57. Unveiling the Ugly Truth Behind Our Beautiful Relationship with Tiffany Lee

Knowing who's “The One”: Even when I felt hurt by the person, there was something that makes my heart want to fully forgive and love despite the actions or whatever that might've occurred that hurt me.

 

Recognizing destructive patterns in relationships: Tensions are just a lot of the old patterns that we play out in our lives--avoidant personality or not actually being present in the relationship, self-sabotaging. We grow up with traumas and they could sit in our brain and sometimes act to prevent us from being who we really are. They're used to protect us and destructive patterns develop because of that.

 

Ways to break destructive patterns: Meditation. Breathwork. Psychedelics. Ayahuasca.

 

Being willing to work it out is how you’ll realize that the challenges, obstacles, and ugliness in the relationship are actually the gifts for us to see where we've been hurt, how to heal them, and how to move forward. 

 

Attachment Styles: Learning these attachment styles is important because it can give you some awareness of the differences in how you interact with each other. Avoidant, anxious, and secure types. Avoidant people in the insecure spectrum don't like conflict. They tend to be very independent because they guard their heart and don't want to rely on anybody and other people to rely on them. 

 

Attachment Styles: Learning these attachment styles is important because it can give you some awareness of the differences in how you interact with each other. Avoidant, anxious, and secure types.

 

We build up these attachment styles based on how we grow up, our relationship with our parents, and what tended to happen when there was stress in our lives at a very young age. 

I want to run away now, but can I wake up to the fact that this is a pattern that's running in my life, and can I show up anyway? Ask yourself, how do you want to show up?

 

Complementing each other’s love language.

 

Addressing conflict in the relationship: It takes a process of recognizing the patterns.

 

Creating Space and ACT: Create a space to activate the parasympathetic nervous system (take a walk and 10 deep breaths) and then ACT-- Awareness, Choice and Take action.

 

Awareness. Notice whether you're in that triggered state, the false beliefs. 

 

Choose. Choose your intention, the way you want to react

 

Take action.

 

The beautiful part of relationships includes going through ups and downs, and in the process, constantly wanting to become better, to evolve, see the parts that need to be healed, and give ourselves the parts that we want from the other person. 

 

If you are the one that's more open, go for yourself first and it will reflect the work that you're doing to your partner naturally. You can't force someone to do work that they don't want to do. 

 

You could take a step back and actually see the ride happening. By stepping back, you see that you have access to new choices and new ways of thinking and behaving to transform that relationship. 

 

Tips from Tiffany: Nurture yourself first for the relationship to really grow. When you're in that more positive state, you're able to respond a lot better. 

 

From Kien: Remember that a relationship is a place to give and not to get. You can't ask others to give us something that we're not ready to give ourselves. Avoid the 3Cs - close off, complain, or/and control. For women, don't make them feel unseen, unsafe, and unheard.

 

Tiffany’s best medicine: Self-reflection.