Bible Beaters – Canada Comedy
348 episodes - English - Latest episode: 5 months ago - ★★★★ - 32 ratingsCanada's Comedy Podcast Network
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Episodes
Who Got Trolled Harder (Judges 1-2)
September 15, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 89 MBEP92 (Judges 1-2) Caleb is worried about government intervention in his relationship and has a negative interaction with hecklers at a show. Kyle remembers when he was good at hockey. God tries to help the Jews except their enemies have iron chariots which are too powerful. An angel shows up and tells all the Israelites... The post Who Got Trolled Harder (Judges 1-2) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Death of Joshua (Joshua 24-Judges 1)
September 08, 2019 21:52 - 1 hour - 80.1 MBEP91 (Joshua 24-Judges 1) Caleb provides a list of things about the bible that are demonstrability false. Once again god re ups on his previous covenant with more of the same. It follows the traditional format of bragging, warnings, blessings, curses and prophecy that things will eventually go to hell. Kyle is at his most... The post The Death of Joshua (Joshua 24-Judges 1) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Death of Joshua
September 08, 2019 21:52 - 1 hour - 80.1 MBEP91 The post The Death of Joshua appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Don’t Meet Your Heroes They’ll Call You Gay (Joshua 23-24)
September 03, 2019 00:29 - 1 hour - 97.1 MBEP90 (Joshua 23-24) Caleb and Kyle discuss email scams. Caleb has to go on a 9 hour drive while sick. We meander into the topics of consciousness and personal responsibility about we are too stupid to contribute meaningfully in any way. Joshua is getting old so he makes a big speech about how great god... The post Don’t Meet Your Heroes They’ll Call You Gay (Joshua 23-24) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Don’t Meet Your Heroes They’ll Call You Gay
September 03, 2019 00:29 - 1 hour - 97.1 MBEP90 The post Don’t Meet Your Heroes They’ll Call You Gay appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Misunderstandings
August 27, 2019 06:36 - 1 hour - 63.2 MBEP89 The post Misunderstandings appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Misunderstandings (Joshua 20-22)
August 27, 2019 06:36 - 1 hour - 63.2 MBEP89 (Joshua 20-22) Kyle has to fix his ex’s moms computer. Caleb recap’s his trip to Sweden (he even gets backstage with his favorite band). Kyle wets the couch. Caleb re reads and corrects last weeks podcast. Erstwhile, the Israelites continue their conquest into the promise land. To nobody’s surprise some of the tribes start... The post Misunderstandings (Joshua 20-22) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Stacy’s One True Son (Joshua 19-20)
August 19, 2019 20:29 - 1 hour - 75.7 MBEP88 (Joshua 19-20) A special edition bible beater podcast hosted by Simeon Campbell, the youngest and funniest of the Campbell clan. In this episode they discuss growing up in church, YWAM, crossing the line, preaching in church, dreams, puking in church, amongst all the other bullshit. Kyle is put off in a game of racist... The post Stacy’s One True Son (Joshua 19-20) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Stacy’s One True Son
August 19, 2019 20:29 - 1 hour - 75.7 MBEP88 The post Stacy’s One True Son appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Beyond Pussy (Joshua 19)
August 11, 2019 15:00 - 58 minutes - 55.5 MBEP87 (Joshua 19) We discuss the ethics of what could be done to meat grown in petri dishes. We talk about if hell is a fair punishment and what heaven would be like. We read a long list of names and places that nobody gives a fuck about. We get an email asking for a... The post Beyond Pussy (Joshua 19) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Beyond Pussy
August 11, 2019 15:00 - 58 minutes - 55.5 MBEP87 The post Beyond Pussy appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Destiny’s Not a Stripper (Joshua 16-18)
August 06, 2019 21:53 - 1 hour - 77.4 MBEP86 (Joshua 16-18) Kyle is so obsessed with garage sailing that Caleb nearly takes one of the many toasters Kyle won’t shut up about for a baptism. Caleb has an epic story about being marooned in a small town without pants. The jews commit and record number of genocides and war crimes. We have more... The post Destiny’s Not a Stripper (Joshua 16-18) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
10 9 8 7 666 Hail Satan (Joshua 14-15)
July 29, 2019 18:15 - 1 hour - 72.4 MBEP85 (Joshua 14-15) Caleb comes back from Armstrong Metal Fest and regales us with tales of alcoholism and overdoses. We learn how Caleb got his name. The bible character Caleb goes and kills giants as 85 year old badass. Then there is more names and places. A historian shits on Kyle’s reading skills and calls... The post 10 9 8 7 666 Hail Satan (Joshua 14-15) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Places You’ve Never Heard Of, People You Don’t Know (Joshua 12-13)
July 22, 2019 22:13 - 1 hour - 66.4 MBEP84 (Joshua 12-13) The podcast begins with some comedy shop talk and meanders in to fight stories. We skip ahead a little bit and hear the story of when a girl gets burned alive and it was pleasing to the lord. Then we have lists of defeated kings and kingdoms followed by the division of... The post Places You’ve Never Heard Of, People You Don’t Know (Joshua 12-13) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Tables Have Turned (Joshua 10-11)
July 14, 2019 19:01 - 56 minutes - 53.9 MBEP83 (Joshua 10-11) Kyle gets a new place. He then says that he can do the podcast by himself and proceeds to fail horribly. Kyle perfectly encapsulates the next 5 chapters of the bible as a game of risk, We are at the point of the game where everybody knows who will win but we... The post The Tables Have Turned (Joshua 10-11) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
JEWrusalem (Joshua 10)
July 07, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 97.7 MBEP82 (Joshua 10) We talk about Kyle’s horrible taste in music. Kyle is worried about finding a new place to live. The Jews now need to protect their new property the Gibeonites. So they march out against an alliance of five kings. God casts a spell of confusion on them and the rain hail on... The post JEWrusalem (Joshua 10) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Full Blown HIVites (Joshua 9)
July 01, 2019 16:53 - 1 hour - 82.4 MBEP81 (Joshua 9) Kyle cleans up his hunting cabin. Caleb smuggles a grenade on a plane. Judas priest came to town. In bible times the Gibeonites find an ingenious way to escape god’s wrath. They pretend to be from far away and asks if they can be slaves instead of massacred. Joshua likes this idea... The post Full Blown HIVites (Joshua 9) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Skip Church and Listen To The Bible Beaters (Joshua 7-9)
June 23, 2019 17:00 - 1 hour - 87.7 MBEp80 (Joshua 7-9) Kyle’s fishing trip was a moderate success. Caleb learns that he needs to shut the fuck about other peoples podcasts. The Jews after suffering a minor setback continue their conquest burning the the city of Ai and massacring the habitants. We imagine how much work we could get done with thousands of... The post Skip Church and Listen To The Bible Beaters (Joshua 7-9) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
You’re In God’s Way (Joshua 5-7)
June 17, 2019 16:39 - 1 hour - 80.8 MBEP79 (Joshua 5-7) Golf is not a sport. The podcast gets meta. We touch on the hilarious concept of spiritual warfare. Next the Jews, with god’s help, bring down the oldest walled city on planet earth in extraordinary fashion. They march around it playing trumpets to the annoyance of the residents. They kill everyone except... The post You’re In God’s Way (Joshua 5-7) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
God Dam (Joshua 3-5)
June 10, 2019 07:01 - 1 hour - 70 MBEp78 (Joshua 3-5) The Israelites are finally invading the promised land and they arrive at the first obstacle. The Jordan river lies between them and the city of Jericho (the planet’s oldest walled city.) Once again the Jews get across the water without getting their feet wet because god piles the river up in heap.... The post God Dam (Joshua 3-5) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Jews In The Attic (Joshua 1-2)
June 03, 2019 07:23 - 1 hour - 74.2 MBEP77 (Joshua 1-2) After a short but lengthy preamble, we summarize the bible up to this point, as is tradition when we begin a new biblical book. Kyle’s heathen bastardized version has some fascinating insights regarding meaning and purpose in a fallen world. The bible gets interesting again finally. Two Israeli spies enter Jericho and... The post Jews In The Attic (Joshua 1-2) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Do You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking (Deuteronomy 30-34)
May 27, 2019 07:01 - 1 hour - 88.5 MBEP76 (Deuteronomy 30-34) Punctuation doesn’t belong in titles as far as Kyle is concerned. In this podcast we finally finish the book of Deuteronomy BUT FIRST we venture into and become entangled in the theological thicket surrounding the afterlife and the end of time. Moses ends his epic speech and confers his talking to god... The post Do You Smell What The Rock Is Cooking (Deuteronomy 30-34) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Fuck Yourself In The Name Of Yourself (Deuteronomy 29)
May 20, 2019 22:08 - 1 hour - 62 MBEP75 (Deuteronomy 29) Our hosts extol the virtues of rugby culture. A heated debate ensues over the ethnicity of Jews versus the religious jew. We finally agree that it comes down to headware. Biblically, covenants are like insurance, you have to renew them every year. So Moses demands they Jews renew their covenant except this... The post Fuck Yourself In The Name Of Yourself (Deuteronomy 29) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Fruit Of The Womb (Deuteronomy 28)
May 14, 2019 03:28 - 1 hour - 81 MBEP74 (Deuteronomy 28) In this episode we learn what it means to be the subject of god’s jealousy. If you do not follow the lord you can expect somebody to steal yo gurl, people to borrow your donkey and not return it, your food won’t grow, you will eat your children, and nice sensitive women... The post Fruit Of The Womb (Deuteronomy 28) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Hashtag Blessed (Deuteronomy 28)
May 07, 2019 02:32 - 1 hour - 68.3 MBEP73 (Deuteronomy 28) Kyle is so dumb he used the word “hashtag” instead of the symbol as the title for this episode. That’s the level of intellect on display throughout the entire conversation. We meander into a theological thicket discussing the complexities of works and grace, blessings, and the defense of Winterfell. Evidently, if you... The post Hashtag Blessed (Deuteronomy 28) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Cursid Is the Man (Deuteronomy 26-27)
April 29, 2019 07:01 - 1 hour - 71.5 MBEP72 (Deuteronomy 26-27) Caleb avoids going to jail. 420 in Vancouver was underwhelming. We swap some stories about being dosed/dosing. In case you forgot from last podcast god needs your best stuff to give to the Levites. He also wants altar built the hard way, without tools. On the artisan altar you burn some more... The post Cursid Is the Man (Deuteronomy 26-27) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Shambles (Deuteronomy 23-24)
April 22, 2019 05:28 - 1 hour - 64.3 MBEP71 (Deuteronomy 23-24) Happy Easters all ye unfaithful! In an Easters miracle Caleb’s car comes back from the dead aka the tow truck yard. God makes a list of people who aren’t allowed to go to church, including, but not limited, to transsexuals and children of incestuous parents. Then god makes rules for camping: 1:... The post Shambles (Deuteronomy 23-24) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Rape To Own (Deuteronomy 20-21)
April 15, 2019 07:01 - 1 hour - 83.2 MBEp70 (Deuteronomy 20-21) Moses gives the Israelite’s a pep talk before they go to war and tips for avoiding the Israeli draft. We have an open discussion about the biblical age of consent and spiritual science. There are some very specific laws laid out, like breaking a heifers neck in the case of manslaughter and... The post Rape To Own (Deuteronomy 20-21) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Kangaroo Court (Deuteronomy 18-19)
April 08, 2019 23:56 - 1 hour - 74.9 MBEP69 (Deuteronomy 18-19) The unfaithful attempt to unravel the mystery of the trinity which turns out to be magic. Then the Interrupter sets the podcast back a week. Then we get into the nitty gritty specifics of human sacrifices and the occult. God lays out the rules for prophets, being that if you make one... The post Kangaroo Court (Deuteronomy 18-19) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
No Poor Just Slaves (Deuteronomy 15-16)
April 01, 2019 19:00 - 1 hour - 87 MBEP68 (Deuteronomy 15-16) The Interrupter informs us about the perils of sailing garages. The Jews get financial planning advice from god and it turns out that it actually works. Every seven years they have a financial purge where all the debt goes. Then god doles out some very progressive advice about how to treat the... The post No Poor Just Slaves (Deuteronomy 15-16) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Israel Trap House (Deuteronomy 13-14)
March 25, 2019 21:41 - 1 hour - 64.3 MBEP67 (Deuteronomy 13-14) The Lord of hosts gets his car stolen. We speculate on what it’s gonna be like to open for the cheeseburger eater Randy. Miracles are they possible? Can foreskins grow back? We pray that they can. If anyone convinces you that this is possible they should be put to the sword. A... The post Israel Trap House (Deuteronomy 13-14) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
All The Wrong Answers (Deuteronomy 12)
March 18, 2019 00:01 - 1 hour - 55.3 MBEP66 (Deuteronomy 12) On this episode we celebrate the interrupters 31 anniversary of birth. Meanwhile The lord of host showed 35,000 people his pubes. It was empowering. One of the unfaithful gets the tough love answer to his question. God has some very specific instructions about where to worship him, including a commandment that it... The post All The Wrong Answers (Deuteronomy 12) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Make god Great Again (Deuteronomy 10-11)
March 11, 2019 21:27 - 1 hour - 64.7 MBEP65 (Deuteronomy 10-11) Caleb has a new hat that sparks great controversy. Moses has to remake some tablets for god to write his commandments on because Moses smashed the first ones. We learn that god is completely impartial and that he has chosen the Jews over everyone else in his perfect impartiality. Kyle gets pretty... The post Make god Great Again (Deuteronomy 10-11) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Planking for god – (Deuteronomy 8)
March 05, 2019 08:18 - 1 hour - 72.5 MBEP64 (Deuteronomy 8) The unfaithful discuss the state of comedy in Canada prompting Kyle to uncanadianly declare that he will never apologize for ANY of jokes he tells. Moses starts his fox news propaganda spin on the exodus debacle. He claims that it’s really the Jew’s fault god did all those horrible things. At least... The post Planking for god – (Deuteronomy 8) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Hell Awaits – (Deuteronomy 6-7)
February 25, 2019 20:19 - 1 hour - 72 MBEp63 (Deuteronomy 6-7) The lord of hosts explains why his broadcasting school went bankrupt. God gives the Israelites a bunch of reasons why he is better than the other gods. Then he tells the Israelites to invade and plunder the people in the promise land. God issues number of threats including the hornet that Kyle... The post Hell Awaits – (Deuteronomy 6-7) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Adultery Unless You Hold Her Down – (Deuteronomy 5)
February 18, 2019 22:14 - 52 minutes - 47.9 MBEP62 (Deuteronomy 5) The unfaithful take their girlfriends out for valentines day. Out of a fiery cloud god tells the Israelites 10 things that they should remember. The first four are propaganda, four make sense, and two are completely impossible to follow. Kyle finds some interesting loops holes that god clearly put there on purpose.... The post Adultery Unless You Hold Her Down – (Deuteronomy 5) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
God Gets Jelly – (Deuteronomy 4)
February 11, 2019 04:30 - 1 hour - 58 MBEP61 (Deuteronomy 4) The unfaithful talk about their Superbowl wicked Superbowl party. Caleb divulges his darkest secret. God betrays his inherent insecurity by yet again banning idol worship and promising to punish for generations transgressors while simultaneously showing mercy (as if this were possible). Moses blames the Jews for all of his problems some more.... The post God Gets Jelly – (Deuteronomy 4) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Just Passing Through – (Deuteronomy 2.5-4)
February 05, 2019 21:08 - 57 minutes - 52.3 MBEP60 (Deuteronomy 2.5-4) The unfaithful compare their terrible haircuts. Kyle fat shames Caleb. God promises to help destroy Israel’s neighbors. So the Jews engage in treachery to trick their enemies but it doesn’t work so they, with the help of the merciful and just creator, kill every man, woman and child justly. So manifest destiny... The post Just Passing Through – (Deuteronomy 2.5-4) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Episode One (Anakin Still Sucks) – (Deuteronomy 2)
January 29, 2019 03:43 - 1 hour - 62.3 MBEP59 (Deuteronomy 2) Caleb and Kyle definitively solve climate change and all governmental problems. Moses continues his recap of the the Jews exodus from Egypt. We get into the nuance and finer points of god’s blessings. The post Episode One (Anakin Still Sucks) – (Deuteronomy 2) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Dooderonamy – (Deuteronomy 1)
January 22, 2019 01:02 - 1 hour - 67 MBEP58 (Deuteronomy 1) KYLE READS THIS WEEK! The Bible Beaters start the fifth book of the bible attributed to the legend Moses. Caleb has no voice because of excessive screaming at a show. We learn a little background about Deuteronomy and then Moses provides a confusing summary. Kyle makes many outrageous claims and defends them... The post Dooderonamy – (Deuteronomy 1) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Shenanigans – (Numbers 33 – 36)
January 15, 2019 05:58 - 1 hour - 77.4 MBEp57 (Numbers 33 – 36) The Bible Beaters come back from their brief hiatus with sad news. The bible then lists all the stops on Israel make believe journey through the desert. The jews then begin to the divide the spoils of the war the haven’t fought yet but are confident they will win. Caleb... The post Shenanigans – (Numbers 33 – 36) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Lords Anger is Arousing – (Numbers 32 – 33)
December 24, 2018 04:52 - 1 hour - 69.1 MBEP56 (Numbers 32 – 33) The Lord of Hosts recounts his hellish Christmas party gigs. Then they talk about how to become a man in a hot tub. In the Bible the Jews cross the Jordan river and conquer more territories. Of course god gets angry about something and it makes him aroused. The post The Lords Anger is Arousing – (Numbers 32 – 33) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Feminist Bible and the 6400 Virgins – (Numbers 29 – 31)
December 17, 2018 18:58 - 1 hour - 90.4 MBEp55 (Numbers 29 – 31) Caleb describes his trip to the hipster cyclist cafe. It was a catastrophe. In the bible the slow to anger god demands the Israelites destroy the Midianites for letting their women have sex with the Jewish men. On god’s instruction they burn down the Midianite cities and take all the virgin... The post Feminist Bible and the 6400 Virgins – (Numbers 29 – 31) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
God’s Menu – (Numbers 27 – 28)
December 10, 2018 19:21 - 57 minutes - 53 MBEP54 (Numbers 27 – 28) Guess what? More offerings. Caleb tells some rugby stories. The bible has some progressive ideas about what women are allowed to make vows about. The unfaithful discuss the ethics of mega churches and televangelists. The post God’s Menu – (Numbers 27 – 28) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Harder, Harder, Too Hard! – (Numbers 25 – 26)
December 03, 2018 20:42 - 1 hour - 67.8 MBEP53 (Numbers 25 – 26) Kyle gets misogynistic about women and he hates dogs. Caleb gets misogynistic about women drivers. We dive right into an orgy with the Moabites. God, who is slow to anger and abounding in forgiveness of rebellion, is, of course, SUPER jealous and commands Moses to kill the leadership. Then while they... The post Harder, Harder, Too Hard! – (Numbers 25 – 26) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Blame Balaam – (Numbers 23 – 24)
November 26, 2018 03:46 - 1 hour - 86.4 MBEP52 (Numbers 23 – 24) The unfaithful muse about child rearing. Biblically, we return to the story of Balaam who gets eternally blamed for doing exactly what god says. The king offers Balaam money to curse the Jews but Balaam is a gangster and blesses them instead. After the meaningless blessings, Israel has an orgy in... The post Blame Balaam – (Numbers 23 – 24) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Holy Shit a Talking Donkey – (Numbers 21 – 22)
November 19, 2018 08:14 - 1 hour - 85.7 MBEP51 (Numbers 21 – 22) The Israelites are on the warpath. After a they make bargain with god to “utterly destroy” these people they immediately forget and complain about food. Abounding in loving forgiveness, god sends venomous snakes to remind those dildo’s who is in charge. Luckily they create an idol to look at so they... The post Holy Shit a Talking Donkey – (Numbers 21 – 22) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Caleb’s Mom Has Got It Going On
November 12, 2018 11:29 - 1 hour - 62.5 MBBonus EP01 In this podcast the prophet Stacey Campbell (who is also Caleb’s mom) came to talk to us. As it is her first visit we explore her background and how she became a famous prophet. Biblical themes are discussed such as speaking in tongues, god’s will, heaven and hell, and false god. The post Caleb’s Mom Has Got It Going On appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Death of A A Ron – (Numbers 19 – 20)
November 12, 2018 11:26 - 1 hour - 83.7 MBEP50 (Numbers 19 – 20) Caleb’s piece of shit car gets broken into. Kyle cross dresses as his dad for Halloween. We learn about the magic holy water that is used for making unclean things clean. The theoretical implications of the economics for living in a clean society put severe strain on the believability of this... The post The Death of A A Ron – (Numbers 19 – 20) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
God Giveth but Mostly Taketh – (Numbers 17 – 18)
November 05, 2018 07:32 - 1 hour - 88.1 MBEP49 (Numbers 17 – 18) The lord of hosts recounts his trip to Nekrogoblikon. No its not comic con for goblins. With ashes of 250 people smouldering and 14,700 bodies rotting with the plague gods next trick is to make A A rons staff grow almonds to remind them who is really in charge. More duties... The post God Giveth but Mostly Taketh – (Numbers 17 – 18) appeared first on Canada Comedy.