Save Your Sanity - Help for Toxic Relationships
475 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 2 months ago - ★★★★★ - 44 ratingsThe Save Your Sanity podcast offers episodes filled with the expert insights, validation, strategies, and support you need to recognize, manage, and recover from relationships with the relentlessly difficult, toxic--and often disturbing--people that host Dr. Rhoberta Shaler calls Hijackals®.
She offers invaluable help to stop the second-guessing, undermining, and crazy-making traits, patterns, and cycles you have encountered in relationships with folks like those. Understand the ways, whys, and hows that verbal abuse, emotional abuse, and spiritual abuse affect you over time. Whether the Hijackal is a partner, parent, ex, or colleague, what you will learn here will strengthen and empower you to step up, speak up, and stand up for yourself in healthy, assertive ways.
Many Hijackals have behaviors that are considered the same as those who are diagnosed as narcissists, borderlines, psychopaths, sociopaths, and histrionic personality disorder. These insights will help you to make the changes--and good decisions--to move from pain to power, and that's exactly what you want to do! Listen now.
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Episodes
10 Antidotes to Anxiety Caused By Emotional Abuse
March 01, 2022 05:18 - 37 minutes - 29.8 MBWhen you're living in anxiety, you cannot think clearly, right? Hijackals love to cause anxiety. They think it gives them power, and they look for ways to control. In order to make good decisions about the relationship, you need antidotes to anxiety to recognize the emotional abuse. It becomes such an everyday thing, and usually only creates more anxiety. An antidote is a remedy to counteract, relieve or prevent the effects of something. Just what you need for "Hijackal bites!" And, those ...
4 Debilitating Responses to Emotional Abuse
February 22, 2022 05:40 - 31 minutes - 25.4 MBWhen you recognize that it is emotional abuse that is driving these four debilitatiing --and, therefore, unhealthy-- responses to how you're being treated (or have been treated, particularly from your parents,) you are on your way to seeing your next best steps clearly. Listen in so you won't take the blame, or make excuses for, a person who is driving you to have these feelings. Being with a Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult person--is confusing, chaotic, and disappointing. The emotional ...
BEWARE the (Valentine's Day) LOVE-BOMBING
February 15, 2022 06:53 - 27 minutes - 22 MBMany Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult people--make a big statement on Valentine's Day (and, any other day they want to secure your full commitment.) LOVE-BOMBING, strangely, is yet another kind of emotional abuse. Why? Because it's mostly show and no go! In this episode, learn more about love-bombing, recognizing it, and not falling for it. SO important to be aware of what's really going on! Ever felt so special, so cherished one day, and in short order, felt so devalued, discounted,...
How to Recognize When Hijackal Drama Turns to Trauma
February 08, 2022 07:09 - 34 minutes - 27.7 MBDo you allow yourself to acknowledge that you've been traumatized, or may have been? It's an essential beginning step for understanding why you feel a certain way, or have a particularly negative view of yourself. Emotional abuse can definitely create trauma within you. In this episode, you'll hear very specific information about trauma and how the body takes it in. When you are traumatized, you often have diminished ability to describe the feelings you have in words. You need to be able to...
Know If You're Caring, Caretaking Or Enabling!
February 01, 2022 06:05 - 30 minutes - 24.4 MBYou want to be a good person, a nice person. Your parents probably wanted that for you, too. Yet, you find yourself on the receiving end of emotional abuse, and you don't understand what you did wrong. Nothing, likely! Hijackals--narcissists, anti-socials, borderlines-histrionics--look for "nice" people who they hope will bend over backwards to do things for them. Especially, they are delighted by enablers who go the extra mile to allow the emotional abuse of Hijackals.No need to wonder abo...
Recognize These 11 Traits of Emotional Immaturity
January 25, 2022 06:02 - 32 minutes - 26.2 MBYou cannot get blood from a stone, and you cannot get emotional intimacy with a Hijackal. Yes, in the beginning of the relationship, they do a good job of imitating a person with whom you could develop that emotionally intimate connection that lasts a lifetime. No, they actually don't have either the capacity or the willingness to do it, though. Learn to recognize the clear signs of a person who will never let you close, or want to be close with you...because they are too emotionally immat...
3 Phases of Healing From Emotional Abuse
January 18, 2022 06:39 - 30 minutes - 24.4 MBYou can begin healing even while you're in an emotionally abusive situation, small steps and nano-seconds of healing. Understanding my phases of healing from emotional abuse encourages you to begin and continue the healing journey. Wherever you are--even if you have not started the journey yet, seeing there is a pathway can help. If you want to be emerging empowered from a past or present in which you experienced emotional abuse, you need this episode. Understanding the blueprint and antici...
10 Nasty Ways Hijackals Are Predictably Unpredictable
January 11, 2022 05:57 - 31 minutes - 25.4 MBToo many times, you hope a Hijackal will be different. They may even promise to be, or seem to understand the need to change. But, it's just for a hot minute, right? These ten ways Hijackals generally behave are ones you need to believe will never change...no matter what is promised. Really! Hijackals and other narcissistic people are focused on meeting their own needs. Self-absorbed. Self-involved. Self-satisfyining. That's them. And, they want to control you and everything else they possi...
12 Ways Fawning Keeps You Stuck in Emotional Abuse
January 04, 2022 06:15 - 41 minutes - 33 MBThe Fawning Response creates a constant imbalance in a relationship. Hijackals love that! You're helping them control you, and you sure don't want to do that for a moment longer, right? Fawning happens when you attempt to avoid conflict and trauma by appeasing people and demonstrating or feigning interest to earn the approval of others. Sadly, it also causes you to deny your rights, interests, thoughts, feelings and to abandon what's healthy in adult relationships: equality, reciprocity, a...
18 Reasons Why Emotional Abusers Prefer People-Pleasers
December 28, 2021 06:35 - 33 minutes - 26.6 MBWhen you deeply think about these eighteen reasons, you'll recognize eighteen things you can heal so you won't attract, or keep, an emotional abuser. It's a BIG step to recognize these because you are capable of changing...especially when you know exactly what and why to change. The Hijackal, the emotionally abusive person, will not change.You will...once you clearly see what' needs to change! Emotional abuse is something you get used to even while you're hating it. It needs to stop, right?...
Handing Hijackal Holiday Horrors
December 21, 2021 04:21 - 39 minutes - 31.3 MBThe holidays bring out the worst in Hijackals. I'm sure you've noticed. Why does this happen? What do you need to be watching for? And, what do you do to? This episode can help you reclaim your power during the holidays. When you're living with, have left, or were raised by Hijackals--those relentlessly difficult, self-centered people, you may dread the holidays. Hijackals are much more than attention-seekers. They are attention-demanders. That's why they hijack holidays, leading you to dr...
Worthy, Wanted & Welcome?
December 14, 2021 06:51 - 28 minutes - 23.2 MBWhether it is parents or partners that make you feel worthless, unwanted, and unappreciated, it leads to emotional abuse. It's important to recognize these basic truths about emotional abuse so they will not continue to damage your life. Hijackals and other emotional abusers don't want you to feel worthy, wanted, or welcome. That would make you their equal and they are having none of that. You've likely noticed that. Hijackals are always in competition with you...for no other reason than t...
Worthy, Wanted & Welcome?
December 14, 2021 06:51 - 28 minutes - 23.2 MBWhether it is parents or partners that make you feel worthless, unwanted, and unappreciated, it leads to emotional abuse. It's important to recognize these basic truths about emotional abuse so they will not continue to damage your life. Hijackals and other emotional abusers don't want you to feel worthy, wanted, or welcome. That would make you their equal and they are having none of that. You've likely noticed that. Hijackals are always in competition with you...for no other reason than t...
Living With Emotional Abuse
December 07, 2021 05:10 - 27 minutes - 21.7 MBSometimes, it's hard to see emotional abuse when it's happening. Sometimes, you were young and thought it was normal. What about now? Are you living in it, or suffering from the long-term effects of it? How do you know? Listen for answers to these questions. Emotional abuse can be hard to recognize in the beginning. Some people have difficult naming it, even after experiencing it for far too long. This episode will help you understand the underlying nature of living with emotional abuse. I ...
10 Root Fears That Hijackals Prey On...Relentlessly
November 30, 2021 05:45 - 39 minutes - 31.4 MBWe all have things we fear, things we may not even be conscious of. Hijackals exploit your deepest root fears to manipulate and control. They make those fears worse and more real. Recognize these fears and how the Hijackal feeds them. Oxford Languages defines fear as "an unplesasant emotion caused by the believe someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat." There are many roots to your fears: the places things grow from. When you were raised by, lived with, or left ...
Recognizing Relationship Trauma - Past & Present
November 23, 2021 05:46 - 46 minutes - 37 MBEveryone experiences trauma differently. Frequently, folks don't recognize or acknowledge their trauma, either. This episode will help you understand how you may--or may not--have processed trauma, and why you may be recreating it, too. You cannot separate the mind from the body. They are constantly interacting and informing one another. When you have experienced trauma, both your mind and body are affected. And, you may not have realized what happened to you. Dr. Gabor Mate said, "Trauma ...
Why You Feel So Frozen, Stuck and Powerless With A Hijackal
November 09, 2021 05:42 - 35 minutes - 28.4 MBThe energetics of relationships with Hijackals can shut you down emotionally, and even physically. Understanding what happens within yourself and why can help you thaw, move, and take action in your own best interests. You need to hear this to empower yourself and get unstuck! You are not powerless, although you may be feeling that way. You may be so worn down and torn down that you are overwhelmed by the negative energy that is always being sent your way. We are energetic beings. We need...
What Healthy Love Is
November 02, 2021 04:15 - 29 minutes - 23.3 MBKnowing what healthy love is allows you to examine your own relationship more accurately. Don't settle for crumbs. Wait for the full meal. Did you see healthy love growing up? Did you experience it? Did you feel it? Did it make you feel safe and loved for who you were as you grew? If you didn't experience this when you were young, you may be settling for less than is healthy now. Find out today! Dr. Shaler's definition of "healthy love:" "Healthy love has an equitable balance between aut...
10 Surefire Signs of an Emotional Abuser
October 26, 2021 04:39 - 33 minutes - 26.9 MBEmotional abuse. Don't ignore, tolerate, or deny it. See it clearly for what it is, AND how it is affecting you daily. Do you feel putdown, degraded, or are your feelings dismissed and discounted? Is someone trying to control you and/or manipulate you? The whole idea behind emotionally abusing you is to tear you down and wear you down to a state of emotional exhaustion. In that state, the Hijackal thinks you will be too distraught to put up a fight or defense. (Of course, even if you were ...
10 Surefire Signs of an Emotional Abuser
October 26, 2021 04:39 - 33 minutes - 26.9 MBEmotional abuse. Don't ignore, tolerate, or deny it. See it clearly for what it is, AND how it is affecting you daily. Do you feel putdown, degraded, or are your feelings dismissed and discounted? Is someone trying to control you and/or manipulate you? The whole idea behind emotionally abusing you is to tear you down and wear you down to a state of emotional exhaustion. In that state, the Hijackal thinks you will be too distraught to put up a fight or defense. (Of course, even if you were ...
How Narcissistic Parents Damage Their Children - Part 1
October 19, 2021 04:45 - 36 minutes - 29.3 MBLearn about the effects the "upside down parenting" of narcissists and other Hijackals can have on your adult life and relationships. Great insights to help you make positive changes, and life easier. First, though, you have to see it clearly to understand what really happened to you. Listen in to further understand the impact having a Hijackal parent makes. As a child, you have no experience and the inborn understanding that you need your parents to survive. With a Hijackal parent, things...
How Hijackals Succeed at Emotional Blackmail
October 12, 2021 16:27 - 34 minutes - 27.4 MBHijackals are good at emotional blackmail. They are experts at the "Gotcha!" And, they constantly use it to their advantage. Learn more about the components of that blackmail and how to counteract them. Then, Hijackals fail to succeed at using it against you effectively! Learn what you can do to respond in empowering ways when narcissistic, borderline, or anti-social folks try to control you using emotional blackmail. This episode will help you understand how that emotional blackmail shows ...
Reading the Shifting Scary Eyes of Hijackals As They Try to Control You
October 05, 2021 05:11 - 38 minutes - 31.2 MBYes, Hijackal's eyes are not the windows to their souls as much as windows into their fears and desires to control. It's real. You're not imagining it. You can feel safer with the insights in this episode. Research shows that humans notice faces first. Generally, that is what attracts us. Eyes tell you so much, if you interpret their messages accurately. When dealing with Hijackals--narcissistic, borderline, anti-social, and histrionic folks, you MUST get the messages clearly or you'll be...
Beware of Introjection & Projection!
September 28, 2021 05:02 - 32 minutes - 26.2 MBYou may not know these terms but you know the undercutting feeling one produces, and the scramble the other does! Very important to recognize and say no to! Listen in. Hijackals--people with narcissistic, borderline, passive-aggressive, anti-social traits--play to win. Only to win. They cannot and will not tolerate blame or shame to touch them and they work hard at being two or three steps ahead of either of those at all times. This episode sheds light on two sad, and important, ways that t...
HOW TO KEEP A HIJACKAL FROM TEARING YOU DOWN
September 21, 2021 04:04 - 36 minutes - 29.1 MBHijackals--passive-aggressive. narcissistic. anti-social folks--thrive on tearing you down. Sometimes, it's a slow picking at you. Sometimes, it's a constant beratement. Either way, you need to stop it from getting into your head and under your skin. And, if it's already there, I'll help you get it out. Listen in. Hijackals--my word for people who hijack relationships for their own needs and purposes, and then relentlessly scavenge them for power, status, and control--feed on having power o...
HOW HIJACKALS CONFUSE YOU THROUGH COGNITIVE EMPATHY
September 14, 2021 05:08 - 26 minutes - 21.6 MBYet, it feels real, and you SO want it to be real. There's where the manipulation and confusion sets in. In this episode, I let you in on the secret that, much as you want it to be real, it isn't. (Did I mention that?) You need to see that clearly to keep from being hurt further! Empathy is defined in the Merriam-Webster dictionary this way: "the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of ei...
RECOGNIZING THE MANIPULATION OF TRIANGULATION
September 07, 2021 04:08 - 31 minutes - 24.9 MBClearly see how narcissistic people try to control information flow by going through other people, their desired "flying monkeys." Are there other people in your relationship with the Hijackal who are being approached by the Hijackal to serve their purposes? Do they engage them? Learn how to think about all that! SO important to recognize triangulation when it is happening! If it's already happened, you can benefit from seeing the interactions and taking action, too. The point of triang...
HIJACKALS ARE BOUNDARY BULLDOZERS
August 31, 2021 05:38 - 30 minutes - 24.4 MBSetting Boundaries. Calibrating Results. Making Decisions. No matter what the Hijackal thinks they are entitled to you need to set, express, and hold boundaries. In this episode, I'll give you effective ways to begin, or continue, setting clear boundaries and staying strong. Oh, and, what to do when those Hijackals trample them, too! Yes, Hijackals are boundary bulldozers. They don't like boundaries...unless they are their own. Then, of course, everything is different! Hijackals are defi...
QUELLING THE FEAR OF REJECTION...especially from narcissistic hijackals!
August 24, 2021 05:01 - 29 minutes - 23.8 MBNo one likes to be rejected. It's uncomfortable, painful, and a blow to the self-confidence and self-esteem. What can you do about it? How do you think it through? It's more difficult in a relationship with a Hijackal, Listen in to understand the dynamics and know what steps to take to quell the fear of rejection. if you had a Hijackal parent, you may well have developed a fear of rejection very early in your life. Living with a Hijackal parent or two creates a demand from them that they...
Are You Striving to Be Good Enough for a Narcissist?
August 17, 2021 04:54 - 23 minutes - 18.6 MBEven perfection won't and can't cut it if you're in relationship with a Hijackal of any stripes. This episode will help you understand this cycle, how it works, why it won't work, and why it needs to stop. These concepts can spell R-E-L-I-E-F for you! If you had a narcissistic or Hijackal parent, you were pre-conditioned to accept the poor treatment of a Hijackal. That's difficult enough! Then, you may find yourself in a supposedly romantic relationship with one, and eventually it starts t...
Are You Striving to Be Good Enough for a Narcissist?
August 17, 2021 04:54 - 23 minutes - 18.6 MBEven perfection won't and can't cut it if you're in relationship with a Hijackal of any stripes. This episode will help you understand this cycle, how it works, why it won't work, and why it needs to stop. These concepts can spell R-E-L-I-E-F for you! If you had a narcissistic or Hijackal parent, you were pre-conditioned to accept the poor treatment of a Hijackal. That's difficult enough! Then, you may find yourself in a supposedly romantic relationship with one, and eventually it starts t...
ANGER & ANXIETY, HIJACKALS & YOU
August 10, 2021 05:00 - 29 minutes - 23.5 MBA whole chicken and egg thing! Anger and anxiety are closely related, and it's essential to see how. Hijackals in the mix create a whole other level of mess! Listen in for help to clarify what's happening IN you and TO you. If you were raised by, live with, or have left a Hijackal--a relentlessly difficult, toxic person, you know what it is to live with anger and anxiety. Sometimes, at the same time, too! Internal anxiety can shift to externalized anxiety which shows uip as anger. It can l...
What About Complex-PTSD?
August 03, 2021 05:46 - 39 minutes - 31.7 MBWhen you've suffered trauma, it can have a long term affect. Long-term trauma is different. In this episode, you can learn about the attributes, traits, and causes of C-PTSD to help you understand what may be lingering in your body/mind system, and what you can do about it. How you were raised creates the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world. If you've had dysfunction and abuse in your early life, your views of these may be warped. You may experience heightened emotional ...
What About Complex-PTSD?
August 03, 2021 05:46 - 39 minutes - 31.7 MBWhen you've suffered trauma, it can have a long term affect. Long-term trauma is different. In this episode, you can learn about the attributes, traits, and causes of C-PTSD to help you understand what may be lingering in your body/mind system, and what you can do about it. How you were raised creates the beliefs you hold about yourself, others, and the world. If you've had dysfunction and abuse in your early life, your views of these may be warped. You may experience heightened emotional ...
WHY HIJACKALS CREATE CHAOS & CONFUSION
July 27, 2021 05:30 - 34 minutes - 28 MBDon't Hijackals love to stir the pot and keep it swirling? They definitely have goals in mind and one is to keep you spinning and the relationship unstable. You want that to stop. Get insights into stopping the spinning and instability in this episode. When a Hijackal wants power over you--and they all do, one of the most likely ways they go for it is to catch you off-guard, keep you uncertain, and be contradictory. You've likely noticed that. They think that allows them to operate somehow ...
ARE YOU SUFFERING FROM ENABLER'S GUILT?
July 20, 2021 05:51 - 34 minutes - 27.5 MBYou could be suffering from enabler's guilt without knowing what is causing your fear, anxiety, or depression. THE GOOD NEWS: It doesn't have to be that way. Once you recognize what's going on, you can take steps to change it, reclaim your power, and rebuild your life. Do you ever feel that, somehow, it's your job to make other people happy? Where do you think you got that idea? Who taught you that? Those answers are a good start on how you may have come to have enabler's guilt. In episode...
ENMESHED, ENTRENCHED OR EMERGING EMPOWERED?
July 13, 2021 05:40 - 31 minutes - 25.5 MBEnmeshed, Entrenched, and Emerging Empowered! Know the Differences so YOU can Make a Difference! You know that being enmeshed or entrenched with another human is unhealthy, right? You may not recognize just what's happening right now, though. This episode will help you see what's unhealthy and how to move towards Emerging Empowered. Hijackals want you to become enmeshed and entrenched, along with a host of other things they want that are designed to give them power and control over you. T...
THE FAWNING RESPONSE
July 06, 2021 06:05 - 34 minutes - 27.5 MBFawning can be thought of as a step further than people-pleasing. SO, you really need to know about it. Until you become conscious of it, you may be doing it. To get your life back, and to be emerging empowered, you want to recognize it, take charge of it, and garner new insights and skills. When you have suffered from Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder--which many people who have been abused in many ways do, you may recognize that you actually respond to conflict with The Fawning Respo...
ARE YOU ABANDONING YOURSELF BY ENABLING OR CODEPENDENCE?
June 29, 2021 04:44 - 37 minutes - 30.3 MBIt is essential to recognize when you are abandoning yourself. You may think it's part of being a good person. It's a delicate balance, for sure. How do you re-establish that balance if you have become an enabler, or are codependent? Listening to this episode is a very good start! At the extreme, you abandon yourself when you totally accommodate another person's needs and wants even when those needs, wants--and, even demands--are outrageous! Most people don't go that far, and yet they aba...
HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M READY TO DATE AFTER A TOXIC RELATIONSHIP?
June 22, 2021 05:40 - 33 minutes - 27.2 MB8 Essential Factors for Recovery After Emotional Abuse. that you need to consider even if you don't want to and just want to go get the love, fun, attention, and validation you've been missing. What if you skip them? It could be a disaster. You may be anxious to date, or you may be scared spitless! Or, sometimes ready and sometimes sure you'll never be! That's how uncertain you can feel once a Hijackal is in your rear view mirror. Does it sound familiar? Even if you're still with a Hijacka...
RECLAIMING YOUR BODY AFTER AN EMOTIONALLY ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP GUEST: Anna-Thea
June 18, 2021 18:42 - 43 minutes - 34.8 MBFor many women--and men, too, restoring a feeling of safety to enjoy sexual intimacy seems a long way off. Anna-Thea share invaluable insights for regaining that sense of safety. Trust, too, can be a big issue. In fact, letting a new person into your life at all can cause concern. That's natural. You are wise to take care of yourself. Today's insights in this episode can help so much! You want to attract a healthier partner this time, I know. It's SO important that you feel safe to establ...
4 TYPES & 3 DEGREES OF NARCISSISTIC BEHAVIOR
June 15, 2021 05:42 - 33 minutes - 27.2 MBYou likely give people the benefit of the doubt, or are willing to go the extra mile for them. That's healthy and usually reciprocal. Great! BUT, when you're with someone with narcissistic behaviors, it's not healthy or reciprocal. It's unhealthy and one-sided. Most people immediately think of a particular set of traits when they think of narcissism in general: the blustery, look-at-me, superior, grandiose example. And, yes, that is definitely one of the types. Sometimes harder to detect-...
10 Emotionally Abusive Things Hijackals Say Often
June 08, 2021 04:52 - 35 minutes - 28.7 MBYou hear the same demeaning, dismissive things from narcissistic Hijackals all the time. It wears you down and they put your down. You need tools and strategies to neutralize the poison when it's being poured on you. This episode gives you specific insights into keeping yourself safer. #Hijackals are always looking for a way, a place, an opening to exert power over you. I'm thinking that you're nodding your head in agreement as you read that, right? Hijackals will go to any lengths to be r...
THE DREADED SILENT TREATMENT
June 01, 2021 04:57 - 33 minutes - 26.5 MBUgh! The narcissistic Hijackal falls silent, ignores you, and won't respond. What's up with that? What are they hoping to achieve? What's your internal dialogue? What ways are most effective to respond? That's today's episode. So dismissive! Hijackals can treat you as though you're invisible, erased, and definitely not present. They want to impress upon you the contempt they feel for you. So, they fall silent. Big power move...or, so they think! Until you understand the dynamics of this, ...
HIJACKALS & THEIR WARPED SENSE OF FAIR, JUST & EQUAL
May 25, 2021 04:38 - 36 minutes - 29.6 MBHijackals & other narcissistic people have neither thought nor intention of leveling any playing field. No, it's about the all important winning. Why? What can you do or say? Use the ideas in this episode to step back from the crazy-making! When you're in a relationship with a relatively healthy person, you work things out. In working them out together, you build trust and safety. It brings you closer. Not so when you're dealing with narcissistic #Hijackals! They do not want to create emo...
8 Damaging Roles Narcissistic Parents Assign to Their Children
May 18, 2021 05:13 - 37 minutes - 30.2 MBYou had no choice in the role a narcissistic parent created for you and assigned to you. You were stuck with it--while usually being quite unaware of it. It's just the way your family is, like it or not, right? NOW, in this episode, see your assigned role(s) so you can shed them and choose again! In episode #201 on pseudomutuality, I talked about how #Hijackals like to paint a public picture of perfection on their families, which creating a private place of pain at home, within the famil...
Why Power is the Enemy of Love
May 14, 2021 23:56 - 41 minutes - 33.5 MBPower in relationships can be a very difficult and disturbing issue. Of course, if you have a Hijackal parent, partner, sibling, or adult child, you're well aware of that! This episode will give you new insights into solving ever-arising issues! My guest, Mira Kirschenbaum, wrote in Why Couples Fight: "A power move is anything we do or say that makes the other person feel disempowered." Of course, it's all in the perception, however, if each of us is careful not to purposefully say or d...
The Fear of All-Or-Nothing Thinking
May 11, 2021 04:12 - 32 minutes - 25.8 MBEverything is a potential deal breaker when all-or-nothing thinking prevails! People who were raised in emotional abusive homes learn to think that way. If you are with one, you may be on the receiving end and need to understand and name it. You need to be able to do that. If you were raised by an emotionally abusive parent, you may have learned to use all-or-nothing thinking as a safety mechanism, or a defense mechanism. You didn't choose it. You learned it. Now, it's wise to have a loo...
How All-Or-Nothing Thinking Creates and Comes From Fear
May 11, 2021 04:12 - 32 minutes - 25.8 MBEverything is a potential deal breaker when all-or-nothing thinking prevails! People who were raised in emotional abusive homes learn to think that way. If you are with one, you may be on the receiving end and need to understand and name it. You need to be able to do that. If you were raised by an emotionally abusive parent, you may have learned to use all-or-nothing thinking as a safety mechanism, or a defense mechanism. You didn't choose it. You learned it. Now, it's wise to have a look ...
The Scam, Sham & Spam of Pseudomutuality
May 04, 2021 05:11 - 35 minutes - 28.2 MBYou know how some people and families both "put on a front: and are "a closed shop?" You can sense that something is off but the story they tell sounds good. They may be SO good at the story that you can't help but believe it. Why would you question it? And then, you marry into it and the legs fall off! YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THIS! Mutuality is one of the three MUST-HAVES I talk about in order to have a healthy adult relationship. In my book, Kaizen for Couples, I described it this way: ...