Let Them Be Who They Are

This episode is basically two scenarios that happened in Leah's house this week that illustrate lots of things we talk about on a regular basis. Apologizing, rupture and repair, and letting our kids be who they are.

To apologize, there is no room for justifying our negative behaviors as parents. There can be no, "you made me mad," or " it was because you did...." The ruptures in our relationships are healthy and inevitable. The repair is where the learning, growth, and attunement can happen.

As parents, it's easy to feel bad out ourselves when we lose our temper or respond in ways we don't like, and if we sit in that rupture, it can feel overwhelming. But repairing with our kids helps us all get back to a place of connection, which is a great lesson in relationships for our kids. We both can do the wrong thing in our interactions, but I can only be responsible for myself and take accountability for my own actions.

We talk about this episode again of the For the Love Podcast, and Dr. Tsabary talks about the error we make as parents to try to make our kids into something we want them to be or believe they should be. We just need to get out of their way! Their personalities and ways of being are already engrained into who they are, and our goal needs to be to become their secure base and safe place for growth and exploration.

The goal is to SHAPE our kids, not change them. We want to help them learn how to manage their temperament, personality, approach, thought process, etc. in ways that are constructive and healthy as they age.

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