21. Loving Someone with BPD & CPTSD (ft. My Boyfriend Zaz)

If you have BPD or CPTSD (or are a loved one of someone who does) and you’re losing hope, this episode is for you. People with borderline personality disorder (BPD) and complex post traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) often have tumultuous relationships, both romantic and platonic. Romantic relationships present a unique set of challenges for people with complex trauma (and their partners). One of the first results that appears when you Google “BPD relationships” is: “Why BPD relationships never work.” It can certainly feel that way, but I’m here to tell you: this doesn’t have to be your reality. Today, you’ll hear my boyfriend Zaz’s very first appearance on the podcast. We sit down and answer questions submitted by my lovely Patreon subscribers and Instagram followers.

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Below are some of the topics Zaz and I discuss:

■ How do you know if you’re in a healthy relationship?

■ How to develop a deeper understanding for your partner with BPD

■ How to find your own space in a relationship with someone with BPD (navigating feelings of overwhelm)

■ Drama addiction in BPD: how we often feel bored when things are calm and predictable in a relationship 

■ Zaz’s own trauma (losing his first love in a school shooting in Montreal, CA)

■ How those of us with BPD can share our recovery insights with our partners (how Zaz has benefited from learning about inner critic work!)

■ Should you tell your partner’s family that you have BPD?

■ How to know if your partner has become your FP (“Favorite Person”)

■ How to navigate the early stages of a relationship and clingy behavior in BPD

■ What changes Zaz has seen in me since I started my recovery journey

■ Can two people with BPD date (or will it always be toxic)

■ How the partner of someone with BPD can care for their own needs while the BPD partner is splitting / having an episode 

■ What is the best way to educate your partner about BPD (while still holding yourself accountable and not blaming everything on ‘the BPD”) 

■ Has Zaz ever been accused of something untrue in an argument during a BPD episode?

■ How to handle jealous, controlling, obsessive and paranoid behavior in your BPD partner

■ How to navigate constant need for validation and attention from your partner with BPD

■ How those of us with BPD need to ensure we are giving our partners adequate emotional space in the relationship (not making it all about us)

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