Movie Mastery
235 episodes - English - Latest episode: 4 days ago - ★★★★★ - 67 ratingsJef and Jon review movies by randomly rolling on an audience-submitted list.
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Episodes
Movie Mastery – Descendants (2015)
April 18, 2020 04:21 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-descendants-2015.mp3 Over a year ago I was at a Baskin-Robbins with Jef when I saw a cake theme in their book of birthday cake options that was apparently themed around Disney villain children going to high school together. This confounded me and now I can say that seeing it is no less baffling. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Bee Movie (2007) But This Time it’s an Actual Review and Not an April Fool’s Joke
April 02, 2020 15:23 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/04/movie-mastery-bee-movie-for-reals.mp3 Barry B. Benson is no ordinary bee. He’s a shitty bee you immediately hate. Let’s follow along with his entitled crusade to become a lawyer and sue for all the honey he never worked for anyway, and sort of kind of falls in love with a human? Also was this movie just made to throw a few paychecks to NBC alumni? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Bee Movie (2007) but Every Time We Say Bee the Review Goes Faster
April 01, 2020 15:28 - 14 minuteshttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/movie-mastery-bee-movie-2007.mp3 Barry B. Benson is no ordinary bee. He’s a shitty bee you immediately hate. Let’s follow along with his entitled crusade to become a lawyer and sue for all the honey he never worked for anyway, and sort of kind of falls in love with a human? Also every time we say “Bee” the review starts going faster. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Captain America (1979)
March 19, 2020 19:13 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/movie-mastery-captain-america-1979.mp3 Since we were supposed to go see a superhero movie in the theaters this week but couldn’t because of global pandemic, we decided to finally sit down and watch Reb Brown in all his glory as Captain America. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Shock Treatment (1981)
March 04, 2020 23:03 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/03/movie-mastery-shock-treatment.mp3 The black hole of shitty musicals has yet to release us from its gravity well and has instead dragged special guest Claire down into the muck with us. This is the sequel(?) to Rocky Horror kind of and also just bad. Enjoy! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Sonic the Hedgehog
February 21, 2020 01:07 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/movie-mastery-sonic-the-hedgehog.mp3 After a much-hated initial design, Sonic is back with a less horror inducing look and a strange obsession with preaching the inherent superiority of “small town ideals”. Also, I guess he has lightning powers now so there’s that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Repo! The Genetic Opera (2008)
February 07, 2020 21:58 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/02/movie-mastery-repo-the-genetic-opera.mp3 It’s the musical movie with a cult following that I can only assume likes it ironically. I literally cannot fathom why anyone would choose to watch this more than once. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Cats
January 23, 2020 23:20 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/movie-mastery-cats.mp3 You did it. You made us go see Cats. I hope you’re proud of yourselves. Now reality has lost all meaning and Jon can’t seem to stop introducing himself as Jauntypine the Podcast Cat. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Winter’s Tale (2014)
January 11, 2020 02:43 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2020/01/movie-mastery-winters-tale.mp3 What if stars are miracles left by people when they die and we wish on the love of those who have gone before with heaven’s wishing love miracle? What if every person has a miracle inside them but also is a miracle in and of themselves? What if a horse was actually a dog? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Fred Claus (2007)
December 13, 2019 18:31 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/12/movie-mastery-fred-claus.mp3 Jef has been allowed to take over the movie decisions for the month and has decided it’s “A Very Vince Vaughn Christmas”. First up we find out out Santa’s deadbeat brother and also there are just so many questions about the world building in this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Doctor Sleep
November 28, 2019 00:05 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/movie-mastery-doctor-sleep.mp3 In a surprising twist, this sequel to a novel/movie that is 30 years old isn’t just some random garbage thrown together for a cash grab. But is it good? You’ll just have to listen to find out. Or watch it yourself. Or I guess read some other review. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Future Cops (1993)
November 14, 2019 21:09 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/11/movie-mastery-future-cops.mp3 When the past needs saving, you call the Future Cops! They’re…well, they’re just Street Fighter guys with a flair for the slapstick. This still might be a better Street Fighter movie than the one we actually got, though. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Countdown
October 31, 2019 20:24 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/movie-mastery-countdown.mp3 October comes to a close and so too must Horrortoberfest but first one final treat from these tricksters. We said we weren’t doing an In Theaters episode this month but we totally are! Enjoy a movie that definitely isn’t quite as bad as the premise might lead you to believe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Return to Horror Hotel (2019)
October 17, 2019 20:32 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/movie-mastery-return-to-horror-hotel.mp3 This horror anthology runs the gamut of topics from the subversive quality of platonic male touch to the charming and lovely nature of middle America that we all still seem to look down on. No, wait, sorry. That’s just the bits we’re doing. The movie is about finding out how low budget you can make short movies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Await Further Instructions
October 03, 2019 23:59 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/movie-mastery-await-further-instructions.mp3 Have you ever thought, “You know what? Maybe technology isn’t great and we rely on it too much”? Well then you should watch Black Mirror. Have you already watched all of Black Mirror? I guess you could probably watch this then. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – IT: Chapter 2
September 20, 2019 02:36 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/movie-mastery-it-chapter-2.mp3 The end of the clown saga is here. With a fairly bloated run time of just under 3 hours; can Chapter 2 capture the magic from the first one? Or will the story of a bunch of 40 year olds remembering when they got scared as kids not hold up as well? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Mom and Dad Save the World
September 06, 2019 20:04 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/09/movie-mastery-mom-and-dad-save-the-world.mp3 Imagine if someone with no sense of humor decided they wanted to make a movie like Spaceballs. Now imagine they decided to make it a Jeffrey Jones vehicle. Now imagine you had to watch it for a podcast. Ok, now imagine an elephant with six legs. Imagination is fun! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Dora the Explorer and the Lost City of Gold
August 25, 2019 19:45 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/08/movie-mastery-dora-the-explorer.mp3 In this children’s TV show turned teen adventure movie, the entire thing seems to have been dipped in a layer of magical realism where talking monkeys are simply nonsensical but talking, bipedal foxes in masks are hardly noteworthy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me
August 08, 2019 21:07 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/08/movie-mastery-twin-peaks-fire-walk-with-me.mp3 Content Warning: David Lynch kinda went all in on the rape stuff in this movie. It’s just one more bit of awful in the sea of garbage that is this awful, boring movie. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Crawl
July 25, 2019 19:24 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/07/movie-mastery-crawl.mp3 A movie about alligators attacking during a hurricane is actually getting some pretty decent critical reviews. But can a well crafted horror movie penetrate Jef’s tough, scaly hatred for the genre? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – The Scorpion King 5: Book of Souls (2018)
July 12, 2019 21:57 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/07/movie-mastery-scorpion-king-5-book-of-souls.mp3 Technically we randomly rolled The Scorpion King as our movie this week. However, after seeing that a Scorpion King 5 existed; we simply needed to know what was going on with this franchise. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Dark Phoenix
June 27, 2019 23:30 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/06/movie-mastery-dark-phoenix.mp3 It’s time to review the final installment in the X-Men franchise under Fox. Is it going to be more of the same and end on a real wet fart of a movie? Golly, that would be sad! Let’s hope not! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – The Crow (1994)
June 14, 2019 19:08 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/06/movie-mastery-the-crow.mp3 Were you a little gothy kid in the 90s? Then you don’t need us to tell you about this movie. Or, actually, you probably do because this one gets some serious goth tinted glasses. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Pokemon: Detective Pikachu
May 30, 2019 21:14 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/movie-mastery-detective-pikachu.mp3 We went to go see Detective Pikachu after I messed up and only put 3 options on the available poll for the month. Oh well, now you can learn all about how we don’t know anything about Pokemon and how Jef continues to find theaters with the worst people in them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Gravy (2015)
May 16, 2019 23:00 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/movie-mastery-gravy.mp3 Three cannibals take a small restaurant hostage for their annual Halloween feast. But don’t worry, it’s light hearted and jokey. But don’t worry, it’s also incredibly gory. But don’t worry, none of it works and the whole thing sucks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Avengers: Endgame
May 02, 2019 20:44 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/05/movie-mastery-avengers-endgame.mp3 It’s an extra long episode about an extra long movie. Over 20 movies in the making and now two idiots from the internet get to nitpick minor quibbles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Spice World (1998)
April 18, 2019 23:23 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/04/movie-mastery-spice-world.mp3 It’s time to dive into the spicy world of girl power and see if somehow a movie based on and starring a band can in any way be good. Almost certainly not but we are obligated to watch it none the less. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – The Item (1999)
April 04, 2019 22:08 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/04/movie-mastery-the-item.mp3 Any time you find a movie that is written, directed by, and starring the same person you know it is either going to be a true masterpiece or a pile of self-indulgent garbage. Given the fact that you’ve probably never heard of this and the plot revolves around a dick-worm puppet; I’ll let you decide which. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Captain Marvel
March 22, 2019 18:32 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/movie-mastery-captain-marvel.mp3 It’s time to go back to the mid 90’s which means it’s right in our wheelhouse. Is this the feminist icon we’ve all been waiting for or have the SJWs ruined everything by allowing movies to have speaking roles for women in them? I feel dirty even having typed that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Hard Ticket to Hawaii
March 08, 2019 04:07 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/03/movie-mastery-hard-ticket-to-hawaii.mp3 Some sort of agents of some sort of agency run around Hawaii shooting weird thugs and taking their tops off. Come for Jef’s ebullient love of good old fashioned boob movies, stay for the rocket launcher. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – What Men Want
February 21, 2019 23:29 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/movie-mastery-what-men-want.mp3 Barely winning out in the poll for the month, this sequel(?) to an almost 20 year old movie raises a lot of questions. Questions like “Who cares?” and “Why are we watching this?” Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Jupiter Ascending (2015)
February 07, 2019 22:51 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/02/movie-mastery-jupiter-ascending.mp3 With a movie that was universally panned when it came out; will this turn out to be a sleeper of a hit? Or were the critics right and the whole thing is a ridiculous pile of nonsense? Maybe both? Find out on today’s Movie Mastery. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
January 27, 2019 07:48 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/movie-mastery-spiderman-into-the-spiderverse.mp3 You asked for it (like a month ago), you got it! We cover the animated sensation of the year. Nay! The decade! Does this new Spider-Man live up to the hype or are we so dead inside that joy can no longer penetrate our thick and scaly hides? Find out! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Truth or Dare (2017)
January 11, 2019 05:23 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2019/01/movie-mastery-truth-or-dare.mp3 This week’s review is a little different as we go off from the normal format and Jon picks the movie. It’s a film so insidious that it has haunted his very existence for the past several months and it’s time he inflicted it on other people. Enjoy this double length episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Babes in Toyland (1986)
December 15, 2018 20:12 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/12/Movie-Mastery-Babes-in-Toyland-1986.mp3 A Christmas movie from Jon’s past comes back to haunt Jef. This fever dream of a movie with no budget and a big name cast will meander around for about a half hour’s worth of content. Just like we do! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald
December 01, 2018 04:45 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/movie-mastery-fantastic-beasts-tcog.mp3 Return once more to the Wizarding World where we follow out hero Newt Scamander as he barely manages to be part of the plot that is happening around him. Everyone from the first movie is back with barely any screentime because Johnny Depp is here and he’s got an accent. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Down Periscope (1996)
November 16, 2018 21:44 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/movie-mastery-down-periscope.mp3 Did Jef and Jon enjoy this movies subtle themes? Or did they find the entire thing to be sub par? One things for sure, watch this movie with sub-titles on. SUB JOKES! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Black Mountain Side (2014)
November 02, 2018 06:10 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/11/movie-mastery-black-mountain-side.mp3 Back with one last stab at some horror before the last of October’s spookiness gives way to too much food and presents. This one has both of us in agreement on the quality of the film. Does this mean Jef finally liked a horror movie? No. It does not. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Horrortoberfest ’18 Day 14 – Venom
October 18, 2018 21:44 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/10/movie-mastery-venom.mp3 While not fully a horror film, I’m still counting this as an entry for the years Horrortoberfest. There’s a weird monster that possesses someone and it eats people so, you know, it’s close enough for me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery/Horrortoberfest ’18 Day 4 – The Unborn (2009)
October 04, 2018 22:13 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/10/movie-mastery-the-unborn.mp3 Taking a quick detour from the 80s horror week so that Jef can, once again, miss out on good movies and watch some crap that can’t even be saved by brief appearances from both Idris Elba and Gary Oldman. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – The Predator
September 20, 2018 20:34 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/09/movie-mastery-the-predator.mp3 Once again, an alien species of hunters comes to Earth but this time it’s not trophies that they’re after. Can our ragtag crew of soldiers with PTSD, a biologist, and a kid with super autism stop this threat? Yes, obviously. Is it any good? Ehhhh. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Moontrap: Target Earth (2017)
September 07, 2018 21:06 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/09/movie-mastery-moontrap-target-earth.mp3 The movie cover shows giant fighting robots and the back promises a story of time travel and a dire rush to save the Earth. The movie delivers repeating exposition in a warehouse with no time travel and the only robots look like 6 foot tall foam Bionicles. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Slender Man (2018)
August 23, 2018 17:28 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/08/movie-mastery-slender-man.mp3 A terrifying internet meme comes to life and turns out to basically be if The Ring was about incredibly annoying teenagers. Also, instead of being a creepy background figure, Slender Man has turned into basically a mean tree spirit that will straight-up choke a bitch. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Crash & Burn (1990)
August 11, 2018 05:06 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/08/movie-mastery-crash-and-burn.mp3 In the distant future of 2030, Earth is ravaged by the depletion of the ozone layer and one corporation holds power over everyone. Also, there are giant, sad-looking robots that are totally sweet. Now, forget all that because none of it matters and everything is bad actors talking in a factory. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again
July 27, 2018 00:10 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/movie-mastery-mamma-mia-2.mp3 It’s time to revisit the magical island paradise where rich white people sing and dance their cares away while the local Greeks toil in the background. In this prequel/sequel mash-up we discover exactly what the circumstances were when a young Donna boned down with 3 dudes in a couple weeks. Finally, the questions we all asked get answered. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – DOA: Dead or Alive (2006)
July 12, 2018 22:29 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/07/movie-mastery-doa-dead-or-alive.mp3 It’s a movie based on a video game that is pretty much only known for the fact that the boobs would jiggle. You can probably guess what the movie’s cinematography tends to focus on. Also, you might have thought this came out in the 90s to cash in on the Mortal Kombat movie but it was 2006 and I’m frankly stunned. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Hereditary
June 28, 2018 18:49 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/movie-mastery-hereditary.mp3 We went a little overboard talking about the latest critical darling of the horror world. Did we talk for almost an hour and forty minutes because we loved it or hated it? Only one way to find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – Solo (1996)
June 14, 2018 22:41 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/06/movie-mastery-solo.mp3 After the Deadpool 2 review, everyone was asking if we would also review Solo. We here at System Mastery podcasts are nothing if not open to listening to the desires of our fans. So, here it is in all of it’s nonsensical glory. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
In Theaters Now – Deadpool 2
May 31, 2018 22:14 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-deadpool.mp3 Once again, Jon is joined by Quinn and Josette from the Swallows of the South podcast to provide our thoughts on Deadpool 2. Though mostly it’s our thoughts on weird mouth sounds and talking like a baby. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices
Movie Mastery – The Core (2003)
May 18, 2018 01:37 - 1 hourhttps://systemmastery.files.wordpress.com/2018/05/movie-mastery-the-core.mp3 It’s another week of special guest hosts but this time you get twice the guests for half the cost! Jo and Quinn join in watching a disaster movie with probably the shakiest science I’ve seen in one of these. Also, we get into some Egyptian mythology for…some reason. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices