How to Glow: The Jewish Woman's Marriage Boost
217 episodes - English - Latest episode: 6 months ago - ★★★★★ - 143 ratingsThe podcast where we get real about building the marriage of your dreams. Marriage coach Kayla Levin takes married Jewish women from surviving and overwhelmed to thriving and connected through practical tips, real life inspiration and more than a little self awareness along the way.
Whether you are newly married, considering marriage, or have been married for years, I will share with you a powerful framework to help you get the most enjoyment and fulfillment from your relationships--and ultimately, your own growth.
Find out more & join to get live coaching at https://kaylalevin.com
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Episodes
Ep. 66 - Coronavirus & Zero Based Scheduling on the Fly
March 16, 2020 21:49 - 22 minutes - 30.8 MBMany of you have listened to and adopted Zero Based Scheduling (from Episode 2: Why You Don't Have Enough Time and Episode 6: Zero Based Scheduling Update). But now, thanks to work-from-homes, school closures and, for some of you, kids at home (gasp!) that beautiful zero-based schedule has gone right out the window. Never fear! Zero-Based scheduling can be done on the fly. And it's still awesome. Planning out your day the night before (and I give you the main tips on how to do this success...
Ep. 65 - Purim & He's Not a Reflection of You
March 09, 2020 22:06 - 13 minutes - 18.8 MBWe are celebrating a holiday in the Jewish world... one that isn't quite as famous as Yom Kippur or Passover... today is Purim! What happens on Purim? Among many other things, like donating money to charity, hearing the story of Purim read in synagogue, dressing up and bringing gifts to friends… men drink. Sometimes women drink, too, but generally it’s the men. And with that often comes behaviors that make us uncomfortable, nervous, critical... And this can make some women really uncomfort...
Ep. 64 - Self-Esteem and Your Marriage
March 02, 2020 19:48 - 25 minutes - 34.8 MBThis week I’m answering a listener question and I think it’s a topic that will be so fun to dive into. Let me start by reading what she wrote: Could you discuss “the importance of self-esteem: how both poor and healthy self-esteem can influence our relationships, and how to strengthen it. I realise that this is absolutely a backbone of all your material, but maybe it's worth revisiting a basic.” Self-esteem is definitely a hot topic, and it’s one of those things that we talk about so much ...
Ep. 63 - He's Going on a Trip
February 25, 2020 10:48 - 15 minutes - 21.4 MBIn this week's episode, inspired by my husband's recent business trip, I lead you through an exercise to re-evaluate your self-care. Many women drop their self-care (especially the most basic things, like sleeping and eating) when we get married or get into a long-term relationship. These are all areas that we generally took responsibility for (even if we were lagging, we certainly weren't blaming our roommates or siblings because we didn't remember to eat breakfast!). And it's more than p...
Ep. 62 - Your Marriage is a Baby
February 17, 2020 09:57 - 11 minutes - 16.4 MBMy business coach Stacey Boehman was giving this analogy about entrepreneurs and their new businesses and even though I’ve heard her say it before suddenly it totally clicked that this is such a fantastic perspective shift for newlyweds as well! Ok so here’s the analogy: Your business is a baby. Your marriage isn’t here to make you happy. (Sorry!) Just like if you had a brand new baby or a brand new business, you wouldn’t expect it to perform for you. Your marriage just happened! There...
Ep. 61 - How it's Supposed to Feel
February 09, 2020 18:43 - 16 minutes - 22 MBFor many newlyweds, they are feeling a lot of shame about negative emotions about their marriage. It's important to know that there is a known physiological high that comes at the beginning of a relationship. For many women, there is also the wedding high. And just like ANYTHING new you begin, there’s a back-to-reality moment. I want you to know that that’s totally fine. Being a newlywed is, on an emotional level, like slow cooker vs instapot…… all the emotions are intensified. Here ar...
Ep. 60 - The Joy of Staying in Your Lane
February 03, 2020 21:44 - 12 minutes - 16.8 MBWe're talking this week about the three main parts of staying in our lane: Emotionally, Physically, and in How You Show Up. Instead of feeling good because of what he’s been doing or not doing and what you made that mean, let’s feel good because you are taking care of your own emotional wellbeing. For some of you, especially if you’re new (and there are so many new people so welcome!!) I know that it sounds like a cop out. Like I’m letting him off the hook. But here’s the crazy truth. H...
Ep. 59 - Talking About Your Feelings - Listener Q&A
January 27, 2020 09:18 - 29 minutes - 41 MBThis week I'm taking your questions about sharing your FEELINGS with your husband! Question #1: HOW do I share my feelings with my husband, and how do I create a relationship where we can do that? Answer: First of all, STOP and be absolutely sure that you aren't sharing your feelings in an effort to change him! We always want to be responsible for our OWN feelings, so you must stop and do some thought work and figure this out. Sharing your feelings so that he'll change is, essentially, man...
Ep. 58 - When You Can't Get Over It
January 19, 2020 21:40 - 21 minutes - 29.4 MBI was working with a client and she was stuck on the idea of being authentic with our feelings while at the same time taking responsibility for them and choosing what I call “helpful thoughts.” So this week we're going to talk about the difference between processing our feelings and holding onto our feelings. The easiest way is to think of it as sensations vs words. Thoughts are words (sentences, usually), and feelings are physical sensations. We read the tight shoulders and clenched stoma...
Ep. 57 - Do Your Homework
January 12, 2020 21:48 - 15 minutes - 21.3 MBWelcome to the episode where I bonk you on the head my friends! So many of you are rocking the intellectual game with this thought work. You see it in your friends and family. You know your recurring thoughts. You are even seeing some changes in how you show up. But you have NOT taken out a pen and paper and actually done the heavy lifting! I get it... until you've done it, it doesn't seem that important. Trust me on this one. So this week I'm going to walk you through what exactly...
Ep. 56 - The Marriage You Want / Should I Get a Divorce?
January 05, 2020 13:00 - 31 minutes - 42.7 MB2019 was the year of the podcast at First Year Married (we passed 40k!!!). I’ve been honored to meet you, to have your sisters and friends get hooked, to introduce this work I’m so passionate about. Thank you everyone!! 2020 is going to be the year of group coaching. It’s time to take this work and really dive deep and apply it. Improving our marriages improves every area of our life, and it’s the best place to work on this thought work, which is then a piece of cake to apply elsewhere in ...
Ep. 55 - Money Dates with Yael Trusch of Jewish Latin Princess
December 30, 2019 20:57 - 41 minutes - 56.3 MBGet Yael's free Money Dates PDF at jewishlatinprincess.com/moneydate This week I had the pleasure of inviting Yael Trusch, host of Jewish Latin Princess who is sharing the amazing concept of Money Dates. Yael has a background in finance and is now an author and inspirational speaker, so she brings the vision from one world to the practical of the other! Money is one of the main sources of stress for couples, and often we struggle to have these conversations. While the impulse may be to avo...
Ep. 54 - Feel More Love
December 23, 2019 20:20 - 9 minutes - 13.2 MBThis week sharing one of my favorite Jewish ideas, which I was reminded of by a Tony Robbins quote. Who... last I checked... was most definitely not a rabbi 🤣 The word for love in Hebrew is ahava. The root word of ahava is "hav" which means "give." This is here to remind us that the root of love is giving. What's the last project you truly invested in? Didn't you love it? The more we work, the more we try, the more we love. And yet we somehow expect our marriages to do all the wor...
Ep. 53 - When Should I Go to Marriage Counseling?
December 16, 2019 20:28 - 47 minutes - 65.5 MBThis week I have Simone Sobel, an Atlanta-based couples counselor and trauma therapist on, to discuss some important and common questions about couples therapy: When is it time to go see a couples therapist? What red flags do newlyweds need to know about that may indicate that their husband might have a personality disorder or they may be in an abusive relationship? How to find a good couples therapist? What to expect when you go to a couples therapist? Is it ever too late for couples t...
Ep. 52 - Getting Regular Help from Your Husband
December 09, 2019 06:38 - 19 minutes - 26.8 MBThis week I'm answering a much-asked question: how do I get my husband to help out REGULARLY, not just as "helping" me? We've discussed some of these concepts before, especially in Episode 30 - Just Ask! and Episode 30 - What It Means to Give, Interview With The Husband Part 2, but I've never taken the time to do a full, dedicated episode to this issue. And it really is an issue. The ideas of helping, housework, equally divided responsibility, are all loaded for many of us. And more than t...
Ep. 51 - Interview with Alison Armstrong - Part 2
December 01, 2019 09:14 - 33 minutes - 45.6 MBAlison Armstrong is BACK for the second half of our interview together! Here are some highlights from this week's episode: "Honey we have an issue" --why these are dreaded words to a man "Women are very motivated by upset, they don't want to upset anybody. So we try to motivate men to change by telling hem how upset we are. And it doesn't work at all. And we don't notice it doesn't work at all." - Alison Armstrong How to make the shift from complaining to getting help solving your probl...
Ep. 50 - Interview with Alison Armstrong - Part 1
November 24, 2019 11:53 - 31 minutes - 43.6 MBThis week's episode is truly special. When Noah and I sat down to discuss who would be our absolute dream podcast guests, Alison Armstrong topped the list. Her work has been transformative for hundreds of men and women, as she takes the most confusing and frustrating differences between us and makes them crystal clear with humor, compassion, and her characteristic charm. For this episode, I got on the call with the intention of bringing her work into the realm of the newly married... thos...
Ep. 49 - Don't Weaponize Self-Improvement
November 17, 2019 21:47 - 24 minutes - 33.9 MBAnnouncement: Next week I will be having the amazing ALISON ARMSTRONG on the podcast!!! Make sure you are subscribed because it’s going to be split over two episodes and you are not going to want to miss this interview. I recorded an episode a while back called “Shame Won’t Make You a Better Wife.” Episode 8 You need to hear it again. Because I keep seeing you all using the idea of self-improvement as a way of attacking yourself and your self-worth. You are weaponizing self-control. Again...
Ep. 48 - Short Term Gain
November 10, 2019 22:22 - 10 minutes - 14.4 MBThis week I’m sharing a hack that I learned while researching how to best care for myself as a type 1 diabetic. While it was intended to help with things like glucose control, I think this hack can help all of us on most long-term goals. Adam Brown, writer for diaTribe, writes in his book Bright Spots and Land Mines* about the benefits of setting specific, short-term goals to help us achieve our long term goals. Want better overall health? Think about how your mood will improve in the next ...
Ep. 47 - Letting Go is Not Sad
November 03, 2019 21:39 - 6 minutes - 8.38 MBANNOUNCEMENT - this is the last week to sign up for the Kallah Cohort! You can do that here. Today it’s time to talk about letting go of your marriage. Not the one you’re in. I mean the one you thought you’d be in. You’ve been married a few months, maybe a year. The cracks are starting to show. This is NOT what you had in mind. This is not what your friends said it was like, or how it looks when you see other couples. This is not what you thought it would feel like. And when I encoura...
Ep 46 - Your Relationship Momentum
October 27, 2019 18:31 - 18 minutes - 25.7 MBThis episode is inspired by a quote from Elizabeth Gilbert's amazing book, Big Magic. The book is about creativity, but of course we're going to be applying it to our marriages here. She says, “any motion whatsoever beats inertia, because inspiration will always be drawn to motion.” When I heard this quote about motion, a light went off. This is such a great illustration of the change that I've seen in my marriage and my clients' marriages. The motion. The momentum. Our relationships have ...
Ep. 45 - How to Handle Overwhelm
October 20, 2019 11:59 - 24 minutes - 34.2 MBThis week we're going to recap a few of the key tools we've covered over the last 44 episodes that will help us all handle overwhelm.
Ep. 44 - Getting Yourself Out of Victim Mentality
October 13, 2019 13:55 - 26 minutes - 35.9 MBI was looking through some of the requests that I’ve received for topics to cover and I wanted to address the one that would give us the biggest room for growth, the most potential. And so this question “how do I get out of victim mentality?” really stuck out to me. Because as long as we see ourselves as a victim, we are BY DEFINITION powerless. Before we go further: November 10 is the first call of our Kallah Cohort, a specific LIVE First Year Married course for women in the Orthodox Jewis...
Ep. 43 - Listener Tips for Running the Home
October 06, 2019 22:48 - 36 minutes - 49.8 MBWOW. You all sent in some awesome tips for running the home! More than that, I love how you all came out to support and help one another! At the end of the day, we're all in this together if we want to be... and the FYM community keeps proving that you are women who look out for one another. I love it. First, an announcement: I will be hosting a special Kallah Cohort of First Year Married targeted specifically to women in the Orthodox Jewish community. Lots of details at the end of the epis...
Ep. 42 - Practical Tips for Running The Home
September 29, 2019 10:24 - 23 minutes - 31.9 MBI love sharing tips with other women (and sometimes men) about what makes running the home easier for them. In a way, our personality comes out in our hacks. And so this week we're keeping it light and I'm offering you my favorite tips and tricks that help me run the home. I look forward to hearing yours and sharing them on next week's episode!
Ep. 41 - A Vision For Your Home
September 22, 2019 21:44 - 23 minutes - 31.7 MBWe’re back to housework this week, believe it or not! This week we’re discussing how leading with your values and vision can make even the most basic kinds of housework more meaningful. I’ll be showing you how to determine your values within your home (and sharing mine) and realize what things DON’T make the list (so you can stop stressing out about them)! I’ll also give you a clear formula for having a vision-led discussion with your husband to enlist the help you need without bringing ne...
Ep. 40 - Being Hurt
September 16, 2019 06:00 - 18 minutes - 25.3 MBThis week we’re going to revisit a familiar topic and take the work further. What is happening when you are feeling hurt? Take the last time you were hurt (or disappointed, angry, frustrated…) with your husband and try to remember the specific details. Consider that the reason that you were upset was that he wasn’t doing what you wanted him to be doing. Try to identify what you DID want him to do. What was your plan or rule book for how he should behave? But here’s the model. You’re cr...
Ep. 39 - Critical Parents
September 09, 2019 09:37 - 20 minutes - 28.4 MBA listener asked me to discuss critical parents and what to do about them. In this week’s podcast we discuss the difference between explicit criticism and subtly undermining your relationship. The key to dealing with criticism is to maintain responsibility over your emotional reaction. When we allow these criticisms to upset us, we have to realize that it’s because we became attached to what they said--that they might be right or that they “shouldn’t” have said it. The easiest way to deal ...
Ep. 38 - Your Sister-in-Law
September 02, 2019 08:41 - 29 minutes - 40.5 MBOne place I especially like to work on is charged relationships. Partly because this is an area where I have had my own work to do, so I know how important it is, but also because we really discover our own thought processes here and they are funny and surprising. Several of you wrote in asking me to discuss sibling relationships. When I put out a request for specific scenarios, they were almost all about sisters-in-law, so we'll focus on that but these tools really can be applied to any re...
Ep. 37 - That One Bad Emotion
August 25, 2019 21:46 - 24 minutes - 33.7 MBThis week we're talking about negative emotions in your marriage. It is so common for newlyweds to feel extremely vulnerable and surprised at the number of negative emotions they may be experiencing in their marriages. The trouble with anger, resentment, frustration, and any negative feeling isn't the feeling itself--its the way we react to it. In this episode, we review our understanding of how emotions work, how to have an authentic emotional life (and how it's not all about "feeling all t...
Ep. 36 - Your Husband's Phone
August 18, 2019 18:53 - 28 minutes - 39.4 MBHey newlyweds, What do you do if your husband is spending more time on his phone than communicating with you? What will this mean when kids come along (if they haven't already) and how he's going to be able to connect to him? What if he's getting defensive when you ask him to put away his phone? How much are phones supposed to be used in a healthy marriage? This week we're talking all about the "other wife"--your husband's phone This topic can make us crazy--I get it--but we're going to ...
Ep. 35 - Getting Your Needs Met
August 11, 2019 21:42 - 30 minutes - 42.4 MBI love hearing your questions and I recently got two questions that deserved a better answer than I could give in a quick online chat. Both women were asking about getting what they need from their husbands. Our first question deals with not feeling connected to a husband who travels a lot and doesn't help out when he's home. Our second question is about not getting validation when she needs it. Thank you so much for sending in your questions! If you'd like to send in a question, you can do ...
Ep. 34 - The Five Love Languages Trap
August 04, 2019 20:02 - 21 minutes - 29.3 MBI am a big fan of Gary Chapman's 5 Love Languages. However, I've been seeing some women use this powerful information in a way that actually hurts their relationship, not help it. This week I'll give you a quick overview of the 5 Love Languages, tell you the trap you want to avoid, and how to use this material to benefit your marriage the most. The 5 Love Languages Book*: https://amzn.to/2Zwz4eX *affiliate link
Ep. 33 - Bringing Home Baby (Part 2)
July 28, 2019 10:43 - 19 minutes - 27.3 MBThis week I’m following up on our Bringing Baby Home episode by answering the questions you sent in. 👶How do I set up healthy boundaries with my in-laws before baby is born? 🙅♀️ What do I do about an anxious partner? 😬 Does my husband need to have a good job before we have a baby? 👔 Have more questions? Send them in! @firstyearmarried on Instagram or email me at kayla at kaylalevin.com 👌
Ep. 32 - Bringing Home Baby (Part 1)
July 23, 2019 03:38 - 17 minutes - 24.6 MBBaby on the way? Or maybe just thoughts of a baby on the way? The transition to life with a new baby is a major one and these five pointers are what we learned from our four children and what kept us sane--and our marriage healthy--during this phase. Check out more podcast episodes and sign up for my free online class at www.firstyearmarried.com You can also check out Ruchi Koval's podcast here: Out of the Orthobox Go to Audible to listen to Alison Armstrong's workshop, The Amazing ...
Ep. 31 - What it Means to Give - Interview with the Husband Part 2
July 15, 2019 01:31 - 25 minutes - 34.9 MBThis week I had my husband back on the podcast to talk about a man's perspective about what it means to give. This is a follow up to "Episode 30 - Just Ask!". It's so helpful to hear a guys perspective on this topic. As I share in the podcast, this is my #1 challenge and something that I know shifts they dynamic of the relationship in a very positive way.
Ep. 30 - Just Ask!
July 08, 2019 02:46 - 17 minutes - 24.4 MBWhat's the one thing you can do to transform the dynamic of your relationship? Start asking for what you want. Sound easy? It's not. For most of us, even identifying what we want is hard--it's not the things we're nagging him about, it's the deeper, more meaningful things that would truly light us up. It's the things we can't do on our own or get for ourselves--and it's so hard sometimes to admit that there's a limit to our independence. But when we lean into that vulnerability and offer him...
Ep. 29 - You Are All Alone
June 30, 2019 22:12 - 15 minutes - 21.1 MBIsn't this a nice, friendly-sounding podcast episode? Here you are, trying to feel connected and in love with your husband, and I go and get depressing on you. Don't worry. This week's episode will teach you a fantastic framework taken from Jewish wisdom that we can all use as a self-coaching exercise to clarify who YOU are in your relationship and your goals for yourself on the deepest level. When we learn to frame our marriages, and all of our relationships and life situations, in the cont...
Ep. 28 - What if You Were Beautiful?
June 24, 2019 03:57 - 19 minutes - 27 MBI was really excited about this episode when I recorded it, but after living with this work for a few weeks I'm convinced EVERY woman needs to hear it. Years of struggling with accepting my appearance just... over. It's a little bit advanced, but I think it will at least plant a very important seed, even for those who aren't familiar with thought work. Please listen and forward to the women in your lives, whether they are newly married or not.
Ep. 27 - Your Vision
June 16, 2019 21:30 - 15 minutes - 21.9 MBThis week we are talking about how to dis-overwhelm yourself (yes, I made that up). I'll teach you the few simple steps to clarify your vision for the most difficult areas of your life and how to pursue achieve it, including the surprising reason we often lose track of our vision.
Ep. 26 - The Dreaded Housework (Part 2)
June 10, 2019 01:00 - 30 minutes - 41.6 MBThis is part 2 of a hot topic for many of you ladies, and I can completely understand why. This week I'll be sharing my paradigm shifts that have saved me from years of frustration and resentment when it came to partnering on housework with my husband. I'm sharing how we can use thought work (a la Brooke Castillo) on our house work (see what I did there?) and also some powerful insights from the research of Alison Armstrong. I highly recommend Alison's two books as a great starting point f...
Ep. 25 - The Dreaded Housework (Part 1)
June 02, 2019 21:27 - 23 minutes - 32.2 MBThis is part 1 of a hot topic for many of you ladies, and I can completely understand why. This week I'll be sharing my paradigm shifts that have saved me from years of frustration and resentment when it came to partnering on housework with my husband. I'm sharing how we can use thought work (a la Brooke Castillo) on our house work (see what I did there?) and also some powerful insights from the research of Alison Armstrong. I highly recommend Alison's two books as a great starting point fo...
Ep. 24 - There's Something Wrong With His Model
May 26, 2019 15:03 - 15 minutes - 21.3 MBHow can we get our husbands to cheer up when they're so down? How do we get them to see that their thoughts and the way they see the problem is really the issue? How do we get them to show up the way we need them? I'm so excited to share an advanced episode with you this week! On episode 24, I'm answering a really common question... "what if the problem is HIS model?" I'll be giving you three tools to deal with this. You'll learn how to examine your own thoughts, separate from the rules i...
Ep. 23 - Interviewing The Husband
May 20, 2019 01:04 - 30 minutes - 42.4 MBGuess what I did?? I interviewed my husband for the podcast! How fun is that? Noah and I talk about the ups and downs of our first year of marriage, learning to be adults, our mistakes with finances, and how we manage running a business together. He has some awesome advice... both for the husbands and the wives. Reach out on Instagram @firstyearmarried after you listen and tell me what you thought--and please don't forget to rate and review the podcast!
Ep. 22 - There's Something Wrong with Him
May 12, 2019 12:00 - 24 minutes - 34.2 MBWe may not like to admit it, but we tend to have some opinions about our husbands. Whether he's too messy, bad with money, or not taking his job seriously enough (or too seriously!), it's very common to forget that these are only our opinions and not a true fact. In this episode I'm going to teach you how to coach yourself when you are getting frustrated with your husband.
Ep. 21 - Zero Based Budgeting with Jenn Neilson of @willsavefortravel
May 06, 2019 03:22 - 39 minutes - 54.3 MBThis month we are diving into the topic of your money. How do you create a budget as a newlywed? What do you do if you fight with your husband about money? How can you travel when you're tight on funds? Jenn Nielson of @willsavefortravel has some amazing resources and fantastic tips on how to manage your money when you're just starting out--even if you have student loans. Enjoy!
Ep. 20 - Your Marriage Mentor
April 28, 2019 05:11 - 24 minutes - 33.2 MBIn this episode I walk you through the 7 factors to look for in finding a mentor for your marriage. Having a coach, mentor, and really taking advantage of all of the resources you can get your hands on is so important for building a solid foundation to your marriage. As I discuss in this episode, you may have 4-5 careers in your life but you hope to only have one marriage... isn't it odd how much more we often invest in mentors for our careers? Listen and jot down these 7 things to look for ...
Ep. 19 - Intuitive Eating with Rena Reiser
April 22, 2019 03:45 - 33 minutes - 46.5 MBMeet Rena Reiser, Intuitive Eating Coach at Mind Over Munchies. I had so much fun interviewing Rena and hearing about the tools she uses as an intuitive eating coach to help her clients. So many of us struggle with our relationship with food, and Rena is knowledgeable and relatable, so I know you will love hearing from her! https://www.renareiser.com
Ep. 18 - Submission vs. Self Knowledge
April 14, 2019 09:00 - 19 minutes - 27.4 MB"If I learn to ACCEPT my husband's behavior, aren't I just letting him walk all over me?" This week we are talking about when we don't like our husband's behavior. If you work on your thoughts and you come to accept his behavior, are you expecting less of him? Are you just accepting an unfair, unbalanced relationship? Check out this week's podcast.
Ep. 17 - And... We're Moving to Israel!
April 07, 2019 09:23 - 22 minutes - 30.3 MBThis week I’m going to fill you in on our big move, how we use thought work to make major decisions, and how you can live a bigger life... without leaving your home. To learn more about the model and thought work, originated by Brooke Castillo, check out earlier episodes of the podcast!