IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective
210 episodes - English - Latest episode: 4 days ago -This podcast will help parents of teens keep life's struggles as a teen, and as a parent of a teen, in perspective. Parents will learn real tools to help them help their teens. They will learn how to build a rock solid relationship with their teen so they will have a powerful impact and a positive influence on their teen's life.
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Episodes
Parent with 100% Responsibility!
July 15, 2021 07:00 - 25 minutes - 17.6 MB100% Responsibility = Power We live in a world that often refuses to be responsible and to take responsibility. As a result, it's common to blame others. Lately, in my own life, I've been extra aware of the blaming that takes place around me, especially when I'm guilty of doing the blaming. I've noticed two things over and over, . . . #1 Blaming positions you as the victim, every time! #2 Taking 100% responsibility empowers you, EVERY TIME! What is 100% Responsibility? First of ...
Parent with 100% Responsibility!
July 15, 2021 07:00 - 25 minutes - 17.6 MB100% Responsibility = Power We live in a world that often refuses to be responsible and to take responsibility. As a result, it's common to blame others. Lately, in my own life, I've been extra aware of the blaming that takes place around me, especially when I'm guilty of doing the blaming. I've noticed two things over and over, . . . #1 Blaming positions you as the victim, every time! #2 Taking 100% responsibility empowers you, EVERY TIME! What is 100% Responsibility? First of ...
What are your Parenting Values?
July 08, 2021 07:00 - 29 minutes - 20 MBWhat are Values? Values are your beliefs about what is and is not important. Values are our principles, standards, and priorities. Values are deep-seated beliefs and ways of thinking that motivate and drive our actions. Your values live in your subconscious thoughts. Usually, you don't even know about them, but they still impact your actions and behaviors, such as unconscious habits. Your values are a way of BEing. You live and express your values subconsciously without even thinking...
Up-level Your Parenting!
July 01, 2021 07:00 - 46 minutes - 32.3 MBWhen you judge your teens, you disconnect with them. “When I pull back and look at the big picture, does it matter if my kid sleeps all day? (. . .) In the big scheme of things, it really doesn't matter.” ~ Marika Humphreys "It was helpful to question and really let go of my expectations of what I thought my kid should be doing, and that was the gateway towards acceptance of who my child really is, and now I see them as the amazing kid they are." ~ Marika Humphreys "I stopped judging my ...
Parenting on the Same Page: Magical or Mythical?
June 24, 2021 06:00 - 27 minutes - 18.8 MBThe Myth of Parenting on The Same Page The myth of parenting on the same page is that it will "fix" all of your problems in your relationship and with your teens. The myth is that when you parent on the same page, you will magically agree with everything that your spouse does. Or even better yet, they will magically agree with everything that you do. The Problem with "Same Page" Parenting I have many problems with same page parenting. I've seen spouses manipulate each other in name ...
How this Teen Developed Super-Confidence Through Self-Coaching!
June 17, 2021 07:00 - 43 minutes - 29.8 MB“Once you accept everything, and you become aware of how you're feeling and why your feeling that way, you can then move forward. instead continually just regressing backwards.” ~ Abdallah Abdallah Was Committed Because He Invested in Himself Abdallah's mom invited Abdallah to invest in himself and his future. It's painful to part with $500, but he trusted that it would be worth it. Teens get more value from coaching when they are fully committed and have invested in themselves. Thi...
Be the Change from the Inside Out
June 10, 2021 07:00 - 24 minutes - 17.1 MBTimes I've Tried to Change From the Outside In. I've got to be honest. I am guilty of trying to change things from the outside in. Even with everything that I know, I still find myself trying to change things from the outside in. Just yesterday, in fact it was probably today at like 12:30 am on the way home from my oldest son's basketball tournament, I tried to change something from the outside in. I wanted my son to go to summer football workouts the next morning and he didn't want to...
GROWTH THROUGH TOUGH PARENTING MOMENTS WITH ZACH SPAFFORD
June 03, 2021 07:00 - 44 minutes - 30.8 MBWhat Tough Parenting Moments DO & DON'T Mean Becoming a Professional Parent No one shames professional athletes for working to improve themselves. We actually respect them for their dedication and hard work. Don't let others hold you back because of their thoughts or their shame. You can improve as a parent with dedication and hard work. I Should vs I Want vs I Will vs I AM! Should doesn't serve us. It holds us back. An up grade from "I should" is "I want." The next step is, "I wil...
Parenting Transformation vs Improvement
May 27, 2021 07:00 - 20 minutes - 14.1 MBTransformation VS Improvement. Improvement focuses on better whereas transformation focuses on different. Usually, improvement is focused on the perceived problems, and simply improving how we respond to the problem. Transformation on the other hand is focused on the vision of what could be and becoming the vision. There is a time a place for both transformation and improvement. To Transform or to Improve, That is The Question Like I said, there is a time and a place for both tran...
My Top 3 Parenting Mistakes
May 20, 2021 07:00 - 25 minutes - 17.6 MB"It's not how we make mistakes, but how we correct them that defines us." ~ Rachel Wolchin #3 Catastrophizing! This is one of my all-time favorites. Some people have accused me of making this word up, but it's a real word with a real definition. catastrophize : to imagine the worst possible outcome of an action or event: to think about a situation or event as being a catastrophe or having a potentially catastrophic outcome This is one of the biggest mistakes that I make as a parent a...
Loving Your Teen, Starts with Loving Yourself
May 13, 2021 07:00 - 33 minutes - 23.3 MBAngie is a mom of 4 and wanted to get coaching to be more intentional with her parenting. She realized that she was doing a lot of parenting out of either shame or fear. She was worried about what others thought about her and her parenting. This lead to her parenting in an attempt to please others that wasn't actually aligned with her values. I wanted to share with you some of Angie's parenting models that she shared with us on the podcast. C- Teen's choices T- She's going to ruin her ...
You Can Transform Your Relationships
May 06, 2021 07:00 - 22 minutes - 15.8 MBYOU Can Be The Change You Want To See! I know I always say this, but it's still true! You CAN be the change that you want to see in your teen. Lately, I've done a lot of relationship coaching on with one spouse or another about their relationship with their spouse, or with a mother-in-law, or with a parent. I use the same rules to coach them on these relationships as I use to coach them on their relationship with their teen. You cannot change your spouse, your mother-in-law, or your par...
Interview with a Real Life Mom, Diana
April 29, 2021 07:00 - 42 minutes - 29 MB"Can You Fix Us?" We were hoping that you could fix us and our parenting, change our parenting, and fix our teen. There's no magical fix. You actually have to do the work. I CAN BE THE CHANGE! Defining Your Role as a Parent Having the vision of "Who do I want to be as a parent?", will empower you as a parent. When you set your intention, you are more likely to parent in alignment with your vision. Explore, "Who do I want to be as a parent?" "How do I want to show up today?" The ch...
How to Leave the Herd Mentality Behind
April 22, 2021 07:00 - 21 minutes - 14.9 MBHuman Beings are Herd Animals This is not a bad thing. We have evolved this way. It has kept us alive as a species. The problem is that most people aren't' aware of their herd mentality and the impact that it has on their lives and how they parent. Some examples of herd thinking, feeling, and actions are religion, politics, and sports. There's nothing wrong with any of them, but often time people don't even realize that they are in a herd. I've recently explored how being a herd anima...
Myths and Truths About Procrastinating Teens
April 15, 2021 07:00 - 22 minutes - 15.8 MBProcrastination is a natural human habit and tendency, but you don't have to be its slave. 5 Myths About Procrastinating Teens Myth #1 My Teen is Lazy. Myth #2 Procrastination is a Character Flaw Myth #3 Procrastination Will Ruin My Teen's Life Myth #4 My Teen will ALWAYS Be a Procrastinator Myth #5 Procrastination is a HUGE Problem 5 Truths About Procrastinating Teens Truth #1 Procrastination is Part of Being Human Truth #2 Your Teen Can Learn How to Stop Procrastinating Truth ...
Interview with Real Life Dad: Louis
April 08, 2021 07:00 - 51 minutes - 35.3 MB"External events should not affect how you feel." ~ Louis Wheel of Life This is a visual concept that I teach to help parents and teens understand that life is 50/50. It's 50% pleasant and 50% unpleasant. This is normal. Nothing has gone wrong. When things are going great in our lives, we are on the top of the wheel. When things kind of suck, or things aren't going how we want them to, we are on the bottom of the wheel. Sometimes, when we are on the top of the wheel, we forget to enjo...
Stop Procrastinating Masterclass for Teens with Joey Mascio
April 01, 2021 07:00 - 31 minutes - 21.7 MBWhy do Teens Procrastinate? First of all, procrastination is just part of being a human. It's part of what we do to conserve energy and keep ourselves safe. A lot of the teens that I work with have the habit of procrastinating in an attempt to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom or overwhelm. Often times when we've procrastinated, the result is more of what we were avoiding in the first place. I have one client who procrastinates her school work because she feels overwhelme...
Joey Mascio - Teen Life Coach
April 01, 2021 07:00 - 31 minutes - 21.7 MBWhy do Teens Procrastinate? First of all, procrastination is just part of being a human. It's part of what we do to conserve energy and keep ourselves safe. A lot of the teens that I work with have the habit of procrastinating in an attempt to avoid feeling an unpleasant emotion like boredom or overwhelm. Often times when we've procrastinated, the result is more of what we were avoiding in the first place. I have one client who procrastinates her school work because she feels overwhelme...
How to Use the Honeymoon Phase
March 25, 2021 07:00 - 29 minutes - 20.2 MBWhat is the Honeymoon Phase? This podcast is in response to a question that I recently got from one of our podcast listeners. So, Gosia, this podcast is for you. Back when my wife and I hosted a podcast about foster parenting we had an episode all about using the honeymoon phase as a foster parent. One thing that we had noticed as foster parents was that a lot of foster parents would discredit and discount the positive behaviors of their foster kids, and say things like, "They're just o...
Intention After Awareness Part 2
March 18, 2021 07:00 - 24 minutes - 16.6 MBAwareness Changes EVERYTHING! Last week we talked about the power of awareness and how to develop the skill of awareness. I believe that awareness should come before we try to make changes. Many times, once we've increased our awareness, things change without us even trying to bring about change. Intentionality is the Next Step. It's powerful to be aware of what's truly going on in your life. Far too often, we realize that things are not going how we would like them to, and we jump s...
Awareness Before Intention Part 1
March 11, 2021 08:00 - 23 minutes - 16.3 MBAwareness Changes EVERYTHING! Have you ever heard the saying, "You don't know what you don't know"? This is true in our own lives. We don't know what we don't know. Often times we simply know that we want a change, but we lack the awareness to really understand exactly what it is that we want to change. Often times we think we can simply change our actions and gets the change that we are looking for. Simply changing the action is rarely enough to create the change that we want. Increa...
You Find What You Look For
March 04, 2021 08:00 - 12 minutes - 8.38 MBYour Brain is Like Google Your brain is seriously like Google. It will find whatever you are looking for, and in record time, along with tons of supporting evidence. Dads might notice their favorite car on the road or a trophy buck up a mountainside. Moms might notice a particularly good deal on a favorite purchase or always know where their kids' shoes are. The brain is constantly searching for what we want to find. I love seeing bald eagles while I'm out. When I'm in the mountains ...
YOUR Thoughts and Beliefs Impact Your Teens!
February 25, 2021 08:00 - 19 minutes - 13.7 MBTeenagers inadvertently adopt our mindsets and beliefs! "Calm is contagious [ . . .] You can supplant any word you want for 'calm' — chaos is contagious, panic is contagious, stupid 100% is contagious, [ . . ] "So we like 'calm' because it lets you keep your head, it keeps you focused on the mission at hand." ~ Former Navy SEAL Commander, Rorke Denver Human Beings are Herd Animals We like to be part of a herd or a tribe. Similar to animals, we mirror the behavior of others. We adopt many...
Blame, Shame and Excuses
February 18, 2021 08:00 - 21 minutes - 14.6 MBWhat is blaming? First of all, blaming is part of being human! As far as I know, EVERYONE blames sometimes. It's important to talk about blame because many times we do this without realizing that we are doing it. Blaming is simply giving responsibility for something that we think has gone wrong, to someone or something else. We live in a day and age when blaming is the norm, and it is 100% acceptable. Why do we blame? The main reason that we blame others is to avoid feeling certain...
Manipulation, People-Pleasing, and Manuals
February 11, 2021 08:00 - 23 minutes - 16.5 MBWhat is Manipulation? Trying to change or control other peoples' actions, feelings, and/or thoughts according to our own desires. Often times we manipulate our teens by trying to get them to feel negative emotions, like shame, guilt, or sadness. Manipulation is a human skill that can be used for good and for bad. What is People-Pleasing? People-Pleasing is when we do something that we do not want to do in an effort to please someone else. People-Pleasing is socially acceptable manipula...
Are you Driving Away your Teen?
February 04, 2021 08:00 - 16 minutes - 11.2 MBWhy Do We "Need" to Fix Others? I want to start out by saying that human beings are fixers! We love to fix things! As parents, many of us have come to believe that it is our job to fix our teens. Coupled with our years of experience and all our time, love and resources invested on our kids, we think we have the duty and right to change and fix our teens. When we try to fix or change our teens, what it really means is that we think there is something wrong with them and that they are not...
Find Out What's Possible!
January 28, 2021 08:00 - 18 minutes - 12.9 MBHave You Ever Limited Yourself with a Goal? I have done this, and I've seen both the parents and teens that I work with do this too. You set a goal that's "realistic." In fact, you hold yourself back a little just to make sure that is is realistic. You reach your goal in half the time that you planned, and then you sit back and relax and do little to nothing more. This is just one example of having a limiting goal. Other times, we simply don't set our sights high enough. I heard Cli...
Improving your Mental and Emotional Health
January 21, 2021 08:00 - 35 minutes - 24.6 MBEveryone's Mental Health Needs are Unique Last week we talked about mental and emotional health and how I define it. For me, Mental Health refers to: Mental and emotional well being. The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions and results. The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small. It's the ability to problem solve and overcome struggles and challenges. Not everyone's mental and emotion...
Mental and Emotional Health
January 14, 2021 08:00 - 27 minutes - 19 MBMental Health vs Mental Illness vs Mental Disorder Lots of people use the terms "mental health," "mental illness," and "mental disorder" interchangeably. For me, mental health and mental illness refer to two different things. For me, Mental Health refers to: Mental and emotional well being. The ability to be aware of one's thoughts, feelings, and how they relate to their actions. The ability to process thoughts and emotions, both positive and negative or large and small. It's the...
Being Resilient is Hard . . . and that's OK!
January 07, 2021 08:00 - 21 minutes - 14.6 MBWhy Is It SO Hard To Be Resilient? It IS hard to be resilient, and it’s hard to develop resilience. But, it’s not hard in an impossible bad way. It’s hard in a good empowering way. Asking why it’s hard to develop resilience is like asking why it’s hard to bench press or lift weights. The answer is because it has to be hard. Lifting weights is supposed to be hard. If it wasn’t hard, you wouldn’t get stronger. As you get better, you intentionally make it harder by adding more and more weigh...
How to Shift your Mindset: Goal Setting
December 31, 2020 08:00 - 28 minutes - 19.9 MB3 Simple Mindset Shifts Desire vs Shame Instead of letting shame drive your goals, try harnessing the power of desire. Instead of, "I need," or "I should," try . . . "I WANT TO . . . !" "I want to stop yelling at my teen." "I want to appreciate my teen." Can you feel the difference? Rather than doing it out of shame, you're doing it for you, out of desire. When it comes to your goals or resolutions, drop the shame. Do it out of love. Do it out of desire for who you want to be. This wi...
Christmas Gift!
December 24, 2020 08:00 - 15 minutes - 11 MBTwo Traditions, "Christmas Gift!" and Find the Lamb My wife's family has a tradition. Each Christmas, people try to be the first to greet one another by saying, "Christmas Gift!" We try to sneak in to the house without being seen, just so we can catch someone unaware and "Christmas Gift" them. It's a fun tradition that gets the whole family involved. In my home we have a huge Christmas Village. There are 15 houses/buildings, 2 ponds with skaters, 2 bridges, a train, a nativity scene, ...
Future Self
December 16, 2020 20:00 - 24 minutes - 17.1 MBWhat is your future? Your future-self only exists in your imagination. Your future is not better than your present or your past. Your future-self can be a guide and mentor. When we focus on our future, that focus can give us direction in the present and in difficult moments. The better we get to know our future-self, the more we live in alignment with who we want to become. Live from “What’s possible?” Too many times we define ourselves by our past mistakes and struggles. It's much...
Your Present-Self
December 10, 2020 08:00 - 22 minutes - 15.5 MBWhat is your present? This is where you have power and control. What you think about your past or your future is in the present. You have the power to control how you will think about your past and future from now on. What you currently think and believe creates how you feel and act, which determines your current reality and results. We are creating our future right now in the present by the way we think, feel, and behave. How you feel in regards to your past or future is determined ...
Your Past-Self
December 03, 2020 16:00 - 25 minutes - 17.4 MBWhat is your past? Your past self only exists in your mind in the form of memories. All those moments in the past that you are proud of, or maybe a little ashamed of, only exist in memory form. You get to decide what your past means in your life. You get to define how your past influences your present. You get to decide the story that you tell about your past. Your past self has created your current patterns, habits, and circumstances. Your past-self did the very best that they could! The...
Lessons Learned in 2020
November 26, 2020 08:00 - 15 minutes - 10.4 MBLook for opportunities instead of obstacles. Early in 2020, I followed a lot of the narrative about how bad 2020 was turning out to be. Inadvertently, I started believing all of the talk and I started seeing all of the obstacles. Before I knew it, I was down, depressed, worried, and convinced that 2020 was indeed the worst year ever. Luckily I started looking for the opportunities instead of the obstacles. I realized that, thanks to some of the issues we've been facing in 2020, there ...
How to Manage Your Own Emotions - Part 2
November 19, 2020 14:00 - 22 minutes - 15.3 MBManaging your emotions is POWERFUL! Last week we talked about the power of managing YOUR OWN emotions. We discussed how it is an opportunity for you as a parent to turn tough parenting moments into powerful parenting moments. We talked about how managing your emotions will help you connect with your teen, teach by example, and be intentional in the way you parent. Today I wanted to dig in a little deeper and discuss How to Manage Your Emotions. 3 A's to help with emotion. Awareness ...
Managing Your Own Emotions
November 12, 2020 08:00 - 28 minutes - 19.3 MBEmotionally Intentional Parenting is POWERFUL! Some parenting experts say, "You've got to parent WITHOUT emotion." I think that idea is SO WRONG! Our teens don't want to be parented by robots. they want parents who are emotionally invested. Rather than parenting without emotion, we need to parent with intention and control when it comes to our emotions. Most of people in the world think that how they feel is based on their circumstances. YOU HAVE THE POWER to turn challenging parentin...
How to Manage Your Own Emotions - Part 1
November 12, 2020 08:00 - 28 minutes - 19.3 MBEmotionally Intentional Parenting is POWERFUL! Some parenting experts say, "You've got to parent WITHOUT emotion." I think that idea is SO WRONG! Our teens don't want to be parented by robots. they want parents who are emotionally invested. Rather than parenting without emotion, we need to parent with intention and control when it comes to our emotions. Most of people in the world think that how they feel is based on their circumstances. YOU HAVE THE POWER to turn challenging parentin...
What Do You Really Want?
November 05, 2020 14:00 - 24 minutes - 16.6 MBWhat Do You Want? Most of us think we have a pretty good idea about what we want. When someone asks us, "What do you want for your birthday?" or "What do you want for Christmas?" we can usually come up with an answer pretty quickly. So, I want to do an exercise with you. This is an exercise that I have done with some of my past students, foster kids, my own kids, and often with my clients. Quick Exercise Step #1 Pause this episode and write a list of 10 things that you really want....
How to Motivate Your Teen
October 29, 2020 07:00 - 28 minutes - 19.9 MBWhy do you want to motivate your teen? This is a powerful question and one that I have to remind myself of often. I've found that when I want to motivate my teen, it's because I want him to do life differently. I want HIM TO CHANGE. This has been consistent with the parents who are looking for help motivating their teens. They want to motivate them to be different and to do things differently. It's important to be aware of what we really want when we want to motivate our teens. It's p...
Relationships Strengthen Resilience
October 22, 2020 07:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MBRelationships are part of resilience! Resilience is a hot buzzword right now in education, which is making it be a hot buzzword in parenting too. This is great! It's important that we understand resilience and become more aware of what we are doing to increase our resilience. But, I worry that too many parents and teachers believe that they are not qualified to help our teens develop resilience. You are qualified! You have the tools to help your teen build resilience. In the article, ...
How to Discipline without Drama
October 15, 2020 07:00 - 23 minutes - 16.1 MBHow to discipline without drama. Keep Things in Perspective. Remember that challenging parenting moments are nothing more than learning and teaching opportunities. Look inward: What can you control? What is your role? How do you want to show up? Be emotionally intentional. Model emotional control This will help you build a rock-solid relationship This will solidify the message you are teaching. Focus on your role and be intentional. My role as a dad is to teach, coach, and suppo...
Parenting with Purpose, on Purpose
October 08, 2020 07:00 - 23 minutes - 16 MBWhy is purpose so important? In Lewis Carroll's book, Alice in Wonderland, Alice comes to a fork in the road and asks, “Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?' 'That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,' said the Cat. 'I don't much care where -' said Alice. 'Then it doesn't matter which way you go,' said the Cat." Many parents have never really taken the time to explore their purpose as a parent, which is totally understandable. I mean, it's not like a...
Difficult Conversations
October 01, 2020 07:00 - 35 minutes - 24.2 MBWhat makes a conversation "difficult"? Parents tell me all the time that they don't like having "difficult" conversations with their teens. "I don't like confrontation," some say. Or, "I don't want to make them uncomfortable." So, let's get curious for a minute. What is it that makes a conversation difficult? It's what we think about it. It's what we think the other person is thinking about it. It's a million other thoughts, but it always comes down to our thoughts. It's not that s...
BOOK REVIEW: Leadership and Self-Deception
September 24, 2020 07:00 - 29 minutes - 20.1 MBThis book is all about YOUR relationship with others. This is the #1 book that I recommend to others, parents, school leaders, EVERYONE! Tons of people say, "Oh, I don't like leadership books," or "I don't like self-improvement books." I get it, self-improvement books aren't for everyone; BUT, this book is different! It's actually a fable, a made up story just to teach a lesson, and it's so good. The first time I read it, it blew my mind! It completely changed my mindset and how I th...
Impact vs. Control
September 17, 2020 07:00 - 23 minutes - 16.1 MBControl is Impossible This is a really hard one for parents, even myself. We have this natural desire to control our teens. Think back a decade or so, when our teens were young kids and smaller, we could control a lot of aspects of their lives. When we asked them to get in the car, if they said "No," we could simply pick them up and strap them in a car seat. We were in control. Mission accomplished: kid and car and securely strapped in with no chance of escape. Now, if your teen is anyt...
Connect with Your Teen Where They Are!
September 10, 2020 07:00 - 28 minutes - 19.6 MBWhat is Connection? When I talk about connecting with your teen, I'm talking about YOU building YOUR relationship with them. You CANNOT control how your teen feels about you! You can do everything "right," only to have them hate and despise you. Connection is all about YOU controlling YOU and the things within YOUR control. How do you feel about your teen? How do you treat your teen, even when they are miserably difficult? Why Is Connecting Where They Are SO IMPORTANT!? When we try to...
Shame 101
September 03, 2020 07:00 - 31 minutes - 21.4 MBWhat is Shame? “Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough.” ~Brené Brown “Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change.” ~Brené Brown Shame drives parents and teens apart and creates a belief that you’re not good enough. Emotion It’s a feeling caused by a thought (conscious or unconscious) It goes hand in hand with our personal narrative, inner dialogue, the stories we tell ourselves. When we feel shame, we belie...
Resilience 101
August 27, 2020 07:00 - 27 minutes - 18.6 MB"It ain't about how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward." ~Rocky Balboa Resilience for parents and teens. Parents worry that their teens are still struggling, worry that their teens don’t have resilience, worry that things are too hard. You and your teens are human, you are going to struggle. Developing resilience means that you are struggling, doing hard things, and getting stronger and better equi...