Heal from Infidelity
141 episodes - English - Latest episode: 4 days ago -Heal from Infidelity is a podcast dedicated to teaching women how to heal their lives from the inside out after betrayal in their marriages. Life Coach Andrea Giles combines her own personal experience and coaching wisdom to help women move past their biggest hurdles of learning to trust themselves (and others) again. She will teach you how to create a life you never dreamed possible. You’ll be amazed at what you are capable of when you learn how to powerfully help yourself. For more information, visit andreagiles.com.
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Episodes
Three Myths and Three Truths About Infidelity | Ep #140
April 19, 2024 09:00 - 29 minutes - 21 MBIn this episode, I cover 3 common myths circulating about infidelity, and 3 truths to counter them. With a lot of conflicting information out there, it can be quite confusing to navigate a clear path forward. By applying the principles discussed in this episode, you will be able to more clearly identify your own path and what is best for you. Register for my free class, “How to Get Your Life Back After Infidelity” here: https://andrea-giles.mykajabi.com/webinar-apr24-confirmed To work ...
For My Male Listeners | Ep #139
April 05, 2024 09:00 - 21 minutes - 15.1 MBMost of my podcast episodes have been geared toward women who have experienced betrayal, but this one is for the men. First I address men who have been betrayed by their spouse/partner. I cover how betrayal affects men differently than women and why that is. Second, I address men who have betrayed their spouse. In my many years of coaching, I have learned that there is no black and white, and people are much more complicated than we make them out to be. You will learn some ideas that wil...
Losing Strategies | Ep #138
March 22, 2024 09:00 - 33 minutes - 23.6 MBGrowing up, we all take on behaviors that we use when our safety feels threatened. In this episode, I will be covering five strategies we use to try to get back a sense of safety. While these behaviors are common and we all participate in some (or all) of them at times, you’ll learn why they will ultimately not get you what you want. There may be a temporary feeling of “winning,” but in the end, we will be less connected with others, and usually less connected with ourselves. Tune in t...
Choosing and Being Chosen | Ep #137
March 08, 2024 10:00 - 21 minutes - 15.5 MBWhile we all want to be in relationships that are trusting and loving, at the root of it all what we really want is to feel deeply chosen. In this episode, I’ll share different examples (both personal and from clients) where the strong desire to know you are being chosen drives forward courageous action. I will also share how in order to feel deeply chosen, we have to strongly desire ourselves first. This pushes our growth as we develop into people who know what we what, and will hold a ...
5 Lessons from 5 Years of Coaching | Ep #136
February 23, 2024 10:00 - 30 minutes - 21.7 MBAfter having conversations with hundreds of people from all over the world in my five years of being an infidelity coach, there are some patterns, trends and truths I have learned. In this episode, I share those 5 truths and how they have changed some of my views around infidelity. This is one you do not want to miss as it may change some of your views, too. To work with me, go to: https://andreagiles.com/get-your-life-back/ Follow me on Instagram at: https://www.instagram.com/theinfid...
Toxic Independence | Ep #135
February 09, 2024 10:00 - 29 minutes - 20.5 MBIn a world that celebrates independence, it can seem like “weakness” to build relationships that require vulnerability. With “cancel culture” being rampant, it goes against the messages of the day, especially after infidelity, to fully lean in to building something that will last the test of time. In this episode I go over two common ways we relate with each other in relationships, and one that is less practiced but will get you far more traction. You will be able to identity where you a...
People-pleasing and Infidelity with Sara Fisk, Part 2 | Ep #134
January 26, 2024 10:19 - 41 minutes - 29.2 MBIn the 2nd of this 2 part series, Sara Fisk and Andrea go deeper into people-pleasing. They go into more detail about how people-pleasing tendencies can put relationships at risk, and how stopping people-pleasing can help relationships heal. You will learn: How we are all deeply wired to people-please How it is likely affecting you post-infidelity to people-please How taking responsibility for our own growth (and letting go of people-pleasing) is crucial to healing Sara Bybee Fisk...
People-pleasing and Infidelity with Sara Fisk, Part 1 | Ep #133
January 12, 2024 10:20 - 26 minutes - 18.5 MBDo you struggle with people-pleasing? Is it getting in the way of making clear decisions for yourself in the after-math of infidelity? In this 2-part series, Andrea and Sara Fisk talk all things people-pleasing. You will learn: How we are all deeply wired to people-please How it is likely affecting you post-infidelity to people-please How taking responsibility for our own growth (and letting go of people-pleasing) is crucial to healing Sara Bybee Fisk is a Master Certified Coach and...
Rebuilding Your Life After Infidelity with Lauren | Ep #132
December 29, 2023 10:00 - 56 minutes - 39.5 MBIn this episode, I interview a former client, Lauren. Be prepared for an episode you will go back to again and again as there were so many gems and truths in her words. Lauren not only shares in depth her personal story with her spouse's infidelity, but she shares her journey of coming back to herself after years of feeling like she wasn’t enough. I guarantee you will relate to many of the things she shares, and feel inspired by how she has taken charge of her own life to make it somethi...
Expectations of Healing | Ep #131
December 15, 2023 10:00 - 24 minutes - 17 MBHow do you define healing? If you think it means never hurting again, you can be setting yourself up for even more pain in the future. In this episode, I cover various ways we can sabotage our own healing, and clearly define what it actually means. You will also learn how to evaluate how far you have come, and what to be focusing on next. When we learn to change our expectations, everything feels less urgent, there is less pressure, and we grow our capacity to hold space for ourselve...
How to Change Relationship Dynamics | Ep #130
December 01, 2023 10:00 - 19 minutes - 13.8 MBAfter infidelity, it is easy to fall into the trap of trying to take control of the healing and recovery of your partner. In this episode, you will learn why this is not a healthy, long-term solution and what to try instead. We will cover: Differences between men and women and why our healing looks different Why learning to create more internal safety will get you the best results Why trying to control our spouse often back-fires If you want help navigating the aftermath of infide...
Seeing the Full Picture | Ep #129
November 17, 2023 10:00 - 27 minutes - 19.3 MBSometimes we can use popular opinion against ourselves. We can listen to the opinions of others, rather than deeply searching our own hearts for what is true. In this episode, I use a powerful analogy to teach you how to do your own “investigating” into what is true, beyond what outside sources may tell you. You will learn how to see the full scope of your situation, rather than focusing only on the things that feel the biggest or scariest. When we learn to get a broader view, we make ...
Financial Infidelity with Tracy Coenen | Ep #128
November 03, 2023 09:00 - 43 minutes - 30.2 MBRomantic infidelity and financial infidelity often go hand in hand. Money is frequently spent on the affair partner, and in high-control relationships, spouses can feel like they have no say about where the money goes. In this episode, guest Tracy Coenen and I discuss: Hidden money Financial rights for stay-at-home moms Divorce settlements Financial options, even if you are staying married Tracy has been investigating fraud for more than 25 years, but she didn’t always want to be ...
Changing the Dance | Ep #127
October 20, 2023 10:37 - 18 minutes - 13.3 MBInfidelity is one of the few things that can change everything, forever. There is no going back. How we deal with the “after” in infidelity is crucial. It presents an opportunity to change old patterns, learn new ways of being, and new ways to interact with one another. In this episode, you’ll learn how changing up the old patterns will serve you, whether you stay with your current spouse or not. You’ll understand why the only way forward is if both partners commit to being vulnerable, c...
A Spark of Desire | Ep #126
October 06, 2023 09:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MBDo you often feel like you “should” try to stay after infidelity? Or maybe you feel pressure from others telling you to leave because, as the saying goes, “Once a cheater, always a cheater?” In this episode, I shine a light on how to listen for what is actually true for you. Other well-meaning people will always have their opinions, but in the end, you are the one that has to live in your life. Desire is a strong indicator of the direction your wisest self wants to go. When you learn to ...
Intrusive Thoughts Part 2 | Ep #125
September 22, 2023 09:00 - 16 minutes - 11.7 MBIn this follow up to my last episode, “Intrusive Thoughts,” I go into more depth as to how to navigate the thoughts that seem to take over and rob you of your peace. I share two points that will help you gain some traction and direction the next time an intrusive thought shows up. Point one is about how intrusive thoughts can keep us stuck in the past rather than seeing what is in front of us. I also talk about how sometimes staying in this space can keep us from our own growth and devel...
Intrusive Thoughts | Ep #124
September 08, 2023 09:00 - 21 minutes - 15.1 MBDo you struggle with intrusive thoughts? These are the ones that pop up, seemingly out of nowhere, and can derail your whole day. In this episode, I cover where these thoughts come from, and how to process them so they no longer have a hold on you. You will learn a strategy that will: Help you bring more awareness to the thought Give you direction as to what to do with it (so you are in charge of the thought rather than it being in charge of you). If you are like every client I ha...
Cognitive Dissonance | Ep #123
August 25, 2023 09:00 - 28 minutes - 20.4 MBWhat happens when something you believed as true is challenged? Or when you make up your mind about something and immediately doubt it? Does it mean you made the wrong decision, or is something else happening? In this episode, you’ll learn all about cognitive dissonance and how it is an indication that something is out of alignment for you. It may be that your beliefs need to be reevaluated or expanded. It may be that you are being led into deeper self-trust and wisdom. While cognitive d...
Emotional Divorce | Ep #122
August 11, 2023 09:00 - 17 minutes - 12.2 MBAfter infidelity, the decision needs to be made whether to stay or go. But for most people, that is only half the decision. Many people go through life being physically in a relationship but emotionally out. Some leave marriages physically but cannot separate themselves emotionally from their spouse, so they don’t really move on. In this episode, I help you identify exactly where you are in your process forward. I help you know how to more fully commit to getting where you want to go so ...
Trauma and Resiliency | Ep #121
July 28, 2023 09:00 - 24 minutes - 17.5 MBWhen you think of yourself, do you identify more with being someone who has been traumatized, or as someone who is incredibly resilient, despite your trauma? Humans all experience trauma. It is inescapable. But what we forget is that as humans we are built to be resilient, and to rise above our trauma- not get stuck in it. In this episode, you’ll learn how to create more resiliency as you navigate the choppy waters of infidelity. You will understand how you are getting yourself stuck in ...
Courage Inspired Action | Ep #120
July 14, 2023 09:00 - 21 minutes - 15.2 MBMost of us understand the importance and significance of courage. It is an emotion that can help us to look at hard things in our lives. But if we are unwilling to take action based on our feeling of courage, we end up right where we started. In this episode, I share some ideas pertaining to infidelity about some of the ways we need to not only have courage, but to turn that courage into action to ultimately have what we want. I use specific stories and analogies to help my listeners kno...
Keeping the Peace | Ep #119
June 30, 2023 09:00 - 24 minutes - 17.1 MBHow much pressure do you put on yourself to “Keep the Peace”? Maybe there are things you don’t say because you don’t want to create conflict. Maybe you just stuff things down rather than speak up and make others uncomfortable. In this episode, I discuss the concept of keeping the peace and where it often backfires. What if there is something better than keeping the peace? What if protecting your own peace over others' is the best work you can do? If you want to understand areas you are h...
Understanding Our Impact | Ep #118
June 16, 2023 09:00 - 26 minutes - 19 MBIn the aftermath of infidelity, it can feel like your life has been blown up, and our spouse sometimes does not seem to understand how much their choices impacted us. This episode discusses the importance of knowing that our spouse “gets it” in order to really move forward and build trust. I also discuss growing our capacity to look at ourselves and how the things we say and do affect others. Solid relationships are built on both people taking responsibility for how we each impact each o...
Self-advocacy with Samantha Nielsen | Ep #117
June 02, 2023 09:00 - 41 minutes - 29.2 MBIn this episode, I welcome guest and self-advocacy expert, Samantha Nielsen to the show. If you have ever struggled in knowing how to speak up for yourself, this episode is for you. Samantha shares her own experience with watching herself shrink and be miserable until it became unbearable. She had an amazing transformation and completely changed her life. More about Samantha: Samantha is the happiest divorced woman on the planet! She believes that divorce is a necessary resource, gift an...
Recognizing Truth | Ep #116
May 19, 2023 09:00 - 28 minutes - 20.2 MBDo you often wonder how you’ll know the difference between a truth and a lie? It is a common question after infidelity, since the very nature of infidelity includes deceit. In this episode, I share a powerful analogy that will help you discern for yourself between truth and error. You will come away from this episode wiser, more in tune with your own truth, and with a higher commitment to seeking truth, at all cost. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching program at: http...
Lost and Found | Ep #115
May 05, 2023 09:00 - 18 minutes - 13.2 MBIn this lost and found episode, I share a story of recently losing my child in Disneyland and some profound lessons that came from that. I came away from that experience recognizing clearer than ever that we are not meant to do life alone, especially the hard part. In an intense situation, helpers came. Kindness was shown. I want this for you, too, as you navigate feeling lost in infidelity. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching program at: https://andreagiles.com/k...
Grandiosity | Ep #114
April 21, 2023 09:00 - 18 minutes - 13.2 MBIn this episode, you’ll learn how grandiosity can lead to affairs. If we think we are better than others, we tend to excuse our behavior and make exceptions for ourselves. You’ll learn what grandiosity is and how it can show up for the betrayed partner as well as the one who betrayed. You’ll have a clear understanding of how the mindset of grandiosity gets in the way of real transparency, connection and healing and what to to about it. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coach...
How to Change | Ep #113
April 07, 2023 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.6 MBAre there things in your life you want to change? Do you want your spouse to change? In this episode, you will learn the fast-track to how to really, deeply, fundamentally change. Instead of just believing that you can’t change or that you are simply a failure in aspects of your life, you’ll understand why change has not “stuck” in the past, and how to move forward in becoming who you want to be. You’ll also learn how to see if someone else is just going through the motions, or deeply ch...
The High Fidelity Marriage | Ep #112
March 24, 2023 09:00 - 19 minutes - 13.5 MBThere is a lot of discussion about infidelity, but what about fidelity? What does it even look like to live in a high fidelity marriage? In this episode you will learn about five elements that have to be present to have a high fidelity marriage. Even if you have already experienced infidelity, fidelity can be learned. It can become your new reality, and it begins with becoming 100% faithful to yourself. Want to work with me? Apply to join my group coaching program at: https://andrea...
Inherent Risk | Ep #111
March 10, 2023 10:00 - 19 minutes - 13.8 MBOne of the main questions we have after experiencing infidelity is, “How do I know it won’t happen again?” In this episode, I teach about risk as being inherent in relationships and how to avoid taking risks with an unlikely return on investment. You’ll learn what questions to ask yourself to gauge just how much risk you are taking, and when it is wise to go all in. Risk IS inherent in any relationship, but in this episode you will learn how to be wiser about it. Want to work with me...
What Is Infidelity? | Ep #110
February 24, 2023 10:00 - 17 minutes - 12.3 MBHave you ever wondered if what you experienced is infidelity? For some situations, there is no doubt. But for many others, there is a lot of nuance. In this episode, you’ll learn exactly what infidelity is. When you have the words to define your experience, it is empowering. You are able to see more clearly why your experience felt like a violation, and what to do with that information. As the saying goes, knowledge is power. The more you know, the more you will be able to confidently ad...
Long-term Healing | Ep #109
February 10, 2023 10:00 - 22 minutes - 16 MBOften times, in an attempt to avoid temporary pain and discomfort, we avoid hard conversations, stuff down our own feelings and hide how we really feel from others. In this episode, you’ll learn about how to create long term healing by practicing the concept of sustainability. By looking down the road at what we may have to deal with if we put things off today, it can give us the courage to do the hard things now, knowing we are ultimately creating something lasting. Most of all, you ...
Excusing Bad Behavior | Ep #108
January 27, 2023 10:00 - 24 minutes - 17 MBThis episode is all about why we excuse bad behavior. Whether it be from our kids, spouse, co-workers, boss, etc., there are reasons we allow people to treat us the way they do. When you know what to look for and how to deal with the discomfort of teaching people how to treat you, life gets a whole lot easier. Most of us are conflict-averse and put up with behaviors that aren’t helping anybody. You can learn how to lovingly hold people accountable while growing your own self-respect. T...
My Biggest Lesson from 2022 | Ep #107
January 13, 2023 10:00 - 20 minutes - 14.2 MB2022 was one for the books for me personally. I started the year with a new baby, launched a new program, and grew in ways I didn’t know I needed. In this episode, I share my biggest lesson from the year: one that, when practiced, can bring relief and peace even in the midst of uncertainty and discomfort. The lesson is around the concept of duality: The ability to hold onto two opposing views at the same time. Don’t miss this episode if you want help navigating the things that don’t ma...
How to Co-Regulate | Ep #106
December 30, 2022 10:00 - 23 minutes - 16.9 MBIn a world that praises extreme independence, many of us don’t know how to help each other calm our nervous systems. We may even think it is co-dependence to try to help each other in this way. In this week’s episode, we will take a deep dive into what it actually means to co-regulate, and how it can bring deep healing. We will also take a look at how our parents help us to learn how to settle ourselves down by first regulating with us. You’ll understand what healthy co-regulation means ...
Dealing with Conflict | Ep #105
December 16, 2022 10:00 - 22 minutes - 15.8 MBIn my years of coaching, one thing I have heard too many times to count is, “I don’t like conflict.” My clients use this as a reason to not take bold action, not speak the things that need to be said, and ultimately to hide from discomfort. In this episode, I cover conflict with a new lens; one that helps my clients lose their fear about stepping into conflict with the intention of getting to the other side with problems solved. Listen to this episode to see where you are hiding from ...
Re-imagining Discovery Day | Ep #104
December 02, 2022 10:00 - 23 minutes - 16.4 MBFor many people, D-day, or discovery day (the day they found out about their spouse’s infidelity) is a heavy, traumatic day. When they have the anniversary of that day coming up, it can fill them with dread. In this episode, I’ll be sharing ways to think about discovery day that can bring relief, and even hope. It does not have to be an awful day. It can be a day with some emotion as you remember what happened, but it can be many other things as well. Listen to this week’s episode to l...
Breaking Free from Resentment | Ep #103
November 18, 2022 12:34 - 23 minutes - 16.5 MBResentment. This is an emotion I see in almost all of my clients, whether they be the one who was betrayed or the one who did the betraying. While it is a common emotion that many of us struggle with, it can be deadly if left unchecked. In this episode, I’ll cover where resentment comes from and why it can be so tempting to hold on to it. You will hear real life examples of clients I work with who are grappling with this and seeing how it is keeping them from moving forward. You will als...
The Impact of Infidelity | Ep #102
November 04, 2022 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.3 MBMany would agree that infidelity can be one of the most painful experiences to endure. In this episode, rather than taking that statement at its word, I dive into the impact of infidelity and the ways it affects us. Just like all things in life, there are some things that are out of control, and some that are very much in our control. Even with infidelity, there is much that we can choose. We can choose just how much we allow the choices of another to impact us. This episode will help you ...
After the Affair with Luke Shillings | Ep #101
October 21, 2022 11:31 - 39 minutes - 27.7 MBIn this episode, I interview Luke Schillings about his personal experience with experiencing and healing from infidelity. He has used his own painful experience to now work with men who are navigating that space. Listen for some amazing wisdom of how to let go, heal, and move on. Luke is a 40 something father of two who recently escaped the 9-5 to chase his dreams of becoming a relationship and infidelity coach. UK based and Lincolnshire born and bred, he can often be found running in the ...
The Best of Heal from Infidelity | Ep #100
October 08, 2022 00:26 - 35 minutes - 24.7 MBTo celebrate 100 episodes, tune in to hear snippets from the top 5 episodes thus far. You, my dear listeners, have been a delight to show up for, and I want you to know which episodes have been the most listened to. You may just learn that others are right where you are, and that you are not alone in struggling with the same things. Thank you for your love, support, shares, and reviews. Here’s to the next 100! To work with me, schedule a 1-1 call to see if my upcoming Know in 90 group is...
Will It Always Hurt? | Ep #99
September 23, 2022 09:00 - 18 minutes - 13.4 MBA question I get asked a lot is, “Will it always hurt?” For most people, infidelity is one of life's experiences that can shake up your very foundation. It can be hard to imagine a time when it doesn't hurt every day. In this episode, I share not only the good news that you won’t always hurt, but steps to take to make sure you don’t. Your healing does not have to be outsourced to anyone but you -- you can do things right now that will help you feel peace, calm, and start healing your heart...
Negative Expectations | Ep #98
September 09, 2022 09:00 - 20 minutes - 14.8 MBWhen you think of the future, do you feel a sense of foreboding, or hope? Much of what you anticipate can be traced to past, unresolved experiences with your partner. In this episode, you’ll learn what probably happened and didn’t happen before the infidelity that is creating problems now. Once you understand what is happening and what you can do about it, you’ll be able to choose how to view the future and be very intentional about what you are creating. Please click the button to sub...
Entitlement | Ep #97
August 26, 2022 09:00 - 16 minutes - 11.7 MBAfter infidelity, it can be really easy to feel like your spouse owes you something. He needs to make it up to you, right? It makes sense that one might feel this way, but in this episode you’ll learn how this attitude can keep you from the very things you want most - peace, calm, and healing. Entitlement is also what can set some people up to cheat in the first place and keep them stuck after infidelity. This episode will be useful for both the one who strayed and the one who was betrayed...
Validation Dependency | Ep #96
August 12, 2022 09:00 - 19 minutes - 14 MBValidation is something we all enjoy as humans. We want to feel connected, heard, and seen. For many of us though, especially if we were shot down a lot as kids, we grow into validation dependence and have difficulty functioning if someone is not constantly telling us how great or right we are. In this episode, you’ll learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy validation, how to spot it in yourself and your partner, and how to strengthen your own sense of self so you won’t be as ...
Intimacy After Infidelity with Amanda Louder | Ep #95
July 29, 2022 09:00 - 39 minutes - 27.9 MBSome questions that come up a lot with clients is, “What about sex after finding out? Is it bad to be intimate? What if I don’t want to? What if I do?” To answer these questions, I interviewed sex coach Amanda Louder. Amanda Louder is a Certified Life Coach who helps women from conservative Christian backgrounds love their sex life. She helps women embrace their sexuality to help them strengthen their relationship with themselves, their spouse, and God. In addition to being a coach, Aman...
Letting Go | Ep #94
July 15, 2022 11:21 - 21 minutes - 15.3 MBA question I get asked regularly is about letting go - how to let go of the pain and hurt of infidelity. In this episode, I will cover things we hold on to, why we hold onto them, and how to let them go. You’ll learn how your brain is trying to protect you from future harm and what to do to quiet it down. Infidelity can be trauma-inducing, and the more you understand the ways this shows up for you, the easier it will be to heal. Interested in joining the August group of Know in 90? Com...
Releasing Shame | Ep #93
July 01, 2022 09:00 - 32 minutes - 22.8 MBShame. An emotion we all feel but no one wants to talk about. It’s heavy, all-consuming, and keeps us isolated and stuck. This episode is all about letting go of shame. First, you’ll learn about the origins of shame and how it often pretends to be useful. You’ll learn how shame sabotages our efforts to heal and doesn't allow us to see things as they really are. Want to know what the cure is to shame? Give this episode a listen and you’ll have real steps to take to manage the shame of you...
While You Are Waiting (On Him) | Ep #92
June 17, 2022 09:00 - 16 minutes - 11.5 MBIn the aftermath of infidelity, there can be a period where you wait and watch. Sometimes there is waiting to see how much initiative our partners take, and sometimes we are just waiting to feel calmer before we make big decisions. Either way, there are things you can do to help settle your mind during this space. In this episode, you’ll learn four things you can do during this time to help keep your mind focused on why you are waiting and what you are waiting for. Please click the b...
Stories of Hope | Ep #91
June 03, 2022 09:00 - 23 minutes - 16.3 MBDo you ever wonder if you can ever really truly move forward from the darkness you are feeling? A question I get a lot is, “Can I really do this?” and “Will I ever feel normal again?” Yes, my friend. I promise. In this episode, you’ll hear the stories of four past clients of mine who have moved forward and are thriving. Some stayed in the marriage, some did not. But all are happy and doing well. There is hope, and they all did some things that ensured that they were moving forward fr...