Dating Kinky
367 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 1 year ago - ★★★★ - 5 ratingsA ‘cast about love, sex, romance, and kink.
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Episodes
A Dating Kinky Podcast Reboot & Unsolicited Advice
October 31, 2022 12:00 - 8 minutes - 3.99 MBUnsolicited advice is something I've been personally noodling for a bit, especially in regards to personal boundaries and ethics.
Happy Birthday to Nookie!
August 30, 2022 15:24 - 7 minutes - 3.65 MBWelcome back to me! I guess I kind of just disappeared. And I didn't mean to. I meant to say something, do something, let people know... But I didn't. And I apologize for that.
Nonmonogamy: one plus one is 1, one plus two is 3, and one plus three is 6.
July 29, 2022 12:00 - 12 minutes - 6.06 MBTo "do relationships" well, there are two factors that must be considered: 1. The individuals involved. 2. The relationships.
Do you reward the minor improvements?
July 27, 2022 12:00 - 10 minutes - 5.3 MBOr, do you punish the lack of perfection? I'll admit, I do both. It's hard, sometimes, to recognize that things are getting better when they are frustrating AF, and maybe even something you take personally.
8 Tips to Communicating Compassionately
July 25, 2022 12:00 - 11 minutes - 5.55 MBI've covered priorities, openness and respect in communication. Today, I'm tackling compassion.
A prayer for your love...
July 22, 2022 12:00 - 3 minutes - 1.61 MBNot sure where this came from, except from the heart today. I wish all of this for all of you.
Throwback Thursday: A Few Thoughts On Need...
July 21, 2022 18:00 - 10 minutes - 4.71 MBI've always thought Meatloaf had it backwards. He sang, "I want you. I need you, but there ain't no way I'm ever going to love you..."
The balance of power exchange and romance...
July 21, 2022 12:00 - 14 minutes - 6.72 MBWhen you have power exchange relationship with romance, you actually have two relationships: Power exchange dynamic + Romantic
The business of kink...
July 20, 2022 12:00 - 12 minutes - 5.73 MBOne thing I've noticed in kink—versus the swinging world or nearly any other passion/hobby communities I've been in—kinksters as a whole do not believe the value of kink.
There is rampant slut-shaming in polyamory/nonmonogamy communities.
July 18, 2022 12:00 - 8 minutes - 4.02 MBAnd you know what else? It's encouraged by many.
I don't NEED a partner. (Neither do you, I bet.)
July 15, 2022 12:00 - 13 minutes - 6.62 MBI began to realize that while I didn't need another human to make my way through the world, especially one specific other human, the way love stories always suggested, I did want that partner.
My best sex life started at 40.
July 13, 2022 12:00 - 5 minutes - 2.63 MBI'm not the only one who has said that sex has gotten better as we've walked over that hill. And it's not just for women, either.
What does communicating with respect look like?
July 11, 2022 12:00 - 13 minutes - 6.58 MBWhether you feel respect will play a big part in whether or not they feel respected. A lack of respect bleeds through into everything you communicate.
Where are ALL the creepsters?
July 08, 2022 12:00 - 11 minutes - 5.4 MBAnd I don't find that all the people in kink (or dating, or whatever) are creepy. Not even most of them. Not even most of the (gasp) men.
Tit-For-Tat is ABSOLUTELY NOT a safe, sane, and consensual relationship
July 07, 2022 18:00 - 12 minutes - 5.86 MBIf you really love someone, the LAST thing you want to do is to cause them hurt.
SPH: I've always looked for the tiny treasures...
July 06, 2022 12:00 - 9 minutes - 4.37 MBA large and loud truck went by our outdoor gathering of kinky folk. Cue the usual jokes about masculine size compensation. I stopped them. Because consensual SPH is NOT acceptable. But consensual? Well, that's another story.
So, you want a consensual non-consent relationship?
July 04, 2022 12:00 - 9 minutes - 4.6 MBA big part of CNC is developing the trust that you both ultimately want the same sorts of things from your kink and personal lives.
How can some people get off so much more easily than others?
July 01, 2022 12:00 - 10 minutes - 4.81 MBSome may be born with a predisposition to pleasure. But since we can’t know what potential we are born with, it’s up to us to try new things, practice our exercises, and see where we can go and what we can feel.
Do you even 24/7, bruh?
June 29, 2022 12:00 - 11 minutes - 5.52 MBOne of the questions I get repeatedly: "Is 24/7 right for me?" It's an easy answer, once you have all the moving parts in place: Definitions, Negotiations, Expectations
How open are you in your communication? How open should you be?
June 27, 2022 12:00 - 14 minutes - 7.01 MBAre you open enough? Are you authentic with your words and feelings? Do you offer what you need to offer to make your priorities happen?
The problem with positivity...
June 24, 2022 12:00 - 10 minutes - 5.04 MBHumans are at their best when they experience a wide range of emotions in life. O'erweening positivity can deny the validity of many not-so-positive emotions and minimize the human experience.
What is your communication style?
June 22, 2022 12:00 - 11 minutes - 5.41 MBIf we have different best ways of learning, perhaps we have different best ways of receiving information from others that are similar.
Do men need to love women more?
June 20, 2022 12:00 - 9 minutes - 4.21 MBI'm not sure I have ever really been as deep in the trenches of the men versus women war as I was on this day.
What are the (kinky) odds?
June 17, 2022 12:00 - 6 minutes - 2.97 MBTrying to find that vanilla love (which is a multi-billion dollar industry) and on top of that, adding in the extra desires (needs) of kink and it's 31 (31,000?) flavors can be pretty daunting.
Throwback Thursday: For Those Who Stand Up After Trauma...
June 16, 2022 18:00 - 10 minutes - 4.82 MBIn January of 2016, I wrote about recovering from trauma, and I sometimes go back to that writing that I did for someone else to help them—to help myself.
I learned something from Johnny Depp's Trial! (aka, The 3 Necessary Stages of Trauma Recovery)
June 15, 2022 12:00 - 15 minutes - 7.24 MBThis clip made it all so clear to me: the 3 stages of working through trauma.
What are you trying to get out of this conversation?
June 13, 2022 12:05 - 12 minutesWhat you want in this moment from this conversation will make a HUGE difference in how and what you communicate.
When "No" doesn't mean "No."
June 10, 2022 11:59 - 15 minutesYOUR "No" is allowed to mean anything you want it to. "Banana" can mean no. Or yes. Or "remember that time that we were at the zoo, and that money made a rude gesture with it's banana?"
What is realistic to want in a relationship?
June 08, 2022 12:00 - 9 minutesA lot of dating advice says something like, "Be realistic in your expectations," and they are right. Not RIGHT, but right.
No, consent does not mean it's not bad for you.
June 06, 2022 12:27 - 13 minutes"Do you think consent equates to no harm?" Obviously not. People say there are no stupid questions. But there are. This is one of them.
Can you "break" yourself masturbating?
June 03, 2022 12:00 - 7 minutesHave you heard yet about "dead vagina syndrome?"
Your Ex: Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde? Actually, It's You AND Them.
June 02, 2022 18:00 - 10 minutesIt's always fascinating when someone writes about how awesome their lover is when they are together and just trash them once the relationship ends. Were they dating two different people?
I don't do newbies.
June 01, 2022 12:00 - 11 minutes"Go learn and do your own emotional labor before trying to involve me. I don't have the patience to date you and be your poly sherpa. Pick one! Lol"
Communication is a TOOL. Not a solution.
May 30, 2022 13:25 - 12 minutesCommunication only works positively if people WANT to work together.
Reward what you want in your life.
May 27, 2022 12:00 - 11 minutesA simple and brilliant strategy: Reward what you want in your life. Ignore or do not reward what you don't want in your life.
Communication Is NOT The Most Important Part Of A Relationship—Kinky Or Otherwise
May 26, 2022 18:00 - 9 minutesCommunication is NOT enough. You need this, too.
What does "No" mean?
May 25, 2022 12:00 - 8 minutes"No" does not mean "ask me why and argue with me about the validity of my decision."
What is Brenett's Law?* (Hint: It's about where the power lies in relationships.)
May 23, 2022 12:20 - 8 minutesDo you think that any specific gender has innate power over another?
Are you a mind reader?
May 20, 2022 12:00 - 12 minutesPeople who believe you can read minds, often believe that they can, too.
You ARE Worthy...
May 19, 2022 18:00 - 7 minutesSome people will tell you that you’re not and you need to change to be worthy. I disagree with this.
Trust is 99% this...
May 18, 2022 12:00 - 8 minutesI've realized that the TRUST is not about them. It was never about them.
Foreplay and aftercare are far more than they seem (to me).
May 16, 2022 12:00 - 8 minutesTo me, they are so much more than some time before and after sex/kink/play.
I am not your 'safe' friend.
May 13, 2022 12:00 - 7 minutesI don't want to be everyone's safe space. I can't. I don't have the energy, and frankly, that's not my priority.
Throwback: Unconditional Relationships? *cough cough* BULLSHIT!
May 12, 2022 18:00 - 15 minutesOver the years, I've had a lot of feels about the idea of "unconditional." Here are a few from years previous.
Fear biters (no, not the sexy kind of bite!)
May 11, 2022 12:00 - 9 minutesFearful people will seem fine until they are not, often seeming to change instantly from smiling and sweet to biting and snapping.
Unpopular Opinion: I don't believe in unconditional love.
May 09, 2022 12:00 - 6 minutesI don't want to know that I made you feel love for me yesterday or 13 days ago, or on your birthday last year, but that you love me now, today.
Are FemDoms required to take on more emotional labor than dominants of other genders?
May 06, 2022 12:00 - 13 minutesQuick answer: No. But they often do, and it's pretty much sort of expected of them.
"What's Wrong?" "Nothing." "Ok."
May 05, 2022 18:00 - 17 minutesIf someone says nothing is wrong when you ask, believe them (or act like you do). They have a right to their mental privacy.
Stuck in crisis? Journaling may be an answer.
May 04, 2022 12:00 - 9 minutesI start out with a question, usually 'How am I feeling?' and the date. Then, I answer the question.
Do what works.
May 02, 2022 12:00 - 8 minutesI don't preach nonmonogamy (although I sometimes want to). In fact, I've said it before, poly or nonmonogamy are not for everyone.