You Can Mute People IRL Too...It's Called Boundaries

Boundaries are a form of Self-Care, Self-Love and Ultimately Self-Accpetence.

Why we don’t want to set boundaries:

fear rejectionfear abandonmentdon’t want to hurt anyonedon’t like to approach conflict head ondon’t want to be misunderstood or have what we say be misinterpreted we have a hard time asserting ourselves in vulnerable situations

Setting a boundary is an act of strength. You're honoring your value, your responsibilities and your needs. It does not reflect weakness or selfishness, as you might have been conditioned to fear or believe. - Sarah Dergins 

When setting a boundary you don’t need to smooth over the tension. You don’t need to protect people from feeling uncomfortable. It makes sense for people to feel bad and weird when they have crossed a line.  - Jordan Pickle Counselling

Allowing someone to take responsibility for themselves is an act of love. - breakthecycle_coaching

Betraying ourselves in the name of love and loyalty and respect.

Inconsistent or non existent boundariesPrioritizing other people’s expectations of you over your own needsFear of expressing your feelingsChanging yourself in order to make others comfortable or feel betterSuppressing your own values, needs and desires in order to accommodate somone else. 

**People who get angry or upset at you for placing a boundary, are the ones who benefit from you not having any. Let that sink in. 

**Boundaries are the high quality information people need to love you better! - Kelsey Grant

You may struggle with setting boundaries if:

You second-guess yourself to avoid making important decisionsYou feel guilt when setting boundaries with othersYou Have a hard time identifying and validating your own feelingsYou are a people-pleaserYou feel engulfed or overwhelmed by vulnerability with othersYou Lack awareness of your personal needs in relational dynamicsYou have difficulty trusting your feelings and intuitionYou have fear of individuating and becoming a person separate from your family or partner - sitwithsharon

Boundaries to protect your energy and your emotionality can sound like:

Can we talk about this later, after I’ve had time to gather my thoughts?I don’t have the energy to respond to this right now, I will respond to your message when I feel recharged and can give it the attention it requires.I need space right now and I will each out when I feel ready.

Dating Boundaries: 

Not agreeing to a second date if you did not feel the connectionNot giving your information to them, out of being politeNot engaging in intimacy if you genuinely don’t want tooNot forcing a conversationRespecting your needs & listening to your discomfort

Learning how to set boundaries and uphold them leads to:

Being able to express your needs more confidentlyBeing able to Self-sooth during conflictKnowing where you can be flexible and where you can’tLearning how to actually listen instead of just waiting to respond

Scripts for setting boundaries: I want to feel…Which means I need…And so I will.. - MSWjake

Affirmations:
"I forgive myself for all the times I traded my authenticity for external validation" - tutu mora
"I forgive myself for moving in any type of way that didn’t reflect how deep I value myself."
"I am Important. My feelings matter. I’m not my mistakes. I am ok with choosing me first. I already have all I need to be happy. I attract all the healthy things and people into my life." - Pivot to happiness

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