Portmansheau - Pod.casts

623: You Ever Seen a Fart Before?

June 15, 2024 02:00 - 1 hour - 217 MB

Episode 623: Andrew becomes Morpheus from "The Matrix" and helps a young male nurse break into his rental house. Playing bean games. The WNFL is a thing apparently. How do we sleep? How do the kids make GIFs? Andrew wins the hockey draft. Ye olden drops from yore. Earwig salad.

622: The Night Your Mom Learned About Sausage

June 08, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 254 MB

Episode 622: Birdgirl has flown the coup! Brett's wonderful nachos. Dining bean debate. Paying for this at any cost. Use the chicken pounder! Organ of Pain. The arts festival of Pittsburgh is awful. The Frick Pittsburgh had a Vermeer on display. Andrew lost to a boy. How many gallons does this truck take?

621: I Think It’s Time For You To Revisit Mayonnaise

May 27, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 220 MB

Episode 621: It's been one year since we've mentioned mayonnaise. But first we discuss the blackest blue paint with a green tint. Egg salad mentalist challenge. Andrew learns to devil the eggs. Getting 'nnaised. The mostly black kids middle school showcase. A cigar lounge you shouldn't go to if you're white. What is the Spargel? Germans!

620: That’s Why I Poop With a Gun

May 18, 2024 02:00 - 1 hour - 230 MB

Episode 620: Miniature VR golf. Did they go to the moon? 1969. Break. Old Man is back! The Chipotle conundrum. A Chik-Filet drive-thru. Break! Building your days around a good poop. Life changing loaf. Are mice mammals? Break! Burping toilet. Mothers ruin hockey. Chunky style almond milk. Break!

619: Rev It Up! I’m Gonna Cum!

May 11, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 242 MB

Episode 619: A new character is born to fight the mean sewers of the mean streets! What kind of line do bees take? Have you joined a tard club? The neighbors are watching you VR in your underwear. A day of thunder and tears. Andrew doesn't yell during Miata adventure number 3! Shakes or bumps?

618: Explain the Puffing Process

May 05, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 243 MB

Episode 618: A weee dram of whiskey led to us attempting many terrible accents. Blackberries versus raspberries. Potatoes. Rice cakes. Every brand of cereal is made from sawdust. What is a roo badge? A sexy photo of Burt Reynolds. All dog breeds are weak and stupid. German AIDS.

617: Episode 247

April 27, 2024 02:00 - 2 hours - 303 MB

Episode 617: Get your dick-beaters out of your pockets! Dreaming of teeth. Multiple mouse tales. Dog ASMR. Look out for Robins! How not to feed birds. Confusing bathroom symbols. Race-car hailstorm freak-out. The meanest storage lady.

616: Nuremberg Sauce

April 15, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 276 MB

Episode 616: Happy 412 is flooding day! Brett gives a hobo an umbrella. Yard signage. Whacky Jew products to outsmart God. Ranking the religions. Travolta's pointy dick. Gabriela gets mad that some of us don't like dinner parties. Sour Cream and Onion flavored crickets. Andrew scores DEI points for hockey. Gabe is obsessed with some pornstar from PGH. Chinese human-centipede style squat toilets.

615: What Kind of Fa99ot Marries a Woman?

April 08, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 246 MB

Episode 615: Men wearing jewelry, yes or no? Watching video games, playing good hockey. The TikTok ban. Was PornHub started by a Rabbi? Andrew watches John Cena sing raunchy songs. Rabbits eat their own poop. Eclipse planning. Popcorn from a not-gross part of Ohio. Ze Germans appear!

614: Let’s Just Strangle Each Other and Hope We Die At the Same Time

March 28, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 283 MB

Episode 614: Leopard print keyboards. All black rooms (the color, not the race). Wes Anderson hate. Who is Burn Gorman? Pooping at work or on the road. Tree dyslexia. Hockey stink. Are snakes lizards?

613: Now That Matt B. Has Surely Jizzed

March 14, 2024 00:00 - 1 hour - 270 MB

Episode 613: We argue whether the Chinese are good or bad. After watching some kung fu movies, we are undecided. What is Occidental? Gabe fists a toilet and gets crumbs all over the studio. The great PGH bobblehead heist of 2024. Andrew's kiddy pool. The size of the Earth.

612: What Are All Your Sardines For If You’re Just Going to Kill Yourself?

March 09, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 296 MB

Episode 612: Post office pain! Mini-Golf pain! Airport pain! Kiosk pain! Everything is pain! The groundhog war resumes. VR power-washing robots. Sight without glasses. Radio tower heights. Are the commies in retreat? How do we dispose of the hobos?

611: It’s Better To Fuck People Than It Is To Fuck Almost Anything Else

March 03, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 400 MB

Episode 611: Buckle up buttercup! This is a long one! Andrew likes a Sci-Fi show!? Halo LAN parties. Brett's zipper maneuver. Fort Duquesne Bridge merging. Would you throw an egg at another car as a form of frontier justice? Ham sandwich update! Downtown Pittsburghs growing hobo humps. Andrew touches the governor. Guessing the AFI Top 100 movies. Email deluge!

610: BusBoner.com

February 24, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 293 MB

Episode 610: Websites have ruined Andrew's week. The Kansas City parade shooting. When the Red Sox almost won the pendant. Google's new super racist AI. The next generation of porn. Chip-chopped ham. Sebastian calls in from India trying to sell us a website. The enraging PGH City woke-cast. COMPUTER CRASH! We recover from the destruction and finish out the show. Time for ham!

609: You Wanna Hear White People Say the N-Word?

February 19, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 275 MB

Episode 609: We had a great night at the PGH Improv watching based Canadian Ryan Long. The worst day to drive to Cleveland to pick up the race car. SO much Hitler talk! What is the exact date, and time you were born b/c Gabriela has a new astrology book or cult or something. Andrew meets the person he hates most on Earth. Pan flutes. More new-age gobbledygook. The exact location Puke was born. Speed Spanish speaking time!

608: Nacho Credit

February 15, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 253 MB

Episode 608: Improvised caterwauling! New suits and new boots. Hotel weed smoke. African bird dancing. American trans dancing. Effeminate man dancing. The Macho Mandalorian. Coping with clubs. Destroying over-confidant children at Mario kart. The Swifty Bowl. Brett rides a bus. Too many Subway sandwiches.

607: FBI’m Joking!

February 01, 2024 00:00 - 1 hour - 261 MB

Episode 607: It's an episode just chock full o' trailer nuts! We ramble on about all kinds of shows and movies. Andrew finds the absolute worst reality "show" on the internet, and then ruins our lives by telling us about it's existence. Thanks nerds! Also, Puke thinks the NFL is rigged.

606: Japanic Attack

January 29, 2024 02:01 - 1 hour - 159 MB

Episode 606: The best movie that takes place in PGH. Dropped digit protection. What are the ages of these 329 different actors? The Museum of Illusions. Magic eyes. Puke restaurant foibles. Dream triggers and memories. Defining 329 different words. Brett salts a walkway, hilarity ensues.

605: We Love Croissants and We’re Going to Win

January 22, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 169 MB

Episode 605: Just a complete clusterfuck of movie trailers, music, random videos, unfinished stories, and confusion. Chinese Elon Musk, air instruments, Bruce Hornsby, model cars, Brett's throat, Danny Devito's height, loud hispanics, and a Mexican candy fiasco.

604: The Appetite For Karate

January 15, 2024 02:01 - 2 hours - 202 MB

Episode 604: Andrew went to Florida, Brett and Gabriela went the Mexico, Puke went to PS5. We discuss the sights, sounds, and adventures of travel abroad. Brett gets attacked. Andrew buys a hat. Troubles with banks. Taco Bell in Iraq. Finally, we try weird candies from the Yucatan Peninsula.

603: Who’s Been Semening In My Bed?

December 30, 2023 02:01 - 2 hours - 178 MB

Episode 603: Last episode of the year! What new horrors await us in the future? Andrew continues to ruin the start of each episode movie trailers. Woody Allen. Summarize your week in 10 words. Andrew damages Puke's car yet again. Too many pillows! PS5 vs. Switch. Helping Andrew's grandmother. An entire room for tire storage. A gift of toy cars!

592: Guess the Biggest Worm

October 01, 2023 00:00 - 2 hours - 171 MB

Episode 592: We are joined by Alice & Danny to discuss babies on diving boards. Andrew wants to fly before 9/11. What is a yacht? Birthing tales. Can you read cursive? Choose a baby name. Bowl-o-nase? Booyah-base? Ragu? Who is Peter Gabriel? Take a second shit. Poopcopter. Andrew buys even more cars. Beware the butthole sucker!

591: What States Do You Think Fucks the Most Dogs?

September 20, 2023 00:00 - 1 hour - 142 MB

Episode 591: Current events regarding a celebrity penis! Famous men from PGH. German movie directors. The old studio location makes Andrew sad. A notebook! Dog fucker art in Andrew's house. Pillow Hitler. Crickets! Larceny! Arsony! Shumas! Miatas! Hockey! And so much more!

590: Geez, When Are the Rapists Gonna Get Here?

September 15, 2023 02:01 - 1 hour - 148 MB

Episode 590: It's the day after China did 9/11 and Tim Pool is copying Brett's dreams. What was the gamer-gate? Is there a drink called Bernard? Cosplay confuses Andrew. The "Sneaky Fuckers Strategy" of politics. Cover bands. Brett brings elite donuts. A PGH podcast attacks those evil property owners buying houses, Andrew takes offense. We went to Kennywood amusement park and waited in many lines for rollercoasters and sub-par french fries.

589: Swedish Taxi

September 08, 2023 02:01 - 1 hour - 159 MB

Episode 589: It's the hottest Labor Day to ever be labored. Carrying couches and digging ditches. Is Peter Gabriel and Phil Collins the same man? Tim Pool may be listening. Beef alarm! Grilled pizza. Andrew dreams after driving a Miata Cruise. Puke gets vandalized. Squeeze the creamer. The town that saved Christmas.

588: Poor Polish Paul’s Problems

August 30, 2023 02:01 - 1 hour - 141 MB

Episode 588: Brett stares at sack at the gym. How was everyone Spaniardly raped? Puke's favorite image from the Trump arrest this week. Andrew is tired of PGH whites demanding parks everywhere. Puke is making a home gym. Andrew gets a candle. Thumb update! Have you heard of "retard strength"? Fishbone and Parliament in McKees Rocks. Put the creamer away!

587: Chinaleven / Crawberries

August 18, 2023 00:00 - 1 hour - 157 MB

Episode 587: Do we like our laughs? What movies make us cry? Can we trust Nick Gray and his "2 Hour Cocktail Party"? Shaggy. Meet the parents in Maine. Rubbing sand on the skin. Andrew gets a new Buick; drives it to Maine and back. Remember crawdads? Puke found one. The Legion of Skanks. NH cops strike again! Andrew is the first human to go from a Buick to a Jaguar F-Type R.

586: I Wish Your Thumbs Were More Broken

August 10, 2023 02:01 - 1 hour - 151 MB

Episode 586: The rope swing is back! Puke goes to Sheetz. Andrew has a thumb. Old Buick's. Boat slip-n-slide. A groundhog, a squirrel, and an alligator. Park yoga lady. Too many things to worry about.

585: Get Out of Public!

August 03, 2023 02:01 - 2 hours - 161 MB

Episode 585: We just got back from Cleveland and hit record. Why were we there? Would you like to know more? What happened to the rope swing? Who rode the boat tube this week? Does Andrew have a grandchild? B&G have a two hour cocktail party; Puke refuses to participate. How loud are weddings in a hotel? Puke gets applause for his snoring abilities.

584: You Could Make a Horse Out Of Balloons

July 26, 2023 02:01 - 2 hours - 179 MB

Episode 584: Puke is back from a trip to Niagara Falls. How tall? How wide? How many family? Who Superman? Andrew's Grandpa just wants to be left alone. Brett eats Len & Larry's. A trap was set for Puke's mother. Will Andrew buy a new car? Gabriela is a having a party and it's going to be awkward. Big ladies on rope swings. Extreme Skip-It. Boats. Horse balloons.

583: Hey Boy, Would You Like A Place To Sleep Tonight?

July 23, 2023 02:01 - 1 hour - 151 MB

Episode 583: Andrew and Brett break into Puke's house while he's away to record a show. Debate about the heights of buildings ensues. Andrew tries Lucky Charms oatmeal. The PGH Vintage Grand Prix. Brett may be injures again. Hiring a boy. What is a bed derby? Why is it so easy to get only insane women pregnant?

559: Oh God, It’s One of These Episodes!

January 25, 2023 07:00 - 157 MB

Episode 559: Brett goes to the worst gas station in Lawrenceville. Ozempic for DOm DOm Yes Yes. The conservative indie media feud. Andrew loves Tim Pool. Puke starts prepping. Switzerland. Bed bugs. Tractor life.

558: Numbered Fuck Moves

January 19, 2023 07:01 - 2 hours - 185 MB

Episode 558: Mom in VR while making a roast. Confabulation with the billiards chalk. Ari Shaffir at the Pittsburgh Improv. Andrew gets and award but prefers walking on icy grass. Sheetz gas. Puke screams at a Penguins hockey game. Fonzie has fuck numbers. Who can name the most sports teams mascots?

557: Bomp Skiddilly Dip Skip Dip Guy

January 11, 2023 07:01 - 2 hours - 172 MB

Episode 557: It's a new year and new gym people are doing bizarre and disgusting things in the locker rooms. We watch a fat guy belly dance on TikTok. Andrew laments on the purpose of exercise. Danzig. Andrew is looking for a cabin in the woods, no alpacas this time.

556: I’m Not Eating Pepperoni and Going To Bed! I’m Eating Pepperoni and Going To Work.

January 04, 2023 07:01 - 2 hours - 170 MB

Episode 556: We're back from the break! Bullets, snacks, finding a bar for New Year's Eve! Brett sees a kiss in Hershey, PA. How to pronounce "Ye". Is it cake? New Hampshire Christmas with Brett's family. A new car. Ruined sleep. Biological classifications. Lewd-sounding town names. A return to the gym. Andrew gets offended by a lady at Gooski's.

555: Climb Kount Milimanjaro

December 21, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 186 MB

Episode 555: Six people podcast! Andrew wants Penguins box-seats. Brett hates Tom Hanks stand-up comedy. Cortisol spikes after the Poliquin Shock Method workout. Everyone has some sort of medical ailment. Drew puts in the hard work to improve himself. Various national anthems. Andrew has a stow-away in his Miata. Helping Larry move extremely heavy things to the top floor of his new house. Endless poop drops.

554: Skipping Butthole Day

December 14, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 191 MB

Episode 554: Brett has decided on his new car. Andrew gets a thousand spam calls. Puke says Pittsburbs. How to get a Mercedes loaner. Right turns. Andrew wants to buy an alpaca farm. Larry needs help in the bathroom. Put a chip in your head. Gym women, hot gym men, new gym routines. Was Alexa worth it?

553: The Boy Who Didn’t Wipe Good

December 07, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 193 MB

Episode 553: PGH needs more troll stories. Russian hard-bass. Brett needs sleep. Andrew is taking smelly pills for the gains. Who is the Liver King? Women at the gym. Keto Pop-Tarts. A boy gets kidnapped at a day-camp. The latest crypto collapse. Was that a zebra, a goat, or a sheep? The new Elvis movie trailer. Nick sends us an AI generated breadstick song. SBF/FTX time-travel theory. War, Inc.

552: Habubleh of the Seas

November 30, 2022 07:01 - 158 MB

Episode 552: We have Chinese for Thanksgiving and Gabriela's birthday. Is pizza worth it? What is borborygmus? Andrew keeps getting sexualized game ads. Mah...noor. The Colorado gay-club shooter used our defense tactic. Brett is a DJ. Puke fixes an iPad. Women need to stop yelling at old men. Puke goes to a museum filled with offensive displays.

551: Dinner at Stinky’s

November 23, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 192 MB

Episode 551: We're back after 2 weeks of being sick. Did Andrew's healthy eating lead to sickness? Is Stinky's Bar a good place to get imitation crab? Movie reviews! The Way, Way Back, Weird Al, Young Guns 2, Mom & Dad. Snakes and spiders. Trump lovers. Car accidents. The latest crypto scandal. Tits are a lie!

550: I’m Voting For the Handmaid’s Tale

November 09, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 138 MB

Episode 550: Definitely the worst show we've ever done. Banjo music, Deliverance movie scenes, singing lessons, and karaoke for a cacophonous tableau of suffering. Then we debate voting and Hulk Hogan. Andrew thinks he sees a Bald Eagle and gets scared.

549: CTRL+F the N-Word

November 04, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 180 MB

Episode 549: Brett missed school working on the slitter. Who has school spirit? Is that contrarian or conformist? Finding religion. The Fetterman / Oz debate. Puke steps on a nail. Bio-Freeze. A drunken accident. Is it an S212 or a W212 Mercedes? Voting debate. Black man listens to soul music at the diner. Soul karaoke.

548 Ham Dads

October 22, 2022 14:06 - 2 hours - 203 MB

Episode 548: Brett has a snake retraction. Does Andrew hate crawdads or crawfish? Homonym or homophone? Deer attack! Bear attack! Shark attack! Throwing Momma from a train. Latin root quiz. Dumb shower thoughts from Puke about autonomous cars and drinking. Andrew helps Brett decide on a new car. Mercedes, Volvo, Buick, Mazda, or minivan? BREAKING NEWS from Nick!

547: Snake Maps

October 19, 2022 07:00 - 2 hours - 211 MB

Episode 547: Markers and pencils. Parties and weddings. Lakes and oceans. How many Cottonmouth/Water Moccasin snakes are there in the world and how many people die every year? The Grateful Dead. Supplements. Andrew dreams of death. The NYC nuclear bomb PSA. Poe's Law. Pfizer revelation. Having a huka date. Alex Jones makes Andrew enraged when he gets everything wrong about a car video. Puke is the groundhog!

539: Dungeoneers

August 18, 2022 09:01 - 1 hour - 117 MB

Episode 539: We realize that we've become a prop-show. Puke buys too many airsoft guns. You have to shoot your friends. Producers and consumers. The Classic South Carolina Sunset. Pirates. Bubble tea. Angel or Devil food cake? A two story Taco Bell.

538: Kung Poo!

August 11, 2022 07:01 - 1 hour - 152 MB

Episode 538: We get called "city folk" in a dive bar. Glitter liquor. Naked Ninja Warrior. Gold prospecting. How revolvers work. Don't shoot at the neighbors! What makes an actress attractive? How much money to eat poop? Did you get the vaccine? Eating bugs.

537: Brunch Happens. Does it Though?

August 04, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 165 MB

Episode 537: Eleven years! Why can't vegans eat eggs? What is brunch? Zzzquil. Andrew dreams of roller-coasters. Movie trailers for Toys, Speed, and The Dark Knight. Andrew has his own groundhog encounter. Granules. Lego.

536: You Missed

July 21, 2022 07:01 - 1 hour - 142 MB

Episode 536: We get a surprise gift from an old man! Our hard-drive is full. Andrew doesn't have to be vaccinated when his family needs something from him. Midnight seltzer. Every animal in North America is attacking Puke's house. The joy of bug zappers. Pittsburgh's most famous 80's rocker was at a cigar bar.

535: Best Show To Be On, Worst Show To Listen To

July 14, 2022 09:01 - 2 hours - 176 MB

Episode 535: Do you like cacophony? We bring the cacophony. Surprises are revealed throughout the show that bring great delight to us, and probably misery to you. Toys, delta 8, instruments, Danny needs a speech. What is alcohol? The homeless invading PGH, kill the rich, bosses, John Titor, and much more!

534: The Aardvark Was the Midpoint

July 07, 2022 07:01 - 2 hours - 157 MB

Episode 534: Poo-Man's podcast war. An animal identification test. Should we open a Portmanschool? Being asked about vax status. Andrew's stair autism. A boat ride disaster. Puke leaves a boat like George Costanza. Snake battle. Flowers in the bathroom.