Thot Topics
175 episodes - English - Latest episode: 13 days ago -Thot Topics is a podcast with the bravery to stare into the void and ask God’s question: ”Do I look fat in these jeans?” Every week, Nick Malone and Cris Lopez slow-motion dive into music, culture, and politics, then emerge soaking wet with 100% certified accurate takes for your listening pleasure. If you’ve ever felt gaslit by gay Twitter, or by a sizing chart while online shopping, this will be the sisterhood of a lifetime.
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Episodes
Now That’s What I Call Mother!
March 02, 2023 20:52 - 1 hour - 159 MBWe've come together for an emergency session to address the end of the word "mother" and the woman who delivered the death blow: Meghan Freakin Trainor, Queen of PAWGs. Naturally that's not all: we discuss the pathetic state of everyday mens' fashion, the Chicago mayoral race (including a heartfelt tribute to our muppet queen Lori Lightfoot), and how to say various cuss words in sign language. We give Kali Uchis and rightwing bodybuilder Twitter a piece of our mind too. Is it evil to drin...
Ass Wednesday Pt. 1: Asses to Asses!
February 23, 2023 15:00 - 1 hour - 116 MBWe're back with a vengenace! (We're=Onika,Vengeance=Burger) We know we left you ladies hanging last week so this week we're unleashing a double-wide super-soaked hot-and-horny God-fearing two part special. We've accepted a truly prime list of topic suggestions from our listeners and get to the emotional heart of whatever mentally ill behavior went down online the last few weeks. The first chapter is free for all, but if you want the FULL tea, you'll have to join the Thot Topics sisterhood ...
The Thot 100 AKA Balls Deep In Love!
February 02, 2023 18:10 - 1 hour - 163 MBIt was a slow news week so we decide to take the cultural temperature-- by performing an in-depth review of the current Top 15 on the Billboard Hot 100. What does the presence of Bebe Rexha mean for America? Is Miley Cyrus "Flowers" astroturfed or do people really like this shit? Does mummy know that daddy's getting hot at the bodyshop? ALL is revealed. But that's not all: we christen Cris's new apartment and talk gnocchi, firemen, sniffing snuff, specialty donuts and OF COURSE... MAGIC MI...
Statutory Grape! (Preview)
January 27, 2023 14:00 - 17 minutes - 32.6 MBPATRONS ONLY! You wouldn't get it. Subscribe on Patreon for the rest of the episode. In our iciest and spiciest episode yet, we hold a bookkeeping powwow ahead of tax season: why didn't anyone tell us we were supposed to set aside money from the Patreon to give to the government? It's not like JOE BIDEN stuck out his fucking NECK to tell the truth about Tinashe... With the chips stacked and the coins counted, we turn to the news in Gay Guy World. First, we review the new Kim Petras single...
The Director’s Cunt!
January 19, 2023 15:17 - 1 hour - 206 MBWe're back-- and this time, it's pussonal... In this double-wide spectacular, we let out a lot of extremely complicated, unique, and sexy emotions: RAGE: We talk about the unjust cancellation of Betsey Brown's Actors screening at the Music Box Theatre, and psychoanalyze our haters. ENNUI: If your parents raised you to love fast food is it ever possible to learn portion control? REGRESSION: Are children's movies like PUSS IN BOOTS and its "highly realistic cat panic attack" actually desig...
Harajewku Girls! (Trailer)
January 12, 2023 14:00 - 7 minutes - 13.7 MB**PATRONS ONLY. TRAILER FOR THE POOR!** In our inaugural episode of the Year of the Rabbit, we get little crazy and Asian up in here! It's RICH! First, we have a little bit of much-needed girl time: Nick tells the story of his engaygement, and Cris recounts his trip to the Camein Guylands. Plus, we discuss Apple's behavioral issues, and not caring about the environment. But that's not all: we give our first impressions of the "lovely ladies" of Season 15 of Drag Race (it takes longer tha...
Thotline 4: Call of Judy AKA Hello Floperator!
December 30, 2022 01:49 - 2 hours - 238 MBDear Thot Topics, I wrote you but you still ain't callin'! I left my cell, my pager, and my home phone and I'm a bottom! In our final episode of 2022 we take the crisis calls of our beloved, deeply troubled listeners. Talk about a therapy sesh! Let us in those ears mama! We talk about getting over your fear of gay men, how to date when it seems like all gay guys are libtards, giving up on monogamy, dropping the R word in the workplace, and SO much more. Cheers to the new yearz baby! Follo...
Rock Paper SZA!
December 17, 2022 21:43 - 1 hour - 192 MBThere should be an option for me to tag whether or not we got drunk for the episode because it's honestly way more offensive than "strong language" We're back to run a 2 hour long Meghan train on your earholes with the week's most riveting topix. (It was slim pickings honestly but I think we did okay.) First, we review the nefarious homosexual finale of THE WHITE LOTUS and decide what secret homophobic messages Mike White is trying to whisper through the ether. THEN, we talk about the ...
The Chelsea Boot Handshake!
December 01, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 215 MBThe girls are girlinggggg! Welcome back to the newly expanded Thot Topics lounge! Unbuckle your girdle and take your panties off because it's about to get extremely raw up in here. Sorry to have kept you waiting so long but we promise we won't leave you again for the next set of holidays... This week, we allow the Patreon sisters to be our memory for the last two weeks and we chime in on everything that's happened: the Grindr IPO, the nonbinary luggage thief, Spotify Wrapped, our poten...
*UNLOCKED* I Know Why The Caged Barb Sings! (feat. Zach Langley Chi Chi)
November 27, 2022 21:19 - 1 hour - 219 MBSowwy (〃＞＿＜;〃) We're on a little unexpected turkeylicious holiday hiatus but we'll be back in your little ears ASAP! In the meantime, we're cracking open the vault to tide you over: this is our Patreon-exclusive episode with Zach from I'm So Popular in which we rank Nicki Minaj's discography
Full-Cunt Press!
November 10, 2022 16:39 - 1 hour - 174 MB{Batting a home run} It's giving... giving... GAAAAVEEEE! Things get a little spicy this week and the spice in question is Sporty! From deep within the pussy part of the Venn Diagram between straight men and gay men, we talk about what separates us and what unites us. Sports! Sleep patterns! Being goofy and silly! And so much more. In light of the midterm elections in Illinois, we also talk about which women we would show up to the polls for if they were running for President. What say th...
Eternal Sunshine of the Thotless Mind!
November 03, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 129 MBWhen Adele turned 25 all she could come up with was "Hello". We made this episode, so CATCH US IF YOU CAN BITCH! We're back! It's been a minute since we've had some private girls time so we take a moment to catch up on our personal lives as we both gear up to enter our dreaded mid-twenties. We reveal a hair care SHOCKER, report our own fashion crimes, and think about what makes you a grownup. We attempt to cover some actual topics, and we do sort of touch on two: we review Rihanna's ne...
Hoes on the Beach! (feat. Morgan)
October 24, 2022 23:30 - 38 minutes - 71.2 MBShe jack my ant til it off... she jacks on my antonoff til i... uhhh Alright, it's another patrons-only one this week-- not because we don't value ALL our sisters equally but we get pretty drunk during this one and name drop a lot of people we went to high school with so we've gotta put this one in jail. We're joined in the stu' by friend of the pod MORGAN for our scathing assessment of Taylor Swift's new steaming slop pile. We reach inside and pull out the TRUTH! But baby you know that's ...
Happiness is a Butterface!
October 15, 2022 00:13 - 39 minutes - 72.7 MBThis week, we attempt what is likely the most difficult challenge in the history of the program: we comb through a bracket of Lana Del Rey's discography and attempt to crown ONE SONG as the supreme. All factors are considered, all truths are weighed, and we think you'll love how the dust settles. Or maybe you won't. Sue us! But naturally that's not all. During the 40 minute long preshow (lol) we discuss Nick's vaccination tweet and FOLLOW YOUR GUT NO MATTER WHAT 2023. Not only that: we do a...
Ballad of the Bussgina!
October 04, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 201 MBWhat if Trump's platform in 2024 was bringing back tops that suck and slurp on bussy lips... We've just completed negotiations to be Lena Dunham's pallbearers when the horrible day inevitably comes, but in the meantime we've convened for a high-intensity GIRLS CHAT! This week, we pull a Jeffrey Dahmer and gobble up the news! Yum yum yum! First, we talk about the obsession with true crime and why "real" violence just isn't cutting it anymore-- IS it healthy to spend all your free time liste...
Total Vageniuses!
September 23, 2022 15:00 - 11 minutes - 20.3 MB**PATRONS ONLY EPISODE** To give, or not to give: THAT is the question. Wanna know our answer bitch? We're back to cracktion and ready for the first episode following the fall shequinox. And you know what that means: no more hearing my loud A/C unit in the back of every episode! LOL. YAY!!! This week, we catch up as sisters for a good while, mostly to psychoanalyze Cris and his recurring The Biggest Loser dream. But that's not all: we kind of review Bjork's new single ATOPOS and talk abou...
Hold the Girls!
September 17, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 166 MBWe heard that the big titty woodshop teacher is actually the headmaster... wanna know she got THAT name? We're back! Finally there was some good fucking FOOD on the timeline this week, so we really dig deep. First, we review Rina Sawayama's new album HOLD THE GIRL and really get carried away with our... strong feelings on the matter. Then, we go back to black: mermaids that is. We talk about the Little Mermaid remake and get to the bottom of whether Halle Bailey is an instrument of the...
Fergalicious Debt!
September 02, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 184 MBFergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt. Fergalicious debt... debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt debt Fergalicious debtfinition make Joe Biden pay me This week, we put on our lab coats to explore the dark side of Bro-tox: injecting toxins into your asshole; the final frontier for gay monstrosity. Is it worth risking incontinence to put more PP in your butt? We get to the BOTTOM of it. Teehee! Then, we talk about MAGA Barbie Sydney Sweeney and make her pay for the sick and twisted cri...
Wuthering Rights!
August 19, 2022 15:38 - 1 hour - 182 MBNO ONE IS TALKING ABOUT THIS!!! We're baby got BACK and this week we're SETTLING IT. ONCE AND FOR ALL! We go through the annoying Twitter thread of the week wherein one GAY user asks: "What in the LGBT community do we need to talk about more??" If you immediately thought "nothing" then this is the episode for you. We settle the age-old debates of homosexuality, from the right people not wanting to fuck you, to "queer spaces that don't involve alcohol or sex." Now there's NO NEED to talk...
Judy Calls! (Extended Preview)
August 12, 2022 14:00 - 30 minutes - 55.8 MBDisease strikes the Thot Topics Lounge and the girls are separated by FOUR WHOLE CITY BLOCKS by Nick's late-game Covid diagnosis. More like BLOWMIcron am I right? Covid may be able to keep us apart but it CAN'T extinguish our spirit, and this episode is just as sassy and girly as ever. While Nick repeatedly hacks up a lung on the air, we cover a LOT of ground. Nick's trip to the deep south inspires us to ask: is homophobia real? Is being a libtard an appropriate response to being gay? Is M...
Abuelas in STEM!
July 23, 2022 21:48 - 1 hour - 157 MB⚠️ Time to BeRetarded. ⚠️ TRUST THE SCIENCE. *Our* science. Thank God you guys have us to solve this pubic-- oh, sorry, public-- health crisis. We have the way out of the Monkeypox jungle, and here's a hint: ixnay on the ettinggay uttednay inyay! But naturally, that's not all! We monkey around and defend Elon Musk's enlarged ribcage, and talk about the lady who let some guy fuck her thigh crease until he came and how that apparently qualifies her to talk about abortion? Whatever. We do...
Bladees and Gentlemen!
July 15, 2022 19:45 - 3 minutes - 5.95 MBALERT! NO MORE MR. NICE GAY! We now have enough paying sisters to keep satisfied that we are changing our schedule-- we'll be alternating every week between free and paid episodes. If you don't like it, blow us! Or send us $4 on Patreon and gain access to every episode, every week. This week is paid, but it's a real banger episode-- you definitely don't want to miss babe. Pollen: It's the Reason for the Sneazin'! We're back, and not a moment too late! This week, the girls have a therapeuti...
Blow v. Trade!
July 07, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 158 MBWe asked Biden if he'd swear us onto the SuCREAM court, but he said we weren't qualified, cuz that thang be squirtin'! We return after our triumphant centennial episode to bravely offer our highly sought-after takes on politics. We know it's your favorite-- we're so good at it! We predict whether gay marriage will survive the decade, but also ask some more fundamental questions: How does plumbing work? Is diet soda actually zero calories? Is abortion giving, or is it not? Let it be muthaf...
RuPaul’s Case Race AKA The 100th Episode Power Hour!
June 26, 2022 14:00 - 1 hour - 219 MB100 EPISODES!!!! To the moon, Alice! The goon palace! The long-awaiting Thot Topics centennial is upon us, and to celebrate our womanniversary we reached out to listeners like YOU to construct the WHEEL OF WHORETUNE-- over 70 topics were submitted for consideration and we got through a surprising amount of them! Round and round she goes-- where she stops, NOBODY knows! It's the ultimate test of podcasting endurance and we pass with flying colors. Also we got literally so drunk. POWER HOUR...
Portrait of a Lady on Fire Island!
June 10, 2022 15:25 - 1 hour - 183 MBThough Pride Month may be upon us, at Thot Topics HQ it's NO MORE MR. DIONYSE GUY!! I really thought we'd gotten all the rage out on the last solo episode but apparently not! This week, gay guys really gave us a LOT to chew on and boy did it taste like SHIT! After a little bit of girly chitchat on the job market, we dive right into our review of Hulu's new gay "rom-com" FIRE ISLAND. Should Fire Island people stay there forever? Is continuing to fuck randos a satisfying end to a love story? ...
Thotline 3: God Reads Kneemail! (feat. @bulkingtreason)
June 03, 2022 20:19 - 1 hour - 200 MBThere's NO business like YO business, so you know we had to get up in there like swimwear! As part of our court-ordered 80 hours of community service, we reach out to broken-brain gay guys, pure-hearted young women, and straight guys who like us for whatever reason, to fix their lives Iyanla-style. And there's no shortage of crises to resolve-- is personal grooming for men too gay? Is there a way to break the gay frenemies cycle in the workplace? Is it ever a good move to move home with y...
The Diet Dr. Pepper Socialist!
June 01, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 171 MBSQUEEZE the means of production. MILK the bourgeoisie for all it's worth. SUCK the power out of billionaires. RIDE into the perfect Marxist future. SLURP that dick till it cum. We're back! We know we've kept you waiting for a hot minute so we really play the hits on this one. First order of business is addressing Nick's haters: does thinking the bus is gross make you pedophile? Are you a Nazi for wanting to stop school shootings? Can you eat food or drive cars in good conscience under soc...
*UNLOCKED* Gay Little Monkey Hour #4: C.O.C.K. in the USA (feat. Twink Revolution)
May 29, 2022 16:56 - 1 hour - 172 MB**PATREON EXCLUSIVE UNLOCKED** Cris is sick so we couldn't record an episode this week, but we'll be back on schedule this week including the new THOTLINE episode!! In the meantime, here's an offering from the VAULT to tide you over in the meantime. This land is. WHAT? This land is. WHO? This land is. OUUURR LAND We're back in the Gay Little Monkey Jungle swinging from tree to tree with a couple of skinny little apes: Sam and Gian of the defunct but never de-spunked TWINK REVOLUTION. Give...
Ketayours, Ketamine, and Ketaours! (feat. Sydney)
May 19, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 201 MBWOMAN MOMENT!! Thot Topics history is made once again as we invite the second woman in nearly 100 episodes into the Women's Business Lounge-- beloved friend of the pod, the gorgeous SYDNEY! And you're in for a real treat because nothing enables us to fag out more than being in a girl's apartment. This episode also features a lot of feline mischief in the background-- meOW! We perform a wellness check on the culture as we approach the halfway mark of 2022-- we review our In/Out list for 2022...
Stream of Cuntciousness!
May 13, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 144 MBNo thots! Head empty! Durrrrrr duhhhhhhh We tried so hard to come up with something to talk about today and every time we attempted to start a topic it seemed really stupid and gay so we decided to throw caution to the wind and let our fuckin' freak flags fly! Over an HOUR of no topics, no structure, no effort, just pussyliciousness. Maybe if this episode was for PATRONS we'd give more of a FUCK! We literally talk about NOTHING! But in a way, what DON'T we talk about? Fat rights, Marsha P...
Silence of the Ma’ams!
May 04, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 183 MBWe're girls with a passion for cryptofascion! Clear the runway because it's officially OVER for fatties and uglies. We're back for the first solo episode of the GAY 4 MAY BLITZ-- for our greatest trick of all time, we're going to put out TWO EPISODES EVERY WEEK for the month of May. 1 for patrons, sisters, and true BELIEVERS in the Thot Topics mission-- and one for broke faggot haters. This episode is randomly a super dark one. Like it or not, we contain multitudes. Cry about it! We ta...
Meateorologists!
April 22, 2022 16:15 - 1 hour - 146 MBHave you ever wanted to hear two drunk childless gay twenty-somethings talk about how to protect our next generation of leaders against the forces of gender terrorism? Well NOW is your hourlong CHANCE! In our world, LGBT stands for Let's Get Big Titties and if that's wrong then we don't wanna be right! Not to alarm anybody but I think this might be the best take on the Don't Say Gay bill that anyone has ever had on the entire planet? We have a docket of three topics but literally get so dis...
Get Off Your Bi Horse!
April 17, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 207 MBAnd baby there AIN'T NO MOUNTAIN BIIIII ENOUGH. AIN'T NO VALLEY LOWWW ENOUGH. AIN'T NO RIVER WIIIIDE ENOUGH Biiii like an eagle... To the seaaaaaa Happy Sheaster! We're back! We know we shouldn't have kept you waiting... but we're here now. Playtime is officially OVER and we're back to tackle the world's biggest issues: you guessed it. Whether it's worse to have a cheating man or a bisexual man. TRUST US, it's settled. OFFICIALLY! But that's not all, we put on our queer theory hats and f...
Gay Little Monkey Hour #2: INTERIOR DELUSIONS LOUNGE ft. TUCKER WILDE (Preview)
April 01, 2022 15:00 - 2 minutes - 3.86 MB***PATRONS ONLY*** GET OUR MONEY UP ON PATREON BITCH. Well, this one's a bit of a buzzer-beater (Basketball reference, teehee!) but we TOLD you we'd get you one premium episode per month!! This week, we're setting aside our SWERF tendencies and embracing our new bestie TUCKER WILDE, Dallas's premiere bona fide gay porno starlet! It's a sexy little pillow fight you DON'T want to miss. This month's game involves us doing our absolute best to rank the Drag Race girls of history-- we do a...
Encunto!
March 28, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 175 MBLin Manuel Miranda presents the premiere Thot Topics musical event of the season, ENCUNTO, a journey through the latinx heart and a touching story for the whole family about the power of love, community, and apple cherry coochie clit. We're back! And not a moment too late. First, we perform a wellness check on one another-- taking stock of our respective fitness journeys before taking a look at Nick's expense report from the past month. PLUS, we provide our very first on-air recipe. It's di...
To F*ck a Predator!
March 18, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 145 MBGAYLIEN VS PREDATOR. WHO WILL EMERGE VICTORIOUS IN THE BATTLE OF THE ANCIENTS??? It's a good old fashioned Thot Topics romp and we must've been pretty hangry because there's a lot of yelling on this one! We go knock-knock-knockin' on three different gay guy's doors to cuff that ass and throw them in the SLAMMER where they belong. And you'll never guess where we put the key ;) A great deal is resolved in a cosmic sense. First, we feel obligated to review Charli XCX's new snoozefest CRAS...
Get Your F**king A** Up and Work: The Kim Kardashian Story!
March 11, 2022 17:33 - 1 hour - 156 MBSomeone help! I think I smell a yaaas leak! In our triumphant return following our star-crossed meeting with Slayyyter, we're back to business as usual-- talking shit about gay guys online. First, we do a little bit of catching up on our personal lives and talk about THE WAR. Then, it's on to more important things. First, we speculate on a certain Twitter gay's new surrogate baby. Should gay guys have babies? Does there need to be a mom? Do WE want children? Is surrogacy okay? Can you ...
Fellatiosaurus Rex! (feat. Slayyyter)
February 28, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 160 MBIn a historic girls' chat that was predestined-- carved on an ancient tome and locked deep beneath the earth for centuries-- we are joined by the one and only motherfuckin' goddamn SLAYYYTER in her podcasting debut. EVERYTHING is exposed. And you KNOW I mean our tits! It's impossible to summarize just how important the content of this episode is. It's basically the fucking State of the Union address. We bond as new besties, dish on Slayyyter's highly decorated career, and talk Shamrock Shak...
Ukraine On Me!
February 24, 2022 21:35 - 1 hour - 138 MBChernobyl you betta don't! We're back for another solo episode and this week, we're Putin on the ritz and launching a full-scale ATTACK on Charli XCX. Crimea river! But first, there's important business to attend to-- from reflecting on whether or not college was worth it, to revealing how much our rent is, to performing a wellness check on each other as we continue our new jobs. It's sisterly, you'll love. Then, it's down to business- we discuss whether video games are bad for you....
Misters Before Sisters! (feat. Betsey Brown & Peter Vack)
February 17, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 120 MBHey girl, what's Vack and Brown and CUNT all over? Just WAIT until you hear the answer... We return for the first episode of SHAMROCK SHAKE SEASON to have the Thot Topics Barbara Walters Power Hour with stars, siblings, movers, shakers, and now canon members of the Thot Topics Universe-- BETSEY MUTHAFUCKIN BROWN and PETER GODDAMN VACK. We dive deep into Betsey's feature film debut "ACTORS" mere days before its theater debut. We've got it like that, babe. We talk breasts, babies, brothers, c...
M&Mpty Inside!
January 28, 2022 15:00 - 1 hour - 173 MBM&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Body crazy curvy wavy big titties little waist, M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M&M Abuse: Do you deserve it? We hope you have a list of hotlines posted to your refrigerator because this one's gonna be a bumpy ride! BUT, not before we get some small potatoes out of the way. First, we perform a wellness check-- Cris reveals the dark dangers of working from home and how you can bring yourself back into the light, and both the girls take a stand for the power of interacting w...
Vodka Platonic!
January 22, 2022 03:04 - 47 minutes - 86.3 MBWe screwed the pooch on this one guys. My MacBook ran out of space while we were recording (but it didn't tell me that until AFTER we recorded for like 40 minutes) and now we're stuck with a sort of incomplete episode... but we didn't want to leave you hanging! The front half of this is a classique girls chat... and the back half, well... turn your volume up. At your own risk. LOL. May wind up keeping this one patrons-only but we'll see. The IKEA episode quality was WAYYYY worse. I decided ...
Crappy Jew Year! (feat. @goodboygremlin and @cockmurdock)
January 16, 2022 19:23 - 1 hour - 175 MBIt's officially 2022, and we're resolving to TEAR! In yet another triumphant return to form following a brief(ish) hiatus, we are back to take stock of all that went down in 2021-- from boiled cats, to gay throuples, to Nicki Minaj's couins balls. We really do it ALL. We run a fine-toothed comb through a meticulously constructed timeline of the past year-- and decide which events GAVE and which events WERE NOT GIVING. Obviously it's a lot of gay screaming and irrelevant bullshit but there...
Pedofeeling It!
December 17, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 163 MBCuz when youuu're-- 15 and somebody tells you they love you, you gotta report themmm... The girls face the end of the Year of the Ox-- and girl, you know they have to pull the cart, girl. We do a light bit of girly catch-up chitchat before launching into the week's most pressing matters. In what can only be described as an extremely pro-woman episode, we defend a woman's right to hate pornography, a woman's right to fall in love with a teen, and a woman's right to spontaneously grow comic...
Cis Me, I‘m Guyrish!
December 10, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 162 MBI'm twenty-five years old... and I don't know how to gape... We're back and on schedule! We told you we wouldn't keep you waiting. Hush now-- mommy and mommy are here. This one's a doozy so hold on tight-- keep it ALL tight if you can manage it! This week, we take some big swings and it's nothing but grand slams babe. First, we pick apart Pitchfork's Top 100 songs of the year and answer all of its unanswerable questions: Who thinks Tinashe is talented? Is Bunny a rider? Who the fuck is...
Perfectomorphs!
December 02, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 137 MBOUR coconuts. You will put them in your mouth: right now, right now. (Right now, right now.) Thot Topics Queens are Thot Topics Fiends-- and Thot Topics fiends get the greens. It's payout time-- we're BACK after an accidental two-week long break! Cris was out of town for a while so naturally we have a LOT of girly catching up to do. So don't expect any actual topics until about an hour in. LOOSELY, we discuss every gay guy's favorite day of the year: Spotify Wrapped Day! We look back on ...
Methhead Actors! (feat. River Page)
November 12, 2021 15:26 - 1 hour - 185 MBThe girls are BACK after a brief Nick's Birthday sabbatical and we FINALLY address the rumors... YES we are female hackers. YES it is both dangerous and rewarding. YES we wear a tight fitting turtleneck that creates a uniboob. WE EXIST!!!! This week, we're joined by return guest RIVER PAGE (@river_is_nice) to discuss the news of the moment, and of some moments we missed. First, we finally review Blue Bannisters and wind up shitting on it way more than we expected to. Then: are we embarrasse...
Sohcahtore It!
October 28, 2021 15:00 - 1 hour - 147 MBWe're Billy RePorters and we're hot (or at least a 7) on the scene of the crime! This week, we dig through their trash heap of a Twitter timeline to find something-- literally ANYTHING-- to talk about. We fuck around for a while first, and in the grand Thot Topics tradition just wind up talking about food and snacks for a good 20 minutes-- topics this week include the BRAT diet, the Mexican BRAT diet, and our favorite candies. Then it's down to business. We try our very best to defend ...
Verynormal Cracktivity!
October 18, 2021 14:00 - 1 hour - 173 MBWhat's up you fuckin' stupid alien? Pop a squat with us and crack open a fresh copy of the Bitchkiker's Guide to the Galaxy-- there's much to explore, and SO little time... This week, the girls get a little sidetracked talking about their personal journeys as their dreaded first-ever mid-twenties birthday approaches. What's acceptable to do in your twenties that must now be left behind? Is "weight loss" an elaborate lie constructed by deluded skinny people with genetics on their side? But...
The Dick, The S**t, and the Wardrobe!
October 07, 2021 17:54 - 1 hour - 160 MBIn perhaps our most Cronenbergian episode of all time, we do a little bit of body-ody-ody horror as a treat. In an extravaganza of all things fecal, urinal, and genital, we skinny dip in the wet primordial ooze of human experience wearing nothing but a white crop top-- and emerge, nipples protruding. This week, we talk about Meghan Trainor taking a shit adjacent to her husband-- and do an exposé on our own horror about bodily functions. What's the most compromising position it's OK for your...