Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love artwork

Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love

86 episodes - English - Latest episode: 20 days ago - ★★★★★ - 17 ratings

Our pleasure can be the fuel for abundant, sustainable work, service, and play throughout our long lives.

Our sexuality can be a wholesome pillar of our daily experience.  

Our marriages can be fueled by desire rather than duty.

Monogamy can be the hottest place on earth.


It’s a confusing time to be a heterosexual, monogamous couple.  The love and passion you desire may be more an inner urge than something you really see people around you living.  But there are a growing community of devoted couples creating monogamy as a conscious spiritual crucible.  There are couples using their marriages to fuel their leadership and service and activism.  Welcome to Sex. Love. Power. where we convene the conversations that unlock new possibilities in your life and relationship.  I’m your host Michele Lisenbury Christensen. Over the past 26 years, I’ve helped thousands of couples create the love and sex they desire.  Kurt and I, in 23 years of marriage and adventures together before that, have suffered, avoided, dared, and triumphed in countless ways.  Now, I’m here to help you get more peace, more connection, and more passion in your days and nights, so you’ve got the energy and attention left over to be the change you wish to see in the wider world. Everything you want in love and sex and beyond starts with YOU, and it starts right now. Let’s tend your flame.

Self-Improvement Education Health & Fitness Sexuality marriage sex intimacy monogamy passion connection love tantra erotic pleasure
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Episodes

How I Cultivate Inner Growth

March 08, 2024 22:00 - 55 minutes - 38.4 MB

I was so grateful to sit down and record with my teacher, Eric Klein, the founder of ​Wisdom Heart​ along with his wife, Devi. I wanted you to hear from him what he's teaching me about my body, mind, spirit, and the way that those interact with the experiences I have in my marriage, my earning, my business -- pretty much in every area of my life. I am thrilled for you all to hear Eric talk with us about some of the ways that you can apply planetary astrology, the chakras, meditation, and th...

11 Surprising Libido Killers

June 15, 2023 12:00 - 39 minutes - 27.2 MB

So many women come to me wanting to turn up their libidos and experience more and better orgasms. I start by asking them 11 questions that, on the surface, don’t seem directly related to erotic desire. But the answers that women give me tell me a ton about their relationships with themselves,  their turn-on, their bodies, their sensations, and with their capacity to contain embodied experiences, both desired experiences and not desired experiences. In this episode, I'm going to ask you thos...

Gaslighting "Lite" in Otherwise Good Marriages

May 12, 2023 15:00 - 22 minutes - 15.4 MB

The term “gaslighting” has become a buzzword in recent years and, because of its widespread use, the meaning of this term has become a bit murky. In a nutshell, gaslighting is when you are experiencing something and endeavoring to talk to the other person about it, but they flip it around on you so that you wind up questioning yourself, your own character, motivations, and even grip on reality. Today, I want to talk about what I call “gaslighting lite” or the ways that understanding the gasl...

Psychological Patriarchy

April 13, 2023 15:00 - 26 minutes - 17.9 MB

You may have heard the term “patriarchy” used to describe a social and political construct, but, as my mentor, Terry Real, explains, it is also a psychological notion. The way that patriarchy defines rigid gender roles becomes subconsciously embedded in the way we think and behave, which has deep implications for both partners inside a relationship. How can we recognize when psychological patriarchy is at play and what can we do to counteract it?  In this episode, I’ll discuss: How our sen...

100-Year Marriage

March 25, 2023 12:00 - 32 minutes - 22.6 MB

Kurt and I have been married for almost 23 years and we're planning on another 50 to 75 together. We think, in terms of taking care of our bodies, minds and spirits and given the way technology is going, we could each live to be well over a hundred which gives us an amazingly long time to grow in love together and to contribute in so many other parts of our lives. Today's episode is about how we think about what I call, for shorthand “The 100-Year Marriage” and how you could think about it t...

Hotter Sex in Older Bodies

March 02, 2023 13:00 - 10 minutes - 7.24 MB

At 50 or 60 years old, you don’t have the same career, health, finances, or family life that you did when you were 30. Why should your sex life be the same as it was 20 years ago?  As we age, our bodies go through natural changes that can affect our sexual experiences and desires. This leads people to believe that they are no longer able to have the sexual experiences they used to. I’m here to tell you that fulfilling and pleasurable sex is possible at any age. In this episode, we’ll talk a...

10 Best Dates for Deeper Love

February 16, 2023 12:00 - 15 minutes - 10.6 MB

Kurt and I just enjoyed celebrating our 25th Valentine's Day together, but, truthfully, we try to live like every day is V-Day. We know that love is a habit and a skill set that requires effort and practice 365 days a year. If you want a love that gets better over time, you need to intentionally date your partner all year long, not just on holidays or anniversaries. In today’s episode, I’ll give you a year’s worth of date ideas that will bring you closer and deeper in love. We’ll talk about...

Legacy Love

January 26, 2023 13:00 - 16 minutes - 11.7 MB

Whenever I say that I help couples create Legacy Love, the people I’m talking to light up because they're the kind of people who have a vision for their whole life. They want to leave a legacy in this lifetime and creating a love worth kind of handing down, something that goes far beyond just the couple to bless others, appeals to them. But, as great as that sounds, a lot of people ask me, what do you really mean by Legacy Love and what does that entail? In this episode, we’ll talk about: ...

Relationship Visioning for the New Year and Beyond

December 22, 2022 16:00 - 25 minutes - 17.4 MB

In this episode, I'll walk you through a couple of the ways that I've been helping clients for more than 20 years to review their old year and vision their new year. Visioning together is one of the foundations of Legacy Love; creating a relationship that's not just good, not just great, but builds your impact in the world, the legacy you want to leave behind, for not just you and your beloved, but your family, your community and the greater world. In this episode, we’ll talk about: How to...

Strategies for Great Sex

October 27, 2022 07:00 - 23 minutes - 16.5 MB

How far are you willing to go to create the passionate marriage you want? Are you ready to try anything? If you’re like many of my clients, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to create a connected, turned-on relationship. And I believe you can do it. Unfortunately, there’s no silver bullet that will resolve your conflicts and create closeness. You may have already tried many different strategies but still don’t see the desired results. In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about some of ...

Resentment

October 13, 2022 12:00 - 43 minutes - 30 MB

If you feel like you are wasting your time and energy being upset about the same things month after month, year after year, the good news is that there’s a way out. You can break the cycle of hurt and resentment that keeps you from living the life you want. Sound good? Today's episode will equip you to free yourself from any grudge, irritation, frustration, resistance or anger that you may be carrying and take your power back. In this episode, you’ll hear about: What I've learned about dig...

Intentional Family Planning

September 15, 2022 12:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MB

In my coaching practice and in my life, I hear so many questions about family planning; how to decide, when to start, and how many kids to have. The list goes on. There are strong societal expectations around becoming parents that can keep us from realizing what we really want and what’s best for us and our relationships. In this episode, I decided to round up my thoughts on some of the common questions I get around children and their effect on relationship that you may be considering In th...

Relationship Stuff That Might Be ADD

September 01, 2022 12:00 - 22 minutes - 15.5 MB

While I’m not a clinical psychology professional, I often work with couples who have discovered that their brains are wired in completely different ways. This realization often arises when one partner (or both) consistently behaves in a way that creates friction between them, totally baffling the other. As humans, our brains are wonderfully diverse and have unique strengths, but it’s hard to understand what’s going on in your partner’s head when their experience is so different from your own...

Sex In An Instant

August 18, 2022 12:00 - 15 minutes - 11 MB

If it feels like you're in a dry spell- your desires don’t match up, you’re not that interested, or it’s hard to transition from your everyday life to a really fulfilling sexual encounter, this episode is for you. Today I want to talk with you about what I think of as "nano sex." It's those little microscopic, erotic connections that create a lubricant in your day-to-day experience together to help us get to full-blown erotic encounters and get more pleasure out of our daily connection.  As...

Bringing Up a Charged Topic

August 04, 2022 12:00 - 20 minutes - 14 MB

Something your partner did cause you pain and frustration. You want to tell them what hurt you, but you seem to always end up in a fight when you bring it up. Sound familiar? In this episode, I get into the specifics of how you can deliver feedback about something your partner did and what you'd like them to do differently in a way that actually gets results. Every single couple has to have these conversations, but you can develop skills that can reduce the negative fallout and even bring yo...

Self-Regulation Toolkit for Painful Times

July 14, 2022 12:00 - 32 minutes - 22.4 MB

These past few weeks have been tough on our nervous systems. Many people are hurting and bewildered. I wondered how I could best help through the podcast, and what came to me was that this popular episode, recorded with my friend Jessica Pullins, PhD, is the best set of tools I can give you to help you pull yourself and others through when your heart and mind are reeling.  If you have a nervous system, you need this episode.    And particularly if you ever: Rreact strongly to your partner...

Time Alone Together Ambivalence

June 30, 2022 11:00 - 20 minutes - 14.4 MB

Do you find yourself saying, "We're so busy, I feel like roommates?” Or maybe you say, "We know we need to go on dates, but we never seem to get around to it. And then if we do go, a lot of times we get into a fight." Today on Sex. Love. Power., we're talking about spending more time together. Whether that's talking, having fun, or getting naked together. We're going to cover how to recognize the resistance so you can break through those totally understandable obstacles and actually get more...

Dominance and Submission

May 26, 2022 12:00 - 16 minutes - 11.6 MB

Do you feel like you're always in charge, like you're always handling all the heavy lifting in your shared life? Or do you ever feel your partner can be so controlling or perfectionistic that you tend to hang back? Both of these situations are issues of what I call polarity - the interaction between dominance and submission (and, no, I’m not just talking about in bed). If you want to go from frustration and jockeying for position, or avoiding conflict, over to playful, effective interactions...

Defensiveness

May 10, 2022 12:00 - 36 minutes - 25.3 MB

I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you. As you listen to this episode, we’ll cover: Reasons you get defensive- wh...

Elements of Power in Relationship [Rebroadcast]

April 21, 2022 12:00 - 22 minutes - 15.5 MB

This week, I'm bringing back the most popular episode of the podcast for your listening pleasure. The 12 Elements of Power framework is more relevant now than ever for for us as feminists who don't want to think about power in an essentialist sense, don't want to think that there are particular qualities that we don't have access to because that hasn't been our lived experience. What we know is that we have within us, for instance, both the capacity to be self-reliant, and the capacity to b...

The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict

April 07, 2022 12:00 - 22 minutes - 15.7 MB

This is a different kind of episode. Often, I record podcast episodes about things that have come up with clients recently or I initiate out of conversations that I feel like we need to have in the culture that we haven't been having. Today's episode is about a topic that is blowing my mind right now, because I didn't think of it this way until I was reading this amazing book, "The Audacity to Be You" by Brad Reedy. In this episode, I want to talk about Reedy’s concept of the “three circles”...

Why Therapy Didn’t Get You There

March 24, 2022 12:00 - 20 minutes - 14.5 MB

You've tried therapy before, and it didn't get you where you wanted to go. Maybe it helped. Many people report to me that it got them on the right path, but not really to their goals. My goal is to help couples not just reduce the “itching, burning and swelling”- the immediate pains that they're facing when they come to me- but truly create a great relationship. And, truly, what many of the couples that come to me want is to go from a good really solid relationship to a great relationship, w...

Help Yourself Draw a Line

March 10, 2022 13:00 - 31 minutes - 21.9 MB

There are some serious ways that our partners can be stuck. Many clients and members of my audience have approached me with concerns like, "I just need him to get a job and nothing I've tried has worked" or "Her drinking is really concerning to me, but it's not concerning to her so she's not about to get into recovery.” It's very reasonable that your partner might feel terrified to make a particular change and you may be the only voice or the loudest voice asking them to change. Today's epis...

Unmet Needs

February 24, 2022 13:00 - 28 minutes - 19.7 MB

Think for a moment about what conditions you thrive under, what sets you up to be your happiest, your healthiest, most balanced, joyful self. When that thing is missing it functions like a rock in your shoe. You're not unable to keep walking is just a little bit more painful. That’s how an unmet need can feel and how it can create tension and unhappiness in your life. Today, I want to address what needs are and what they aren't, and how you know. We'll talk about what's possible when your ne...

Turn on Your Marriage

February 10, 2022 13:00 - 21 minutes - 14.9 MB

This topic is very close to my heart and it is one of the central beliefs that informs all the work I do with my clients. Today,  I'm here to tell you that you deserve and are capable of experiencing pleasure no matter where you are in life. In my latest episode, we talk about how you can bring more of that pleasure and aliveness into your marriage. As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about: The five beliefs that you need to create for yourself to sustain the level of turn-on that y...

You Want Someone Else

January 27, 2022 13:00 - 11 minutes - 8.02 MB

Let me ask you a personal question (or a few). Do you have fantasies about sex with other people? Do you have sometimes active desires to consummate those fantasies? Do you wonder what that means about you or about your partner? I’m going to guess you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions. And you know what? That is all totally okay. Today we're going to talk about your desire for sex with other people and start to dig in to what that could mean for you. As you listen to this ep...

My Money, Our Money

January 13, 2022 13:00 - 32 minutes - 22.3 MB

Money is a hot topic, especially in relationship to love and sex in long-term relationships. Money is energy, and it's power. How you handle money together shapes so much of the rest of your experience of your partnership and how you feel about yourself. So, today, I thought I'd dive into it in an episode about my money, our money, your money, and look at the relationship side and the erotic side of what happens with couples and money. As you listen to this episode, you'll hear learn: Mana...

Reviewing Your Year in Love and Sex

December 30, 2021 13:00 - 18 minutes - 13 MB

I am a nerd for planning. I love to envision the future. I love to review the past. And New Year's time is totally a time when I want to look over the past year and see the themes and then set intentions for the new year with my husband. But pretty early in our relationship, I got the picture that Kurt was not a planner in the same way that I was. And perhaps you can relate. I find that in most couples, there's one person who's way more into this stuff than the other. And that's perfectly al...

Are You the Visionary in Your Relationship?

December 16, 2021 08:00 - 21 minutes - 15 MB

"If I'm such a visionary about relationship, and my partner doesn't think that way, isn't that a problem?" This is a question I have heard many times and one I asked myself in my relationship, too.  It’s a big responsibility and can feel like a burden. But what I have come to see is that I am someone who has been gifted with the opportunity to hold vision. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you what I've learned about being a visionary in love. I'm going to answer some of those key ...

Hotter, More Loving Holidays

December 02, 2021 15:00 - 24 minutes - 16.6 MB

Every year for the holidays, you make it a priority to spend time with your extended family or focus on making magic for your kids, but your relationship becomes an afterthought. Over the last 24 years together, Kurt and I have really focused on this and learned a lot about how to make sure that our holidays are a magical time for us as a couple as well. Together, we outlined the seven paths to hotter, more loving holidays, so that you can create a holiday season that's more pleasurable, int...

Where Sex Gets Stuck

November 18, 2021 13:00 - 22 minutes - 15.8 MB

In today's episode, we're gonna follow up our last conversation which was all about the core qualities that make a great lover in a long-term relationship with the other side of that same coin. There are four categories of obstacles to great passionate sex that just gets better for a lifetime. And the results I get with clients all trace back to my devotion to pinpointing and addressing these obstacles in a systematic way. Naturally, that all starts with knowing what those obstacles are in t...

Qualities of a Great Lover

November 04, 2021 12:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MB

Would you like to have the kind of sex that surprises you and makes your partner surprised by the emergence of that facet of you? The sort of lovemaking that keeps you both coming back for more? Sex that allows you to call up the energy at the end of the day when you're both tired, but you cannot resist the adventure because you have no idea where it will lead? This episode is for you! I will share four qualities of a great lover, and I’m sure if you apply at least one of the qualities, your...

Creating Turn On

October 21, 2021 12:00 - 16 minutes - 11.4 MB

When we own our turn on, it lets us really own the truth of our erotic nature that it is ours and ours alone. If you've been looking for that formula on creating turn on and what we should and shouldn't do, tune in to this week's episode! This week, we're going to talk about creating turn on. Often, couples come to me wanting to feel more turned on in their relationship. I’m going to say something you might find unexpected: we can’t rely on our partners to turn us on (at least, not complete...

Getting Out of Your Head in Bed

October 07, 2021 12:00 - 14 minutes - 9.94 MB

We need to talk. One of the conversations I think we need to have is about how to get out of your head during sex. If this applies to you, you’re not alone: so many of my clients get stuck in their heads in bed. And there's a number of reasons for this.  In this episode, I will talk you through the traps that many people get stuck in that take the enjoyment out of sex and how you can start getting out of your head and into the moment. As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn: Some of t...

Intimate Getaways Part II: How-To

September 23, 2021 12:00 - 37 minutes - 25.7 MB

Do you crave an intimate getaway with your partner? You can make your desire a reality. Many people always feel like having a trip with their partners is impossible, especially if children are involved. In this episode, I will be sharing how Kurt and I planned and actualized our intimate getaway. I will teach you the three core stages of creating an intimate getaway and creative ways of ensuring your children are well taken care of as you enjoy your trip. Listen in and learn. As you liste...

Intimate Getaways Part I: Risks & Rewards

September 09, 2021 12:00 - 25 minutes - 17.7 MB

My husband, Kurt, and I just got home from our latest adventure to Croatia. It sparked so many thoughts I can’t wait to share with you about why I think it's so important that couples carve out the time to be together, to get a completely different environment, and to have some novelty and adventure. I'm going to share with you over two episodes what we've done, why, and how you can do it, too. In this episode, we're going to dive into all the ways your relationship can benefit from an intim...

36. Why I'm Not a Therapist

August 20, 2021 19:00 - 21 minutes - 15 MB

Today, we're going to talk about why I think couples counseling and therapy didn't really do the trick for me and Kurt, and why it may not for you either. To be clear: I’m not here to talk trash about couples counseling at all. I want to explain why I'm evolving a way of working with couples that is very different from anything that we were ever given. And why I think that that's more powerful. As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about: The patriarchal roots of traditional psycholog...

Why I'm Not a Therapist

August 20, 2021 19:00 - 21 minutes - 15 MB

Today, we're going to talk about why I think couples counseling and therapy didn't really do the trick for me and Kurt, and why it may not for you either. To be clear: I’m not here to talk trash about couples counseling at all. I want to explain why I'm evolving a way of working with couples that is very different from anything that we were ever given. And why I think that that's more powerful. As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about: The patriarchal roots of traditional psycholog...

The 5 Winning Relationship Strategies

June 24, 2021 12:00 - 27 minutes - 19 MB

If you listened to my last episode you know I went through the 5 losing communication strategies people often resort to in their relationships.  I promised then to detail the antidotes - the 5 winning relationship strategies that really help us overcome our learned dysfunctional patterns of relating and create healthy, adult connections with our partners.  It’s a practice.  Nobody’s perfect at it, least of all me, but these 5 strategies, as a direction, are like a compass pointing due north ...

Losing Relationship Strategies

May 16, 2021 12:00 - 18 minutes - 13.1 MB

The 5 Losing Relationship Strategies

May 16, 2021 12:00 - 18 minutes - 13.1 MB

If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform. Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.

How to Stay. When to Go

May 15, 2021 12:00 - 30 minutes - 21.2 MB

If you’re realizing your partner isn’t showing up with the capacity for the love or sex or vibrancy you want, deserve, and need If you have been asking for what you need and they maybe make some moves toward it and then take steps backward and you find yourself asking, “Am I an idiot for staying when I’ve made it clear what I need and my partner doesn’t seem to be changing?” If you long for a depth of love and sex that you wonder if your partner will EVER be capable of meeting you in ...T...

Lost Libido? Find the 3 Yeses

April 15, 2021 12:00 - 24 minutes - 16.6 MB

If you’ve found yourself feeling not-so-into sex - like you yourself never have the urge, and like even when your partner initiates, you’re not interested… but you wish you were, this episode is for you.   And if you’re the partner who does want to have sex, whether you try to initiate or you’ve heard “huh-uh” so many times you’re too discouraged to ask again… We need to have this conversation.   And I want you to know that even though in movies and on tv shows, everybody seems rarin’ to g...

Superiority And Shame

April 08, 2021 12:00 - 13 minutes - 9.14 MB

If you’ve found yourself feeling not-so-into sex - like you yourself never have the urge, and like even when your partner initiates, you’re noooootttt interested… but you wish you were, this episode is for you.   And if you’re the partner who does want to have sex, whether you try to initiate or you’ve heard “huh-uh” so many times you’re too discouraged to ask again… We need to have this conversation.   And I want you to know that even though in movies and on tv shows, everybody seems rari...

030: Men's Sexual Trauma

April 01, 2021 12:00 - 30 minutes - 20.7 MB

If you have a male partner who avoids sex or gets stuck in his head sometimes during sex or about sex, this episode is for you.   If you or your partner struggle with what the industry tends to call “sexual dysfunction” - which is so pejorative - I do not like any of the medical terms at all - from erections that don’t start or that don’t stay, to ejaculating before you’d like to, not ejaculation when you’d expect to… This episode is for you. If you are or your partner is a man who is comf...

Men's Sexual Trauma

April 01, 2021 12:00 - 30 minutes - 20.7 MB

If you have a male partner who avoids sex or gets stuck in his head sometimes during sex or about sex, this episode is for you.   If you or your partner struggle with what the industry tends to call “sexual dysfunction” - which is so pejorative - I do not like any of the medical terms at all - from erections that don’t start or that don’t stay, to ejaculating before you’d like to, not ejaculation when you’d expect to… This episode is for you. If you are or your partner is a man who is comf...

Pro-Man, Anti-Patriarchy

March 25, 2021 12:00 - 23 minutes - 16.5 MB

We’re diving deep into how patriarchy gets into our relationships and messes with both partners, regardless of what gender everyone is.  This episode is a response to a beautiful letter from a listener.  I look forward to hearing your experiences.  What is the role of male privilege in your relationship?  How does psychological patriarchy affect the intimacy and aliveness in your relationship?  Listen in to hear how I define these terms and what a long-time male listener thought and felt whe...

Strong Women Crave Handling

March 18, 2021 12:00 - 23 minutes - 16.4 MB

If you’re a woman and you feel like you’re always “on”, always have to be handling projects, tasks, and other people’s feelings and needs…. And you just crave to let down, lay back, and have someone else handle it all for YOU now and then… and handle you really well in bed, to boot… This episode is for you. Or if you love a woman who seems demanding, take-charge, always “on” and seldom satisfied, and you sometimes wonder how you could possibly truly “win” with her… This episode is for you. ...

Behind The Scenes of Six Months of The Podcast

March 11, 2021 13:00 - 19 minutes - 13.6 MB

This episode is your peek behind the scenes of the first six months of Sex. Love. Power.  My last episode was Episode 26.  I didn't realize until after I had recorded it that that means I've been doing this for half a year. And I was talking with a friend about it and she said, "I want to hear all about that. I want to hear about your process. I want to hear what you've learned.  And I don't even know how you set up a podcast or what was involved. So tell us about it."  So I thought I woul...

The Doormat-Bulldog Cycle Part II

March 04, 2021 13:00 - 30 minutes - 20 MB

In this episode, we're having the conversation we need to have about the four keys to creating more of the heat and connection you want and the single practice I use to help couples expand all four things in their relationship, and in so doing, create the love and sex they really deserve. If you've had a hard time initiating sex, or taking your partner up on their invitations, when they ask in the way they ask, even though you sincerely would like to have more sex, at least in the abstract,...