Bible Beaters – Canada Comedy
348 episodes - English - Latest episode: 5 months ago - ★★★★ - 32 ratingsCanada's Comedy Podcast Network
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Episodes
Why Are All Priests Gay Rapists (1 Samuel 11-12)
March 08, 2020 11:00 - 1 hour - 86.1 MBEp117 (1 Samuel 11-12) Question marks are optional. Kyle returns from his vacation from Mexico with scars and stories. In the bible god has chosen Saul to be king of the Israelites and now he is punishing them for it. The Ammonite King demands the right eye of every Jewish citizen. This aggression cannot stand,... The post Why Are All Priests Gay Rapists (1 Samuel 11-12) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Patreon.com/BibleBeaters
March 05, 2020 00:36We love that you made it this far, glad you’re enjoying the podcast and want more. For Exodus and the rest of the archives go to patreon.com/biblebeaters or skip ahead and get the newest 10 episodes free. Thank you for supporting The Bible Beaters Podcast. The post Patreon.com/BibleBeaters appeared first on Canada Comedy.
King In a House (Samuel 9 – 10)
March 01, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 63.9 MBEP116 1 (Samuel 9 – 10) Caleb turns 33 and must go to parties and play party games but he doesn’t like party games. Israel decides they want a king against gods will so god rigs a beauty contest to pick his favorite. His favorite is nowhere to be found because he his hiding in... The post King In a House (Samuel 9 – 10) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
King In a House
March 01, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 63.9 MBEP116 The post King In a House appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Searching For Ass (Samuel 7-8)
February 23, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 67 MBEP115 1 (Samuel 7-8) Kyle is excited about his upcoming trip to Mexico. Caleb once lived in a Mexican orphanage. Bible follows its typical pattern of having the story repeat itself. Samuel get old and his sons are corrupt priests. god and Samuel bitch about the ungrateful Israelites together but god eventually relents and allows... The post Searching For Ass (Samuel 7-8) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Searching For Ass
February 23, 2020 12:00 - 1 hour - 67 MBEP115 The post Searching For Ass appeared first on Canada Comedy.
god’s Bitch
February 16, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 78.6 MBEP114 The post god’s Bitch appeared first on Canada Comedy.
god’s Bitch (1 Samuel 5-6)
February 16, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 78.6 MBEP114 (1 Samuel 5-6) The fella’s solve the climate crises. The Philistines capture the box that god lives and they set it in the same room as their own god and the gods have a god battle to death. yahweh wins the god battle and smites the Philistines with tumors and rats. The Philistines kick... The post god’s Bitch (1 Samuel 5-6) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Spite Babies (Samuel 3-4)
February 09, 2020 14:00 - 1 hour - 62 MBEp113 (Samuel 3-4) In this episode we talk about the Superbowl and staying in hostels. In the bible Eli gets the bad news the ark is stolen and it kills him. Did the ark ever exists at all? Who knows? Bad things start to happen to philistines when they take possession of the ark like... The post Spite Babies (Samuel 3-4) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Alter Boys 2 Men (Samuel 3-4)
February 02, 2020 14:00 - 52 minutes - 50.3 MBEP112 (Samuel 3-4) The beaters complain about their jobs, bosses, and hype Chad. Caleb warriors through a swollen tongue. In the bible we talking about Samuel’s calling. We discuss which evangelists have the best stats, the road to redemption, faith healers, and modern versus ancient prophecy. Then Israel goes to war with the Philistines and... The post Alter Boys 2 Men (Samuel 3-4) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
You Don’t Wanna Be A Priest’s Apprentice
January 26, 2020 14:00 - 59 minutes - 56.1 MBEp111 The post You Don’t Wanna Be A Priest’s Apprentice appeared first on Canada Comedy.
You Don’t Wanna Be A Priest’s Apprentice (1 Samuel 2)
January 26, 2020 14:00 - 59 minutes - 56.1 MBEP111 (1 Samuel 2) We get right into the story of Samuel who is sold into the service of corrupt priests. First, Hannah sings a dumb song and we never hear from her again. Eli is the high priest, but he is old and his sons are taking liberties with the priesthood. They are sexing... The post You Don’t Wanna Be A Priest’s Apprentice (1 Samuel 2) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Drunk In The Spirit (1 Samuel 1)
January 20, 2020 21:51 - 1 hour - 68.4 MBEP110 (1 Samuel 1) They boys discuss getting sober. In yet another case of god’s system of eugenics Hannah’s womb has been sealed. This distresses her greatly so she promises god that should she get pregnant she will give the child to the priesthood. This idea is so bad that the high priest thinks she’s... The post Drunk In The Spirit (1 Samuel 1) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Drunk In The Spirit
January 20, 2020 21:51 - 1 hour - 68.4 MBEp110 The post Drunk In The Spirit appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Call Me Daddy
January 14, 2020 04:46 - 1 hour - 67.1 MBEP109 The post Call Me Daddy appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Call Me Daddy (Ruth 1-4)
January 14, 2020 04:46 - 1 hour - 67.1 MBEP109 (Ruth 1-4) Have you guys met Chad? The fellas are after each other for no reason. The book of Ruth begins with a story about lady who was so sad she changed her name from glad to sad. She is so sad because her husband and sons die so she takes her daughter in... The post Call Me Daddy (Ruth 1-4) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Take My Daughter I’m Not Looking
January 05, 2020 22:20 - 1 hour - 65.4 MBEP108 The post Take My Daughter I’m Not Looking appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Take My Daughter I’m Not Looking (Judges 21)
January 05, 2020 22:20 - 1 hour - 65.4 MBEP108 (Judges 21) We discuss the business of saving souls. We pick up the biblical insanity right where we left off. After the total destruction of all Benjaminite towns, the men of Israel make an oath to not give their daughters to a Benjaminite in marriage. All of the sudden the schizophrenic Jews feel bad... The post Take My Daughter I’m Not Looking (Judges 21) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Door to Door Rapists (Judges 20)
December 29, 2019 16:01 - 1 hour - 76.3 MBEP107 (Judges 20) Hurricane Wesley has come to town. The tribes of Israel are preparing for war! Yet another perposteroni tony sized army (400,000) Jew’s show up to avenge the Levite’s concubine. They send messengers to Benjamin demanding the evil men of Gibeah to be turned over and the Benjaminite’s tell the rest of Israel... The post Door to Door Rapists (Judges 20) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Door to Door Rapists
December 29, 2019 16:01 - 1 hour - 76.3 MBEP107 The post Door to Door Rapists appeared first on Canada Comedy.
That’s Hot (Judges 19)
December 23, 2019 00:32 - 1 hour - 71 MBEP106 (Judges 19) Merry Christmas dildos! The fellas discuss the etiquette of gift giving. A Levite’s concubine cheats on him but he decides he wants to get her back. So he goes to her town and ends bros down with the father in law during a five day bender. On the walk home they have... The post That’s Hot (Judges 19) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
That’s Hot
December 23, 2019 00:32 - 1 hour - 71 MBEP106 The post That’s Hot appeared first on Canada Comedy.
You Call Yourself a Priest
December 15, 2019 16:00 - 1 hour - 72.8 MBEP105 The post You Call Yourself a Priest appeared first on Canada Comedy.
You Call Yourself a Priest (Judges 17-18)
December 15, 2019 16:00 - 1 hour - 72.8 MBEP105 (Judges 17-18) Coming at you LIVE this week, we discuss biblical ornaments and carvings. In bible times a man named Micah makes some idols for god, in spite of the fact that god has command people not to make idols. In order to get back on god’s good side he employs a priest. The... The post You Call Yourself a Priest (Judges 17-18) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Biblical 9-11
December 08, 2019 23:52 - 1 hour - 60.1 MBEp104 The post Biblical 9-11 appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Biblical 9-11 (Judges 16)
December 08, 2019 23:52 - 1 hour - 60.1 MBEP104 (Judges 16) Chad is in town and him and Kyle get involved with some wayward women. We spend about half an hour reading about and discussing the nature of heaven in response to last week’s question. Heaven absolutely bananas. god has failed experiments covered in eyes shouting about how great he around the clock.... The post Biblical 9-11 (Judges 16) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Nagged To Death
December 05, 2019 06:29 - 59 minutes - 56.1 MBEp 103 The post Nagged To Death appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Nagged To Death (Judges 16)
December 05, 2019 06:29 - 59 minutes - 56.1 MBEP103 (Judges 16) Caleb returns from California with some good stories and he’s very sorry for being 4 days late. Samson, the bane of the Philistines, is surrounded and locked in a town while he bangs a prostitute. He wakes up and tears the city gates out from of the wall and marches them to... The post Nagged To Death (Judges 16) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Jonkey’s Dawbone (Judges 14-15)
November 24, 2019 22:06 - 1 hour - 57.5 MBEP102 (Judges 14-15) Caleb and his bros go to the Alestorm concert. Samson’s escapades begin with choosing a Philistines bride. On the way to the wedding he is attacked by a lion and Samson tears it apart with his bear (lol) hands. At the wedding Samson makes a wager with the Philistines. They will forfeit... The post Jonkey’s Dawbone (Judges 14-15) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Jonkey’s Dawbone
November 24, 2019 22:06 - 1 hour - 57.5 MBEP102 The post Jonkey’s Dawbone appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Podcasting 101 (Judges 12-13)
November 17, 2019 22:32 - 54 minutes - 51.6 MBEP101 (Judges 12-13) The podcast begins with a behind the scenes look at Kyle’s editing proficiency. Caleb visits a pig farm. Jephthah continues his conquest of southern Israel. At one point he captures all of the Jordan river crossings and kills forty-two thousand people who talk with a lisp. After Jephthah comes a few nobodies... The post Podcasting 101 (Judges 12-13) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Podcasting 101
November 17, 2019 22:32 - 54 minutes - 51.6 MBEP101 The post Podcasting 101 appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Happiness Is Believing in Lies
November 10, 2019 16:00 - 1 hour - 67.8 MBEP100 The post Happiness Is Believing in Lies appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Happiness Is Believing in Lies (Judges 10-11)
November 10, 2019 16:00 - 1 hour - 67.8 MBEP100 (Judges 10-11) The fellas recount a hell gig in hick town where a literal horse walked into the bar. Once again, the fickle Jews start following other gods and yahweh is forced to punish them yet again. This is the story of Jephthah the son of prostitute who rises up to free the Israelites... The post Happiness Is Believing in Lies (Judges 10-11) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Great One (Judges 9)
November 03, 2019 20:00 - 1 hour - 87.3 MBEP99 (Judges 9) Happy Demon Christmas! This is the story of Abimelek, a bastard, one of 71 sons of Gideon. Abimelek decides he doesn’t want to share power with his 70 brothers so he tricks them into hiring mercenaries that he uses against them. After this betrayal the youngest brother, Jotham, warns the Shecemites if... The post The Great One (Judges 9) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
The Great One
November 03, 2019 20:00 - 1 hour - 87.3 MBEP99 The post The Great One appeared first on Canada Comedy.
As Is The Man, So Is His Strength
October 27, 2019 07:01 - 1 hour - 80 MB098 The post As Is The Man, So Is His Strength appeared first on Canada Comedy.
As Is The Man, So Is His Strength (Judges 8)
October 27, 2019 07:01 - 1 hour - 80 MBEP98 (Judges 8) Caleb reminisces about the time he threw a party and 200 people showed up. Gideon chases his enemies through neighboring territories and his allies are butt hurt they didn’t get part of the loot. While in hot pursuit of his enemies he asks the local people for food for his men. The... The post As Is The Man, So Is His Strength (Judges 8) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Gideon’s 300
October 22, 2019 18:54 - 1 hour - 73.2 MBEP97 The post Gideon’s 300 appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Gideon’s 300 (Judges 7)
October 22, 2019 18:54 - 1 hour - 73.2 MBEP97 (Judges 7) Caleb is sober, Kyle thinks doctors don’t read, and somebody wet the bed. Caleb’s old house has been overrun with Nazi’s. god inspires our unlikely hero Gideon to reduce the size of his army and engage in gangster methods. We get hung up on iron chariots for a bit. Then Gideon surprise... The post Gideon’s 300 (Judges 7) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Watermelondrea (Judges 6-7)
October 13, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 65.6 MBEP96 (Judges 6-7) Its depression month on the Bible Beater’s podcast. Caleb is sober and Kyle has lowered his bar for happiness. But there is good news! The boring part of the bible is behind us and its great stories from here on out! We are introduced to the legendary Gideon (least of his name)... The post Watermelondrea (Judges 6-7) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Watermelondrea
October 13, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 65.6 MBEP96 The post Watermelondrea appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Finally Some Feminism (Judges 5)
October 07, 2019 22:05 - 1 hour - 64.9 MBEP95 (Judges 5) Back from Israel Caleb gets right back to trolling Facebook. The bible beaters wade into the federal election with some very progressive ideas. We read the song of Deborah which is very confusing to Kyle. We learn about some writing problems with ancient Hebrew. Caleb breaks down how argue against a Christian.... The post Finally Some Feminism (Judges 5) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Finally Some Feminism
October 07, 2019 22:05 - 1 hour - 64.9 MBThe post Finally Some Feminism appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Live From Jerusalem It’s Sunday Night (Judges 5)
September 29, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 74.2 MBEP94 (Judges 5) A live podcast from the holy land with Simeon Campbell as a guest. Caleb and sim tell us about the places and historical sites they visited and about some of the jesus freaks they are stuck with. Very little bible reading is accomplished. The post Live From Jerusalem It’s Sunday Night (Judges 5) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Live From Jerusalem It’s Sunday Night
September 29, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 74.2 MBEP94 The post Live From Jerusalem It’s Sunday Night appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Stacy Campbell The Sequel
September 25, 2019 23:06 - 1 hour - 63.8 MBBonus EP2 The post Stacy Campbell The Sequel appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Alchemists Agree (Judges 3-4)
September 22, 2019 17:43 - 1 hour - 64.1 MBEP93 (Judges 3-4) Kyle’s buddy demonstrates how not to do a best man speech. The bible beaters discuss the merits of young children being needed in heaven. Next we learn of 3 total bad-ass judges Othniel, Ehud, Shamgar. Othniel was a great general, Ehud stabbed a really fat guy, and Shamgar killed 600 people with... The post Alchemists Agree (Judges 3-4) appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Alchemists Agree
September 22, 2019 17:43 - 1 hour - 64.1 MBEP93 The post Alchemists Agree appeared first on Canada Comedy.
Who Got Trolled Harder
September 15, 2019 15:00 - 1 hour - 89 MBEP92 The post Who Got Trolled Harder appeared first on Canada Comedy.