To Hump A Pillow with Coach Ellen Melon

#65: How to talk about sex, before, during, and after pregnancy and post-partum - Relationship Series Part 3 with Mike and Ellen Melon

Part 3 of 7! This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics: How to talk about envious and jealous feelings How to talk about money and finances, spending habits Sex life - how it's changed over our relationship and how to ask for what you need On taking things too personally Maintaining individualism and ...

#64: How to talk about money, finances, spending habits - Relationship Series Part 2 with Mike and Ellen Melon

Dear listeners, pardon my absence! After taking a year off of the podcast, being pregnant, buying a house, having a baby, getting engaged, I am back and ready to share some new content on the podcast. This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics: How to talk about envious and jealous feelings How to talk abo...

#63: How to talk about jealousy and envy - Relationship Series Part 1 with Mike and Ellen Melon

Dear listeners, pardon my absence! After taking a year off of the podcast, being pregnant, buying a house, having a baby, getting engaged, I am back and ready to share some new content on the podcast. This season on To Hump a Pillow, I invite my fiance Mike to the podcast in a 7-Episode Relationship Series to discuss challenging conversations that occur in couple-hood. We'll deep-dive into 7 deliciously uncomfortable topics: How to talk about envious and jealous feelings How to talk abo...

#62. How to find a place for grief - with Coach Ellen Melon

How do you integrate painful losses into your life while living? Grief is something we in the United States are known to do poorly. Perhaps it's the European decent that curved our culture's inability to feel feelings, perhaps it's industrial era-based where we learned that there's no time in our 40 hour work week to sit with grief, or perhaps our modern day fear machines (the media) have signaled to our bodies, 'It's not safe here - eject from your body.'   Whatever got us here, grief...

#61. What does sex & relationship coaching look like - with former client Addison

In this episode we get to hear from a former client on his experience working with a sex and relationship coach. Addison and I worked for 4 months together back in January, meeting every 2 weeks via Zoom. Listen to the challenges he overcame in this episode.  I’m a coach who specializes in working with people pleasers, codependents, and people with anxious-attachement styles.  If you are someone who identifies with those labels, some challenges you might be having are… Being angry and b...

#60. The trick to using dating apps - a real convo with my boyfriend Mike

Welcome back to To Hump A Pillow! We're kicking off Season 4, our 20 episode season with episode #60 — on dating apps. When most of us think about dating apps, we roll our eyes at the thought of what a task that can be. “Dating apps suck” — a common refrain from most of my clients. I've said those word myself! What if the app isn’t the problem? What if you’re the problem?   I’ve always wanted to do an episode about dating apps, and now I’ve got the data and experience (my own and from ...

#59. How ayahuasca has enhanced our lives - with Hypnotherapist, Kate Bandmann

Ayahuasca is a powerful medicinal medicine that comes from the Amazon. It has been around for centuries, needs to be taken seriously, and is not for everyone. In this episode, fellow coach and healer, Kate Bandmann and I discuss our ayahuasca experiences — the terror and discomfort to the enhancements and growths. This is the last episode of Season 3! I'll see you in the fall when we kick off Season 4! Interested in work with a coach on your relationship style and sex life? Check out mor...

#58. Childhood emotional neglect, shame, and school shootings - A perspective on self-hate - with Coach Ellen Melon

In this episode, I fly solo in offering a different perspective on the Texas School Shooting. Yes, maybe it’s gun law reform and yes, it’s also hurting children in angry bodies. As more people feel disconnected, they grow angrier. Happy, secure children who have a sense of self don’t shoot up schools. It’s time to teach people how to process their childhood and FEEL THEIR FEELINGS.   I will discuss: My own experience of middle school and high school and what I noticed What is emotiona...

#57. What is your feeling on porn? - with Coach Jessica Childs

What are you thoughts and feelings on porn? How do you use it in your life? In this episode Sex Coach, Jessica Childs and I discuss our own relationship with porn. Episode adopted from Erotic Ed, a YouTube Channel that was deleted. Orignial recording date: 7/8/21 Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: Episode #10. Thinking about a career ...

#56. Relationship Tips: Skills for Repair - with Coach Jessica Childs

Do you avoid conflict? Does it feel like you're walking on eggshells in your home, in your relationships? Then you need some education around repair.  In this episode I pull out the Erotic Ed Archives — a YouTube Channel Show hosted by S x Coaches, Jessica and Ellen Melon – where we discuss the fundamentals of a repair conversation. Repair meaning, a hard conversation after an argument or rupture between 2 people. It's important to learn repair because it is a skill of empathetic listening...

#55. Penis size and satisfying women - with Sex Educator and Author, Kenneth Play

For those of you who struggle with not being enough — your body type, your penis size, your ethnicity — this is an episode for you. In this episode I interview international sex expert and sex educator, Kenneth Play. Named the “world’s greatest sex hacker” by GQ, he has been featured by more than one hundred media outlets, including The New York Times, Men’s Health, Cosmopolitan, Huffington Post, and Nightline. Kenneth is an Asian immigrant with an average-sized penis who lived most of h...

#54. "Dating Sucks But You Don't" - An authentic conversation with Dating Coach for Men, Connell Barrett

How do you show up as the genuine YOU in dating? How do you know when you’re performing? How can you ensure you’re being authentic?   In this illuminating episode, I invite Connell Barrett, Men’s Dating Coach, to talk about his book, about his journey toward becoming a dating coach, and his own relationship experiences. We talk about confidence and how it relates to trust — the foundation of a sustainable relationship.   Connell Barrett is the author of the best selling book Dating S...

#54. Dating Sucks But You Don't - An authentic conversation with Dating Coach for Men, Connell Barrett

  Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: https://datingtransformation.com/ https://www.facebook.com/groups/howtobeyourbestself/ https://www.instagram.com/datingtransformation/ https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCt-JnM8eimynPRxpQDgsirg   ____________________ Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach and Un-Educator, Ellen Melon can be f...

#53. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with best friend Amy Edler - Part 3 of 3

“We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I’ve always been able to be authentically received by them. Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re...

#52. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with best friend Hailey Hosler - Part 2 of 3

“We have to belong to ourselves as much as we need to belong to others. Any belonging that asks us to betray ourselves is not true belonging.” — Brene Brown, Atlas of the Heart Belonging is the key to intimate friendships. Never once have I felt the need to change myself or be someone else around Amy, Tom, or Hailey. I’ve always been able to be authentically received by them. Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re...

#51. How-to: Intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with dear friend Tom Wixo - Part 1 of 3

Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re having a tough day? When you’re experiencing shame? Not enough-ness? Guilt? Anger? Grief? It took me a long time to find these people and cultivate what we have, but here is a 3 Part Series with my support team and a peek behind the curtain into what our conversations look like (via phone because they all live outside MN). So many clients ask me: “How do I cultivate intimate ...

#51. How-to do intimacy and vulnerability in friendships - with dear friend Tom Wixo - Part 1 of 3

Who is your support team? Who are the people who know how to hold you (metaphorically and physically) when you’re having a tough day? When you’re experiencing shame? Not enough-ness? Guilt? Anger? Grief? It took me a long time to find these people and cultivate what we have, but here is a 3 Part Series with my support team and a peek behind the curtain into what our conversations look like (via phone because they all live outside MN). So many clients ask me: “How do I cultivate intimate frie...

#50. "Fawn: When No Looks Like Yes" — Authentic sexuality and receiving pleasure - with Sex-Educator & Researcher, Nischa Phair, Part 2 of 2

In this episode, I invite Nischa Phair back for a deep dive on receiving pleasure, authentic sexuality and how they are related. Nischa tells us about how pleasure “is relational thing” — it is an outward thing that we share. She talks about how authentic sexuality is a commitment to a process — something we might not always practice well, but try our best next time. She also speaks to some other off-topics like “collapsing the vanilla-kink duality,” “tend and befriend” behavior, and how bre...

#49. "Fawn: When No Looks Like Yes" — Her new book on the nervous system, ignoring red flags, and fawning - with Sex-Educator & Researcher, Nischa Phair, Part 1 of 2

  Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: https://www.nischaphair.com/site/about https://www.instagram.com/nischaphair/ Buy the book: https://www.nischaphair.com/fawn-book ____________________ Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach and Un-Educator, Ellen Melon can be found: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/ Facebo...

#48. "The Pleasure is All Yours" - her new book and the importance of somatic work - with Dr Rachel Allyn, Holistic Psychologist

Isn’t pleasure supposed to be gluttonous? Is too much pleasure a bad thing? Maybe. But not enough pleasure might be worse. “Pleasure” is a word many associate with sexual experiences. But pleasure sits alongside joy, gratitude, and our erotic energy – all the stuff that makes us feel alive. In this episode, Dr Rachel Allyn and I discuss how sex and pleasure were discussed in her home growing up, and what exactly is somatic therapy? Dr Rachel will tell us about her framework and practice of B...

#47. Informal sex stories - with Erotic Ed Somatic Coaches Jessica Childs and Ellen Melon

In this episode, sex coaches Jessica Childs and Ellen Melon compare sexual experiences. Raw, informal, honest, we share insight on what sex and intimacy are...messy, complex, playful, silly, and erotic. Originally recorded for Erotic Ed YouTube Channel on 8/5/21. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: https://www.facebook.com/OracleInt...

#46. Self-compassion practice: How to talk to your inner child - with Erotic Ed Somatic Coaches Jessica Childs & Ellen Melon

Do you know how to talk to yourself nicely during hard or frustrating times? During times of anger or being triggered? Did you know that our level of emotional neglect directly impacts our ability to self-regulate and self soothe (in healthy ways)? Interested in tools and ways to show yourself compassion? In this episode, Somatic coaches, Jessica Childs and Ellen Melon walk through what self compassion is and how it sounds. Learn how to nurture yourself – the way you never got from your pare...

#45. Deep-dive on boundaries and guided boundary mapping meditation - with Coach Ellen Melon

In this episode, Coach Ellen Melon does a deep dive on all-things boundaries — Her own experience with boundaries, the lineage of women before her and their lack of boundary-setting, finishing with a somatic boundary-mapping meditation that will help you better identify when a boundary has been crossed. If you are a codependent, people-pleaser, or someone with an anxious attachment style, this episode is for you. Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1...

#44. A guide to hook-up culture and casual sex for women - with Kink Coach & Author, Lia Holmgren

  Interested in working with a Somatic Sex & Relationship Coach? Apply for 1on1 or couples coaching with me: www.ellenmelon.com/intimacy-coaching ____________________ Links we talked about: Early to Bed Inya Sonnet Vibrator & Clitoral Suction: https://www.early2bed.com/?ref=ellenmelon Lia Holmgren: https://liaholmgren.com/ https://www.instagram.com/lia.the.trader/ Kink Shrink Article: https://nypost.com/2018/10/04/kink-shrink-whips-marriages-into-shape-with-bdsm-couples-coac...

#43. A story of recovery, postpartum motherhood, and overcoming resentment in married sex - with full-time mama, Madeline Clair

Here’s the thing about having kids — it changes everything. Your physical body, your mind, your hormones, your sex life, your sleeping life, what you eat, when you eat, and beyond. Many people don’t talk about all the sucky parts of child-rearing because of fear that they are “doing it wrong” or will be deemed “bad parents” but what NOT TALKING ABOUT IT actually creates is mothers’ beliefs that “there must be something wrong with me or my kids.” Postpartum anxiety and depression are a huge...

#42. Sex and relationship insights for drug addicts, alcoholics, and the sober community - with Life Recovery Coach, David Marion

What happens to us in relationships when there is substance abuse? When we numb and cope with alcohol or drugs? How do we behave in intimate spaces with people we love? How is our sexuality impacted?  In this episode, David Marion is going to give us some male insight into his own sex life and way of “relationshipping” over the course of his substance abuse journey and recovery journey. David and I discuss how substances ruined the ability to have strong secure relationships, the type of  ...

#41. How intimacy changes after kids, postpartum, and repair after an affair - with Life Coach for Mums, Kiri Honey

Motherhood is hard. I don’t even have kids and I know that. I have this amazing opportunity to speak with Kiri Honey, Life Coach for Moms whose mission is to inspire women to empower themselves to take the lead in their lives and relationships. To support them to take action that feels aligned and authentic to their wants and needs and on a practical level, help them focus on the key steps needed to rekindle the passion and fun in their relationships. In this episode we hear about Kiri’s e...

#40. Sexual abuse, religious trauma, and her healing journey - PART 2 of 2 - with Faith Deconstruction Coach Melanie Cain

In Part 2 of 2, we talk about the modern day Melanie is dealing with from her journey — real time hardships and repair in her relationship with her husband, being a mom during her coming off of pharmaceutical drugs and her psychosis, and observations around how her family treats and observes her, as well as the changes she is making as a mom. Her story is bold, raw, messy and gorgeous. If you are mom who is in the throws of family and religion and mental health, you should take a listen.  ...

#39. Sexual abuse, religious trauma, and her healing journey - PART 1 of 2 - with Faith Deconstruction Coach Melanie Cain

There’s a whole movement we're experiencing when it comes to religious shame and trauma. People are waking up, sick of being oppressed. The controlling nature of purity culture in religious communities has hurt women the most. In this episode Part 1 of 2, we hear a detailed story from Faith Deconstruction Coach, Melanie Cain about her religious upbringing. Trigger warning: This episode excplicitly talks about rape, assault, molestation, and other violence. Please take care of yourself as you...

#38. Grief, loss, and being alone - with Ellen Melon

Welcome back to Season 3! We are kicking off our first episode of the season with some real talk — like I know any other kind? ;) I’m going to share some findings around my experience with grief, loss, and being alone, aiming at giving you greater awareness into your own process, patterns, behaviors, fears — the uncomfortable stuff. This is the type of stuff we don't really want to look at because it’s painful. I’m going to share about my 48 hour weekend staying at a hermitage retreat ce...

#38. Grief, loss, and being alone - with Coach Ellen Melon

Welcome back to Season 3! We are kicking off our first episode of the season with some real talk — like I know any other kind? ;) I’m going to share some findings around my experience with grief, loss, and being alone, aiming at giving you greater awareness into your own process, patterns, behaviors, fears — the uncomfortable stuff. This is the type of stuff we don't really want to look at because it’s painful. I’m going to share about my 48 hour weekend staying at a hermitage retreat ce...

Becoming a Pleasure Priestess - The Journey of Self-Hate to Remembering My Worth

In this episode, I reveal my journey of becoming what I call a Pleasure Priestess. My journey of being a self-hating, angry, boundary-less woman to a self-compassionate, holistic, spiritually leader for women. Little did I know at the core of this was a very hurt and neglected inner child that needed healing. My holistic journey started in 2008 when I gave up dairy. My spiritual journey started when I was 27 and started thinking about my relationship with alcohol. My healing journey is lif...

#37. Fathers with daughters, Catholic shame, and quitting drinking - with Sam from Food for Worms Podcast

It’s not safe for men to show emotions in this lifetime. We’re working on it but it’s still not safe. Safety is necessary for ANYONE at ANYTIME to be vulnerable. I’ve hosted men’s groups and interviewed many men — the theme is always the same — “Quit crying or I’ll give you something to cry about, don’t be a pussy, man up, toughen up.” Male conditioning in our culture is homophobic, dissmissive, and insensitive. In this episode Sam Sarver, drummer, mailman, record-collector enthusiast, and...

#36. Being raised around women, the fear of STDs, and the erotic nature of Morticia & Gomez Adams - with Darien from Food for Worms Podcast

In this episode, I speak with Darien Washington, co-host of podcast Food for Worms about a lot of different stuff. We touch on his sexual upbringing – early sexual encounters, period sex, and porn usage. We talk about his work in in the music industry, managing a label during a pandemic. We also talk about childhood memories - being out past dark and getting in trouble. He shares with us his personal insights on being a black man in Minnesota, with all this racism and shootings in the back...

#35. People-pleasing, self-abandonment, and how to set boundaries - with Aparna Sagaram, LMFT

“How do I know if I’m a people-pleaser?” It’s also known as the need to prove your worth. In this episode 2 people-pleasers join forces to talk about the ways in which people pleasing has showed up for throughout our lives. As Brene Brown says, “If our self worth is not high, we are quick to change we are.” Aparna Sagaram, is an LMFT providing Mental Health Services since 2014, helping couples and individuals step into more authentic versions of themselves and heal relationships. We’ll...

#35. People-pleasing, self-abandonment, and how to set boundaries - with Aparna Sagaram, LMFT

#34. Toxic positivity, toxic optimism, and feeling your feelings - with Love Coach, Rosa Maxwell

You know the sensation you get when people discount your feelings? Like when you’re noticing a feeling and someone says, “Just think about something good or happy.” That’s toxic positivity. Being positive has become a new normal for moral correctness and it’s actually causing us harm. Toxic positivity is the belief that no matter how dire or difficult a situation is, people should maintain a positive mindset. It's a "good vibes only" approach to life. And while there are benefits to being ...

#33. Extended orgasm, feminine/masculine dynamics, and sensual practices from relationship experts - with Alicia and Erwan Davon

How the heck do you make time for sensuality and intimacy in your long-term relationship? In this episode, we are going to get some amazing perspectives from an expert couple... Erwan and Alicia Davon, the best Extended Orgasm teachers in the world and arguably the most comprehensive relationship teachers in the world, have been together for almost 20 years. We’re going to hear from them about their daily sensual orgasm practice, what they teach as pleasure experts, explore feminine/mascul...

#32. On fathers who set bad examples, porn, virginity, and erotic poetry - with Khaliq Sim

In this episode, we talk to Author, Provocateur, Agorist, and Freethinker, Khaliq Sim, about his sexual upbringing as a very religious virgin who loved to mack on girls, having a father who was the image of infidelity and objectifying women, his porn addiction, and his love for erotic poetry and spoken word. Khaliq Sim, (also known as Pablo Zambrano) grew up in NYC and just recently during the pandemic, relocated to Florida. He tells us why.  We talk a little bit about his book, Journey Th...

#31. Holistic kink and conscious sex - with Mr. Dex Parker

What is holistic kink? Conscious sex? Sexual fluidity? Energetics of sex? We’re gonna find out. In this episode, adult performer and coach, Mr. Dex Parker gives us a lesson in what to means to be an authentic sexual being. We’ll discuss his sexual upbringing, how he found himself in making adult content, and male conditioning — what society labels as “masculine” and the pressures that come with it. We unpack stigma and self-pleasure through his article, called, “Sexual Fluidity & Playing wit...

#30. How to set the stage and actively engage your kids in “the sex talk” - with Natajsa Visser

How do you talk to your kids about sex? One conversation and done? Or start to lay bread crumbs from when they are young all the way to adolescence? Natajsa Visser has some great solutions and frameworks to help parents get some perspective on the topic. In this episode, we’ll discuss how her parents talked to her about sex – growing up in a religious household – how to approach “the talk” targeting mistakes parents should avoid, what age should your child be dating, how to define love, and ...

#29. Inside the life of a Female Dominatrix in NYC - with Goddess Aviva

What influences someone to become a Female Dominatrix? What does it look like in the room with Female Dominatrix? How does this career influence your personal life? In this episode Goddess Aviva, NYC Lifestyle Female Dominatrix, will tell us all about her career in sex work for the past 6 years. We’ll hear about her sexual upbringing (how was sex talked about in the home, at school, among peers), the stigma of sex work — how this industry is still looked down upon — and having worked with so...

#28. Male conditioning, male bashing and how we’re socialized - with Ellen Melon

#27. Relationship insights on emotional availability for anxious attachment styles and codependents - with Ellen Melon

I’ve been dealing with Emotional Availability (well, the lack of it), for the first time in a relationship over the past 9 months, witnessing myself exhibiting behavior that makes me go, “I don’t like who I’m becoming” and feeling an overall sense of disempowerment. This is a very personal podcast episode where I’ll share some insights from my own intimate relationship and some patterns I’ve noticed myself exhibiting, like anxious attachment and codependency. In this episode, I’m going to ...

#26. Breathing: Our natural regulator and path to orgasm - with Ellen Melon

“When you own your breath, no one can steal your peace.” I have to confess: I heard this a lot in my 20s and now that I’m in my 30s, I get it and see the value. As an Aquarius, an Air Sign, who has struggled with breathing her whole life, this episode educates you on the powerful tool we all have within us to calm ourselves down. Call it breathwork, call it meditation, call it mindfulness, call it embodiment.  We’ll begin with my background of improper breathing. Then I’ll teach you abou...

#25. Kinks, Fetishes, and deeply understanding BDSM - with Wild Raychel

Wild Raychel is going to tell us all about kink, feitsh, BDSM, and more. Rachel is on the path to becoming a sex & relationship coach specializing in kink & feitshes for people who are looking to get started in BDSM and don’t know where to begin or are intimidated of the community. She has been experimenting in the kink scene since 2016 but has been tapped into her own sadomasochism and power exchange fetishes for much longer than that. She boldly shares with us the fantasies she’s hot for...

#24. Religious cults with their oppression of female pleasure and healing through BDSM — with Rachel Overvoll

In this episode, Rachel Overvoll shares her story of growing up in a religious cult and its oppression of female pleasure, her healing through BDSM, a real example of an erotic consent conversation, and shares her observations and experiences in non-monogamy vs monogamy. Rachel and I are peers in the Somatica Institute Relationship and Sex Coaching Program.She and I are cut from the same cloth in that we hold back nothing — she tells us how she freed herself from the cult but is still unle...

#23. Our sexual values in partnerships and role play conversation about masturbation and porn - with Dr. Susie Gronski

Sexual health is now considered as one of the four pillars of health: Physical, Mental, Spiritual and Sexual. In this episode, Dr. Susie Gronski and I discuss the 6 Sexual Health Principles: Consent, Non-Exploitation, Honesty, Shared Values, Protection, Pleasure. She is a physical therapist specializing in male pelvic floor dysfunction and pain for people with penises — Sexual health is very important to her and she has spent a lot of time understanding it. We’ll hear from Dr. Susie about ...

#22. The Art of Holding People Accountable for Leaders - with Ellen Melon

Leadership. Where is it? Who has it? Where has it gone? To be a leader you must be courageous — At least that’s what our history books tell us. But what does courage mean? What does it look like? For me, I think it looks like leading with vulnerability and being able to hold myself accountable. In this episode, I discuss the art of holding people accountable, Brene Brown's Armoring Up Process, her empathy and shame research, and sharing some raw personal examples of how I armor up and how ...

Good Boy, Hush (The Femme Domme Call to Arms)

Good Boy, Hush (The Femme Domme Call to Arms) by Ellen Melon Produced by Jonah Weingarten and Tony Prestin Music by Jonah Weingarten Lyrics by Ellen Melon Vocals by Ellen Melon Back-up vocals by Mallory Jacobson and Jonah Weingarten Genre: Satire https://soundcloud.com/ellenmelonshow/good-boy-hush-a-call-to-arms-for-femme-dommes   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ellenmelonshow/ Twitter: https://twitter.com/EllenMelonShow Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ellenmelon...