Daddio Patio

DP128 - Foreskin Bodybag

Kermit the Frog here

DP127 - Take My Breath Away

Channel 9 Locker Room

DP126 - Tiny Alien

After a few months we're back. Anyway what would you paint on your pirate ship? 

DP125 - Don't Wake Danny

We closed out 2022 with Daddio Patio's Green Ranger Dan Goedeker. Sleepy hats, Sega Saturn, and Jared Fogle's fat jeans. What does it all mean?

DP124 - Gravy

Thanks a million for nothin'. 

DP Bonus - P.D.F.A.

We were out in New England with no recording equipment, so we did it the old fashioned way. In the cold New Hampshire rain, we talked about Dunkin Donuts and a few other sociopathic topics. Congrats to our buddy Cobra. We love you. Is this episode listenable? You decide. 

DP123 - Blaberus Giganteus🪳

Is intelligence a winning evolutionary trait? Obviously not, because it took them so long to add a backlight to the Game Boy Color. This week, we're joined by friend and bug expert Chippy. He also brought a giant jungle cockroach and left the lid off of the cage the entire time. Chippy brought some much needed scientific knowledge to the show, anyway what if you could use your ass hair as a weapon in Goldeneye 64? From meatspin to decoding the human genome, this is an episode for the ages. T...

DP122 - ☀️ The Circle of Life 🦧

A long drive with a lot to think about, joined this week by our buddy Phil. Enjoy.

DD#89 - McDAVIS WITH CHEESE

Battle Bots & Botulism. 

DADDIO DUNGEON - #87 Mummy Sandwich

We found this episode in King Tut's tomb and dusted it off for the internet. 

DP121 - Fish Happen 🍣

We really went off the deep end with this one. What's it like to be eaten by a shark? Why are the hammerhead's eyes so far apart? If you give an Amish person a GameBoy Color will they ever go back to churning butter? All this and more. 

DADDIO DUNGEON - #81 - Stone Age Disco Weiner

Another classic dusted off from the archives for your enjoyment.

DP120 - Medieval Pizziola

Here's an episode where 4 subhumans gather in the morning sun and wish they lived in a simpler time - a time when mana, magic, spells, and dragons were everywhere. Was any of that real, or were people just stupid back then? Was life simple and beautiful, or just s h i t t y ? Anyway it's time we revealed John Hammond's true agenda. 

DP BONUS: HB4 - Crave Case

The 4th installment of the late nite call series "Help the Bear". This time around Peach searches for something he's lost, and Andy keeps a Bob Dylan joke going way too long, like a rolling stone. How does it feel?

DP119 - Brotherhood

This one ain't for the faint of heart. We're talkin' about boogers, wedgies, nipple twists, and all of the other cruel and unusual punshment that older brothers inflict on their younger brothers. This one was 9 years in the making, Lance's little brother finally joins us to defend himself after all of the stories Lance has told over the years. We also briefly mention the philosophical value of comedy, or something like that. Anyway remember when they threw Joe Pesci's whitie tightie wearing ...

DP118 - Guacamole Goalie

Hey remember when we had those snow days? We recorded an episode from the comfort of our homes, but never released it. Now that it's snowing again it seems appropriate. We had dogs growlin and cats howlin but we were still able to talk about some of the classics. Orthodontic scams, Joe Pesci, PB&J's and apes. Catch a fuckin snowflake on your tongue. 

DADDIO DUNGEON - #68 - Sports & Agreements

This Daddio Patio classic will have you pumped for the big game. 

DP117 - 🥊 ROCKY 2 🥊

What more needs to be said?   - All credit where it's due.

DP116 - Homicron Alonicron

Hey here's a fact that might melt your face off like Raiders of the Lost Arc - Fatbody joined us for this digital episode. That's right, although we couldn't be together in person, we used the power of the internet to connect and talk about extracting oil from George Lucas' neck. Join us, drink from the empty glass, smoke a bit of the future, kick back, put on a diaper, have some fun. It's just the apocalypse.

DP115 - 🌪Tornado Kiosk🌪

We jumped the shark years ago. Does it even matter what we talk about anymore? Anyway we kind of recap 2021. This episode is remote, right back where we started, from the comfort of our own homes, with the virus swirling around outside (and inside 40% of the hosts). Anyway, we hope you jump right on into 2022 with our dumb podcast in your airpods. See ya there. 

DP BONUS - Help The Bear 3: Prime Meridian

In another late night phone call, Peach and Andy discuss high scores, Rocky 5, Kiosks, shoes, and pens. We may have crossed the line this time, but did anyone ever stop to ask why that line is there? What's the line called? Anyway Rocky 5 sucked. 

DP114 - Grandma's Last Picture

Tony Soprano had his head transplanted onto a robot mantis body at the end of The Sopranos. We’re not sorry for spoiling that, it should be common knowledge by now.  Hey, we’re back with 4/5 original cast members, but still 5 boys. Remember the school picnic? The same salt & pepper shaker ride ran for at least 50 years with 0 maintenance. Is unsupervised fun a thing of the past like those little glass carnival prize pictures? Also, isn’t it crazy how you can go into a thrift store and buy ...

DP BONUS - Help The Bear 2

In the spirit of holiday generosity, here's a bonus installment of our late nite call series "Help the Bear". This time Peach & Andy talk about Nu Metal, Walnuts, Basketball Arcades, and gas station products. Nothin' special, just some buds having a BS session. You're welcome!

DP113 - 🪵 Butlers Gone Feral 🪵

Hey MFers we're back. Do you remember that Daddio Patio was almost named jail? Well those criminals do, they were forced to listen to it. This time we talk about all kindsa ridiculousness. Mark Zuck or whatever wants to make the multiverse? A laughing sickness in Japan? VR mass shootings? Will Collin make it to his final destination? Oh also please buy our latest product from the late night TV ad. You won't want to miss this one, order now and get the double VHS set of Butlers Gone Feral.

DP112 - Live Your Gimmick -- AGAIN

It's finally here, the moment you've all been waiting for: THE SEQUEL TO THE CHICAGO WRASSLIN ROAD TRIP EPISODE. That's right, after all the isolation, Peach & Andy get back on the road to pick up where the left off. Caffiene induced anxiety? you got it. Country Fried steak from Cracker Barrel? Of course! Advertisements? You bet your freakin Alanis Morisette CD we got em.    This episode is recorded on the road, by the road, for the road, and in the damn road. Please excuse our dear au...

DP BONUS - HELP THE BEAR

On a late night phone call, Peach & Andy ask the important questions. What's the deal with unicycles? What do the different colors of Nike Air Monarchs mean? Why can't those pesky priests just stop molesting kids? How come gratuitous violence can be seen on regular tv, but female nipples are censored? Is it possible to be a successful adult in America without being a total hypocrite? They also recap some of the most memorable super bowl performances. All this and more on this late nite bonus...

DP111 - Between the Foot & the Flop🩴

We're back. That's right, the first official episode of 2021 - it only took us 7 months. You thought we grew out of ass & sack jokes? NO! We grew IN to the show. This episode was recorded on an actual patio, with a couple of actual dads. We earned this. Anyway, we ask a few burning questions. What if George Costanza never went bald? Why did Lance kill so many lightning bugs? Why did God see it fit to take John Denver from this world? DID BUTTERFREE HAVE SHOES ON?? Also, Peach recounts his ...

DP110 - Neck Store Next Door

Not to be a dungeon of pessimism, but 2020 sucked. We never meant to cause you any sorrow, we never meant to cause you any pain. The Daddios put one more masked episode in the books for this shitty year. This is the funniest, most carefree episode we've done in a long time. All of your favorite DP topics are covered: snacks, strange addictions, Lance abusing his little brother, public pools, sandwiches, janitors, video games, and everything else your calloused little 2020 heart yearns for.  ...

DP109 - 🥛 Hole Milk 🕳

With a slight lifting of the psychological weight, the Daddios come back in a glorious return to form. This episode has all of the absurdity, philosophy, nostalgia, animal discussions, and bullshit that you've come to expect from your esteemed hosts. Of course, we're still masked in the dark basement.  Speaking of psychological weight, being an educator must be very difficult. It's a damn shame that most educators are not paid accordingly. I mean, they're only responsible for a whole gener...

DP108 - What is Revenge?

By popular demand, the demon has been vanquished. Hey, we never set out to talk politics on this podcast, but it's been pretty hard to ignore over the last 4 years. I mean, a reality tv show guy who is painted up like a fucking insecure idiot has been actively undermining democracy at every turn, while shouting thinly-veiled racist, sexist, and bigoted language to applauding crows of lost souls. Kinda weird, right? Hey, if you supported T**mp, that's really fucking stupid (and shitty), but...

DP107 - Bloomin' Onion

We're still in this damn pandemic, so the boys had another masked conversation in the basement. This week, we were sans Sant. Collin was not physically present, but still made an appearance. The Swan King actually flew over the pond to join us.  Hey what the hell is sauce? I mean we know what it is but what's the origin story? What was the first sauce? Also, how do Cool Ranch Doritos look under a microscope? Has society gone past sincerity on the internet? Is there any purpose in stating h...

DP 106 - Get Rich or Die Crying

Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy’s basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That’s right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Dadd...

DP106 - Get Rich or Die Crying

Once again, The Daddios took refuge from 2020 in Andy’s basement. They found little comfort, as they were instantly reminded of the house centipede infestation down there in the darkness. They had to talk about the current state of things - masks, the clown dictator, bugs, global pandemic, etc. Seems all bad right? Wrong! At the time of recording Lancey Boy was on the precipice of validating the title of the show -- That’s right, becoming a DAD! The first of The Daddios to become a real Dadd...

DP105 - God & The Devil Shake Hands

Some people are lucky enough to exit this world in a painless, non-memorable way. Some people decide to have a JO session in the closet while choking themselves. Will they get off or pay the ultimate price? Check the front page of the newspaper in Thailand to find out, it might spoil the ending of Kill Bill for you though. The thing is, it’s hard to overshadow death by auto-erotic asphyxiation, or whatever it’s called. Didn’t that happen in the movie “World’s Greatest Dad”? Idk, we can’t rem...

DP104 - Forrest Gump 2

Forrest Gump 2 Haley Joel Osmond stars as a simple man navigating the complexities of 2020 America. JK they should never make a sequel to Forrest Gump, it was the best movie ever made and 10/10 rational individuals agree.  Oh, yeah, we also tackle some heavy topics on this episode, many of which we are not the best voice on because we are 4 white dudes in a basement. Namely, police brutality, systemic racism, slavery, incarceration, and other cruel, racist bullshit that humanity does. We...

DP103 - ☀️ Thank the Sun for Everything it Done 🙏

This is a long one, but hey, you probably have some time. As you may know, we have a new studio, and our episodes sound great now! Too bad we can’t use the studio at the moment. This time we met on Zoom, and did our best to deliver whatever it is that you people want from us. This time around we were reminded that sanity rests on a thin line. How many steps removed are you from painting your walls with your own shit? Lance is almost there, but he's not gonna use his bare hands like a savag...

DP102 - Mummy Mommy Money

Recorded Sunday March 22 2020. Daddio Patio is not partisan or political — but we are committed to the search for truth.  First of all, during this constantly changing situation, please consult experts and reliable sources for the truth and up-to-date information regarding the pandemic. we are doing our best not to contribute to the spread of misinformation, but we also needed to talk to each other about things we have heard or read. DO NOT LISTEN TO THE PRESIDENT, he is full of shit, an...

DP 101 ?? -- 💀The Show Must Respawn🔥

Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart.  Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to ...

DP 101 ?? -- 💀The Show Must Respawn🔥

Is this an episode? Is it not? Who knows. We do know that the Mummy Ride at Universal Studios is scary. We also know that Stryker was easily the worst Mortal Kombat character. Stryker was the ancestor to Paul Blart.  Anyway this episode comes to you from our new spooky basement studio, we are still working out the kinks and getting the sound right, so bear with us. If you know anything about Daddio Patio, you know that we don’t know what we are doing. We genuinely thought we were going to ...

🗣 DP ANNOUNCEMENT 🤯

Andy lays it all out there, bare and shining for the world to see. Lance gives a stranger the Mandible Claw, Dr. Sant chimes in from isolation, Peach draws a line in the sand with your blood, and Collin wears a tux tighter than an Elvis impersonator.     WE GOT SOMETHIN TO SAY

DP100 - Underground Wet Cowboys

If you’ve never listened to Daddio Patio, don’t start now, this is very likely our last episode. We tuned up the band for this one and played all the hits. From public restroom humor, to philosophical questions, to observations about the modern world, to raw and unfiltered honesty, we did it all, all over again. Hey, is an above-ground pool really a pool, or is it a tub? Does it have to be in the ground to be a pool? We also did something we rarely do, we broke the 4th wall and talked about ...

DP99 (Part 2) - ✨ Under the Stars ✨

As promised here’s part 2 of episode 99. Again, there are a lot of life events covered in this one. Every member of the original cast makes an appearance, along with many of our prized guests and loved ones. Lance goes from boy to man in this very episode! This episode slowly devolves as insanity and substances take over our minds and conversations. The grand irony of covering our real lives, and life events, is that this episode lands right back where we started, all the way back in 2013— s...

DP99 (Part 1) - Live Your Gimmick

This time on daddio patio we cut our lives in two pieces. This was our last resort. With our show’s hosts scattering in the wind, and life events all the time, we decided to take the show on the road. Whether or not you know us personally, this episode is a montage of a few recent life events. Big Peachy Sosa had a birthday, so the first episode covers Andy and Peach living their wrestling fan gimmick lifestyle, and driving to Chicago to see wrestling shows all weekend. Collin, Dr. Sant, and...

DP98 - Turtleneck Waddle Holy Hands

This week the boys gather early in the morning to fill their holes with coffee. They try to sell you on the Apple ecosystem and all of the goofy tech stuff you can do with it. Hey, you ever notice how tech bros have the absolute worst style? Yet they are leading the changes in humanity. Should we really trust people who can't dress themselves with any taste? Anyway, we send Dr. Sant off to the mountains in the way he would have wanted it, unceremoniously.  All of this nonsense and more on ...

DP97 - Golden Guillotine

We're havin' a kick ass summer, and we hope you are too! Hey, did you know that July of 2019 was the hottest month on record, ever? Like, in all of recorded history. Good thing we have leaders that are intelligent and doing something about it. Fuck those demons.    Also, if you like nerd stuff, or nostalgia for your childhood, this episode is for you. Our regular guest Schleicher joins us, along with Skull. Skull has recently started collecting and selling old video games, you can follow...

DP96 - Pale Pancakes 👵🏻

DP95 - Robot Peehole

Stupidity -- we can all be stupid in different ways, we all have our shortcomings. Stupidity has no specific brand, especially in this political climate. Dumbasses on the left and right can’t stop arguing while we all have to deal with a dumbass that dumbasses elected. What’s there to do? believe Alex Jones conspiracy theories or try to out-liberal everyone on social media? Both of those options sound fuckin' stupid.  Maybe it’s time to give it all over to the robot overlords, but wait, ...

DP94 - ¡ bAcK oN tHiS !

An 80's movie with an unfortunate mishap, starring Robin Williams. This week we go way back, way before 23 and me DNA tests.  

DP93 - Watching the Wheels

People say we’re crazy, doin what we’re doin, but we’re back. This week, we recorded a daytime episode. Drinking coffee, staring out the window at the Cardinals playing in the midwestern snow, we couldn’t help but wonder. Do people = shit like Slipknot said? Or can we as humans aspire to whatever John Lennon imagined? Was John Lennon also a piece of shit? Is it really this simple, people being good & bad? Does a person ever reach a point at which they are completely beyond redemption? Social...

DP92 - Eloquent Cowboys & Passive-Aggressive Pirates

This week, sans van sant & joined by Anisa, the daddios discuss what's cool. How do we determine what's cool anyway? Why do we have all of these temperature adjectives for how we feel about things? The paradox of being cool, is the more that you want to be cool, the less cool you are. What accessories and gimmicks make you cool? Scars, eye patch, tiny bird, peg leg... pirates have all the gimmicks, but they're still less cool than cowboys. How can cowboys be so cool when the words "cow" and ...