Why are BPD feelings so BIG? (How explosive reactivity destroys our relationships)

People who identify with BPD symptomology are often described as having “no emotional skin.” As human beings, our skin protects us. Without our skin, we’d be much more likely to contract diseases. Our skin is our first line of defense.

For people with BPD, this idea of having “no emotional skin” means that we lack a buffer for intense emotions. This leaves us feeling raw and extremely sensitive to everything around us and within us. Something that other people might deem “no big deal” can completely throw us off kilter. It’s like we are one big open wound. Everything hurts just that much more.

Imagine how much the tiniest bump would hurt you had no skin. For people who identify with BPD, when something that someone else might perceive as “a little sad” happens, we are more likely to slip into what feels to us like all-consuming depression. When we experience what others may feel is a minor inconvenience, we might feel overwhelmed by anxiety-filled terror. A tiny mistake that another person may get over in a matter of minutes, could mean days of cringe-spiraling and self-loathing for the person with BPD. 

Questions answered and topics explored in this episode:

■ What are “BPD emotions?” 

■ What is emotional permanence and what does it have to do with BPD? 

■ How do people with BPD experience emotional dysregulation? 

■ Do people with BPD emotionally abuse their partners? 

Recommended resources: 

■ Martha Beck podcast interview about how deciding to quit lying for a year changed her life

■ Book | The Way of Integrity: Finding Your Path to Your True Self by Martha Beck

■ YouTube video further describing issues with emotional permanence and BPD

■ Article on how to deal with emotional impermanence 

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Disclaimer: information contained in this podcast episode is for educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for treatment or consultation with a licensed mental health professional.

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