Not Aspirational with Hannah Brown
221 episodes - English - Latest episode: about 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 254 ratingsA podcast that celebrates our favorite reality tv shows, the not aspirational people on them, and the not aspirational moments in our own lives; the moments that make us laugh, make us flawed, and make us human. From her reality tv recaps featuring snarky commentary and supreme impressions, to chats with friends and idols, and yeah, the occasional rant about junior high trauma or an absurd pop culture deep cut, Hannah is witty, forthright, and deliciously polarizing.
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Episodes
An LA Check-in with Eric Himel
November 07, 2019 03:27 - 51 minutes - 71.1 MBIn a cleansed, post-closet purge state of mind, Hannah is joined by her fabulous pal celebrity stylist (and supremely witty member of the Fashion Police for Us Weekly!) Eric Himel to do a wellness check on Hannah’s time living in LA thus far. They chat about fashion dos and don’ts, getting to a zen state of bitchiness, and how to have an LA glow up no matter where you live or what your budget! Enjoy!
"Hocus Pocus", Candles, and Adam Salandra
November 01, 2019 05:00 - 58 minutes - 80.9 MBHannah is joined by hilarious entertainment journalist, cannibis connoisseur and pal Adam Salandra to discuss the iconic Halloween film "Hocus Pocus"! They discuss Hocus Pocus trivia, their Leo/Sarah Sanderson energy, and their childhood attraction to Thackery Binx as both a cat and as a human! Listen now, rate, review, and ENJOY!
“The Sixth Sense”, Ghost Stories, and Kym Kral
October 25, 2019 05:00 - 52 minutes - 72.4 MBHannah and gorgeous actress, writer and comedian Kym Kral chat about the bone chilling and iconic ghost flick “The Sixth Sense”! They spook themselves with tales of their own paranormal experiences, discuss which ghosts from the movie still haunt them to this day, and yes, they celebrate Mischa Barton in her young, puking, ghostly glory!
"Scream" with Becky Habersberger
October 18, 2019 05:00 - 51 minutes - 70.9 MBHannah and gal pal/influencer/horror movie fan Becky Habersberger celebrate the iconic 1996 slasher "Scream"! They go in on how Skeet Ulrich is hot but also poor man's Johnny Depp, where Drew Barrymore went horribly wrong at the start of this film, what their favorite scary movies are, and much more!
Hannah Complains.
October 17, 2019 05:00 - 37 minutes - 51.5 MBIn this bonus episode, Hannah takes the opportunity to rant about some things that have been bugging her like, really a lot lately. This is what happens when you're "too busy" to observe Yom Kippur. Apologies in advance to anyone who's had a wedding, cut a line, Colbie Caillat, and P!NK.
A Fall Haul and "It Follows" with Leo Kidd!
October 11, 2019 04:41 - 55 minutes - 76.2 MBHannah and her bestie musician Leo Kidd cozy up to discuss what they love about fall (basic.) and to discuss David Robert Mitchell's cinematic masterpiece "It Follows"! They chat about how to create the perfect Halloween ambience, what they love about the film, AND who they'd risk being followed by a murderous sexually transmitted monster for. Spooky! Listen now, and don't forget to rate and review Brown-Eyed Jewnicorn on itunes!
When you walk into a dinner party, do you greet the host?
October 04, 2019 05:00 - 37 minutes - 50.9 MBIn the first episode of the Brown-Eyed Jewnicorn October Spooktacular, Hannah recaps season 10 episode 1 of RHONY: Ghouls Just Wanna Have Fun! She goes in on her aspirations to move in with Dorinda in the Berkshires, tells a harrowing college tale about crying into scones, STRUGGLES with her Bethenny and Carole impressions, and tests out an autumnal pumpkin beer! Listen now, head to itunes to rate, review and subscribe!
A Tale of 2 Bens
September 27, 2019 12:35 - 1 hour - 83.4 MBHannah is joined by Ben Mandelker, the handsome and hilarious host of "Watch What Crappens" and genius behind the Youtube series "The Real Housewares of Kitchen Island"! They chat about early 2000's pop culture, and Ben tells the amazing story of his personal experience with the cast of The OC! Expect witty banter, inside scoop, and a Shawn Hunter reference or two.
TOO F***IN' HAHT!
September 20, 2019 04:33 - 46 minutes - 63.4 MBHannah recounts her recent trip to Napa, her iconic experience at Danny Pellegrino's Everything Iconic live show, and weighs in on Caroline Calloway, Lala vs. Fofty, self care, why Autumn is the best and Summer is the worst, AND the Bachelor in Paradise finale! In short: This is a 45 minute rant. Enjoy!
The Hills Finale: A Play in Two Acts
September 16, 2019 00:48 - 1 hour - 163 MBHannah is joined by TWO of her pals Lily Comeau and Ryan Bailey to recap this finale extravaganza! TONS to unpack here, so relax, enjoy, and get ready for a Dickie Roberts reference, lots of impressions, our takes on that whole Kaitlynn vs. Ashley situation, and so much more! Make sure to head to patreon.come/browneyedjewnicorn for Pretty Wild bonus episodes! Part 2 begins at: 56:30
Self Confidence, Kermit Clay, and Prey Swim!
September 06, 2019 05:00 - 36 minutes - 49.8 MBHannah talks about her recent battle with social/career anxiety and self confidence, gives her thoughts on Bachelor in Paradise (Nicole and Kermit Clay need to GO AWAY.), and recaps this week's episode of The Hills where Adrian relaunches her sexy swim line! Listen now and don't forget to rate, review, and head to patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for Pretty Wild recaps. Love you thank you.
A Palette Cleanser: The City Episode 1 Recap!
August 30, 2019 05:00 - 36 minutes - 50 MBNo new episode of The Hills this week? NO PROBLEM! Hannah dives into the first episode of Whitney Port's 2008 spinoff The City to talk about her recent East Coast state of mind, her fondness for early 2000's fashion, and does a pretty impeccable impression of Whitney's ex/Australian hunk Jay! Listen now, and make sure to head to patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for bonus content! Ilysm!
"The headbands were a good choice."
August 23, 2019 12:12 - 31 minutes - 44 MBHannah recaps Speidi's bachelor and bachelorette parties on this week's episode of The Hills: New Beginnings! She also weighs in on the loss of our favorite RHONY Skinnygirl, Bethenny Frankel, as well as tells a dark fashion/wedding-related tale from her past. Rate, review, subscribe, and check out patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for TWO new episodes coming at you!
The Renaissance of Ryan Cabrera.
August 16, 2019 23:28 - 40 minutes - 55.7 MBHannah talks Southern Charm Finale, Bachelor in Paradise, her psychotic spiral in a recent fight with bae, AND that steamy new Calvin Klein ad. Then of course, she recaps the most recent episode of The Hills: New Beginnings! Listen, subscribe, review, rate five stars, and make sure to check out Patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for bonus content!
TAKING IT ALL FOR US
August 09, 2019 05:00 - 46 minutes - 64 MBHannah casually sh*ts herself and fangirls over Euphoria (WE DON'T DESERVE HUNTER SCHAFER), gives her takes on the Caelynn/Blake/Kristina/whoever the f*** else love hexagon on Bachelor In Paradise, and recaps the Thanksgiving spectacular that was this week's episode of The Hills: New Beginnings. Listen, rate, review, subscribe, and make sure to head to Patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for bonus content!
"You did not work for me, you were on a reality show."
August 02, 2019 05:00 - 1 hour - 94.7 MBThis week, Hannah is joined by hilarious comedian and host of the hit podcast "What's Your Jersey?" Jaclyn Marfuggi to recap episode 6 of The Hills: New Beginnings! A couple glasses of wine in, the gals giggle over Steph's recent run-in with arch nemesis Kelly Cutrone, Mischa's acting renaissance, why the cast of The Jersey Shore could teach the cast of The Hills a thing or two and much much more! Listen now, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, AND check out Jaclyn's podcast "What's Y...
"Jesus Still Loves Me."
August 01, 2019 05:00 - 45 minutes - 62.7 MBHannah and her bestie/neighbor JD Barton discuss the INCREDIBLY LIFEGIVING finale of The Bachelorette! They celebrate their kween Hannah Brown #2, GO IN ON Jed and Luke P, give their ~steamy~ opinions and predictions for BIP, and SO MUCH MORE. Listen now!
FIRED UP!
July 26, 2019 05:00 - 39 minutes - 54.9 MBHannah recaps episode 5 of The Hills: New Beginnings! She talks about the Godfather-esque beaten dead horse that is the Justin/Adrian/Steph love triangle, reminisces on her own dark love triangle (er... hexagon?) from an old serving job (she was the Adrian!), AND introduces the new breakout star of The Hills: The Malibu fires. Listen now, don't forget to rate, review and subscribe, AND head to patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for bonus content!
Jellicle Cats and Crystal Healers!
July 19, 2019 05:00 - 38 minutes - 53.4 MBInspired by the new trailer, Hannah tells the harrowing tale of her high school's production of "Cats" and how she was GROSSLY underutilized! She then recaps this week's episode of The Hills: New Beginnings! She touches on why an open bar is always a good idea, why she can't take Brody Jenner seriously as a DJ (or at all), and why she empathizes with Adrian! Listen now, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!
STEPH, need I bring up the RECEIPTS?!
July 16, 2019 05:00 - 38 minutes - 53.2 MBIn this episode of Brown-Eyed Jewnicorn, Hannah recaps episode 3 of The Hills: New Beginnings. She weighs in on the Steph/Justin/Adrian love triangle (justice for Adrian and her receipts), celebrates the ultimate couple goals of Heidi and Spencer Pratt, and shades all men who ask women on dates to Dave & Buster's. To further support Brown-Eyed Jewnicorn, make sure to check out the Patreon at patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn !
Adrian and Perez and Brandon Lee and Billie Eilish!
July 09, 2019 05:00 - 38 minutes - 52.7 MBThis week on the pod, Hannah recaps the second episode of The Hills: New Beginnings! She talks about the supposed "love triangle" between Steph, JustinBobby and Audrina AKA Adrian, her crush on Ashley Wahler, and also goes in on why the 4th of July and Midsommar are the worst because why not?! Listen now, and don't forget to rate review and subscribe!
The Hills Premiere Episode Recap!
July 02, 2019 05:00 - 37 minutes - 51.1 MBHannah is solo this week and recapping the first episode of The Hills: New Beginnings! She stans Spencer and Heidi hard, gives you her best Mischa Barton impression, and (for no reason in particular) tells the epic tale of her very first spray tan in 8th grade! Listen now, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe! PS Check out patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for access to exclusive bonus content.
Joe Gunn & Hannah & Amanda & Iris
June 25, 2019 05:00 - 50 minutes - 69.7 MBHannah Brown and hilarious iconic Instagram celeb/meme genius Joe Gunn become long distance besties over their favorite pop culture topics! The decide which Vanderpump Rules cast member would be best in a one-person show, their goopy opinions on kween Gwyneth, The Holiday ("home exchange..."), and much more! Listen now, rate, review and subscribe, and make sure to check Joe out on the new Patreon page to recap episode two of Pretty Wild at patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn !
HELP HER
June 18, 2019 05:00 - 26 minutes - 37.2 MBHannah is solo this week and doing her gd best! She spills her thoughts on wedding footwear, children at Target, and pop culture events such as Taylor Swift's new video and that wild dinner from last week's episode of RHONY! Listen now, and don't forget to rate, review, subscribe, and head to patreon.com/browneyedjewnicorn for more bonus content!
"ON THE BRIM" With Danny Pellegrino!
June 11, 2019 05:00 - 51 minutes - 70.4 MBHannah is joined by her hilarious handsome pal Danny Pellegrino, host of the hit podcast "Everything Iconic with Danny Pellegrino" to catch up on pop culture and tell thrilling tales from their own lives. They touch on Brit's Miami bachelorette party, Danny tells the legendary tale of how he became friends with queen Bonnie Hunt, and Hannah comes for Olivia Culpo for a VERY specific reason! Listen now, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!
Life Updates and a Pop Culture Roundup!
June 05, 2019 05:00 - 39 minutes - 54.2 MBHannah is solo this week and updates you on her continued journey with her intention candles, her experience on dating apps (aka "the swipies"), and gives you all her betchy thoughts on RHONY, RHOBH, Southern Charm, Summer House, and The Bachelorette! Enjoy, and don't forget to declare your allegiance to THE ONLY HANNAH BROWN THAT MATTERS by rating, reviewing and subscribing to the pod! xoxo
Hats, Abby and Brittany, and Annabelle!
May 28, 2019 14:35 - 48 minutes - 66.4 MBHannah and her gorgeous hilarious bestie Annabelle Desisto (host of the hit podcast Adderall and Compliments!) discuss their violent aggression towards splitting entrees, talk all things Southern Charm, have an extensive conversation about hats, and SO MUCH MORE! LISTEN NOW!
2 Pilots, 1 Cup
May 21, 2019 12:28 - 49 minutes - 67.7 MBHannah and her love and neighbor JD Barton discuss the season premiere of The Bachelorette! They share their predictions for the season, opinions of the "men" on the show, and delve into their theory as to why Chicago men are the worst. Listen now!
Coming of Age Series: Stand By Me
May 14, 2019 05:00 - 48 minutes - 66.9 MBIn the final episode of the Coming of Age Series, Hannah is joined by pal Ryan Bailey of the hit podcast "Realizing Stuff with Kara & Ryan" to discuss the iconic eighties flick "Stand By Me". They talk about their relationship to the film, the absolute prince that is River Phoenix, why it pays to be a weirdo as a kid, and recount experiences from their own childhoods, including but not limited to when Ryan worked at Blockbuster and Hannah worked at a movie theatre!
"You Gotta Problem?"
May 07, 2019 05:00 - 23 minutes - 31.8 MBIn this impromptu palette cleanser, Hannah is solo (with lots of input from her cat Lillian in the background and many cold brew breaks!) to update you on her life. She tells stories of her terrifying childhood music teacher from Hebrew school, her lucky streak, her epic night at Countess and Friends, and the hilariously bad tale of her Freshman year homecoming. Next week we continue the Coming of Age Series with Stand By Me, and you don't wanna miss it! Also don't forget to rate, review and ...
Coming of Age Series: Now & Then
April 30, 2019 05:00 - 56 minutes - 77.5 MBIn the second episode of the Coming of Age Series, Hannah is joined by her hilarious big sister Alex to break down their favorite childhood film Now & Then! They discuss the iconic soundtrack, relive their childhood obsession with Scott Wormer and whether or not they could see his “thing”, and decide which of the girls they identify with most! Listen now! *Also apologies for the sound of wine pouring throughout the episode. It’s because adult Chrissy bullied Hannah into not keeping hard liq...
Coming of Age Series: The Sandlot
April 23, 2019 05:00 - 1 hour - 85.1 MBIn the first episode of the three-episode Coming of Age Series, Hannah and her childhood BFF Maggie Grossman discuss the hilarious romp that is The Sandlot! They talk all about their relationship to this iconic, nostalgic film, celebrate 12-year old hottie "Benny 'The Jet' Rodriguez", and even reflect on their own Sandlot-esque stories from summers past!
John Hughes Movies and High School Nostalgia
April 16, 2019 05:00 - 1 hour - 82.8 MBHannah is joined by her hilarious buddy Joey Rudman, actor and co-host of the hit podcast "The Joey & Amanda Podcast"! With summer on the horizon, they tap into their second-semester high school nostalgia and unpack their favorite John Hughes films, paying huge homage to the Sausage King of Chicago Ferris Bueller. They also tell tales of their own high school experiences, and outline their ideal John Hughes-esque movie plots!
Live, Laugh, Lindsay.
April 09, 2019 05:00 - 50 minutes - 69.7 MBIn a wine-fueled haze, Hannah and pal Amanda Mcmorran talk about 2000's queen Lindsay Lohan. They cover The Parent Trap, Mean Girls, the Hilary Duff feud, Lohan Beach club and much, much more! Listen now, and don't forget to rate, review and subscribe!
Southern Charm Trailer Breakdown!
April 02, 2019 05:00 - 21 minutes - 30.1 MBHannah dives into the amazing new season trailer of Southern Charm! She gives her thoughts on Ashley and her feathered hat, Patricia's relationship to Mcdonald's, and Austin's new femmebot girlfriend. She also reveals her breathtaking artistic choices of who she'd cast in the Southern Charm movie (not in the episode but Steve Buscemi would play Whitney!).
Blair & Serena-ing with Chana Wilczynski!
March 27, 2019 05:00 - 1 hour - 86.3 MBHannah is joined by her quippy star best friend Chana to tell hilarious tales of their friendship. They talk about their run-in with Stranger Things hunk Joe Keery two years ago, their recent trip to Disneyland, and do their best impressions of Holly Hunter! Get cozy, pour yourself a glass of something and get ready to giggle.
One Hannah B's Trash is Another Hannah B's Treasure...
March 19, 2019 04:57 - 53 minutes - 74.2 MBHannah and her best pal and neighbor JD Barton go in on the season finale of The Bachelor! They discuss their favorite contestants, favorite moments, their thoughts on Hannah B. as the new bachelorette (even though the Hannah Brown who hosts this podcast is the only Hannah Brown who really matters), and MUCH MUCH MORE!
"HIIIII!"
March 12, 2019 06:06 - 28 minutes - 39 MBHannah dishes on her aspirational plans for her home and wardrobe (if she ever has money), her opinions on RHONY and Leaving Neverland, comes for men who text you all day with no follow through, and tells the story of both how she was inspired to tears by actress Alexandra Billings and how she met her all time idol DJ "Shangela" Pierce!
Jewnicorn State of the Union
March 05, 2019 06:00 - 20 minutes - 27.9 MBHannah takes this minisode to update you on her life, as well as weigh in on pop culture hot topics! She honors sweet sweet prince Luke Perry, talks about Jordyn vs. Tristan vs. Khloe, reveals her theory on why Danielle Staub has been engaged so many times, and much more!
A Chat with Paul Adelstein
February 26, 2019 06:00 - 1 hour - 91.3 MBHannah sits down with very talented very kind actor Paul Adelstein (I Feel Bad, Scandal, Private Practice, Prison Break, Girlfriend's Guide to Divorce, Imposters, Bedazzled) to discuss Chicago things, acting things, and pop culture things. He talks about his time working on hit tv shows, day jobs in the early days of his career, how his first band was formed, and tells tales about his iconic performance as Groomsman #1 in My Best Friend's Wedding. Listen now!
The time Annabelle Desisto made Hannah laugh so hard she spit out her La Croix.
February 19, 2019 06:00 - 1 hour - 84.1 MBHannah and ultimate comedy/hair goals queen Annabelle Desisto, host of the hit podcast "Adderall and Compliments", have an incredible pop culture bonding sesh. Spanning from Kim Richards' cameo in Black Snake Moan to why Annabelle makes a great wingwoman, to their thoughts on this season of RHONY's taglines, you do NOT want to miss it!
"Cornelius in the streets, Dimitri in the sheets" with Dana Schwartz
February 12, 2019 06:00 - 46 minutes - 64 MBThis week Hannah is joined by star writer and author Dana Schwartz (Entertainment Weekly, Twitter accounts @GuyinyourMFA and @DystopianYA, plus books "And We're Off" and "Choose Your Own Disaster" TO NAME A FEW!) to discuss the insanely dark Don Bluth 90's animated film "Thumbelina". The girls delve into the Don Bluth vs. Disney feud, the twisted inner workings of the movie's characters, and even reveal which Thumbelina suitors they'd kill, f***, and marry!
"Not a t-shirt catch phrase" with Oren Aks
February 05, 2019 06:00 - 46 minutes - 63.4 MBHannah chats with the lovely Oren Aks-- super rad graphic designer and breakout star of the hit Hulu documentary Fyre Fraud! They discuss life after Fyre, his exciting current projects, and their opinions on music festivals. Oren also graciously answers a series of dark, Fyre-themed survivalist questions! LISTEN NOW! (PS rate and review on itunes if you haven't yet k enjoy the ep ilysm.)
"Ohmygod you're LITERALLY me in boy form."
January 29, 2019 06:00 - 45 minutes - 62 MBHannah chats all things dating with Bravo star Albie Manzo, host of the hit podcast "Dear Albie"! As the hard-hitting journalists they are, they discuss why game-playing in dating is the worst, music during sex (or not), the time they were both dumped for religious reasons, and more!
We Need to Talk About Colton.
January 22, 2019 06:00 - 1 hour - 94.8 MBHannah and her fabulous friend JD Barton unpack The Bachelor! They talk about Colton's virginity (yawn.), Hannah's potential to be an AMAZING future Bachelor contestant, celebrate Corinne Olympios (#teamcorn) AND Quinn from Unreal, and reveal what they'd say if anyone dare ask them to make a toast in a hottub!
The Edge of Glory with Jaclyn Marfuggi
January 15, 2019 06:00 - 55 minutes - 76.9 MBIn this week's episode, Hannah has her FIRST guest of 2019! We are joined by the gorgeous and hilarious comic and actress Jaclyn Marfuggi, host of the hit podcast "What's Your Jersey?" to talk all things Lady Gaga! They discuss where to find the perfect meatballs, Jaclyn tells the story of the TWO times she ran into Mother Monster herself, and they pretty much become instant besties while they bond over their mutual love for pop culture (aka Britney Spears). You do NOT want to miss it!
Hannah's Holiday Tale
January 08, 2019 06:00 - 35 minutes - 48.8 MBIn this prerecorded episode, Hannah tells us about the highs and lows of the holiday season, makes a STRONG case for why she's "the people's podcaster", and hits some pop culture topics aka goes in on Danielle Staub's bunion and throws some love and light to her very first online troll!
Brown-Eyed Jewnicorn Holiday Spectacular: MAKING IT NICE with Allie Zisfein
December 25, 2018 06:00 - 47 minutes - 64.6 MBMERRY CHRISTMAS, SWEET UNICORNS! Hannah and fellow Jewnicorn/hilarious comic Allie Zisfein talk about one of the most iconic episodes of RHONY-- December: Berkshires County. They discuss team Bethenny vs. team Lu, celebrate vintage Carole, and entertain each other with their best housewives impressions!
Jewnicorn Holiday Spectacular: Festive, Fierce & Fun with Jenn Lower!
December 18, 2018 06:00 - 43 minutes - 59.1 MBHannah sits down with the gorgeous and lovely strength and nutrition coach Jenn Lower to discuss her story, pursuing the life you've always wanted, and tips and tricks to stay on your fitness grind during the holiday season. You do not want to miss it!
Jewnicorn Holiday Spectacular: The Holiday
December 11, 2018 06:00 - 43 minutes - 60.1 MBIn the first episode of her Jewnicorn Holiday Spectacular, Hannah and gal pal/actress Kelly Daly discuss one of their FAVE holiday rom-coms The Holiday! They discuss where they'd want to take a holiday, which leading man they'd rather date, Hannah regales us with her bad Ed Burns impression, and they celebrate their favorite cinematic geniuses: Jude Law's adorable British daughters from the movie. Tangents ensue. Mr Napkinhead forever.