disease there you know it goes
it doesn't go away like an orthopaedic
you know injury like I said previously
and it and it's it's always there
simmering in the background and every
now and again you get these huge waves
that crash over you and they sometimes
absolutely come out of nowhere and it's
about then how you how you protect
yourself and what you what you do - I
suppose build that resilience and that's
what we learn in that 11 months
essentially initially it was like we
were all at sea we have no idea what the
hell we were doing and gradually as the
year
went on we built that resilience muscle
and we learned the techniques around
what is it that's gonna help us and we
knew that there were certain things that
for us as a family he with the things
that work but that took some time to
figure out it wasn't like the next day
after George I can't sir we went yeah
this is this is what we have to do this
trick is it yeah
no no so it was so hard it was so so
hard so hard yeah
firstly what a wonderful person he
sounds like and I just in your
relationship the way you were just
feeding a feature then you had this
whole story behind Invictus Sol Invictus
for me initially yeah Paco Rabanne it's
the which is what I remembered but also
there's a film money as well yes and
it's happened to feed on conquerable so
Wow
yeah you actually said it in this moment
that's what I was feeling and I was
getting almost goose thinking yeah
that's it how you guys have done it and
it just shows the power of like the
human will and the importance that words
because just by changing that name
you're not you're not necessarily saying
to listeners here listen let's brush
cancer under the copy and pretend it's
not here what you're saying is okay we
acknowledge it's here and some days
we're facing it but we're gonna just
face it in a more positive way to help
us move forward and I think that's
really really yeah the way you've done
that and in terms of exhausting I mean
we all sit here myself included and
we'll have a 14 hour day or a 12 hour
day we've been asked to do some overtime
and we feel you know what I'm tired I'm
tired and here you are with no actual
choice with your back against the wall
just showing how powerful the human mind
and body in sync how much we're actually
capable of doing and that also goes sexy
when you mentioned George who did that
running I mean who in their right mind
if you think about it from a logical
perspective things after being chopped
up I'm go go go raise money wait you
know you know what there are what I
would say is I follow some really
inspirational people on Instagram and
particularly love the the three women
and who created the you me Big C podcast
and Rachel blance or sadly passed away
in September last year and I follow I
follow the girls actually that do that
show on Instagram and they ones a cancer
survivor one one is living with stage
four cancer
they are always out exercising and
actually what I would say is it hey
for you to realize that your body is
fragile and that you have to look after
it to want to look after it sometimes
and actually the irony is is that George
actually was a fitness fanatic even
before he had cancer so he was on these
people that would go to gym gym and I
would always be like what are you doing
but I had to say since he has had cancer
and obviously lost his life to cancer
it's made me go as well you know your
body is so precious you have to look
after it you have to be mindful of what
you're putting in it in the way in which
you're using it in the way in which
you're nurturing it because it's it's
precious to you and it's your only
rocket ship you're not going to get
another one so you have to look after it
and I think incredibly there is this
mindset amongst the cancer community of
I am gonna do the stuff that like you
know that we run a 5k or run a marathon
because almost as well you know everyone
knows the healing benefits of fitness
it's it's proven right so there is this
mindset of just you know well I am what
I want to do this mentally even more
than I've ever wanted to do it so I do
you think it's crazy but I also think
you know not taking anything away from
George because it was incredible what he
did but I also think you'll find that
there are lots of people who are
impacted by cancer that also have that
absolute mindset of no I'm gonna go for
it I'm gonna raise this money I'm gonna
go and do this and I think you're right
and I think but this is kind of what I
want this podcast to do is not let
somebody have to suffer with cancer see
somebody also for with cancer to really
understand what they're actually capable
of because we're so much we're living
just in the comfort zone all the time
and health and fitness is one of my
biggest passions so yeah I've always
been into it but then when I went to
university was it was more about vodka
commands and hangovers sure yeah it was
that kind of stuff for generally
speaking up when I was about 25 I think
that's when cancer came into into my
family only affected my own cause yeah
and one of the things I started doing
then was really taking my health and
fitness seriously so I blogged on
personal training since then I've
trained over like three 400 clients and
I always know my analogy is I know the
circumstances for instance similar to
Georgia where you can be healthy you can
be doing
right and then it's just not meant to be
I can just come for what I always try
and do is just put the odds in my favor
and I always tell all my clients just
put the odds in your favor you know when
you lift some weights or you do any sort
of CV exercise cardiovascular you're
you're you're reducing the chances of of
illness and that's kind of what I do so
every single morning without fail and
unless some literally on my deathbed
sorry or I'm traveling I'm training and
I don't have to enjoy it but for me you
know it's 4% on my day just after
yourself and you touched on something
there by what you put into yourself and
I think it's important for the listeners
just to know it's not just physical
consumption like food and water it's
also what you say in your monitor yeah
absolutely
so the project Invictus that kind of
stuff is it's empowering and if you can
just so I just think there's this I
could talk about what you said now for
another five hours because I'm sure
people are going to pick up on thank you
thank you for sharing all of that what I
need to move it forward just slightly
otherwise we'll have a six hour podcast
but what definitely can get you back on
so nice obviously change quite quite
significantly now yeah yeah and it's
something that you obviously you're
never prepared for what is a day like
for yourself now and what I want to ask
more in particular is obviously life's
taught you so much so quickly
already are there certain habits or
traits that you maybe do on a daily
basis that you think people listening
could potentially benefit from yes so I
mean the part of the story that haven't
got into and maybe isn't one for the
dates move maybe at halftime is the what
actually happened when George died which
in which I suppose was the absolute
beautiful firework finale to this whole
year so if you imagine this 11 months
when George had cancer was like us it
was a slowly learning how to overcome
adversity and build resilience in a way
that I'd never had see before and then
when we realized that you know the end
was nigh when he was told there was
nothing that they could do and he was
going to die but we
you know how long it was going to be and
what that what may or may not look like
and how painful it may be and all those
other things that was the moment where
if I'm really honest and being really
really vulnerable
I hit absolutely rock bottom because I
kind of when I don't know what to do now
you know like all of this other stuff
that we've taught ourselves this far in
terms of you know finding three things
every day to be thankful for doing
exercise you know renaming things to
make them feel more palatable you know
eating well to make sure we're we know
we're making our bodies feel as great as
we can sleeping where we can in amongst
near the chaos of TV and children all of
those things that other sort of things
if you pick up any book on on resilience
and how to and how to kind of you know
build and and and work that muscle they
just didn't work and I I remember just
thinking oh my gosh like what what do I
do and it was it was awful and it meant
that we were both in a really
emotionally low state which as I'm sure
again lots of people will identify with
when you're in that place what happens
is you lash out or the people that you
love the most
so we're in this hideous set of
circumstances which was you know we knew
that George was gonna die and we had
what was probably the biggest row I
think we ever had of our whole marriage
our whole relationship because I was
really angry at him and actually you
know what I was actually angry about him
what I thought I was angry about him was
not what I was angry about at him at all
I was actually angry at him because he
was dying and that's what I now realize
with hindsight you know I was at I was
angry about him about something that
he'd said to us mom or not said to his
mom but that wasn't you know and I've
gone back and rabbit reaction man that
wasn't the reason the reason I'm so
crossed with him was because I was angry
that he was leaving me that he was gonna
die that he was not going to be here to
bring up my kids that I was gonna have
to do life on my own in a way that I've
never ever expected to and that night I
went out I literally ran out of the
house into my car it sounds Hollywood
dramatic and it actually was a little
bit that way and I got in my car and I
drove it was dog
evening it was raining and I didn't know
what to do and I just felt lost really
really lost and in that moment I
remember thinking in my head where am I
gonna go who do what who should go and
see if it goes to my mom and dad I could
go see like my aunty best friends who's
the person that I need that who do I
need and I was I was sort of trying all
these people in my head to see if they
fitted with it the way I thought in my
heart and none of them felt that they
worked and actually at that point in
time was seeing a psychologist and I
thought do I bring her like do I go see
her I couldn't even bring myself to go
see my psychologist he was the person
that really you know I employed to sort
of be the person I could take all these
things to so I decided it in that moment
that I needed to go to a church and then
I was kind of like right really go to a
church and if I'm honest again I think
it was rooted in some level of utopian
memory that I've got from childhood
probably movies like home alone where
Kevin goes to church and yeah has that
like magical moment when he's missing
his mummy you know I was right I'm gonna
go to church and tried that and to go to
a church on this like rainy October
evening at about I think it must have
been about five o'clock everywhere I was
locked her and I was so angry oran I
can't tell you how angry I am
I was literally raging so I remember I
pulled my car over on a hard shoulder
and I and I said at least she got out my
car and I screamed and at this point in
time I was not a person of faith so
there is a purpose behind me telling you
the story and so I pulled over my car
and I literally got out of my car it was
raining I was screaming and I literally
it was like I was boxer in a ring that I
was a mad okay and I literally screamed
at the universe if you are real if you
are real you have to bleep bleep bleep
bleep show me there was a lot of swear
words yeah I was crying I was crying so
much you know I couldn't even really
speak I was coughing
it was awful I got back in my car and
George text me two words that just said
come home and then I just wrote back
okay he wrote back I'm not planning or
dying anytime
Sene and i just hysterically burst into
tears and went home now that that moment
was a absolute another kind of
life-altering moment but it wasn't
life-altering in that exact moment if
that makes sense because then what
unfolded in this or three weeks
following on from me going out and
having this moment where I went for it
and said to God you know you are real
it's now or never because I don't know
where else to turn it and God had never
been someone a force and an energy that
I had ever looked to previously but I
was I felt like I had nothing left in my
cup I had no place else to go
he was the only viable option left for
me to go to and what then happened and
what unfolded around George's death
which we maybe don't have the time to
discuss today was just supernaturally
unbelievably beautiful he died the most
glorified beautiful miraculous death
that was completely driven by sort of
the Holy Spirit just moving in and
taking residence in his room okay people
I'm just gonna play the out role now for
this part of the show but the next
episode should be available straight
away on your feed whether you using iOS
or Android and I hope you enjoy this
just as much as you've enjoyed this
first part of this incredible story from
Louise I know the next part certainly
gave me goosebumps especially when she
spoke about the supernatural stuff that
she experienced and I hope you enjoy it
too and once again thank you for all
your support and if you do get a chance
to leave this interview at the end of
the show I'd certainly appreciate it
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