How to be happy and combat anger #29

"Happiness abound" by Taylor Proctor #29

Tagline: "We are all capable of happiness abound"

What an incredible episode this was. If I am completely honest and share my own vulnerabilities with this particular interview, I feel I wasn't at my best. I felt Taylor touched on so many things that resonated with me and reminded me of how far I still have to go on my journey that it almost became a self realisation exercise. This then threw me off course as it may be noticeable in the episode, but what it didn't do was throw Taylor off who delivered incredible value. It is for reason I am eternally grateful for the opportunity to have connected with Taylor who I believe will truly teach you all something tangible and useful to take away in your lives.

I know for one, I will be implementing the CLEAR model myself to move my own personal development forward and I hope you can all do this too. She is an incredible woman, who also openly admits to not being this way her whole life and that it has been a process for her.

I genuinely believe the tangible steps and tips that Taylor shares just in this episode alone can make you all happier, and let's be honest who doesn't want more happiness in their life eh?

More importantly for anyone who can relate to the anger issues, perhaps this may also give you a huge insight in to why we are the way we are.

Some key discussion points:

Remember whatever you are going through in life today, that you are 'not broken'. We can all heal, and we and grow as Taylor shows and shares in her beautiful story and also don't stop learning here. Go and support her and follow her podcast and journey in the links below:

Thanks for listening

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YouTube Transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is art and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Taylor proctor to the show and tell you is actually an experience podcasting fought she's had three hundred plus episodes so it's certainly recommend after this episode of course you go and check out her podcast but what really got me fascinated by Taylor this story into trying to get her on the show was that she teaches happiness but when I head out though well basically I would be happy also secondly wouldn't it be great if we can take the mind of somebody who does this for a living and then give that to you guys so you can walk away at least after this episode was something tangible is something that you can if you are feeling low or if you are in a situation where you are unable to control your emotions how some thing practical that you can utilize and that's what you want me in Taylor spoke about but more importantly I think you're gonna find her story very interesting because hopping this wasn't something that you would always associate with Taylor in fact it was anger and not without spoiling anything else I think this is probably a good time to jump over to the show okay fantastic so I just wanna start the show today then bye thank you my wonderful guest who's from the states her name is Taylor and we ought to just speaking just before I started this interview that was that you store can at full potential guest on Instagram and the thing that she stuck out for me from her by well was that she had the transformational happiness mental in her bio I'm not just got me thinking I thought you know what I need I need a bit of that and more point I'm sure so my listeners could or would do with a dose of happiness so that was kind of the reason I reached out to Taylor and I do thank you for taking time out of a day SO of seat time constraints it's the morning there so blessed issues first thing she's having to listen to is my voice this morning so thank you Taylor for coming on the show and how you doing today I'm doing fantastic thank you so much for having me on I'm so excited and honored and delighted to be here well you're very welcome and likewise I'm very excited to is off because as with anyone in the world I'm sure happiness is definitely one of the things that we will aim for it is one of my goals in life so hopefully by the end of this episode will be smiling and enjoy the rest of our days but before I carry on rumbling I really think it's important for the listeners in the audience to really get to know you a little bit so if you wouldn't mind if you could just kind of give us a bit of a history about your story and how you've kind of going through life I suppose to almost not become a transformational happiness mental absolutely so I was a very very angry person and I was the kind of person that there's there's a phrase a a group playing basketball and it was %HESITATION on my wall there was that the phrase it says hell hath no fury like five women on a fast break which is the basketball it was it was awesome and but when I look at this eight three angry time in my life which was in my early to mid twenties I it's the phrase hell hath no fury like Taylor minor league minor league inconvenienced because I would be I mean any small thing and I would just lose it I would be so %HESITATION three and there was a situation that really highlighted my need for emotional management where I and I sure the story to really truly highlight like the level of anger that lived in my life at the time I was on my way to a craft store and there was a parking spot available and I was patiently waiting like the person was backing out so I was patiently waiting I had my indicator on and it was just like the movies where the person pulls out and then someone else before they can even drive forward pulls into the spot and I was like this this just happen in real life like I've been waiting for like two minutes I've been indicating I've been waiting patiently the person's pulled out that's my spot and the entitlements the anger the aggression came through and I lost it I was screaming at the top of my lungs flipping them off honking my horn like crazy and I it like and they just stayed in the car rightfully so because there's this crazy angry person screaming at them and I there was the parking spot when around this corner and like so there is the way there is the pathway up the parking spot and then the main road kind of went around the corner of this parking spot and so I had to go around this main road so I'm honking at them and flipping them off for a good couple of more than a couple feet because I have to go around behind them around to the side of them and around in front of them to go back into the parking lot and it was it was a front row spot by the way it's I wasn't getting angry for something in the back right yeah who who who would do that also I I pulled around a parked in my spot clear clear down at the end and I'm walking forward and they pull out of the spot they didn't even get out of their car they didn't even go into the store and they pull out of the spot and they drive past me and they're a roll down the window and they say hope you're happy now and I was like like I had never in my life wished for I'm here in the states we have US seven elevens and they have what's called big gulps would you like I think they're thirty two ounce things of soda I don't drink soda I've never purchased one I have never in my life one one so bad to throw through that and so I was very very angry person about something that's really so minor and I go I go into the store and I everything just starts like swirling and I'm shaking because there are several things that happened right there is that initial anger that the trigger and then I felt scared because what if they had gotten another car well what I have done right what if what if when they're driving past me now I'm walking on on the parking lot they're driving past me where they just hit me with their great big SUV right so there's just there's this anger and then there's this fear that takes over me and then there's this this shame and guilt that hits me because it's like oh my gosh I'm not person I feel so out of control and I feel so guilty that I I just kinda lost it on the complete stranger that really probably didn't even see that I was waiting right yeah and and then there's the shame of I let my emotions gain control of like I I lost control of myself and just let my emotions run wild and it could have turned into a very dangerous situation and then I was like then sadness creep in because I don't even know who I am at that point man I can't you can't even recognize myself and so when I say I was an angry person it is no exaggeration and truthfully it's it's a %HESITATION in a space of I just was out of control I had no emotional management no no emotional awareness and something as much of a minor inconvenience of walking a couple extra feet from a parking stall several stalls down set me off and so at that point in amongst many others I decided that I need to start making a change so I started with just being aware of my emotions I started trying to really see where that anger in my life was coming from and for awhile there it was this Peter tauter if you well of anger and sheer and they would go back and forth because it would be I'd be so angry because that was my defense mechanism it wasn't it wasn't flight or freeze it was always fight and so when I was scared and I was scared of being vulnerable I was scared of being happy I was scared of being seen and so I would get into fight mode which would be anger so is this teeter totter of me always being angry always trying to fight the fear when in reality I just need to become aware of my of my possibilities and I need to realize that I wasn't broken because I looked around and I saw so many people who seem so happy and didn't have these this anger that I had or this fear or this anxiety that kind of was creeping in they didn't have these things that I could see and so then you know we grow up and were like oh you know everybody just everyone so happy and why am I not happy I'm broken so I started to feel like I was broken and there is something wrong with me and it wasn't until I started to really putting in the work and understanding that I'm not broken but we're also not just inherently happy and I think that's a big thing right we feel like we should be inherently happy and when when we're not we feel like we're broken and when we feel like we're broken we feel like we're lost and we feel like we're lost we fall into depressions we fall into despair we let our emotions control last so I started putting in the work and started realizing that I actually was capable of moving forward it capable of not being anger angry capable of not not being afraid of vulnerability and when that started to happen I started to gain confidence and realize that I was capable of having happiness abounds in my life and then that has become my mission and the name of my my business and my podcast is to remind people that they are capable of happiness abound self into state thank you so much for sharing that and you probably know is that through the %HESITATION was always resonates so much with your story to tell you that because one of the things I really dislike about myself is my inability to control my anger and I can be the most relaxed laid back person ever and I'm kind of sherry mobile nobody's now in this in this episode which was never the intention but I'd almost news and the thing you said about the broken bat I can resonate so much with that because and I look back at myself or look at the person in the mirror and I think that's not the best knower to be that's not the past now wake up every day and I try to be and I try to live my life the right way but in the state of frustration and aggression and I mean you mentioned a simple example they have a simple cost base I get those moments and I think you hit the nail on the head when you said entitlement not something to gain on you too obviously working myself with because I'm sure people listen to this will resonate as well my city the whole when you lose control and you sit back and then you have that feeling of shame as you mentioned it's not a great place to be in so thank you for asking for sharing that because the premise of the show was to tell people that whatever they going through in their life whatever Adventist useful because it is not alone and if I may ask have you got any quick on on no we could obviously speak about this for I was but just quick tips that you can recommend to somebody like myself or somebody else listed when you get into that state of frustration so for example after this episode if you go to seven eleven in your back pocket and somebody could see what what's your first reactions %HESITATION you'll method so there's a model called the clear model okay and it it stands for circumstance language emotion action and results I'll say that one more time please the it's the clear model and it stands for C. circumstance L. language E. emotion a action our results okay and an understanding of this model will change everything so essentially every circumstance in your life is neutral it's just a circumstance it's your language that you use speaking to yourself so your thoughts and your language that change it from a positive to a negative either way right and when we saw use the parking the parking style so the person stealing the spot neutral my idiot jump to my thoughts of and this is it specifically yeah I have been waiting I've been indicating that is my spot who is that are you take my spot and think that you can do this like those are all that that's the language I'm using and that's a language of entitlement that's a language of victim right and so that's that's sparks emotions because I feel like I'm the victim so I feel like I'm getting attacked I feel like something's not going my way therefore I'm getting afraid so that that sparked the language or the emotion of fear and the emotion of fear sparks for me because it's my template that I work through every day my next emotion of anger which then as I said it sparks the emotions of shame and guilt and sadness as well nobody likes to feel those so that continues to spark the emotion of anger to hide those so your circumstances neutral your language that you're using around the circumstance in your thoughts is what sparks the emotions the emotions spark action so I was angry so my action was is that I decided to drive my car around them and flip them off honk my horn be screaming at the top of my lungs and taking action that could trigger them and I think it kind of did because then when they came out they drove past me decide to go with me on a little bit more and then then the result of that was everything as I stood in this craft store everything kind of spinning around me as I felt this wave of emotions this guilt the shame and the real result was that this was a turning point that I need to change my life so understanding that the language we like if we go back up we crawl back up that tear the circumstances neutral is the language we have around it that shift everything else so if I go into a seven eleven this afternoon which is really funny it's it's a holiday here were recording on the fourth of July which is here an independence day and so it's totally American thing to go get a Slurpee %HESITATION but if I was to go do that and someone pulled into my spot ma'am my first thought might be seriously and then I go back through I go through the model and so I'm like can you change my thoughts and like you know what maybe they're in a rush maybe they're on their way to go do something %HESITATION and they need to to fill up on gas they need to go run in and pay for it first and I'm not in a hurry it's okay no big deal and that changes that changes everything because the next thing you know your emotions are okay cool well I'm not gonna let it ruin my day and there's a spot over there I'll just drive a little further and I could use the extra exercise and walking and that's great and so then the the actions of that is I walk a little extra maybe I smile at them when I as a walking past them as they walk out and my result is that my day is not ruined by somebody else's actions because like if I eat all the way back up the ladder controlled my thought absolutely honest Britain us this really well explained as well so it's quite easy to remember nine out and I was going to follow in that process and I can do a hundred percent see where I get lost in it as well I also can relate to your anger and fear I think and I think I'm very similar to you so even with the whole store in this podcast the anxiety when I'm in a situation where I'm struggling wrong vulnerable I don't have a freeze response or maybe I do but I never choose to use always have the flight response as well so just having not yeah pro says that you just expand on I'm definitely gonna use not myself and hopefully not feeling %HESITATION ashamed of myself when I lose my temper so thank you so much for sharing that and how long has this proces taking you to regain control of it because I I think I heard you say earlier that you do this every day is that right %HESITATION yes so I worked in the clear model every day I talk about happiness in my life every week day on my podcast so it's a daily ends but this process overall has taken me about five years to be able to get to a point where I'm like there it is like I got I got rear ended the other day and that's another situation where like I'm not expecting this to happen if I'm not emotionally managed in that moment things go south and I'd like to recommend I use a technique called decked declarations okay and I actually teach a course on it's available online on my site but I use declarations every single day to help me control the language that I'm using in my brain to then work that model so well it's taken me five years to fully grasp and understand and be able to change my patterns and my templates from instant anger and victim in entitlement thoughts to happy calm and dare I say grace right offering grace for other people as well as for myself right because that's part of that same thing that's part of that that feeling that guilt is you're like wow like I'm such a terrible person when you can try to give yourself grace through the language that you use understanding that now this is an opportunity for me to learn and to grow and I'm grateful for that and that can lead to grace for yourself which then also leads to grace for other people which also leads to being less angry at at situations that don't necessarily warrant it so I use declarations I'd be happy to share with you mine that you specifically when I got rear ended the other day yeah if you wouldn't mind please sure so my declaration is I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant and filled with light and when I can say that when I can change my language to who I want to be it can the gate to the anger of who I used to be who I once was so when in the situation of getting rid ended I got rear ended pulled over and I was like oh my gosh like usually my first my first phrase is really yeah I'm like is this really happening right now and the like nope that's that's not who I want to be yeah I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundant filled with light I get out of the car and like Hey are you okay and the woman was was not she was okay but she was a little terse with me and seemed irritated that she rear ended me and my car was okay her car was okay like I'm okay she's okay and I'm like you know like that's fine like we we can just go our own ways and like she laughed and I that's a moment where in the past I would been mad that I got rear ended I would be really bad that it seemed like she had no remorse whatsoever but instead I'm like no I will I am an intuitive mentor vibrant abundance and full of light if I'm if that's who I want to be especially in that instance there the full of light that doesn't mean I have very much space for anger and I can use that to transform my language to transfer my emotions to transfer my actions and to give me different results that's incredible he should be very very proud of your transformation and even just in this very short segment nine is giving me massive food for thought and hopefully people listed of just how we should try and at least work on ourselves to give ourselves grace I think that was a really important thing that you touched on so %HESITATION fantastic so you're probably are suppose just actually going back to the instance the womb was probably expecting a reaction from you and I suppose I think you have that as well when it's almost a shock factor when you're expecting someone dropped a set way and then they they handle it in a supposing you Taylor's way we just Grayson just happy to see you almost think it is personal right yeah absolutely because it's here's the thing it's so against the norm like I'm I'm just gonna say this right now like emotional management is nothing that we are taught and it's so against the norm that when we do see someone who is in a space of managing their emotions and in a space of positivity because of that then it wears us out like this is this is a call it out right it weird you out but then you also are like there's something there's something different about them and here's the thing we're all unique but sends a motional management is so outside the norm when you can be a person who is in control of their emotions and this is not saying I am positive and happy one thousand percent the time yeah I'm I'm a human negative emotions happen but I know how to manage and work through them so they don't control my life but when someone has that people are drawn to that opportunities come up that you would never have before jobs relationships this to speak on podcast like you and I found each other on social media we don't know each other personally here we are having a great conversation that is I was an angry bitter person you probably wouldn't have even %HESITATION file right told listens to some of your videos and I purchase in the decorations previously on one of your posts as well I'm not that fascinates me when this people who I can learn from and I think if I could learn something from them hi I hope my audience kind as well so I hundred percent agree but it's not the norm is a I mean I feel like we're in a society of just robots and you get the odd person like yourself you just fans are a little bit from everybody else and and to me especially I find that fascinating and %HESITATION I'm hoping now obviously myself through my Jenny I can try and express ways to help other people but I hope people that listen to you and for you after this episode as well can take on some of the lessons that you shed which %HESITATION which which are really really useful so thank you so much for sharing that thank you I'm just on that then so you've actually got quite an orthodox lie so I remember going to school and you either going to be a doctor an accountant or school some kind of profession I suppose you come out of %HESITATION college or university from you are not here as an entrepreneur you've got your own business you briefly mentioned that you've got courses on your website as well so what's a day like for you so I do have a sideline job as well so my day looks like this so I am currently participating in what's called the seventy five hard challenge so I'm participating in that so I wake up in the morning I do my vision board work and my declarations I a then feed my dogs I make breakfast for myself and then I read for the active ten pages of reading it day taking notes highlighting etcetera then I go back to my office and I journal and meditate put on my shoes take my dogs for a forty five minute walk outside come back get ready well I take about if I take about a fifteen minute nap and then I get rid I get ready and then I come to my podcast ideo which is actually my mess of a closet but it's great for sound dampening ands I record my podcasts record video at the same time then I upload that and then I drive to work at my day job where I am a marketing director I lied three teams and do that throughout the day then I come home and depending on the day that can be a breakdown of working on my business I also do one on one mentoring so working with clients of one on one depending on the day that they scheduled and then time with my my husband my spouse and then it's usually too bad so that's that's the day looks like it's feels pretty full when I've listed all out like that I really really enjoy it and I'll I honestly I love my life which is something that I couldn't have said five years ago mmhm I'm glad that you do and if if I may then so the last five years of observing good T. come we touch on a time limit vesti for yourself and maybe the lessons that you gain from that absolutely so about four years ago so I was still really angry it was not a great time I we had a family emergency both fall my husband and I mmhm and it resulted in my husband having to to travel and I essentially living alone for about a year and a half and in that still was able to communicate with my husband everything's great but in that was really my first time ever being really truly alone and I woods and maybe this this may or may not resonate for for your listeners depending on where their apps but this was what my it's really interesting so we just went through my daily routine is now let me tell you what my daily routine is was then so I would get up late I would kind of get ready I would go to I would go to work I would be miserable at work I would come home I would grab some food sit down on the couch turn on TV scroll through social media at the same time while I was eating and I would do that for about six hours the are you still watching or you know the continuous play auto play and I would say I would be eating that entire time I'd be scrolling on Facebook or Instagram Pinterest name the social media site I'd be doing that and I would stay up later than I probably should of and so then I would go to bed late and the cycle would continue and I did that for about nine months I gains twenty pounds I was a mess and I there's this there's these deals that they do it occurred the grocery stores here where they have the the Betty Crocker and it's very specific Betty Crocker Betty Crocker whipped vanilla buttercream frosting and again %HESITATION %HESITATION and they do they do ten for ten and so I would go to the store and I would get the ten for ten deal and not that I recommend this but it's very delicious when you put them in the freezer it's like ice cream that's amazing anyways I would I would do the ten for ten I put them in my freezer and every ten days I need to go re stock like I was eating a can of frosting a day like the sugar and the over eating and he social media scrolling and %HESITATION watching TV I was offering so hard for my emotions of loneliness and isolation and anxiety and fear of like what was going to happen and and all these things in my first time ever really truly truly being alone and that was a really really hard time and about nine months nine months into that year and a half something something switched and it's really funny because I couldn't identify it before and then I was being interviewed another podcast and this story came up in a different capacity and I realize what the trigger had been for me is that I I have a dog and I make I make jokes that this dog in particular I have two soulmates one as my husband and one is this dog like I I love this I love him so much and he was there with me and I took him to the backs for his annual and that was like %HESITATION she is really overweight it turns out that well I was gaining twenty pounds she right yeah she gains twenty pounds and so it was like okay we got like I love this dog more than more than myself at this point and I we need to get some stuff together so we started doing agility and I was like I this was in October and around November I was like TV is a problem for me I am majorly addicted so I'm gonna do I correct crafted my own challenge of no Netflix November a lot that I highly recommend it it's really hard in November because that's when all the good shows go out but I did know Netflix November and it changed everything because I realize I was book ending my routines with I would come home turn on the TV eat for hours do social media for hours watch TV for hours and that was the trigger that kept me in the cycle when I stop watching TV holy smokes the free time I had and I realize I wasn't hungry for dinner I wasn't hungry for frosting I wasn't hungry well I was trying to buy for my emotions and I found I didn't scroll on social media as much either I started going out and doing things I started reading more I started doing all these things that TV took that time and was essentially keeping me down and just because I was relying on it to help me by for my emotions instead of being aware of them and sitting in them so well I had done the work for anger I had figured out the work for loneliness and for fear and for sadness and for missing my old life and prior to this incident and so after that nine months in that jump start of being like I need to I need to get it in gear not only for me but for this dog that I absolutely love things started to change and that's when that's when my life as you said the it was really like the four years but I wrap it up in a five year time for because the anger thing did happen before but when you say the five years have been have obviously been good to me no stuff that happens but I just decided not to let it control me yeah yeah this powerful I would say the thing that I've learned the most out of that experience is that well really it's the clear model right every situation is your role as the thoughts that we have that lead to the emotions that lead to the actions that give us the results absolutely I think I am at Mylan I'm not sure if you're aware of him is awfully says life doesn't happen to you happens for you and that's kind of like a summary of basically what you expend a yours is a lot more concise and something a bit more practical that we can all use but just in relation to the story I mean it's fantastic because I just wanna thank you for sharing that vulnerability there about about your life and how you the truth of what was actually like and even now you're still saying not everyday is perfect because it's difficult when people after the show will come and kick on your profile and though he you speaking on your Instagram live videos and looking at your post it's difficult to think is this the same person because the transformation just trying to picture what you would like to just sit in there on Netflix to wait person that you are not an Aston credible and that's kind of what they should show a gain it is about so %HESITATION you're in such a great place that it's gonna be difficult for people to connect the dots of the it's not really the same Taylor that was on the episodes it is exciting for me because I'm I literally thought there are some people out there who are consistently happy all the time but then I will I'm starting to think what's this story because I do believe that everyone has a story and there's always something that's happened in their life in order to kind of change that perception I suppose and I guess yours was just your dog at the start having something that you cared for more than yourself to kind of bring you out of that rut %HESITATION and hopefully now it's more about yourself and helping other people and you won't need to focus externally and more so just try to focus on yourself one hundred percent I attended a conference last week and they had everybody right like their their top three the top three things that they they spend their time on and that they that they love and they're like okay how many people said family now raise their hand how many people said said spouse raise their hand and they were like now how many of you said yourself yeah and there were three of us in the room out of the room of a hundred and this is a room of a hundred people who are self help absolutely a very technical term their self help me but what use that one yeah there was there was three of us and it was number one on my list like it was the first thing I wrote down of what do I care about who do I care about what do I love what is a priority in my life and I would really challenge us like if yes my dog was it a key indicator that on the loneliness part and the over eating in the emotional buffering but still it came down to myself on the anger in the originals thing and I think we've been styled societally coached if you will that looking out looking out for your self is selfish but the thing is is that your life like you are your own best friend you are in your head all the time your body is with you one hundred percent of the time so if you are not looking out for yourself and I mean that in the most positive way absolutely right if you're not aware of your emotions if you're not looking at your routines and going okay I go to work I come home I watch TV I eat I scroll I go to bed that is my life every single day do I want more you have to like do I want more and then taking the steps to do that and being okay with that back nagging feeling that this might be selfish and at that point you use your declarations who do I want to be well I want to be an intuitive mentor whose vibrant abundant and full of light I have to become that person nobody else is gonna become that person for me so I need to focus on myself and have that that quote unquote selfishness it is so powerful enough in the way that you just said it would there was it was so beautiful and white with you now I think we should go out to challenge ourselves to kind of love ourselves faced %HESITATION and and it's it's weird because a bit of a personal story about going to drive it too much but my mom suffered with them quite depression she still does for about eight years and as he was saying that she was a fence posts that come into my head because her whole life is predicated on serving the people it always has been and it probably always will be less of a second almost challenger to kind of voice office and as much as me or my siblings or family and friends kind of tell eight you need to start looking after yourself and start to fill up your cook fast it just never seems to be her priority and it's always let me do this for someone so let's let me do this for this person I don't know it just it just resonated so much with me the odd I genuinely believe that she prioritize their life as she had even more to give because she's a very selfish person anyway nothing especially if we're giving people we have a call I nature we feel that we should always give I kind of feel of the people's Cup so fast but you just hit the nail on the head there one of the key things of your need to try and do as we go through this journey of life and trying to figure out what we actually have four is is to work on ourselves phase so this really hit me I like I said Tyler this is this is an incredible episode for me on a selfish level because I feel like I'm getting mastermind coaching from an expat half to may be happy so thank you so much a gate it's you were entering lawful and actually I wanna and I don't mean this in a in a bragging sense but I do want to ask you because you said this so am I providing value to you in this discussion one hundred percent if I had not focused on myself no I would not be sitting here talking to you being able to provide that value to you now city absolutely so really I love that you brought that up about about your mother or it really can be about anybody it's way easier to focus on everyone else then the focus on ourselves but you are spot on we cannot give to others and last we are comfortable and loving and supporting ourselves first spread I'll only get on then to another question I always like to ask people what show current biggest fear not stagnation K. I and it's not a matter of always be moving right there's there's another type of emotional buffering which is busy and it's not like that it's it's stagnation in the sense of I believe we're we're gonna go deep here for second I I believe my personal purpose is to learn and to grow I believe that's my internal purpose my external purpose is to be able to share with other people and reminded them that they are capable of happiness about so I have two purposes one is my internal and that directly correlates to my external but I my internal is I believe I am here on this earth to learn and grow as much as I can so my biggest fear is stagnation because if I am stagnant and I'm not learning and growing I'm not living my purpose absolutely so bring it on send this one a gain the I resonate with but looking at this five years ago I mean you would've been in a completely different state even myself I mean I feel like I do a lot of self development I do a lot of waking up myself I tried but this is been something unique to myself because maybe it's because of the I'm getting that we touched on at the beginning and not gain a hope as people listen to this you probably got the same kind of situation is me because on the outside a might always seem like I have my composure about me but there's a lot of things that I do need to work on my %HESITATION myself is also yeah that's that's the grants and I'm I'm sure that this happened is about and movement that you're craving %HESITATION will continue to expand I'm just on the actually then if you if you wouldn't mind so we muzzle but in not just before we go to the fun part of the show if people want to do the work with you all to learn more about yourself and more about this happened is a binding how would they be able to connect with you sure so I have a website happiness abounds dot com and I should be very clear it's happiness abound singular not abounds %HESITATION so happiness abound dot com and that has links to all of my social but you can find me on Facebook at happiness abound blog and Instagram at happiness underscore abound I also I'm on YouTube IG TV so and then the podcast is on most major listening podcast platforms so if you to search happiness abound I usually come up and video or audio options and then on my site you can also check out my courses that are available online and yes I do do one on one mentoring and would love to work with someone who maybe is struggling with anger and wants to be happier absolutely absolutely I mean he doesn't want to be happy SO and we are not on that no actually gonna go into the phone part of the show so this is something that you have no idea what's going to happen I'm ready okay fantastic we're gonna start in three two one okay what did you eat for breakfast a shake your biggest gift my biggest gift for myself as my drive if you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine what would it be less naps I love nap the ability to fly %HESITATION be invisible fly would you rather have a re one button or many of fame money because you can make more of an impact with money and that could lead to fame absolutely your proudest moment cool we come back to that one yes show your favorite food oranges not fix the chief the colonel the answer the answer is neither okay they're they're both rabbit holes of addiction for me so I try to stay away okay your number one goal this year my number one goal this year is to have a month where I have ten thousand downloads of my podcast your favorite TV show ever I really like mash would you rather know how you would die when you were dying when your favorite hobby talking about happiness love among the love book so me these thanks if you could sit with one person in the world for an hour who would it be Oprah you wish there as a child being stolen your favorite place in the world redwood forests in California equal languages we'll be able to speak to animals speak to animals if you could abolish one thing in the world what would it be self hate it's the root cause of everything and finally we're gonna go back to the question that you passed on your proudest moment that one okay my proudest moment I have I have lots this is not a choice of like %HESITATION what should I choose like or I don't have any it's like there's so many I because I do try to recognize these moments of my life I think my proudest moment to date is that I I had that I wanted to become a I a life coach in the back of my mind for really really really long time and part of that was I wanted to take a course reiki to become certified and they're expensive and so one of the proudest moments is kind of a a two for one I was attending a conference that I highly respect and I was like man I would love to do their coaching program and get certified and I just passed the paper along because I'd affordability and we had just paid off a huge amount of down our credit cards and my husband was with me and he's never at conferences with me like this was his first one and we go to lunch and he's like so how can you turn that how can you just pass the papers down as like all we can afford I can't afford we have a separate budget like personally that we have a family budget I like I can't afford it and he's like we can and we can do it in cash as we head off all of our debt and I was like what we can and he's like yes and we should then you should you need to I know this is something you really wanted and so we like rushed back from lunch I signed up so that was a really proud moment but then then the work comes in and and it was very intensive and I think my proudest moment as when I finished because it was a very it was it was a large group of people I think it was like seventy five in the main group and then we had the segmented off into smaller groups to do it was daily phone calls daily homework we had to create this entire binder thing I had to mentor ten individuals a minimum of three times and put them through a mentoring program to become certified in this three month period he was very intensive and of my small group where there were six of us talking every day only two of us actually finished and so I am really proud to you should be a certified transformational happiness mentor and so my proudest my proudest moment her proudest memory today is is getting that certification and having that dream had been in the back of my mind for years finally country western testing you should be proud and when you say that dream was in the back of your mind for ages how long are we talking I mean how's saving others so being able to influence people in a positive way it's been at the back of your mind situate child or was it something that we see as you were going through your own transformation you thought I would love for other people to feel this way actually it was neither I when I was a child I had a myriad of like I will be doing a lot of different things and it's really funny because today I do a lot of different things but I it wasn't after my journey either it was actually before okay and I was listening to a Tony Robbins CD and I don't remember what he asked I just remember I was by myself it was late at night I was listening to it and I think he has something like what do you want to do and I was like I wanna be it a coach I want to help people and I start falling and because it just felt so right and like I can actually do that which when we have dreams and things like I want to do that and at the time I was not emotionally managed I was a mess and it felt so far away but it felt so right that I just was overcome by like tears of joy and so a lot of those trials and things have helped me become who I am today so that I can help people put it in the back of my mind and I had I had started like a blog and stop and start and stop and start and stop because I felt like it had to be this perfect story yeah elle of of beginning middle and end and now I'm happy and that just contributed even more to my thought that I had to be inherently happy because I would listen to other podcasts and people would have a beginning middle and end and now they're happy and I'd like I can't even see an end in sight like I must be broke and I must be wrong something's not right with me and so any time I started to try and move in that direction of this goal I would stop myself because I wasn't perfect and the perfectionism really hit hard and so through the emotional management and all those things and then the grace that tends to come with that that really helped with my perfectionism and I actually started my podcast before I became certified and I feel like that had a lot to do with it because when I started my podcast I was like I was going to one a month and start slow and then the pressure that every hit recovering perfectionist here every hit had to be a home run there's only one a month yeah right and I'd be worn out and burned out on it because of all the emotional stress of it had to be perfect and I discovered that the thing that would work for me is if I could talk about it every day because then I could share my journey in real time and and show that I'm a real person struggling with this and you might be struggling with the two and here's what I'm going to try or here's what I was struggling with yesterday and here's what I what I tried and it works for me maybe it can work for you and getting over that perfectionist mentality in the podcast I really believe set me up to be able to become certified and help other people see that as well and I had to go through that journey before I could ever have just felt like yeah I can be a coach right so yeah it was in the back of my mind before all the work happens but I would not when you asked like rewind or pause I would not change anything in my life up today I would love to pause and be more in the moment and enjoy where I'm at now yeah yeah all this again so many things I can probably relate to on that so I used to with perfection is a bunch of ana until recently when I realized that she was perfection %HESITATION being a perfectionist that was the cause of all my procrastination I mean don't get anything done so %HESITATION even the one thing that I really enjoyed as a child was me because the system would sit there with an old cassette player which had a microphone attached to the side of it and we would record radio shows pretty much all day after school and I just enjoy speaking on a radio show and then somewhere from my teens to all the way through my twenties and saw you kind of can see my life and I really struggle in terms of getting out there and I became a real introvert and it's only in totally true this yet as we mentioned before we start this part as well so you know this part custom thing I'm just gonna try it and what what's the worst that could happen this doctor pepper it basically and %HESITATION I I've enjoyed it so much as it's been a JD I'm so people can listen to my first episode and realize that I am a lot more Davis then published today I mean I'm still nervous today but I think that vulnerability one that you're showing on your daily podcasts and why I hope people can see from my part because he's a whenever gonna be perfect and the whole process that's with a view you lie so I enjoy connecting with people I would never normally see walking down the road like yourself I mean this is a conversational enjoyed it so much is and I would never have had this opportunity if I hadn't of just bit the bullet and just come for it so I definitely age people whenever is in life that they want to do is just to kind of just try it because if you're anything like me I love a try and if I could see someone trying always I was trying to reform is I don't think that will retreat for you as well yeah that's just my little of inspiration off it to this podcast I completely agree I think I think that two things progress over perfection and then there is power and beauty in slow progress because part of the reason that we give up or like once we do start then we stop is because we feel like it's not happening fast enough but the power in the beauty that can come to you through that slower progress is everything I should just ask you to say because I'm their billing on and you said it so eloquently sub now %HESITATION yours was you were fantastic I was very I was very inspired also why I was being a little like I totally agree thank you okay but is so we're actually almost at the end of the show and I suddenly I and the just a few things I want to ask you before we close the show tell if that's okay and the next question is about reflection and always feel it's important that we speak about this because this is where the lessons I learned so I'm I'm a family even a hindsight teaches us a lot of things you can do just ways that we can get to places quicker easier with less heartache so what I want to know is knowing everything that you know if you could go back to a younger Taylor and whisper something into it yeah maybe do in a circumstance where she's may be feeling vulnerable %HESITATION just unsure of what she's going in life what would you say I would say you are capable of happiness abound because I I felt like I wasn't I felt like I was broken like I was wrong and I felt like I wasn't capable of happiness in my life and now I know that I am definitely a yeah and can I just ask the feeling that you said that you felt like you were broken was that your own feelings or was that an external influence as well %HESITATION hybrids okay right you you see other people that look like they have it all together and when you don't you feel like there's something wrong with you you see and constantly here like you should be happy or that happiness is the ultimate goal so when you're not and you're not viewing your life that you're human you're gonna have negative emotions in you just do it that your broken instead you don't feel like you're you don't feel like you're capable and I think that's a big a big thing and I teach this to the people I I mentor and I call a my clients because until you can feel like you are like you have to do some of the work to feel like you're capable and when you feel like you're capable you gain confidence and when you gain confidence you feel qualified and when you feel qualified you can conquer the world city I left a message thank you and that she's going to bring this to the last question nine which is something I gain I ask all of my guests which is if in a hundred and fifty years science has to save us someone no longer here and all that exists is a book and this book is about you Taylor and it's got all the way in a wonderful things that you've done in life and basically your whole story what would the bled the summary at the back of it how the pace and looking to pick that up and what with the title of the book she discovered she was capable of happiness abounds and reminded others they were capable of it too is the blurb and the title would probably be happiness about nice is simple I love it this powerful thank you so much for sharing that and we have already done the the social media plugs for yourself but I would definitely as people to father tied up on his social media platform a gain all I will definitely be doing that a bit more myself we just realized actually before this podcast that you have a podcast Televisa anywhere else that people can contact you or is Instagram probably the best place and your website I yeah Instagram in my website are probably the best website is the easiest because it has links to everywhere else so you can find me on multiple spaces ends yeah be sure to reach out I would love to hear from you thank you Taylor and for everyone else at home thanks for listening thank you that was really fun and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

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