From Sexual abuse to seeing ghosts #32

"Never alone" by Kathy Courtney #32

Tagline: "We all more powerful and stronger than we believe and capable of healing from so much more than we think"

Sexual abuse, failed businesses, seeing ghosts and so much more has been a part of this amazing women's life. Yet above all these words all I found and saw was true strength. I see a lady who has overcome so much, but shows us all that we are so much, that we are all so strong and capable.

We often get into comparisons in life about who struggles the most, but when you hear someone who has been a victim of childhood sexual abuse, only to then still not have an easy ride throughout life but remain radiant, positive and wish a mission to serve others, you can only sit back and smile in admiration.

I am so grateful for Kathy sharing her story, showing her vulnerabilities, showcasing her courage and also letting us into her world. Intuitive energy healing is now something she helps so many other people with, as it was the key driver behind helping her overcome her childhood memories. A lady who is on the journey to finding her voice and gaining confidence in spreading her message and one I feel will definitely leave her mark in such a great way.

Some key discussion points:

Sexual abuse is not your faultUnderstanding supernatural giftsOvercoming business failureRealising your true purpose and passionUnderstanding how strong we truly are

Thanks for listening

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Website: https://www.kathycourtney.net

Pippa transcript:

welcome to an episode of find your voice a movement led by yours truly Aren Deu a guy who was overcome crippling anxiety adversity and difficulty like so many of you in life whose main goal now is to help you combat your excuses take control of your life write your own story and most importantly find your voice so now without further ado I welcome the host of the show himself Mr Aren Deu what's going on people thank you for tuning into another episode a fine your voice my name is Aren and as always I am the host of the show so I'm delighted to have to bring to you today Kathy and Kathy story is one that told me so much in such a short space of time in fact I wish I met her a yeah because what Kathy told me and I'm sure as you listen to this episode it's going to teach you to is that we have so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for I mean how many times have you been to something I think it is going to break you to find that said she made you or if it has a major in that circumstance is definitely made you more resilient more stronger so it's kind of what I want you guys to walk away after this episode is to try and maybe step outside your comfort zone and embrace that fear and take on that little bit of pain maybe for some future gain because I promise you when you head Kathy you see that she's such a more beautiful place right now I have suffered all this incredible amount of adversity from the sexual abuse to losing business is so much more you're going to realize that the human will it's strong it's so much stronger than we give ourselves credit for so I am delighted to have hi there on the show I am extremely grateful that she opened up with have under bill ease and she opened up with this story which is something that I think of the city's more exposure in the road it's something that I wish one day be quit completely see the end of but sadly if we don't what I do want people to do is know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel so without further ado people thank you once again for treating it and I hope you enjoy this episode let's get over to it I want to welcome to the show Cathy thank you for taking time out of your day to come on and share your story how you doing today I'm doing amazing thank you for having exciting I'm happy to be here bless you thank ya I'm extremely happy to have you on the show as well so I was always just a leading to a yeah there's so many elements of your story that that I could relate to but there were also some stuff in terms of the emotional trauma that you experience as a child there's a lot of grief there there's a lot of stuff that we just spoke about very briefly prior to star in this episode that you realized five my life wasn't as normal as you have so it wasn't yeah so I think it be a great place if record if you could stop by maybe give the listeners a little bit more about yourself if you could kind of open up and tell us as much as you feel comfortable with your story okay yeah perfect and so I am the oldest of four children and that those parents were in the home and my dad worked to my mom was a stay at home mom and an eight a one to start with my dad because I see the ad and learned a lot from him my dad %HESITATION contracted polio when he was a very young baby so he was handicap his entire lice on it so I really felt that my first lessons in %HESITATION being compassionate and really being resilient and strong came from hen and watch seen how he dealt with %HESITATION adversity and his life because %HESITATION you know having a parent that wasn't able to walk slowly and eventually in a wheelchair and you know he made sure that we did all the normal things that kids do you you know took us to the beach sand tickets to you you know I'm use net parks and now being a parent myself and those things are hard just for you know up at appearance but but it but now realizing %HESITATION with the disability that he had you know why %HESITATION those things are so difficult and he never complains on he never held back from anything so really I think those were the first lessons that I learned where from him %HESITATION and then there there are two parts to my childhood that really led me ops you kind of the work that I do now which is the reiki healing and also %HESITATION I am a medium so I do you know mediumship readings and I my first memories %HESITATION being a child's where that as being sexually molested at a very early age by my paternal grandfather %HESITATION and dotted use lasted for an extended period of time %HESITATION between six and seven years and %HESITATION also during that time I was starting to experience %HESITATION what what most people would when baby label as supernatural sort of experiences and and by that I mean I would see shadows which now I understand and spirits %HESITATION I would see shadows as animals and people and and the way my mom kinda described it sees that there was always something trying to get my attention so I would be let's have a deep cleaning my room and you know little things that happened things would come off the wall where I would feel a presence in my room and and then there were lots of things that I knew that there was no way of me possibly knowing friend stands I would say %HESITATION the phone was ringing and so once I was calling and my mom would say well the phone's not even ringing and then a minute or two later the phone would ring with the exact same person that that I would say would call and I also had %HESITATION an out of body experience when I was about six I think I was six or seven years old and I might grandparents lives sort of in a in a open kind of country field and they had thrown some sort of poison out for that for the rodents I think and %HESITATION being a little kid just kind of curious %HESITATION I happen to eat the apple is and so fast you know started bleeding internally and you know rest the hospital all that kind of thing and I clearly remember leaving my body and you know I could see the nurses and doctors and all this work being done on my body and so those were memories that I had that I never I didn't understand what was happening at the time and I think a lot of it I did explain to my mom and you know she has seen what kind it is say well let's pray about it or if you would say let's got insert search %HESITATION something like that and then those experiences to students start happening and so she had to move a couple of times because you know she thought well maybe the house was Hines said order and and those those type of things on and so you know that happened throughout my my tile tied on and then when I was about twelve or thirteen my grandmother passed away and %HESITATION I remember she came out of sort of a bathroom stall and you know there there's a mere right in front of me and she appears to me in that mere %HESITATION so those are all things that where we're really %HESITATION you know I wasn't scared of those things you know you're not scared until someone tells you that you need to be scared and exits are wasted it was just a normal thing for me and I thought well does this happen everywhere I just really had no idea yeah at that time %HESITATION and so you know so being you know sexually molested interviews at the time and and that's going on you know it was definitely not what you would say your normal tight why yeah I think I'm gonna have to agree with you that because we were speaking I was trying to say obviously the premise of this show is to let people know that not always alone in in their adversity that they're suffering be you've definitely touched on some stuff that it's almost like a combination of extremes are suppose I've got so many questions I mean is if I may so firstly I just wanna say your dad sounds absolutely incredible and I think he's amazing the fact that I think especially that generation as well with the just the just get on with stuff and and I really love that and I think you almost had like a fish row seat at seeing how to deal with adversity and how to displace life's challenges which probably makes you so strong and empower you know when I can hear yourself now you're in such a great place where is it so easy to probably be in a completely different place haven't been through what you've been through so %HESITATION I think props to yourself and obviously to your father for that then obviously we move on to the more I suppose sensitive subject my way you were sexually molested and yes I'd be doing a disservice as opposed to the lessons and also to myself and if a game please if if this is making you feel comfortable you haven't you don't have to run so but I just want to ask how that affected you when did it stop affecting you in your life or is it still something that you deal with today and it's definitely not something that I deal with today and it's something that it took me a long time to work through and that eight but I have found a place of peace with its %HESITATION you know tearing does a year is I I I guess because of the other situations that were going on in my life I became very good at disassociating myself with the abuse and my emotion around it on and it wasn't until later so I was you know %HESITATION eleven or twelve years old when you know most kids are going through those changes where you know you're you're not a child that you're awesome not a teenager and and so you know I definitely went through a lot of it and just completely hating myself you know south heat and the prior question and stealing %HESITATION so isolated in those feelings and I'm just a lot of different emotions you know but mostly it was the south heat I completely hated myself now I didn't like the way I looked and I didn't like the way I felt and I didn't like my late tonight I didn't like anything about me and so that you know that I can say that that's how it affected me and then and around I think it was around eleven when I was really going to the changes %HESITATION might I started experiencing like a real physical keen in my body it was intense pain I'm I literally like I would say I stopped walking because my body was in so much pain and my mom you know my mom took me to the doctors they couldn't find anything really medically wrong with my body I'm and now looking back I knew and because of the work I do now I know I know that it is that it was that energy of that trauma that was stuck in my body and the energy of not being heard and not being able to speak up for myself that I was experiencing a real physical pain %HESITATION and it ended up that the doc they thought maybe it was index and they thought it was something you know with you know my female I guess organs and I I had a surgery had surgery because they did not know what to do with me they didn't know what is wrong with me on and so now looking back I think that's totally crazy that you know it went that far but at the time and I don't think that I was able to verbalize you know what happens to the extent that it happens %HESITATION I felt that a lot of that was covered at my extended family and I eat I literally didn't know what to do and now I know like I said I just think it was the pain of that trauma that my body was experiencing why am and just on the as you were saying that there was %HESITATION there was a quote that I listen to your car remember exactly where it came from but it says to heal the wound you must feel of wind and really resonated with me so not in the respect that I've been through what you've been to but I had been physically a so it to the point that I was almost left for dead a long time ago it's a story for another day and somewhat of a vote to shed but for me to be able to really have overcome that and went through the process of forgiveness and really trying to go back into that moment running kind of just plastering over and pretend it never happened it was only then my lifestyle to really change so would you say that was highly of the seat I know you're into you you do healing therapy now is off is that how you find your way of really moving on I suppose from the trauma you experienced and then releasing yourself and I no longer hopefully experiencing physical pain yeah eight it was a combination of things on I think after that experience with the surgery and jazz really you know I've always been very into it as %HESITATION and I've always been very in tune with my cells %HESITATION even though sometimes I didn't have the words to express what I was feeling I didn't feel like I have the support on I knew that that my life wasn't always going to be that way you know I knew that even as a young child and %HESITATION you know I would turn on it with read and so it seems like I've always been into like self help and self healing even at a very young age %HESITATION that there were lots of little incidents after that you know I I found myself in that piece of near it first marriage in which I quickly got out of that %HESITATION and then I went on to start a business with my current husband his amazing and supportive and I love him and %HESITATION things are going well with that and then a recession hit %HESITATION unfortunately and so we we pretty much lost it all and see now all the money and all the hard work that we had to put in sweats and so I also had it needs a new baby at the time and then you know go in trying to trying to rebuild from that %HESITATION and then I find out that my dad on has a terminal illness called pulmonary fibrosis and he was given six months to live so you know it's like a one thing happens and then you know now I am I'm caring for my newborn and and then I find out I'm going to have another child and then navigating through caring for my children and for my dad you know and and walking him through the process of his journey into his transition because you know he he only has six months to live at that point %HESITATION and so you know that was a beautiful gift but it was it was a difficult guest as well just just seen him go through that and then %HESITATION you know but I I did make a promise to him because we had we had all this ad tying Ted to talk about all the really important things and on my child's head in his childhood and and just a really understanding of each other and %HESITATION you know he made me promise that after his his transition I would get censored if there be I would seek out help I would seek out since ready healing and because not only was I going to have to heal from my childhood just that the fact hearing from from losing him because he he does quite literally my best friends so I went on to you know I I I need a promise to him and I was gonna sell sell that promise so I did seek out a couple of therapists and it was you know talk therapy and I I really didn't feel %HESITATION that I was making much progress and so someone mentioned %HESITATION EMDR so %HESITATION I don't know the specifics of how it %HESITATION that I did a couple of sessions with that and it was amazing %HESITATION and then one of my best friends who she's been on this journey with me sensor might style tent I'm she sat and at the time I was really into meditation I got into meditation and started really %HESITATION implementing a spiritual practice of my own and so she said Hey I heard about this healing circle it's a meditation circle I think you would really really really enjoy it and so I decided to go and that was my first experience with energy healing I had an energy healing session there and it was such a release I he asked out so much come out of my body I had this experience where I sell to my dad and in the presence of that room %HESITATION I saw him I heard him I was able to talk to him it was the most amazing experience and I left there and thinking what was that you know what is that I have to learn more about this and and so that's how I found my my first my first mentor and with that Brady Ricky healing this incredible yeah I was it was amazing just on that then so you know how you're having these experiences and I know you went on when you had the poisoning you run the in your life and obviously with your dad is that something that you're in control of or is it something that you can maybe manifesto is it just completely random when it happens I mean now it doesn't happen as often %HESITATION but it's something I can control within myself you know I'm not walking around is leaving my body that's good to know no and I'm just on everything else that you see you said that was going to say how inspiring it is because I always find when somebody goes through so much trauma so much adversity but they only see the gift from it and have a completely different perspective like yourself we said you so blessed to have all these gifts yet you've gone through so much stuff almost that you have to sit back and think how does one person cope with so much adversity so you extremely inspiring with that and I wanna ask what's your secret for continually rising each time you're not down with something and I think so I don't know that I had a cigarette I do have a spiritual practice that I uphold too and I am constantly working on mice cells %HESITATION that they think it's just really reflecting on and my dad you know I mean we I do this in in in his honor really I do this for my children I do this for other people at cyber Cup myself so that I can work on others because I want people to know that no matter what you go to in right now %HESITATION there's always a light at the end of the tunnel and and you're gonna make it through that's hard absolutely and I'm I'm extremely glad that you kept your promise to dining you you did seek the help because you're now in a position of the way you can help so many more people which is which is fantastic so good on you and then the MDR defeat sounds interesting to gain I think we spoke about this offline and this is our really kind of for a selfish reason just got fascinated by your story because I've always been interested in the whole heating in the spirituality side I think the only difference to me and you is it Faisal my grandma are in the mirror out will things fun of the war I would absolutely crap myself I would be running out of the house in anything so %HESITATION again you touched on a very good point though because I was gonna ask you the question is you only become scared of things in life when people tell you that you may be sure to society says that and then also if I was a kid I mean thinking about now I lived in my aunties has pretty much all the time I was always around with my cousins and I'm sure there was some men where things happening in the house but it felt home to me where is not %HESITATION I'm a grown man on the left they ease and if I have to go and stay there by myself on the not a problem he turned it down %HESITATION from inside some round so hopefully she's not listening to get offended but isn't it isn't it funny how the how the world works but I just think it is a beautiful gift I have been told in the game correct me if I'm wrong that be your have this ability to soft top into this kind of is it that audio this intrusion not with another high level %HESITATION yes I believe we all have we I have that ability to tune in to to spirit to the divine %HESITATION to our guides week we all have that ability I think sometimes you know we do go through different different things in life where we're not taught that we are able to do that I think that might be a disservice to lots of children you know because children don't question things they they're not afraid of things you know it it was very natural and normal for me and to have those connections %HESITATION and sometimes you know the way you know different people have you know sort of religious beliefs or that that conditioning of the way they've been raised %HESITATION wherever they are in the world and so sometimes you know that'll start kind of diminishing does start a connections because then we think what is Israel is this wrong %HESITATION should I be afraid you know but I think you know even with my own children %HESITATION my son is extremely empathic %HESITATION my daughter she also is very connected as a matter of fact %HESITATION after my father transition and ours was about three or four she started connecting with him she would see him and speak to him and %HESITATION she would tell me what he would say and then all those those memories and my childhood I'm I'm having this connection started coming back because I thought this is exactly what I thought when I was her needs %HESITATION yes so yeah all children we all do now we I have we all have the ability to connect with our loved ones %HESITATION have transitions and yeah I definitely believe that I think you hit the nail on the head that children are predicting that the fact that they remain curious and the Phyllis so I kind of wish Buell kept up a summer long life through Janie whether it's his old teachers or family we kind of really you stop and we start to be become afraid of things that maybe we shouldn't necessarily be afraid of them stop becoming curious because you're kind of pigeon holed ourselves into little pocket so surprised and it's a shame but I'm just I'm not then I just wanna ask something I'm playing devil's advocate here some people will probably think that the stuff that you and I believe in is a little bit ferry Talysh or something that doesn't exist for example so if we accept that there are people with their own beliefs which is absolutely fine but they've experienced the symbol of control missed yourself on the sexual abuse for example what would you recommend for somebody dealing with that pain at all they're all tentative is other than the whole spiritual healing is there anything that you could recommend perhaps again that the might not be in on some just asking as you can now looking back you know and there there's so many different healing modalities and there's so many different ways to go about healing you know energy healing as is only one of those things see now and %HESITATION I would say just find something that resonates with you whether that rare some people will feel very connected to to going to church and to praying %HESITATION meditation meditation was a huge %HESITATION practice for me that helped me on EMDR is is is something that you can go to a therapist for %HESITATION you know had no therapy there's so many different avenues %HESITATION and with the energy healing our rate your whatever it is that you choose to do %HESITATION that can really be a compliment to to lots of other things that you know it doesn't have to be one right of one modality you can pick and choose and and kind of find something that works for you but you know if I can say one thing on that %HESITATION I would say you know to stress the importance of of whatever type of healing that you signs whatever resonates with you that how important that is because and you know just I'm working on my cells and working on others %HESITATION I calm now now looking back I have learned that I come from a long line sort of abuse on both sides of the family and sexual abuse and and physical abuse and incest at an ancestral line but you know when you decide to step forward and and you'll those those things in in your %HESITATION in your life you're not only healing yourselves but you're healing your ancestral line and you're also healing for your children you know so that they don't have to carry that forward in their DNA and they don't have to go through the same things he went through so that's to me that's amazing and every time I see that and someone and I'm just so happy and excited for them because it it'll stop with you you know once you seek out that healing and that's an amazing thing to think I yeah absolutely because because it becomes a purpose be getting yourself which then obscene spies you right absolutely okay so touching on the final thing that I want to ask you which was about your business that you and your husband hadn't invested so much time and energy into which I sadly file during the recession what's the situation now what are you doing right this moment I will now looking back you know at the time you don't you don't kind of makes sense of things are happening %HESITATION but now looking back I don't think it was my journey it wasn't my past and so it didn't work out and I would have been tied to something that I did not live at the time I thought that this was money this is my passion I I was a hairdresser and so I did here and make up and %HESITATION %HESITATION I did a lot of weddings and so I opened up a bridal shop because that's a lot to weddings I'd love to be around happy time in people's lives and %HESITATION but now looking back on that was never really might have you know that was never really my journey %HESITATION in so how to have the business I wouldn't be doing what what I'm doing now I would have been able to spend that lasts six months with my dad definitely not because you know business of course as you know takes up so much time and energy and money and worry and stress so after after you know pretty much losing at all I mean we had it well that was that was a difficult time but on so my husband continue to work what you know he never he never quit his job %HESITATION and so I went on to just be leave work on healing my cells and I like I said I took training and what I do now which is freaky healing and and shortly after you know I really went into it because I was the one that needed the healing I never thought that I was going to use this to help other people right I definitely didn't think this was going to be what you call a business or anything of that sort %HESITATION diet I started really experiencing all those things I had experiencing experienced as a child so a lot of the mediums abilities came back and I noticed that every time I was you know practicing or working on someone %HESITATION I was connecting to someone on the other side %HESITATION and so that that led me and so what I do now mailing this incredible and I just want to pick up on a point that you said that you never went into it for yourself initially and you can never realized on the CD the wider impact I suppose you could have done and the funny thing is is a little bit about myself so ins I II has literally been my shadow for the majority of my life and when I started this podcast find your voice and when I first I do need about public speaking in just just trying to get out there and I joined Toastmasters and stuff a lot of it was just solely for myself it was to grow and right it was the kind of overcome the fears and I was going through this growth mindset thing thinking I'm not going to accept that in this very short amount of time I'm just going to be much like it for the rest of my life so I kind of threw myself out there and face my face but on the back end of that I realize the inspiration that is given to the people's all all will get her very run a message once in awhile from somebody saying every time you post even though you might for me for like a very mundane post because I pretty much do the same stuff every day it's saying you inspire me every day how you always just the high side your compass own and then I realize even in this podcast the power that we have in terms of one sharing I've learned abilities but then to try to overcome so that not really resonated with me because now I almost feel like the podcast especially is it's become a passion I'm just developed such an interest in a one of kind of mass three I want to become the best in the work I really want to spread messages like yourself and all them other fantastic guest out there in the votes of you'll don't shy away from our affairs and we just did she lived that charge %HESITATION being how children are like we spoke about earlier and just buffet listing curious about life yes I love that that's amazing I think you're amazing thank you blabla see that's your amazing and I just wanna ask actually just fun now knowing where you are you've come to find I believe your passion I yeah what's your daily routine like that so I pretty much do the same thing every day I get up pretty early I start my day by meditating so that something I don't ever deviate from I meditate %HESITATION and then I will journal a journal every morning and S. I'm reading a book which I tend to always read I'll read a couple of pizzas and then %HESITATION now this is a kind of kind of changes sometimes I go from going to the gym and sometimes and right now my habit is just I really like being outdoors so I start my day by either a walk or jog which really turns into kind of a shop full and I been listening to podcasts every single morning on my box so I need to do that and then I'll come back and work out and then I'm ready for my day %HESITATION but that's every single morning every single morning I did not this brilliant and within that you can see straight away there's a lot of self care and a lot of self love that goes into that so you kind of want any G. enormous revitalizing yourself before you kind of talk with the day which is right which is fantastic yeah and %HESITATION have you got any other hobbies other than what you do outside have you wreck and so I mean I love to read I have to spend time with family and friends I home school my children so that it pretty much takes up a lot and then you know of course in my clients and %HESITATION I don't know that their hobbies but there are things that I enjoyed doing and just being with my children really right now and and spending time with my husband excellent and I just wanna ask another question if I may Sir I have so many questions because a fascinating how you trying to spread your message in your because I believe you have a incredible story I believe you you can always help people in so many ways have you got like a you tube channel is not something in the part time or are you thinking about increasing Instagram I am thinking about open yeah so my Instagram spin %HESITATION I ate so this is kind of been a journey for me and it's it's it's been private for a very long time because %HESITATION met so where where I live and I think in general and there's been a lot of sort of back last when I started to take open up into more mediumship readings and %HESITATION to really do that some people are very strongly against not on so that was a little concerned when the fact that I do have children I didn't want that to affect them in any way %HESITATION but we've had we've had lots of moments are we talked about this and you know there's always going to be somebody that doesn't believe in what you do and doesn't like you so mostly right now all my workers just been word of mouth on there's a local magazine I've been fortunate enough here to write for eight and a couple interviews for that magazine %HESITATION and and I have my website and so that's basically but really it's just being out %HESITATION in my area a lot of clients sending more clients and say that it's been amazing but yeah thank goodness yeah I am going to start working on some more things %HESITATION I tend to procrastinate a little bit in that area out which I am I am working on that my husband gets a little irritated with me but yes I am opening up more and more slowly absolutely I gain is this approach this isn't it I mean our member initially so I come from a very academic background again I was always a shy kid yeah I would be doing the most random stuff in terms of our discredit you tube channel or I would just stop doing videos and it was almost read because people would say are you really that sorry but what they didn't see was that it would take me five hours to release a two minute you to video because on a on a three hundred the tents for and then the beautiful thing the allied with the channel was not I could manipulate it so much and cried with the is an all as an almost made myself if it and then somewhere along magenta realize actually that's not really the perception I want to be given a in fact let's just where my floors and we must because that you say guys this is kinda how I am I'm still working on it so I think definitely get you some case off I don't think instagrams a burning platform and I've spoken to a couple of them ladies you about you coming apart castle just offline actually and they have Instagram TV where they'll just do like minute videos or a couple of minutes video the day or maybe a week again oversee depends in you punch Cup but it really does give great value and slowly you can start to see the people who are engaged with the menu almost crate a community because as with myself I could say one messages somebody next %HESITATION could say the same message but the audience might resonate with them more than me or vice versa that makes sense I think yeah that makes perfect sense yeah and I think you're definitely get your orders and I just as you said something earlier I just want it was it was a call from Eric Thomas is a motivational speaker he says there's a group of people that need you more than you need to listen to the negative comments I love that I loved as a because in your back your mind you're worried about what these negative comments going to say but we really have to get people like yourself out there because like he says is a group of people that you need you I need this message so a ride takes on one of the truly I mean a tree down on a quite a hobby and I have a certain number of calls today and always just look at and it just kind of keeps me focused on my journey because if I listen to naysayers of people saying why are you doing this or don't you find it where that you'll try to put yourself on the Indians and almost kind of change and feel like it's my G. to kind of shape people's stories like I get to sit with you not for now and I learned so much from your adversity from you we stem from the way that you say I think that is an injustice if I don't share that with the road thank you for sharing that with me I love that yes yeah and that's something I've I've been I've been trying to work for a while now and again I think it kind of goes back to raise a child and you know I I I I receive a lot of negative comments and even now as an adult now %HESITATION I have tried to reach out to different areas %HESITATION and people have not been so nice that there which I totally understand and I'm fine with it but %HESITATION I I'm definitely working on that right you know we're out kind of a work in progress exactly exactly nobody has it figured out rule kind of just figuring it out as we go along yes it is about just finding your network because well I realize was again just on a quick tangent when I started my you tube channel my initial frustration was because my friends and family wasn't supporting it and then what I'm what I'm very quickly realize was that was not my audience that I needed to say yes that is such an amazing point yeah it is the only kit like eighteen months down the line so I know this resentment and all this kind of frustration and the prime into really realized hold and iron that's not who you need to be said doing so then I changed my focus and even I with this podcast my news feeds and the people in truck with a completely different to myself say twelve months ago because I need to be in a community where there are people who need healing there are people who just need the inspirational motivational somebody's contract vested not card trying to connect the dots if that makes sense and just make their life a little bit easier so yeah it's interesting I'm looking forward to your journey and hopefully you see a lot more fun to untested the next question as you probably know is going to be about investing on %HESITATION we've kind of touched on that very briefly at the beginning so by all means choose any type of investor that you've been through a lot that can be business for lady can be passed on or whatever okay but the main thing I want to know from this is just the lessons that you learned from it and what you can then take from that situation and move forward with a loud and I I think you know I've learned a lot through through the things I've gone through and I I think the main thing is that humans in general are so much stronger than I think we're even led to believe that we can take our stories on the trauma and the good points and all those things and just really use that to help other people and to let them know that they won't get through it as well %HESITATION but really I think it's just wow people are so strong and we don't even realize that what we're going through three those situations but how amazing we are your amazing and I think when people listen to this story people are gonna realize why we're even stronger so it's one thing thinking was strong and let me go straight face TV almost come out the other side and it's like that saying what doesn't kill you makes you stronger but when you have somebody else and this is why I love stories like yourself he's been through so much more and more and then so come out the other side and just has this radiant energy of just love and no resentment or any sort of a %HESITATION feeling it is very funny just shows your wives even more street that we can tap into thank yell and in this moment then why not what's your biggest fear %HESITATION something happening to my children and something happening to them and so I I do tend to be a little over protective with my children which I'm also working on that is that the home schooling as well no not so much no not so much the home schooling it's just I'm you know I'm very aware and people that are around my children at all times and %HESITATION yeah I am I am I am worried about something happening to my children I don't want them to have to go through the same thing that I that I experienced on so I would say that would be my biggest fear and that's very understandable thank you and next before we go into the from pie the show where I'm gonna put you through your paces I just want to ask for help %HESITATION in this moment is you'll inspiration you why for what you do what you do my children my children especially I wanted to see my my daughter because I want them to know that they can constantly reinvent themselves they they don't have to know all the answers you know by the time they're eighteen or nineteen at %HESITATION you know I want them to see that now I think all these different things I've done all these different things and I am still working on it so just do what makes you happy %HESITATION you know speak your truth I want them to know that so that's why I'm constantly and I am working on that because I want my daughter to you and my son of course but to speak your truth %HESITATION said they they are my why they are my inspiration for sure love this it should be for message and I think in a society where we're almost hypnotized with this poll of trying to fit in in trying to walk a set way trying to vice saying things and I'm just conform to I suppose what to site once she's very difficult to be ourselves right it would be beautiful to see more people really just trying to really embrace who who they are Hey at each stage of your life you know you don't you don't have to have all the answers yeah absolutely I'm still trying to figure one answer right that's correct but yeah we'll get that and so we are actually not what the form part of the show and this is kind of the show the pa the show sorry where I would just ask you the most random questions for sixty to ninety seconds we're gonna start in three two one if you could abolish one thing in the road what would it be %HESITATION crimes against children your favorite hobby reading your biggest role model my cat what would you like to be remembered for my your biggest goal this year to get out in a %HESITATION some heartfelt snacks and new people and and just really connect with others your west mistake my first marriage no if you could relive one day again what they would it be any day with my dad the ability to fly or be visible fly the number one thing that annoys you liars money or fame many your proudest moment giving birth to my children your favorite food would you rather speak more languages we'll be able to speak to animals I feel like I can speak to animals so I mean if you go with all languages if you had an extra hour day how would you spend any time with my children sixty two your favorite TV show ever I merely lab and I still really laugh the old classics like my legs on show I love those because they would you rather know how you would die or when you were done house and finally what is one question that you wish I had asked you covered at all and does this is amazing well bless you so that was nice and the next question when asked just before we move on to the final question is about reflection and the call I'm a firm believer that hindsight is a wonderful thing because obviously upon reflection we can always think of ways to get to places quicker easy how would less heartache what I want to know is if you could go about knowing everything that you know not too young and healthy maybe during your early years between the ages of eight to ten %HESITATION whatever agent was and you can just whisper something in the air knowing exactly what you know now what would it be %HESITATION I think in regards to the abuse that I suffered I would say it's not your fault this isn't your fault none of this is your fault %HESITATION that would be huge and did you believe it was your full at that at that particular time I thought I did something wrong definitely I thought I thought it was something I did wrong and I and I believe that for a long time you know so yeah I would definitely say that thanks for sharing if I may just ask on that was it was it difficult for you to come out and let your family know about it I mean how did the how did that let's change the fuck on %HESITATION so that was a totally different you know that's a whole story in itself but I'm like I mentioned my best friend who invited me to the meditation circle we were friends in middle school so I think by this time I'm eleven or twelve years old I don't know but I was just going to such a difficult time and like I said I was in so much physical pain %HESITATION that I opened up to her and I mean she was you know another child basically and and so she went to the school counselor and so the school counselor called me in and then called me parents and and so that's how it came now but by this time it was already you know seven years and but there was a lot of threats being named by this person so I was afraid yeah I was trying to ruin the family I was afraid I was going to get hurt to think he was going to hurt my appearance on I was afraid of not being believes %HESITATION and then at some point you know do you it's so common that in a way you accept it which is a strange concept but it just becomes your life and you don't know any difference at that point so excited even out I don't think that that you know at the earlier stages I didn't know was an option to to to speak out about and say Hey this is happening and this is %HESITATION county what should we do right I I literally had no idea and because it was so it was so common and it happened so many times that it just became my life who's thank you for sharing the thing yeah and just finally then so this is actually the last question I always love trust my guess and it's about let okay so if in a hundred fifty years time signs vows to save his soul and all that exists is a book and this book has everything that you've done in your life for the weight and wonderful things firstly what with the title of the book be and second what the Blair but the back tell us about coffee I think I would want the titled Sabine never alone and and I think I'd want it to really express that you know I was a compassionate he's sick kinds of person %HESITATION but I think I would want it soon you need expressed the fact is that I would want others to know that we all have this in our guidance and this and make healing power with an S. on that even you know in those darkest moments when we feel alone that we are able to tap into that in tune into that and that we are definitely more powerful than we hi to believe %HESITATION but I'd really want people to know that %HESITATION that they have this amazing ability inside them they will be much more courageous if we knew how strong we could truly be so that's right absolutely and Kathy suddenly dies obviously the end of that the questions but I want to give this I want to give you an opportunity and we get to guess an opportunity to obviously connect is also what's the best place that the list is can reach out to you and so I have a website it's Kathy Courtney dot net and I am on Instagram Kathy Courtney seven %HESITATION but definitely there my website if someone had any questions or you've definitely reach me on their phone testing and also to the website that I mentioned anyway I actually read your story and he and he was fascinated I'm so glad that I did read that story I did reach out pain because here I am myself too I mean this is been absolute pleasure energy as everyone listening to follow Kathy again if you go on even now with Instagram page we are following you %HESITATION you'll messages even in your captions and stuff is always in a message there but our I'm looking forward to you really coming out of your shower metes Stein T. share your life because this this conversation has been really enlightening for me I really do appreciate you sharing your vulnerabilities as well also thank you for taking time out of your day today and I want to also thank the leases well thank you for listening thank you so much I really appreciate you and remember this podcast is absolutely free so all we ask in return is for you to share this with a friend and drop us a five star review over on iTunes have an awesome day

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