Relationships By Design
41 episodes - English - Latest episode: 10 months ago -Married for over 36 years, Carol and Dan bring a wealth of formal education and training, plus the school of hard-knocks, tried and tested, been-there-done-that strategies that make a relationship work. They’ve experienced the guck (and lots of it), but through vulnerability, dedication, and the hard work of changing themselves, they now experience an ever-growing love, as a team. They know that a high-quality life is dependent upon high-quality relationships, and they are passionate about helping others to proactively create relationship success. In their podcasts, you’ll gain tools, strategies, and perspectives to create your relationships by your design, rather than having them happen by default.
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Episodes
40 Weathering the Storms in your Relationship
July 14, 2023 09:00 - 34 minutes - 31.8 MBBad weather isn’t just outside us; it can also be in the relationship and destroy it from the inside. Agreeing on a strategy, or a plan to deal with the bad weather helps us more quickly get on the path to the life of the relationship we want! “I think that in couples, there are those that take the time to invest and pre plan my life, and then there are many who are flying by the seat of their pants. Sometimes the results are fabulous… sometimes they are not.” Dealing with things as they c...
39 Mentoring Magic
June 09, 2023 09:00 - 28 minutes - 26.4 MBRelationship mentors are everywhere. They display examples of what others are doing on approaches we can choose to apply to, damage, or to enhance our relationships. That’s the point of creating Relationships by Design! The sense of community is huge! One bigger than your family unit is critical. It shapes you; it gives support and adds to your life. Be really present and notice. Noticing the people around us and what they do, they model relationships for us all the time. Sit back & notice ...
38 Desire to Engage
May 12, 2023 09:00 - 27 minutes - 25.6 MBHave you had a time when you attempted to engage with your partner and been unsuccessful? Do you argue or disagree about the same things repeatedly? You’re definitely not alone here! Use invitations to invite the other person in - it’s not implied both parties are always on the same page. Seek first to understand, then to be understood. Which means listening! “In order to build healthy relationships, it takes engagement. None of us are mind readers for the other person unless we ask each o...
37 Give Love A Chance
April 14, 2023 09:00 - 27 minutes - 25.8 MBNot getting results that you want in your relationship? How do you make changes and guarantee a more enjoyable future? Join us to give change a chance! It’s tough to change. The comfort of the known is convenient, it’s the familiar zone! How do we consciously and intentionally make changes to self to get the changes that we want, both individually and together? “I can only make changes to myself, you can only make changes to yourself, yet by us being a good support system to each other we ...
36 Utilizing Strengths In Your Relationships
March 10, 2023 10:00 - 22 minutes - 21.6 MBAs individuals, we each have strength. In a relationship, our individual strengths need to be consciously utilized together. And with some strong communication and trust it can go a long way! “Each one of us has incredible strengths, and yet we may not be strong in the same area and to figure out how we can utilize each person’s strengths in each situation.” Trust is a powerful thing. We’re all there in support of one another and take lead at different times. Nobody is less than the other,...
35 How To Hold My Partner Accountable
February 10, 2023 10:00 - 31 minutes - 29.4 MBAccountability is not so easy, and perhaps downright impossible! How do we hold each other to a level of love, patience, and respect in these situations? If you’re coming in at the same level, then communication is effective. If someone is at a different perceived level, then it could feel like one person is at a place of power or authority, and the other one is a child... or incapable. Be respectful in accountability, don’t shoot them down or shame them. Small things often cause conflict i...
34 Life is a Jigsaw Puzzle
January 13, 2023 10:00 - 27 minutes - 26.1 MBHave you considered your life being similar to a jigsaw puzzle? The only exception being you don’t know how the final picture looks - you get to create it. Let’s enjoy the process! With a jigsaw puzzle, there are definite boundaries and then there are pieces that are pretending sometimes. In your own life, there’s times where you may think you know where your boundaries are but might not always be clear. “In a jigsaw puzzle sometimes, I’ll put a piece in one spot then later go back and say...
33 Heart of Relationships - The Bigger Impact
December 09, 2022 10:00 - 34 minutes - 32.4 MBWhat impact do you have on the world? And more importantly - what impact would you like to have? It all seems so daunting! As a first responder, you must look after yourself first before you can reach out and help anyone else out. You put your own oxygen mask on first before serving others. Because if you are not healthy then you have no ability, really, to be a true value to help in relationship with others. It’s so rewarding to be on the same page supporting each other, valuing each other...
32 Time for Fun
November 11, 2022 10:00 - 29 minutes - 27.5 MBIt might seem silly, but we recognize that we need to make and prioritize the time for fun. Planning for fun is important! “I want to have fun with you! I want it to be a joyous experience, not drudgery. And so, by adding these things in this will allow me to experience more joy. Not just in this time, also in the lead up and follow up.” So, how do you approach and decide what to do for fun together? Start with a conversation. Make a list, and perhaps prioritize things off that you’re read...
31 Are You Trigger Happy?
October 14, 2022 09:00 - 29 minutes - 27.9 MBWe all sometimes unconsciously slip and things that cause a negative reaction and conflict. Or do something that causes that reaction. How can we avoid triggering this in our relationships? You likely know your partner well enough to know how to get a reaction out of them, whether that be good or bad. It’s a weird thing. We know each other well enough to know what those are, but ego still comes in and will push that out. “When I recognize that something pushes a button, I can choose not to...
30 Inner Dreaded Drama Triangle
September 09, 2022 09:00 - 34 minutes - 32.1 MBThe inner dreaded drama triangle is a powerful model to understand our relationship when in conflict. The core of this triangle is an attempt to gain some power – it's easy to blame someone else! Dan & Carol talk about how we can avoid this trap and let life flow smoother. The three points in this triangle are - persecutor, rescuer, and the victim. No matter which behavior you may be playing out, you start to feel like the victim. “Poor me, I’ve lost control and can’t do anything about it”....
29 The Choice to Receive
August 12, 2022 09:00 - 26 minutes - 25.1 MBWe’ve all heard the phrase ‘it’s better to give than to receive’. However, is one really better than the other? If it’s only better to give than receive, what would happen in nature? To us? It must be reciprocal, and sometimes we forget about that. Gratitude is a big piece in this. By choosing to receive, it's about recognizing the other person’s loving attempt, and to really see them as this loving being who’s wanting to give of themselves to me. It's huge! The concept of paying it forwa...
28 Decision Making Made Easy
July 08, 2022 09:00 - 37 minutes - 35.2 MBHow do you make decisions, both big and small? This topic is often the cause of problems in relationships. Join Dan and Carol as we dig deep into creating an effective process you can use as a template for decisions in your relationship. How do you create a process to make effective decisions as a couple? Perhaps a flow chart? Or through identifying each choice with your mission as a couple? Perhaps the tri position planning model can come in handy. This process has a few phases, beginning ...
27 Confidentiality Builds Trust
June 10, 2022 09:00 - 24 minutes - 22.8 MBHave you and your partner had a conversation about confidentiality? This topic has such an impact on trust and the safety to share openly. “The confidentiality piece is in knowing that there’s a level of trust in which you and I can say whatever we need to say, and it stays safe between us. It’s safety.” Confidentiality is a solid guideline that anybody could implement with every person they interact with. It’s a trust builder. So, how do you build that trust that what you’re about to shar...
26 Embracing Sexual Intimacy
May 13, 2022 09:00 - 33 minutes - 31 MBHow often do you have conversations about sexual intimacy with your partner? Sexual intimacy is a foundational part of a healthy relationship, and those conversations can create greater experiences of peace, joy, and happiness. We’re all formed on accepted beliefs from others, like movies, parents, school, religion. These create unconscious unwritten rules. Where did that come from, is that true for me? “The goal is to have the honest, open conversations of what each person likes so that t...
25 What Price do you Pay?
April 08, 2022 09:00 - 37 minutes - 34.9 MBEverything has a price. Most people expect to get things out of life without paying. If you want happiness, first make someone else happy. Seek and you shall find! “If I had an expectation that something that happened in years gone by in our relationship, and I wanted that same experience now… chances are it was because I wanted to take from that experience instead of giving to it.” How can I give more to create a similar experience now? How do you want things to turn out? You must be able...
24 Are You in the Ready Position?
March 11, 2022 10:00 - 30 minutes - 28.3 MBWhat is the “ready” position? In our minds it’s about letting go of expectations and being prepared for anything. This takes a change of mindset, but brings increased focus, adaptability, and happiness. Expect nothing but be prepared for anything. Preparedness gives us a level of okay-ness with dealing with whatever situation comes up knowing you have some skills. Take CPR training, for example. We need to be ready to do it, but hopefully we never have to run into a situation requiring it p...
23 What is Happiness?
February 11, 2022 10:00 - 33 minutes - 31.2 MBHappiness is a key ingredient in a happy relationship. Lasting happiness comes from moment-to-moment presence. In each moment, I choose to feel something. It’s a choice. If you think it’s your job to make someone else happy, that’s a huge burden that will never be fulfilled. It can be a drastic downward spiral because we’ll miss our own happiness in the process. If we strive to make that our goal, we will lose our own joy. Or our happiness will revolve solely around their own! Invite the ow...
22 Celebration: The Pause that Refreshes
January 14, 2022 10:00 - 30 minutes - 28.7 MBHow do you celebrate? What do you celebrate? What does celebration mean to you and what does it give you? Celebration plays a significant part of our lives and relationships. We bring traditions from our own families, and then tie them into new ones. But combining family routines can be overwhelming. You must understand that others are bringing their own anticipations and expectations to the event and give space to share their experience as well. Open the conversation by asking - what are s...
21 Selfish or Self-Full
December 10, 2021 10:00 - 33 minutes - 31.4 MBLet’s talk about reframing the word “Selfish” to self-full, and the effects of reframing that can have in our relationships. We can think about the word in a couple of ways – towards the self, or one person towards another. Our habitual use of words programs our minds to think, speak and behave in specific ways. This programming is often unconscious and incongruent, causing conflict and stress. Selfishness comes from needs not communicated with the other person and can be a point of judgeme...
20 Seasons of Relationships
November 12, 2021 10:00 - 40 minutes - 38.1 MBRelationships can be compared to seasons. There’s the big season – our entire time together, and then there’s a lot of smaller seasons that happen in the midst of the journey. When we start to think of our relationship in four seasons, we can become more solid in ourselves, and bring that confidence in love to our significant others, family and friends. The start of a relationship happens in Spring. You only really see all the cool aspects of the other person and they have no flaws. We aren...
19 Choice: The Ultimate Empowerment Tool
October 08, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 30.3 MBWhat does the word choice mean and how does it affect us in our lives? 2-year-olds throw a temper tantrum when they feel like they don’t have a choice. They’re feeling less than powerful at that moment. “I feel empowered when I know I do have a choice. Regardless of what the world throws at me, the situations that we’re experiencing right now… at times I feel less than powerful, but I get the opportunity to own my own power and choose my steps at every moment.” If we can add some curiosity...
18 Rituals in Relationships
September 10, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 30.1 MBHaving rituals is powerful. It gives us a schedule of things to look forward to and celebrate. It’s a reason to get together with others. Rituals happen routinely and take discipline but bring a joyous outcome in sense of anticipation and belonging in community. There’s power in looking ahead! We have two main kinds of rituals – big and small. Big R rituals are ones that occur on a regular basis and are celebrated on a society basis. These include birthdays, holidays, and big community even...
17 Set Yourself Up for Success
August 13, 2021 09:00 - 32 minutes - 30.5 MBWe’ve all had days when we’re too hard on ourselves. The little voice in your head says, “you’ll never be able to do that” rather than “way to go, you did do that!”. So how do we set ourselves up to turn this around? “It’s crucial to have that solid foundation at home, where I got you, and I can bounce ideas off of you and gain some clarity – for us to talk about them and are doable and are what we want.” Then we become each other’s best support system and can acknowledge ourselves to each...
16 Power of Connection
July 09, 2021 09:00 - 27 minutes - 25.7 MBWe all need connection. The desire to connect with adults as a child, desire to be together again after 15 months of Covid… it is a human desire. “Connection is about feeling totally present in the moment. The choice to be present, the choice to be love.” Connection is mental, emotional and spiritual. It takes courage to build connections. What is the safest place? Trust is a huge part of this, being kind and nonjudgmental allows others to feel safer. There’s a feeling of joy and support, ...
15 Love Serves
June 11, 2021 09:00 - 27 minutes - 25.8 MBWhere fear divides, love unites. It’s done by being of service to yourself and others. A place you come from. Serving out of love is true service when I am enjoying or “in joy” of what I do. Then I know I’m doing it for the right reasons and allows me to be in service in the right way. “Be the change, not think about it or talk about it. Start being that. Then I notice it attracts other positive things – and in the moment, peace.” Peace for me is a choice that I make, its who I’m being. It...
14 The Power of I AM
May 14, 2021 09:00 - 29 minutes - 27.8 MBHow do we perceive the phrase “I Am”? Negatively? Or Positively? Affirmations have power in how their worded – focus on the present tense. Changing demeanor as we make these statements positive can deeply affect a change in our energies. “I see myself and others as resourceful, as powerful, as having all they need to do what they want, as being accountable and totally owning their lives... or in my case, my life.” “I am powerful, I am loving, I am joy”. Believing the affirmations is a crit...
13 Fear Always Divides
April 09, 2021 09:00 - 33 minutes - 31.8 MBFear can be paralyzing, it can stop us in our tracks when we're trying to achieve new goals or get in the way of making positive changes. In times of stress, our fears can divide us when we get defensive about the choices that we make. This can impact our personal relationships when we have doubts about our worthiness; or can cause us to become defensive about our ideals when talking about controversial or stressful topics. Allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and truthful about our worries ...
12 Living Life As An Experiment
March 12, 2021 10:00 - 30 minutes - 28.9 MBThe more time flies the more we tend to get stuck in our ways. Taking a step back every once and a while to make sure that these habits serve us well can be very beneficial, in more ways then one. Being more conscious of our habits can help promote a healthier lifestyle, or more fruitful relationships. Committing to changing our routines is often easier said then done, but finding ways to "experiment" with different habits in a more light hearted manner can help ease our nerves into making ...
11 Valentines Message For The Whole Year
February 12, 2021 08:00 - 28 minutes - 27.7 MBWe often tend to get caught up in our routines, and sometimes forget to focus on what's important to us, but we shouldn't let Valentines day be the only reminder throughout the year to love and care for our significant other. How would it affect our relationship if we put in the same amount effort we normally do for Valentines Day everyday day of the year? What else would we learn about our partner, and even ourselves, if we were more attentive? Breaking up our weekly routine with more dat...
10 The Past, Future, and NOW
January 08, 2021 10:00 - 34 minutes - 33 MBThis past year has been hectic for all of us, but it also provided an opportunity to reflect on our lives and choices. It was a chance for us to look at how we reacted to events that were out of our control, and going forward chose how we respond to get the results we are looking for. Whether it was a change in hobbies and personal commitments, a delay in plans for the near future, or a loss in a job or career; changing plans on the fly has become an important skill for everyone. Learning h...
09 Antidote To The Drama Cycle
December 11, 2020 10:00 - 31 minutes - 29.7 MBBeing aware of when we're entering the "dreaded drama triangle" and what roles we play in it is a key component to putting an end to the cycle it creates. The important thing to learn is how to "take that costume off, and step out of the theatre". In this episode, we discuss David Emerald's book called "The Power of TED* (*The Empowerment Dynamic)". In his book, David brings up an alternative to the Karpman Drama Triangle with his own roles of Creator, Coach, and Challenger. These tools ca...
08 Drama & Conflict in Relationships
November 13, 2020 10:00 - 33 minutes - 32 MBMany couples we coach will say that they want to get rid of conflict in their relationship, but conflict is actually a great awareness tool that helps us look deeper within to see what's really going on. This episode we'll be discussing Karpman's Triangle, also known as "the Dreaded Drama Triangle" as a framing for how we approach drama and conflict in our relationships. When David Karpman and his team were researching transaction analysis and trying to determine what goes on in relationshi...
07 Raising Financially Savvy Kids
October 09, 2020 09:00 - 20 minutes - 20.3 MB"It's the idea of 'how soon' do we start having those conversations." In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol discuss the importance of raising financially savvy kids, and the ways we can start discussing money with them at an early age. The concept of money isn't something that a lot of children are familiar with. They see their parents walk into a store, swipe a card, and return to the car with: toys, candy, groceries and goods. It doesn't take much to shift their thinki...
06 Becoming A Money Team
September 11, 2020 09:00 - 35 minutes - 33.7 MB"I need to give what I want to receive back, regardless of whether anybody gives it back to." In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol remind us of why it's important to normalize discussions around personal finances, and how by doing so we can remove unnecessary tension. Money is often a very taboo topic in our culture. Unfortunately, by leaving it at the bottom of the list of "things we should discuss," it can ultimately lead to creating a lot of unwanted tension in our r...
05 Gratitude
August 14, 2020 09:00 - 27 minutes - 26.8 MB"I need to give what I want to receive back, regardless of whether anybody gives it back to." In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol talk about gratitude, how being grateful can help us reframe our circumstances, and why showing our appreciation makes all the difference. We may not realize it, but so many of us are stuck in the routine of focusing on the negative aspects of life. Whether we feel we don't have enough money, time, or haven't accomplished enough, it can be e...
04 Effective Communication
July 10, 2020 09:15 - 29 minutes - 27.9 MB"I think as well as the intention there is the attention." In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol talk about communication, why effective communication matters, and how to nurture strong communication between us. Communication may be the single strongest tool we have to learn, grow, and share amongst ourselves. Without communication, there is no basis for understanding each other. That is why it's crucial to practice listening, and sharing, in a way that is constructive a...
03 Value Of A Relationship Vision
July 10, 2020 09:10 - 25 minutes - 24.4 MB"How do we want to feel when we're ninety years old and experiencing life together?" In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol reminds us how important it is to have a vision for our relationships, and the ways we can build them together. Vision is such a pivotal part of achieving any goal. If you have a vision, then you have a heading, and with a heading you can strive to make small changes every day to bring you close to where you want to go. If we take the time to consid...
02 Accountability
July 10, 2020 09:05 - 28 minutes - 27.6 MB"It's about owning our results and our feelings." In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol discuss the role accountability plays in our own lives, and how relationships can help us developer this skill even further. Accountability is often perceived as a personal level of self discipline. We are always told how important it is that we are accountable, but not always told given instructions on how to manifest accountability in your daily lives. A great way to keep ours...
01 Heart of Relationships
July 10, 2020 09:00 - 28 minutes - 26.9 MB"We start with the self. That's where it all begins, that's the star." In this episode of Relationships By Design, Dan and Carol explain the fundamentals of a strong relationship: self-awareness, self-love, and how that manifests in our relationships. Relationships are often perceived as a collaboration between two or more people, but ultimately what we tend to forget is the most important part of what makes them successful is ourselves. It takes a strong foundation to support a relationshi...
Coming Soon
June 12, 2020 16:18 - 1 minute - 2.81 MBan ever-growing love, as a team. They know that a high-quality life is dependent upon high-quality relationships, and they are passionate about helping others to proactively create relationship success. In their podcasts, you’ll gain tools, strategies, and perspectives to create your relationships by your design, rather than having them happen by default. Dan & Carol - Relationships By Design: website | facebook | linkedIn - dan | linkedin - carol