Stinker Madness - The Bad Movie Podcast
608 episodes - English - Latest episode: 12 days ago - ★★★★ - 41 ratingsStinker Madness is a bad movie podcast that loves horrible films that might actually be wonderful little gems. Or they could suck. Cult, budget and "bad" movies twice a week.
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Episodes
Batman Forever - More butts and nipples!
December 31, 2018 23:45 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIt's raining bats! Hallelujah! Nothing needs a little sexy sprinkled into it like Batman. Joel Schumacher decides that what the masses want to see are a bunch of butts in spandex. Now with nipples! Batman Forever is a bit of a pill to swallow. Going from the very pale and stark Tim Burton films to this is a complete 180 shift. It's bright, vivid, colorful, loud, and filled with butts. It's like Ricky Martin was a technical adviser. Some might have a serious issue with this. But I ask you o...
I Believe in Santa Claus - I don't believe this movie, though
December 17, 2018 23:58 - 1 hour - 8.04 MB"When the leader of the African rebels starts to interrogate Santa Claus and his fairy friend as CIA spies - " is the start of a sentence that someone must say after watching this film. Shortly afterwards it's "then his kids grab some guns to free Santa from the rebels". WTF? I Believe in Santa Claus (or J'ai rencontré le Père Noël in the original French) is a baffling film that turns out is just a vehicle for soundtrack sales that led to a Milli Vanilli situation - so possibly story took a...
Deck the Halls - Your dick is out
December 11, 2018 00:09 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWhen it comes to the Christmas Flop, there's not too many floppier than 2006's Deck the Halls. I could be the groan-inducing jokes, the two one-time (and future) A-listers with their careers on the skids, or the really cliche and played plot. But mostly it's just that you hate the characters and want them to explode in a ball of fire. Both of these men are horrible people. Which works great in a forum like Always Sunny but not so much in the yearly family outing at the movie theater with th...
Batman Returns - Without Batman!
December 04, 2018 00:43 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWell if Die Hard is an Xmas Movie well so is this turd. Batman makes his debut on the show, yet manages to avoid being in the Batman movie. Catwoman is the un-sexy. Walkan doesn't Walkan out and Danny Devito gets thrown under the bus. Everything people think about this film is wrong. First off, and here's you breaking point - BATMAN ISN'T IN THE BATMAN MOVIE!!! At the 1 hour mark, Batman has only been in the "Batman" movie for 123 seconds. Second off, Catwoman is sold hard to be sexy. But...
The Happening - No One Knows
November 26, 2018 23:19 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBThe film that puts you directly into the mind of the characters and the writer/director at the same time - you'll feel confusion and without direction. By the end you'll be giving the same answer as the movie - "I don't know!" Not even M. Knight can say what this movie is directly about. Ask him 6 different times and you'll get 6 different answers. One could put this into the sub-genre of disaster movies, but please, someone tell us definitively what the disaster is. The best that can be do...
Howard the Duck - What is it?
November 21, 2018 00:48 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIt's been a long time coming and it's now finally time to delve into the complexities of the dark comedy/action thriller about a duck, man. George Lucas puts on his producer hat and then proceeds to lose all the money. Howard the Duck is one of the hardest films we've ever had to review. Not because its that hard to watch (although it's chock full of groan worthy moments), but just because it's so hard to determine what the heck it is. Is it a kids movie? Is it a comedy? What's the moral or...
The Charles Bronson Unspectacular
November 12, 2018 22:26 - 45 minutes - 8.04 MBJustin and Sam fly solo with Jackie being served Brundle-Steak in St. Louis. Instead of bumping Sam's segment week after week, he's getting his own show to discuss 15 Charles Bronson movies - hope you like guys that don't act! Bronson Reviews - ALL on Amazon Prime Farewell, Friend Rider in the Rain The Mechanic Mr. Majestyk Death Wish (again) Love and Bullets Death Wish II (again) 10 to Midnight The Evil That Men Do Death Wish 3 (again) Death Wish 4: The Crackdown Streaming Do's...
Howling II: Wait..hold on. MY Sister's a Werewolf?
October 29, 2018 21:43 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBBuckle up for banana business as were-monkey-wolves try to throw a killer birthday party. Every body is invited. Leave your head at the door. It'll be a bloody good time. Ok..well unless Christopher Lee and some townies are party-crashers. Then you'll get shot up pretty good. When you put Reb Brown next to Sir Christopher Lee, and then have a bunch of guys in Planet of the Apes costumes pretend (or not?) be werewolves, you're destined to have a mind-boggling mess on your hands. This thing i...
Exorcist II: The Heretic - Satan is a nepotistic boss
October 22, 2018 21:20 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBSix (count them - SIX!) Oscar nominated actors took a look at this garbage script and STILL signed up to do it. It's absolutely nonsensical. It's painfully boring. And it ALL sucks butt. Blech. It's like they tried to say something in this film but had no idea what that was before they reached the end of the writing, so they just crammed in a bunch of nonsense to try to make a statement. If anyone can decipher what that statement is.... The acting stinks but not in a fun way. It looks like...
The Midnight Man - He's a lonely monster, be his friend.
October 15, 2018 21:50 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBA couple ding-dongs find a box with some stuff in it, so their only choice is to summon a crappy version of Slender Man and have him chase them around until 3:33am. Meanwhile you've got Grandma upstairs complaining about the trouble-makers in Selma, absolutely no reward if you beat the game, and a villain with dubious intentions. Hope you all like lengthy rules! Soooo many rules! The length of the rules of summoning Midnight Man need to have a team of professional editors go through them. Y...
The Return of Swamp Thing - You got owned, Wes
October 08, 2018 22:06 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBHow do you follow up Wes Craven's directing? You call Jim Wynorski? And he totally shows Wes how its done? Wow. Fan-Fave Jim showcases how you have fun with a failed superhero property. Replace Zach Snyder right now, DC! The polarization between the two versions of Swamp Thing is night and day. It's known within the first 15 seconds as shown by the opening scroll: "Once upon a time....in the swamp!" Boom. Then 8 minutes later we get a real vision of what we are in for - a Swamp Thing cos...
Swamp Thing - Budget in the Bayou!
October 01, 2018 23:13 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBNothing says the follow-up to Superman like a budget movie, right? It's that weird mix of camp, bad costumes, a busty lady, and villians of dubious intent. Oh, and it's also a fairy-tale love story. WTF is Swamp Thing? It's surprisingly bad. Nothing can prepare you for how crummy this film is. You've got all the pieces that should make for an OK movie - the established Wes Craven only 2 years before his masterpiece. Adrienne Barbeau hot off her run of John Carpenter films, Ray Wise on his w...
Collision Course - Not Rush Hour
September 24, 2018 21:38 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBNothing says comedy team-up like when a street-wise cop has to be the American ambassador to a martial-arts packing fellow officer from the East to take down an international crime syndicate. Boy that sounds familiar. Unfortunately for everyone involved, this is NOT Rush Hour. All uncanny resemblance to Rush Hour aside, there's not a lot here folks. It's very unfunny (groan-worthy) and pretty uneventful until the last 1/4 (when the movie shifts into a totally dark tone). Its a very slow and...
Rent-a-Cop - Oh Burt...
September 11, 2018 00:05 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWe setup our tribute to the dearly missed Burt Reynolds with an examination of his first Razzie nomination as "bored actor who doesn't want to be in the same film as Liza Minnelli". It's like Sharky's Machine meets A Star is Born. Does that work for a bad movie "do"? Let's get straight to the bad - the big bad is Liza. She's insufferable. It's not completely her fault as the script calls for the most annoying person ever as the "love interest" for hunky Burt - because that's how all cop mov...
Predator 2 - Murtaugh vs the teenage alien
September 04, 2018 21:29 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIn what appears to be a Predator version of a bar-mitzvah, Captain Murtaugh has to scratch his head and whisper to himself about things he sees in front of him to stop a bunch of gang-members with mega-guns and voodoo powers from getting their spines ripped out. Oh! AND Bill Paxton! A movie with a 8 foot tall alien who rips people's spines out, Danny Glover, Bill Paxton and Gary Busey sounds like about the hottest thing that's ever existed. Sign me the hell up and lets get stupid! Well ...
Slender Man - Not the trees! Not the trees!
August 27, 2018 21:26 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBA faceless board-room guy (probably the one that fired James Gunn) is also a tree-man, octopus, tarantula with very dubious motivations, but likely he's actually the ghost of Chalton Heston, arboriculturist. Slender Man the movie was doomed before it came out the gate. There is no way to pay this much fan service to the original creepy-pasta while trying to make a sensical story. Once you put Slender Man into an environment that must have some sort of back-story and character motivations an...
St. Elmo's Fire - The Everest of Unholy Buttholes
August 20, 2018 22:14 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWhen you look up pretentious, self-obsessed, socially awful, and completely uninterested in benefiting mankind in anyway in the dictionary (you can look those terms up, right?) then you see a picture of the "brat pack" from this clinic in deplorability. I hate these people. Not one can be redeemed. Its horrifying how awful they are and how their awfulness is not the focus of the movie. This is one of those jobbers where people (who are just as awful) will say, "This is it. This shows the ch...
Miami Connection - Ninjas, drugs, music and fashion!
August 13, 2018 21:35 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWe take one of the most beloved stinkers of the last decade and find a new reason to justify the entire plot - a rumble to the death over the most important theme of the 1980's - high fashion. Miami Connection is at the top of the list for most fans of crummy films and this is no accident. It's truly one of the most accessible bad movies of all time. Where some may struggle to view The Room and Fateful Findings there is something for everyone in YK Kim's masterpiece, especially those from t...
The Stinker Madness "Sorry about this Week, Get Ready for Next Week" Special
August 08, 2018 21:06 - 47 minutes - 8.04 MBThis week we manage to not be able to view Miami Connection thanks to randy critters. So instead Sam and Justin discuss drinking children, seagulls, #goatpocalypse, Neil Breen's Twister Pair trailer, a new Great Superpower Debate, reviews of Transformations, Hologram Man, WuTang vs Ninja, and Sam invents a drunk game called "Who is THE GUY?"
To Catch a Yeti - And a Child Murderer
July 30, 2018 21:23 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWe've got a monster-bud on our hands in the most notable work of Meatloaf's career. When the world's greatest hunter gets hired by a rich family to catch a yeti, he gets thwarted by a little girl whose clothes don't fit. Everyone is going to jail here. One might go into this thinking that you're about to be tortured for an hour and a half, ala Mac and Me, or C.H.O.M.P.S., well you're sorta right. This movie is as expected godawful, but somehow it dodges being in the bottom of the barrel. It...
American Hunter - Don't date Jake. He's a jerk.
July 23, 2018 20:53 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBRobert Mitchum's kid freelances his way into a "get the ninja tape" situation and into Janet's heart all while being WAY above the law and murdering many innocent people. Expect some shenanigans in this super-budget movie out of Indonesia. One of a kind in it's repetition and recurring themes, American Hunter (Lethal Hunter in Europe) is a classic super-budget action film with very poorly thought-out plot elements. Behold the final list of incredibly weird repeating onscreen events: 4 - Th...
The Hurricane Heist - They still are making movies bad. Huh.
July 16, 2018 21:43 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBThe US Dept of Treasury hires an ATF agent and some "Army guys" to protect $600 million on its way to a giant paper shredder. Then some baddies try to steal it. Set to the backdrop of a physically impossible hurricane. The only thing in their way? A weatherman and is mechanic brother. Too early to whisper SMABFA? This movie is crap. Whether its enjoyable crap is a topic for debate, which we'll get into, but it's absolute crap. Fans of bad movies MUST see this film. It's astounding that we a...
Rampage - Giant Ape Balls Ahead!
July 09, 2018 20:58 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBDwayne is back into being the charming, super-ripped, former Special Forces, who has more ability to punch a monster in the face than follow social norms. This time he's playing the role of 15th guy from the 4th level of the original video game. Plus 3 monsters destroy Chicago and Don Jr. makes his acting debut. Thanks to the incredibly bad decisions of corporate scientist CEOs (whatever that is), we are treated to three genetically mutated former critters that eventually get to big and sta...
Foodfight! - Sanctioned by the United Nations
July 02, 2018 21:21 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBSome people have no business making movies. Some people who have no business making movies REALLY have no business making animated movies. Foodfight! is a travesty. The UN should have sent inspectors into the production and placed sanctions against it. The Canadian Army should have liberated the people working on it from their captors. It's that bad. Ok, so we know it's really bad. The animation is atrocious and the jokes are cringe-worthy. That's all been said. Let's get into this a little...
Deathstalker II - Are you adopted?
June 25, 2018 20:40 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBLike that weird kid that doesn't look anything like his parents, you may be thinking he's a weirdo and should be avoided. But then you bump into him at the punch bowl and realize he's one cool dude. That's Deathstalker II. Once again, Jim Wynorski shows the world why he should be at the top of the list of directors who make budget films. While most similar directors are given a project like this and just crap it out for the paycheck (I'm talking to you, anyone who works for The Asylum) good...
The Rage: Carrie 2 - The Idiot AND Impossible Plot
June 18, 2018 20:31 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBOnce upon a time, a teenage girl got some tampooooons thrown at her and a British dessert poured on her. Twenty-three years later, a teenage girl gets caught up in a web of consensual teenage sex and becomes the most popular girl. Thankfully "Teen Witch" only ditched her friends when her powers manifested. The Rage suffers from what we like to call "The Non-Existent Plot". The plot can't exist under the rules of the film itself - under scrutiny. At the same time, they manage to cram in the ...
The Karate/Martial Arts Unspecial
June 11, 2018 22:27 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWith Jackie trapped inside a living hell called Winnemucca, Justin and Sam sit down to discuss everything martial arts. Inside we discuss our Top 5 Martial Art Movie Guys and then a look into The Sho Kosugi Ninja Theater with reviews of "The Dumb Boxer", "Ninja 8: Warrior on Fire" and "Ninja vs. Ninja". Plus we'll wrap up the tale of Gary Devore! Was he a spy? What did he know? We go into the possible cover-up into the death of one of the best crummy movie writers in film history.
America 3000 - Sam and Justin's "Citizen Kane"
June 04, 2018 22:58 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBArguably the most unique of post-apocalyptic films and Cannon Group's darling, it's also one of the most under-rated budget films of history. This is a big deal folks and 2/3 Stinker Madness host's favorite b-movie. PA films commonly suffer from their own existence. Most only take place in a "nuked" world because, welll... the desert is just right there. So they shoot this crappy $0 action film in a post-apocalyptic world because it's super cheap to do. The world they live in isn't even the...
Hawkeye - When in Vegas, don't - just don't
May 29, 2018 21:38 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBSteer clear of the police in Las Vegas in 1988 is the absolute message of this super-budget gem of a tough cop movie. Penalties for being alive are getting kicked in the face while walking down a hallway and being beat to death while sitting in a chair. Hawkeye (1988) is a film that does not showcase the talents of a guy with a bow and arrow. It instead showcases the talents of a guy who is not Eddie Murphy and a guy who likes his Guess Jeans butt a bit too much. The matchup of Chuck Jeffre...
Eragon - Use the Force, Caleb!
May 21, 2018 23:04 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBTo the disheartening of many fans of the book series, men in ties decide to make a dragon movie without any dragons in it and decide the story is too confusing so they just remade Star Wars. Beware the powers of the dark side of jelly beans! If you're like us and have never read the Eragon book series, then you'll arguably have less problems with the divergence (that wasn't an accident) of the source material from the pre-teen books to this flaming pile of nonsense. It's a necessary positio...
Year 4 in Review: Part 2
May 07, 2018 21:56 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIt's been four wonderful years of bringing you the greatest bad and cult films, all while having some pretty important discussions on craft and farts with plenty of laughs along the way. This episode we recap our favorite movies we watched in the previous year of podcasting. Each host catalogs their top ten and hope that you can find some extra time to watch each and every one of these movies.
Year 4 in Review: Part 1
April 30, 2018 21:56 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIt's been four wonderful years of bringing you the greatest bad and cult films, all while having some pretty important discussions on craft and farts with plenty of laughs along the way. This episode we recap our favorite movies we watched in the previous year of podcasting. Each host catalogs their top ten and hope that you can find some extra time to watch each and every one of these movies. This episode we recap our top 10-5 choices.
Savage Streets - A top heavy, genre bender
April 23, 2018 22:27 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBSomehow we've managed to stay clear of Linda Blair, which is strange because she's very easy to bump into. Here she's showcasing the gals, while running a gang of gals, and find revenge (eventually) after taking an hour and fifteen minutes to be pushed over the edge. Somehow Savage Streets manages to be a mashup of about every 80's budget genre. It's a slasher, a sex-romp, a revenge jobber, and a roller-skating boogie in the vein of Grease. Yet it manages to miss being a Romeo & Juliet, a ...
Space Jam - Jamming in Space is MIA
April 16, 2018 22:12 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBThe film that finally puts two things together that no one asked for, no previous commonality, no established universe, no real similarities, and no capability of accomplishing something someone might label "good". Cartoons and basketball just don't go together. Hot off the success of Roger Rabbit, well ok, not hot off. More like many years later....someone decided to mashup our reality with the physics defying world of Bugs Bunny. Now that possibly could have worked, if they had chosen to ...
No Holds Barred - The FCC might have some problems here
April 02, 2018 21:30 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBPeople that make TV shows, write a script in 72 hours while blasting through piles of cocaine, that showcases their complete lack of knowledge about making TV shows. It's Rip v Zeus in The Battle of the Tough Guys that can only end in one way.... murder! Nothing can describe the (at that time) WWF in the late 80s like No Holds Barred. Hulk is the #1 guy in the phony man-fighting and his entire schtick is on display here. There's no difference between the character of Rip and Hulk Hogan. Ima...
The Running Man - The Scott Norwood of Sci-Fi Movies
March 26, 2018 22:13 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBDespite its satirical nature and heavy social commentary, The Running Man drops the ball (or the hockey puck) before the goal and trips into the net, bashes into the goalpost, gets the ball stuck in its facemask, and suffers multiple self-inflicted concussions. Well...at least it didn't murder it's ex-wife and her lover. WHOA!! TOO SOON! 1987's The Running Man is one of those "oh, so close" to being good films, but as we see time and time again, men in ties get in the way and say "We gotta ...
Speed Racer - See underrated in the dictionary
March 19, 2018 22:06 - 1 hour - 8.04 MB38 Metacritic, 39% Rotten Tomatoes, 35% domestic returns, universally panned by all, a terrible idea that could never make money and its one of the best films we've reviewed. If you haven't seen Speed Racer, you are blowing it. DISCLAIMER: Speed Racer is in NO possible way a stinker (other than it's reputation). It's absolutely crack for your eyeballs. It's pulse-pounding racing action and over-the-top fun, all while being genuinely funny, well told, competently acted and a great tale. At t...
Radical Jack - Jack is not Radical, but the film is!
March 12, 2018 22:21 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWhen you need the toughest of tough guys to play your super agent and lone wolf defender of justice, get that Achy Breaky Heart guy. No man has ever been tougher! But make sure his girlfriend is the one that is the most "radical". Here's the end result of Radical Jack; Jack is NOT radical, in fact. His most penultimate "action" move to hide under a bed. Not kidding. The film spends the first 3/4 telling us how tough Jack is, what with his smoldering gazes, his Ray-Ban shades, his supreme mu...
Double Down - Tuna fish can do bad things
March 06, 2018 00:41 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBNeil Breen is back in his directorial debut with this week's trip into the mind of a crazy person. He stars as a double-agent, elite mercenary, computer hacker/security expert, bio-terrorist, cyborg, assassin/vigilante, and just a simple man. It's a Neil showcase into baffling story-telling, yet again. While Double Down is not near the production that Fateful Findings is, it is still an exceptionally bonkers movie. Nothing makes a lick of sense. It's the type of film that leaves you wonderi...
Hackers - Making Mark Zuckerberg look cool since 1995!
February 27, 2018 01:07 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBOnce again, we find ourselves "going into the internet" with the incredible speeds of a 28.8k connection. Yet the overt difference here is that there is a wet-t-shirt contest and a mash-up of snowboarder, 'alt' and irreverent fashion trends. It's the clear road-map of not understanding computers, the internet or anyone who surrounded themselves with both of those things. Yipes! Hackers were never cool. They were never edgy or trendy or care about anything but computers. We were computer ner...
Fist of the Vampire - Lay off the presets, Len!
February 20, 2018 00:46 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBA group of trash vampires waste their immortality so that they can focus on their location-rotating fight club that has less rules than Tyler Durden's. The only thing that can stop them - horrible karate, bullet dodging DEA agents, and post-production effects that are just the presets in Adobe Premiere. Yuck! Let's get out the disclaimer on this one - it's extremely budget and put together by people who have no experience in film, but hey! They got it done, right? They got their movie finis...
2017 SMABFAs
February 12, 2018 22:48 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBThe hottest awards for bad films in 2017 are here and the winners are all set. Listen to the 2017 SMABFA Podcast and check out all the nominees and winners below. And the Nominees & Winners are (winner in bold): Best Bad Movie - The Most Enjoyable Bad Movie Geostorm The Great Wall XXX: Return of Xander Cage The Space Between Us Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Fan Poll Result - Rings Worst Bad Movie - The Least Enjoyable Bad Movie Transformers: The Last Knight The Mumm...
Last Action Hero - So close to perfection
February 05, 2018 23:39 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIt was Schwaz' first box office flop and put up the current standard of spending way too much money on film marketing. It ranks high upon the worst returns of all film history. Yet there is a good film here and could have been a hidden gem -- had it not been for Danny and coming into "our world." You may be among the hordes who avoided Last Action Hero. You should reconsider. It has that stigma of being a horrible film, but if you're a fan of this podcast then you will understand why we put...
Simon Sez - Simon never says "Simon Says"
January 30, 2018 00:31 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBDennis Rodman returns in the form of a bumble-bee to plant the foundation of the XXX squad, by making Dane Cook the CEO. Its truly in the list of worst action movies ever made and could be the gold standard for enjoyably dumb action movies...if it wasn't for Dane Cook. Dane Cook blows. You know this, so we aren't going to devote time here to review his schtick - what will do instead is warn you that he is truly at his least formed here, with the most "punch me" act ever captured on celluloi...
The Fish that Saved Pittsburgh - There is no giant fish, Jackie
January 22, 2018 23:27 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBNothing says "screwball" comedy like professional basketball in the late 70's. So why not have a film about a terrible team that becomes great via the powers of astrology? Toss in Dr. Julius Erwing, Kareem Abdul-Jabar, Meadowlark Lemon and repeat stinker stars like Branscombe Richmond and Julius Carry III and you've got some loonie business that is right up our alley. On paper this film should be one to steer clear from. Even just watching the trailer is enough to give casual viewers of cru...
Cliffhanger - The Hot Tub Party That Changed the World
January 17, 2018 01:00 - 2 hours - 8.04 MBStallone gives us further evidence he didn't write Rocky as this screenplay serves us up with some of the worst dialogue and biggest head-slapping action sequences we had in the 90s and THAT's really saying something. Also...there are 0 cliffhangers. Somehow critics have been quite pleased with Cliffhanger as evidenced by a 69% on RottenTomatoes and 60 Metacritic score. How that happened is one of the biggest surprises that this film offers up. Don't confuse yourself - this thing is enjoya...
Zardoz - Utopia is an illusion, dudes
January 08, 2018 23:34 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBIt's Sean Connery in a man-diaper with bullets. It's a genderless Utopia while showcasing knockers. It's a whirlwind of confusion and questionable film-making decisions. It's a serious mess covered in psychedelia while making some heavy, heavy, heavy social commentary. Get ready for your mind to be melted. Imagine you've got Zardoz in mind and you sit down to write it. "Open on a gun-barfing god's floating head." Then try to go from there. Zardoz is just bizarre in how it decides to get to ...
Beastmaster 2 - Dar hails a taxi
January 02, 2018 23:45 - 1 hour - 8.04 MB"Let's take the barbarian guy out of his world of fantasy and put him in our world of taxes and endless advertising," said a man in a tie once or twice. Unfortunately, for said tie guy, no fan of film has ever said, "Yes I want that." Yet this travesty of the genre still attempted to woo audiences by sending the Beastmaster into Los Angeles so we can watch what happens when he wants to get pizza. Hooray! While the premise of this film is one that typically infuriates fans (see Masters of th...
Steel - We'd rather have you just slam it, Shaq
December 27, 2017 00:07 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBHe's a blue-collar Batman, that comes loaded with super-strength and a compassionate, pacifistic outlook. Slap on a bunch of not-bulletproof metal armor and give him a hammer/gun and Oracle (from Batman) and you've got Shaq looking pretty doofy. So it stinks, sure. But we think this film is abused a little too much. It's currently at a 2.8 on IMDB and a 1.4 on Letterboxd. That puts it below Batman & Robin, and Catwoman. It's not even close to that bad. By your standard movie goer rating sca...
Christmas Evil - I Saw Mommy get Santa's Beard on Her Knee
December 18, 2017 23:36 - 1 hour - 8.04 MBWhen your mom has a beard on her knee from a man who may or may not be your dad or Santa, you're best option is to obsess over Christmas until you're in your thirties and then you go all Buffalo Bob so that you can become the actual Santa. Not just copy cat. Actually Santa. Christmas Evil is arguably one of the strangest Xmas films ever created. It was made a time when horror movies tried to play on any holiday and the jingly time was no different. See (but don't watch) such films as Santa'...