Dating, Relationships, and Disability
95 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 1 year ago - ★★★★★ - 2 ratingsDating, Relationships, and Disability offers strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. Episodes feature guidance and practical advice on how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships.
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Episodes
41 - Why We Need Disability Pride in Dating
July 19, 2022 04:00 - 12 minutes - 8.38 MBIn the month of July, we’re celebrating Disability Pride. According to the Disability Community Resource Center, Disability Pride is defined “as accepting and honoring each person’s uniqueness and seeing it as a natural and beautiful part of human diversity.” Disability Pride is an integral part of movement building and a direct challenge of systemic ableism and stigmatizing definitions of disability. I believe we need to bring Disability Pride more into the dating scene as a way of beginn...
40 - What We Believe is What Others See
July 12, 2022 04:00 - 30 minutes - 20.7 MBEvery week when a new podcast is released, I send an email to people on my subscriber list with a little description of the podcast, along with the link to the free resource of the week. I’m not telling you that to get you on my email list, although of course, there’s a link in the show notes if that’s something that peaks your interest. I’m telling you this because last week the subject of the email was “What’s Wrong With You?” to go along with the episode title. I had one person answer th...
39 - "What's Wrong With You?"
July 05, 2022 04:00 - 17 minutes - 11.9 MB“What’s wrong with you?” Don’t you love that question. I have been asked this before, several times. It amazes me that I actually don’t recall a date ever asking me this one. For you who have been asked this on a date, or anywhere else in your life, I have the Perfect Answer. First, let me just say…I can certainly understand a five-year old asking this of someone living with a disability. I always use it as a teachable moment with kids and begin by saying, “I walk and talk differently (inse...
38 - Choosing Dreams Over Fear
June 28, 2022 04:00 - 16 minutes - 11.5 MBLet’s begin with a question, keeping in mind this is a podcast on dating and relationships. Are you choosing your dreams, rather than buying into sexual ableism? This can be a particularly good question to ask yourself this if you’re not having success in dating with a disability. You may not like that question and even be a little offended by it. But sometimes those harder questions and more specifically, the answers to them, point us in the direction we want to be heading in. I spent ...
37 - Lessons From the Pride Community on Dating With a Disability
June 21, 2022 04:00 - 15 minutes - 10.8 MBUnified Diversity, seems a contradictory term, doesn’t it? It’s a topic I believe we pay too little attention to in the Disabled community – our solitary with other diverse populations, as well with one another. As someone who has always been and will always be a “minority,” I feel such an affinity with others who are lumped in this ever-growing category. I, as a white, heterosexual woman, feel a particular kinship to the LBGTQ+ community. First and foremost because so many treasured frien...
36 - Holding Space for Discomfort
June 14, 2022 04:00 - 23 minutes - 16 MBMy husband and I recently celebrated the 15th anniversary of our first date. To me, 15 years feels like a milestone. It also got me thinking about first dates and initially meeting people. It can be very tenuous, especially when you live with a disability. People judge you, have perceptions of you that are frequently wrong, and may just dismiss you all together. And this can happen whether or not other people have disabilities themselves because we all process disabilities in very individual...
35 - Neurodivergency and Finding Acceptance
June 07, 2022 04:00 - 22 minutes - 15.8 MBToday I interview Ellen Merker, a Licensed Professional Counselor, who own Heart Consulting in Madison, WI. Heart Consulting works with people with developmental disabilities, physical disabilities, and mental illness; of all genders and gender identities, sexual orientations, race, socioeconomic status, religions, cultures, and ethnicity. Heart Consulting believes in empowering people with disabilities to live full lives with meaningful relationships, and works to do this through educati...
34 - What to Tell Yourself to Increase Dating Confidence
May 31, 2022 04:00 - 18 minutes - 12.9 MBLet’s face it -- dating with a disability can be hard! People can struggle to accept you and what you have to offer. It can certainly affect your self esteem and confidence. This is exactly why I specialize in ways to increase self esteem and confidence when dating. The best way to counter this is through affirmations, positive statements you focus on as a way of building your confidence. Not Faking It I want to be clear about something. Saying affirmations is about changing your beliefs....
34 - Why These Statements Work
May 31, 2022 04:00 - 18 minutes - 12.9 MBLet’s face it -- dating with a disability can be hard! People can struggle to accept you and what you have to offer. It can certainly affect your self esteem and confidence. This is exactly why I specialize in ways to increase self esteem and confidence when dating. The best way to counter this is through affirmations, positive statements you focus on as a way of building your confidence. Not Faking It I want to be clear about something. Saying affirmations is about changing your beliefs....
33 - Why "Everyone" Will Trip You Up
May 24, 2022 04:00 - 14 minutes - 9.74 MBDuring the many years I was single, the best advice I got was “You won’t be for everyone.” This came as a relief and it still surprises me that it was news to me at the time. Well, of course, I’m not for everyone! Duh! But why did I focus on “everyone” needing to find me attractive? I think my experience in putting a lot of weight and focus on the concept of “everyone” is a common dating trap. Today we’re going to challenge the concept of “everyone” needing to find you attractive, being c...
32 - What It's Like Having a Partner with a Disability
May 17, 2022 04:00 - 37 minutes - 25.8 MBEveryone I interview for this podcast is special, but I have to admit today's guest might be the most special. Today, we're talking my husband, Scott, about what it's like to have a partner with a disability. We also talk about: His version of our first date and that memorable evening? We’re coming up on the fifteenth anniversary of our first date. Scott talks about what he has learned in 15 years of having a partner with a disability. What are challenges he continues to experience. H...
31 -How to Break Up
May 10, 2022 04:00 - 15 minutes - 11 MBIt can sometimes be harder to break up with someone than be the one that’s being left. Break ups can be thoughtful and intended with love for both yourself and the other person. In this episode we’re going to over what you need to consider when breaking up with someone so that it’s done in a thoughtful and even loving way and not filled with drama. Check In With Yourself Listen to what you’re feeling and respect them. If something doesn’t feel right, trust that and communicate about it. As...
30 - Rejection
May 03, 2022 04:00 - 12 minutes - 8.53 MBIn any podcast about dating, at some point we need to talk about rejection. It’s a natural part of the dating process. Most of us endure rejection at some point. Rejection hurts and quite honestly, sucks. That said, the problem with rejection is we make it mean something negative about ourselves. What if we didn’t take rejection personally? Yes, I did just suggest you don’t take rejection to be about you. Hang on with me over the next few moments as I give you a different way of looking at r...
29 - How to Meet People
April 26, 2022 04:00 - 23 minutes - 16.5 MBOne of the most common questions people ask when wanting to date is how do I meet people. I certainly wondered about this when I was single. Most of my friends were married and by the time I was in my 30s, I really didn’t want to hang out in a bar. So how do you meet people? I have some ideas. As with much of what I recommend, it involves strategies and you’ll need to actually do it. Familiarity Familiarity sparks friendships and relationships, find activities you would like to regularly p...
28 - Attract, Don't Chase
April 19, 2022 04:00 - 13 minutes - 9.02 MBI recently heard the wisdom of “Attract, Don’t Chase” while listening to a business podcast. They were naturally talking about business opportunities but I think that is real sage advice for dating and relationships. Today’s episode will be short but very effective if you begin to practice it. Chasing Does Not Attract This is on a very small level, but for those of you on social media, have you encountered someone who sees you like their post or comment, reaches out to you to try to connec...
27 - Dating Strategy #4 - Having a Personal Plan to Take Action?
April 12, 2022 04:00 - 23 minutes - 15.9 MBToday we’re talking about the last strategy in our mini series on the four strategies for dating successfully with a disability. While all the strategies are critical, this is probably the most important one to do. Take action. Do something. Put yourself out there. Otherwise, how are you going to be successful dating? Over my career, both as a mental health counselor and as a teacher and trainer in dating and relationships, I have encountered countless people who so desperately want to date...
26 - Dating Strategy #3: Communicate Boldly and Positively About Your Disability
April 05, 2022 04:00 - 15 minutes - 10.5 MBToday we’re talking about strategy #3 in our four part series on four strategies for dating successfully with a disability. Strategy 3 is about looking at how you communicate about your disability. And I’m not just talking about disclosing your disability. Check out episode 12 for that. Today I want to discuss how do you talk about your disability in general. Is it positive? Affirming? How do you feel when you talk about your disability? This is an important indicator for potential dates....
25 - Dating Strategy #2 - How Do You Describe Yourself?
March 29, 2022 04:00 - 14 minutes - 9.92 MBWe’re back for strategy #2 in our mini series on the Four Strategies to Dating Successfully with a Disability. How do you describe yourself to potential dates? Do you sound like someone a person would like to get to know? Are you thinking “Ummm….I’m not sure?” Well, then we need to talk about that because how you describe yourself is SOOOO important. My friend, it actually begins with the dating profile. Now, I already did a show on the dating profile in episode #12. Go back and listen t...
24 - Four Strategies to Successfully Dating Mini Series
March 22, 2022 04:00 - 18 minutes - 12.7 MBWe’re beginning a mini-series over the next few weeks, based on my workshop, Four Strategies to Dating Successfully with a Disability. Each week I’ll give you bit size tips for how to tackle each strategy. The strategies are: Increasing “dating confidence” Writing a kick butt dating profile - even if you’re not doing online dating Communicating effectively with a date about your disability Developing a personal plan for how to TAKE THE RIGHT ACTION for dating success These strategies wi...
#23 - No Thumbs Required In This Relationship
March 15, 2022 04:00 - 48 minutes - 33.2 MBBryony Grealish is a food influencer, speaker, trainer, No Thumbs Chef Challenge show host, and is the owner of The Fingerless Kitchen, LLC. A Syracuse native, Brie is a wife and mom to two vibrant, sweet boys. She was born with a rare genetic condition called Ectrodactyly. Bryony uses her disability as a tool for change, showing the world that you don’t need thumbs to cook. The Fingerless Kitchen is changing perspectives and beliefs on what you thought was possible! The goal is to inspir...
22 - Managing Your Mind to Improve Dating
March 08, 2022 05:00 - 12 minutes - 8.61 MBI recently was working with someone on his mindset around dating. He was saying how he had difficulty seeing what he had to offer in a relationship, although he would desperately like to have one. He went on to talk about how he doesn’t have a job, how he doesn’t drive, how he hasn’t dated in a long time, and the list went on. When he got done, I asked “How much time do you spend thinking about what you DO have to offer?” He opened his mouth to say something and then laughed. “I never thoug...
22 - Managing Your Mind to Improve Dating
March 08, 2022 05:00 - 12 minutes - 8.61 MBI recently was working with someone on his mindset around dating. He was saying how he had difficulty seeing what he had to offer in a relationship, although he would desperately like to have one. He went on to talk about how he doesn’t have a job, how he doesn’t drive, how he hasn’t dated in a long time, and the list went on. When he got done, I asked “How much time do you spend thinking about what you DO have to offer?” He opened his mouth to say something and then laughed. “I never thoug...
21 - Sexuality Education with Katherine McLaughlin
March 01, 2022 05:00 - 39 minutes - 27.1 MBToday, I'm interviewing Katherine McLaughlin, CEO and Lead Trainer of Elevatus Training. Katherine is certified as a sexuality educator by AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) and is the Founder of Disability Workshops, now Elevatus Training. She is the author of Sexuality Education for People with Developmental Disabilities Curriculum and also develops educational materials for others to use in teaching and communicating. As national leaders in t...
Episode 20 - Who's Your Support System for Dating?
February 22, 2022 05:00 - 15 minutes - 10.4 MBSuccess in dating and relationships require support from people outside the relationship. This can be particularly true for people with disabilities. Because, let’s face it, dating in general is hard and dating with a disability can often be much harder, but very possible. We just need support along the way. Today we’ll discuss how to identify support and effectively use it. Why Having a Support System is So Helpful If you’re single, you need people to encourage you, listen to you, give y...
Episode 19 From Online Dating to Engaged
February 14, 2022 05:00 - 40 minutes - 27.9 MBI have such a treat for you today. If you’re listening to this episode close to when this episode is published, Happy Valentine’s Day! I know that Valentine’s Day can be a challenge for some of you who are out there dating so I wanted to offer you some inspiration today in the form of a happy, grounded couple. I’m interviewing Jessica Kramer and Seth Dikeman. Jessica is an Access Specialist at the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and Seth is a musician and a music instructor. I m...
Episode 18 - Heart of Relationships Virtual Conference
February 08, 2022 05:00 - 25 minutes - 17.8 MBToday we’re talking with Anna Hayek, Instructor and Heart of Operations at Mad Hatter Wellness, which specializes in sexuality and healthy relationship training. We talk about the resources and services Mad Hatter Wellness. Mad Hatter has in person and virtual trainings, as well as online courses. Upcoming Conference Mad Hatter has their annual Heart of Relationships happening now through February 18, 2022. It’s all virtual. Registration link in below. It’s a great way to connect with oth...
Episode 17 - Bringing Disability Into Relationships
February 01, 2022 05:00 - 21 minutes - 15.1 MBI once dated a guy who would say things to me like “I wonder how many people see us together and think you’re my client.” Yeah, very uncool. He also said, “My friend told me she thinks it’s so great that I’m dating someone with dating someone with a disability,” in a tone that was very heroic. Even further uncool to say. Needless to say, that relationship gratefully ended. It was a time in my life in which I was young and still didn’t know how to bring my disability into a relationship in an...
Episode 16 - Saying NO!
January 25, 2022 05:00 - 12 minutes - 8.94 MBI was originally going to do this podcast on boundaries, but I realized that what may be more helpful is to talk about the importance of saying NO as a way of developing healthy boundaries. We have to learn to say NO to what does not feel good or right. Never be afraid to say “NOOOO” to anyone. Communicate immediately to a person you trust if someone has done anything you’re uncomfortable with. Saying No to Subtle Discomforts It’s equally important that you say NO to interactions and commu...
Episode 15 - Safe and Strong in Relationships
January 18, 2022 05:00 - 15 minutes - 10.9 MBA foundation to success in dating and relationships is being safe and feeling empowered in all your interactions. This includes not being taken advantage of physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially. It also includes not being manipulated in any way. Freedom from abuse doesn’t always happen in dating and relationships. This is the case for people without disabilities and especially true for the disabled. We have to talk about this… According to 2017 U.S Justice Department statisti...
Episode 14 - Safety on Dating Sites and Apps
January 11, 2022 05:00 - 17 minutes - 11.7 MBLast week we discussed whether or not to use dating sites and apps. We talked about how that’s an individual choice and up to your comfort level. This week we’re talking about safety on dating sites and apps, not to mention, social media in general. Over the years I have heard from many people encountering others asking for money, credit card information, and pressuring to meet before somebody was ready. These events can lead to dating sites and apps feeling unsafe. Look Within to Feel Saf...
Episode 13 - Dating Sites and Apps
January 04, 2022 05:00 - 17 minutes - 12.3 MBI have to begin with one of the “disadvantages” I have in my work. I’m married, happily married at that. It’s a wonderful facet of my life, but it does give me a distinct drawback when knowing what are the best dating sites and apps out there. And of course, the information about dating sites and apps is always changing. So this is not a podcast about what the best sites and apps are, but rather the approach and mindset that would be the most helpful if you choose to do dating sites and apps...
Episode 12 - Your Dating Profile
December 28, 2021 05:00 - 15 minutes - 10.7 MBMany people think of a dating profile as being for potential dates to read and decide if they want to get to know you. While that is true, the dating profile gives you great clarity on your strengths and what you're looking for in dating and relationships. Writing a profile helps you get clear on the strengths and assets you bring to dating and relationships. The Real Purpose of a Dating Profile A dating profile is a brief description of who you are and what you’re looking for in a relatio...
Episode 11 - Disclosing Your Disability
December 21, 2021 05:00 - 14 minutes - 10.2 MBThis week we’re talking about a widely debated topic - when to disclose your disability to a date. Some people suggest waiting a while for people to get to know you. Others, including myself, recommend doing it right away, even in the dating profile. Ultimately, like with anything on this podcast, you need to do you. But for the purpose on today’s chat, we’re going to talk about the pros of disclosing either in a dating profile or soon after you are in contact with a potential date. Disclos...
Episode 10 - How to Cultivate the Power to Attract
December 14, 2021 05:00 - 19 minutes - 13.2 MBIn my Dating, Relationships, and Disability framework I talk about the Power to Attract, which is when you begin focusing on how you are attractive (in all ways - physically, emotionally, personality, etc) and how your disability adds to who you are, you will draw others to you that will think the same. You are completely in control of this. Why the Power to Attract is so important? People with disabilities can often feel like they’re not attractive enough due to the differences caused by...
Bonus Episode - Being Single During The Holidays
December 09, 2021 05:00 - 15 minutes - 10.7 MBIf you’re listening to this around the time it’s published, it is the holiday season and if you’re single, you may be having a hard time with feeling lonely and longing to be with someone. You are not alone. I recently asked a group of single people with disabilities about their feelings during the holidays. Their responses included wondering why they are still single, missing loved ones, and wanting someone to cuddle by the fire with. I remember feeling so lonely for many years during the ...
9 - Moving From Dreaming To Dating
December 07, 2021 05:00 - 15 minutes - 10.5 MBThis week we’re talking about what I think is the most important piece of DRD framework for getting results, Taking Action. Yes, actually taking all that you desire for dating and relationships and doing something, even taking risks and possibly failing at times, but moving forward toward what you want. This is important for you to hear: I think most people have a hard time initiating dating, or as I say, putting yourself out there. It’s scary and awkward and who wants to feel that? But Wh...
8 - "We All Want the Same Thing"
November 30, 2021 05:00 - 39 minutes - 27.2 MBThis week I have my first guest on the show, Pam Malin, from Disability Rights Wisconsin. Pam is an Advocacy Specialist and a Project Coordinator and has been working for decades to promote healthy relationships for people with disabilities. We talk about people need to speak up and advocate for their rights for healthy relationships. Pam talks about how her interest in healthy relationships began after learning about the high statistics of abuse among people with disabilities. The issue ...
7 - Got Problem Solving Strategies?
November 23, 2021 05:00 - 19 minutes - 13.3 MBThis week we’re discussing the last part of the DRD framework, developing problem strategies for being in relationship. When a relationship happens, it’s not all rainbows and sunshine. The ability to problem solve in dating and relationships is essential. Sometimes when problems emerge in a relationship, we feel scared and vulnerable. We may feel we’re inadequate or we’re being rejected. Sometimes we react by shutting down and that can destroy our relationship when in reality we may just h...
6 - I Met Someone, Now What?
November 16, 2021 05:00 - 17 minutes - 12 MBSometimes we can get so focused on the dating side of things, trying to attract someone, and trying to find the right person, we forget about the other 80% of work that comes from dating and relationships. That’s right 80% and that’s just my very rough, unresearched estimation of the amount of energy and skill involved in maintaining a relationship. This week we talk about the third component of the DRD framework - what to do when you have a relationship and how to nurture it. Relationships...
5 - Increasing Dating Confidence
November 09, 2021 05:00 - 14 minutes - 10.1 MBThis week we’re talking about the second core principle, or table leg, to my DRD framework- dating confidence. I hear frequently, and I felt this way also when I was single, “I’m pretty confident in general, but when it comes to dating, it’s another story.” Why is it the dating scene feels so much different than other areas of our lives? One word - vulnerability. Dating and relationships add this extra special layer of vulnerability when we’re in them that can affect confidence. Confide...
4 - Believing in Yourself, The Hardest Work
November 01, 2021 13:00 - 16 minutes - 11.5 MBThis week I begin to break down the four table legs, so to speak, on the DRD framework - believing in yourself. It’s certainly the hardest part of getting the whole dating and relationship piece to get nailed down. I believe mastering this will attract others to you more than looks, money, or what you’re able to do. Exactly what does it mean to believe in yourself? Sometimes believing in yourself - and I mean really believing to your unshakeable core - can take a while. It’s more than...
Potential As Dating and Relationship Partners
October 23, 2021 18:00 - 27 minutes - 18.7 MBOne of my overarching career goals is that people with disabilities (PWD) are seen more potential dating and relationship partners. What does this mean? For the Dating Relationships Disability (DRD) work I do, there’s the micro goal of the work I do with PWD to help them become more confident in dating and relationships, but then there’s the macro goal of changing the HEARTS (notice I didn’t say minds) of society so there is acceptance of the potential that PWD have to be dating and relation...
3 - Potential As Dating and Relationship Partners
October 22, 2021 18:00 - 27 minutes - 18.7 MBOne of my overarching career goals is that people with disabilities (PWD) are seen more potential dating and relationship partners. What does this mean? For the Dating Relationships Disability (DRD) work I do, there’s the micro goal of the work I do with PWD to help them become more confident in dating and relationships, but then there’s the macro goal of changing the HEARTS (notice I didn’t say minds) of society so there is acceptance of the potential that PWD have to be dating and relation...
What is Sexual Ableism?
October 22, 2021 14:00 - 20 minutes - 13.8 MBJust what is Sexual Ableism and why should I care about it? Definition and Examples What is it - Sexual ableism is a system of beliefs that beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in dating, intimacy, and relationships, suggesting the very presence of a disability implies inferiority. Sampling of Ableistic Beliefs Toward Sexuality Projections of people with disabilities as being “fragile” or “a potential victim.” Perceived need from caregivers to “protect” people from...
I’m Just So Uncomfortable
October 19, 2021 16:00 - 23 minutes - 16 MBLearn about the awkward, uncomfortable date that changed me and my life. It set me on the path of developing the Dating, Relationship, and Disability framework. Dating, Relationships, and Disability offers strategies, encouragement, and mindset tips on dating with a disability. Episodes feature guidance and practical advice on how to navigate sexual ableism, focus on your power to attract, and develop happy and healthy relationships. The basic principles of Dating, Relationships, and Disab...