Up Yours, Downstairs! A Downton Abbey Podcast
253 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 439 ratingsThe podcast that watched Downton Abbey so you didn't have to is still going! Just like your favorite British period piece, but with more feelings and swears! Bask in the glory of Dame Maggie Smith as hilarious Anglophiles Kelly Anneken & Amy Schneider explore the class struggle, history, fashion, and the art of staring wistfully into the middle distance on Downton Abbey, The Crown, Mr. Selfridge, Peaky Blinders, every Titanic film ever made, Pride & Prejudice, and much more!
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Episodes
Nice Sweater, Idiot
August 26, 2013 02:37 - 1 hourKelly & Tom continue their arduous slog through Titanic BS with their recap of Episode 7. They celebrate the return of Chris Noth’s mustache, puzzle over Neve Campbell’s otherworldly, hideously costumed press agent, start shipping Malandrews, wonder what happened to Sad Andrea, kill a German munitions supplier, encourage the Cousins to open a bar and grocery, talk a lot about rivets, and transmute some bread into steel. Kelly accidentally reads a telegram like a Dalek, Tom feverishly reads W...
Law & Order: Steel Victims Unit
August 12, 2013 02:30 - 1 hourThis week, Kelly & Tom skip ahead to Titanic BS Episode 6 on account of Episode 5 containing more BS than usual. There, they anticipate being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, figure out whether we are supposed to feel bad for Kitty Carlton, find a new favorite solicitor, hope that Violetta is hooking, mistake a German for an Irishman, wonder how many mini-Muirs Mark has left in his wake, and fall freckles-over-heels in love with a ginger. All this, and Kelly wants to set a Whole Foods on fir...
CreateCelebBaby.com
July 29, 2013 01:38 - 1 hourIn this recap of Titanic BS Episode 3, Kelly and Tom go on the hunt to locate Ewan McGregor, capture some escaped blue, explain Bastille Day to hipsters, reform the educational system, spot an attractive ginger, and give career counseling to Sad Andrea. Lord Pirrie’s hat is sincere, Sofia’s button is suspicious, Dad’s gin bottle is traditional, and Chris Noth’s mustache is still on the lam. Kelly invents a new catchphrase, Tom reveals his cinematic past, and everybody is drunk (it’s Julian Fe...
The HMS Moderately Sized
July 16, 2013 06:09 - 1 hourIn this belated recap of Titanic BS E2 (now with a spaghetti co-host!), Kelly & Tom marvel at the Muirscope, demand more of JP Morgan’s mustache, rejoice at the return of Lady Skunkhead, balk at the beigeness of the Hatton family, gape at Kitty’s brazenness, wonder if Lord Pirrie and Mr. Andrews are related, and laugh and laugh at Simple Jack. Kelly attempts to make an offensive rhyme about Irish people, Tom advises our Cousin of the Week to sleep his way to the top, and nobody likes Andrea. ...
Rissoles Or Death
July 01, 2013 06:50 - 1 hourThis week, Kelly and Tom finally get around to recapping Titanic BS–no steel barons allowed! Amidst the color saturated splendor and completely inappropriate sexual tension of Edwardian Belfast, they marvel at Neve Campbell’s “acting,” the period-appropriate whores, the machinations of the Onion Organizer, Stephen Oven-Bake, and Chris Noth’s mustache’s fantastic performance as Jiggery Pokery Morgan. Kelly explains how the keel-laying ceremony keeps ship-sinking demons at bay, Tom wishes he wa...
The Palm Court: Giggles And Drinking: A Life In Retail
June 17, 2013 02:24 - 2 hoursIt’s time to close the doors on Series One of Mr. Selfridge–we think. It’s possible that Jeremy Piven has been running around, setting all the clocks five minutes ahead. Kelly and Tom get unbelievably angry at Mr. Grove, imagine Sherlock Without Sherlock, weigh the pros and cons of living like the Eskimo, worry that Rosalie has appendicitis, laugh at King Edward VII, introduce Crabvilius shipping, discuss how duchesses never fart, marvel at Ellen Love’s new gravity-defying hairdo, and wonder ...
The Palm Court: Brought To You By The Mutton Council
June 03, 2013 01:05 - 2 hoursKelly & Tom go nuts for tea huts in their coverage of Mr. Selfridge Episodes 7 & 8. Their more quick-witted than usual observations extend to remembering that Drunky McGin exists, the plight of colorblind Edwardians, the return of Lady May’s hair bra, how Selfridge’s might have capitalized on the sinking of Titanic, Mr. LeClair’s snazzy new iPhonograph, an imagined MySpace rivalry between Baron Julian and Eyeliner, Rosalie Selfridge and the vexing strap, “Umberland” as a unit of measurement, ...
The Palm Court: The Divine Right Of Sandwich
May 20, 2013 04:50 - 2 hoursIn this recap of Mr.Selfridge episodes 5 & 6, Kelly and Tom crash headlong into a heap of scandal! They go to the papers with tales of gin-soaked bums, Jeremy Piven’s excellent yelling skills, a (nearly) fool-proof method of telling the Selfridge children apart, Lady May’s gigolo-naming system, which ‘ships are okay to support, the worst flashback sequence of all time, and the excellent performances of Ellen Love, Rose Selfridge, and Josie Mardle. Kelly plans to write Jordan Baker fan fiction...
The Palm Court: You Just Get A Warmer Sound With Horses
May 06, 2013 02:22 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom return at long last with a recap of Mr. Selfridge episodes 3 & 4 sure to delight and amaze even the most curmudgeonly Cousins! They cover the awfulness of Viking River Cruises and the PBS video player, the over/under on whether Lady May and Ellen Love are actually vampires, Fake Gyllenhaal’s dilettantism, Nude Day at Selfridge’s, dick-flavored chicken, getting married in pubs, Bohemian scammers, and why Piven doesn’t ever just yell “BLENKINSOP!” All this, plus Kelly cuts several...
The Palm Court: Smirkin’ And Merkin
April 08, 2013 05:34 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom set out to change the way the internet experiences Mr. Selfridge. Their discussion of the two-hour Masterpiece Classic premiere involves a LOT of made-up names, LinneyWatch 2013, the smile that dropped a thousand panties, the Ginger Gregson, a Torchwood alien, and the niceness of people being nice to one another. All this, plus Kelly is the Regina George of slumber parties, Tom is declared an honorary woman, and the Cousins grace us with a plethora of lengthy, informative Telegr...
Grand Canadian Trunkadelic II: Attack Of The Clones
March 18, 2013 02:57 - 1 hourKelly and Tom wrap up their wrap-up discussion of Downton Abbey, Series 3. They ponder how to solve a problem like Molesley, the ever changing cast of babies, Isis-shaped lamps, the merits of sharing a diaper with a monkey, Ireland’s lack of cinematic quality, the real Dante’s Inferno, Mary’s similarity to the Queen Mother, the new musical sensation Thoroughly Dismayed Lord Grantham, the downstairs love pentagram, and Murray-related activities. Kelly reveals her latent telekinesis, Tom dispar...
Grand Canadian Trunkadelic, Part I
March 11, 2013 04:42 - 1 hourThis week, to the surprise of everyone, including themselves, Kelly and Tom kick off the first of a two-part (possibly three-part) Downton Abbey Series Three recap discussion! They cover alternative ways to write Matthew Crawley out of the show, the failings of the TARDIS when parsing trans-Atlantic slang, whether or not twigs are allowed in British prisons, heroin-addled costume designers, the heir to Sunny Marlborough’s lifetime of bad decisions, how to play Snapdragon, and the gayest name ...
Our Sigil Is A Wet Blanket
February 25, 2013 04:43 - 2 hoursIn their final super-sized Downton Abbey recap for this season, Kelly and Tom finally catch up with the rest of the world as the events of “Journey to the Highlands” unfold. They chat about Lady Mary’s magically disappearing baby bump, the Crawley House motto, Branson’s Home Alone experience, Rose’s side-boob, haggis hats, O’Brien’s utterly terrifying Scottish counterpart, the long-awaited appearance of Shrimpie, the inexplicable demon/assassin/alien maid Edna, ghillies and their speak, Hele...
Something Hatches, Right?
February 18, 2013 03:24 - 2 hoursTake a tour of the revolting world of a double-wide episode of UYDS! In this episode, Kelly and Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E7 and S3:E8 in an attempt to reconcile themselves with PBS’ dumb programming schedule. Not only do they cover two totally riveting episodes, but Kelly attempts to sing the score of Norman & Simon’s The Secret Garden, Tom casts aspersions on the fair city of Elko, NV, and everyone sheds a little tear for Thomas. They also discuss Sybbie’s giant melon head, McG’s hypnoti...
The Happy Pants Place
February 11, 2013 04:42 - 2 hoursThis recap of Downton Abbey S3:E6 is brought to you courtesy of podcast network BaldMove.com, the new home of UYDS! Kelly and Tom discuss crackpot theories, ways to make the podcast profitable, and the joy of wordplay. They also criticize Mrs. Bartlett’s wallpaper, Isobel’s face, and Bates’s very existence. They also seek out a mirror for O’Brien, a musical role for Jimmy Kent, a magical spell for Baron Fellowes, and a surprising possible identity for Thomas’s erotic pen pal. In addition, Tom...
Why Couldn’t It Have Been Bates?
February 04, 2013 01:46 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom sob their way through this emotional recap of Downton Abbey S3:E5, possibly one of the best episodes of the show to date. The tearful twosome observe Daisy’s rapid transformation into Mrs. Patmore, Junior; welcome converts to the Church of Shank Bates; roll their eyes at the wacky exploits of Ethel in the kitchen; reveal who, in fact, is the walrus; marvel anew at the sheer awesomeness of Dame Maggie Smith, and wish that Thomas would find his own clock to wind. Kelly demands a...
That’s Archbishop To You, Batman!
January 28, 2013 01:55 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom recap the dumbest thing ever, AKA Downton Abbey S3:E4. On the plus side, this episode features Thomas’s erotic pen pal, toffee noses, the comedy stylings of the Dowager Countess, a newfangled electric toaster, Ethel’s plotline finally paying some dividends and the really, really, ridiculously good-looking Jimmy Kent. Unfortunately, it also includes far too much Murder Prison, Branson being a completely out-of-character moron, the comedy stylings of the Dowager Countess (yes, ag...
Isis Is My Co-Pilot
January 21, 2013 02:00 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom celebrate the Year of the Twat in their recap of Downton Abbey S3:E3. They discuss O’Brien’s pickled bangs, Isobel’s Whore Institute, the adventures of Anna Bates, PI, the reason it’s hard to call Branson ‘Tom,’ McG’s unexpected ascendance to the show’s official voice of reason, the ins and outs of European car rental in 1920, and why the chronically understaffed Downton Abbey has such a generous PTO policy. Plus, Kelly won’t shut up about Ever After, Tom explains the origins of...
Get Out Your Silver Polish, Boys!
January 14, 2013 02:03 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom are bringing strumpet back in this recap of Downton Abbey S3E2. Daisy reveals herself as the Cassandra of Downton, Matthew and Mary keep having sex in lieu of an honest conversation about finance, our favorite replacement ginger reappears, Reed’s magical origins are uncovered, and MacL shares a sexually charged moment with the Dowager Countess. Kelly wonders if there was ever really a time when she didn’t hate Matthew, Tom hopes Anna’s garter is for her second husband, and they ...
Hitler’s A-Comin’ and Fashion is King!
January 07, 2013 02:09 - 2 hoursWelcome back to Yorkshire, Cousins! At long last, Kelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S3:E1! They lay out their Linney strategy, speculate about Mary’s fertility, complain about how bitchy all the characters got while on hiatus, go into mourning for McG’s hat, come up with a Branson/Matthew spinoff, wish that Sybil had spent her travel money on a new wardrobe, marvel at the beauty of Larry Gray’s permasneer, unexpectedly find themselves on Team Edith, and of course, extol the many virtues of Da...
What Happened In Bert’s Chalk Drawing, Stays In Bert’s Chalk Drawing
December 17, 2012 02:12 - 1 hourKelly and Tom wish the Cousins happy holidays with this special podcast covering Mary Poppins! They discuss the film’s hidden protagonist, what was really going on during that “jolly holiday,” Dick Van Dyke’s accent, PL Travers’ dealings with Walt Disney, the fastest bath in history, whether or not Mary Poppins was a secret Communist, and the way the Banks kids are ugly/adorable. Everyone’s favorite twosome also reveals how to talk to a Scottish prostitute, the way everyone in Edwardian time...
Pass the Dalek on the Left-Hand Side
December 10, 2012 02:15 - 2 hoursIt’s mainly history in this second “Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards” episode as Kelly and Tom give book reports on Black Edwardians by Jeffrey Green and Edward and the Edwardians by Phillippe Jullian, neither of which are worth reading if you don’t host a Downton Abbey podcast. They also pitch a reboot of The Craft starring Britain’s grand old dames, express disgust at the nickname “Tum-Tum,” debate the proper pronunciation of WEB DuBois’ last name, reveal Kelly’s secret identity, and ...
It Would Be Like ‘War Horse,’ Only About a Hat.
November 26, 2012 02:17 - 1 hourSPOILER ALERT: Kelly & Tom break off their engagement with A Room With a View early on in this podcast. They still talk about it–at length–but despite their undying love of Cecil, they just can’t sign off on the Merchant Ivory classic. Fortunately, they do manage to reveal Queen Elizabeth II’s favorite film, brainstorm Twitter handles for EM Forster characters, muse about male nudity, explain proper library book etiquette, and identify Edwardian hipsters. Kelly spends much of the episode d...
The Cheerful Charlies Ride Again!
November 12, 2012 02:19 - 1 hourAt long last, Kelly and Tom finally say “smell ya later” to James Cameron’s Titanic. They give Old Rose what for, speculate about what Young Rose did to survive once she arrived in New York, discuss the true meaning of “going Galt,” pine for vintage Britney Spears videos, watch Lovejoy tussle with some ghosts, and compare the Titanic cast to the cast of The Princess Bride. They also announce the UYDS programming schedule for the rest of 2012, insult Gypsies, and once again wonder what happe...
I Know What You Did In the Summer of 1912
October 29, 2012 01:33 - 1 hourKelly and Tom embark on the second leg of their exciting voyage aboard James Cameron’s Titanic with lots of singing, sauciness, and silly voices. They discuss government-funded icebergs, Rose and Sven fanfic, Bill Paxton’s haircut, weird racial epithets, Jack’s invisibility bowler, and how to be naked without really looking poor. Kelly extols the virtues of a guilty Victor Garber, Tom affirms his preference for cinematic boobs and/or death, and two Cousins who avoided seeing Titanic for ove...
Pucker Up, Billy Zane!
October 15, 2012 01:34 - 1 hourIn this first of a three-part exploration of James Cameron’s bloated, beautiful, Oscar-winning Titanic, Kelly and Tom name themselves Cousins of the Week, critique the slipshod enforcement of Titanic’s health inspections, and wonder who brought all the free beer in steerage. They are also baffled by Leo Dicaprio’s lack of a Wisconsin accent, the exact location of the whore’s quarters, and what happened to Sven. All this, plus Kelly’s feelings on spaghetti, Tom’s preference for action titties,...
Jenny McCarthy, I Hope You’re Paying Attention
October 01, 2012 01:36 - 1 hourUp Yours, Downstairs! is proud to present (at long last) the “Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards” standalone episode! Herein lies a collection of fascinating facts and titillating trends from the Edwardian period, never before discussed on this podcast! The most exciting tidbits include tales of China’s Qing Dynasty (aka 100 Years of Humiliation), the convoluted culture of contraception in the UK and abroad, and a shocking revelation about Edwardian nipple piercing! Kelly contemplates to...
The Healthy Relationship Hour
September 17, 2012 01:38 - 1 hourThe second half of Julian Fellowes’ Titanic is slightly better than the first half, but not by much. Kelly and Tom bid farewell to stink town (aka Julian Fellowes’ Titanic) and discuss why Baron Julian gave Lyndsey Marshal the O’Brien treatment, the make-out scene guaranteed to put the spark back in any marriage, and whether there was any religious diversity among the survivors of the Titanic disaster. Kelly busts out her Christopher Lloyd impersonation, Tom hasn’t learned anything from Tha...
Two for the Ginger Hold!
September 03, 2012 01:39 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are vastly disappointed by the first half of Julian Fellowes’ Titanic miniseries, but that doesn’t mean there’s no fun to be had. Come along on a fantastic voyage where stops include the worst movie on IMDB, sexy Russians, and the discovery of Titanic: Blood & Steel. Your intrepid hosts also marvel at the fact that Julian Fellowes is singlehandedly employing all of Britain’s actors, English people doing American accents, and the many bitches who boarded Titanic. All this, plus ...
Crazy John’s Discount Carpet Outlet
August 20, 2012 01:41 - 1 hourKelly & Tom wrap up their recap of Manor House the way they started–by getting blasted with love and shouts and screams of joy, courtesy of returning guest, Natasha Muse! Laughs are thick on the table (like unhidden talents) as the gang invents words (like Mr. Edgar), tries to place a bet with florins (like Rob), and spend a lot of time discussing Ray Liotta’s brains (like no one in the history of ever). Tom briefly turns into a Tennessee Williams character, Kelly recounts a time her parent...
Do Give Us A Call, If In Fact You Exist
August 06, 2012 01:44 - 1 hourIn their penultimate recap of Manor House, Kelly & Tom reveal the Edwardian equivalent of Shark Week, chat about past and present problems of race in the British empire, and exhibit a strange focus on Dayton, OH. The residents of Manderston pull off both a Raj supper and fancy dress ball, Reggie Raj Singh is simultaneously sympathetic and off-putting, and Master Guy plays the drums. All this, plus the requisite Monsieur Dubiard freakout/Lord OC grossout and the return of Lavigne! Hosted o...
A Nanny of a Pickle
July 23, 2012 01:45 - 1 hourIsis ate their Tom Repeats History/Fashion Backwards homework, so Kelly & Tom host a spicy recap of Manor House Episode 4 and get really mad about fox hunting. Lavigne demonstrates Maggie Smith levels of awesomeness, Monsieur Dubiard remains the Chuck Norris of Manderston, and Master Guy delivers withering glares at the camera. While Kelly makes more obscure references than usual and plans an outreach event for prostitutes, Tom explains the difference between Jules Verne and Robert Zemeckis...
We Need To Talk About Kenny
July 09, 2012 01:47 - 1 hourComedian and bon vivant Guy Branum joins Kelly & Tom for their recap of Manor House Episode 3, “The Servants Revolt.” The group reveal their ideal roles both upstairs and down, recoil at the sight of Edwardian hairballs, and dish about their hopes for Downton Abbey Series 3. Other topics include Morrison’s O’Brien-esque tendencies, the many ways that Antonia is awesome, whether or not Kenny the Hall Boy wears makeup, the unbearable beigeness of Lord and Lady OC, and the disappointing lack of...
The Meek Shall Inherit Your Manor
June 25, 2012 01:48 - 1 hourKelly and Tom recap Manor House E2 and return to snarking as usual . After they catch up on their long-neglected correspondence, Tom develops strong feelings about fox hunting while Kelly imagines a Twilight-esque love triangle with Rob and Charlie. Meanwhile, back at Manderston, Monsieur Dubiard makes Mrs. Patmore look like Santa Claus, Mr. Edgar turns into Depressing Mr. Rogers, Lord and Lady OC remain a perfect example of why people have violent revolutions, and everyone learns how impor...
Ruthie Got Alcohol Poisoning
June 11, 2012 01:50 - 1 hourComedian (and returning guest) Natasha Muse joins Tom and Kelly as they dive into Episode One of Manor House and all the curiosity about bathroom breaks that entails. The trio discusses the worst idea since Dance Moms, the Human Centipede of alarm clocks, Jay-Z’s inevitable production of The Music Man, and the greatest bromance of 1905. Kelly waxes nostalgic for a simpler era of reality television, Tom longs for a biscuit jar, and Natasha advocates for the removal of pants. All this, plus a...
Look For It On the Internet in 1998
May 28, 2012 01:52 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom take special guest Sam Roth on a weekend trip to get all up in the loins of Gosford Park, where they encounter a surprising amount of factory rape, a mesmerizing performance from one of the lesser Dames, and Ryan Phillipe’s coffee-scented penis. Kelly perfects her impression of Kelly McDonald while Tom and Sam wear pajamas and braid each other’s mustaches. The gang also discuss the proper way to eat jam in a tuxedo, the always-giffable Maggie Smith, and invent a new line of Up...
Put On Your Christmas Socks Anyway, Part II
May 14, 2012 01:54 - 1 hourKelly & Tom’s final recap of Downton Abbey Series 2 is light on the Christmas, heavy on the special! Matthew goes full emo, Isis pulls a Great Escape, Mary mines the literary canon for humor, Jinksy gets caught with his robe on, and the hall boy speaks! Kelly & Tom wax emotional about the Cousins, try to predict what Baron Fellowes has in store for Series 3, and award this year’s final rating on the Maggie Smith Scale of Maggie Smiths! All this, plus Lord Grantham and the Terrible, Horribl...
Put On Your Christmas Socks Anyway, Part I
May 07, 2012 01:56 - 1 hourKelly and Tom wish all the Cousins happy holidays in this recap of “Christmas at Downton Abbey.” They dream of Bates roasting on an open fire, punching Thomas in the nose, Yuletide secrets that are Mary-inspired, and folks dressed up like Jack and Rose. Everybody knows a pudding and some legal woes help to make the season bright. And like Maggie said, many times, many ways, “What’s a week-end?” What’s a weekend, to you? Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
We’ll Bring the Cholera, You Do the Rest
April 30, 2012 01:58 - 2 hoursKelly & Tom wrap up Downton Abbey Series 2 with a neat little mourning armband and a rollicking case of Spanish influenza. They decry the tomfoolery of Baron Julian, propose articles for Sir Richard Carlisle’s weekly newspaper column, debate Pope-marrying etiquette, chronicle Robert’s rise to Full Grantham, and get way too excited to finally see the dim lights of Ripon. Kelly impersonates a succession of old drunken British dudes, Tom answers the age-old riddle, “How is McG like a goldfish,...
Because Nothing Bad Rhymes With April
April 22, 2012 05:59 - 1 hourIt’s business as usual in this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E7 as Kelly and Tom chat about the Edwardian equivalent of Yahoo! Answers, Sir Richard’s epigrams, Grantham Bucks, Jane’s possible alcoholism, the Sallie Mae Shed of Failure, the zenith/nadir of Lady Mary’s bitchery, the capabilities of knickers, and Lord Grantham’s post-war hipster proclivities. They also lament the lack of Downton’s saloon, advise listeners on teabag-steeping, and Kelly says “luncheon” a lot. Plus, super-size Teleg...
Rupert Murdoch’s Gotta Wet His Beak
April 16, 2012 02:01 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom are joined by Boars, Gore, and Swords co-hosts Ivan Hernandez and Red Scott for the most upsetting episode of this podcast ever. In their recap of Downton Abbey S2:E6, the gang chats about all things Canadian, Downton’s own Scrooge McDuck, the emergence of the “Jaters,” Mrs. Patmore on Hoarders, what men get up to behind the bicycle shed, and two more DA spinoffs! Also, Ivan flips out about DC’s New 52, Red flips out about Scottish people, and everyone plans to meet up 200 yea...
All the Gingers Are At the Front
April 09, 2012 02:03 - 1 hourKelly and Tom make plans to maintain their sanity, advise the Cousins about driving safety, and go for a spin on “Whore Mansion.” They also speculate about William’s new mother, babies with mustaches, the probability that Matthew is the Antichrist or Darth Vader, champagne brunches, Daisy’s stress relief, the feasibility of chucking a bullet, the appropriate sound effects to accompany Mrs. Bates, and the total horrorshow that was World War I. Also, everyone cries during Downton Abbey S2:E5,...
Ripon: City of a Thousand Dreams
April 02, 2012 02:04 - 1 hourAt last, Kelly & Tom record a recap that’s not two hours long! They still manage to discuss Downton Abbey S2:E4 in its entirety, explain last week’s Character Ceasefire SNAFU, and rewrite a number of popular songs for your amusement. Other topics include Thomas’ futuristic sack, an attempt to delete sarcasm, Simon Pegg-leg’s cameo, the Edwardian version of the Mos Eisley cantina, Mary’s strange aversion to concerts, the depths of McG’s stone-cold bitchery, and Sybil’s Sense & Sensibility re...
Now That’s One Irish Monkey
March 27, 2012 00:40 - 1 hourKelly and Tom draw the inevitable Narnia comparisons in this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E3, and discuss the logistics of being a monkey’s uncle, the one and only Batman, whether or not Mr. Bates is a purity ball, Edwardian Cosmo, Double 00-Edith, the cure for Lord Grantam’s trench evy, and PBS euphamisms for sex acts. Along the way, they encounter omnisexual handmaidens, proto-Kardashians, and a mean set of hypno bangs. In addition, Kelly is enraged by skittles, Tom knows nothing about Fiddl...
In Your Face, Bridget Jones!
March 19, 2012 02:19 - 1 hourIn this recap of Downton Abbey S2:E2, Kelly and Tom geek out because Adebisi is following them on Twitter, come out in favor of embroidery, and suss out some really depressing facts about World War I. Back on the farm, Edith has her most interesting plot to date, McG impersonates Napoleon, Thomas fails to kickstart the Edwardian “It Gets Better” campaign, Ethel greets all of Downton’s unexpected guests, Lord Grantham throws a tantrum, and Miss O’Brien’s heart grows three sizes in one episode...
If I Don’t Come Back, Blackmail My Mother
March 12, 2012 02:21 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom come roaring out of hiatus for Downton Abbey S2:E1 to introduce a very saucy replacement ginger, explore Kelly’s canine obsession, plant a flag for the new nation of Batesylvania, proclaim that nail-filing is the new smoking, expose Tom’s crush on silent film star Clara Bow, unexpectedly root for O’Brien, do lots of all-caps SOBBING, and discuss whether or not the Dowager Countess would have been a Trekkie. They also catch up on correspondence from several cousins, declare a Ch...
How Many Packs of Marlboro Lights Is It Gonna Take?
February 27, 2012 03:22 - 2 hoursThis recap of Downton Abbey S1:E7 is supersized, so don’t feel obligated to listen to it in one sitting. Sam Roth of “Rigged Up” joins Kelly and Tom to brainstorm countless Downton spinoffs, dispute Mrs. Hughes’ made-up vocabulary, implement the Schlieffenplan, wonder whether Mary is older than Battlestar Galactica, critique the experimental film hidden in the episode, and cheer one of the most satisfactory face-punchings in television history. Following Sam’s impassioned defense of O’Brien,...
The Pluckiest Little Overbite You Ever Did See
February 20, 2012 03:23 - 1 hourThis recap of Downton Abbey S1:E6 is accompanied by the sounds of the wild Patmore and Carson’s tardy dressing gong as Kelly and Tom consider the effects of breeding on being patronizing, McG’s scheming prowess, Julian Fellowes’ private life, how to get Batesed, Daisy’s belated self-awareness, the trouble with fairies, the difference between a crush and a concussion, and the way that nothing bad ever starts in Germany. In addition, they announce the trivia contest winner, read some freaky-be...
Every Little Thing She Does Is Boring Magic
February 13, 2012 03:25 - 1 hourKelly and Tom dodge bullets, drop balls, and have a quaff of ale in their recap of Downton Abbey S1:E5. They still find time to chat about Laura Linney’s smug, punchable face, how to prepare for dinner at Baron Julian Fellowes’ house, Mr. Bates versus Jesus, Cousin Isobel’s amphetamine-powered nagging, the siren song of the Downton Village flower show, Matthew and Mary’s long journey to first base, the perpetual petrification of Daisy, and a new children’s book called A Tree for Edith. They...
This is Edwardian England, You Dumbnut
February 06, 2012 03:27 - 1 hourKelly and Tom take a ride on the Good Ship Maggie Smith as they recap Downton Abbey S1:E4. On their journey, they discuss various ways Mary Crawley might kill herself, make inevitable Clue jokes, come down with a case of Thomas fever, investigate the ancestries of Kelly Clarkson and Morrisey, and find out how hard people who are not Sybil fought for the vote. Tom reveals that he is a fan of Daisy’s hat while Kelly sits in the hall. They make an important announcement that affects ALL of th...