26. Finding Our True Selves Through Releasing Repressed Emotions (ft. Psychologist Barlas Günay)

Originally from Turkey, psychologist Barlas Günay has lived and worked around the world. He received his BA in psychology in the US, was in the Turkish army for a year, where he worked with soldiers who suffered from combat-related PTSD. He then applied for the University of Ontario’s clinical psychology graduate program, where he received his masters degree. He then practiced privately in Turkey before moving to the Netherlands, where he currently lives with his wife and new baby. He specializes in schema-focused therapy (SFT) and mindfulness techniques.

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Topics discussed on this episode include:

■ How emotions are viewed, expressed (and repressed) differently in various parts of the world 

■ The demonization of emotions (the negative effects of labeling emotions as either good or bad and how to practice “accept and act”)

■ How to know when not to react based upon our emotions and how to identify when our bodies are in fight or flight mode

■ Why doing nothing is often the hardest thing to do

■ How reading into micro-expressions and creating narratives in our minds about people’s behavior can cause unnecessary drama in our lives (i.e. waiting for a text back and assuming someone hates us/is never going to speak to us again)

■ “Main character syndrome” and thinking the world revolves around us (how embracing “it’s not all about you” can radically transform our lives and relieve much of our self-inflicted pain) 

■ How to tell if you’re interacting with others from the perspective of your True Self or through your “programming” (becoming conscious of when our “vulnerable inner child” takes hold) 

■ How reenacting our childhood in adulthood keeps us stuck (and how to break out of this cycle) 

■ Barlas’ own struggles with drugs and alcohol to cope with the pressures of perfectionism 

■ How emotional dysregulation manifests in childhood and using schema therapy to empower the “healthy adult mode” within ourselves

■ How to released repressed emotions (crying, anger work, etc.) 

■ How to start seeing anger as your friend, not your enemy (the role abandonment rage plays in borderline personality disorder (BPD)

■ How the belief that we are unlovable starts in infancy due to what Barlas describes as “magical omnipotence” (and how to dismantle those beliefs) 

■ How to handle the negative reactions that might come our way as we begin to pursue our own recovery journeys and how to let some relationships go in the process 

■ How trying to “get resolution” with our parents is often a pointless exercise (how to release the desire for closure with our families of origin, find forgiveness, healing and a way forward) 

■ Inner critic work (using schema therapy to explore the concept of ‘punitive parent mode’)

Book mentioned on this episode:

Breaking Down the Wall of Silence by Alice Miller

Connect with Barlas:

https://www.instagram.com/acceptandact/

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