Up Yours, Downstairs! A Downton Abbey Podcast
253 episodes - English - Latest episode: over 3 years ago - ★★★★★ - 439 ratingsThe podcast that watched Downton Abbey so you didn't have to is still going! Just like your favorite British period piece, but with more feelings and swears! Bask in the glory of Dame Maggie Smith as hilarious Anglophiles Kelly Anneken & Amy Schneider explore the class struggle, history, fashion, and the art of staring wistfully into the middle distance on Downton Abbey, The Crown, Mr. Selfridge, Peaky Blinders, every Titanic film ever made, Pride & Prejudice, and much more!
Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
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Episodes
Colin Firth Plus Water Equals Profit!
May 08, 2017 02:46 - 48 minutes - 22.2 MBKelly & Tom finally take the plunge into their long-awaited Patreon sponsored coverage of Pride & Prejudice! They agree that Jane looks like a giraffe, speculate about Caroline Bingley's fake geek girl activity, declare Mr. Collins a social disease, criticize CBS, and learn some very weird stuff about rat urine. Kelly's going back to therapy, Tom is like Mr. Darcy, and everyone explains the premium-cable hierarchy of social events in Regency England. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy f...
Red All Over Teaser
April 09, 2017 23:22 - 21 minutesSpecial preview! Fake news, oppressive patriarchy, and an overall impending sense of doom: Join “Aunt” Kelly Anneken and Molly “Ofmitchell” Sanchez as we discuss this and more in Red All Over, a podcast based on The Handmaid’s Tale and weirdly not on current events. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Mailbag Fun Dust-Up
April 03, 2017 01:23 - 46 minutesKelly and Tom belatedly return with the promised Mailbag Fun Dust-Up! Thanks to all the cousins who sent in telegrams, this (literally) wouldn’t be possible without you! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Corgi Ennoblement Act of 1763
March 13, 2017 01:05 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are on their own for their recap of The Crown S1E10, having been stood up by not one but two separate gingers. They discuss their forthcoming Mailbag Fun Dustup, the newest Patreon goal, the Cave of Wonders tiger with the pierced ear in Aladdin, the cure for Ryan Murphy, TLM’s need to constantly butt in, their preference for Martin Charteris over Michael Adeane, diabolical sex beasts, and whether or not Tom looks like Porchey. Kelly says old people shouldn’t vote, Tom is the dicta...
The Adventures of Time-Traveling Temple Grandin
March 06, 2017 01:36 - 1 hourKelly & Tom recap S1E9 of The Crown, which is Kelly’s favorite episode! They encourage people to give up on their dreams, feel bad for Toby Jones, talk about rickety horse ankles and horse therapy, identify the partying-est king ever, create about three different spinoff series, get annoyed by gay Lefou, and have fish and chips because it’s Lent. Kelly is glad Phillip Seymour Hoffman is dead, Tom doesn’t know anything about Godot, and everyone’s research is woefully incompetent. Hosted on A...
Bring Back Mamie Bangs
February 26, 2017 23:35 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are joined by Kelly’s internet love, illustrator & cartoonist Levi Hastings, for their recap of The Crown S1E8. The hosts are really coming around on the show, and they appreciate the character development of the Queen Mum, wish that everyone could impulse buy a castle when they are sad, take the controversial position that patriarchy is no fun, love the comedy stylings of Princess Margaret, get excited about Liz’s gay fashion designer, and suffer from Nazi fatigue. Kelly finally ...
HRH Spocktopus
February 20, 2017 00:24 - 1 hourKelly & Tom welcome back guest Allison Mick for their recap of The Crown S1E7. They patronize 1-800-AMERICA, clash in the eternal pugs v. Corgis matchup, say lots of things like they’re from Boston, wish Winston Churchill was dead (on the show), rate Pringles mustaches, try to make raven-poking seem family friendly, compare Heath Ledger to Pootie Tang, and pitch a Liz/Tweedy Hogg spinoff. Kelly still doesn’t have her shit together, Tom says the Chicago Tribune drools, and Allison thinks fores...
All The Harpies Were In A Kick Line
February 13, 2017 01:05 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are back on their own with this recap of The Crown S1E6. They like the episode, but cannot help asking “Why is show?” Scooby-Doo ghostwrites part of UYDS, Princess Margaret has 99 problems, a piece of fluff outweighs Joseph Stalin, the horrifying origins of the Rhodes scholarship is revealed, Wallis Simpson continues to have few lines, white supremacists are alienated, and Prince Philip doesn’t realize he’s beaten the game. Kelly doesn’t get much out of The Anarchist’s Cookbook, T...
King Fred Durst
February 06, 2017 01:13 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are joined by The History Chicks co-host Beckett Graham for their recap of The Crown S1E5. They wax frustrated about their feelings on the DO Dubs, replace King Lane Pryce’s face with Colin Firth’s, note Liz’s lifelong taste in cardigans, discuss the relative tackiness of crowns fictional and factual, participate in some pantomimery, bristle at Mountbatten’s period appropriate homophobia,and wonder if Peter Morgan is playing a deeper game. Kelly has difficulty pronouncing everyth...
Some Of Plenty Of Things Is Good
January 30, 2017 01:33 - 1 hourFor their recap of The Crown, S1E4, Tom and Kelly welcome Failure to Launch co-host and noted critic of The Crown Molly Sanchez! Together, they cough-shame London, pitch an adaptation of Devil in the White City, discuss Sky Law, wonder about the Buffalo Bill of sheep, agree that humanity sucks apart from inventing Hot Cheetos with Lime and strawberry sour belts, spot a cameo from Jimmy Carter, and call the wind Donora. Kelly has a rare butt deficiency, Tom reminds us that women can be writers...
Double Rizzo
January 23, 2017 01:46 - 2 hoursA very hungry Kelly & Tom welcome back guest Natasha Muse for their recap of The Crown S1E3, and they spend a lot of time complaining about how their pizza didn’t get delivered. They also come up with a hit pop single, describe the Kato Kaelin of England, go to the BroB/Gyn, CGI a mustache, break the fourth wall a bunch of times, try to get to the bottom of Prince Albert in a can, discuss the transitive axiom in RE Winston Churchill, and enjoy some secondhand Malkovich. Kelly stops trying to ...
The King’s Sassy Address To Parliament
January 16, 2017 04:21 - 1 hourIn their recap of The Crown S1E2, Kelly & Tom cover all three dimensions. They discuss the water of sexual harassment, Britain’s difficulty with filming its colonial history, interchangeable feet, gypsy curses, and a genuinely heartbreaking moment. Kelly nearly does a spit take, Tom writes a new Cole Porter song, and everyone agrees that Victoria is a dumb name. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Take a Hit, Sugar Cookie
January 10, 2017 05:47 - 2 hoursKelly & Tom welcome Red Scott of Boars, Gore & Swords for their first recap of the Netflix Original The Crown. They are relieved to report it is an actual show (unlike late period Selfridge) and delighted as they witness the toff version of a company offsite, explain what Gogglebox is, rate the many portrayals of Churchill, and take advantage of numerous opportunities to impersonate Kif from Futurama. All this, plus the return of Fashion Backwards and Tom Repeats History as Kelly extols the v...
The Palm Court: The Godsomething
December 26, 2016 01:11 - 49 minutesKelly & Tom dip into their bottomless well of floozy jokes for their recap of the final episode of Mr. Selfridge. They speculate on the George Towler/baby intelligence continuum, wish Lady Mae would join a sort of Parisian First Wives’ Club, chat about Trading Spaces, continue whining about the absence of Beatrice, declare Mr. Selfridge the Jimmy Fallon of retail magnates, don’t recognize Meryl, and come up with a Selfridge Babies spin-off. Kelly loves casseroles, Tom wishes the IRA still did...
The Palm Court: Seven Brides For Seven Selfridges
December 19, 2016 00:50 - 41 minutesKelly and Tom soldier bravely on through their recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E9. They are pretty sure time is still a flat circle, George Towler is still a super genius, Alan Greenspan gets name-checked, Mr. Grove is cross from beyond the grave, and Eyebrows has a brand-new bag. Kelly can’t remember the name of the book Mr. Selfridge is based on, Tom discovers Circopedia.com, and everyone continues to make fun of Jeremy Piven’s mercury poisoning. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more i...
The Palm Court: One Department, One Man!
December 11, 2016 23:51 - 48 minutesIn this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E8, Kelly and Tom really lay into Eyeliner for pretending to solve racism. They finally bid Mr. Grove a not particularly fond farewell, wonder why New New Gordon’s kids are wearing dresses, applaud Mr. Crabb’s business reasons, and continue to marvel at Jimmy Dillon’s swank apartment from the 1980s. Kelly correctly identifies morphine, Tom explains how to win a Newbery medal, and everyone gathers for drinks at the Nepotists’ Lounge. Hosted on Acast. See acas...
The Palm Court: Queen Blanket-For-A-Face
December 05, 2016 01:13 - 44 minutesKelly & Tom shout a list of the most British things they know in this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E7. They also shout NO at Lady Mae and Kitty a bunch of times, encourage Mr. Selfridge to finally hire a lawyer, talk smack about Spinner from Degrassi, and briefly experience actual feelings. Kelly invents Floozies Anonymous, Tom makes a reservation for Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, and everyone wonders how this series can keep getting worse. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
The Palm Court: Goons Are People Too
November 28, 2016 02:01 - 58 minutesKelly & Tom shout a collective “WTF” in this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E6. They marvel at the Picture of Dorian’s Uncle, wonder how much actual time has passed this season, question Fraser’s fitness as butler, gloat as Mr. Selfridge finally has to pay his bill, and nominate a much better head of security than George Towler. Kelly lets loose her opinions on Gilmore Girls, Tom explains how Europe works, and the drop waist continues its tyranny. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more i...
The Palm Court: Stop Confusing Our Baby!
November 21, 2016 00:52 - 56 minutesKelly & Tom record their recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E5 live from a Burger King! Not really, but what an idea! They continue to not do their research as Bumby Wallace makes his stunning, fictional debut, Harry continues to not pay his bills, the shambling corpse of Grardle lurches on, Meryl continues to not be able to act in either a literal or meta sense, there is a severe lack of Tillie AND Beatrice, and George Towler: Medical Experiment continues unabated. Kelly name-checks Tuck Everlasting, ...
The Palm Court: First Rule of Rumpelstiltskin
November 13, 2016 21:39 - 1 hourKelly & Tom choose to be…a Ritz in this recap of Mr. Selfridge S4E4. They confirm that they are not watching Game of Thrones, have numerous criticisms of AA Milne and Christopher Robin, criticize Mustache’s life choices, wish for a Mardle/Kitty spin-off, and talk even more smack about floozies. Kelly reveals her favorite phone number, Tom reveals that Bob is his uncle, and everyone looks forward to the publication of “Crabbe makes a call.” Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more inf...
The Palm Court: Automatic Bzooty, Chapter 1, Verse 5
November 07, 2016 00:48 - 1 hourKelly and Tom establish a trust with Mr. Selfridge S4E3, because they like to gamble like rich people. They also breathe a sigh of relief about Kitty’s childbearing prospects, hate Meryl AND Mr. Grove, confuse Violette for Rosalie, continue to question why Mr. Selfridge is drinking so much, marvel at Elizabeth Arden’s messy suite, wonder if Chekhov’s Philandering Pilot will ever show up, and everyone tries to name all the gingers on the show. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more ...
The Palm Court: Nothing Worse Than a Tardy Floozy
October 31, 2016 00:03 - 1 hourKelly and Tom realize that S4E2 of Mr. Selfridge is as far as they watched, so it’s all new to them from here on out. They feel that the credits music is getting more and more inappropriate each week, clock two named black characters in the episode (good job, Eyeliner; your move, Baron Julian), lament the loss of the tea emporium alongside Mr. Crabbe, look disapprovingly at the Artful Porter’s development, and say goodbye to a mostly beloved character as Harry goes on and on and on… Hosted ...
The Palm Court: I’m Glad We’re Living In the Crap Age
October 24, 2016 02:42 - 1 hourKelly and Tom return at last with their very belated coverage of Mr. Selfridge S4E1! They struggle to remember why they hated this season so very much, herald the return of Lady Mae, welcome two brand new floozies and a very ugly mug, lament the continued absence of Miss Towler and Monsieur LeClair, plan to see Harry “next fall,”and everyone demands to know when we can expect Our Dark Mistress Beatrice to finally darken the doors of Selfridge’s once more in accordance with the prophecy. Hos...
Family Meeting: That’s One Gay Ghost
July 18, 2016 02:05 - 1 hourKelly & Tom completely geek out over the S3 finale of Peaky Blinders–so much so they have to totally wing the final scene. They cross their fingers for the return of Horse Bitch in S4, declare Tatiana the winner of Peaky Blinders, note that all the guys got new hats, and marvel yet again at Tom Hardy’s awesomeness. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Family Meeting: Bowie Take The Wheel
July 11, 2016 03:34 - 29 minutesKelly and Tom recap the penultimate episode of Peaky Blinders S3 and hope for a happy ending for Pol, wonder if it’s too soon for Bowie’s Lazarus (it’s never too soon), reflect on the awesomeness of Russian lingerie, celebrate the return of Alfie Solomons, and demand a BAFTA for Paul Anderson. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Family Meeting: We Call It “Death Spin”
June 26, 2016 23:58 - 36 minutesKelly & Tom thoroughly enjoy recapping S3E4 of Peaky Blinders (the Entourage or Walking Dead of the UK, depending on who you’re talking to), one of the show’s best hours. They discuss the highly upsetting 1953 film Lili, the Shelby women finally getting their cool af day in the sun, Kelly’s awareness of Latin, Tom’s remembrance of a Dunkin’ Donuts campaign, and mashing up Peaky Blinders with It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Family Meeting: Donations Immediately Plummeted
June 20, 2016 05:21 - 44 minutes - 20.6 MBKelly & Tom recap Peaky Blinders S3E3 and discuss content licensing, educated whales, spooky horses, the film Reservoir Dogs, and all the other tv they've been watching this summer. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Family Meeting: Too Much Mumbling, Not Enough Ska
June 13, 2016 05:19 - 1 hour - 34.9 MBKelly & Tom are joined for their recap of Peaky Blinders S3E2 by the esteemed Dowager Cousin Jackie! They discuss non-vaginal sapphires, Soviet SVU, acceptable amounts of tea slurping, and whether or not pizza is allowed in Britain. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Family Meeting: Kafka’s Children’s Book
June 05, 2016 22:08 - 1 hourKelly and Tom finally return to their podcasting ways with this recap of Peaky Blinders S3E1! They continue to say GRAAAAAAAACE despite no longer having much of a reason to, have a surprising discussion of Thornton Wilder’s Our Town, try to decide where aristocrats go, wonder why Arthur is suddenly the voice of reason, lust after Tommy Shelby 2.0, and fail to remember Jeremiah’s son’s name. Kelly hollers at the harmful one, Tom makes a really excellent pun, and everyone demands a box of wine....
For Further Information, See The Name Of Our Podcast
March 14, 2016 00:03 - 1 hourAnd so Downton Abbey ends, not with a bang, but with a Denker. Kelly & Tom recap S6E9 in slightly more emotional fashion than usual, but they still manage to pitch the spinoff “McG: Hospital Administrator,” wonder why Matthew Goode didn’t just take a job as Downton’s butler, hope that the eventual Downton movie is called “In the Boot Room,” promise to invite a unicorn on the podcast, visit OldPeopleBone.com, come up with a better name for Rose’s baby, and talk smack about period maternity clo...
The Uncanny Valley Of Happiness
March 07, 2016 00:48 - 2 hoursIn Part One of their two-part recap of the Downton Abbey finale, Kelly and Tom fight off tears as they come to the end of a long, strange journey. They give Highclere Castle what-for, reveal Andy’s secret fashion design career, discuss the origins of Molesley’s baldness, long for the return of the Donk, praise Cruikshank’s villainy, suggest a Dr. Seuss book about Thomas Barrow, unveil the true meaning of “puttin’ on the Ritz,” and discover who the real crash widow of the episode is. Kelly exp...
The Golly Gumdrops Hour With Kelly And Tom
February 24, 2016 05:30 - 2 hoursKelly and Tom celebrate the penultimate episode of Downton Abbey with an extra-long discussion of S6E8. They pine for an Edith: Pig in the City spinoff, shoutout Branson’s monkey nephew, lament the lost potential of Charles Blake, reveal a surprise Gibson Girl winner, decide that Mary’s bitchery is the real turn-up, wonder about Hitler hipsters, debate the best way to Cruikshank, promise to watch Room 237 again, deride Thomas’ gay bathtub of despair, and remember the foxes of yesteryear. Kell...
To Pee On All My Priceless Possessions
February 15, 2016 03:26 - 1 hourKelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S6E7 with as much panache and flair as the Dowager Countess delivering an epic takedown. They try to comfort Spratt with promises of a denk-free existence, rename Edith’s magazine, miss Charles Blake, lose their minds over a puppy, recall the episode of Step By Step where JT has dyslexia, and speculate about crying dresses. Kelly explains how smoking changed (after the war), Tom revisits old-timey car races, and everyone is thrilled to hear Matthew Goode say “p...
I’m The Oracle Now!
February 08, 2016 01:33 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are very happy to report that they loved Downton Abbey S6E6, as is made clear in their recap. They reminisce about a time when helicopter parenting hadn’t been invented, wonder how Mary would find a new corpse girl, poke a lot of holes in the hospital storyline, shake their heads at Andy, defend McG’s cat pillows, bring up the Olive Garden, and promise more sparkling impressions in the future. Kelly throws some shade at Baron Fellowes’ take on the plight of great houses, Tom finds...
Consumer Reports Can Suck it!
February 01, 2016 02:28 - 1 hourKelly & Tom recap Downton Abbey S6E5 (but don’t forget to taste the Instant Take) and wonder why a servant is like a comma, decide that Tom should be Spratt for Halloween, make a Cockerton judgement, marvel at Andy’s acceptance of homosexuality, lament the lack of Whore Institute t-shirts, and plan to cut a baby in half. Kelly delves into the weird world of Pyrex cookware, Tom talks Tangiers, and everyone is excited about a possible new project for Jim Parsons. Hosted on Acast. See acast.co...
They Paved Pig Farm, And Put Up a Parking Lot
January 25, 2016 00:34 - 1 hourIn their recap of Downton Abbey S6E4, Kelly & Tom may have had a bit too much coffee as they declare these to be the show’s “Holly J years.” They also contemplate the implementation of ovesters, wonder why Downton is suddenly filled with sexual innuendo, speculate about port-related injuries, explain Satan’s only weakness, remind everyone to never shake a Baxter, and reiterate that surprises ruin relationships. Kelly does a terrible job of pronouncing “Diaghilev,” Tom offers background on the...
Ruth Buzzi Better Watch Her Back
January 18, 2016 01:42 - 1 hourIn their recap of Downton Abbey S6E3, Kelly & Tom discuss the cost of a sucking pig, forget that The Secret Garden is a musical, revel in another Isobel/Dowager fight, wonder why the twins from The Shining are at the Hugheson wedding, meet Tubby McFlopsweat & Rarebit, and wonder if Baron Julian is just flushing out a Google Doc of unused Dowager Quipz. Kelly covers the original hipsters–stamp collectors, Tom outlines the war of the Austrian succession, and everyone wonders what the opposite o...
A Spring In My Cervix
January 11, 2016 00:45 - 1 hourKelly & Tom are as lost as a Gutenberg Bible in their recap of Downton Abbey S6E2. They talk a lot about pigs and other fat stock, wish the Dowager wore more codpieces, revisit their favorite Ripon jokes, pour one out for poor Mr. Pamuk, imagine a meeting between Baron Fellowes and George RR Martin, and explain where horseradish comes from. Kelly claims that Edith’s repeated baby-stealing was completely legal, Tom covers the shockingly recent medical advancements the Dowager doesn’t want at t...
Thirsk Is For Lovers
January 04, 2016 01:36 - 1 hourKelly & Tom practically fall off a horse in excitement as they embark on their recaps of Downton Abbey‘s final series. In S6E1, they discover a new position downstairs, meet the Darnleys, wonder if LG is jealous that he didn’t get to go to Liverpool with Gilly, roll their eyes at Denker’s denkishness, celebrate the apparent end of Murder Prison, and they both decide to just give up and get on board the Carson/Hughes ship. Kelly talks smack about the Bloomsbury Set, Tom reveals a very weird Na...
Downton Abbey Instant Take S06E09
December 26, 2015 00:01 - 36 minutesKelly & Tom give their instant opinions on Downton Abbey S6E9 (the final Christmas Special). If you want to give us a shout out, or otherwise give us a piece of your mind, email us, check us out on Facebook, or Tweet us. If you want do directly support the podcasts we do, please check out our page on Subbable, and earn some cool rewards! As always, we appreciate any love you can give us on iTunes, and your patronage of our amazon affiliate link, amazon.baldmove.com. Remember, when you use o...
12 Days of Downton – Nativity!
December 25, 2015 00:24 - 1 hour12 Days of Downton reaches its triumphant conclusion! Tom and Kelly are joined by Dowager Cousin Jackie, as they discuss Nativity!, featuring a (very brief) appearance by Phyllis Logan! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – Hogfather
December 24, 2015 01:32 - 38 minutes12 Days of Downton continues with Hogfather, starring Michelle Dockery! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe
December 23, 2015 00:02 - 34 minutes12 Days of Downton continues with The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, featuring Lesley Nicol! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days Of Downton – A Christmas Star
December 21, 2015 21:04 - 16 minutes12 Days of Downton continues with A Christmas Star, featuring Rob James Collier! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – The Golden Compass
December 21, 2015 04:21 - 55 minutes12 Days of Downton continues with The Golden Compass, featuring Jim Carter! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – Mr. Stink
December 20, 2015 01:30 - 33 minutes12 Days of Downton continues with Mr. Stink, starring Hugh Bonneville! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – From Time to Time
December 19, 2015 04:22 - 44 minutes12 Days of Downton reaches the halfway point with From Time to Time, written and directed by Julian Fellowes, and featuring Maggie Smith, Hugh Bonneville, Allen Leech, Daisy Lewis, Harriet Walter, and David Robb! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – Alice Through the Looking Glass
December 18, 2015 01:37 - 36 minutes12 Days of Downton continues with Alice Through the Looking Glass, featuring Penelope Wilton! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – Paddington
December 17, 2015 01:26 - 1 hour12 Days of Downton continues with Paddington, starring Hugh Bonneville! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
12 Days of Downton – The Witches
December 16, 2015 01:03 - 52 minutes12 Days of Downton continues, with The Witches, featuring an all-too-brief cameo from Jim Carter! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.