Tell Me Anything

This episode was at the request of Beka, after seeing a TikTok video talking about "attention-seeking" behaviors. It's important to remember that wanting attention is not a problem and is even a biological need  our kids have and has to be met in order for our relationships to be strong and supportive.

If you want other information about connection and relationships, check out the episodes here and here.

Attention seeking behavior changes as our kids age, but the function is always the same: a need for connection and to be seen and validated.

Babies are not purposefully manipulating you with their behavior. We often think that it says something bad about us as parents if we "allow" our kids to manipulate us. They are simply getting their needs met.

Toddlers and early childhood turns into impulsive behaviors, making messes, aggression toward siblings, etc.  We teach our kids how we'll respond to behaviors that inconvenience us throughout their childhood, so they change their behavior to get their needs met based on what they've learned.

Another episode of Jen Hatmaker's podcast talks through this idea even more, understanding that parents don't always know what they're doing and are not always the experts in the relationship.

Pre-adolescence brings new challenges and attention seeking  behavior can be a constant desire for acknowledgement and being seen. They're worried about their peers, academic pressure, wanting to know information, etc. 

And then teenagers often struggle even more: they still need us but want to be independent. They can be internalizers or externalizers, but the function is often the same - wanting to be seen and validated. 

Instead of ignoring the attention seeking behavior - do the opposite: LEAN IN! Give them what they need and work with them to find different ways to ask for and get what they need. Give attention when they're not asking for it in a negative way. 

Telling our kids they can tell us anything means nothing if we've reacted in ways that shut them down, invalidted their experiences, or minimized their reactions. Kids learn  through experiences, not words.

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